- Monday Feb 07, 2005
I knew i'd forgotten to do something on Friday; I must've been so out of sorts that I didn't realize that I hadn't weighed in. Well, I didn't over the weekend either. And, this morning surprised me with TOM so I didn't bother weighing in at all. I feel ill today.
Let's just say it like this Today: so far i've had oatmeal and milk, a whole wheat homemade dinner bun, toasted, with margarine, 1c of 50 cal hot chocolate. I brought a strawberry-banana smoothie to work with me for this morning, so i'll probably have that as well. (80 cals). That's darn close to 500 cals just for this morning, and I know i'll be feeling even worse this afternoon, which usually makes me feel sorry for myself and eat even more than usual. I'm going to try and get the afternoon off, but it might not work out.
Friday night I watched a movie and stayed in, Saturday was BF's birthday and since my friend's BF didn't call me regarding the dinner he was planning, I decided to not worry about it. I was awake by 7am on Saturday, went downstairs and cooked BF breakfast, then we took the dog for a run, then I went uptown and bought BF flowers and a card for his birthday. I know that may be a wierd gift to give a guy, but i'm crazy like that. He liked them though, maybe because no one's ever gotten him flowers before! I'm also making a scrapbook of BF and I and some special moments. It's not finished yet though, so I told him that was part of his gift but that he's not getting it unti it's done. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he wanted slippers for his birthday! Talk about leaving it to the last minute. I gave him my old red slippers and he's using them for now. BF's family and I went out for dinner. I had a chicken caesar salad. Then we went out and partied. Sunday we just sat around and recovered from the night before. It was actually a very nice weekend.
I think i've blabbed on long enough for today, so have a great day all! Until tomorrow.
- Friday Feb 04, 2005
Late entry today. I must be busy but I don't feel as if i've gotten anything accomplished today.
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1c brown rice with 1c chili, 3 cookies from grandma's and a whole wheat bun. 1L water.
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 4 chicken nuggets with ketchup, a whole wheat bun, 3T hot chocolate mix, dinner is up in the air. I'm getting used to saying that. And, by the way, those chicken nuggets are not the fast-food ones. I bought them at the grocery store and each one is near to an ounce, but not quite.
Maybe going out for dinner tonight, my treat. BF is working this afternoon and i'm so happy about that i'm willing to buy him dinner to thank his a$$ for finally getting out of the house again. He was getting used to the t.v. and the computer being the only sources of entertainment all day. The only down side is that I would have to cook dinner tonight. Hence the 'eat-out' idea that I suggested to him at lunchtime today. I'm not ready to delve back into that frame of mind yet.
I'm feeling better today. Last night I only got TWO phone calls, and went to a friend's house for coffee. Relaxing? Well, not quite, but as close as I can get it seems. Took Chewy for a run and I walked most of the way with him. That might be why i'm feeling more chipper today. Exercise.
Goals this month: send in passport application, get dog fixed, look into travel and medical insurance, apply for two other employment positions.
Apparently sitting on MY butt everyday doesn't appeal to me like I thought it would. I was going to do that for awhile after my temp position was over, but that's not until the 28th and i'm already looking for another job. Two positions look appetizing right now, so we'll see.
- Thursday Feb 03, 2005
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1c brown rice, 1c chili with a slice of bread. 1.5L water. 3T hot chocolate mix.
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1/2c chili with 1/2c brown rice, dinner's still up in the air. 3L water (ya right).
I did do something for myself yesterday. Absolutely nothing. Well, I shouldn't say that. I tried to do absolutely nothing. Everyday for the last month i've been forcing myself to do something, even if it's simply quickly making a phone call to a friend. I've made such an attempt to help others out, to visit with friends and family, to get everything done. Yesterday, I drove to the movie store, picked out The Grudge, drove home and watched it. That's all I did after work. That is, until BF drove me crazy insisting that I wash the dishes because he cooked the dinner. Which I totally agree with, but did I have to do them THAT VERY SECOND? I went to sleep pissed off, and that's the way I woke up this morning. I can feel my whole body shake with anger everytime I think about these things. I tried to have a night to myself but it just didn't work. I'll try again tonight.
I have found that the problem with visiting more with family and friends is that they're constantly badgering you afterwards. My mother phoned me last night over three times just to talk. Bf's sister came over and just watched t.v. for half an hour, wanting to visit. I can't handle this!!! I'm not an outgoing person by nature, although when i'm in the right mood I love to visit. Does that mean i'm a selfish person because I didn't want to talk to any of these people yesterday? Sometimes I would rather be alone - you don't have to deal with all these things on a daily basis when you're a hermit. I think I am being selfish.
I can't wait for the weekend to get here. Although I have a lot to do, I will be able to sleep in for an extra hour or so each morning, and won't that be nice!!
Re: commenting yesterday. My computer was working about as slowly as I was. I'll try better today.
- Wednesday Feb 02, 2005
I wore one of my skirts to work today with a very thick sweater, and i've just noticed that I can tuck in my sweater without sucking in my stomach. The skirt is made of heavy denim and I can also pull it right down over my hips without unzipping it. I must have made some improvement, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I notice my faults right away. I haven't weighed myself at all this week which is comendable given my attitude. It almost feels like my body is trying to trick me. I guess now I have to work on self-worth issues.
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, toast, one weiner with ketchup and 1oz chicken, 1.5c brown rice with 2 links of sausage. 2.5L water. Ice cream for dessert. Oh yeah, and 1 mug mocha. (The chocolate mix is only 50 calories per mug).
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, salad with dressing, 1.5c brown rice with 2 links sausage if there's any left. 3L water. Another mug of mocha.
My meeting went well last night. I'm glad I decided to go to the slo-pitch meeting instead of the star search meeting. I needed to be around my friends. It really helped, just the brief interlude I had with them. My Chewy helped to cheer me up a little too. I went to sleep a lot calmer than I woke up. But I still can't seem to kick this emotion entirely out the window. Something still wants to pull me down.
I will comment today.
- Tuesday Feb 01, 2005
Thanks BBody for your suggestion. I still haven't brought it up to BF.
Troubled and depressed today, yesterday, the day before. I could barely lift my head this morning to get out of bed. I shoudn't be overwhelmed, but I am. I'm at my breaking point and I have no idea how I got here in the first place. Seems like it just happened. Last night I sat on the couch and cried for half an hour. For no real reason other than self-pity. Kumbaya.
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast, bread, weiners, low-fat ice cream. 1L water. No exercise.
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, weiner, sausage and brown rice, low-fat fudgsicle. 3L water. Meeting tonight, no exercise.
Hopefully I can cheer myself up today, but if you asked me to right now i'd probably try punching you in the face. You know i'm kidding, right?
- Monday Jan 31, 2005
Thanks, BTC for your concern. No, my weekend didn't go as badly as I thought it might. Actually, it went well. Okay, it went alright.
We went out once last week besides the pizza incident, for someone's birthday party. I had a grilled chicken caesar salad. I only had one drink that night, although Friday night I had a few more than that. I've been playing the Sims on the computer since I installed the darn game, and I can't seem to tear myself away from it long enough to accomplish anything else of great importance. I was awake until 2am on Sunday morning playing away.
My e-mail account isn't working yet. I hope no one has tried to e-mail me using the account I have set up here because I haven't used it in a long time. Once I get my new one up and running, i'll post it here for your info.
I'm impatient and stressed out.
I'm in a quandry that I haven't told BF about yet. His birthday is coming up on Saturday, but he hasn't planned anything yet. Yesterday my best friend's BF told me that he wants everyone to go out for dinner on Saturday and he's going to propose to her! I'm pleased, but I don't want to take the celebration away from BF's birthday. I need to be at this dinner because i'm going to be her maid of honor. Her BF said come to the dinner, then we'll all celebrate my BF's birthday. I don't think my friend would want this though. She wants it to be HER day and doesn't want to have to share it. I know because she already told me this. So I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions? I will have to talk to BF about it tonight.
Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast with margarine, hmmmmm what else.......no planning done again today. I'm in twubble.
- Friday Jan 28, 2005
So, movement on the scale = all out binge fest.
Yesterday: 1 packet oatmeal with 3/4c milk, 1c mocha, 1pc toast with margarine, 1c carrots, 2oz salmon with 1c brown rice and beans, 3L water. Then I installed internet at home and got stressed out, and then I forgot my key to get very important info pertaining to a meeting I needed to attend. So I inhaled a kit kat krunch bar. After my meeting, instead of working out, we drove to the local pizza place. I had one slice of pepperoni and ham pizza, then a small bag of chips, and a few ounces of diet pepsi. I wasn't hungry - I was looking for comfort.
So needless to say I think we can all kiss my beautiful loss of yesterday goodbye. If I quit having so many falls, I might actually start thinking that i'm getting somewhere...
Not at work today - updating at home. I need to send in some resumes today and look for another job opportunity, so comments will be few and far between again. I'm behind on most entries by a couple of days, but i'm doing my best at the moment.
Plan for Today: already had another slice of pizza and a couple gulps of diet pop. I don't know what my plan is. All leftovers are gone so we'll need to cook unless we eat out. I'm not in diet thinking mode today, which scares me a lot. Let's not undo everything i've done in the last two weeks, okay legcramps?
Much success today....
- Thursday Jan 27, 2005
Movement on the scale. Yes!
Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, mocha, toast with margarine, carrots, salad with dressing, 2oz sauteed (sp?) chicken with 1c brown rice and beans, 1c peach cocktail and a fudgsicle (40 cals). 3.5L water.
Surprisingly, that ended up being just under 1100 cals according to fitday. Today we're going for 1200 because i'm not doing much. I have a meeting tonight so i'm not sure if i'll be able to workout. Yesterday I did over 33 minutes on the bike. I count by kilometers, not by time, and I went 16km. That would be around 10 miles. Not sure how accurate that is though, and i'm also not sure if that means i'm doing well or not. I have to measure it somehow though, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't slacking off just to get the time in. If that makes sense.
Can't comment today, very busy at work. Tonight after the meeting i'm hoping to set up internet at home, so maybe i'll check in tonight. Have a good one everyone!
- Wednesday Jan 26, 2005
I made myself a cup of coffee/NF hot chocolate this morning, and I can feel it in my veins already. For someone who doesn't drink a lot of caffeinated beverages, this is going to have me tearing up and down the walls today. But since I had a late night yesterday, I need it.
Yesterday: 2pc toast with margarine (finally finished off the tub and I got to buy Becel Light when I went grocery shopping last night - yay!), 1c carrots, 1c brown rice with beans in tomato sauce, 1c salad with dressing, 2oz salmon and 1/2c peach cocktail. 3L water.
I jumped on the elliptical last night for just over 11 minutes. BTC - you have a really good idea about using the elliptical first, then going on the bike. Except, I pushed myself way too hard last night and ended up winded for about 1/2 an hour afterwards. There wasn't any way I was getting my butt onto that bike. BF said my face was beet red, veins were popping out of my forhead, and I was laying on the floor in the living room - trying not to die. If that sounds funny to you, go ahead and laugh - I won't be offended...
Plan for Today: I had oatmeal for breakfast today (instead of bread - success!!), perhaps toast or salad for lunch, and chicken with brown rice and beans for dinner. Snacks: peach cocktail, cranberry juice. 3L water. Bike for 1/2hr. I'm going to try switching off between the bike and the elliptical instead of trying to do everything all in one day, every day.
Thanks for all the comments ladies - mucho gracias.
- Tuesday Jan 25, 2005
Oh, i'm cursed, CURSED I TELL YOU.
Yesterday: 2.5L water, 1.5c potato casserole, 1c salad with dressing, 2 buffalo patties. That's the good part. Then I had 1sl pepperoni pizza, 1c cappaccino, 1c ice cream, 1 popsicle and at least half a loaf of bread. With margarine. Way too much margarine.
It was a hungry day yesterday and it was all I could do........nevermind, i'm lying. It was a hungry day, and I just kept on eating away. Nothing could stop me. It was a feeding frenzy. I'm upset, a little disappointed, and I was being overly judgemental this morning before work. I'm over it now, and there's not much I can do besides work it off. Which is what i'll do.
Yesterday I rode the bike for 33 minutes and burned 350 calories. I tried to step on the elliptical but after about 3 minutes I just about fell off the thing from exhaustion. We'll have to take that a little slower. Like next time, let's not jump on to the elliptical RIGHT after jumping off the bike.
Today's Plan: 2pc toast with margarine (why don't I just cut this crap right out????), 1c salad with dressing, 3oz salmon (fish! yum, it's been awhile) on a bed of brown rice. Perhaps carrots and 1c cranberry juice. Let's keep it simple today, legcramps. Simple is easy.
Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.