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legcramps - Monday Feb 07, 2005

Weight: 128.5

I knew i'd forgotten to do something on Friday; I must've been so out of sorts that I didn't realize that I hadn't weighed in. Well, I didn't over the weekend either. And, this morning surprised me with TOM so I didn't bother weighing in at all. I feel ill today.

Let's just say it like this Today: so far i've had oatmeal and milk, a whole wheat homemade dinner bun, toasted, with margarine, 1c of 50 cal hot chocolate. I brought a strawberry-banana smoothie to work with me for this morning, so i'll probably have that as well. (80 cals). That's darn close to 500 cals just for this morning, and I know i'll be feeling even worse this afternoon, which usually makes me feel sorry for myself and eat even more than usual. I'm going to try and get the afternoon off, but it might not work out.

Friday night I watched a movie and stayed in, Saturday was BF's birthday and since my friend's BF didn't call me regarding the dinner he was planning, I decided to not worry about it. I was awake by 7am on Saturday, went downstairs and cooked BF breakfast, then we took the dog for a run, then I went uptown and bought BF flowers and a card for his birthday. I know that may be a wierd gift to give a guy, but i'm crazy like that. He liked them though, maybe because no one's ever gotten him flowers before! I'm also making a scrapbook of BF and I and some special moments. It's not finished yet though, so I told him that was part of his gift but that he's not getting it unti it's done. Then he had the nerve to tell me that he wanted slippers for his birthday! Talk about leaving it to the last minute. I gave him my old red slippers and he's using them for now. BF's family and I went out for dinner. I had a chicken caesar salad. Then we went out and partied. Sunday we just sat around and recovered from the night before. It was actually a very nice weekend.

I think i've blabbed on long enough for today, so have a great day all! Until tomorrow.

borntocry on 02/07/2005:
Hehe, I got my husband flowers once too, and he really liked them as well. Neither of us is the type to like flowers, so it was a really weird gift, but I think that, like your boyfriend, he was kind of touched because no-one had ever given him flowers before.


breakaway on 02/07/2005:
you probablly did the right thing on waiting to weight in especially now. It may have only depressed you. Your doing really well though but we all know the water we can retain during our TOM. I am due tomorrow but the weight still came off :) I was lucky. Anyhow, the smoothie you had, was that a subway one? I was trying to find out exactly how they taste because i never had one before and I don't want to find out that I don't like it and waste it. Your scrapbook sounds wonderful and it's a great idea! You have a wonderful day today :)



legcramps - Friday Feb 04, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Late entry today. I must be busy but I don't feel as if i've gotten anything accomplished today.

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1c brown rice with 1c chili, 3 cookies from grandma's and a whole wheat bun. 1L water.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 4 chicken nuggets with ketchup, a whole wheat bun, 3T hot chocolate mix, dinner is up in the air. I'm getting used to saying that. And, by the way, those chicken nuggets are not the fast-food ones. I bought them at the grocery store and each one is near to an ounce, but not quite.

Maybe going out for dinner tonight, my treat. BF is working this afternoon and i'm so happy about that i'm willing to buy him dinner to thank his a$$ for finally getting out of the house again. He was getting used to the t.v. and the computer being the only sources of entertainment all day. The only down side is that I would have to cook dinner tonight. Hence the 'eat-out' idea that I suggested to him at lunchtime today. I'm not ready to delve back into that frame of mind yet.

I'm feeling better today. Last night I only got TWO phone calls, and went to a friend's house for coffee. Relaxing? Well, not quite, but as close as I can get it seems. Took Chewy for a run and I walked most of the way with him. That might be why i'm feeling more chipper today. Exercise.

Goals this month: send in passport application, get dog fixed, look into travel and medical insurance, apply for two other employment positions.

Apparently sitting on MY butt everyday doesn't appeal to me like I thought it would. I was going to do that for awhile after my temp position was over, but that's not until the 28th and i'm already looking for another job. Two positions look appetizing right now, so we'll see.

Umpqua on 02/05/2005:
Sounds like you're doing great with the food. I know what you've been saying about having alone time. Some days my phone rings nonstop and I feel like I just need time to myself. Many of my friends and family live far away so the phone is our main method of staying in touch. And conversations are a half hour minimum. Anyway, I hope you had a good dinner last night and get some more alone time soon!


borntocry on 02/06/2005:
Hi legcramps,

I'm flattered that you think I have so much energy, but really, I don't do much of anything these days. I only go running once a week now, and I have no friends or family here so not much by way of social commitments. I think you do tons more stuff than I do!

Speaking of which... I don't think it's selfish at all to want some time to yourself. Sometimes I don't even bother to answer my cellphone! I just let it ring and then later, when I'm in a better mood, I check my messages and call back everyone who called me.

Well, good luck with the job hunt!



legcramps - Thursday Feb 03, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1c brown rice, 1c chili with a slice of bread. 1.5L water. 3T hot chocolate mix.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, 1pc toast, 1/2c chili with 1/2c brown rice, dinner's still up in the air. 3L water (ya right).

I did do something for myself yesterday. Absolutely nothing. Well, I shouldn't say that. I tried to do absolutely nothing. Everyday for the last month i've been forcing myself to do something, even if it's simply quickly making a phone call to a friend. I've made such an attempt to help others out, to visit with friends and family, to get everything done. Yesterday, I drove to the movie store, picked out The Grudge, drove home and watched it. That's all I did after work. That is, until BF drove me crazy insisting that I wash the dishes because he cooked the dinner. Which I totally agree with, but did I have to do them THAT VERY SECOND? I went to sleep pissed off, and that's the way I woke up this morning. I can feel my whole body shake with anger everytime I think about these things. I tried to have a night to myself but it just didn't work. I'll try again tonight.

I have found that the problem with visiting more with family and friends is that they're constantly badgering you afterwards. My mother phoned me last night over three times just to talk. Bf's sister came over and just watched t.v. for half an hour, wanting to visit. I can't handle this!!! I'm not an outgoing person by nature, although when i'm in the right mood I love to visit. Does that mean i'm a selfish person because I didn't want to talk to any of these people yesterday? Sometimes I would rather be alone - you don't have to deal with all these things on a daily basis when you're a hermit. I think I am being selfish.

I can't wait for the weekend to get here. Although I have a lot to do, I will be able to sleep in for an extra hour or so each morning, and won't that be nice!!

Re: commenting yesterday. My computer was working about as slowly as I was. I'll try better today.

QT on 02/03/2005:
I have days like that, were I just want to be left alone, I've found the only way to get people to stay away is to say I'm sick and need to rest. I doesn't always work, but when it does it's great.


Becca27 on 02/03/2005:
Hi Legcramps,

I love "NOTHING" days - especially when they're rare - it makes them more appreciated. January turned into a big "nothing" month for me, and I'm having a difficult time shaking off the couch potato blues. I, too, love my time to myself and don't need to be real social. It's hard to have people pulling on you and wanting you to be on their time table. Rest up and look forward to tomorrow! It's almost Friday!!!

How was the Grudge?


Runner on 02/03/2005:
Good for you to take some time to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I LOVE days like that! When I was teaching high school students, I NEEDED days like that...even though I enjoy being social, everyone needs time to herself or himself. Don't feel selfish because you simply don't feel like talking. I'm a big believer in "down time." And too many people never take any "down time," therefore they are always stressed out!

Enjoy those quiet moments! :)



legcramps - Wednesday Feb 02, 2005

Weight: 128.5

I wore one of my skirts to work today with a very thick sweater, and i've just noticed that I can tuck in my sweater without sucking in my stomach. The skirt is made of heavy denim and I can also pull it right down over my hips without unzipping it. I must have made some improvement, but it sure doesn't feel like it. Everytime I look at myself in the mirror, I notice my faults right away. I haven't weighed myself at all this week which is comendable given my attitude. It almost feels like my body is trying to trick me. I guess now I have to work on self-worth issues.

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, toast, one weiner with ketchup and 1oz chicken, 1.5c brown rice with 2 links of sausage. 2.5L water. Ice cream for dessert. Oh yeah, and 1 mug mocha. (The chocolate mix is only 50 calories per mug).

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, salad with dressing, 1.5c brown rice with 2 links sausage if there's any left. 3L water. Another mug of mocha.

My meeting went well last night. I'm glad I decided to go to the slo-pitch meeting instead of the star search meeting. I needed to be around my friends. It really helped, just the brief interlude I had with them. My Chewy helped to cheer me up a little too. I went to sleep a lot calmer than I woke up. But I still can't seem to kick this emotion entirely out the window. Something still wants to pull me down.

I will comment today.

Umpqua on 02/02/2005:
Dogs are the best for helping with a bad mood! I'm glad you're feeling a little better. And remember, the scale doesn't always reflect your hard work. If your clothes are feeling loose that's a sure sign of improvement. Congratulations!


borntocry on 02/03/2005:
Hi legcramps! Thanks for your comment. I did indeed make one of my favourite dishes recently - sweet potato casserole - and it was just for me because my husband hates sweet potatoes! And now I'm back on track with renewed motivation!

I'm glad to see you're feeling a little better from the day before (sorry, I missed that entry). I know what you mean about feeling that your body is trying to trick you. I've also felt recently that my legs are looking a little thinner... but because I haven't actually weighed myself I'm sure that my eyes are just playing tricks on me... or that I'm just getting used to how I look and haven't actually changed at all.

Anyway, I hope you feel better soon... take the advice that you gave me and do something just for yourself!



legcramps - Tuesday Feb 01, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Thanks BBody for your suggestion. I still haven't brought it up to BF.

Troubled and depressed today, yesterday, the day before. I could barely lift my head this morning to get out of bed. I shoudn't be overwhelmed, but I am. I'm at my breaking point and I have no idea how I got here in the first place. Seems like it just happened. Last night I sat on the couch and cried for half an hour. For no real reason other than self-pity. Kumbaya.

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast, bread, weiners, low-fat ice cream. 1L water. No exercise.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, toast, weiner, sausage and brown rice, low-fat fudgsicle. 3L water. Meeting tonight, no exercise.

Hopefully I can cheer myself up today, but if you asked me to right now i'd probably try punching you in the face. You know i'm kidding, right?

TheMother on 02/01/2005:
Sorry to hear you're feeling down and overwhelmed. What I've told my kids and myself when faced with this feeling - is to take ONE thing at a time. Whatever is the first priority, address that, then go to the next thing and so on. It will all get done in due time. My suggestion is to prioritize what needs immediate attention and what can be put on the back burner for the time being. As for the proposal/BD situation, can your friend's BF propose to her on Friday night instead? If not, how's about he takes her to dinner just the two of them and you and your BF do your thing and then meet up with them later to have a celebratory drink? This way, your friend will have "HER" moment and your BF can have his. I have to agree with Biscotti on the part about having an audience present when something so personal should be intimate...at least that's my view.

Cheer up...things will get better.

TM


biscottibody59 on 02/01/2005:
I feel for you--I hope you get to feeling better--I know sometimes getting in some activity can help alleviate these feelings of despair--please take care of YOU today! Everything else can wait!



legcramps - Monday Jan 31, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Thanks, BTC for your concern. No, my weekend didn't go as badly as I thought it might. Actually, it went well. Okay, it went alright.

We went out once last week besides the pizza incident, for someone's birthday party. I had a grilled chicken caesar salad. I only had one drink that night, although Friday night I had a few more than that. I've been playing the Sims on the computer since I installed the darn game, and I can't seem to tear myself away from it long enough to accomplish anything else of great importance. I was awake until 2am on Sunday morning playing away.

My e-mail account isn't working yet. I hope no one has tried to e-mail me using the account I have set up here because I haven't used it in a long time. Once I get my new one up and running, i'll post it here for your info.

I'm impatient and stressed out.

I'm in a quandry that I haven't told BF about yet. His birthday is coming up on Saturday, but he hasn't planned anything yet. Yesterday my best friend's BF told me that he wants everyone to go out for dinner on Saturday and he's going to propose to her! I'm pleased, but I don't want to take the celebration away from BF's birthday. I need to be at this dinner because i'm going to be her maid of honor. Her BF said come to the dinner, then we'll all celebrate my BF's birthday. I don't think my friend would want this though. She wants it to be HER day and doesn't want to have to share it. I know because she already told me this. So I don't know what to do. Anyone have any suggestions? I will have to talk to BF about it tonight.

Plan for Today: oatmeal and milk, peaches, toast with margarine, hmmmmm what else.......no planning done again today. I'm in twubble.

biscottibody59 on 01/31/2005:
Sorry, but I'm very cynical about marriage anyway: Why on earth would a couple want an entourage when they do the "proposal thing"--I find this odd and presumptuous of him unless it's just plain ceremonial and then it's just plain ridiculous! Just my opinion:-)

If I were you, I'd suit myself and my BF--too many toes potentially stepped on!



legcramps - Friday Jan 28, 2005

Weight: 128.5

So, movement on the scale = all out binge fest.

Yesterday: 1 packet oatmeal with 3/4c milk, 1c mocha, 1pc toast with margarine, 1c carrots, 2oz salmon with 1c brown rice and beans, 3L water. Then I installed internet at home and got stressed out, and then I forgot my key to get very important info pertaining to a meeting I needed to attend. So I inhaled a kit kat krunch bar. After my meeting, instead of working out, we drove to the local pizza place. I had one slice of pepperoni and ham pizza, then a small bag of chips, and a few ounces of diet pepsi. I wasn't hungry - I was looking for comfort.

So needless to say I think we can all kiss my beautiful loss of yesterday goodbye. If I quit having so many falls, I might actually start thinking that i'm getting somewhere...

Not at work today - updating at home. I need to send in some resumes today and look for another job opportunity, so comments will be few and far between again. I'm behind on most entries by a couple of days, but i'm doing my best at the moment.

Plan for Today: already had another slice of pizza and a couple gulps of diet pop. I don't know what my plan is. All leftovers are gone so we'll need to cook unless we eat out. I'm not in diet thinking mode today, which scares me a lot. Let's not undo everything i've done in the last two weeks, okay legcramps?

Much success today....

borntocry on 01/30/2005:
Oh, poor legcramps! Stress can be such a diet killer, can't it? I don't think you did too badly, though. It could have been much worse!

What I try to do now when I'm not in "diet thinking mode" is just to eat normally - not to overeat or binge. If you do that, then at least you won't be undoing everything you've done in the last two weeks.

Well, anyway, good luck, and I hope your weekend didn't go too badly!



legcramps - Thursday Jan 27, 2005

Weight: 128.5

Movement on the scale. Yes!

Yesterday: oatmeal and milk, mocha, toast with margarine, carrots, salad with dressing, 2oz sauteed (sp?) chicken with 1c brown rice and beans, 1c peach cocktail and a fudgsicle (40 cals). 3.5L water.

Surprisingly, that ended up being just under 1100 cals according to fitday. Today we're going for 1200 because i'm not doing much. I have a meeting tonight so i'm not sure if i'll be able to workout. Yesterday I did over 33 minutes on the bike. I count by kilometers, not by time, and I went 16km. That would be around 10 miles. Not sure how accurate that is though, and i'm also not sure if that means i'm doing well or not. I have to measure it somehow though, and I wanted to make sure I wasn't slacking off just to get the time in. If that makes sense.

Can't comment today, very busy at work. Tonight after the meeting i'm hoping to set up internet at home, so maybe i'll check in tonight. Have a good one everyone!

breakaway on 01/27/2005:
HEY congrats on the lose!! Way to go. Your doing a great job and I hope you get that internet hooked up tonight. Can't live without internet at home for sure ;)


borntocry on 01/28/2005:
WOW!



legcramps - Wednesday Jan 26, 2005

Weight: 130.0

I made myself a cup of coffee/NF hot chocolate this morning, and I can feel it in my veins already. For someone who doesn't drink a lot of caffeinated beverages, this is going to have me tearing up and down the walls today. But since I had a late night yesterday, I need it.

Yesterday: 2pc toast with margarine (finally finished off the tub and I got to buy Becel Light when I went grocery shopping last night - yay!), 1c carrots, 1c brown rice with beans in tomato sauce, 1c salad with dressing, 2oz salmon and 1/2c peach cocktail. 3L water.

I jumped on the elliptical last night for just over 11 minutes. BTC - you have a really good idea about using the elliptical first, then going on the bike. Except, I pushed myself way too hard last night and ended up winded for about 1/2 an hour afterwards. There wasn't any way I was getting my butt onto that bike. BF said my face was beet red, veins were popping out of my forhead, and I was laying on the floor in the living room - trying not to die. If that sounds funny to you, go ahead and laugh - I won't be offended...

Plan for Today: I had oatmeal for breakfast today (instead of bread - success!!), perhaps toast or salad for lunch, and chicken with brown rice and beans for dinner. Snacks: peach cocktail, cranberry juice. 3L water. Bike for 1/2hr. I'm going to try switching off between the bike and the elliptical instead of trying to do everything all in one day, every day.

Thanks for all the comments ladies - mucho gracias.

breakaway on 01/26/2005:
First of all I want to tell you that you are doing awsome! I bet you really felt a sense of accomplishment while laying on that floor! It may sound funny to some but I think it's a great accomplishment and I hope I"m someday laying on the floor as you were feeling that same accomplishment. You are doing a great job!


cowboy on 01/26/2005:
It sounds like your diet is right on track. Hey, those elliptical machines are tough, believe me I know! Ease into it, and before long you will be doing great; it takes while. Good luck!


skinnyjill on 01/26/2005:
Just reading that makes me feel winded!


geevee on 01/26/2005:
Your yummy dinner last night sounds very similar to what I'm going to have tonight.

Using flax meal is like using wheat germ. You can add it to meatloaf, soups, cereals and I suppose homemade breads, etc. Bob's is such a quality product. My son in Japan gave rave reviews about Bob's grits I sent him.


breakaway on 01/26/2005:
Thanks for the comment...Nick is a little over 2 1/2 months old now born Nov 2 04. He is just adorable! If you want to check out pics you can go to www.jaegerweb.com/gallery/ He is sure our pride and joy...we update regulary and have to get our daughters pics on there yet and more of our older son.


Becca27 on 01/26/2005:
Hi Legcramps! Thanks for your comments. It sounds like you had a good workout. I know I dont' push myself THAT hard, hardly ever. What is Becel Light? Must be a canadian thing. Do you know what I just LOVE from Canada? They're called "Scotish or Canadian Mints". They're big white, round candy mints. My grandmother lived in Canada for years and years and loved them. When she moved to the U.S. she could only get them when someone went to Canada. I remember how much she cherished those mints and how she'd happily share them with me. I've only had them once in about 10 years. Oh Gosh I've rambled. Anyway, what is Becel light?


Umpqua on 01/27/2005:
You have a very well behaved puppy! If we tried to let my dog follow the car I think he would for a while, then he'd get distracted by a squirrel or something and tear off into the woods. He used to run off in our old neighborhood chasing animals and trucks (scary business) so we're a bit protective of him in the city. I try to take him to a baseball field nearby whenever possible to chase a tennis ball. We have this awesome tool called a Chuck-it (looks like a big spaghetti server) that lets you fling the ball without touching it, as ours get pretty slimy and dirty. Hopefully it will warm up a little soon so we can walk again.



legcramps - Tuesday Jan 25, 2005

Weight: 130.0

Oh, i'm cursed, CURSED I TELL YOU.

Yesterday: 2.5L water, 1.5c potato casserole, 1c salad with dressing, 2 buffalo patties. That's the good part. Then I had 1sl pepperoni pizza, 1c cappaccino, 1c ice cream, 1 popsicle and at least half a loaf of bread. With margarine. Way too much margarine.

It was a hungry day yesterday and it was all I could do........nevermind, i'm lying. It was a hungry day, and I just kept on eating away. Nothing could stop me. It was a feeding frenzy. I'm upset, a little disappointed, and I was being overly judgemental this morning before work. I'm over it now, and there's not much I can do besides work it off. Which is what i'll do.

Yesterday I rode the bike for 33 minutes and burned 350 calories. I tried to step on the elliptical but after about 3 minutes I just about fell off the thing from exhaustion. We'll have to take that a little slower. Like next time, let's not jump on to the elliptical RIGHT after jumping off the bike.

Today's Plan: 2pc toast with margarine (why don't I just cut this crap right out????), 1c salad with dressing, 3oz salmon (fish! yum, it's been awhile) on a bed of brown rice. Perhaps carrots and 1c cranberry juice. Let's keep it simple today, legcramps. Simple is easy.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Umpqua on 01/25/2005:
Hey, your weight is holding steady and it sounds like you're doing great with the exercise bike. Yesterday seemed like a rough day for eating for a lot of people on here, including me. All we can do is move forward with a good attitude!


skinnyjill on 01/25/2005:
Oooh I like that quote at the end of yoru entry!

Don't over do it today. Be good to yourself!


geevee on 01/25/2005:
I HATE those eating days!When one comes there's just no stopping, and I fear today is one of them for me. A C of cereal plus 2Tbl. flax meal (60 additional cal.) w/ NF milk and I don't feel as if I've eaten anything! And why is it that we hone in on bread? That's all I have on my mind right now, so you are not alone. I'm going through today what you went through yesterday. I hope today is better for you.


borntocry on 01/26/2005:
Hi legcramps!

Well, that sucks. It seems like you didn't eat much on Sunday, so maybe that could have been what provoked your feeding frenzy! I've noticed that I really crave bread when I allow myself to get too hungry. It's best not to let yourself get to that point! However, I'm impressed at how well you recovered from it. Perhaps next time you should try the elliptical before the bike? I find biking pretty easy whereas from what I've heard the elliptical can be quite strenuous. So if you're going to do both, maybe you should tackle that first while you still have the energy.

Thanks so much for the comment you left me. You are so right about so many things! I do need to do more things just for myself. It's funny that you should suggest cooking my own favourite meal. It just recently occurred to me that I never do that. In fact I never even think about what I feel like having for dinner - I plan everything based around what I think my husband will like. And it's ridiculous because he doesn't even really care what's for dinner most nights!

So I'm going to try to take your advice in the days to come. I'm going to try to follow your example and get in some more exercise as well. I wish I could go out and play all kinds of cool sports, like you! But people don't seem to do that here. When my husband first came here he tried to find places to play pick-up basketball (whatever that means - I'm not exactly sure) but we found that there is a very complex system of organised sports here and it's very difficult to play without being part of the system. Anyway, I should probably just focus on getting the rest of my life in order first! Thanks again for your advice!



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