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legcramps - Wednesday Oct 19, 2011

Weight: 165.5

It was strange coming back to an empty house yesterday. It's bizarre, but the house seemed so much bigger. A few bouts of tears slipped past my eyes, but all in all things went as well as I had hoped. I was glad I made the decision to stay with Dog in the room, as I really think she needed me there to reassure her.

I didn't know what to make for dinner yesterday, so I threw a chicken pizza into the oven. My lunch was leftover pasta with chicken. Really overloading on the chicken. Then I read for a bit and headed to an early bedtime.

I was asleep soon after my head hit the pillow, which is new for me; usually I toss and turn before finally finding sleep. I slept right through until 6 this morning. My eyes feel heavy and scratchy, but heaven knows if I got through yesterday, i'll get through today too!

Tonight is Zumba. I am debating going. I want to wash some bedsheets, blankets and tidy a few things. I will feel better after i've been able to pack away some of Dog's things. I also want to get back into routine, but now is maybe not the time yet.

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/19/2011:
So sorry. {hugs} Maybe Zumba will make you feel a bit more energized?


glycrina on 10/19/2011:
My heart is heavy for you. I think keeping busy would be my plan. My yoga video always talks about "showing up for yourself" even when it is difficult. But whatever you decide to do, Zumba or cleaning, I hope you find some peace today.


V on 10/19/2011:
hey do whatever is going to make you feel better, if I lived closer, i would come help you pack up things with you.. Lots more love sent your way today <3 <3 <3


Umpqua on 10/19/2011:
You are doing amazingly well. xoxo



legcramps - Tuesday Oct 18, 2011

Weight: 165.5

Up a bit in weight but seeing as I haven't weighed myself in a while, i'm okay with this considering everything that's been going on for the last few months. I am definitely an emotional eater :(

Dog is going to the vet this afternoon for her last visit. I've taken the afternoon off work so that I can spend some more time with her and get myself ready. I think she knows. Last night, when I was laying on the couch she jumped up and layed her head on my hand and started snoring away. Just wanted to be close I guess :)

I feel right beat up from my massage yesterday! I must do this more often, so i've made two more appointments for the next two months. It felt so good! I'm quite sore today, but I know tomorrow will be better. I'm going to try and have as much water as possible today, to get those muscles back in good form!

Ok, so I don't have much more to say about anything, so i'll sign off now and move on with my day. Have a wonderful day all. Please send thoughts and prayers our way today :)

Progress as of today: 9.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/18/2011:
Thinking of you during this tough time... I too have a massage scheduled for tomorrow! Cannot wait! I think its awesome that you are getting a few in the next few months, they are SO therapeutic and good for you!!!


Umpqua on 10/18/2011:
I'm thinking of you today. Good job scheduling those massages, you deserve it!


grannyannie on 10/18/2011:
Hope your dog gets better and things look up for you! I haven't had a massage in ages, I'm well overdue!


V on 10/18/2011:
Thinking of you and Dog..Lots of love your way <3 <3 <3


glycrina on 10/18/2011:
you and dog are in my thoughts and prayers. you are so brave and so loving. I hope you are not alone and have a good friend to support you through this process.


sweetpea1977 on 10/18/2011:
Hugs to you sweetie. I'm thinking of both of you during this difficult time. <3


biscottibody59 on 10/18/2011:
I'm sorry. Thinking of you this evening . . .



legcramps - Monday Oct 17, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I called the vet on Friday morning to get antibiotics for Dog. They gave me an ointment to treat her eye with. She had a bad reaction and her eye blew up to two times its normal size and looked like it was pushing itself right out of its socket. Yuck. So much for that idea. I had to go to a meeting that evening, and it was hard, I gotta say, to keep in all the emotions and stop re-running the reaction over and over again in my head.

Unfortunately, Dog has also stopped eating. I did manage to get some noodles and chicken into her yesterday, but I must be reasonable with myself. This is no way for her to live. So today I will call the vet and see what needs to be set up in order to have her put down. I've rued this day people, for over a month and a half now. But I have to be strong and do the right thing.

I am getting a massage after work today and I cannot wait. I haven't had a massage since I moved into my house. I am going to try and set up regular visits - it will have to be included in the budget somehow. I used to have massages regularly and they really helped with easing my stress. Maybe i'll end up getting some weekend work to cover it. Yeah, add more stress to ease more stress. That makes sense.

Now that i've thought about that though, I think my work benefits might cover some of the costs of massage therapy. I'll have to look into it.

My eating was so-so on the weekend. I did have some potato chips on Saturday night; the rest of the weekend was made up of healthy foods. Unfortunately, last night I had three dinners  two servings of chicken, noodles and broccoli, and a turkey and cheese sandwich on ezekiel bread. I should have just gone to bed, but I was reading a good book.

Which reminds me, 14 books read out of 36 total.

My Walking Challenge this week didn't go so well. My total so far is .25 miles  with one day to go which will consist of a massage and some quality Dog Time. I don't think i'll get any walking in today.

That's not to say I didn't get any exercise in though. Just not enough walking. Next week will hopefully be better.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 10/17/2011:
It's a new week! I have faith you'll do great this week!


KayBee on 10/17/2011:
poor dog, I feel sorry for you guys... it's always so hard to say goodbye to our beloved ones, but that's just the way life goes. Taxes and death are certain... :-( I'm curious what 36 books you're talking about. Are these specific books or you just counted the books at home you haven't read yet?


glycrina on 10/17/2011:
My heart is with you Legs. It shows how much you love you your dog by being able to let him go when he is in such pain. If you can give yourself some healing time -- the massage sounds GREAT. I need to make an appointment. Hugs.


Umpqua on 10/17/2011:
You are doing just great considering your circumstances. Stay strong! xoxo


Supercheese on 10/17/2011:
poor doggy but everything happens for a reason right? I hope the massage makes you feel better :)


V on 10/17/2011:
:( I am so sorry..I know how hard it was to come to that decision.. Love you <3



legcramps - Friday Oct 14, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Oh, I am so damn happy it's Friday.

Dog has an eye infection now, and is refusing to eat even the cottage cheese I put in her dish. Yesterday, I tried beef, steak, chicken, more chicken, cottage cheese and finally... frozen yogurt. Yes, that's right. She ate the ice cream of course.

I don't know if I should call the vet for an antibiotic? What if she continues to refuse to eat?

She's already lost a kilogram of weight in the last few weeks.

What do you think? Should I get the antibiotic? I think i'll get the antibiotic. I don't know!

I didn't go to Zumba due to the many attempts to get food into Dog's mouth. It's upsetting and oh so exhausting.

Today I have to get the oil changed in my car, get them to check the tires, pick up gravy mixes to see if Dog will eat that, call the vet (maybe?yes?) to get antibiotics for Dog, go to a dog park meeting (yeah right, that might not happen) plus work a full day of work. I'm tired just looking at all that.

I need to walk. Tomorrow morning, man, that's what i'm doing. Rain or shine. I need to work out some emotions.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/14/2011:
I think I would get the antibiotics... It can't HURT and it will at least make you feel better... Hope Dog eats for you and you have a nice weekend!


grannyannie on 10/14/2011:
Agree. Get antibiotics. Hope dog get betters soon. Sorry you missed Zumba.


hollybelle on 10/14/2011:
I agree, I think I'd get the antibiotic for her eye and talk to vet. Is she still getting up and down some?



legcramps - Thursday Oct 13, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I left work around 2:30 yesterday; I had cramping in my stomach and nausea. I think from the flu shot. So I went back to sleep when I got home, got up around 6:30 and then went back to sleep at 10:00. I feel better today. Hopefully i'll make it to Zumba tonight.

I had way too much to eat yesterday. Coffee, two pieces toast with pb and honey, chicken sandwich, two handfuls of almonds, two servings of chicken and macaroni salad, a cabbage roll, 1 bag fat free popcorn, frozen yogurt with blueberries and strawberries. Oh my God, that's ridiculous. 2,796 calories according to fitday. No wonder i'm not hungry this morning.

Plan for today: coffee, yogurt with banana and granola, chicken sandwich, yogurt again with a few almonds, 3.5 litres of water, macaroni salad with chicken, frozen yogurt with berries. That should earn me about 1,800 calories. That would be much better.

I'm back in a budget crunch this month. I accidentally spent over $160 on groceries last pay period. I didn't even eat out! I'm deliriously happy that tomorrow is payday but I really shouldn't get too excited because it'll all be gone to bills and other payments. I also need to get a tire patched or replaced, yay. I hope I have enough to feed myself otherwise i'll be visiting grandma and taking advantage of her home cooking more often in the next two weeks ;) My goal this week is to buy minimal staples and try to use up what I already have in the house. I noticed that my freezer is packed, so that might take a week or so to empty out, and I have a lot of canned food too. I don't know why I buy it when it just sits there uneaten.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 10/13/2011:
Hey legs. Hope today is a better day. I occassionally take an inventory of what is my pantry and freezer and decide what I need to get to make meals. Sometimes, I have to get creative. I have to go back on budget on myself. I am spending too much in general.


getmebackto150 on 10/13/2011:
I hear you on overspending on groceries... hubby and I just got our budget back under control today (pay day) after a LONG summer of overspending... Glad to hear you are feeling better today!


V on 10/13/2011:
I am so happy that you are feeling better today! i hope your evening of Zumba went well



legcramps - Wednesday Oct 12, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I got a flu shot yesterday at work, and when I got home I passed out on the couch. I didn't wake up until after 9pm, and then was sleeping again by 10pm. Slept right through the night. What's with all this sleeping?!!!

I am sure a lot of yesterday's issue had to do with the flu shot. Normally, it wipes me out.

So I didn't get much done yesterday ;)

I feel tired still, and I don't really have much to say. Or maybe I do and I can't think of what I want to say. At any rate, I think I'll sign off and get to work. Or go back home and sleep some more.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/12/2011:
The flu shot does the same thing to me! By tomorrow hopefully you will be back to normal!!


sweetpea1977 on 10/12/2011:
I hope you get to feeling better soon!


V on 10/12/2011:
Aww man I hope life gets easier for you soon, stay strong! Love you



legcramps - Tuesday Oct 11, 2011

Weight: 164.0

11 books read out of 36 ;)

Hello Everyone! Hope you had a good Columbus Day in the US yesterday. I had Thanksgiving Day yesterday and with the extra Friday off, I had a four day weekend. I can safely say I caught up on a lot of sleep!

Friday - 4.65 mile walk; take nap; grocery shopping; visit family

Saturday - 3.84 mile walk; visit family; take nap

Sunday - clean house (finally); take nap; visit family; have family overnight

Monday - visit family; host friends

As you can see my weekend was filled with a lot of naps. They weren't very long, but they helped me get through the difficult moments with Mom. I've been feeling resentful of her actions towards me. I held all of that in this weekend, but it bothers me that I'm so angry with her because I want to move on from it. Family in general exhausts me. I have a hard time being around them for long periods of time; they are so outspoken that I simply sit there and listen and disappear into the colour of the living room wall. I'm not like them at all so I like to escape back home to give myself a break.

I also got some walking in! Woohoo! 8.49 miles. I’m very pleased with sending in this weekly total, and I’m confident that this number will only increase as the weeks go by.

Unfortunately, I also ate a lot of food. I realized this morning that I have a little bit of work ahead of me to undo the damage from the holiday weekend. My plan for today:

Mocha, coffee, bran muffin

Stuffed Zuchinni (no, I’m still not done it!)

Yogurt, almonds, Skinny B

4 litres water

Leftovers from holiday meals

Alright, off to work! Have a good week everyone!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 10/11/2011:
great job on the 8+ miles of walking. I'm sorry things are so difficult with your mom right now and I hope they get better soon! Menu looks great for today!!


glycrina on 10/11/2011:
Our Thanksgiving is in November and I hope to be down 10 pounds by then . . . if for no other reason then to have some room to gain it back again. LOL.


Umpqua on 10/11/2011:
I'm glad you had a nice holiday weekend with lots of walking and napping!


grannyannie on 10/11/2011:
Well done on all the walking. Doing well on the books. :-)


sweetpea1977 on 10/11/2011:
Glad you got some sleep and look at that mileage your racking up!

Keeping ya in my thoughts. xo


moogy on 10/11/2011:
I haven't seen or spoken to my sisters or brother in donkey's years. Love them but don't like them much. Fortunately they live in another state. Just because they are family there is no law that says I have to stay in touch with them. My parents are dead so that makes life less complicated as well. I am writing this down so that you know there are better days ahead if you make choices that make you happy instead of other people:)


V on 10/11/2011:
Girl I have a friend in Baniff(anywhere near you?) That is a fitness trainer who also competes in fitness competitions..Anyhoo It was shocking at the number of naps she has taken over the holiday, it's the churducken(am I saying this right?) LOL If it is anything like the aftermath of sleepiness that Turkey gives you then I can see why so many naps are needed..hahaha Love you!!


Supercheese on 10/12/2011:
I take lots of naps too cause I sleep so poorly at night but you seem to need it with so much walking!! good job!



legcramps - Friday Oct 07, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Good Morning all :)

I have today off work, so when I woke up this morning I thought i'd get a start on this walking challenge with my cousin. I grabbed my Garmin and headed out for a nice long walk. Logged 4.65 miles towards my weekly total :) and just as I stepped back into the house, it started raining. What luck! Maybe things are starting to turn around for me?

Yesterday was the anniversary of my grandpa's death. He's been gone for two long years. It was the first thing to cross my mind when I woke up. I miss him so much.

I took umpqua's advice and had some yogurt with my morning anti-biotic. I noticed some slight nausea while I was walking, but nothing like the last two mornings - so thankful!

When I got home, I made myself an egg and turkey bacon bagel and had my morning coffee. Now I think I am going to read for a bit and then run some errands this afternoon. 10 books read so far!

Today I will remember that I have the strength to persevere.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

sweetpea1977 on 10/07/2011:
We love our Garmins. Our second one quit working a little while ago and we felt so lost without it. Anyway, we just pre-ordered a brand new very high end model for $400 off of Amazon and its scheduled to arrive some time next week. Its Christmas in October for hubby! :) In addition to using it for GPS, he will get free lifetime map and traffic updates as well as use it to listen to his audiobooks. He's so excited! Anyway, so glad you're able to map out your walks with it. Such a handy tool!

Death anniversaries are always difficult. Im keeping you in my thoughts today!


grannyannie on 10/07/2011:
Well done. Sounds like you had a great day. Love my Garmin as well. I understand about anniversaries as well.


Umpqua on 10/07/2011:
Great job on the walk and I'm glad your nausea lessened. Have a great weekend!


biscottibody59 on 10/08/2011:
RYC: Coffee's an issue with me--I'm up and down with it.

Hope you're having a good weekend!


V on 10/09/2011:
Thinking of you my friend! Sending lots of love your way


~WI~ on 10/10/2011:
Glad you are feeling better and that the yogurt worked! Good to get all that exercise physically and mentally, you are doing so awesome!


moogy on 10/10/2011:
Your day sounds really good so far. Even the remembering bit, I bet you remembered him with love. Yes, you are right you do have the strength to persevere. I am always amazed that somehow we manage to get through all the stuff that life throws at us:)



legcramps - Thursday Oct 06, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Was sick again this morning. Woke up around 6am and used the heating pad on my back until I started feeling better. No advil today. I refuse.

I've been taking anti-biotics for my tooth infection and it's finally starting to help. My tongue keeps wanting to move over the place where my tooth used to be, so i'm trying to be aware of that consciously so that I can stop myself when it happens. It feels good to feel better! Although, now I have this sinus cold i'm trying to keep away, and i've been sick for the last two mornings. Can't win for losing!

I slept in this morning so today i'm a mess: Wearing brown dress slacks and a grey top, no makeup, and my hair is still wet but I tried to style it as best I could. It's gonna be one of THOSE days. At least today I brought 1.5 litres of water with me and I plan to guzzle it through the day and get back on the water wagon!

My plan was to make pita pizzas yesterday for dinner, but i've been only able to pick at the stuffed zuchinni lately so i'd like to try and finish that off first before I make something else.

My cousin wants me to join her in a walking challenge, so I said I would. We are supposed to check in with each other once a week with our stats (mileage, time, etc.). It will run until the end of the year. I'm hoping this will help me to get back into running more often beause i've really been letting that slip away and this would give me a good base to start from.

Zumba tonight!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 10/06/2011:
I wonder if the antibiotics are causing your tummy issues? They wreak havoc on my stomach. I'm only doing the TurboFire toning classes, the HIIT and Fire classes are way too aerobic for me, just not my thing. I love the toning using the resistance bands though, it's a way tougher workout than when I was using free weights. Feel better!


Umpqua on 10/06/2011:
Yogurt - even a couple of spoonfuls, will help. I always try to take it wiht antibiotics, the biggest benefit is preventing yeast infections (sorry to go there) but it should also help your tummy. I know you eat a lot of it already so it may not be applicable, but you could try taking it with the antibiotics.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/310295-why-eat-yogurt-with-antibiotics/


grannyannie on 10/06/2011:
Hope you're feeling better soon. I get the sinus headaches sometimes. Hope you can handle the Zumba and have fun! Re jump rope - it's a great aerobic workout. I work in about 8 sets of 25 skips with my tae bo workout.


hackersdiet on 10/06/2011:
I love having a friend to keep me accountable. I feel like that is what DD is for me. Take care and get well soon, and don't feel too competititve with your cousin. Perhaps just say if you met your goal yes or no without details of how much exercise you did...Unless you are similar in fitness level and have similar goals too. Anyway, that sounds fun! I hope you feel well soon!


sweetpea1977 on 10/06/2011:
Ooh, a walking challenge! Sounds fun! I am willing to bet that you will win. :)

I hope you feel better soon!


Supercheese on 10/06/2011:
Oh yes it was scary but shes out of my life now!!! I hope you feel better :) How do you make your pita pizza cause that sounds interesting....Have fun at zumba!


glycrina on 10/06/2011:
thanks for validating my feelings.


V on 10/06/2011:
:) That would make me so happy if you did...If you love bootcamp, I know you will LOVE Turbo Fire <3 There are so many ways you can go about this... You could do Turbo prep before you jump into the regular class schedule or just jump right into it...There is the "new to class" options on all of the choreographed stuff to show you the tricks of how to get the most of the workout... Chalene's right hand girl Allie is the go to girl if you don't want to go as hard as the rest of the class..Trust when i say that as a gym rat myself i was a bit skeptical, but everytime I push play it is like a party that only the elite, fittest of the fit is invited to.. If you are up to the challenge, I guarantee you will NEVER get bored.. If you have more questions feel free to ask, and BTW I would be honored to be your Turbo coach



legcramps - Wednesday Oct 05, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I felt sick this morning when I woke up. Much better now though. I took Benadryl last night before bed because I felt a nasty cold coming on, but this morning it was my stomach and back that were in pain, like period pain. And at work, everytime I get up from my desk to walk around, my hips hurt. Maybe too much sodium yesterday?

Zumba tonight!

I calculated wrong yesterday when I mentioned how many books i'd read since Sept 16th when I went to the book fair. I bought 36 books. I've read 9 so far. I had to count them twice because I didn't believe it, but yeah. 9.

I finally received an e-mail from my brother regarding our family situation. I had to remind him about it, he'd forgotten!

I told him some things that I bet he didn't think I knew, and then I told him that I wanted to support our mother in getting some help, and I was also going to support my father by not cutting him out of my life. I guess what my brother decides to do is his choice. He's left some things up to me; he will talk to our father about the reunion and having him no longer attend, and I will talk to our mother about some of her issues. He asked me to do it without riling anyone up! LOL, I find that both humorous and impossible. End result for me? He abused her, and she's been emotionally abusing me for even longer. If she can't ask for help, I can't help her. And I won't let her berate me any longer for the things that he did.

Of course, I will manage to be much more compassionate than that, because I really do care about what happens and how we respond to this situation. There's a quote out there by someone I can't recall that goes "We are not who we are because of what's been done to us. We are who we are because of how we choose to respond to what's been done to us."

If you choose to deal with your pain by bottling it up and becoming insecure, who are you? Insecure. And that's a bomb just waiting to explode.

If you choose to deal with your pain by letting it out, discussing it, and moving on, who are you?

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 10/05/2011:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=14900930

A few years ago, there was a tragic shooting the Amish community near where I lived at the time. A shooter walked into a small Amish schoolhouse and shot and killed five young students and wounded others. To say this was tragedy in the Amish community is an understatement. Their ability to forgive brought me to tears when the article above. The Amish community (who is not known for their wealth) actually raised money for the widow and children of the convicted shooter who killed thier children.


glycrina on 10/05/2011:
Wait. The reason why I am sharing this with you is to say that anything is possible when get the help we need to move on. It sounds like your dad was wrong but you are completely right in so much as your mother taking it out on you is also wrong. Sorry to get all corny on you but I got this article from a friend and it made me think about my own cabaility to forgive and then I read your entry and it made me think of your mom's inability to forgive and how it is affecting your relationship with her.


glycrina on 10/05/2011:
You are correct about the scale.


Umpqua on 10/05/2011:
I love how men are able to forget about important stuff like what's going on in your family. Sometimes I wish I could forget about that stuff! You are doing some serious reading :) I hope Zumba was fun!


V on 10/05/2011:
Oh i am so sorry, I hope your mother accepts the help..I am sure you know she lashes out her anger at people that are closest to her, and she really doesn't mean it(I am sure you know this) I am hoping for the best for you and your brother..


sweetpea1977 on 10/05/2011:
wow, I hope your mom accepts help. I think she lashes out as a form of release or control. Keeping you in my thoughts!


thinkpositive on 10/05/2011:
Your mother has some mental health issues but you don't have to let her abuse you in any way and if she starts just say or yell stop, I won't allow you to speak to me in that manner. A good friend of mine was emotionally abused by her mother and telling her mother over & over that she wouldn't listen to her abusive comments towards her or anyone else it did help her gain control & improved their relationship. Very hard when you can't count on your parents for support the love that you need.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/06/2011:
sorry to hear about your mom and those family issues that you unfortunately are a part of...so many families have secrets and hardships similiar...it's just so sad. Even my family has secrets that I am not privy to...sad when it causes anxiety and hardship between family members.

On another note, that's a TON of books that you've read. Your brain is definitely not turning to mush!

I cannot exercise that late either, I was up till around midnight on the night that I went to the gym at 9. I only did it because I hadn't gone in so long and I knew i was waking up a little later and i'd be at work for less hours the next day. but i was soooo tired! :-D



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