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legcramps - Friday Sep 23, 2011

Weight: 164.0

This is insane. I wish I was kidding.

I was really starting to feel so much better about things yesterday. I was calm; I regarded my "issues" from a different perspective and was beginning to realize that I couldn't change some things and I had to let go of the control. I really thought I was making progress.

In my family, we grew up with a saying that i'm sure you've all heard before... "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." I needed to start living by this instead of just having it burned into my memory from my childhood ;)

But my family is multi-faceted, as are all. Mine tends to want control over most situations, and we have extremely high expectations for the people we share relationships with. When things don't go the way we expect it to, it's very difficult to accept. I'm saying this because something happened yesterday that blew up the little bubble i've been living in for the last 30 years. That little bubble was so nice. It had blue polka dots, serious. And licorice.

I got a phone call from my Mother who proceeded to "tear a strip off me" for close to ten minutes. I was shocked. I was so shocked I didn't know what to say. My parents have been divorced for over 30 years. It's never been brought up, but I know that circumstances back then did not make it easy for her to leave the relationship. They have never been in a situation together where it's 'gone bad'. So when my brother and I had the bright idea of planning a family reunion next summer, we thought nothing of inviting the in-laws and extended families. Not only did that mean my brother's mother-in-law would be invited, it also meant our Father would be invited.

But now, apparently, I can "go right ahead and un-invite him".

You know, I can understand her reasons for not wanting him there, and I can understand why she might feel disrespected by her children, and I can even understand why she felt we were dishonoring her own Father who supported her throughout the divorce. The issue, for me, is not about whether he goes to the reunion or not. Truly, I don't care. The issue is this, and i'll ask it in question form:

If you were ever in a bad relationship, would you divulge the details to your children? Would you expect them to choose sides? Would you not want to find the help you need to get over it and move on after 30 years?

I have a wonderful relationship with my Dad; I don't want anything to come inbetween that. 30 years is a long time to work on getting over things. How much sympathy can I possibly have left?

Life, you are really starting to piss me off. As Mother Teresa said "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much".

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

KayBee on 09/23/2011:
Tough situation! Of course you love your father and your mother ... and they should look over their problems and see the big picture, because they must have loved each other once and they raised kids together, daughters and sons who wish to have both parents around of course. It does make sense. That's why kids suffer the most when parents decide to divorce. But well, some people cannot make a happy face while feeling bad inside, and some people do... I am from a "single-mother" family, I met my father in 2005 and he died next year, unexpectedly. I never got to know him too much, but my mother never said anything nearly bad about him. She always said that things didn't work out between them, but she could never feel angry towards a man who gave her such a perfect gift (yeah, that would be me, LOL)...


glycrina on 09/23/2011:
Wow that is deep legs. I guess you are expecting your mom to have gotten over it in 30 years. I would think she probably she should have as well. She SHOULD not put you in the middle, she should not make you choose and she should be more understanding. BUT she's not. It took me years, but I finally realized I could not change my mother. I never realized how badly I wanted my mom to be someone that she was not. It sounds like your mom is placing expectations on you (to be more understanding and to take her side), but it also sounds like she isn't meeting your expectations either. That is the only part you have control over: your expectations of your mother, everything else in on her. I hope this doesn't get you off of your healthy, happy course. Have a good weekend.


moogy on 09/23/2011:
My husband decided that after being together for 30 years that he actually didn't want to be married. I absolutely expect my children to take sides - mine!! Fortunately their both do!!! They are welcome to have a relationship with their Father, which they do, I am lucky that they can both see what an idiot he is!!. I understand your mother's feelings completely but not her reaction to you - not right! Ah! Life - it was never meant to be easy, it's a test!!! Good luck:)


V on 09/23/2011:
Okay so it is obvious that your mother still has unresolved thoughts and feelings but it is not fair to lay them on you and your brother..This is a very sticky situation and I am sorry that this wonderful idea that you guys had is spiraling...So what do you do??? IDK :(


hollybelle on 09/24/2011:
Couple of thoughts - first and foremost - a parent should not act like that toward a child. There is a way to communicate that you are displeased about something someone did without verbally assaulting them. Yes when someone harbors such hard feelings toward an ex-spouse after so many years one owes sit to oneself and those that love them to get some help and move on! Second - I'm not sure I understand who you are saying is invited to the family reunion. My experience has been that a family reunion is typically for one side of a family - all realated folks and their spouses, children and their spouses, grandchildren, etc. are typically invited. For example, if I were to have a reunion of my father's side of the family I wouldn't invite members from my mother's side. They are only related by the marriage of my mother and father and don't really know each other, although they all know me. If I were to invite both sides it would be considered more of a party I was throwing instead of a family reunion. I don't know if everyone thinks of it this way or not - and I would say that there are not hard rules on who is truly "family", but when I think of an organized get together as a family reunion per se it typically contains only one line of relatives. Does that make sense? Hopefully you will get this resolved soon. Try to get your brother to invervene if possible. I don't have siblings. Wish I did so I could divide and conquer this type of stuff that happens in my family!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/24/2011:
I don't think I personally have the answer bc i don't want to give bad advice. One thing I always hear is that every family has secrets, has drama as well. I guess your family follows this unfortuante theme - so does mine. Honestly, if he has people he gets along with, I think he should go to the reunion, unless the only thing it would cause - for him and everyone - is pain and annoyance, then why go?


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/24/2011:
On the police academy, it will be a slow process if it does work, i have my fingers crossed. After taking the test, you usually wait a minimum of 6 months to begin the rest of the application process - so basically I just need to forget right now about it. It is always in the back of my head anyways, hoping that it does work out for me. Other parts of the application included a physical test as well as a written and verbal psychological test.


biscottibody59 on 09/24/2011:
Not enough info somehow for me to comment, which is just as well:-)

I wish you peace!


hackersdiet on 09/25/2011:
Well, this is just my opinion but...I think you should go ahead and uninvite your dad as your mom asked. Because, he knows why she feels this way, even if you don't. So, he will understand. You can't make her forgive him, but you can respect the relationship (or lack of relationship) that they have established. I think your parents didn't tell you details to respect each other and to protect you from being in the middle. Your mom didn't slam your dad. That is good of her, because you have a good relationship with your dad. And she wanted that for your sake. But not for her sake. So, I think your should forgive her for not forgiving him, appreciate that she was able to keep from poisoning your relationship with your dad, and move on with an attitude of ...it is what it is...Good luck and congratulations on having two parents who love you!


~WI~ on 09/26/2011:
I went to Florida in June to see my youngest, my daughter, graduate high school. She wanted ALL of us (me, her brother, her boyfriend, her dad and his girlfriend) to go out to eat after graduation. I said “absolutely not” and not because I haven’t ‘gotten over’ him or our divorce or our failed relationship. Actually, I have. It is just that sometimes when you’ve been in a horrible relationship, it is just BETTER for EVERYONE ELSE if the two of you do not occupy the same room at the same time. Because unlike television where people seem to ‘stay friends’ for the sake of ‘the kids’ in reality, staying friends has nothing to do with it. Look at the relationships you’ve had that didn’t work out and the ones that you honestly put your heart and soul into, are you still friends with the one who broke your heart? You may not mind seeing them in the grocery store, but there will always be things that rub the scars created by hurt. Scar tissue may be tough, but it isn’t without feeling. Your mom’s reaction shows that she isn’t a robot without feeling. She has scars and she reacted to the pain at the thought of spending time in the same place with HER EX…not “your dad.” At the same time, she hasn’t asked you to stop loving him or caring about him or to boot him out of your life. And just like I do with my daughter, when her dad was trying to teach her the few things he did, I supported him and told my daughter I did even though I NEVER talked to him. I didn’t not talk to him because he is the kids dad, I didn’t talk to him because he is my ex and the scars caused by that failed relationship will always be there. No amount of psychiatry or medicine or anything else will remove scars. I’m a human being and I have a heart. So while it seems crazy that someone would hold on to bad feelings after 30 years, it is actually not the bad feelings she is holding on to as it is the scars reacting to the pain. Like I did with my daughter, after I said “absolutely not” I then told her I would go but she shouldn’t expect it to be a reconciliation like on the movies. I told her I would be polite. In the end, her dad decided he wouldn’t go. Just as your heart has scars and as you react in various ways to different situations, so does your mom, so does your dad. You don’t have to support her by picking her over your dad, you can give her love by recognizing the scars and just saying I know you have your reasons for hurting, and I love you mom. I never want my children to ‘pick’ me over their dad, to tell them to stop loving him because of what happened to us, nahh. I just sometimes need reassurance that they do love me, more importantly so they know I love them.


~WI~ on 09/26/2011:
OH AND I wanted to let you know, I tried that tennis ball thing...that felt wonderful! I always get some helpful hints from you :)



legcramps - Thursday Sep 22, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Sometimes, when you get down on life, life gets down on you...

And I certainly don't mean that in any nasty sexy way so don't go getting the wrong idea up in those heads of yours :)

What I mean is I've been feeling sorry for myself and my life for the last... gosh... month? and now life has swiveled its ugly little head around to me and said "look, you think you got it bad? i'll show you bad".

Dog looks sallow. Sallow, sickly, pale, ashen. In just the last couple of days I've been struggling with cuddling her too closely because she's so fragile I feel I might break her. Her eyes look even bigger these days and I think I die a little each time she looks at me as if to ask "How come I'm not feeling better?". Every single minute, I wonder if she's suffering.

I'm tired. That's all. And I need to put things in perspective. As soon as one little thing goes wrong I feel all 'overwhelmed and can't deal with life'. I think I might have some control issues, yeah?!

So yesterday after Zumba was over, I had to eat something. Heartburn was burning a hole in my stomach so I snacked on some almonds and had leftover quesadilla. 

Today I am working on letting go of the control. Whatever happens, happens. Who am I to entertain the thought that I can bend the lines of life? I will do my best with what I'm given and "that'll do, donkey". I have another Zumba class tonight and when I get home at 8pm I might just go straight to bed. Or take a warm bath, do the tennis ball thing under my neck and read a book. If my eyes will stay open long enough!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/22/2011:
I totally relate to your entry. I do that too when one thing goes wrong I just can't handle anything. It is not helpful. Right now I am little stressed at work because the kids are a pain in the butt and I have been dieting and exercising for weeks and have only lost a pound. I am fighting the discouragement. But i keep telling myself to not let the little battles keep me from losing sight of the BIG PICTURE (sorry my metaphor went astray there but you understand where I am going). Successful people do not let the day to day problems get in the way of their larger goals. Okay enough of me. Have a good day, twin!


grannyannie on 09/22/2011:
Sorry you're so down. At least you're managing to get to your Zumba classes. It looks like so much fun but they don't have them where I live and I don't want to try a DVD. Have a long warm, relaxing soak in the tub and a cuppa herbal tea and a good sleep.


Umpqua on 09/22/2011:
Not being able to bend the lines of life. What a huge and scary concept, so well put! I'm so sad to hear about Dog. You are doing the best you can given your circumstances. I'm thinking of you!


V on 09/22/2011:
Girl with all that you have been going through, I totally understand..I am glad that you ad least have a place to sort this all out, in your head, here... This is some heavy duty stuff that has been placed in your lap...I am sorry that Dog is not feeling so stellar.. Sending lots of prayer and positive vibes your way


hollybelle on 09/23/2011:
Well, I think there would be something missing if you didn't feel sad. I really understand being sad about Dog. I have two that I strongly suspect are the only ones around here who understand me most of the time! I also understand what it is like to have one thing going wrong in life and projecting that on over on to everything. But when that one thing is pretty big it does tend to bleed over on to the rest. Although learning to departmentalize things is a useful coping skill - sometimes that one department is just bigger than the rest. Sometimes it can help to look back to a similar time and remember and see that we did get past that, one way or the other, and this too shall pass. But sometimes it's just so damn sad at the moment what happened in the past just doesn't matter at the time. I believe you are intentional and focused enough that you will make the most of the time you and dog have together. I am so sorry this happened to Dog and you. I am thinking about you every day.



legcramps - Wednesday Sep 21, 2011

Weight: 164.0

When I need those neighbour boys to be outside when I am, of course they are nowhere to be seen. Hopefully I will catch one of them before the weekend is over so that my grass can get cut.

I was hoping to take Monday and Tuesday off work to clean out my garden and flower bed, but it's not looking like that will happen. This is disappointing because my Dad was going to come visit on Tuesday and help me out :(

So yesterday my eats were super-good: ezekiel toast with peanut butter and honey, bean burger for lunch, yogurt and granola, and a chicken quesadilla for dinner that I made myself. Great eating day, and great cost-saving day as well!

After work I met with the landscaper to go over what trees I need to have trimmed, did some quick cleaning and cooked up my dinner, then went to a friend's to watch Bridesmaids. I didn't get home until 11pm, so I am a tired bunny today. My normal bedtime is around 10pm and I probably didn't get to sleep until close to midnight. 6am sure came quickly today.

Today I am going to take advantage of circumstances and eat for free for both lunch and dinner. There is a staff appreciation bbq today for lunch, and I have an evening meeting tonight which will provide dinner. Another great cost-saving day :) Works for me.

I have a Zumba class scheduled for tonight at 8pm, but I'm not sure if I'll be back in time from the meeting. I'm hoping to go just to do some venting but we'll see what happens.

Also looking into going for a massage in the city. My neck and shoulders feel like they're going to give out on me and my back is starting to give me troubles. Stress. I've been trying really hard this week to not let the stress get to me, but I'm sort of at a loss as to how to go about it. I tried downloading an app to my phone that would help me sleep (meditation) but it didn't work. I don't really know what else to do besides things that will cost me money that I desperately need for other things. One thing I am going to try either tonight or tomorrow is a short, ten minute rest on the floor with a tennis ball under my neck and my legs up against the wall. I've done this in the past and it does release some tension.

Here's to Hump Day! May it be over quickly ;)

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 09/21/2011:
Hope you have a great day... as much as its expensive, a massage is really AMAZING for stress, totally worth it in my opinion!


tangalyn on 09/21/2011:
good luck getting ur grass cut.. hope u have a great day!


KayBee on 09/21/2011:
Massage, yayyyyyy :) Hey, plans look good! :) xoxo, Kat


glycrina on 09/21/2011:
Hey legs -- I love when I don't have to spend money on food. You sound like you are in a better place today. I think you should at least take Tuesday off if you can to spend with your dad. I wish I had more opportunities to spend with my dad. Anyway, I am glad to hear you are saving money and eating well.


grannyannie on 09/21/2011:
Nice menus! Love massages! Nice on the free meals.


V on 09/21/2011:
Girl they were therapists at the health food store today giving FREE massages today.. Too bad yo live so far away :( Today would have been a triple whammy for reals :)


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/21/2011:
i KNOW exactly what you mean about the pain in your neck and shoulders. for the first time ever, i've experienced it often this year at work. terrible! and something that a massage is quite necessary for!

as for your foods, they do sound delicious!


thinkpositive on 09/22/2011:
Maybe too much going on & not enough time to decompress. A massage does sound like the right therapy.



legcramps - Tuesday Sep 20, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Yesterday morning, I tried out some of this stuff:

Coconut Water.

Blegh.

I'm not really sure why I thought this would taste good to me... I've never liked coconut, ever in my life. Oh well, you can't say I'm not game to try new things. Besides, I can eat coconut on, like, donuts.

After the workday was over, I took Dog to the park for some playtime. We didn't stay long because a) I was afraid of another dog coming, smelling her sickness, and tearing her apart; and b) I didn't want to wear her out so that she had breathing troubles all night long. When I opened the car door to have her jump back in, she looked at me so sorrowfully that I felt a little guilty about cutting playtime short.

As Dog gobbled up her dinner of beef, rice and cottage cheese, I made myself a black bean burger with lots of spinach and some dill pickle fries. Then I did some cleaning and some laundry, made a couple of phone calls, and passed out on the couch. Yep.

I woke up around 1:30am to the sounds of Dog snoring away. I got up, went to the bathroom, had some water and then tried to go back to sleep, but Dog was snoring so loudly there was no chance for sleep. After an hour of listening to her snore, I gave up and said out loud "Dog! Seriously! Stop!" and woke her up. Backatcha, babe. So I kept her awake until I fell asleep again. Cruel, but effective. Plus, she gets to sleep all day so I'm sure I didn't disrupt her daily routine too much.

Today after work the landscaper is coming to look at my trees. I also need to work on some dog park things and I want to take Dog to the park again. In looking back, I should have accepted the neighbour boy's help to cut the grass because it's close to being a jungle out there. Priorities, you know. Balance, right?!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/20/2011:
my dog's farts usually wake me up.


glycrina on 09/20/2011:
I also like most foods. That is why I am on diet. you could work out too. If I can do it, anybody can do it. Wait, don't you run?? I don't run so maybe we just look alike but we are opposites.


getmebackto150 on 09/20/2011:
I didn't like the coconut water and I do like coconut... It tasted just funny to me... Hope you have a good day!


liza36 on 09/20/2011:
I have a cat that snores every now and then. It seems strange coming from the tiny thing. Hope you have a good day.


V on 09/20/2011:
Hahah!! I agree it is pretty gross, right up there with Greek Yogurt..Grossness..LOL Have a good one!!


moogy on 09/20/2011:
One thing I don't miss about sleeping with my husband, the snoring!!!! Always accept help when it's offered, it gives another person a chance to serve you and they get bonus points!!! Good luck with the jungle!!



legcramps - Monday Sep 19, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Whirlwind of a weekend; too bad I can't take some time off work to recover from my two days off!

First of all, I told you all I wanted to find some balance this weekend. I want to let you know how I did with that; how about a list of the work vs. the play? Sure!

WORK - Cleaning. I desperately needed to get some of this in. I managed to clean the kitchen, and start on my laundry.

PLAY - Hiking. I spent all day Saturday with my Dad, walking and hiking and enjoying the weather. It was awesome. I fell asleep quickly at bedtime ;)

WORK - Or what I consider work: Quick visit with my Dad's ex. She is not doing the best and is getting down on herself. I spent a good hour trying to get her to look at things more positively. I was drained afterwards. I hope the conversation helped her a bit.

PLAY - On Sunday I did the Terry Fox Run! I opted to walk the 3k with two other friends, and it was a really wonderful walk and great discussion about Terry Fox and what an inspiration he is to each of us. We also had dinner out and even though I almost ran out of fuel looking for a place to eat (small towns are horrible in regards to this), the end result was a wonderful sandwich and more great discussions.

WORK - Cooking. I had to do this; it was also a desperate need. I made chicken quesadillas and brown rice, more beef for Dog's dinners and bought a few more groceries. Unfortunately for me, I still didn't manage to plan out any of my meals this week. This will undoubtedly lead to some scrambled meals on busy days.

PLAY - I read two whole books in two whole days! Go me! And took a nice warm bath last night to relax my frazzled brain and muscles.

So not too bad! Even though I could use a break from concentrating most of my efforts on staying balanced ;)

Secondly, I wanted to take some advice and list some things that I thought would change with a healthier lifestyle. Good thing I love lists:

- Bad Habits! Staying up too late and not getting enough sleep; indulging too much in foods that I know will make me sick; having the motivation to get outside for some exercise!

- Being happier because I know i'm healthier!

- Showing people around me that leading a healthy lifestyle can be FUN! Being a mentor for those who are looking into being more healthy.

- Having more of a social life because I actually WANT to get out and do things!

The only thing I didn't manage to accomplish this weekend was finding some meditations to fall asleep to. I plan to look into this as the week progresses.

A friend told me about a book fair on Friday evening and three of us hit it up to find some great paperback books at an awesome price - $.25 each! Can't go wrong! I picked up $9 worth of books - around 36 books. I hope this will last me through the boring winter, but since I've already read two I'm not so sure it will! I found a whole lotta books by V.C. Andrews (author of Flowers in the Attic) so I can't wait to delve into those.

What do you think? Pretty good weekend? Just writing this entry has put a smile on my face!

Stress will be evident this week as we lead up to the weekend and our workbee for the dog park. As well, I have someone looking into trimming the trees in my yard and I have a big flower bed to totally clean out early next week. I am going to make a HUGE effort to stay balanced throughout the week and hopefully the results will be as great as the weekend was!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/19/2011:
I LOVE this entry. I too need to find balance. I feel so much better when I have accomplished stuff and have earned a rest. I am so happy for you.


Umpqua on 09/19/2011:
GREAT weekend, well done!


V on 09/19/2011:
Wow busy girl :) I read the entire, Flower, Petals. If there be thorns.. Twisted family tale indeed!! You shall be entertained for quite some time!! Have a wonderful evening!!


~WI~ on 09/20/2011:
Such lovely things you did and so much you accomplished, great job!



legcramps - Friday Sep 16, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I am an up-and-down rollercoaster of emotions and I need to get a handle on it. This isn't healthy. I went to Zumba last night and i'm so glad I did - I felt so much better almost immediately!

Eats yesterday were ezekiel toast with peanut butter and half a banana, half a sliced apple, vegetable noodle soup, half a salmon sandwich, half an egg sandwich, greek yogurt (yuck) with granola, dill pickle fries (!!) and brown rice.

Seems like a lot of food, so I added the calories up on FitDay.com and it all comes to:

1,625 calories! Not so bad!

I have decided that I do not like greek yogurt. The one I tried was with honey, but the consistency and after taste made me literally nauseus. I wouldn't have gotten it down without some granola.

The dill pickle fries were from a recipe I found on Mama Pea's food blogging site. I think it would have been wonderful had I tried this with sweet potato fries but unfortunately, there were none in the grocery store so I had to go with white potato fries. Anyways, if you want to try it out check out Mama Pea's site:  http://peasandthankyou.com/recipage/?recipe_id=6001954 well worth checking out, plus her blog entries are hilarious reading material!

I really need to clean my kitchen today after work, and then prepare for a trip to see my Dad tomorrow. We are planning on doing some hiking so i'm really looking forward to it. Dog will be staying with her Grandma for the day ;)

This weekend I plan to focus on balance. I have been so stressed recently and you're all right - I need to focus on my health so that I can cope more easily with everything that's going on in my life. There are a lot of changes I want to make; I hope to incorporate a few more things into my fall routines with the idea of gaining more energy and stressing out a lot less ;) Easier said than done!

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend :)

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 09/16/2011:
That was a good calorie count. Have you tried meditation? Yoga? I'm finding it easier to handle restricted calories by meditating every night for at least 15 minutes. Hang in there. You'll do it.


getmebackto150 on 09/16/2011:
good job on the calories yesterday! Sounds like a fun weekend planned with your family... I love your idea of focusing on balance! Have a great weekend:)


glycrina on 09/16/2011:
I am so glad you went to Zumba. Stress makes us fat which makes us more stressed. It is a viscious cycle I have been in for 7 (make that 8!)years -- time i can't get back, time away from the people and things I enjoy most. I am 31 years old and the cycle stops now. You in? *wink*


rockingrobyn on 09/16/2011:
I've heard ZUMBA is really good exercise for losing weight.I can't handle all that moving.i have to do slower stuff.I seem to stick to walking/stationary bike,aerobic rider,and gazelle best.I also do self hypnosis which is like meditation.i listen to subliminal music to release tyhe stress and helps me sleep at night too.Proper sleep helps with losing weight too.i need to start doing resistance strength exercises.


grannyannie on 09/16/2011:
I just googled zumba as I've never heard of it. It looks like fun!


panda22 on 09/16/2011:
Hope you have a nice weekend and visit with your dad :). I too am not a real fan of most greek yogurts. The only brand i like is Chobani and I can sometimes eat Fage but only fruit varieties, i hate the honey ones! My absolute fav is chobani pineapple :). Yoplait and dannon greek are not good at all in my opinion. Anyway, keep up the good work and i hope you find the balance you are looking for and need!


glycrina on 09/16/2011:
I am going to state my opinion on Greek Yogurt; I love it, but I also love regular yogurt. I strongly dislike all the advertising which says that you will like greek yogurt even if you do not enjoy regular yogurt. This is bollocks. It does not taste all that different. It is like saying to someone who hates hates cow's milk that they will like cream. Greek yogurt is a creamier version of the original.


moogy on 09/16/2011:
Balance - elusive but good if we can get it. Like motivation it is tricky to hold onto. I hope you have a balanced day today and feel good about yourself and the way you are handling the things life is throwing at you.:)


biscottibody59 on 09/16/2011:
Hang in there with it all:-) Have a good weekend!


V on 09/16/2011:
We have fried pickles at my bar...They are so evil but soooo good :P Lol!! Thank you for your lovely comments :) I am hoping to hear from them soon :)


Umpqua on 09/17/2011:
I hope you have fun with your Dad today!


hollybelle on 09/18/2011:
Love fried pickles. Not too many places here that have them. Hope trip to Dad's was good.



legcramps - Thursday Sep 15, 2011

Weight: 164.0

I don't know where that feeling of peace went...

But I want it back!

Yesterday an outside force made it difficult for me to end my day on a good note. I do not like, nor do I appreciate it when someone tries to blow their work off on someone else (read: ME). I am so far beyond frustrated with this person that I can't even cool off enough to respond to her.

1) My Dog is dying; that's pretty stressful.

2) I am single and I live alone and that means I have a whole lot of things to tend to when i'm at home. I am the only one who is there to do it.

3) I want to do fun things too. I want to go to Zumba, I want to get back into running. All this takes up time.

4) I have school; I take a class. An actual class.

5) I have already taken the lead for this person regarding so many things - sometimes I just want to shake her and ask her to please grow some balls!

She's asked to have a project she initiated be taken over by someone else because she "doesn't have the time". She goes to nine hours of classes a week, she says. I disagree. First of all, her classes are MARTIAL ARTS and KICKBOXING. I'm sorry, I don't define those things as classes. Second of all, she has no problem missing these classes when something else comes along that would be fun to do (i.e. golfing, concerts, etc.). So because she can't miss her "classes", I should miss mine to take over her work? Yet again?

I am so frustrated, it's unbelievable. I am overwhelmed with all of the things that need to be done. I am overwhelmed by constantly being the one who everyone turns to when they need help. I am pissed off that no one can give me a freakin moment to breath in this place.

I didn't go to Zumba last night because I was concerned that I would need to stick around for the dog park stuff. But i'm going tonight. Screw them; they can figure just this one thing out without my help. I'm done for today, I need a break.

I'm sorry i'm venting to all of you, I just feel like i'm letting other people control what I do and what I don't do. I choose how to live my life. I have that power. No one else.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/15/2011:
She can't do work because she goes to kickboxing classes?!?! I don't know where you work but I want that job. That would make me angry too. But anger is a "red flag" emotion that something is not right and needs to be fixed. It sounds like this person is using you; I am just guessing. Take care of yourself because this person is not going to make sure you get taken care of . . . I am aggravated for you.


Umpqua on 09/15/2011:
I think there are certain times in life where you just have to tell people to screw off. I think this is one of those times haha! You've got a lot going on right now and you certainly don't need some selfish person trying to drain even more of your energy. Take care and take care of yourself!


getmebackto150 on 09/15/2011:
I agree with both of the above comments... With everything going on w/ you right now, you totally have to focus on making yourself happy and putting yourself first... This person totally sounds like a user:( Thinking of you!!


V on 09/15/2011:
Okay the girls has pretty much summed up exactly what i was thinking...Hey is it possible to take a few days off(probably not) while you are going through this with Dog?? I would hate for you to go in for the kill with this broad while you are going through such a stressful time in your life..Too bad I am not able to have a nice chat with your coworker. I would set her straight...Love you <3


thinkpositive on 09/16/2011:
Try this one out " I would stay but I have an important appointment" Or My dog is ill and I have to be home to take care of him/her" Or - "I just can't stay tonight" Some people will take all they can if you give them the opportunity.



legcramps - Wednesday Sep 14, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Good Morning!

I feel at peace today. I'm not sure what changed between yesterday and today, but I feel a whole lot better about some of the decisions I need to make this week. Dog has an appointment with the vet this afternoon. If the vet tells me she thinks it's time, I will try to make the "appt" for Friday and take the day off from work. Last night Dog cuddled with me on the couch. It seemed like she never wanted me to stop petting her. She kept looking up at me with those huge dark eyes, it kills me every time!

I hope she's trying to tell me that it's okay to make the decision I need to make.

Yesterday's foods were okay: oatmeal, chicken and rice, yogurt and granola, potatoes, steamed veggies and a beef burger on whole wheat pita bread. Either I overdid it on the dairy or the carbs; i'll have to compensate for one today to see which one gave me trouble in the bathroom yesterday ;)

I had more dog park errands to run, so I didn't get any exercise in. I thought about pushups just as I was going to bed. I'm confident i'll get back on track with those pushups, though it might take me a few more tries! Tonight is Zumba, but I will go depending on whether or not I need to stay in town for a) anything dog park related, or b) anything Dog illness related.

I brought toasted ezekiel bread to work with me, with peanut butter and half a banana.

Have a good day everyone!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

liza36 on 09/14/2011:
I'm sure you are grateful for that feeling of peace. You and your dog will know when it's the right time, as corny as that sounds. That peaceful feeling is part of it.

Hugs, and take care!


glycrina on 09/14/2011:
Hey twin. I hope everything goes as well as possible at the vet today. I am really feeling it for you.


Umpqua on 09/14/2011:
Good luck at the vet today, I'm thinking of you!


V on 09/14/2011:
I hope you continue to stay strong and positive about this, i know it is tough


thinkpositive on 09/14/2011:
I'll be thinking of you as you make your decision. Dogs have a way of feeling our emotions. Take care.



legcramps - Tuesday Sep 13, 2011

Weight: 164.0

When I woke up this morning I struggled for about 20 minutes trying to figure out what day it was; I finally decided it must be Wednesday or Thursday. Damnit. I hate when it feels like the week should be over and it's only just beginning!

Yesterday my eats weren't the best. I had my ezekiel toast and peanut butter in the morning, then some brown rice and chicken for lunch and yogurt and granola in the afternoon. After that, it sort of went to heck. I ate mozza cheese and crackers for dinner, and mozza cheese and crackers for a snack. Then some more mozza cheese and crackers.

I got some exercise in though, pounding stakes into the ground for our dog park. Can't wait until we start building the fence!

This morning I made up some oatmeal for breakfast and brought it to work with me. I added half a banana, half an apple, some peanut butter and cinammon to top it off. Pretty good! Not as good as V's pumpkin pie sounds, but mine's edible ;)

I couldn't get ahold of the vet yesterday to chat about Dog, so i'll have to try today. I'd really like to take a moment to thank all of you who commented on my post yesterday. I was (and still am) in such a dark place having to deal with saying goodbye to a long-time companion. It's difficult, but just knowing that I have all of your support, plus the support of my family and friends at home, makes it hurt a little less - so thank you!

Today I have more dog park-ish errands to run. I forgot to do my pushups yesterday, so i'm hoping to get that in today as well. It's so cold here today - the wind is brutal. I can't believe I was unintelligent enough to wear capris to work! I will have to change into long pants at lunchtime. I wish I could wear comfy warm sweats or flannel pj's to keep me warm but I don't think my co-workers would approve ;)

The emotion of the day week:

This weekend is the Terry Fox Run in town. I was hoping to run the 5k, but with everything that's been going on lately I think i'd be better off doing the community walk instead. I'll make up my mind on the day I guess! I've been doing some fundraising as part of a team of people; last year we managed to raise over $1,000 and this year we want to match or better that number. If you would like to support my efforts, you can pledge me online at the following link:

http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=1183616&langPref=en-CA

I will be in our local paper twice this week! They'll be using a quote of mine in regards to our dog park efforts, and there will be a write up about the Terry Fox Run as well. Gosh, i'm a superstar! Wicked cool :)

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

glycrina on 09/13/2011:
We look alike. I have dark hair, bangs and similar glasses. I weigh 165. I think you are my dopelganger (sp?). If I could figure out how, I would post a picture. On another note, I have dog and if something happened to him, I would be DEVASTATED. I love that damn dog. As sad as it sounds, there are days that I get out bed just because my dog wants me to. I know there will come a day when I will have to let go of my selfishness and take him to the vet for our last goodbyes. I hope by then I have the coping skills to do so.


V on 09/13/2011:
LOL@ Glycrina being your doppleganger..I am not sure if the world is ready for 2 of you ;) I am :) Both of you could come and drinketh from the Jagerator and we shall have ourselves a blast!!! Hey thanks for asking the videos came out great :) I have all of them posted photobucket on the forum page..So go check them out if you dare..I have to warn you my Ninja Assassin yells are deafening...LOL Have a good one and please let us know what the Vet says


Umpqua on 09/13/2011:
I think you're doing great with eating and exercise considering what a tough time you're going through. And congrats on finishing up your deck, I feel like mine is taking FOREVER. But the finished product will be a massive improvement since we replaced boards and cranked the whole thing up - it was falling apart!


thinkpositive on 09/14/2011:
Advice that was helpful to my husband & I when our dog was very sick was to consider if we were keeping the dog alive for us or for our dog. I don't know if you are in that situation yet but that was helpful to us at the time. Take care,



legcramps - Monday Sep 12, 2011

Weight: 164.0

Awe, my weekend is over :(

Friday night kinda sucked. I went to a meeting. Highlight - sushi! Then I went home and listened to Dog wheeze all over the house.

On Saturday I finished painting the deck, thankgoodnessthat'sover. And thought about cutting the grass. Then decided not to because i'm lazy like that. But I did do some pushups. And then I tried to feed Dog, and I gave her a bath so that she would get some durn sleep already. I bailed on a friend's BBQ in favor of staying at home feeling sorry for both Dog and myself.

Sunday morning was spent going over stuff required for a community dog park; that took one more hour than I had scheduled in my day and I was left with rust all over my hands and hoodie (don't ask) so the morning kinda sucked, just like Friday evening. Then, instead of cutting the grass, doing the laundry, or running other important errands, I went golfing. Hoboy, I was not in a good mood by then, which reminds me I should probably apologize to my golfing partners.

When that was done, I ate some ice cream so that I could be sick today, and I watched a couple of movies at home. Oh, and I did the laundry. Sort of. It's still in the dryer waiting to be folded.

I'm upset and angry in general. I have to make a decision regarding Dog, and I don't want to. I really don't. And that sucks. It's all just really sucky right now. Suckity-suck-suck.

And now for a little less "Debbie-Downer", i'm really loving Zumba. And after this week is over, i'm GOING to get back into working out and being healthy. This is the perfect time for it - summer is almost over and it's time to start working on my fall routine. I love structure.

So i'm off to schedule my exercise into the month work and then work some more and then do some errands and then call the vet. Monday funday!

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!

getmebackto150 on 09/12/2011:
So sorry about your dog... I understand your sentiment and my heart goes out to you:( I am glad to hear you are loving zumba though... I agree it is SO SO fun and a good workout!!! Hope your week is better than your weekend and I am thinking of you during this tough time.


Umpqua on 09/12/2011:
Sorry you're going through such a rough time, take care!


hollybelle on 09/12/2011:
Opened your post just to check on dog status. I'm so sorry about it all. She knows you love her. You'll do the right thing by her when the time comes. It DOES suck that we have to let go of our beloved pets. Thinking about you.


KayBee on 09/12/2011:
I had sushi also Fri night... but I consider that healthy food. If one can avoid mayo, which is present kinda hidden inside the rolls...


KayBee on 09/12/2011:
Sorry about the dog and tough decisions... :-(


liza36 on 09/12/2011:
I'm so sorry about your dog. It's so tough to know what to do. Take care of yourself, and definitely get back to zumba that you love.


V on 09/12/2011:
:( Sending you lots of love my friend!! You need it...I am so sorry for what you are going through



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