- Tuesday Sep 08, 2009
I'm so worried about this darn mortgage. Every time I try to do a budget for my monthly expenses, I turn up short!!! OMG, I just can't even think about it anymore, it's burning a hole in my stomach i'm sure.
The weekend was horribly stressful with my ex's dog. He's just soooooo emotional, that dog! Anyways, i'm glad it's over. I love the dog, don't get me wrong, I just can't handle him on my own.
Ex had his sister's wedding on the weekend, his mother stopped to talk to me today and said that I was very much missed. It is so sad. It's sad because it's so easy for some people to just throw everything away because they think "the grass is greener on the other side". Some days I want to be vengeful and tell everyone exactly what ex was up to before we split and exactly how much I got hurt. Then I think of all the people that would be hurt by what I say, and I can't bring myself to do it. I just wish people would realize what kind of person he is; maybe that would give me some sort of redemption in all of this foolery. Just spouting, venting, needing to get the thoughts off my chest. Ignore!
I ate too much over the weekend, trying to clean out the fridge. Lots of macaroni salad, gosh my stomach hurts just thinking about all the macaroni salad I ate... hopefully back on track today.
Not much else to report. Tonight a friend is coming to watch t.v. (it's a weekly thing); tomorrow might be a waxing night, and that's as far ahead as i'm gonna go for the moment!
- Friday Sep 04, 2009
Another day at my new house, and Zoe (my dog) and I are slowly beginning to get used to the whole idea... now that Chewy (my ex's dog) is here for the weekend, it is complete chaos as we knew it would be. Chewy is not a fan of going to other's homes, and he is making a total scene today. When I went home for lunch, he cried and cried and cried. Then, I could hear him barking when I left the house to come back to work. He's really going to have a hard time here this weekend, but hopefully once he is back at home coming over to my place to visit may not seem like such a big deal anymore.
I'm trying to finish off the leftovers from the past few days - lots of BBQ food leftover, and some chili too. It may not be nutritionally best for me, but i'm gonna empty out that fridge! Once i'm through this food, then I can start fresh with some really great food choices. Exciting!!
Going to take the dogs for a walk after work today, then have coffee scheduled with friends later on. Maybe it will be an early night. That would be okay.
- Thursday Sep 03, 2009
Well, I managed to move into my new house over the last couple of days, but i've got containers and containers of crap that still needs to be unpacked and put somewhere... i'm absolutely exhausted but had to come back to work as there is just too much to do here! I will be so glad when the week is over, even though i've only worked three days out of five!
I will have to look after both dogs this weekend, so that will take up most of my time, but i'm hoping to get a few more containers unpacked and continue adding to my list of needs (garden hose, toothpaste, dish soap, etc...).
My eating is beginning to return to normal, and am trying to cut back on the obscene amounts of caffeine. Eventually, it will even out and i'll get back to my normal routine.
My dog was so enthusiastic when I brought her over to the house last night! She was absolutely excitable! She almost vibrated with happiness... me too, I think.
- Monday Aug 24, 2009
The race is over and even though I did not win any medals or can't really gloat over how well I did, I finished it and that is accomplishment enough, especially with everything else that's been happening in my life thus far. I can only move forward and hope for better next year.
I am so sad that summer is nearly over. What a horrible, horrible summer it's been. I recently found out that someone I had called 'friend' had split up with her husband then started talking constantly to my ex while we were still together, flirting with him and secretly texting him. It is incredibly painful to know you've been betrayed by a friend, AND your boyfriend. I am not sure what to think or say, but I am so tired of it that right now I don't really care. I know that I deserve better than to be treated this way.
I am eating quite well lately, and today am planning on going for a walk after work. It is truly amazing how life can be so much better when even just a little stress is released from your shoulders.
I will be in my new house on Sept 1st!! I am sooooo darn excited, i've invited almost everyone I know to come and party with me that night and take a look at my house. That means i'll probably have to take the 1st off work so that I can prepare to have people over. But, EXCITING!!
- Friday Aug 14, 2009
I have had a pretty good week off of work, so far. I'm glad there's still one more week to go before I go back to work, though. I'm not sure if i'm getting anything done, but i'm having fun all the same!
Well, all of the inspections have been completed on the house with great results, so i'm told, so i'm heading into the realtor's office this afternoon to seal the deal and get on with it! I'm pumped, excited about this new change in my life. Still broken-hearted, but I now know that there are brighter, more wonderful things waiting for me just around the corner.
The run is coming up in about one week's time, and I am really not ready for it. I'll just have to do my best though, and use this as incentive for next year. I am hoping that once I am in my new house I will be better able to make a few lifestyle changes for the better and continue on with doing what is best for me.
- Monday Aug 10, 2009
I think my plan will be to not attend ex's sister's wedding and send a gift and a note to her instead. Thanks for the advice, the advice my friends here gave me seemed a little too uncool for me. I am still hurting very much from the split and I believe I will be hurting for a long time - this wasn't something I wanted to have happen, but you can't change people and my ex doesn't seem to really care too much. If I am still hurting by the time of the wedding, I will only bring other people and myself down.
I have been eating a lot better, although much of it has been eating out. My friends have been feeding me non-stop as well, so I don't have to worry about not having food in the fridge right now.
The mortgage on my house went through, so now all I need to do is wait for the inspection and the posession date, which is September 1st! Yeehaw! I will be so happy to be out of ex's house - it plays with my head and hurts all the more.
I am on holidays for two weeks starting today and it looks like the weather will be quite nice this week so i'll try to take advantage of it and do some walking during the day.
- Friday Aug 07, 2009
I asked a couple other people last night about my dilemma regarding ex's sister and her wedding invitation. Both said that I should go, along with a big "Why not?". Yeah. I think I still don't want to go. I'll have to think on it a bit longer before letting her know, but i'm fairly sure I don't really want to be in that situation, wedding missed or no wedding missed.
I stayed out far too late last night and am paying for it today. I'm really tired. Thank goodness it's Friday and i'm on holidays for the next two weeks. What to do, what to do...
I went out for dinner with family last night and we had chinese. I hardly ever eat chinese and I feel the sodium coursing through my body still. Wow. And it was quite the meal. I think there were eight of us, none really big eaters, and they ordered something like seven huge plates of food. OMG. Full.
- Thursday Aug 06, 2009
Ex's sister called last night, just before I headed out to slo-pitch. She is getting married in September and she wanted me to know that she'd still like it if I went to her wedding. She is very sad that ex and I are split up, but doesn't want to exclude me from anything. I told her I would have to think about it, as I don't want to feel uncomfortable being around ex's family and I don't want anyone else to feel awkward because i'm there.
I really don't think I can go, and that breaks my heart all over again (I cried again last night - there are so many things you give up when you break off a relationship that you don't even realize most of them until you're hit in the face with it).
What do you think? Do you think it would be too uncomfortable for everyone involved? And especially it being ex's sister's wedding - my relationship problems shouldn't be a highlight and they might end up being exactly that. And if I don't go? Then what happens to the relationship I have with his sister? What will she think?
I think it's a NO. God, it breaks my heart.
- Wednesday Aug 05, 2009
Yesterday I took the day off from work and made an offer on a really pretty little house in town. It has a really beautiful yard and a garage and the house is move-in ready, so I decided to take the plunge and go for it. They countered my offer in the afternoon, and I accepted their counter just before dinner! I'm so pleased. If everything goes through, I will be in my new house September 1st! Yay!
Not much else has been going on, ex and I have been getting along well enough so that's a huge stress off my shoulders. I will still be at his place for the remainder of August, but i'm hoping that it won't become too long of a stay in a place I don't want to be anymore. I guess we'll see how it goes - many friends have offered their couches and/or beds so if i'm feeling a little frustrated with things, I know there are other options out there for me.
The light is beginning to show through the clouds again...
- Friday Jul 31, 2009
I managed to still do too many things last night, and I even added another four or so storage containers to the pile that is starting in the spare room. I phoned another couple of places in regards to either renting or selling homes, and I went into the city to purchase more storage containers. It was a really busy night, but I got a lot done.
I will be viewing a house tonight that my mother is dead set against. She used to rent this house, and apparently since then they've done a lot of renovations. I asked her to view it with me because she knows so much about what it used to be like, and she agreed but this morning she refuses to set foot in there because she doesn't think I should buy the house. I asked her why we couldn't at least look at it? and she said if I might be interested in buying it then she wasn't going. Well, why would I look at it if I wasn't interested? I don't really understand why she has to throw this fit. It's not like I have enough on my mind without having to add her hissy fits to the list. At these points in time, I really wish my Dad lived here instead of almost two hours away. I think she is taking her frustrations out on me because my ex and I are trying to be amicable and she's never had that in her life. She's always run away and blocked them out of her life. I think she thinks that's what I should do, but i'm over it. I'm humbled and i'm grateful for the things I have. Revenge or jealousy or whatever she feels - it just doesn't matter to me.
I'm back to eating breakfasts - i've eaten breakfast consecutively for the last two days now. And I don't mean coffee! Last night I ate part of a sandwich for dinner and felt a little sick afterwards. I've run out of the meds I take for heartburn so I need to get that re-filled although, I haven't taken a pill since yesterday morning and i'm not feeling terrible - I can feel it a bit, but it's not as bad as it was. We'll see how the day goes, my stomach still kind of hurts and my left side is uncomfortable.
Tonight ex and I are going to attempt to be at a friends birthday party - at the same time.... probably even in the same room. I was against this initially, but i'm going to give it a try. Why? Because i'm not thinking clearly, that's why. Because I want to wallow in my misery, just for one more night.