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legcramps - Wednesday Jul 22, 2009

Weight: 0.0

Blah.  Packing seems like a wickedly difficult chore now.  I sort of wandered around the house yesterday and don't think I packed a single thing!  I moved things around, picked up one pile and switched it with another pile, but really don't think I accomplished much.  Then my friend phoned and took me out to the ballgame, so the rest of the night was good!  BF and I were supposed to talk money last night but he wigged out on me so now it's left for another day.  I am looking at homes on Friday, already set up viewing times with the realtor, so I hope he is ready to talk about it tonight.

After work I ended up having a little cry outside with the dogs.  I am going to miss the bigger one, the one that will probably stay with BF.  He's a handful, that dog, but i'm still going to miss him!  He always knows when you're feeling sad and he'll always sit right beside you (he would sit on top of you if he could!) and lean into you.  Anyways, I took a short nap afterwards and forgot all about eating supper.  This morning I tried to eat cereal, but it wasn't going down very well so I left half of it.  Bought myself a mocha though, and I brought some crackers to work with me.  Maybe those i'll be able to eat.

Slo-pitch is tonight.  So many obstacles.  Like I said to someone yesterday regarding the break-up:  [change]... It's just a pain in the a$$!!!!!!

halley on 07/22/2009:
I know this is a tough time for you, but it seems like it really is for the best. I wish you well.



legcramps - Tuesday Jul 21, 2009

Weight: 0.0

It was a cold, dark night in the world yesterday.  BF and I decided to split.  To be truthful, I feel kind of... relieved.  I know this is a new chapter in my life that I must walk through on my own.  It will be a tough little while until everything is finalized, but such is life.  This too shall pass, right?!

I haven't been eating much for the last couple of days but i'm making up for it in exhorbitant amounts of calorie-rich mochas.  I don't look forward to the pounding headaches i'll receive when life is back to normal and I don't need the insane amount of caffeine i'm taking in now.  This morning I had some cereal for breakfast, and lettuce with bacon for lunch.  I plan to bbq chicken burgers for supper and I have leftover rice in the fridge.  I just sighed when I read that last sentence back to myself - it seems like so much work.  Can't I just take a nap instead?!

Tai-chi was on the slate for tonight, and I am hoping i'll have the motivation to go as it will get me out of the house and keep me from spiralling into self-pity.  I'm really good at self-pity.

Top-notch!

MoodyMe on 07/21/2009:
Sigh~sorry about the split but it sounds like you know it's for the best...not that it makes it any easier right now..but know that things DO get easier...This feeling won't last forever...Surround yourself with positive people who want the best for you...Hugs..hang in there


h82bfat on 07/22/2009:
Don't focuss on the "what if's" - focuss on what will be. You will be healthier, which leads to a better mind frame, a better body, a better life - and hopefully a better man. Try not to compensate with food (Girl - I know its hard) but try to compensate with a walk or some floor exercises and think about where those steps and moves will be taking you. The future is yours - it belongs to you - go and GET IT! Walk with confidence and your head held high. YOU have the power to make the saying LIFE IS GOOD your reality.



legcramps - Monday Jul 20, 2009

Weight: 0.0

Well, the depo shot really did a number.  You don't quite know how strong that stuff actually is until it's already deeply imbed in your body.  My flow cut in half and besides cramping, the rest of my period went over quite well, physically speaking.  Crazy scary stuff.

I did a lot more cleaning and packing this weekend, which I believe made bf go a little crazy himself.  I think he's decided he is not going to take responsibility for anything that has happened to us in the last few years, which I would say is very immature - but I guess I've been blind.  I checked up on separating in Canada if you're common law partners, and basically you split things up to whomever purchased what.  For example, since the house is in bf's name, I would need to find another place to live.  This may be difficult for me as I have quite a debtload at the moment but I think I will make an appointment with the bank and see if there is anything I can do.  I really don't want to rent.  I'd rather buy a house and pay a mortgage down and if I ever decide to move then I have something to liquidate.

I spent a lot of time with friends this weekend as well, which was a life-saver.  Thank goodness for friends!  I ate well, meaning good portions not huge portions.  At this particular time of the day, I am back on track and my mind is clear on what I need to do to better my life.  Get rid of the grey matter blocking my future!

Not much for exercise, so I need to work on that, but for right now I am going to concentrate on my eating and go from there.  I simply can't do it all right now.

MoodyMe on 07/20/2009:
Uggg, I had the Depro shot years ago and it messed me up for nearly 8 months~never again!!! In fact one of the things the docs wanted to try before performing a hysterectomy was the Depro..I said No way absolutely not!!! (I was only 33 when I had my hysterectomy and the docs were concerned) ...anyway....Good luck with it..Go easy on yourself..If you react anything like me I was a mental case for quite some time..LOL

As for the b/f situation...I wish you the best of luck..been there a few times and it's never easy, even when you know it's for the best...

Take care of YOU first and foremost..and WTG on eating so well this weekend..Glad you have a good support system of friends...



legcramps - Friday Jul 17, 2009

Weight: 0.0

I finally got my period yesterday.  I've only been waiting (aka dreading) to get it for three or four days now.  Anyways, it shut me down for the day, except for a brief walk last night, about half an hour long.  That much I had to do, just to get out of the house.

I also went to the doctor yesterday and asked him to give me depo provera again.  I am not a fan of this stuff, and it almost made me cry when I vocalized what I was there for, but I know I need to do something.  My referral to a specialist will not go through until at least this fall.  I had to do something now.  So, everyone, be prepared for some seriously wacked entries.  Don't be alarmed if they teeter on the brink of sanity.  Best to pass over my entries unless you want to be pulled down into the darkness with me.  Geez, I need to stop watching scary movies.  They really go to my head.  I watched "Knowing" and "Unborn" last night.  Hee-hee!  See, it's starting already.

Well, I am debating suggesting to bf that I find another place to live.  I really don't want to do it while i'm so sick, and while he's actually trying to change (it happens for about a week or so, then back to the same old).  There are also so many factors to consider that I keep spinning it around in my head and can come up with no real great fix.  I know I am just scared to take the plunge, but if he won't man up, then I have to.

OK eating yesterday, had some mac 'n cheese which wasn't the brightest idea, but kept it under control after that with salad and chicken, and one slice of garlic toast.  Then I had popcorn during the movie.

Rollin' on down the road!

 

halley on 07/17/2009:
I know it's hard to do, but stress is not good for you. If this realtionship is over, you need to move on. If it's not, you need to get your mind back in it.

Quit watching movies that you know will have a bad effect on you. It's just like eating junk food - feels good at the time, but you pay for it later. Why fill you head or body with junk that will just bring you down???

HAve a great weekend.


hollybelle on 07/17/2009:
I see you are in Canada and that healthcare is an issue for you. I am in the health insurance industry right now. The US is certainly going through some interesting times right now over our healthcare reform bill. What I am afraid of is waits of many months for treatment like you are talking about here. My daughter uses something called Nuva-ring a birthcontrol sponge that helps her periods. Also I had a procedure called uterine albation a couple of months ago that have helped me trememndously. You can't have that if you still want children, though. Hope you feel better - counteract the bad stuff by doing good things for your body!



legcramps - Wednesday Jul 15, 2009

Weight: 0.0

The weather was not well enough to go for a walk yesterday.  It was rainy and windy and all around miserable.  JULY, Mother Nature!  JULY!!!  Today we are supposed to be playing slo-pitch, but I don't know.  It's cold, people.  Cold.  11 degrees celsius.  JULY!!!

Instead, I went out and bought myself some storage containers then went to a friends for a bit to avoid being at home.  Once home, I packed some more clothes into a garbage bag to take to the thrift store on Thursday.  I'm going to use the storage containers for seasonal items, which are scattered throughout the house and are in need of analyzing for worthiness. 

A friend of mine suggested maybe bf's waiting for me to break it off and is refusing to man up and do it himself.  I think I just need to take the plunge and get this crapiness over with.  It's time for change!!

I ate well last night - salmon, rice, corn and lettuce (sans dressing again - it's garden lettuce and is very tasty all on its own), then frozen yogurt with strawberries.  Two cups of coffee that I didn't need, but hey, that's better than some days!

Chugging away!

MoodyMe on 07/15/2009:
Sounds like you had a busy and productive day!!

Good luck with the b/f thing...been there done that..

Wishing you a great night!


halley on 07/16/2009:
Sounds like you are really done with him. Get it over with - you'll be more motived to stay on track.


thinnside40 on 07/16/2009:
Best wishes to you in deciding your future...It has been something you've talked about for a while in wanting to move on without b/f..... Take Care of YOU!!!!!



legcramps - Tuesday Jul 14, 2009

Weight: 0.0

Gosh, i'm tired today.  I'm lumbering around at work like i've just been scraped off the pavement after a really bad accident.  I still have not gotten my period and it's really buggering me up 'cause I sort of was trying to prepare for it and waiting for something like that is not really all that much fun.

I went for a walk last night, it was almost exactly one hour but I still want to check to see how far I went.  It felt good, but my calves were hurting a little bit through it all.  I am going to try it again today (so long as the weather cooperates).  That, plus I think I figured out how to transfer podcasts onto my mp3 player, so i'm actually in a pretty good mood thinking about what I can listen to later!

My eating yesterday was good, albeit a little on the high side of the calorie range, but still good.  I stuck to the fish and rice, added corn and lettuce (sans italian dressing) then my boyfriend's sister came over and we watched an episode of her favorite tv show.  After that we ate some frozen yogurt with strawberries.

Last night I ended up going over to a friend's place for a late night jam session.  That's why i'm so tired and cranky today.  I had three beer and a serving of chicken tandoori chips (wow. spicy.)  If not for this outing, my eating would have been stellar!!!  I left earlier than everyone else and when I woke up this morning my boyfriend had not gotten home yet.  That burns my butt.  Act responsibly!  I'm just so on the outs with him already I don't even know what to do.  I'm trying to get rid of a lot of my stuff *just in case* I decide i've had enough.  It's the only thing I can do right now while trying to keep a sane mind about everything.  He just doesn't get it.  I think I am the wrong person for him and vice versa.  That's the only conclusion I can come to.  I continue to try and put the effort into this relationship, but at some point I have to stop myself and ask myself WHY.  What am I getting out of it besides stress and heartache???

Anyhoo.

Breakfast - Fibre 1 cereal with 2% milk; mocha.

Lunch - salmon and rice.

Motor on, friends!

halley on 07/14/2009:
Wow - sounds like a stressful environment. I wish you well.



legcramps - Monday Jul 13, 2009

Weight: 0.0

I need to get on this running stuff.  I've been doing nothing for the past few weeks because of this and that and everything else and I need to stop the pity-party and get moving again!  I've worked out a bit of a schedule and so long as I am able to follow it through, I should have no problems doing the 5k in around 33 minutes, which I think will be pretty good.

Today's task:  walk 1 hour.

Gotta stop feeding the stomach so much, too.  Attended a bridal shower/stagette this weekend and all we did was eat!!!  It literally made me sick the next day.  I am going to load up on rice, salmon, chicken and veggies this week.

This psychotic bouncing back and forth between trying and not trying has GOT to stop.  I need to change everything.

I cleaned out some items in the house that were taking up space... a few more loads and I will be free of the clutter in my life and can begin to free the clutter in my head.  My period is coming up any day now, but I will struggle through as well as I can, and then will make the life-decisions that I need to make in order to move on from this ailment for good (or at least for now).  I can't allow this to run my life any longer.

Breakfast was Fibre 1 cereal with 2% milk.

Lunch will be rice with salmon and salad with italian dressing.

Happy motoring to all!

Halley on 07/13/2009:
Walking for an hour is a great plan. I know it can be overwelming because we want results now! But hang in there, small steps are the right way to go!


evaopala on 07/13/2009:
Good on you, keep it up. You'll thank yourself later. =]



legcramps - Wednesday Jul 08, 2009

Weight: 0.0

I thought I was doing well, but I weighed myself this morning and.... well... i've gained another 6 pounds in the last month.  I feel pretty crappy about it.  Really crappy, in fact.

Actually, I feel pretty crappy just in general.  All the busy-ness of the past two weeks have caught up to me and i'm not only tired but i've picked up some type of stomach virus as well.  And then I went and topped it all off by weighing myself.  Hellooooo, what did you think you'd see on the scale?!

My period is coming in just a few days, so i'm sure i'll be feeling crappy for a good week.  That sucks.  There are too many things I want to do, and too many things that i'm missing out on.  I'm so tired.  What will give me some energy?

CritterMom on 07/09/2009:
Take a hard look at what you are putting in your mouth. "You are what you eat"...choose a different way. I know you can do it. Just make yourself a priority again.


nenak on 07/12/2009:
hope you feel better soon!



legcramps - Wednesday Jun 10, 2009

Weight: 0.0

I've been a little lazy recently, but far better than normal.

On Saturday I got up early and went running with a friend.  I felt good, even though I still have a silly cough and sinus congestion.  I could've gone longer, but i'm glad we kept it under control - if I would have had my way I wouldn't have been able to walk properly for three days afterwards.

Then I did nothing.  Until this morning.  This morning I went running again.  And I felt even better this time.  I don't know what the secret is, but I pray that it continues.  Maybe it's all the peas i'm eating... :)

For the last few days i've been tormented with the bitter result of procrastination.  But it's not really about that, it has more to do with time constraints and priorities.  I can prioritize at work A-OK, but at home i'm a constant basket-case, trying to do everything and getting absolutely nothing done.  Moral of the story?  Out come the TO-DO lists again. :P

Check home, dog park and slo pitch e-mail accounts for new correspondence (DONE 2/3)

Fill out Association papers for dog park (although i'm sure they gave me the wrong forms)

Find out about city council meetings (DONE)

Fill out running registrations for me, Dad, BF, his sister and his cousin (DONE 3/5)

Make bank appointment re dog park (DONE)

Make doctor's appointment

Complete information required for class seminar on the 17th!!!  (so important and yet NOT AT ALL done yet)

June exercise to date:  3.5 hours

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/12/2009:
mmmm, peas are definitely healthy. and add in running and all is good! :)

looks like you've been getting stuff done....keep up the great work.


CritterMom on 06/15/2009:
What's up with the dog park? Seems like lots of "to-do's" with that. I must have missed something (been away a while).

TO-DO lists save me, too. Otherwise, my day goes something like it did yesterday....

I needed to find the battery charger for my camera, which we took with us when we went to FL last week. Started to look in the suitcases, and got sidetracked into emptying the suitcases and hanging up the clothes in the closet. Realized the closets were a mess and started organizing them. Hubby called me to come down to help him bleed the brakes on a car he was working on, so I did that...then meandered out into the yard for fresh air and started weeding the gardens. Hubby asked if I ever found the camera.......and I realized I never found the battery charger to charge the battery so that he could use the camera. Argh. I think old age is catching up with me.



legcramps - Friday Jun 05, 2009

Weight: 0.0

Went running this morning by myself, as my friend slept in and didn't get my text message.  It was a cold one today, we had freezing temperatures overnight and so pretty well the whole workout was spent with my hood over my toque and my hands holding my sweater over my neck to stay warm.  I have a slight cold - sore throat and ringing in the ears - so it was a bit of a struggle towards the end of the workout to stay focused and not give up.  I think I did well overall though.

Tonight BF has another fastball game so I will be driving out to support him.  Tomorrow a massage appointment (YAY!) and Sunday another 5k walk in the city with my Dad.  Also need to prepare for a meeting on Monday night, and work on some classes that I seriously need to finish.

June exercise - 2.5 hours

40andfabulous on 06/05/2009:
Thank you for your sweet comment. Thought I would share a race story with you. We live near Jacksonville Florida and one of the 'big' races that happens here is the Gate River Run in March. Well, a good friend of mine asked me to go volunteer with her to hand out race packets the Thursday before the race. Sounded like fun and boy was it! The energy was so intense! Me being me I got so swept up into it! I sent my hubby a text and said I was entering us in the 5k that goes along with the BIG race. My poor hubby mean while, was home early from work because he had strained his muscles working out the day before! So Thursday I pay and sign us up and pick up our race packets and Saturday morning at 6am we're leaving our house before dawn to get down to Jax and do this race! My hubby thought I was nuts (and told me several times, in a loving joking way mind you- he is so supportive of anything I do!)but by the end of it, we were both thinking and saying- you know- we can be ready to do the actual Gate River run (a 15k) by next year! The main race ends the last 2-3 miles going over one of the BIG bridges in Jax- my calves hurt just looking at it! Still we watched people finishing it for a long time- the energy is just so unreal and it's so exciting. As for our 5k- we hadn't run in months but we still did it and enjoyed it, though I learned the only port-o-pottys were at the start finish line and it bites having to pee for the better part of 3.2 miles! LOL!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/07/2009:
wow, all kinds of exciting things you have planned! wow, what a great entry. you sound good here.



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