- Friday Oct 21, 2011
I haven't posted in months because I was busy getting settled into my new residence, was working six-days a week, and had a lot of emotional turmoil in my life. Now that things are finally calming down, I'm hoping to be able to pay more attention to my goal of getting down to 170.
I hadn't weighed for quite some time nor monitored my diet; if anything, I've been doing some emotional eating. My job is sedatary and I admit I've not been exercising at all. Given these facts, I thought for sure that I'd gained weight. However, when I stepped on the scales this morning I was shocked to see that I had somehow managed to lose a few pounds & I wasn't as far from my goal as I had suspected.
This motivated me! I only have 22 lbs to lose. My current weight is 192 lbs. My first mini-goal is to lose 7 lbs by the second week of November. I also want to get back to the gym! That really helped last time.
I've given up on dieting..changing my eating habits, exercising, & portion control are the only things that have ever produced results for me. I'd lose about half the weight that I wanted and then gradually let down my guard.
My husband (who was also my employer) died in April. I had to get another job, my current employer requires that I wear dress clothes to work. I spent a LOT of money on shoes & clothes so that I would look professional at work. Now, each time I think of losing weight, my warped mind tells me, "But look at all the money you've spent on clothes and shoes! If you lose weight, you wont be able to wear them anymore & that money will have been wasted!"
The truth is, my husband left me with a decent monthly pension. That, along with the wages I earn, would allow me to replace my wardrobe--though it would take a couple of months of saving up to achieve this.
I think I'm secretly afraid that I'll fail and am attempting to use my wardrobe as justification to give up and not try. I'm going to try to stay focused however, and genuinely give it some serious effort.
Progress as of today: 12 lbs lost so far, only 26 lbs to go!
- Friday Aug 19, 2011
Ok, I've finally taken the initiative to rid my home of all the unhealthy foods. I've been using the excuse, "It's hard to cook for one" to justify unhealthy eating habits but I'm trying to reconstruct my thinking. I bought a couple of small crockpots from Walmart-- a large pot roast, a turkey roast, lean ground beef, lean pork chops, boneless/skinless chicken breasts, fresh fruits & veggies, yogurts, egg beaters, low-calorie breads, etc'... I cut the large pieces of meat up into three portions and froze them. Tonight I put a small roast in one of the crockpot with veggies; I plan to take some of it to work tomorrow for lunch.
Today I had:
BREAKFAST.....low-fat yogurt (100 calories), 1/2 cup sliced banana (69 calories), 1 Bagel thin toasted (110 calories) with 1 Tbsp of I Can't Believe it's Not Butter (5 calories). Total calories =284
SNACK: Beef Jerkey (80 calories)
LUNCH: Ham & Swiss melt (2 slices low-cal bread 70 calories, 3 slices of ham 60 calories, 1 slice fat-free swiss); 1 oz low-fat BBQ chips (130 calories). Total calories = 290
DINNER: 1 chicken breast baked with seasonings (200 calories), stir-fried veggies (100 calories), baked potato (115) with I Can't Believe it's Not Butter (5 calories). Total calories = 415
SNACK: 2 slices of toast (70 calories) with 2 Tbsp low-fat strawberry Cream Cheese (70 calories). Total calories = 140
TOTAL CALORIES FOR TODAY = 1209
- Wednesday Aug 17, 2011
I haven't made an entry since June because I'd experienced a deep depression shortly after my husband died (in April). Since I worked for him, I also lost my job when he passed away. I accepted a position as a manager at Arby's shortly after his death in an effort to generate income and get health insurance. But standing on my feet for that many hours was difficult so I kept putting resumes out. Thank God, I obtained a job as a secretary at a car dealership. I've been working there a couple of months and like it; but I work a lot of hours (48 hours/6 days a week). Perhaps working that many hours, for now, is a good thing. It leaves little time to sit home and grieve.
Things were financially rough for a while. However, I learned my husband had left me enough life insurance to purchase a home. I bought a house and moved in July. He also left a monthly pension (his retirement), which began this month. I've got most of my belongings unpacked and organized in the new home and finally feel as if I'm getting some degree of "normal" back into my life. Throughout all this, my eating habits were on the verge of being out of control;. I was eating whatever I could get my hands on, even when I wasn't the least bit hungry. I think a lot of it was emotional eating...
I've been taking antidepressants, which are helping a lot. I still miss my husband and am sad about his death but this past week I've noticed that I'm not devestated--but seemed to have reached a point of somber acceptance about the situation.
Today, for the first time in a while, I paid close attention to what I ate. Hopefully I can get back on track...
BREAKFAST: Slimfast (190 calories)
LUNCH: Salad w/fat-free Italian & Fruit (400 calories)
SNACK: Sugar-free hard candy (115 calories)
DINNER: Smart Choice Pizza (410 calories)
SNACK: Popcorn (100 calories) & 3 cookies (190 calories)
TOTAL CALORIES = 1405
MAXIMUM CALORIES ALLOWED = 1800
Good to be back...hope I can do it this time.
- Thursday Jun 30, 2011
Thanks everyone for your support, prayers, and warm wishes. It's been two-months, today, since my husband died. As I stated in my previous post, my husband was also my employer so my income ceased, immediately, upon his death. Obviously the bills didn't stop coming after he died so I had to begin job searching right away. It took six-weeks but I found a decent job.
This ended up being a blessing not only because it generates income that allows me to pay my bills, but it also FORCES me to get up, shower, get dressed, and leave the house each day; my current schedule doesn't afford me the opportunity to isolate and lose myself in grief.
I've boxed up all his things and put them away...I'll go through them someday but for now, they're painful triggers. I talked to his doctor who told me that the ONLY thing that could have saved my husband's life was a drastic surgery that would have left him in chronic pain, diminished his quality of life, and even this would had merely delayed the inevitable (death).
Though I miss him terribly, I wouldn't wish him back--knowing what he'd have to endure--for anything. In some strange way, the information his doctor shared with me makes all this easier to deal with. There's a degree of comfort in knowing he is no longer suffering and passed quickly--with little (if any) pain.
I have a way of eating my way through tough emotional turmoil and usually come out on the other side 20 to 40 lbs heavier. I'm trying to NOT do that this time...I'm close to 200 lbs already. Anytime my weight exceeds 200 lbs, my feet and legs hurt terribly and I have difficulty walking. I need this job desperately, so I have to get a grip on this right away.
The people where I work send someone out to buy lunch each day (pizza, burgers, fries, subs, etc) so I began packing my lunch and snacks and taking them with me. Yesterday's menu:
Breakfast: yogurt & banana
Snack: vanilla wafers
Lunch: lean ham & low-fat swiss on a bagel thin & low fat chips
Dinner: Fish sandwich
Snack: low fat chips
Sorry I don't have time to respond to each of your replies individually. I have been working a lot of hours and am trying to pack before going to work each day. I'm moving in two weeks and I am sooooo not ready! But, I'm off tomorrow and hope to get a lot of things boxed up!
Have a great day everyone!
Again, thanks for your support!
- Sunday Jun 26, 2011
- Tuesday Mar 08, 2011
I am so excited....I just discovered that I can still wear the same earrings I wore in high school!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hehehe).
Studying for finals but have been careful to prepare healthy meals at home instead of doing what I did before (grabbing something quick & unhealthy). Haven't been to gym for a few days; a couple of friends and I are going to gym together this evening.
- Saturday Mar 05, 2011
Hello Beautiful Peeps!
I took the time to weigh this morning & discovered that I'd lost 3 more pounds! I am soooooo happy!
I have been a member of DD for many years, though I haven't consistently made entries. I looked today, at the first entry I made on Jan 1, 2001...It was new years day and I had was feeling depressed because I had lost over 25 lbs and didn't see or feel a difference and still, I weighed 339 lbs.
Back then, I had to lose 50 pounds before I seen the slightest difference. So I guess I assumed one would have to lose or gain significant amounts of weight before it would make a difference one way or the other. Boy was I wrong! Even five or ten pounds makes a WORLD of difference now!
So far, through the years, I have lost 180 lbs...I gained 40 back. Of that 40, I have lost all but 22 of it. Losing the weight I gained back has been just as challenging as losing the 180. But I sooooo want to be back into medium sizes by summer! I keep praying for the willingness, consistency, and discipline to do this. I've battled my weight all my life and to get this far and throw in the towel over this latest gain, is unacceptable to me!
Later Saturday night:....ate sensible meals today; calorie count low. I want to stay home and relax but am, instead, going to gym!!
- Wednesday Mar 02, 2011
I was really hungry for breakfast this morning :) I had a sweet tooth but didn't want to consume a lot of calories & fat so I topped some french toast with strawberries, strawberry glaze & whipped topping; it was delicious, filled me up and was only 328 calories! It's becoming a fun challenge to find delicious things to eat that are not too high in calories.
I made a low calorie and delicious snack the other night that was yummy and only 56 calories each! Here's the recipe: set 9 paper muffin liners on a small cookie sheet. Place 1 low-fat vanilla wafer in the bottom of each & set aside. In a mixing bowl, combine 1 container of banana --or flavor of your choice--yogurt (mine has 80 calories) with 1 cup of fat-free whipped topping. Glop one Tbsp. of yogurt mixture atop each vanilla wafer; then place another wafer on top of each. Freeze for several hours and enjoy!
breakfast: 4 pieces of french toast, topped with strawberries, sugar-free strawberry glaze, & fat-free whipped topping (yum)!!
4 slices of bread (140 cals), 1/2 c. egg beaters (60 cals), 1/4 c. skim milk (25 cals), 1 c. sliced strawberries (53 cals), 3 Tbsp. sugar-free strawberry glaze (10 cals), 4 Tbsp. fat-free whipped topping (40 cals). Total calories for this meal = 328
- Tuesday Mar 01, 2011
Went to gym last night with my daughter & worked off about 300 calories in the cadio room and then went into the weight room. I want to tone up my legs, hips & tummy before summer.
I was so NOT in the mood to eat breakfast this morning...I was walking out the door to leave but stopped myself, came back inside, and ate a small meal. Most of the time when I skip breakfast, I end up famished later and overeat by the evening...I'm finding my eating breakfast (whether hungry or not) keeps me from pigging later during the day.
breakfast: 1 bagel thin (110 cals), 1/2 Tbsp. Country Crock spread (30 cals), 1 sugar free parfait (25 cals). Total = 165 cals
lunch: 2 slices of low calorie bread (70 calories), 2 slices of 98% fat free bologna (50 cals), slice of tomato & leaf of lettuce (free), 1/2 serving of fat-free Ruffles (40 calories), 1 Tbsp Kroger fat-free French Onion dip (10 cals), 1 medium green apple, sliced (80 cals) w/1 Tbsp fat-free caramel fruit dip (55 cals). Total = 305 cals
- Sunday Feb 27, 2011
Got on the scales this morning and discovered that I'd lost 3 lbs during the past 9 days. The exercise & calorie watching are paying off. I really want to get back into medium-sized clothes rather than the extra-large and 1x's that I'm currently wearing, by the spring. Once in a while I come across an article of clothing that I wore a couple of years ago and it looks SO small! Three pounds down, 25 pounds to go.