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sarsbars - Saturday Jan 21, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

Today has been great. Not only is there finally some sunshine outside. (57degrees) but its just been a good day so far. Yesterday I wrote down a bunch of things for me to do on a schedule. I didnt exactly follow it to a T but I did do the majority of whats on there so far. I was suppose to wake up at 7.. but I woke up at 9:15.. I cleaned up the bathroom.. organized my makeup and things, started all the laundry ( still working to finish) , I did some pregnancy yoga . Only 10 mins of it but it made me feel great. I took my vitamins, made some lunch, and then took a nice long shower. Now I just have to finish folding the laundry, Blowdry my hair, make a few phone calls, pay some bills, and maybe read a book. I have my himalyun lamp going right now. I am not sure what I am going to have for dinner tonight. THe bf and I plan on going to ATT later and then DSW for me. I would like to get some comfortable shoes. Its hard putting on the boots everyday. Ya know.. for a hairstylist... I know its important to look good , especially for clients.. but I just dont understand these pregnant women who can get so dolled up and wear the cute boots and shoes and curl their hair and do their makeup to the nines. I struggle washing my hair lol. Even puttin on mascara takes a lot of energy, but I try.

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/22/2017:
Well done ticking things off your to do list. Glad you have a good day.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/23/2017:
keep trying girl, never give up on yourself with trying to look presentable. However i will tell you - I do not wear makeup to work (way different job than you and basically working in a cubicle and not having outside visitors at all...so it's very different from your job where you need to look extra presentable for your clients)...anyways, i don't spend the time dolling up because i don't rank it as important as say spending time on fitness....or other things.

but the point i'm trying to make is so not what i wrote above! :) keep trying. keep being happy. sounds like you have a lot to do today, nice. 10 min of yoga is great! it may only be 10 min, but you did it! that's the important part.

i've heard of those lamps...maybe i'll get one? do they work?


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sarsbars - Friday Jan 20, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

OK so, for the past few days I have been completely fatigued.. Today was the worst.. I didnt get out of bed until 11 am.. which is ridiculous. MY body feels so slow and lazy.. I mean, in general, I can be lazy sometimes, but today I felt really off. I realize I havent taken my prenatal vitamin for two days! The baby is sucking all the energy from me. So I took my vitamin. I also took an iron pill. I remember on my last visit, my dr had told me if I didnt take my vitamins, I could become anemic, and he suggested an iron pill. I didnt take the iron pills because I already had problems being constipated and iron pills will do that too. However, I rather have energy at this point. I already feel better after taking that pill. So today , since I woke up late.. I didnt really have breakfast.. I skipped right to lunch. 

I made Newmans Mahgerita pizza with whole wheat crust with flax seed. I had 3 peices . Followed by a swiss miss pudding

Dinner was a lot cleaner.  teriyaki pinapple chicken meatballs, steamed broccoli  and  teriyaki lipton rice. 1/2 cup. 

 and a yogurt parfait with strawberries and granola- from jewel . it was delicious!

So overall. Im good with today. SO after talking to bf.. He agrees that right now, looking for a new job would be silly. I am 6 months pregnant and have 3 more to go and am just going to get more uncomfortable, so why bother finding a new job right now. I am going to stick to the partime office job i have, and still do hair on the side like i have been. Since I will be having 4 days off. I really want to set up a schedule for myself so I dont feel useless and just sitting around the house. I even think I might start doing some pregnancy work outs  like yoga.  i think just by doing that I wont be as stressed and feel more positive. All I can do is make the best out of what i have today. 

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/20/2017:
You're allowed to be tired when you're pregnant. I found that I could never take iron pills either - got seriously blocked up. But I guess it's a trade when you are pregnant.


Donkey on 01/21/2017:
Sounds like you're in a good spot right now!


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sarsbars - Thursday Jan 19, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

 So Tuesday night I got in a huge fight with the bf... It was my faulit.. I am hormonal and mean.. So I cant even recall what I ate Tuesday , however Wednesday didnt go so well. I have been craving sweets. It is easy to use pregnancy as an excuse to give myself permission to eat , but really it shouldnt be . I was just feeling ansy and stressed. Everything was going ok until I went to the grocery store. I was getting a few items for my bf. In attempt to apologize, I was going to make him a nice dinner, I got him a new phone because his broke, and I wrote him a note. Before I knew if he would accept my apology.. THis is how my day went...  wait.. i just remembered what i ate Tuesday, lol

Tuesday: breakfast: left over goulash...

lunch: chicken/veggie eating well entre... a few pieces of candy...

dinner: attempted to make pad thai noodles.. it was horendous disaster... lol so i had a chicken wrap instead... 

Wednesday:

Breakfast: Bare Naked cereal

snack 1/2 bagel with cream cheese

lunch: broccoli and whole wheat mac cheese ( very small serving) and bbq chicken wrap)

I did bad and had a peice of german chocolate cakes.. with a big glass fo milk.. i didnt finish it all the way.. but I was craving sweets all day

Dinner: small portion of turkey taco meat, spanish rice and guac and chips sprinkled on top. 

I was stuffed but still had a chocolate pudding too...  

 

 

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2017:
hormones suck. mine screwed me over also.


jayhawkjen on 01/19/2017:
I hope things get better for you. Your diet could be a lot worse, don't beat yourself up!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2017:
yes remember not to beat yourself up, be kind to yourself especially now with a little one growing.


puddles on 01/19/2017:
Be kind to yourself in the end everything works out for the best. One day at a time.


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sarsbars - Tuesday Jan 17, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

 So yesterday I got called in to the office and they told me that they are very slow as a company and are cutting hours. So I will be going from 3 days a week to 2. This sort of stressed me out. I mean I am 6 months pregnant.. and not sure if this is a great time to find a new job. No one is going to want to hire a pregnant lady , knowing she will be going on maternity leave shortly after she gets hired. However,  I am stressing about money. My bf already works 6 days a week 12 hour days and I dont want to stress him out even more. So by impulse, I did something that may have been a little stupid.... I texted my old boss who fired me..  We did work together 10 years, and we did have a friendship at one point.. I still am in contact with alot of people that work for the company, including a close friend that encouraged me to reach out to him and talk... So I sent him a message.. and didnt hear anything back yet.. The worse that can happen is he doesnt respond or hire me back.. Im not sure if thats what I really wanted to do.. However, I made good money there and I wouldnt have to worry financially , if I did go back. When I went home I was a little worried to tell the bf, but he as usual was very supportive and didnt seem to phased. He said no matter what, we will figure it out.. Needless to say, that help my anxiety, but I still felt stressed and ate a little too much yesterday... Im dissapointed in that, because I felt like I had been doing good with listening to my body, but yesterday was def a wash 

For breakfast: i had half of a bagel.. attempt to have an almond milk blueberry banana smoothie.. took one sip and all i had was acid reflux from that point on for hours... must be a pregnancy thing

lunch: I broght an eating well entre... but me and a friend were talking about delicous food for hours and i got a craving for beef and veggies from chinese place , so i got it with white rice... wouldnt of been too bad except for the msg that made me tired and the heavy oil. 

after that i wasnt really hungry, i told the bf i was goin to make lean burgers with whole wheat bun, avocado and onions for dinner with a side of corn on the cob.. but when i went to the grocery store , I ended up getting myself a snickers bar... i was craving candy.. and actually had a few bite size pieces at work as well. i had the intention of not having dinner.. but when i made the food at home it looked good and i ended up having a hamburger... or two.. one with a bun, one without.. so yes, i felt stuffed .

this morning i felt stuffed too, but i knew if i didnt have breakfast i would be dying by 10 am. So since I woke up late, cus I always do these days, I grabbed some left over goulash i measured out and scarfed it down... not your typical breakfast food, but im not big on breakfast food... for lunch today.. which is in a few mins here, i guess im going to eat my eating well entree.. doesnt sound too appetizing. 

On another note,, I was able to find us a new counselor, and scheduled to see him next Thursday. I cancelled with the one we had been seeing and he was nice about it. I really really hope this new one is worth all this trouble. Im getting tired of repeating our probs to everyone.. 

I have a few places Im going to apply tomorrow since Im off. Hopefully I will have some luck. Im gettin anxious and wanting to meet this baby. I think Im starting to feel a little connection. I also cant wait to start working out again after he is here!

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/17/2017:
I am sorry to hear about your company...seems everything is slow around me also, of which i'm happy about really, but i have a very different situation from most...

I hope it all works out a bit better for you soon, keep your head up...


Donkey on 01/17/2017:
Wishing you lots of luck -- good for you for at least putting yourself out there. Keep moving forward!


grannyannie on 01/18/2017:
Sorry about your job. How very stressful at just the wrong time.

It's so exciting having a new baby! My babies are in their 40's but you never forget being pregnant and having a new baby.


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sarsbars - Sunday Jan 15, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

 Finally! A good day! I was not looking foward to the weekend. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed all day and not move. Part of the reason, because I dont have much energy, and the bfs daughter was coming over so I always feel like I have to be resposible for the plans and entertainment while he is working for the few hours on Saturday, and I just wasnt in the mood. I have been a little distant from the bf the past few days, so when he came home, I kind of did my own thing. Well he must of noticed because today he was a little needy and more attentive than usual. I have been making plans on Sundays, because thats his football day, and in the beginning of the season we would get into some tifs because I wasnt into it and he felt like he couldnt enjoy it because I would complain that he watched it all day. So I started making plans again on Sundays. Well this morning we ran out with his daughter to run a few errands and I mentioned to him that I made plans with my friend later. Suprisingly he looked a little dissapointed and asked if I would be going with him for the drive to drop his daughter off home, to which I said , probably not. He said he was just sad because we havent really spent much time together all week and today was the only day we really would have any time together. He is usually never like this, so i felt a bit guilty, since i know I have been distant. So I called my friend and moved our time up by an hour so I could atleast go on the long drive with him for the drop off. Well it was good that I went with him because he was more suseptible to talking and opening up. Its what I needed from him and I felt much better talking about things. Its funny how men can be more open and honest when you are distant and how they clam up when you are up their butt all the time. lol 

Breakfast: 1/2 bagel /protien plus smoothie

snack/lunch: 1/2 bag of chips.. ya ya ya i know i know .. anyways lol

dinner:  a big roll of imitation craby sushi roll 

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/16/2017:
Maybe along with a drive, you both can do an activity together - then it would be worth driving together. maybe tell him you want to spend time with him but not just on the drive in the car? i don't know...i don't want to cause a fight!

sarsbars on 01/16/2017:
Well we spend plenty of time together , just that week he worked a lot


grannyannie on 01/16/2017:
Glad you had a good day!


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sarsbars - Saturday Jan 14, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

 I have had a rough week needless to say . I have been very emotional, and going through some relationship issues. The first post I posted was about how grateful I am for my bf. Which I am , however, that doesnt mean everyone doesnt go through their issues. SInce Ive been pregnant, we have hit some rough patches. Which led us to go to counseling. I want to make sure we have everything sorted out before the baby gets here . I have been discouraged though, because the first therapist was very expensive and was more of a mediator.. which we dont need. It didnt feel like we were getting anywhere ,and she seemed like she didnt really care. This second one has so many pauses and awkward moments after we share something, I feel incredibly uncomfortable talking to him. Supposedly he has 20 years experience, but I dont see how. He seems so unconfident with himself, and one of the issues we brought up to him, he flat out said, he doesnt think he can help because he doesnt have experience with it... He is suppose to be a couples counselor.. I dont get it.. SO now I am on the search for a third one. My bf seems to be a little annoyed and doesnt want to keep repeating our story, which I understand. I didnt realize it would be this difficult to find someone who can help us. However, there are issues we can not seem to figure out ourselves so seeking help seems like the only option right now. I just feel a little hopeless because of it. I dont want to keep wasting money and time on this. I also realize that when things get tough, I tend to want to run away and question everything. This is my first REAL relationship. I am the most vulnerable with this one. I dont want to make mistakes like I did in the past , so when things go wrong I want to run away because I dont want to get hurt. However, I know that when times get tough, you have to get through them and not abandon your partner. So its like all these things are coming down on me. I question myself , him, how I will be as a mother, and its overwhelming. I never thought being in a relationship would take work. I thought it was easy and carefree. LOL . No. I know he is trying to better himself but I cant help but feel a little jealous. Recently he has been working out a lot. I admire how dedicated he is with it. I wish I could work out like that. But of course I cant. I am so low energy. Its so cold here in IL . NOt like i can take a walk outside. I cant really diet. All I can do is make better choices of food while Im pregnant. I only have 4 months to go. I am praying that I dont get some bullcrap like postpartum. I can take anymore emotional rollercoaster crap. 

 

For breakfast today, I made 2 kodiak cakes with peanut butter and lite syrup, however, after 3-4 bites, I felt nauseated, so I couldnt finish it. I threw it out

Then for lunh I made myself a kale and imitatin crab salad.... which also made me gag... so i threw that out as well after 2 bites. Finally, I Just ate some of the left over chicken maidera I made last night. with a little bit of the baked potato.

I am looking forward to dinner. I am making goulash. I plan on using some organic ingredients and lean ground beef. I love pasta , and wont be giving that up. I think its ok to have anything you want in moderation.  some texas toast and a salad on the side.

I have also been trying to STOP eating as soon as I feel full. Sometimes Im not ready to put the fork down, but I am trying my best to because my body is telling me its satisfied.

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

Donkey on 01/14/2017:
Are you around Chicagoland? We're supposed to have a nice warm-up this week. Perhaps a short walk outdoors would be nice.

I'm not sure what the issue is in counseling, but you did the right thing to move on. Some folks feel that they are obligated to their therapist, but if it's not a good fit or s/he can't help, time to move on. Very smart to do that early on before becoming too invested into the process and then realizing, "Hey, you're not helping us!"


grannyannie on 01/15/2017:
Sorry you can't find the right counselor. Don't give up finding the right one.


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sarsbars - Friday Jan 13, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

Breakfast : half a bagel with cream cheese , cliff bar Snack : a bag of sour cream and onion chips and vitamin water Lunch 1/4 cup brown rice and stuffed salmon Snack : protein plus shake Dinner: 1/2 peice of chicken Marsala sauce with mushrooms , a few asparagus, half baked potato , a few sips of chocolate milk , and a crab stick

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/13/2017:
Except for the chips, a very healthy day. Well done!

sarsbars on 01/14/2017:
I know , it was my guilty pleasure lol


Donkey on 01/14/2017:
^ Agreed :-)


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sarsbars - Thursday Jan 12, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

I had such an annoying day. Only good thing that came out of it is I got a good haircut .

Breakfast : 1/2 bagel with cream cheese , one egg , slice of sausage Snack : cliff bar Lunch / dinner : 1/2 rice ball . Large slice of sausage pizza . Mini Reese's chocolate

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/12/2017:
A good haircut is a very good thing!


Horn_of_plenty on 01/13/2017:
I need a hair trim SO BADLY...i've been putting it off for like forever!

Sorry your day was annoying...at least the positive is your haircut...



sarsbars - Wednesday Jan 11, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

Well I feel much better todoay. Not 100% but I had a lot of time to think. I talked to my counselor, best friend , and even did a little reading. I was able to identify why Ive been and what exactly I have been feeling. This way I also was able to take some of the burden off the bf. He isnt responsible for my happiness, and I realized I need to be a little more loving towards myself. One of things I think Im going to work on is trying to live in the present. TOday was not bad. Lets see how tomorrow goes.

Breakfast: bear naked cereal with low fat milk

snack Cliff Bar

Lunch: 1/2 bagel

Dinner: 1 and a half servings of stir fry. I  basically added carrots, bok choy, water chesnuts, onion, peppers, and mushrooms tossed with chicken and rice with some stirfry sauce. 

 

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/12/2017:
So glad you are feeling better. Hang in there!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/12/2017:
I am glad our comments helped you a little bit i'd think?

Living in the present helps. I have also had to learn how to do this...I used to regret the past, now i do not, and used to worry MUCH, much more about the future. Now, I still do - working i guess not to (and trying to realize that my goals will happen as long as i stay focused & additional worry isn't going to get the goals accomplished any easier...this is what i see for me)...and also i strive to live in the present.

I can see how to do it now (living in the present) better because i work with a lot of positive women around me and they are very much happy in the present. I try to see and watch how they do it, i've learned from them without them even knowing that they've rubbed across me in such positive ways.

when i leave my current job in June, I will thank the woman who has had the most positive effects on my life, she doens't know it - i will thank her then and tell her so. She's only turning 29 this year :-)

And i'm 34...and the way she is in life is so, so positive and thankful. Yes, she's taught me so much!

Oh and your dinner sounds quite excellent. FYI - not sure if you know - those darn water chestnuts are high calorie - so sad! - who would have guessed right? better off with even potato - i think? but hey, water chestnuts can be the carb that balances out the meal...it sounds fantastic. you did good....keep up the good work. Bok Choy is really an excellent veggie to cook up!



sarsbars - Tuesday Jan 10, 2017
(what feels right.)
Weight: 219.0

I'm feeling pretty horrible about myself. I guess I have for some time now. Today I saw a video clip of my friends wedding. I caught the bouquet , and when I saw myself on video, I was a little shocked. I looked huge . I can't use pregnancy as an excuse.. I was only a few weeks pregnant at the time.. I've only gained 10 lbs so far anyway . I was big before I got pregnant . Now I'm feeling sad, and fearful. Sad because , I'm embarrassed. I must of been in denial on how I looked. I left thinking I looked good. Whenever I leave the house done up, I feel like I see my skinny self in the mirror . I don't see a fat sarah. Unless I'm really having a bad day. The instant I see a photo , it crushes me . I know how to pose for the camera. I usually have my angles down... but this was a video. Movement . How I really look. How can anyone be attracted to me? How can my bf be attracted to me? Do I blame him for not touching me lately? Al these mean thoughts about myself come up. Did everyone see what I see? I don't like how I looked. I have no waste, fat legs, and big cheeks with a barely notocilbe neck. When I see pics of myself smaller. I think I look so attractive. I've only been small a few times in my life. I'm so scared that after I have this baby, I'll be one of those women who just can't dropped the weight. I will be too exhausted or tooo big to have energy. It worries me that I won't be the best mother . What if I get postpartum? I worry I will be depressed about how I look and not give the baby the attention he deserves . I get scared thinking about being a mom, and guilty that I'm not as happy as I should be because this is such a gift. I don't even want to face people right now because I don't want them to judge how I look. I don't even want to put makeup on sometimes because I think, why bother? One of my friends whose a great photographer has been bugging me to take professional pics and I'm embarasses to tell her , no way! I don't want to pay for your excellent work , of myself when this is the worst I've ever looked . I know what she'll say. " Your pregnant ! Your glowing ! You don't even look pregnant !" Ya I don't look pregnancy because I'm already big.. All in all, I know the root of this is , " I don't love myself" sexiness comes from within, confidence too.. blah blah.. How ? How does someone start? I read first step is to invite your feelings in and feel what you feel without judgement. Well I'm trying . Then what ? Doesn't change how I look.

Progress as of today: -8 lbs lost so far, only 59 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2017:
Hello Sars!

I want to start off by saying one thing….you must at least be able to move past looking at photos and videos of yourself and getting upset over it. Now, when I see my own self from the past, highest was just about 30lbs heavier for me, I am able to realize why I was that way. It was my decisions, my choice at the time for my lifestyle. I see it – but I can say that now, I work VERY hard not to go back to that. VERY hard. I have Learned from my past and what I learned has helped me to stay consistent now. It’s not easy. Lately, I remind myself EVERYDAY to keep on this track and not to let anyone, especially myself, change my passion & then go off course (not sticking to exercise, etc.).

Try to get into a better mindset – being upset or sad about how you looked is thinking about the past and you are preventing yourself from making changes in the present bc you are keeping your mind in the past. I have done this too, for a long time.

And now I finished reading this entry and you are talking about your worries for the future. This is where I fall into problems too…

My goal for you, if you choose to try, is to try to forget about past and future worries.

Try to stay focused in the PRESENT and do what you can now – to be the best you can be NOW.

Everything else is (the past is not changeable) sorta out of your total control. But you can make positive choices in the now – and that’s what’s important NOW.

sarsbars on 01/11/2017:
That is good advice Horn, Thank you. I do need to get into a better mindset. I def feel a lot better today. Im going to take your advice and focus on the now. Thanks again


innerpeace on 01/11/2017:
I was always told that you are the only one who notices YOU in a picture. Everyone is looking at themselves and really don't notice others. Please just eat healthy for you and your baby right now. Worry about losing weight after you deliver. Concentrate on baby things and your health. Good luck, I hope you start to feel better about yourself.

sarsbars on 01/11/2017:
This is true, I never notice others.. just hard on myself. I am taking a Horns advice and going to try to live in the present and worry about my weight later when it matters. This is my first pregnancy so everything is so new to me. Im going to try to enjoy it the best I can for now.



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