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sarsbars - Wednesday Dec 11, 2013
(what feels right.)
Weight: 179.0

well today i took my friend out for her birthday,so we went for sushi. i didnt have anything with rice, i actually had a miso soup, eel salad.. which is cucumber, avocado and eel with teriyaki sauce. and a chicken teriyaki stick . the only thing that was a problem was the sauces because im sure they were filled with sugar. I got my hair done today.. Im not sure if I like it, I definitly didnt like how the highlights were done. It was my co worker who did it. I probably am a snob about my hair, but im a hairstylist and i know exactly what i want. which is not what i got.. so i had to go home and fix it. before that i had to go to my massage appointment but had to cancel because i was so perterb about my hair. i fixed it and it looks much better. however.. i still have to get use to it.. its really light. i loved my dark hair, i felt exotic. i had it like that for 3 years. i have had it this light before but never had it light and long at the same time.. we will see how the boys react..lol i needed a change. so while i was rushing all over the place. i had my meatballs for dinner. along with gluten free brown rice pasta. i have to say i felt a little bloated after i ate it.. however.. there was not gluten in the meatballs either.... so not sure what could of caused that.. maybe i ate too much ? i was angry about my hair, im not going to lie. i was tempted to order chinese food, or get a starbucks. I didnt... i went to the gym instead..I know right?! oh, I did have like two bites left of my sweet potato pie. and a couple nibbles of cheese. at the gym i burned 350 calories and did 40 situps.. tommorow i will try to burn 400 calories and do 50 sit ups. i would like to increase a little each day.  then i picked up blue cheese olives at the store.. yummmm.. i came home and started cooking some stuff for tommorow. i made this chicken salad thats soo good.. its like a chicken blt salad.. cherry tomatos, bacon, avocado, red onion , chicken and homemade mayonaise.  i also made some meatloaf. so i got tommrow covered. i dont know why i felt blah today.. it must of been the sauces at the restaruant. i should really increase my water too  , im bad with that.

Progress as of today: 48 lbs lost so far, only 39 lbs to go!


sarsbars - Monday Dec 09, 2013
(what feels right.)
Weight: 179.0

 I went to take my neice out for her birthday yesterday. She wanted Golden corral.i stayed away from carbs and had mostly meat and veggies. Im pretty sure it had gluten in it. I didnt feel the greatest afterwards.. Bloated for sure. I had some cookies. I think Im going to try and stay away from Gluten for the next 2 weeks and see if I see a difference. I mean for the most part, nothing in my house has gluten in it anymore. However I have been on and off about eating it depending on where Im at and if I go out to eat. So I want to put it to the test and see what it does for me. I think Im going to do weekly tests on certain foods to figure out if i have any alergies to them. Next will be dairy. 

Today I had my homemade chilli, 

beef and peppers

a tablespoon of almond butter

a coffee with cream and 4 splenda packets. 

and a meat ball when i came home from the gym.

i burnt , according to the machin 300 calories on the treadmill in 30 mins. Im goin to start doing sitsup even though i hate it... did 30 today. not a bad day. 

Progress as of today: 48 lbs lost so far, only 39 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 12/10/2013:
I use to go to Golden Corral a lot. I hated the feeling of coming away from there too full. I used to say, " I'm as full as a tick on a Hound Dog. " I don't go there any more. I like the sit-up challenge you gave yourself. Great going at the gym. Good post today.

sarsbars on 12/11/2013:
thanks



sarsbars - Saturday Dec 07, 2013
(what feels right.)
Weight: 179.0

Well so far, I had a pretty good morning. I feel good, I was out of makeup and i just caved in and bought everything I need... 200$ later.. I still had enough left for a few groceries and an oil change. Turns out the person doing my oil change was a kid I went to highschool with. There were more than a few things wrong with my car and he offered to fix it for me on the side, which would be way cheaper. So that helps me out. Its Saturday, and Im off, soo I need to clean up around here. I havent really eaten anything .. I had a 10:45 appointment and wasnt hungry, then a ran a few errands. When I went to the grocery store they had a few samples out.. so I tried a piece of cheese, a bbq meatball. and a rolled up peice of ham.. oh ya and a litle sample of red velvet cake. Finally around 4, I had a gluten free vegtable quinoa soup. I brought a few ingredients today to cook steak and peppers tonight. Maybe some fried rice. I feel satisfied right now. Again, Im surpised. Last two days, no obsessing. I wont complain. I may even go to the gym later. While Im out , maybe I could even pick up some things to make the house smell and feel nice. I need to by a bookcase but I hate putting those things together.

 

Its the end of the day , and I did good eating wise. I made some steak and peppers and ate it with a little jasmine rice. I had some left over and put it away. I now have italian meatballs, chili and steak and peppers left over. That will last me the week. I want to make this chicken salad recipe I made up .. chicken, avocado, almond slices, cherry tomatos, home made mayonaise, red onion, chives, blue cheese. 

It sucks that every mayonaise bottle , even at whole foods has freakin soy bean oil in it. God... its so annoying.. why does everything have to have soybean in it., or canola oil.. both are hydrogenated oils. Even when they say "olive oil mayo" it always still has canola or soybean oil in it.. the ****tiest, cheapest ingredients.. So now i have to make my own with avocado oil or olive oil.. i could order it online but its very expensive, and i wont be sure if the taste is good. Luckily I dont use it that often. 

THis week I will be making Tuna salad, chicken salad, and stuffed peppers. 

Exciting.  

Progress as of today: 48 lbs lost so far, only 39 lbs to go!


sarsbars - Friday Dec 06, 2013
(what feels right.)
Weight: 179.0

So , for a while now, I have been posting my blogs privately. I felt like I wanted to run this journey on my own. That no one understands me. Especially because I have changed my diet plan countless times, but the truth is, its much easier to do this with a group of people who know the struggle of weight loss and body image. So Im going to start posting publicly for now. Especially because I have made it a habbit to post more often. I should warn everyone, I type very fast, and since there is no auto correct on here, there will be MANY spelling and grammer errors. So, anyways,  currently Im trying to find my niche in the dieting world.  I could litterly be a nutritionist, diet expert at this point of the game. I read lots of books on nutrition, metabolism, emotional eating, the fad diets and the authors philosophys. I have read about the corn epidemic, wheat epidemic, the fda laws in US, i know about all the horrible genitcally processed foods like high frutose corn syrup, hydrogenated oils, and soy. The addiction you litterly get from sugar and processed foods and simple carbs.... and of course how fake sweetners cause bloating and actual weight gain.. So what do I do? I struggle. I struggle trying to figure out what my body really can handle.. because one thing I have learned after being aware of all this information is.. The world we live in , makes it difficult for us to be healthy. Unfortunately, I am not perfect . I tried for a while to do the strickly organic thing, no sugar, all natural foods. meats, veggies, good fats,  good carbs, cut grain , corn, wheat, soy, all processed foods, and cooked every single day.  Although I enjoyed the healthier way of living.. I still ate a lot .. and didnt lose weight.. hmmm so Ive been told that eating more of a paleo /primal diet, I should see a dramatic weight loss the first few weeks.. I didnt.  So not only does that leave me feeling ripped off broke, and depleated, but if i wasnt goin to lose any weight, i could of just stuck to my old diet and actully ate food i wanted.. So this constant negetive thinking about being fat , having to lose weight, obsessing every morning about weighing myself, what Im going to eat.. Could it be possible that my emotions are stopping me from losing weight?  According to my hypnotherapist it is either that.. or my thyroid.. Well. I have gotten tested for my thryoid and it comes back everything is fine.. However.. now im told the regular thryoid test doesnt always clarify if there is indeed some thyroid issue.  Honestly, in the past when I lost my 50 lbs.. It was from starving, depriving and diet pills. exercise too, eatin healthy at times.. but mostly diet pills. This time around I want to do it right. I want and need to make a lifestyle change. I do not know if my emotions.. the constant pressure I put on myself.. the misery i feel when i put food in my mouth has anything to do with me not losing weight... from a spiritual point of view.. the negetive energy I put on myself..and belive that I will never lose weight,, could be possible. On top of that.. I do a lot of emotional eating. Food is my cocainne. I dont know how my body is suppose to feel when its hungry for food and needs energy. Im so scared Ill be deprived that I eat before I get that way. Im constantly thinking about food and what Im suppose to eat next. I feel like it takes over. When I am clear, I know that I have to take a deep breath, and just take a min to analyze my body.  To relax and point out if its real hunger. or fear triggering me to eat. or sadness. It can be very draining and annoying. I cant eat like a normal person. ONe day I would like to. The hypnotherapist suggests i do EFT. and listen to her therapy cds which I have been doing. After this last session, I had a release of emotions. I realize that A. I dont feel happy with the scale in my house. I wake up every morning sad because i already know i wont be 40 lbs smaller than yesterday. So I threw that out. B. I really need to let go of the fact that " i can do wahtever i want', doesnt mean that im necessarily eating waht i want... just cus i have the freedome to eat a pizza or hamburger or pie, doesnt mean i need to have it. My body will que me on what it REALLY wants. Just cus a taco sounds better than an apple... doesnt mean my body is craving a taco.. I really have to pay attention. and realize if one day i really want a taco.. its always available to me. am i have real cravings.. or a craving to feel better about something... Today was a good day. I actually had the stomach flu thanksgiving week, and even after I got better, my stomach stayed weak and aggrivatd for a few days. For some reason yesterday I was sooooo tired, and fatigued. i went home early because all i wanted to do was sleep. I ended up goin out later with a friend for drinks.. i havent had drinks in forever and it sounded lilke a good idea.. well 3 martinis later... i was dreading going home because i would only have a few hours of sleep before i had to go back to work.. suprisingly enough.. i woek up feeling great! I havent felt this great in weeks. I had energy, I was in a good mood. I ate well. I paid attention to my body and ate more effortlessly today than I have in the past 3 weeks. Im not sure why. I need to pay attention to that though.. I didnt beat myself up for having 3 martinnis last night.. I wanted to enjoy my life and I did.. usually i wouldnt drink or id beat myself up in my head for having a drink.. but I want to let go of the obsession and pressure. I want to be healthy, if that means Im healthy at 180.. fine. I just want to be happy. At any size. Of course I would love to be smaller, not only would i feel more comfortable in my cloths but Id feel like myself. More confident. I can be loved at 180, but I have to start by not judging myself so much. I would love to effortlessly eat without judging and actually lose weight naturally. THis journey is more than "losing weight" I think its understanding who I am. Whats important in life... and how to really love myself.. I have had it wrong for years. Ya , its wht you eat.. and right now I dont want to be perfect and start a strict paleo diet. If I want pasta one day... Ill have the pasta i love.. which is brown rice pasta... I hardly eat bread , but damn if I want a piece of french bread with my chili, Ill try to make it gluten free but if its not there , im not goin to die or gain 10 lbs by a slice of bread.. I think I just have to assure myself that I dont HAVE to follow diets rule by rule.. I want to follow a plan that works for me and my beliefs. 

So today I skipped breakfast: I told myself.. eat when your hungry, even though it felt weird, i wasnt hungry in the morning. I ate a few bites of my chili at noon,,, made myself a coffeee... had 2 homemade meatballs  later on.. and finished my chili bowl with a little piece of french bread for dinner. When I came home I had some left over sweet potato pie I made a few days ago.. I just wanted a bite. and I did. and I felt satisfied .. which is nuts cus I cant go for just a bite. So again.. today was a great day. For me.. this was a big achievement. ... Im goin to go to bed and try to get atleast 8 hours of sleep. I have a chiorpractor appointment tommrow morning with my Hot dr.. man i cant wait..lol

Progress as of today: 48 lbs lost so far, only 39 lbs to go!

OhioRaven on 12/07/2013:
Have a Good, Day.



sarsbars - Sunday Oct 20, 2013
(organic /natural foods intended to eat)
Weight: 181.0

 breakfast: 1/2 chilli/ chicken soup

felt full but hungry soon after

snack: almonds.

held me over

LUnch: chicken breast, spinach and carrots

a little bit of heart burn. thinking it may be from the spinach because had carrots and chicken night before and felt find. although carrots were raw night before. this time cooked with olive oil and real butter. dinner will be organic eef burger with avocado

Progress as of today: 46 lbs lost so far, only 41 lbs to go!


sarsbars - Friday Dec 07, 2012
(living life)
Weight: 168.0

So i have been the same weight for about 3 months now .I guess that's better then gaining weight but I still think of how much I could of lost in that time frame. I did however go threw a breakup, which was very difficult for me. I actually did gain a little , but was able to lose it after the holidays.I was beginning to lose myself in that relationship.Even though I was happy, I found myself unbalanced, which included my diet, I'm still in the recovering stages of it, but I I'm at least starting my diet and exercise regimen back. The breakup was unexpected, so emotional eating was definitely involved. My mini goal iis still to get in the 150's.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only 28 lbs to go!

Duaa123. on 12/07/2012:
It's good that you keep your weight :) keep going :) I hope that you reach your goal weight



sarsbars - Tuesday Sep 25, 2012
(living life)
Weight: 168.0

  Things are going well. that is all..lol

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only 28 lbs to go!

V on 09/26/2012:
Congrats on your loss :) Great job!


newme24 on 09/26/2012:
Glad things are going well! Have a great day!



sarsbars - Wednesday Aug 22, 2012
(living life)
Weight: 171.0

 well im close to the 160s. 171 is the lowest i have been since 2006 /2007 ish. It didnt last very long, lol , but I dont think this will be the case this time. The difference is , before I stopped feeling motivated, or I was in a bad place, or I didnt realize that I had a problem. Its not easy having your weight go dramatically up and down for so many years, and never feeling satisfied with any of the numbers you see on the scale. This time was a different approach. I was not on just a "weight loss" journey. I was on a spiritual journey as well. I knew I was a compulsive eater my whole life, but I really thought I was helpless, hopeless, and meant to be fat. I would torture myself and get angry at my body if I didnt lose the weight by a certain time. If I didnt make that cut, Id get mad and eat whatever I did end up losing. Such a vicious cycle. I was not eating when I was hungry, and if I felt hungry, which was rare, it was as if it was the end of the world and i had to fill up quick. I also blamed all my problems , no matter what, on my weight. I hated my body for everything that went wrong. I always thought and sometimes still think, that people judge me on every talent, move, everything that i do, on my weight. I asked a friend if she wanted to borrow a dress of mine that i got the other day, it was kind of snug on me, but i thought she would want it for a wedding we are goin to on friday. I had her try it on, and it wouldnt go past her butt... she looked at me and said.. what made you think this would fit me?! ... Well, your a lot smaller than me , thats why,.. i said. SHe looked at me and rolled her eyes, and  said, " i think you think you are a lot bigger than you actually are"..... I looked at myself in the mirror and sometimes i get suprised at how my waste looks. it looks smaller. I mean compared to 50 some lbs ago. I look at pics and you can totally see the difference. FOr some reason, my mind doesnt completely register that. My whole life i have been "fat" .I guess constantly reminded by my family, instilled it in my head. Even now they''ll say,,  " you look so great sarah, make sure you keep it up, you dont want to ruin all your hard work" or, " are you eating that pasta?, be careful its very fattening"... Even after countless times, i have snapped on them, I guess their mentalitiy never changed either. This time when i went into losing weight, I was scared. Not because I didnt want to work out, or eat better, or that it wouldnt work... It always works... losing weight isnt the hard part... its knowing that for me, it comes with a price. I would lose weight, then as soon as something would trigger my feelings , i would binge and feel sick to my stomach, gain 4 lbs, then lose 5 lbs. gain 2 lbs, then lose 4 lbs... ugggh.. i lost weight.. but i lost it while torturing myself, and my body. I wont lie, in the begining of the year that still happened. i am more control of it now, but it can still happen. I started going to counceling, and oea. I was embarrassed that i needed "help" . I understand now that overeating is just as much of an eating disorder as bulimia, or anerexia. I supressed so many feelings growing up and all of them were expressed threw binges of food, and me abusing my body with food. Some people call it a disease. I dont want to call it that. I guess for me, a disease is like cancer, or aids,  or even mental disesases that are maintained by meds. there isnt a pill for overeating. diet pills are not a cure. . For me, I think I need support, understanding, and a mental shift. I am in the middle of my mental shift . my feelings towards food. I dont want to hide certain foods or not be able to be around foods that are too high in fat, or sugar, or my favorite "bad " foods. I want to live like a normal person and be around that without thinking i have to eat the whole pizza , or the order the whole menue on my chinese take out menue on my fridge. I want to eat those things  and enjoy the food that i love. without feeling guilty. so i have been. Trust me it took a lot of realieasing my feelings i supressed to get here. I am paying attention to when my body is hungry. Not when i need comfort. Everytime i feel like i need something in my mouth i will ask if im hungry. Ususally im not... so i have to sit there and say, what is bothering me? sometimes it works , sometimes it doesnt. when it doesnt, ill reach for a cookie... feel guilty.. sit back down and say.. what is it that i feel.... after a little while.. something resurfaces.. and i deal with it. i cry, i write, i reach out to someone. i talk about it... it exhausting sometimes,, but those feelings need to be adressed. as soon as i feel that release, i dont reach for the food that i once did for. This past couple weeks , i have given myself permission to eat what i want. I will buy one item from the store that i love and havnet had for years because it wasnt a "diet food"... what i have learned is , some of the things i thought i wanted so bad... i didnt even end up really liking that much. and second , when i go into eatin something not feeling guilty before i eat it.. i enjoy it so much, that i dnt need to eat the whole thing of it.. i bought icecream the other day... and i had one sppoon of it and felt satisfied.. thats never happened. I was scared all week because for once i didnt eat my diet food. I ate what i wanted and ususally when i "eat waht i want" i gain ten lbs.. but the diffrence was.. i listened to my body, and i  listened to my feelings. i write down what i eat, and i dont pay attention to the calories, however.. i notice that even on my days where i thought i did bad, i have always been under 1500 calories. for once i have "leftovers" i dont weight myself everyday. i don want to put a time limit on myh weight loss. its not even about the weight loss. im working on being happy. Yes I would love to be at a healthy weight. My weight right now at 5'4, is not reallyk healthy, but if i feel healthy at 160 then maybe ill stay at 160. i dont know what my nautral weight is. i guess its something ill find out in time.  i reccomend a book by genine roth called " when food is love"  that book made me shed some tears and gain some knowlege and understanding. I have been goin to councling, and dealing with all my emotions and though my eyes have been soar, there is only happieness behind sorrow. I am in such a better place now then i think i have ever been. I know that this isnt the end. I still have a lot to work on, so i suppose it can only get better. I thought i would share this with you guys , in case there is someone out there reading this who can relate. i KNow how important it was for me to feel like i wasnt alone. sometimes other peoples stories help you have a better perspective on your own story.

Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only 31 lbs to go!

V on 08/22/2012:
Welcome back and congrats on your loss!!



sarsbars - Wednesday Jun 27, 2012
(weight watchers/ working out)
Weight: 175.0

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!

sarsbars on 06/27/2012:
So unfortunately I have remained the same weight now for about a month or more. I have hit a plateau, and Im starting to try different things to get rid of this delay. Im trying new recipes and starting to walk after work for some exercise. Speaking of work, Very sad news about one of the girls i work with. She just found out she has stage 4 Hodgkins lymphoma. She is only 27 years old. I really want to do something special for her. Some of the girls want to give her a gift card, but I want to do something a little bit more meaningful. I was thinking to gather some notes, letters, words of wisdom, from actual cancer survivors who can help her gain some hope and lift her spirits. I think reading them from people who have been threw it will give her some encouragement to keep pushing and hopefully give her some strength mentally. If anyone is or knows someone who would be willing to email me anything regarding their struggle and what helped them get threw it, please contact me on here or my email . It would be tremendously appreicated! sarahpk606@yahoo.com



sarsbars - Tuesday May 22, 2012
(weight watchers/ working out)
Weight: 175.0

 I went up a few lbs during vacation, but i finally went down again. took a few weeks longer than i thought. I wont complain though. Doing really good actually.  I have made a huge decision that I have been thinking about for a long time, but finally have taken the steps to make a final decision. I am going to get a tummy tuck. I have seen 2 drs and have 2 more to see . So far both have said I am a good candidate for a tummy tuck. My rectus muscles are seperated and my belly hangs. Its always been my biggest insecurities since I was in first grade. The first time someone pointed out i had a big belly. Throughout the years of weight gain and loss, I have lost the skin elasticity in it and its not very attractive. I have always struggled with feeling comfortable in cloths and in my own skin because of it. I now can remember that , when I would lose a ton of weight, my stomach would stay the same, and it was always very discouraging. I would end up gaining all the weight back. Now that im older, and more aware of what is really going on. I can see that my face, shoulders, chest, arms legs have all gotten so much smaller, but my stomach is like a tumor. Maybe this is just in my eyes, but I know Ill never feel accomplished in my weight loss knowing that no matter how many situp up and toning i do. Ill always have this skin hanging. Sooo, Im making the choice to get rid of it. I really think it will change my life. I cant say how bad this has effected my self esteem. I need to feel my best and I have come so far in my weight journey. I want to reeap all the benefits of feeling thin. I have done tons of research on all the drs. Now i have 2 more to meet, and then make my decision. I originally planned the surgery in September, however. I would like to do it sooner. So i can finally live. Its weird. I feel way more insecure about it now then i did when i was bigger. Maybe because i feel like it sticks out more that everything else looks smaller. I want to have a good summer, but at the same time, I know its not wise to financially burden myself. Im able to save more by September. So there are a few decisions that need to be made. A lot of mental preparing for sure. Has anyone on here gotten any kind of cosmetic surgery? Did it change the way you felt about yourself after? Id love to hear some feedback or stories.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!

Umpqua on 05/23/2012:
Good work on your continuing loss! I don't have any experience with cosmetic surgery, but I did a little research into tummy tucks after my third abdominal surgery 2 years ago (following 2 previous c-sections). I have been pretty successful in reducing my "tummy flap" LOL through diet and exercise but it's not easy and it's been SLOW going. I know from my research and viewing other people's transformations online that it can be done, however. I'm also careful to exfoliate and moisturize my ab region regularly to help rejuvenate the loose skin and that has really made a difference (cocoa butter is fabulous).

If this is something that has bothered you for a long time and you've done everything you can to change it through diet and exercise, I say go for it! I do know it's a pretty big surgery and the scars are more extensive than my little c-section scar, which is why I dropped the idea. I'm sure you have done all the research and so I wish you the best of luck moving forward!


sarsbars on 06/27/2012:
Ya i dont care about the scar, lol i rather have a flat tummy after all the hard work i hav done and see a nice result then a flabby tummy that hangs over.. it sucks, this is a result from losing and gaining wieght so much, really loosened my skin quite a bit.



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