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smiley2 - Monday Oct 13, 2014
(Weight watchers)
Weight: 150.2

Hi y'all! Oh my word its been ages since i last posted on here!

I reached a point where i am at my heaviest weight of my life! After losing so much weight in 2010 on Weight Watchers i gained it all back and more! I decided to come back here first and foremost, cause i have to be accountable somewhere, being accountable to myself is just not enough for me to make a change. I see a lot of old familiar posters here and it makes me feel safe if you know what i mean :)

I can blame my weight gain on all the issues in my life (not working, doing a Masters that feels like its never going to end, a passionless marriage, too much wine drinking and eating out, overexercising, lack of sleep, lack of purpose in life, being on contraceptives for 14 years etc etc) but at the end of the day its about what i put into my mouth that matters. I have so much to be thankful for and im not forgetting that. I dont have  health issues, just came back from a month overseas vacation with my DH and parents, have a lot of people in my life etc. Despite of all of this, i still feel lonely and dissatisfied. I miss having animals in my life. Since my 2 dogs passed away a few years back i havent had the courage to get another dog, and we also dont have the space at present, where we are renting. Then there is the issue of having children, everyone around me has one, two or three and questions me or try to convince me to have them. It makes me think there is something wrong with me and what if i am depriving my DH from being a father (even though he says he doesnt want children). I just feel im not ready, i turned 35 a week ago. I know its a personal decision, but its really bugging me that i am going to miss out on life by having and even by not having children lol. Its a double edged sword to me.

So here i am again...i dont do good on excessive restrictive diets, so i will go back to counting points. I will post here once a week on my progress and a bit about what is going on in my life.

Food for today:

B: plain ff yoghurt, papaya

L: 5 crackers, ff cottage cheese, tomato, cucumber

Snacks: carrots, mustard, quava

D: will be wholewheat spagetthi (I will try not to have too much) with hawaian stir fry veggies and asian sauces (ie soya, fish sauce, tom yum etc)

I am going to my aerobic dance class again tonight after a month of vacation. I feel so unconfident and actually fear that the instructur will tell me he can see that i gained weight! A lot of people do that without thinking through the consequences - even our maid told me that before we left on vacation!

Today i feel bloated (waiting for my P), depressed and not in the mood for much. BUT i took the first step to post on here in like forever! I weighed myself and took measurements and am going to work a bit on the assignment i have to hand in within the next 2 weeks, so much research to do, but one steap at a time i guess.

Hope y'all have a good day ;)

Measurements (just took the most important ones - its in cm, not sure about the inches lol)

Thighs - 62 cm

Bum - 105cm

Tummy - 85cm

museumgirl on 10/13/2014:
Hi Smiley. I'm relatively new here, but welcome back. Your post really touched me. I hear your pain with a lot of what you say. I don't know you, but here's my 2 cents - I could say a lot more! You're healthy - that's great. 150 is NOT out of control, just a symptom of life, school, etc. Children are not the end-all, be-all of life....at the end of the day, you are left with yourself, and that is who you need to take care of first. I know that is heretical in our society, but kids grow up and leave and we need our own lives, too. All the wine in the world can't fix things...trust me on that, I have been down that road myself. Some days there was not enough wine in the world.... And what other people think of your weight, lifestyle, progress in life, is none of your business. It only matters that you know what you are doing and YOU are in control. Sorry if I sound preachy. Just don't beat yourself up over things that are out of your control, and believe you are strong enough to deal with the things that are. Everyone here believes in you already.


puddles on 10/13/2014:
Glad to have you back - have a great day.


OhioRaven on 10/13/2014:
I was away for a long time too. I quickly became a mess. Gained most of my weight back. I knew in my heart I had to come back. I'm grateful Puddy and the Gang was there to pull me back in. Without this group my future would be very bleak Indeed .


biscottibody59 on 10/13/2014:
Hey! Hang in there with it all--good to see you back!


Destiny65 on 10/14/2014:
Welcome back!



smiley2 - Thursday Dec 13, 2012
(Weight watchers)
Weight: 139.9

Hi all,

Ive lost a bit of weight in the past week, not sure how cause i did not stick to my WW points at all. I did do a lot of exercise to try and compensate - i hope it doesnt come and visit me next week lol!

There are SO many vacation days ahead, in this week alone its 4 eat out days and its so difficult to stick to my points then. Ive also realized i shouldnt starve myself before a dinner out, just makes me binge later and even the next day. My blood sugar also plays havoc with my mood and anxiety if i dont eat frequently.

Ive been taking this detox drink, made from all natural veggie juices and my stomach does not feel as bloated anymore.

On the anxiety front there is still a lot going on but i am taking it a day at a time. I am not planning on taking antidepressants again and gaining even more weight!

I will check in again next week.

 

supercheese on 12/14/2012:
Have a good week!



smiley2 - Wednesday Dec 05, 2012
(Weight watchers)
Weight: 141.9

 

Hi all,

I found my way back here once again. How time has flown, cant believe its been such a long time since i last posted - time just keeps on going doesnt it. So glad to know that i can always come back to DD's, its like an old friend hehe.

I have been struggling with my weight since i can remember, a lot of the issues i have were caused by external influences, i dont want to blame my weight gain on them, but if i look realistically i do undestand why i am behaving the way i do for all these years. I was bullied at school en teased for being overweight (if i look at the pictures now i realize i was just a bit bigger boned than the rest of the girls in my class). Then the issues with my mother that constantly dieted and my father constantly telling her and me that we were fat etc. Thats where my yo you dieting started. I dont think he meant anything by it, he didnt try to be cruel or something, but i took it all very personally. Then end 90's start 2000's i was in a relationship that drained me emotionally and it took a lot of effort to get out of. Guilt feelings caused me to have some sort of bulimia for 2 years, luckily that cleared up but i am still struggling with it a few times a year to this day. So those are the main reasons why i think i am where i am today. Out of those came a depression and anxiety that has plagued me for the past 10 years. Dont get me wrong i have a very good life now, happily married for 7 years, get to travel a lot, busy with research work and a Masters degree, no real stress, but my anxiety and depression does not want to let me go. I am almost the same weight i was when i were on antidepressants a few years back. At least i know now that i am not back where i am today because of antidepressants, i am where i am because my anxiety and depression has never left me, unfortunately it seems my motivation did I am overindulging in food and drink whenever we go out to eat and thats approx 4 times a week. I know i have to stop blaming all these external factors that i think caused/cause my weight gain. Yes my dogs passed away too, and yes im a only child that saw them as brothers, but they are not coming back, i cant even go back into my past and fix all those things that happened to me, its gone. I only have now, today, to do the best the i can and try to build on that. Maybe a good day will become a good week, a good month, a good year...

Even when i was at my goal weight 2 years ago i was still depressed and anxious, i have to accept my past and present, not think the future HAS to be a certain way and keep on with my self talk therapy and monthly councelling i also attend.

I just had to get this off my chest - i think 99% of our struggles with weight has to do with underlying psychological issues we have to deal with first before we can ever really move on or lose the weight constructively.

I will post my weight again next Wednesday. I am going to try Weight watchers again and stick to my daily points. The flexibiliity of its system just works for me, even though weight loss can sometimes be slow. Exercise wise i am doing very well. I do treadmill once a week, swim in the gym once, zumba and do 2 sessions of Jillian's 30 day shred a week.

The focus of this week will be on accepting my past, its inperfections, its uncontrollable influences on me. With acceptance comes the knowledge and power that i have a choice if it is going to continue to control and ruin my life or if i am going to fight back.

We are going to eat out again tonight, just me and DH so no stress, will see how it goes.

Have a good day y'all

Umpqua on 12/05/2012:
So great to see a post for you! Your plan sounds good and I think it's important to dig deep to find out what is causing the cycle of gaining and losing (I've struggled with this so many times). I hope you have a good evening!


V on 12/05/2012:
Welcome Back Smiley :)


liza36 on 12/06/2012:
It's so nice to see you back! Your post is a great one of acknowledgement, and like you said, with that and acceptance comes the power to change. Good luck, and glad you're back!



smiley2 - Tuesday Feb 22, 2011
(Weight watchers)
Weight: 0.0

Hi all,

And so here i am back again, with lots of intentions to stay with the program and update here about my life. In the past posting here has helped me through some difficult times. I am currently doing Weight Watchers, have had some really good results in the past 2 years with that, so i am trying to stick to my points, but i am struggling, i have this hungry feeling the whole time.

Other than that we are back in South Africa and i am still busy with my Masters degree, doing the 2nd thesis year now.  I am struggling with a lot issues other than weight loss, which i think comes normally for most people. Eg moving out of your parents' house, having children, starting a career etc. I dont like being put into a box or forced into anything, but feel i am getting older and holding on to what i want while all my friends and family are moving on and experiencing different phases of life. Sometimes i just feel so different to anyone else.

Ok enough drama, exercise wise i am doing great, jogging twice a week and swimming 1km. I also started yoga classes last week, so really looking forward to its benefits. Foodwise i ate a bit more than i planned today, but i think i will keep within my overall points.

Hope you all are doing well.

X

liza36 on 02/22/2011:
So glad to see you back!! You have proven that you can succeed in the past, so I have no doubt you can do it this time too. Those big changes in life, as you mention, can add a great deal of stress to one's life. Good luck navigating through it - we are here to support you!


Umpqua on 02/22/2011:
Hey there, good to see you back! I've been doing yoga for a few months and absolutely love it. Looking forward to seeing you around here again!


moogy on 02/22/2011:
Ah! life, with all it's ups and downs. Glad to see you back. If you are feeling hungry try and include wholegrains and protein with your meals, it will stay with you longer that way. Good luck.


sweetpea1977 on 02/22/2011:
Yaaaay!! I am so happy to see you back here! :)

As for what everyone is expecting of you, dont let it stress you out. You have to do what makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself. Dont change your life plans to make others happy or to "fit in".

By the way, I created a completely secret FB group page. Its an additional source of support and gives members a chance to share more of themselves. I created a weekly challenge in which you earn points for reaching daily goals for those who want/need an extra incentive to stay on track with their health plans. Anyway, if you are interested, let me know and I'll invite ya to the group!

xo



smiley2 - Thursday Sep 02, 2010
(Weight watchers)
Weight: 0.0

Hi all!

Yes im back on here, why is it that all roads always leads us back to Diet diaries hehe. I cant believe i havent been on here in more than a year. Time just went by too quickly and so much stuff happenend. After our move from the Middle East last year back to Cape Town my grandfather passed away, we went on a Greek cruise for my 30th Birthday, then i started my Masters Degree in Industrial Psychology....inbetween i did Weight watchers and lost all the weight. I became a lifetime member a few months back, but right now im battling. After we moved out of my parents house and got our own place to rent i started eating again, in a way it felt like i hurt my parents, even though im married and i know we couldnt have stayed with them forever. And so my beloved Border Collie Armani passed away....and i started to binge eat again. I havent weighed myself since my last WW meeting. And we are leaving on holiday in a weeks time. Going to the Dead Sea (Jordan), i cant wait and think i will only weigh myself when i get back, start afresh. Other than that im working hard on my assignment and trying to take life one day at a time. Hope you guys are doing well and im going to try and check in here more often after our holiday.

Take care,

xx

sweetpea1977 on 09/02/2010:
Smiley!!! I was JUST thinking about you because someone posted a question about "Slim in 6" in the forums!

Anyway, I am so glad to see you posting again. I've missed you so much!

Sending you lots of hugs and love your way, old friend! xoxo


Umpqua on 09/02/2010:
So GREAT to see you back here. I'm sorry you've been through such a rough time, but I'm happy you found your way back here. Having a wonderful holiday and then starting fresh when you return sounds like a great plan. Looking forward to hearing all about it!


willbe110lbs on 09/02/2010:
hello, welcome back! sorry to hear the bad news from over the past year but all the positives sound great, im so jealous of all your travelling! Anyway, just thought id say hello and welcome you back. Good luck and keep in touch. xx


hollybelle on 09/02/2010:
Ah, She's back! Welcome!


just42day on 09/02/2010:
Thanks for the comment on Slim in 6; that's very encouraging! Sounds like last year was a challenging one for you. The very good news is that you clearly got through it. You're upcoming trip sounds fabulous. Best of luck to you. I look forward to more posts from you in the future.


legcramps on 09/02/2010:
Sounds like a plan! Have a great day today!


moogy on 09/02/2010:
I look forward to getting to know you:)


V on 09/02/2010:
Welcome back! Sorry that you have been going through such hard times :(


liza36 on 09/03/2010:
Hey, Smiley! So glad to see you back. Sounds like you had a lot going on, and I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

Weight watchers is a great program, and I'm so happy to hear that you made lifetime. That's a great accomplishment, and one that I aspire to someday!


Maria7 on 09/14/2010:
Hey, Smiley! I'm the same Maria from December 2000...(just keep changing the Maria-user name sometimes)....Hope you are doing well! :-)



smiley2 - Sunday Jun 28, 2009

Weight: 143.2

Day 22 of 49

Hi everyone,

Sorry for being so scarce, i finally submitted that couse assignment and now its like huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders....i can finally do other things again lol :)

On the diet and exercise front....exercise wise i am doing real good. I do treadmill twice a week (15 min jog and 22 walk), swim about 1km once a week, do weights twice a week and am trying these new leg exercises i found online to try and tone my legs.

Diet wise....well i am NOT doing well. I am falling off the wagon, not THAT bad, but bad enough for me to not lose any weight. And then there is the stress of moving back to South Africa and if it is the right decision for now. My husband found a great job and people are saying we should settle and start a family etc, but i just dont feel at ease with it all, he also isnt . But for now it may be the right decision to move back, as life in Bahrain has become too hard - especially psychologically.

I was thinking of getting me and hubby a Bodybugg, any of you guys ever used one? Its suppose to count calories, even whilst you sleep, but its pretty expensive.

Other than that i am doing fine, a bit bored at work and 2 months salary not yet paid, but i guess i am surviving....lets blame everything on the worldwide credit crises haha!

Have a good day all!

Wx

 

 

sweetpea1977 on 04/27/2010:
Hey Girlie, I was going through old diaries and clicked on your name to drop you a note. Im journalling on here again and its working for me.

Miss you (on here!)



smiley2 - Monday Jun 15, 2009

Weight: 143.2

Day 9 of 49.

Hi all, i skipped a few days on here, been real busy over the weekend (our weekends run from Thursday to Saturday here) and i also had my hands full with my assignment that needs to be in on the 25th of June.

Lets see, on Monday i did ok food wise, and in the evening we went out to have Thai food, i tried not to eat too much - we played tennis that evening as well. On Tuesday i had a good overall diet day and on Wedneday too, except for the pizza and wine in the evening. I starved myself the whole day for it and it was thin crust, so at least not that bad.

On Thursday the downhill slide started. During the day i did fine, even went to have a 1km swim. Then we went to have Indian food for dinner, i didnt eat that much but had almost 600cals worth of extra drinks! Needless to say i didnt feel too good the next morning, but we had to meet my friend at a local restaurant for brunch. There i had scrambled eggs, bacon, pork sausages, tomato, mushrooms, some sweet and sour pork and veggies. Oh and 2 glasses of champagne and some white wine too -ive got a feeling it was more though as the brunch was stretched out over almost 4 hours. I did drank a lot of water and diet coke too. When hubby and me got home we had another snack attack and ate some Sun chips with salsa. Then we went to the movies and there i had some popcorn. Saturday and Sunday went well and i almost managed to exercise on Saturday. Today, so far so good.

I know i am able to restrict my calories, i just shouldnt feel the need to overcompensate for it on other days, otherwise i will never lose the weigh i want. I will weigh myself next monday to see my progress.

 

Have a good day all.

Wx

 

CritterMom on 06/15/2009:
If you are starving yourself all day, to allow food at night, you are seriously screwing with your metabolism. You need to eat something (good for you) within one hour of waking up, and follow that with something else good for you every 3 hours of so during the course of the day. Not full meals, but healthy snacks (fruit, veggies, black beans, brown rice cake with natural peanut butter, etc). Be sure to include enough protein to support healthy muscle tone.


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/15/2009:
you are doing great! nice to hear about all the exercise and fun times!



smiley2 - Tuesday Jun 09, 2009

Weight: 143.2

Day 3 of 49

Hi all,

Yes i changed my diet to 7 week weeks, well due to 2 reasons. I am currently exchanging some meals with a shake, and according to my calculations, if correct, the shake will last 7 weeks, that is 3 servings per week approx. Also, 7 is my lucky number lol!

Ok now back to what i ate yesterday:

B: Yoghurt drink

S: apple

L: diet shake

S: nuts (hubby and me went to play tennis and i needed to eat something!)

D: We went out to a Thai place, i had some prawn crackers with spicy sauce, sweet and sour chicken, pad thai noodles with tofu and 2 blocks of dark chocolate when i got home.

So far so good, oh and thanks for the welcome back comments, its so good to "see" old familiar faces on here again!

Have a great day.

Oh i just realized i didnt update my food for Sunday, Day 2, so here goes:

B: Yoghurt drink

S: plum

L: 3 crackers with moz cheese, tomato and spices

S: apple

D: chilli with lf mince, beans, tomato, onions and lettuce

Wx

sweetpea1977 on 06/09/2009:
Your menus look great! And Im very happy to see that you are playing tennis again. :) Welcome back old friend!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/10/2009:
my overall goal, like my ultimate weight, would be 115 or so. right now, my goal is to get to the 130s, and back into the 120s after that. a goal i can actually visualize is being 125 again. lower than that i'm not ready for. i'm almost 5'2".

it's nice to have you back here. :)



smiley2 - Sunday Jun 07, 2009

Weight: 143.2

DAY 1 of 42

Hi,

And so i am back....many a winding roads has led me back to this site. I am still in the Middle East, planning on moving back to South Africa soon. I am currently working but am way underpaid and somewhat overweight as well. I havent weighed in the 140's in years and that is why i came back here, cause i always find good advice and somehow when i hold myself accountable here i seem to lose weight. I am giving myself 6 weeks to see how much i can lose.

What i ate yesterday:

Breakfast: Fat free yoghurt drink

Snack: canteloupe

Lunch: 2 egg whites, one yellow, 3 pieces of wheat melba crackers, mushrooms, lettuce, bit of ketchup

Snack: apple

Dinner: lettuce, 100cal tortilla, chicken with Dijon mustard, honey, orange juice etc.

I would love to catch up with everyone, but wouldnt be able to do so until start next month...yes im still studying and i have a BIG assignment due June 25th, so wish me luck.

Until tomorrow my friends...

Val

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/07/2009:
lunch looks satisfying and tasty! i remember you! welcome back!


biscottibody59 on 06/07/2009:
Glad to see you back--you do what you have to--the accountability here will help you I hope!

Have a good one!



smiley2 - Sunday Sep 14, 2008
(Slim in 6)
Weight: 0.0

Hi all,

I havent been on here in soooooo long. I just read my previous update and realized that after that a lot fell apart of me and i just kept distancing myself from social connections. To make a long story short, i had to resign end of May at my company because of a lot of issues. One of the managers (an Arabic woman, no pun intended) did not like me from the beginning and when my other manager was away she got a lawyer friend of her's into the office and accused me of a lot of things. It all turned ugly and it was a very emotional time for me, but i had to resign, i had not choice. There is no proper legal system in the Middle East and frankly i believe its better to avoid people like that, cause they can be very dangerous. My other manager admitted that the lady was very jealous of me, but because he needed her as a partner he couldnt do anything to the situation.

So i was devastated and went to SA a bit earlier. I had a very good time there with friends and family and got back end of July. Funny enough my eating and exercising were pretty good since i left that place and bloatedness also became less. I have kept myself busy with my studies, watching re-runs of television and taking up some extra exercise classes like spinning and i also want to try pilates.

I havent had a nice job offer since yesterday. I wrote this article about a trip i had to Miami a while back and a local Women's magazine as me if they could publish it. They also want pics and i dont have that as we only took video, so that will take some time to get. Anyway they want me full time in house to work for them and its such a nice opportunity, but im afraid if they dont offer me something on a freelance basis i cannot take it, since i am leaving 1 Dec to SA again for a month and hubby and me are finishing in Bahrain end of March. It always feels like im on the shortest end of everything. And because of this, i binged again for the first time in ages today. I had 480 cals of cheddar cheese popcorn, which brings my total cals for today already at 1111 and i havent even had dinner.

Oh and my parents are arriving on 29th Sept for a 2 week stay with us. We are taking them to Jordan and we are going to celebrate my Birthday there in October.

Hope you all have a good day.

Wx

sweetpea1977 on 09/14/2008:
Wow, Welna! You have been through a lot. No wonder you disappeared from here.

Im so sorry about the job experience there in Bahrain. At least you wont be there for much longer! Do you know where you will be headed next or will you be returning to South Africa for a while?

The Women's magazine job sounds cool. I hope they will be able to offer a freelance job!

Enjoy your parent's visit!

Keep in touch girlie. I've missed you soooo much!!


Horn_Of_Plenty on 09/14/2008:
happy early bday if you don't come on here again till after the 29th!!!

that binge is nothing! don't worry...sounds like positive things are happening for you! :)


WI3 on 09/16/2008:
SMILEY!!!!!!!!! Good to see you!!! You've been struggling with a lot of stuff..goodness. Well, the nice thing is, you have left that mean person behind and aren't wasting anymore of your effort on someone who is heartless and cruel. I hope the job comes through as you want!


Maria7 on 09/20/2008:
Hello to you!!! Glad to see you back!


Maria7 on 09/22/2008:
Hoping you are doing well.


sweetpea1977 on 10/07/2008:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WELNA!!

Love ya!


Umpqua on 10/22/2008:
Hi Welna!! I am very late to comment on your entry, but I wanted to wish you a belated happy birthday! It's good to see you on the diaries again and to hear what you've been up to. I hope you had a wonderful visit with your parents and to Jordan.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened at your job, but at least you will be leaving there soon. I hope things are going well for you now, and please check back in with us soon, I've really missed hearing from you!



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