wow, ive been away for a while. no good reason or anything, just keeping busy and been off the computer for a while. hope everyone is doing well. i am. decided to stop being a hermit and spend more time with my friends. been a lot happier with that. sleeping better too. triathlon training is going well. slowly, but well. its nice having other things to do for cardio. did i mention that in my last entries? i dont really remember. well, if i didnt, ive decided to alter my training from marathon to triathlon. running just kind of got dull and my trainer didnt like that i was doing it every day. i read an article from a magazine my friend brought in at work and it was about triathlon training and how beginners should go about it. that kind of inspired me to look into it. so of course, the geek that i am, i went to borders, bought a book and a few magazines and have been reading up on it. lots of fun stuff. i love reading about fitness. sounds weird, im sure, but its amazing the things i learn that i feel i should already know. just goes to show how poorly fitness is taught at school. kind of sad. something ill think about when i decide to be a parent someday. have my company party this weekend. very excited about that. only have a day to prep for it all. such a procrastinator i am. anyhow, gotta work in 5 hours, so time to sleep. hope youre all doing well. ill update on all your entries soon, once the party madness is over with. til then...

Wow, I should really learn to not post when I'm in a bad mood. Thanks for all of your comments, they're something to look back on next time I'm just feeling sorry for myself for whatever dumb reason. I have been keeping up with my journal, which is why I found it frustrating that there have been no changes on the scale after 2 weeks of eating what was recommended. What I really need to do, which I have done, is put the damn scale back in the bathroom cabinet. That's really the healthiest decision I can make. I obsess so much about the scale, even though I tried waiting 2 weeks to check, even though my pants fit looser, I'm seeing definition in my legs (behind that stubborn fat layer), I'm stronger. I think it's because I see very little change in my midsection, which I just need to realize every day is just the last place to go on my body. That's pretty much the pattern of my family - the midsection and hips. We're born to make babies!!! I try not to be a negative person, I just hate when it shows up every now and then, especially in a place that's lasting. The negativity, that is. Anyhow, time to get on with my lovely day. I have a room to clean!! I'm a firm believer that a messy room brings on a messy mind and the tendency to make excuses for everything else. So time for some emotional clean up - gotta make the bed!!! much love.

So I dropped the TrimSpa today. I don't really think it did anything for me except keep me awake at night. I just started feeling like I was becoming addicted to the energy it gave me and that worried me, so I decided to stop wasting my money and give it a rest. I'm having a hard time with something and maybe someone can help me out. I've been trying this "healthy eating" thing - fruits and yogurt and grains...the whole 9 yards. Yet I'm not losing anything. I'm working out like a mad woman, I have a very active job, I eat several small meals a day - things that are always recommended for healthy weight loss, yet nothing. I tried the lo-carb thing a couple of times and while it worked for 10 pounds here and there, it would always backfire somehow and I'd gain it all back very quickly. I don't really want to "diet," but this "lifestyle change" thing just isn't cutting it. What do I do? Eating and alcohol are seriously what's keeping me back. And I know what you're thinking - just make the commitment and don't have what you know is bad for you!! But with working at a fabulous grocery store and being very social at night, it's the hardest thing in the world for me. I just don't like the feeling of being deprived, yet I seem to be all all or nothing person. I just obsess over this way to much, but it's really sad realizing how much money I spend to train, yet can't seem to think of this when I eat something I shouldn't. And the thing is, I really don't eat a whole lot of the "bad" food - I rarely eat refined sugar, wheat, white flour. And I've cut back from drinking every night to once, maybe twice a week. Then again, when I've had a few drinks I'm able to justify eating the bad foods later on in the night. Weight training is supposed to speed up your metabolism, I just don't think it's working. Ug, I hate feeling so yucky about this. I'm really motivated, I just make the wrong decisions. Sorry, I don't mean to bring down the mood, it's just really frustrating, as I'm sure you all know. It sucks to work so hard at something without seeing the expected results. Oh well. I really need to get back to my positive self. Gonna do a few lunges and get some sleep and wake up in a better mood tomorrow. Best of luck to you all...

Oh my holy soreness! Saw my trainer today and well, she whooped my butt. We had a "shadower" today, someone from the fitness minor at the college here that watches a training session to get ideas and whatnot. So, because of this she seriously upped my training today, which was madly painful, yet wonderful at the same time. She knows I love when she kicks my butt, so today was an extra special treat. There's nothing like doing over 100 lunges within an hour, along with a million other lifting things. I'm gonna be feeling it tomorrow. So yesterday I treated myself for all my good work and I'm proud to say not with food. I actually took a good chunk of my tax return and bought a new pair of running shoes, which I really needed, an MP3 player to make my runs more thrilling (I love running to metal and other heavy music), a sports watch to time my runs and set my alarms for my spaced meals, and the best yet - a spray tan package. Yes, it seems silly, but I'm tired of being so pale because of my schedule. I also don't want to take my 2 days off to sit in the sun all day, only to spend the next 5 recovering from a burn and peeling. The spray tan is a strange thing, but I'm already hooked. If you've never done one before, you rub this stuff on your hands and feet to not get the spray on them, then stand in this shower like room and let the spray get you for 10 seconds a side. Then you get out of the shower and towel off any excess, get dressed, and wait for 5 hours before you shower, getting darker all the while. I didn't realize I'd get darker during that time, so about 2 hours after the spray I went to a dinner party and literally darkened during the course of it. The only bad part, which was totally my fault, was rubbing my hands on my body after rubbing the no-tan lotion off of them, not realizing until too late I got the stuff all over the place. So now my hands are a little brown. But that will go away soon enough. I love my fake tan. Makes me feel more human to have skin that isn't glowing in the dark because it's so white. And it's true that tanned skin makes you look and feel thinner. My legs actually don't look half so bad now that there's color on them. I have really toned calves because of my running and lifting, so it was nice to see them all toned and tanned. If only the rest of me was like that. As far as eating goes, went pretty well for the most part. I even went out tonight with some friends and didn't drink. I just felt too good about my work out to sabotage it with drinks. My best friend's birthday is Friday and we're going to see our friend's band play, so we'll see how that goes. I'm going to have to drive and it's about 45 minutes from home, so no drinking there. So I think if I can handle that, I won't have the need to do so when we get back from the show. I hope no one thinks I have a drinking problem, it's not like that at all, I just have a very social group of friends and bars are pretty prominent here in my little beach town. Having a couple of drinks a night isn't odd by any means, so I'm proud that I've held strong and stuck to water. And a lot of water I drink. Tomorrow I start my new work week, so another 5 days of business. Ha. I meant to write busy-ness, but it spells out like business. Thats wild. Anyhow, my trainer doesn't want me to run this week because she wants me to change up my cardio for the week, so it'll be interesting to squeeze in some time to work out. I usually run during my lunch breaks, so I'll have to find some extra time to get to the gym. Should make for some long days. Anyhow, I should get some rest if I'm going to have a productive day tomorrow. Have I mentioned yet how amazing you all are? Such an inspiration!

I read in someone's diary a comment about seeing an improvement and instead of using it as inspiration to keep going, the tendency to sabotage it with a "reward." I did this yesterday and today. I bought 3 pairs of work pants in my normal size the other day and wore one for the first time yesterday. Well, I was happy to notice that my normal size was looser than they've been in the past. So what did I do? I rewarded myself with a drink at a concert last night. Which of course turned into a second one when a friend bought me one. Which then turned into another one, which turned into a REALLY fun night with a sabotagal (not a real word, I understand) ending of junk-food binging. The kind where you wake up, look around, and feel sick just looking at what you put into your body. Then today I somehow convinced myself a tostada salad from Baja Fresh wasn't a terrible choice for lunch, especially since I wouldn't get much eating in for the day, which is also how I justified the chips and cheese I ate when I got off work. Why? I don't know. I just felt like I deserved it. How pathetic of me. I also didn't get in my run, which is another reason I know I didn't eat so well. When my day focuses around working out, I eat well. When circumstances beyond my control keep me from doing the run/cardio/weightlifting I obsess over all day, I fill in the gap with food. Just makes no sense. But tomorrow is another day and I set another goal to work out a lot. I just need to be more forceful at work with taking a break at an opportune time. Luckily I don't have a late shift tomorrow, which will allow me to work out not only during my lunch, but after work for a couple of hours. I just hope the fact that I'll be getting about 4 hours of sleep won't affect my workout too much tomorrow. My friend wants me to join him for happy hour tomorrow after work, but I was strong and told him I needed to use that time to work out. I have to. Not just for my daily work out, but to keep me from consuming more delicious whiskey. I don't have a drinking problem by any means, but it's a very big part of my social circle (especially in this town) and it's just not something I want to come in the way of my training. I know, make more friends. Sounds easy enough, but it's hard to meet people in this town that don't go out drinking a lot and aren't weight obsessed. Which is worse, I don't know. I can't wait til Tuesday. My friend and I are planning to go to the beach (he wants to ride our bikes, but I may just run) and hang out there all day and get sunburned. Well, the sunburned part I'll obviously try and avoid, but it'll be nice inspiration to keep eating healthy. I live less than a mile from the beach, but the one I really like to go to is about 3 miles away by foot, so my day will be filled with running, swimming, and relaxing. Oh, what a treat. Anyhow, time to pretend I'm a normal person and get some rest. Thank you all for being so wonderful - you make this journey just that much better!

A short one today, I promise. Insomnia has hit again. Doesn't help when I get out of work at 1230, spend time with my roommate (who I oddly enough NEVER see) and visit my truckdriver friend that delivers at 3 am. Gotta keep reminding myself how important rest is during this weight loss journey/training. Didn't get a work out in today. Bummed. Woke up late, didn't realize the clock in my loft wasn't set for the time change, so I lost an hour there, then got a phone call from work saying I was supposed to work an hour earlier than I expected, losing another hour. So I had 4 minutes to get ready for work. Joy. Forgot to bring my gym bag, which I guess wasn't so bad since I wasn't supposed to run today. But I think running would have been better than me not doing anything. I should really ask my trainer about that. Not only that, but I was stuck in the office today, so I did not get to walk around as much as I'd hoped. My pedometer must not have been close enough to my hip today, because my last reading was around 3000 steps. Not all that impressive. But maybe with spending so much time in the office and not running that's accurate. I hope not. Eating today was really good though. I'm trying to figure out a calorie limit that's going to work well for me. It's one thing to eat healthy foods, but not eat so many healthy foods that it gets unhealthy. Amazing how quickly it all adds up. Tomorrow I HOPE to wake up early enough to get my things together, otherwise it could be another wasted day. I just can't let that happen though. I'll figure something out. I'm too determined to do this to waste my efforts on bad circumstances. I know that made no sense, but just something I had to say. Anyhow, time to enjoy my few hours of sleep allowed and make the best of my night. Tomorrow's going to be another fabulous day. Why? Cuz I say so. You are all amazing....

My, how fast 2 days go. Especially when you sleep through so much of them. That's right, I slept. Amazing, huh? The whole lack of liquor causing insomnia thing is sooo true, because Monday night I had a couple of glasses of wine and I slept like a baby, even passing out on my friend's couch after we had dinner. I woke up around 11 (slept there about an hour), then went out at 12 to see some friends. It was kind of funny being the sober one when they were all wasted and silly. Tuesday I did not wake up til 1 pm - latest I'd slept in in a while. Went for a run with the wanna-be trainer, which was actually not so bad, since we ran down the coast to my favorite beach and back. Went home after, took a nap, then went out to see some bands play. Drank quite a bit there, which was fun, but then I made the mistake of going home and doing my after-drinking eating. Amazing how you can justify cheesecake and ice cream when you're drunk. Just a reminder that I need to stay away from the alcohol during this whole process. I've set days where I'm going to allow myself to drink during this month, just 2 before the big party. One is for another show my friend is playing and another is during the wedding of a coworker. Not bad considering how much I used to drink (every day). I feel bad about last night though, so that may be enough to even avoid it those two days. I know it was enough to continue watching what I eat. I just cant have any more of those late night binges. I weight trained today, which as always was a treat. I don't feel sore at all though, which is amazing considering the intensity of what I've been doing. My trainer doesn't want me to run tomorrow, she wants me to mix up my cardio, which I know makes sense, but I've been so excited about my progress that I want to keep going. I know it's the right thing though, as I don't want to hit a plateau so early on. Think I'll either take a class at the gym or just do the bikes. We'll see. I really wish I had more floor space in my room to do my Windsor pilates. I love the challenge of that video, I just don't have the space to do the moves all the way through, so it's kind of pointless. I had an official weigh in with my trainer Monday also, which is the first one I've done with her. I've always tried to avoid them because I just didn't want her to know just how high my numbers were. It's not like she can't see it on me, but it's one of those things where if someone else doesn't know maybe it's just not true. I also asked her to not tell me the numbers, which may seem weird, but I would rather find out when I do my next weigh in with her what I used to weigh and (hopefully) see how much I've lost. Granted, I have an idea with my scale, but the gym scale is obviously more accurate, especially with the fat %. Am I weird for that? Probably. I've also given up on the boy I wanted to take to the party. His band played last night, first time I'd seen them, and we talked after the show for a little while and I just wasn't feeling it. May have had something to do with the fact that my ex was there and we've had a few weird moments lately. See, we dated about 2 years ago, for a short time, just 6 months. We broke up basically when he decided he wasn't ready to get as serious as we were getting and just stopped talking to me. Real mature, huh? Well, the clincher is that we worked together, so I still saw him every day. It's been almost 2 years since, I hold no hard feelings, and I'm actually now his boss at another store. Recently he's been calling a lot and wanting to hang out and even apologized for how he treated me 2 years ago, saying it was a mistake and blah blah blah. It's nice in some ways, but at the same time I can't put my job at risk for someone so flighty. But anyhow, I was dealing with that last night and I think I even went up to my ex after a few whiskey diet cokes and said "I will not be your rebound!" (He recently broke up with another girl...who we also work with). Now I'm realizing I don't want to introduce someone new to my life while I'm going through this "health voyage," I need to just focus on myself right now. So I think I'm going to take a man I know I'd have fun with, even though he's 14 years my senior. I'm 24, he's 38. That's a whole different story for another night though. Right now I'm going to visit the bathroom for the 800th time tonight and try and get some rest. Best of luck to everyone!!!

SOOOOOOOO close!!! Close to what, you ask? Well, let's just take a quick gander at my day. I was unable to fall asleep until after 3 am this morning, then had to drag my grumpy ass to work at 5 am. I aged 20 years in that hour of sleep. Bags and sags and bloodshot eyes aside, not too bad a day. I think my body is actually going through withdrawls from my lack of nightly drinking. It's punishing me with giving me the hangover without the fun that caused it. So I got off work at 3 and met up with a girl that wanted to work out with me today. Little did I realize, she wanted to play trainer and show me some new weight lifting exercises. Normally not a bad thing, but I train tomorrow and my trainer happened to be there and I think it looked really bad having me there lifting with someone else who looked like they were training me on the side. Plus, it's just not good to work the same section 2 days in a row and I know my trainer is going to whip my butt tomorrow. Only cuz I asked her to of course. Plus I was a little annoyed that this girl thought I'd need her to take over my workout and show me what to do. Just cuz she's more in shape doesn't mean I NEED her to workout with me. Anyhow, the exciting part. I finally made it to the treadmill. I was ready. I warmed up with her chatting next to me, then after I couldn't stand it anymore I gave the look, whipped on the headphones, and went into a zone. And you know what? I outran her. Not only that, but I ran 4 1/2 miles!!!!!!! That's what I was close to. About half way through, I looked down and saw how far I had gone and in my excitement decided to go for a full 5. I've NEVER ran 5 miles in my life. I've never even walked 5 miles in my life (I don't count the drunk walks home from the bars where I get lost and wander for hours). About mile 4, however, the hour "sleep" kicked in and I got really dizzy. Instead of pushing myself the full mile I slowed down for the last half and told myself to be happy with what I did accomplish rather than be bummed about what I did not accomplish. Keep in mind my last run on the treadmill was a heart-stopping 2 miles. Ah, I remember just 4 months ago even thinking my trainer was crazy for asking me to run for 8 minutes. And now look at me. Wow, at this rate I'll be running a marathon by 2006!! Okay, so I aim for a LOT sooner than that, which seems a lot more likely today with this accomplishment. Pedometer count today (without the run) - 11220 steps so far, 4.03 miles, 796 calories. Not bad. Of course that was lower than it should have today because the second I got home I stripped out of my sweat soaked clothes and crashed on the couch. Oh, funny story with that, then I'll stop my rapidly moving fingers for the night. I woke up randomly, looked at the clock, and saw 05:11. I freaked out because I have to work at 4 am, I am the opening manager, and I'm late. People waiting for me outside the store to get in, trucks I need to unload, lots to do. So I grab my cell phone to call one of the employees and when I went to dial, looked at the time and saw 11:51. My alarm clock just happened to be upside down when I looked. Knucklehead. Now I'm awake, unable to sleep, and work in 2 hours. Could be worse, I guess. Oh, steps for yesterday : 11705 (I was office bitch yesterday, so not much walking), 4.42 miles, 772 calories. I love my new obsession. Best wishes to all!!! Oh, and after tomorrow I'll have the next few days off to read the wonderful diaries out there and comment. You are all the best!!

Cheater! That's what I am. Despite my promise not to weigh myself except on the 1st or 15th of each month, I weighed myself yesterday. On the plus side, I was 3 pounds lighter than what I have listed here, but on the down side, even knowing it was most likely water/early morning (ha! at 1 pm when I finally woke up) weight it made me justify the steak dinner bought for me during my lunch break at work. I really didn't want it, but I'm a sucker for free things and knowing that the meal was worth $25 and purchased for me I didn't know what else to do. Fortunately, it was only $25 because of the place it came from rather than the amount of food, so all I really ate was about a cup of garlic mashed potatoes, the steak, and some of the steamed vegetables (they were pretty gross - a mix, of course, of all my least favorite veggies). This was around 6 pm and I worked until 12:30am. Had a banana and protein bar for breakfast and a cup of low fat chicken salad/piece of fruit around 9, so all in all I guess it really wasn't too bad. I walked a fantastic total of 15,283 steps yesterday, amazing seeing as both my attempts at working out were failures. I hate making excuses, but my morning workout turned into me waking up with 1/2 hour to get ready for work - these late nights have led to some late "mornings," especially with my newfound discovery of sleep - and my lunch workout was cancelled becaues I was unable to leave the store due to the other manager not coming in that night. However, I did manage a walk at 1 am while my drunk friends went on a beer run. I, of course, was good (read: feeling too guilty about the steak to drink). Wow, how my typing mind wanders. Anyhow, that equaled 5.78 miles, 3.05 hours, and 1043 calories. A few of you asked about the wonderful pedometer that is now permanently attached to my hip. I bought it at Sportmart for $25. I program in my weight and stride length, attach the pedometer to my pants at the hip, and just go on with my day. It measures all day, recording the steps you take (both walking and jogging), and gives you the information I gave you earlier. There are a TON of different pedometers out there (and you can find them at any big sport store, online, and hey, even the Targets/Kmarts/Walmarts of the world have them). They range in price from about $14-$200. The biggest advice I can give you in looking for one is to not get one with a flip-up screen. It seems like a great idea, but when you're running or walking around you don't really want to fuss with flipping up a screen to figure out where you are on the pedometer. Just a big old pain in the butt. I have the Tracer Sports Pedometer. Nothing fancy, but satisfies my obsession. That's all that matters, right? =) I think if I drink any more water tonight it's literally going to just go right through me. Sorry for the visual, but my goodness. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and commenting. I feel awful that I haven't commented on all of yours, but it's taking so long to read and catch up on everyone and, well, I had to promise myself I wouldn't spend more time on the computer today than I do working out. Give me a month and I'll know who is doing what and how, when and why. And hopefully be a few pounds lighter, a couple shades darker, and eager about my company shin-dig. Best of luck to you all!!!!

Oh my jebus. I just finished writing my massive entry, went to update it, and lost it all. Arg. Let's see if I can remember what I wrote... Funny how my thighs are as thick as lots of girl's waists. Well, not really funny, but amazing to think about. Did an unofficial measuring today, with my sewing tape I've yet to use for sewing. The only positive part of all that is that my body fat % is at least 2% lower than it was a few weeks ago. Weight stayed the same, which I'm sure is part of that whole fat lost/muscle gained thing. Did the pedometer thing the last couple of days also. Yesterday I was off of work and housesitting, so my only real activity was walking the dog - twice. With that I walked about 5500 steps, equivalent to 2.09 miles and 375 calories burned. I planned on going to the gym at 10 pm after housesitting, only to notice when I walked out the door that it was 11 and the gym had just closed. The clock I was using hadn't been changed yet from the time change. Damn. So today I went running twice, once before work and once during my lunch. Averaged about 1.5-2 miles each time, not super fantastic but I only had a half hour each time. Gotta do with what time allows. I also had the pedometer going all day, but of course with an hour left of work I accidently leaned a crate against it and reset the whole thing. Doh! The last I checked it was over 11000 steps. Since it reset, about 3 hours ago, it's at 1100 steps, about half a mile, 66 calories, and 16 minutes of walking. I really wish I had the actual numbers. Hopefully tomorrow I'll be able to get a whole days worth of pedometer measurements. I'd like to see what I average so I can set a goal of how to raise my daily numbers. I was originally going to shoot for 10000 steps, but seems I already surpass that on an average work day. My eating went really well today too. It really, really helps to write everything down - calories, protein, carbs, fat. I averaged 1800 each of the last few days, and that's with eating the "good" foods - chicken, veggies, fruit, nuts, etc. Who knows how much I was taking in before. Almost scary to think about it. It really helps you not cheat too, because if you cheat you technically should write it down, and that's not something you want to see on paper, and if you don't write it down, you're double cheating yourself and what's the point of doing it in the first place? My trainer wants to see my food diary every week to assess what I eat, so we'll see on Monday what she thinks so far. My legs are so sore as I write this! I love how involved everyone is getting with my training. See, instead of saying, "hey everyone, i'm dieting and working out," I've told them that I'm training to run a marathon, explaining it may take over a year to get to that level. Once I get to my goal fitness level and am able to run a marathon, I'm going to either Hawaii or Boston to do so. My roommate wants to go running with me tomorrow and people at work are always asking how I'm doing. Once girl even told me today that she could really tell I've been working out a lot. Nice thing to hear. Hopefully if I keep up the good eating I'll be able to show even more of a difference. I already feel fantastic though. There's something about being able to run 2 miles when less than 4 months ago I couldn't run down the block or go up my flight of stairs without being seriously out of breath. My goal for the next month - mile 3. I'm telling you folks - if you can, get a good trainer!! Anyhow, I think I've remembered enough of the babble to make my daily mark. If I wake up early enough tomorrow I'm gonna see that boy at work (he works at the same store, different location) and work up the courage to ask him to the party. And if I'm feeling just too yellow tomorrow, I still have 5 more weeks. Wish me luck!!!! much love.

In response to the question on my wheat allergy/sensitivity... Well, as I said in my entry, a few years back I gained 30 pounds in the course of a year. Maybe even less than a year. I was a strict vegan at the time and was moderately active, so I had no idea what was going on. I also had one of those lingering coughs, which everyone assumed was due to smoking, but my throat just itched too much for it to be that. The coughing was on and off for several years before that, every time I'd get it looked at I got some antibiotic and went on my merry way. As the coughing got really bad, so did the body itching. It started with my feet, then moved EVERYWHERE. Hives just randomly started showing up. Huge, gigantic hives. I had actually starting dating someone at that point and seriously thought I was allergic to something about him - his soap? I was also always tired, felt bloated. Then the worst came - my lips would just randomly start swelling up. Looked like someone punched me in the face over and over again. Randomly. In class, at work, out with friends. It was awful. So I saw a doctor. And another one. Finally someone was smart enough to realize it was an allergy, though to what, no one knew. So instead of finding out what it was, I got prescribed Zyrtec to alleviate the breakouts. Well, that just made me really really tired, not good for a graduating college senior trying to get through the last few classes. So I took it upon myself to figure out what it was. I went on a strict fish and rice diet for 2 weeks (uggg. try having fish for breakfast). I had to do that long enough to get everything out of my system. Sure enough, the hives went away and the lingering coughing ceased. Each week after that I was allowed to add a new food to my diet. After a couple weeks wheat products were added and BAM! the itchy throat and feet. That's when I knew. However, eliminating wheat is not easy for a girl who grew up eating slices and slices of bread just like her mom. So I minimized it. I only recently realized it has also attributed to the weight problem. Last month I went on a camping trip with a good friend. He brought the food. Bagels, sandwiches, beer. I figured a week of that wouldn't kill me, so I didn't think twice. Even after a week of hiking and swimming I managed to come home from the trip with an 8 pound weight GAIN. 8 pounds in a week!! So, alas, my new struggle on top of everything else is to figure out an eating plan that does not include the yummy things everyone else gets to eat without feeling like I'm on the Atkin's plan. I just can't say I'll have a little here and there. I've done that since I discovered the allergy and even with running and lifting 5+ times a week not a single pound dropped. So there it goes, bye bye. Today has been good so far. I just discovered the wonderfulness of the pedometer. It's great. I program it with my information, clip it to my waist, and it counts the number of steps I take. The next few days I plan to just track what I walk/run in a normal day, then figure out how to bring it up a notch. It even has a calorie counter! Fantastic. Nice $25 investment, I think. I'm such an equipment junkie. I also have my handy dandy food diary my trainer gave me. I agree with everyone that's written this so far - if you can fit a trainer into your budget, do it! I just switched the money I spent on drinking with my friends and late night food runs after last call for my trainer. Two birds, one stone. And if you can't, at least ask for a food diary at a gym. I'm not talking about a spiral notepad you jot yourself. One actually meant as a food/workout diary. They're fabulous. Anyhow, time to walk the dog and go for a swim. Housesitting really isn't so bad. Best wishes to all..... BTW, official weigh in tomorrow when I am home...

I must say, I glanced at a few entries before I started to write my own. A few really reflected my life in the last few years, the constant up and down struggle associated with weight loss. Others really inspired me and showed that real people make it. Most importantly it showed that weight loss TAKES TIME, it's not automatic. I plan to take from one the notion of weighing in only twice a month. I'll have to do that Thursday morning when I go back home. I'm somewhere up around 230 though, a 50 pound weight gain in the last 6 years. Two years ago I gained 30 of those pounds in one year, though I hadn't made any changes to my lifestyle. Turns out I have a sensitivity to wheat products, which only kicked in in the last few years and is a main factor to my weight problem. Still, even knowing what the main culprit is, I have not made changes enough to stop it. I've even been seeing a trainer for the last 5 months with no change. I made it down to 220 a couple of months ago, but got comfortable again and gained it all back. Such is the story. So my ultimate goal is to make it down to 150 pounds. That will take quite some time, I understand, so I just need to make smaller goals. My first is to get under 200 pounds. Wow, I never thought I'd weigh enough to actually have to make that a goal. How am I going to do this? Through the food control I know all about yet have never had the strength to follow. Eliminate wheat. My trainer has me filling out a daily food diary/exercise tracker more detailed than anything I've ever seen. Seeing my trainer twice a week for the next 2 months, and cardio the rest of the days. I've recently taken up running and actually go during my lunch breaks at work. My goal is to keep doing that and go after or before work as well. My work schedule makes things kind of difficult though. 50+ hours a week, scheduled anywhere from 3am til midnight. Some days I have 8 hours between my 10 hour shifts. Makes it difficult sometimes to squeeze in a real workout. But I'm determined. I want to run a marathon. My goal is to run one next year, either the Boston Marathon or one in Hawaii. I know this is crazy, but I also bought a bottle of Ephedrine Free Trim Spa today. Just curious to see if it will supplement what I'm doing and maybe do a little jump start into my program. I have a huge company party in 38 days. There's someone I really want to take, but I need the confidence boost before I ask him. It's almost like prom, which I did not enjoy in high school due to my self esteem issues with my weight. Another goal is to not spend more time writing in this journal or my food diary than I do working out. That would just be silly.