waist -1 inch, thighs -1 inch, upper arm -.5 inch, chest +1 inch.

no pounds lost.

i'm sorry that i haven't been in here very much. i needed to let go though. i get caught up in sitting here in front of the computer and it's bad for me. it's one of my excuses at times for not exercising too. as far as how things are going, i'm losing weight now finally. a couple of girls at work that are overweight told me about a pill that was working for them. i was sceptical since i've taken so many others. this one is working so far, though. we'll see what happens. i'll know it's a good pill when i get down to 150. anyhow, i've lost 10 pounds from what i got myself back up to,(my body is beginning to look like a deflated balloon from the yo-yo weight loss). this time i think i can hold onto the weight loss. no extreme measures. i'm not really even trying to lose right now. it's an awesome feeling. i WILL be skinny. i WILL be skinny.

much love to all of you.

lose lots of pounds.......

flutterby

my chest has went from 39 to 37, my waist has went from 34 to 33.5, my hips has went from 41 to 40.5, my thigh has stayed the same size, my upper arm has went from 13.4 to 13. my body fat has decreased from 34% to 33%. my weight has currently gone up 1 1/2 lbs.

my exercise routine currently consists of running 2 1/2 miles three times a week, two more days of my choice of cardio (20 minutes), and three days of weight lifting mainly focusing on the trouble spots; arms, stomach, butt. my diet is whatever i choose to eat, although i'm trying to eat healthy. my goal is to eat low saturated fat, high fiber, and nutrient rich foods. i snack on cereal when i want something sweet, and i've tried to give up on mayo and cheese. i've also switched to skim milk. i drink a 16 oz glass of it every day along with my vitamins. the vitamins and the milk combined seem to take the edge off of my hunger. i take creatine with one glass of juice before i go to work out. i don't eat ANYTHING before any of my cardio routines. it seems to help the fat melt off.

i have to say that i'm so glad my toe is healed. i feel sorry for anyone who can't exercise or that doesn't yet know how good it feels to do it. it hurts for the first month, but then it begins to feel good. you become dependent on it. and a diet really doesn't work (unless you fast) without a workout routine.

i'll only be checking in every now and then. i'm very busy and i have a hard time keeping up on everything going on. i hope everyone is doing well themselves. my husband did get another job finally. he'll be making about the same, so it won't matter so much that he lost the last one. it's actually somewhat of a blessing for all of the sacrifices he had to make for the last one.

i'll check in again when i see more improvement. it's been a month and i've only seen what i have. my genetics are definitely not working for me.

have a wonderful day. lose lots of pounds out there!

*flutterby

DIET LOG

1 chicken leg with skin removed - 200 cal

2 eggs - 140 cal

2 tortillas - 220 cal

ketchup - 30 cal

1 cup chocolate pudding - 220 cal (not including milk)

1 can macaroni and beef - 450 cal

1 can vegetable soup - 225 cal

1 cup cheerios - 110 cal

TOTAL CALORIES ----1595----

EXERCISE LOG

walk on treadmill for 10 min @ 3.2 - 45 cal

run walk 2 miles for 25:00 @ 5.0 - 210 cal

stairclimber 8 min @ level 3 - 55 cal

walk 5 min @ 3.0 - 20 cal

TOTAL EXPENDITURE ----330----

EQUALS =====1265 CALORIES!!!!

GOAL MET!!!

(GOAL 1300 CALORIES)

LIQUID LOG

vitamins omega 3 - 20 cal

coffee - 40 cal

juice - 140 cal

milk - 160 cal

TOTAL CALORIES ----380----

(GOAL 400 CALORIES)

well, i've been on my new diet for about two and a half weeks now. i haven't lost a pound. i guess i need to cut down the calories that i allow myself. i didn't think i was consuming too many, but the scale doesn't lie. i'm not keeping track of my liquid calories officially, but i guess i consume about 400 calories in liquids. that puts me at 1800 calories a day. then i add all of my workout calories to the 1400 i allow myself. i usually burn 300 calories, so overall i eat 2100 calories. but i also weight 190 lbs! i thoughtt hat was a good diet. slow loss. guess i thought wrong. i know my metabolism is slow. fitday says i burn 2800 calories a day. i need to find a different website to do my calculations on. i thought about putting myself down as sedentary, but i'm on my feet half the night. i didn't put my activity as too much. one step up from being a professional couch potato. oh well. back to the drawing board.

*flutterby

well, it's been pretty good lately. my husband is still unemplyoed, but i'm dealing with it well and so is he.

as far as my health is concerned, i've been doing well with exercise, but i'm not quite sure about my diet. i'm at least tracking my calorie intake now. that way i can see what works. i can't seem to keep my calories the same from day to day. i'm not counting my liquid intake in my food diary. it may be a big mistake, but i don't drink soda unless it's diet and i use a sugar substitue with my drinks. we'll see what happens. right now i'm trying to keep my calorie intake at 1400 calories. it's not working. i understand a person could need more than that. my calorie expenditure is supposedly 2800 calories, and i know i'm not taking in 1400 calories in fluids. maybe 400. but like i said, i'm having a hard time keeping it at that level. i minus off any exercise i do, so exercise becomes a food reward. that could also be bad. with my plan i thought that i should be losing a pound each week. now to actually stick to it. argh.

as far as the exercise goes. i'm running three days a week. my toe still isn't healed. i hope that it heals while i run. i plan to increase the intensity slowly and according to what the doctor tells me. i'm also weight lifting three days a week. and then i do another two days of cardio of my choice. i haven't tried to coordinate my weight lifting into an actual workout plan as of yet. i'll get to that.

i actually seen my thigh muscle today while i was running (there's a mirrored wall). it was great. i'm seeing improvements already. i started out at a half mile run and i'm already up to 1 1/2 miles. i'm decreasing my time too. my current time is 19:30. not good enough for the military, but good enough for me ;)

i feel fatter though. is that possible? to work out hard and cut your calories and gain? i think maybe it's from my muscle retaining water. i could be wrong. i do know that muscle swells when you use it. it's a good sign when you're wanting to build muscle. i'd settle for weight loss.

ok that's it for now. it's all i have time for. everyone take care and get plenty of rest. getting less than 7 hours of sleep each night triggers weight gain. god bless!

*flutterby

i'm finding that i don't really have alot of time lately. sorry that i haven't been making the entries like i was before. i suppose that now that i can move around, i'm really moving.

they can't figure out what's wrong with me other than a prolapse uterus. it doesn't explain why i have a hormone imbalance. i'm not really worried about it as long as there aren't any tumors or irregular growths. thank you for those of you who have shown concern for me.

everyone have a good day. drink plenty of water, eat healthy (or at least stick to those diets), and keep your mind at peace.

*flutterby

well, another day. i pigged out yesterday. we had a cookout and relatives came over. i also got to see my brother that lives on the east coast. all in all it was a good day.

what i'm grateful for today. i'm grateful for the fact that i haven't actually gained any weight. i've kept about 10 pounds off since i started this. i wish it was recorded in here. i might not be losing but i can at least be thankful for the fact that it's not getting put on either. that's really the first step to losing weight, maintaining. i know it's also the last step.

ok, i have a busy day ahead of me today. everyone take care and have a beautiful day of blessings and inspirations. get out there and burn a couple of hundred calories!!! it makes a difference!

*flutterby

i'm frustrated. i'm crabby.

my gym isn't open until it's time for me to go to work today, so i can't go today. and i worked a double friday night, so it messed me up for friday and saturday working out. i'll have to remember that. do my double on saturday night instead. i realized that i messed up on my workout program that i built. i forgot the gym won't be available on sundays. so i have SOMETHING to do today.

did i forget to write what i was grateful for the other day?? i think i did!! oh wow.

ok, what i'm grateful for today is........my car. it's been a good car. it runs reliably the majority of the time. and while i know it won't last forever, i know that for now it's gotten me several compliments. one person got into it and said how he couldn't afford a fancy car like mine. other people have commented on how sporty it looks, yet it's large enough for the family. it was a mere accident. and although i wasn't looking for any compliments or such, i do appreciate them. it's wonderful on top of the fact that it's a good car. i hope it's a good car for at least a couple more years. i need it.lol.

i know that my positive attitude fades in and out. it's because i have to be strong here at home. it's hard to be strong everywhere. especially in my diary. i'm really doing ok though. i fight off the negativity. my husband put in for unemployment and fortunately we don't have alot of debt. it's all going to be fine, and i know it. now i just have to wait to see if he gets this other job next week. he's been promised it, but i'm not counting anything that's not in my hand, (or his work history);).

don't give up on your diets no matter what happens in your life. your finances will change from month to month, your love life will have dips and valleys, your weight doesn't have to. control the one area of your life that you can. i'm learning to change the way i treat food along with my diet. i have little rituals that i'm trying to bust out of. #1 inhaling my food. so i take a spoonful of food, and then i try to make four bites out of it. it turms me into a taste tester rather than a hog. #2 raiding the cabinets and fridge for no reason. so i try to keep my eyes on the juices and water. i make myself get a cup of hot tea or coffee. anything to keep me from saying....oooh! #3 snacking. this is a big one. only eat when you're sitting down!! #4 not being able to sit down when i'm really hungry to eat,(lol). i carry a small bag of pretzel pieces in my pocket so that if i get really hungry i can pull them out. i try to do it when noone's around since they tend to look at you funny. then you have no excuse to eat that donut, and you won't be craving what's in your pocket if you carry the same thing everyday. i have more. the point is whatever is holding you up, plan ahead. find a way to stop it from happening. and believe it or not there is a way.

everyone have a good day. be careful over the holiday weekend. more people die in stupid accidents over holidays than any other time. talk to you all soon.

*flutterby

i worked a double last night. it wasn't so bad. i don't want to work another one for awhile though. i did get my workout program made out while i was there (there's not alot going on when you work third shift). it'll work if i stick to it. i like to train too hard. that's my biggest downfall. it's nothing for me to train for two or three HOURS.i have to get away from that. i end up overtraining my body, and then i don't see many results because of it. an hour should be more than enough. a trainer once said that if you can't get it done in a short period of time, then my body wasn't meant to complete it. i end up hurting myself. i don't train light over a longer period of time either. i know two body builders and two ex body builders. you'd think i'd learn this lesson. really.....i know everything i need to do. i just don't do it. i know what kind of diet they eat to gain muscle mass and get their body fat percentages down to nothing. i know all of the supplements they consider to work. i know how they train their bodies. i know how many hours they need for different muscle groups to heal. i just don't listen. i really don't want to be a body builder, but alot of the principles that they use i could find useful also. i bulked up my body the last time i lifted. i've recently found out how to sculpt my body by "fooling the eye". so it's on. i need to show discipline, trust these wise men, and do it the way it's meant to be done.

everything else is sort of in flux right now. i guess i'm doing OK on the new diet. i'm holding 187. that's a start.

everyone have a good day today. lose lots of pounds and god bless!!

*flutterby

OK, so i'm not doing too bad today. friends and relatives are helping us to find my husband a new job. it's looking very promising. as a matter of fact, it's looking even better than it did before. my mother always told me to never count your chickens until they hatch. i'm really trying not to.

i decided today that my life isn't crazy enough. i'm going to keep a food journal on here in the private sector. i may introduce it some other time if it actually is good. today i had about 1700 calories not including the drinks i had. i don't drink soda, only coffee and tea with sweetener. i also worked out for an hour again today. it feels so good to be back in the gym. i've gotten out of shape the past two months.

everyone have a good night and good luck with the dieting.

*flutterby

i broke my fast today. i just couldn't do it. too much stress. it's supposed to be a time of peace. some people can NOT eat when they're stressed. i wish i could be one of those. wish i could have also been a different person than the one that ate the cookies and ice cream that i did today.

i did go back to the gym. i don't know how i mustered the money in this time of my life. i suppose that it was an absolute necessity so that i don't go insane. i walked on the treadmill for 50 minutes (since my toe is still technically broken), i did the stairclimber for 7 minutes at level 3, and i did the sit up machine until i couldn't do any more, with a 20lb weight on it. not too shabby i guess. i'm going to try to go in again tomorrow before i go to work, but i have testing for my pituitary gland to get done at 8:00am. we'll see.

my husband was just told that he could receive a letter of recommendation from his work if he needed one....isn't that messed up? it's a corporation and he was fired because of a technicality with their policy. i don't want to go into it. it's just really messed up is all. nothing to do with his job performance though. maybe he'll be able to land himself back into another management position soon.

everyone have a good night. maybe i will, if i can get my head out of my butt and the fork out of my mouth. :P

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 3

another day. my husband lost his job yesterday. it came as a blow. he makes more money than i do in a month. so it was more than half of our income. but i'm going to make it through this. food is definitely a friend that i need to deny. it helps me through the tough times. i'm realizing this more and more. i have to find other ways, more appropriate ways, to deal with the normal setbacks of life. i also need to find ways to deal with the major setbacks. i wanted to go back to smoking yesterday. i didn't. i can't afford it anyhow.....lol.

what i'm grateful for today:

second chances. the fact that you can always try again. you're never a loser until you give up or die. it's a wonderful life. no, i wasn't referring to that movie, but now that i think about it, it makes sense. you can sit around and think about how useless your life has been. all of the failures that have happened because of you. OR, you can think about all of the ways that you've affected other people's lives in a positive way. all of the people that would miss you if you were gone or to give up hope in your own life. i think that everything happens for a reason. sometimes it's just a bit hard to see the reasoning behind it right away. it may be ten years down the road and you might think, "ah. i see it now". it may never dawn on you why. it may not be meant to be known by you. but everything happens for a reason. i believe that.

everyone have a good day and take care. i realize that there's been some rough weather over the area. anyone who lives in my area take care of yourselves please. there's been alot of tornados and such. one just ripped through the town where one of my close girlfriends live. fortunately all she lost was her power. others lost their lives. just a thought going out to all of you to be safe.

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 2

well, yesterday was ok. if i can make it through today i'll be alright. i made it through yesterday by drinking alot of hot tea. i also had some coffee too. i still had a headache. something that did stick on the last fast were my measurements. i don't know what i actually gained back, but it wasn't fat. if it was it had to be in the areas that i don't measure, which would be my arms or my calves. everything else is fair game. i think i'll start measuring my arms too, come to think of it.

statistics: height 5' 7", weight 189, chest 39", waist 34", hips 41", thigh 24", upper arm 13.4", body fat 32%.

i'll be going back to the gym before the end of this fast also. that should make my results even better.

so far i'm trying to drink as little juice possible. i've been drinking more tea than i have juice. when i do drink juice, i dilute it with distilled water.

i don't think i said what was going on with my health. now the doctor thinks my pituitary gland isn't working right. if it's not, it gives me a chance to up my metabolism with medication. i honestly believe that the majority of us do have a slow metabolism along with hormone imbalances. i believe that it goes far beyond just eating too much. i believe there's a reason for it for EVERYONE. i just don't choose to use it as an excuse and give up. i know my metabolism is shot. my resting temperature is 97.8, when it should be 98.7. but i'll be in the gym working out. my body fat is over the ideal by 10%. but i've taken pride in keeping it at 33% before. and with or without medication i'll get it down to 22%. i'm going to do it this time. i'm sure of it.

what i'm grateful for:

music. it makes me move when nothing else motivates me. it soothes the heart, and makes the blood flow. and with such a variety i never get bored. i really do love music. it also makes me think about things that i otherwise wouldn't. it brings back memories. it helps me get to work. and it helps me get through tougher days.

everyone have a wonderful day. be good to yourselves. be great to yourselves. lose lots of pounds and gain plenty of knowledge. love yourself. god bless.

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 1

sorry that i haven't made an entry as of late. my computer had a problem with it and i had to fix it. then i had to work overtime. but here i am, fresh and new!

i decided to go ahead and fast. i figure i should be able to get my 10 days in this time. i've been paying attention to how overtime is going. i went ahead and worked saturday over so that i'd have plenty of days between here and there. maybe i'll get away with it this time.

i'm already having a hard time fasting. i went into the shop for my car because i have an oil leak. i got an estimate and they still haven't found the oil leak!!! the steering fluid is also leaking and it's going to cost me 700.00!!! argh. then i have to wait for the oil price. who knows, maybe i'll just need a NEW MOTOR!!! grrr. anyhow, my relationship with food is rearing its ugly head at me. i'm realizing just how lonely i can be without food. i've never had a major setback during a fast. but this is what happens to me. these feelings. then i end up in the fridge, poking around to see what i can pig out on. i always feel so much better once i eat. but it's an empty feeling the next day. just like a relationship, you have to constantly be reassured and feel the euphoric feeling that it delivers. which also makes me FAT. THAT won't solve my vehicle dilemma. day one. it's going to be interesting.

almost forgot to say what i'm grateful for today. this is going to be hard. maybe it'll stop me from wanting to binge. here goes....

i'm grateful for air conditioning. because it makes your room feel wonderful when the outside world is unbearable. without it we'd sit on our duffs for most of the day until late into the night when we'd have to take an emergency bath just to cool off. then it's horrible to try to sleep. been there. yes, air conditioning. one of the greatest creations ever. hehe. at least i found something.

i'm not putting my weight in here again until it drops. i don't care if i get up to 250 lbs. it's not going to be in here. it's too frustrating for me to see.

i hate the way that everything else can be so wonderful, but your diet can be so horrible. yesterday was so productive for me. today feels like a ton of bricks because my diet has been a losing battle. i just want to scream sometimes. like there's not enough in the world to worry about. then you have to worry about what's going in your mouth 24-7. not to mention you have to pay attention to how much movement is going on, and if there's not enough, then you have to find ways to make your heart beat really fast until you're just about to fall over. then you have to STAY at that pace for another 30 minutes. people call it fit when you struggle and sacrifice for a year to two years with exercise that makes your heart feel like it's going to beat out of your chest and food that's not quite filling, ever.....lol. oooh, the negativity that's coming out of me this morning. these are the kind of moods that allow me to binge. i'm not doing it this morning. nope. i love to exercise. i think i'm just bitter because i can't afford to go back to the gym right now. i'm going to have to resort to my fitness tapes at home. but i can do it. the kids are in school, my husband won't be home until lunch, and the door's locked. i'm not answering the phone either. i'm not giving up. i'm just not, simple.

ok, i need to find something positive the be thankful for. today i am thankful for:

birds. and honeysuckle. and warm weather. i love spring. i love summer. the things that families can do are endless. i guess i'm trying to say that i'm greatful for nature. the complexity of things. yet they're so simple and pleasant. the smells of flowers and the sounds of the animals. even a sea shell is complex and beautiful. i have a great back yard too. i live in town, but it looks like it's in the country. the fence is grown up with various vines and bushes, and there's trees everywhere. i have honeysuckle, gooseberries, some other edible berries, grapes, and flowering trees and bushes. it's really something. i was out there yesterday admiring how beautiful it was. and it's not organized. it's very natural.

ok, i have to get moving. i need to get a bath, get my list of things done, and do some aerobics if i can motivate myself. if nothing else, i'll at least clean my house. that's better than nothing. ;)

everyone have a marvelous day and lose lots of pounds!

*flutterby

wow! i've gotten alot done today. i hired someone to bring some mulch over and to clean my roof off from all of the leaves. i got my "weed" garden under control again. i feel like it was more than just some yard work. i feel like i got rid of the 'constipation' of my brain and things are beginning to move once again, although i'm now broke. i'm going to HAVE to motivate myself to move around the house, since i don't even have the 50.00 that i need to go back to the gym. oh well. it was either me or the house insurance....lol.

great day all in all. i'm feeling pretty happy....i suppose contented with life today. i wish it was like this every day. guess i need to work harder at it. good night all.

*flutterby

i'm going to say what i'm blessed for first. today, i feel blessed because i live in such a wonderful country. i hear about the fighting in other countries everyday and i know that my girls can wake up to a peaceful country. at the very least, to a country who's willing to sacrifice anything and everything for our freedom. we are also so very diverse. we have many cultures and beliefs in one place.you don't have to travel any farther than the local grocery store to see india's clothing or hear chinese being spoken beside you. even the poor have had great opporunities in their life. a man can take nothing and turn it into an empire here.

it's another day and my weight is still at 191. i really have to lay off the goodies. roxy said she didn't think i'd been eating more than just a nibble here and there (because she thinks i have control...lol). it's not true. yesterday was extremely horrible. i'm still eating salads though. not as many as i once did, but i'm eating them. i need to get with rawfoodist and see what she does to keep it from being so boring. i know there's much more to eating this way other than salads. i was reading her diary the other day. she really seems like she's got it under control.

i should find out what my hormones are doing today. that's what i was told by the person who was drawing blood. i'll probably call them instead of waiting for them to call, since i'm so impatient. i'm still working on that area of me.

everyone have a good day and take care of yourselves. remember there's only one life for us all to live. at the least go out and get some fresh air, listen to the birds singing, know that you're beautiful just like you are.

*flutterby

my weight is now back up to 191. i've been trying to ignore it for the most part. it's really getting under my skin.

it's not like i've been paying attention to what i eat. i eat whatever i want. i eat salads, but i've been eating whatever i'm craving. i thought that i'd use fasting as my way of losing weight, but i got a bit discouraged after my last fast. you're supposed to come off of it easy. in a healthy way. but here i was eating all sorts of things. i ruined most of the effects of the fast because i had to work over. so now i've been wondering if i'll get hit with more overtime the next time i fast. i have three choices to deal with this dilemma. one, i can do short fasts on my days off. two, i can take my chances and see what happens. or three, i can work some overtime and then request the time off that i need to do my fast (this will still be a short time of no more than four days at a time).

i have my navy testing coming up anyhow. i thought i'd fast next week, but i also need to train for the PRT. i'm probably going to fail. what to do. i may as well fast so that i can at least say that i lost some weight. they're not going to kick me out for failing, but it will look bad on me. bummer. this is what i will do. i will focus all of my attention on getting into shape. i may not be able to whip my body into complete shape in the next two weeks, but nevertheless it's still two weeks that i have. i can't fast AND build muscle. i'm not going to worry about my weight at all. i'll just try to eat healthy. i may even lose a couple of pounds. i've been doing fairly good at holding my weight without exercise. but i'm not going to worry about that. then after the PRT, i'll worry myself with my next fasting date. got a plan now i guess ;)

whatever happens, i need to get back into the gym. the doctor still hasn't released me, but i'm going back. i plan to go back tomorrow or friday. whichever day i have the money on. it never hurts to try. try i must, because the only failure in life is when you don't start. i'd rather not run at my fullest potential instead of giving up running at all.

the ultrasound came out with no visible problems. yeah. now i wait to see what the results of the blood testing and pap smear are. i should know about the blood test tomorrow. the pap smear will be about another week or so.

now, for the blessing in my life that i want to acknowledge today. i'm so very blessed to have my husband. we've been through some rough times. when it comes down to it, i know that he's going to love me unconditionally. he's a great father. he knows how to make me laugh (even when i don't want to). he has a rational mind when i'm about wishes and rainbows. he's the better half of me. he says i'm the better half of him too. i guess that means that we're at our best when we're together. he's kind and considerate to his friends. and i'm grateful that i can say he chose me. he sees good in me. and if he can see something good in me then it must exist, because he doesn't say anything nice about anyone unless he means it...lol. he likes the way that i look completely naked,(which is more than i can say for myself). he's just a really great guy.

everyone have a good day. thanks for all of the support from everyone here. lose lots of pounds!

*flutterby

i have a lot to do today. i need to run to the store, i have someone over to price a new window installation later, i have to make some phone calls to rearrange appointments, and a few other things before i go to work. it might get a little hairy around here. this will be short and sweet because of it.

the thing that i'm grateful for today is......

the fact that my mother has always been there for me. she always has a dollar if i'm broke, she always has food on the table for me if i'm hungry, and she always has a hug for me if i'm sad or i'm just in need of some love, (although she'll tell you that the hugs are really a selfish thing, lol).

everyone have a beautiful day and god bless.

*flutterby

i had my ultrasound done this morning. i also had bloodwork done to check my hormone levels. i asked the lady if she had found anything and she said nothing that should be causing the pain that i'm having. i thought....well, i can take that two ways. first, there's nothing there to worry about. second, there's something there to worry about, but nothing that would cause me pain. i'm hoping that she wasn't trying to beat around the bush with me. a plain yes or no would have sufficed. so now i wait until the results come in from the three tests that have been done. i'll probably know by no later than thursday. i hate waiting.

isn't it funny to think that in the blink of an eye your entire life can change? i mean, i can go on thinking about how horrible it is to live life fat. i can complain about how people treat me, how my body is a traitor to me, and how miserable i feel when i look in the mirror. and then BAM! i could have cancer. i could have something so horrible that the thought of being overweight never crosses my mind ever again in this life. i'd watch my weight slowly slip away and wish that it didn't. the pain of being overweight would be replaced by the pain of dying, while my husband and children stand by and watch without being able to do anything about it. no new diet trends to live through. no grandchildren either. no wrinkles from old age. isn't that just amazing to think about? the fact that my life is so wonderful that all i have to worry about is my weight, the bills, the kids growing up, the retirement plan, the loss of a job, and everything else that normal people worry about. it's just beautiful when you think about it.

from now on i'm going to write something that i'm blessed by having in my life, everyday. i'm tired of worrying about things that don't really matter. all you have to do in this life is live and die. the rest is just stuff you decide is important enough to spend your time on. a midlife epiphany, i suppose.

and my one thing for today.... i'm grateful that i can wake up every day and see the smiles of my two beautiful daughters. i love to hear them laugh.

bless you all.

*flutterby

argh. it's been a good day. it's also been a very busy day. i went to several garage sales, even though i didn't really have the money to spend. i only spent 20.00. then i went to the store and put an entire bedroom suit on layaway! i thought i did pretty good considering that there were more things there that i wanted that i didn't get. we did need a new bedroom suit, although we also need a new window, the oil leak on the car fixed, and the muffler on the other car fixed. oh well, i guess we'll make it. i also needed to get back to the gym, and i needed to pay the 50.00 fee to get back in the door. i don't really think i have it anymore, since i went and put a down payment on the bedroom suit. i've been really thinking about taking out a loan. but i'm so tired of being in debt, and i have a hard time paying as much as i can (i want everything now). i need to change that about myself.

anyway, you all have a good day. i'll be checking in again soon.

*flutterby

well, i found another website that i feel helped me with dieting mentally. i don't know if it'll help me over time or not. i just like reading stuff that i find inspiring. here it is if you like various websites also.

http://livelight.home.att.net

i went ahead and started the fitday.com again. i figured that it doesn't make sense that i have plenty of time to obsess over my weight, dieting, and exercise, but then i don't have enough time to keep up on my statistics and keep up on a food diary. i lost a bit of weight when i was using it before. it could work again. it's a great website.

here's how the doctor went.....i'm scheduled for an ultrasound on monday, because of other problems i've been having. hopefully they don't find anything bad. i don't know the test results yet of my checkup. i should know by the middle of next week.

i suppose that's all for now. i'm doing ok. i wish i had lost a couple of pounds, but i haven't. i'm just working toward maintenance right now. i haven't been doing that bad in that area. everyone have a beautiful day!

*flutterby

i go today to see if i still have any traces of the beginnings of cancer. i had surgery last year around october. the doctor took a test afterwards and said it was still there. he said sometimes it takes a few months. so, now i need to go in and find out. i just know that it hasn't went away. i knew when it started, and i know that feeling hasn't went away. they say you can't feel those sorts of things. please, it's one of the most sensitive parts of my body. i also need to get into another doctor, because i don't think this one is giving me all of the attention that i need.

ok, as far as a diet today, i'm going to try moderation. i tried it yesterday too. it didn't work. i ended up eating chocolates and poppy seed muffins with icing.

gotta go. i just wanted to check in. everyone have a beautiful day and lose lots of pounds!

*flutterby

ok, today is going to be a good day. i think my toe is almost completely healed from the fast. i should be able to get back to the gym real soon. that makes me so happy.

i was reading a military book on diet and exercise, and it said that if you decrease your calories without exercise you won't lose weight. there will only be an initial decrease and then your body will adjust itself to the lack of calories (a plateau). so all of these places telling you that you should only cut your calories by 500 are full of it, unless they're also telling you that you need to work out. so, we either have to work out and cut our calories small, or sit on our butts and cut our calories HUGE. personally i like to exercise, so it's not a problem for me.

i'm ready to fast again already. i have more things i'd like to "fix" on me. i'm going to try to time it so that work doesn't interfere this time. although i may not get away with a fast longer than 10 days. it may not even be any longer than 7. i love fasting. i've decided that. it's such a great feeling after the initial 2 days. i'm sorry i keep talking about it. it's true. maybe this time i can lose weight and keep it off. i would have had a better chance if i would have broke my fast the correct way this last time. i don't weigh anyMORE. that's a plus.

ok, i'm getting out of here. take care everyone. lose lots of pounds!

*flutterby

if life required no effort, then it would offer no satisfaction. those who avoid effort also avoid accomplishment. If there was no need for commitment, there would be no experience of fulfillment. If there was no price to pay, there would be nothing to buy.

The ability to make a difference is one of life's greatest blessings. And that ability is expressed through effort. When you seek to make a real and substantial effort, what you'll end up with is a real and valuable achievement.

Meaningful efforts can be difficult and painful. Yet their burdens are more than outweighed by the value they create. When you see just the burdens, you're only seeing half the picture. In the burden of the effort is the value of the accomplishment.

Making the effort will extract the value. Keep that in mind and let each effort, though difficult, become a joy. Make the effort, make a difference, and you'll partake in the full richness of life.

SEE THE BEAUTY IN THE CHALLENGE!!!!!!

WHAT HAS COMMITMENT IN LIFE BLESSED YOU WITH ALREADY? BE BLESSED!!

i'm running behind on time this morning, but i figured i can at least make an entry. look at that weight <---- argh.

it's alright. it's going to have to be i guess. i could have went until i was 135 lbs if work didn't interrupt. i think i am a little peeved. THAT'S why i want to quit my work. it wouldn't be so bad if it gave me something to do or was the one thing i always wanted to be, but i feel like a slave to the job. i drag myself in every day, no matter how many other things i need to get done. things pile up on me. i get a vacation and get caught up on some housework. then i go back to work and watch it slowly become wasted time to have ever done anything around here. i know i'm not the only one to go through it. i constantly have to juggle. my kids don't get the hot meals, my husband doesn't hardly even see me, and i lose my hair. christmas programs go unattended. girl scout meetings get skipped because there's noone here to take them. that sort of thing. oh, and i get fatter and fatter. let's not forget that.

but see, i know i'm tougher than this. i've been working since the beginning of time, it seems. i know that i can lose this weight if i stick my mind to it. it's just going to take a little time and a whole lot of determination. i have to be tough. i have to be motivated. and i have to be focused..... FOCUS. that's a huge part of success in anything. i know that.

ok, gotta go. running behind. lose lots of pounds and take care of yourselves. bye girls (and guys too, i know you're out there).

*flutterby

here i am again. today has been very fruitful mentally. i have a clarity to me that i didn't have before this fast. a sense of happiness that wasn't this strong. i haven't felt this way since about april of last year. i feel myself slowly coming back. i haven't been wanting to do much of anything the past year,(not that i don't force myself to do it anyhow). i can't quite describe what's going on. i just feel like i'm getting the person i love back.

i did have one thing good come from my fast if nothing else. i'm not addicted to caffeine anymore. i've been doing my best to swear off coffee and only drink tea. i'm sure it's much better for you. if i can stick with it.....

i didn't get alot done today. i DID go and meet my mother for supper. something surprising happened. i told her that i broke my fast. i thought she'd be extremely happy. instead, she said that she had talked to my aunt, she also fasts(i didn't know). she said that my aunt told her that it helps her to feel better and that it's very good for you. apparently, she fasts regularly for a period of about 3 days. she's over 70 years old....lol. she's also healthier than my mom. she's usually the one to take care of my mom when i'm not around. my mom's a couple of years younger and she has several major health issues. more information to make me feel good about what i'm doing.

i have such motivation right now in my life. instead of my strength fading in and out from day to day, it seems to be becoming stronger everyday. i honestly think it's the fasting. i don't know what else would be doing it. i also have more patience. i give credit to not drinking coffee for that. all in all i feel good. now if i could just lose this weight.

ok, i need to go to bed. for some reason, i'm having a hard time sleeping. i think i'm almost over it. good night all. god bless every one of you.

*flutterby

well, it's the aftermath of the fast. unfortunately, i have gained back all of the weight quite quickly. i ended up working two days of overtime in a row, and my body couldn't handle it. it begged for food, and instead of denying myself i ate. and i didn't JUST eat healthy. that's the main thing that i'm upset about. otherwise i'd be doing much better right now.

but i'm not extremely upset. i fasted for five days. that's an accomplishment. i plan to go back on my fast either the 24th or the 25th (i have to see if i get the 24th off).now i know why they say it's best to keep yourself away from the outside world when you fast. i was feeling so good on saturday too. if i could have only came home and went to sleep....

ok, so i learned a valuable lesson. i'm not beating myself up over it. i just don't know how i'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again. i don't have any control over getting mandated for a shift. i don't have any time to take off right now either. this is why i think that if i didn't work, i wouldn't have a fat problem. work is making me fat!! hehe.

i did promise myself something recently. i can either take overtime pay or time when i work over like that. i promised myself that i wouldn't take pay anymore for working overtime, i'd only accept time. i did it. i took time the past couple of days. and instead of getting two days off i get three to make up for the overtime pay. i figure i might not be able to quit my job, but i can take off as much as possible. lol. it's not that i don't enjoy my job. i thought long and hard about quitting. i know that i can. but then i sacrifice the extra income in the house. i will also become bored once the girls are grown and out of the house. i'll want this job back. so, i've decided as much as i want to quit (and it's pretty strong at the moment), i won't. i just won't be greedy. i'll be there the least amount of time that i have to be. i can't be picky or take long vacations with the time i acquire, but i can get extra days off here and there. it'll help.

i feel better than i did when i started the fast. that's one of the reasons i did it. the weight is an extra that is definitely a plus. i'm already starting to swell though. i can feel it. if i could get to the gym i think that i'd have a better chance of keeping off the weight that i lose when fasting. it's been almost two months since i've worked out. i hate that.

ok, i guess i'm going to end it here. i may have lost the battle, but i haven't lost the war. each time i fight i get a little stronger and smarter. everyone have a wonderful day and take care. lose lots of pounds!

*flutterby

i broke my fast at 2:00 am this morning. it was too hard to work all night AND not have anything to eat. although, i don't really know if eating helped matters any. i was still tired and achy. i felt really strung out. at times i felt like passing out, even after i ate. better luck next time.

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 5

i woke up feeling a little awkward. my hands don't want to work with me. i've had problems with them before. i'm sure it'll go away and has nothing to do with the fasting. my back is hurting really bad. i'm starting to think that part of it is from our mattress. it's pretty old. i think we need a new one soon. i woke up with a dead fish taste in my mouth. that was strange and gross. i have a slight stopped up nose and my eyes aren't working as well as they should.

i haven't broke my fast as of yet. i don't really want to. my mother gave me such a hard time about doing this fast. she was scared i was going to kill myself. the only reason i told her about it was because she wanted to take us out to eat on monday. she was reminding me about how i have many people that love and depend on me. i thought it was kind of funny, but i know she's going to give me a hard time come monday. then there's the 16 hour shift i have to work tonight. i'm worried that i might push myself too far. i always need alot of rest when i fast. but i don't have anything as of yet to break my fast. i'll take enough money with me tonight, just in case i need to break it on my lunch break. there's always someplace open where i work to grab a salad. i certainly don't have time today to shop. i won't have enough time tomorrow either. i might make it through the night. i slept late to prepare.

there won't be an entry tonight. probably not tomorrow either. all i'll be thinking about tomorrow when i come in is sleeping. so i'll make sure to keep track of when i break the fast if i do, and report on it later. i'll also report on how hard or easy it was to make it through a 16 hour shift, working through sleeping hours. i have a feeling it's not going to be all that easy. we'll see.

for anyone who's interested, i've lost 7 lbs from the beginning of this fast (one pound from when i first started the diary), and i've lost 5% of my body fat since i started the diary!! now i have 12% to go!!!! i'm more worried about my body fat than i am my weight, (a healthy body fat is between 18-23%). although, i've lost weight too. as anyone can see if you look back, my weight fluctuates so much that it's really just a pain to try to figure out. this is all without exercise.

everyone have a wonderful day and lose lots of pounds!!

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 4

you know, i wasn't reading any of the comments until after the fast, (just in case there were negative comments). something inside of me told me to go ahead and read them though. thank you all so much for your support! i was amazed. not that you all aren't supportive, but i thought that i may find more resistance. anyhow, thank you again.

i'm planning to end the fast early. i originally planned to do the fast for 10-14 days. but i have mother's day which my mom wants to take me out to eat on monday for, and i have next weekend with my girlfriend. i don't necessarily think i'll drink all that much, but it would be nice not to have people shoving drinks or food down my throat while i'm trying to do this. then i have a double shift i have to work tomorrow night. argh. i guess i should have planned better. and i'm doing extremely well so far.

ok, so here's the new plan. i'm going to resume my fast on the 25th which i KNOW i can do the full ten days on. i won't be able to do more than that, because i might have to run on my next drill weekend, and it will be coming up a couple of days after i end the fast. during the break in between i'll stick to my usual foods that i've been eating. salads, whole wheat breads, and NO meats. as a matter of fact, i think i may become a vegetarian. it's better for you. i'm going to try to cut down on my cheese also. i know it's artery clogging.

anyhow, i've been doing really well today. no problems. i've felt normal most of the night. i've actually been more awake than i normally am. if this is all i have to deal with on the 4th day, then i think i can handle my next fast, no problemo. bring it on, baby! my skin looks beautiful. all of the breakouts are gone and my skin has peeled down to a younger layer. oh, my back hurts. upper and not lower.

ok, i'm going to bed. you all have a wonderful evening. god bless. thank you again. you guys have touched my heart.

*flutterby

oh, and anyone trying to get rid of the caffeine habit out there, try a cup of hot black tea when the headaches come on. apparently it's not enough caffeine to keep you addicted, but it'll tame the headache. i learned that from experience!

FASTING: DAY 4

i woke up feeling like poo again this morning. it's already starting to fade away though. i'm still pretty warm. it could have something to do with the outside temperature going up. it was in the 80's yesterday compared to being in the 70's. ouch. i just bumped my elbow...lol. ..

i feel ok. i'm not hungry as of yet. my upper back is the only thing that's really giving me problems. just as long as it's not my kidneys (and trust me, i know the difference) i'm not worried. my husband bent down last night and told me what a beautiful face i have. i thought that was so sweet. it's not that he doesn't like the rest of me. he has just always said how beautiful my face is. my stomach has gotten a bit smaller. the fat is softening up too. that's usually a good sign. my throat was raw when i first woke up. i'm trying to drink some water to get rid of it.

ok, that's about it! maybe i'll have something great to talk about tonight when i come home from work. everyone have a great day and lose lots of pounds!!

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 3

well, almost the end to another day. i made it through again. it wasn't too bad. my stomach has been a bit grumbly tonight. i'm kind of surprised about it. not too hungry, because i passed up pizza tonight. that's one of my biggest weaknesses and i passed it up like it was nothing. my stomach has been hurting in a female sort of way. feels like PMS. it's not time for it. plus i usually only cramp like that when i've already started. i know you all wanted to hear that. maybe i'm getting healed in that area. lord knows i could use a boost with my sex drive....lol. i haven't really been aching anywhere other than my back. my legs don't hurt at all anymore. it'll come back as soon as i go back to food. that's what i hate. my rings are getting even looser. my skin has broke out a bit more. my tongue is covered in a funk. so are my teeth. i'm going to go brush them as soon as i get done with this. my breath has to stink. i've been in somewhat of a brain fog today. it's not really bad, but it's been coupled with sleepiness. i don't feel like my body has been cleansing itself very much today. maybe i'll cut back on the juice tomorrow. i realize that it's supposed to get easier as you go, but it feels too easy. have a wonderful night and god bless. *flutterby

FASTING: DAY 3

this morning isn't too bad. i slept like a rock last night. i woke up with a stopped up nose that took about an hour to go away. i also woke up a little bit achy, but not as bad as yesterday. i'm very warm. my system has kicked over into the reserves of my body now. i can feel it. i was feeling pretty bad by the time i made it to bed last night, i was dizzy. i felt drunk this morning. it was a very odd feeling. i didn't have this the last time i fasted. every fast is different i suppose. all in all, i don't know if i actually feel any better than the last time i fasted. it's supposed to get easier. i suppose i have less body aches. and the headaches aren't as bad (thanks to my consumption of tea). i'm sneezing like crazy this morning. it HAS to be allergies. they get worse every year. the fasting is supposed to be able to heal those too. i have the smell of perm chemicals in my nose. that's the weirdest thing. i'm coughing stuff up. i can't imagine all of the nasties inside of me. the swelling has went down so much that my rings won't stay on straight. that's annoying. i guess once i lose weight i'll have to have my rings resized. at least i won't have to make them bigger...lol. ok, i have to get around today. i feel much better in that area. today it's back to work. i should be able to do that no problem. i did it the last time. everyone have a good day. i'll try to report back tonight. god bless.

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 2

an overview of today. my throat is a bit scratchy. my breath is becoming worse. i ache here and there, but at the moment i'm not cold. my back hurts a bit. it's been hurting since i was a teenager off and on, so this is really just a gripe. nevertheless, i'm writing down everything. my eyes aren't focusing on words too well. i'm having a very hard time reading anything. my eyes are also kind of itchy. my face is breaking out badly. i guess the toxins are coming out already. i know that by the 5th day my skin should look pretty good. i'm very sleepy. it's my bedtime.

this is my last entry for this evening.

FASTING: DAY 2

evenings are horrible. i'm beginning to feel VERY hungry. i knew it would come. it has snuck up on me in earlier fasts. i'm feeling very crabby right now. there's a carnival in town, and i took my girls to it tonight. the funnel cakes were calling my name. it's one of my biggest weaknesses. the smell of that food.....mmmm. but i have to be strong! the satisfaction of fried, greasy, and sweet foods can only go so far. it's the satisfaction of accomplishment that truly feels wonderful. and for much longer than it takes to eat a corndog. god give me strength. god give us all strength.

* flutterby

FASTING: DAY 2

i'm feeling much better now. i need to go and buy some more lemons. i just used my last one. i'm much warmer than i was this morning. i'm still not hungry. i lost a pound since this morning. i've been drinking plenty of fluids, so i know it's not that. i find this whole thing completely amazing.

let me say that i'm NOT doing this as a primary purpose to lose weight. this is a very spiritual and healing experience for me. it helps me to slow down and self-reflect. the weight loss is great though. i can't deny it. ;) i figure after all of the bad things i've put in my body, i need this.

the swelling in my legs is beginning to go down. that's one of the first signs i noticed last time before the detoxification begins. my mind is already becoming clearer. i love that feeling. i'm very surprised that i'm not feeling hunger. i guess it will come later tonight. i can't get brave, because it WILL come to tempt me.

i'll make one more report before bed tonight. i'm going to try to make two everyday after this one. once in the morning and once at night. if anyone thinks that it's a bit much, it's for me. it will help me in fasts to come to have my fasting documented. i have my five day fast documented, but not in here. i plan to add it to my diary at some point, so that i don't lose that information.

take care all.

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 2

i woke up feeling like crap today. that's not unusual for me, though. all of my joints are aching. i'm going to go take a hot bath. it should take it away. i've also been having allergies the past few days. today i woke up with a stopped up nose again. it's not as bad as yesterday. i also have a headache. i knew i would. it's the caffeine withdrawal.

i don't feel much different as of yet. i'm not hungry this morning, but i know i'll be going nuts for food by the end of the day. if i make it through this day then i've made it pretty much,(not to say that there aren't other struggles when fasting, later in the process). overall, i still feel pretty strong about what i'm doing. i know that all of my willpower is going to leave me tonight. i think i'll have a back up plan of drinking some psyllium husk. it's good for my system and it should take away some of the cravings by filling me up. i'll have to see what happens.

i'm still cold. my main problem yesterday was keeping myself warm. i ended up taking two baths. the last one was just to get heat back into my bones. it worked. i had the heat in the house turned up to 80 and i still wasn't feeling warmer. i need another bath right now. it'll do me some good.

i'll check in again later. so far, so good. i can't wait for the healing to begin. i also can't wait for the weight loss to begin...lol. everyone take care. *flutterby

FASTING: DAY 1

it's almost the end of the day. i made it through everything except for the caffeine withdrawals. i ended up having a cup of tea(no additions). i guess it's not as bad as i could have done.

overall, i'm feeling quite well. i've been coughing stuff up from my lungs already. the last time i fasted i had quite a bit of stuff coming up, from when i used to smoke. i'm expecting it'll be pretty nasty again this time. that's good! it's time to heal from the inside out. tomorrow will be much harder. i'm trying to prepare myself for it. i know what happens at the end of the day when the smell of things are so vivid, and your craving for food is so great. one day at a time.

i figured out what i'll do about my girlfriend's visit coming up. the bars always have fruit juice. if not, i know they have water. i don't have to drink anything that i don't want to. i still just don't want to go hang out in a smokey bar all weekend. i really don't go to bars unless i'm getting together with my girlfriends. i know that we made plans to go horseback riding, so it's not all partying. still, i just hope that maybe i can turn the weekend around and make it more about visiting. it's her birthday we're going to be partying for. that makes it even harder to get away from. at least i can dodge the alchohol.....i hope.

i have plenty of things to keep me busy here. i'm watching a movie with my husband right now. better get back to him. you all have a wonderful evening and lose lots of pounds!!!

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 1

well, i made it to the store this morning. i bought some things from bath and body. hand soaps and massage oils. then i went to the book store and found two books that i thought might be helpful to me. one is titled "yoga for weight loss", and the other is titled "fitness for dummies". while i know how to be fit, i don't have alot of motivation. i also have a problem of wanting to overtrain according to what's going on in my life. there's alot in the book on various areas. i'll have to read it to see if it'll benefit me, but flipping through it gave me a good feeling that it'll be extremely helpful.

it's a great start to the day! there was a subway at the mall that kind of tripped me up as i walked through. the smell was so strong and good. i'm not hungry even. it's just that comfort that i guess i'm missing already. kind of funny, i suppose. i'll report back again at the end of the day.

*flutterby

FASTING: DAY 1

it's just the beginning of the day, so i don't really have anything to put in here. this is the easier of the first two days. i have both off from work, so i can log anything at any time if i choose. i may end up having several entries for the first couple of days. i've got plenty of water and juice. the plan is to drink about 72oz of juice and an unlimited supply of water each day. i may cut my juice intake after the second day. i wouldn't mind having a day where i drink only water according to how well i do with this fast. i feel ready for this fast.

i'm trying to figure out what i'm going to do about next weekend though. my girlfriend is wanting me to come and visit her, but it means two nights of partying. i can't drink right after a fast. i've told her i'd come. we'll have to see. this is more important to me, although both are important.

let's start the games!

*flutterby