Figured I'd drop in and update, it's been so long. I seem to be leveled off at 137 for the moment, which is more than I'd like, but OK for now.

Fortunately, my grandfather is doing better than his doctors expected and is now rehabilitating at a nice nursing facility. I really hope he'll be well enough to come home by the time the weather warms up. Unfortunately, our experience with the hospital he was in was NOT positive and overall it's been a difficult and exhausting two months. To a large extent he's now rehabilitating from the results of his hospital stay. I've had to take on a number of responsibilities but when you're taking care of someone you love dearly you find new reserves of strength (I guess that's how people are able to be parents). Spending lots of time with my grandfather has been great - he's easy-going and funny, even while hooked up to four machines in the ICU, and I'll be grateful for the time we've had when he's no longer here (which I hope doesn't happen for a long time).

Looking forward to the Spring!

Down a few pounds after what's been one of the worst weeks of my life. My grandfather has been in the ICU for the past 9 days and may not have long to live. It's amazing how easy it is to drop a couple pounds when you're miserable and how little it seems to matter. Trying to look for any bright spot I can right now - I'm back at a healthy BMI so that's good. It was one of my major goals and took a number of months to accomplish.

Well, I'm back...well-rested, well-fed, and a pound or so heavier. I should count my blessings as far as that's concerned, considering I indulged for the past two weeks and didn't keep my promise to myself to exercise. Hohum...Time to get back on the horse. Ate well the past couple days and went to the gym after work today. It's definitely easier for me to stay disciplined when I'm working a regular, but not crazy, schedule. If my schedule is crazy, I end up eating out too much and not exercising, but if I'm not working the temptation is too great to turn into a sloth, which unfortunately I suspect is my true natural state! I'm really going to try to keep a good balance in the coming weeks.

I've been lax with updating my diary and with diet and exercise the past couple weeks. It seems every couple of months I need to regroup and figure out what's not working. I was so overloaded with my final exam and project that I didn't have the energy to log on and type an entry. But that's over with for now. I do have one thing left to do tonight, I'm participating in a research study on energy trading set up by one of our professors, but it should be interesting and not that much work. Then I have the next 4 weeks off from classes and the next 2 weeks off from work! Yay! I've done NO Christmas shopping yet. I'm going to try to keep things pretty simple this year.

My plan at the moment is to maintain over the holidays and buckle down and start losing again in January. I just can't abstain at this time of year. I really enjoy the food and honestly I don't want to be skinny bad enough to go without. I'm relatively comfortable at this weight, and although I want and need to lose some more, it doesn't feel urgent the way it did when I was in the high 140s. So I'll keep my indulgences under control and get plenty of exercise (no excuse not to over vacation) then get back to a disciplined plan in January. Happy Holidays everyone!

Scale seems to be at 137 at the moment. I'm ounces away from being back at a healthy BMI. Think I did well at the holiday - I ate some of everything I wanted in moderation and stopped as soon as I got full. I didn't want to get that bloated feeling. I also got to the gym for full work-outs twice during the week and walked outdoors a couple times.

Well, my "lonely" Thanksgiving worked out OK for the most part. I had a nice dinner with my stepfamily and got to spend a little time with one of my sisters. She had to leave to go to the hospital in the afternoon. She looked so cute in her scrubs, hard to believe my little teddy bears are adults.

Then I went to see my mother and grandfather and got very worried. My grandfather is really slowing down and over the past few months looks older and more frail every time I see him. What's most frustrating is that he refuses to see a doctor or stop working (he's quite good at ignoring reality when he makes up his mind to). Everyone around him is worried. I've been really upset about it the past couple days, but I'm trying to understand there's only so much I can do, the rest is up to him.

The scale read 137.5 most of the week, but I'm keeping it at 138 because it's still fluctuating. Did well with food this week, but didn't get to the gym at all. I did a couple walks outside at lunch time. I have some time off coming up and my class is wrapping up (still have to get through a group presentation and the final exam), so I should have a bit more time for exercise soon.

My mood has been a little low this week and I'm wondering if lack of exercise has something to do with it. Probably, but other factors are being stressed out (work/school) and the impending reality of spending the holidays without my ex. I feel basically at peace that I did my best and the relationship can't work, and I've moved on and started dating, but I get a pang when I think of Christmas without him. It also didn't help that I found out last week that my father and stepmom are going away for Thanksgiving. I have other family to spend the holiday with - I won't be alone - but the absence of them and my ex kind of hit me in the gut. I'm going to concentrate on enjoying having some quiet time to myself, something I've really been wanting for the past couple months, and on things like getting back into a regular exercise routine.

Well, I think I did OK the past week - no major screw-ups, and my weight is steady, although it hasn't gone down. Ate pretty well all week, including last night when I had a dinner date. I had penne and shrimp with vodka sauce, which was delish and I'm sure not lo-cal, but I ate a small portion and brought the rest home. I figure I can get two more decent sized meals out of it. Talk about ridiculous portions - they literally brought me a serving platter of pasta - it was a bit embarrassing.

Unfortunately, I didn't do much better with getting to the gym this week. I did a good work out Monday and a walk with a friend Tuesday, but Wednesday I donated blood and it kicked my butt for the rest of the week. The Red Cross comes to campus every few months and since they have me in their database from past donations they now give me a personal phone call when they're coming and tell me how much my donation is needed. Kind of hard to say no. So between that and being at class late, it was all I could do to make it through the work day Thursday and Friday. I spent a good part of yesterday sleeping and feel pretty much back to normal today. Which means I really should get out for a walk or do an exercise tape!

Well, back down to 138 after a week of eating pretty well (yesterday was a bit of an exception, I stopped at McDonald's, something I haven't done in a long, long time). But other than that I ate very well and got to the gym for full workouts a couple times. I feel pretty much back on track.

I, for one, am kind of glad this "armageddon election" (as a lecturer who came to our campus called it) is over. I'm a little sick of the fear tactics coming from both sides. I supported Kerry mainly because of concern over the situation in Iraq (casualties and human rights issues) and the economy (deficit spending, health care costs, the minimum wage), but I don't see conservatives as evil hatemongers. Most of my family and one friend voted for Bush, all other friends for Kerry. Interestingly, my dear grandpa, a devout Christian who almost always supports Christian candidates, didn't vote in the end because he's unhappy with the economy and Iraq. I'm so proud of him, this is the first time in his adult life he didn't vote and I know it was a tough decision that he wrestled with. But he wasn't swayed by distortions (you'll lose your social security in January! gay men will outlaw the Bible!)and he didn't become a one issue voter. My great hope right now is that people in this country will begin to have meaningful and rational discussions with each other about what our common goals might be and how we can live together without seeing ourselves as having the moral highground and our neighbors who think and feel differently as ignorant or evil.

Well, I got out for a good walk today and ate pretty well this weekend. Scale is still reading about 139.5, unfortunately. I've really had trouble with my motivation the past couple weeks - I haven't been feeling my best, I had the world's worst cold and then an itchy rash on my tummy and legs (very pleasant), plus I've been so busy with class and other obligations that I've felt like I've had to schedule time to shower and shave my legs, let alone get to the gym. I really need to get a handle on my schedule. Work and school are mandatory, obviously, but eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep need to be mandatory too. I don't think I'm so much busier than everyone else, but I could be better at "time management" and I do spend quite a bit of time (more than an hour/day) commuting. This week I'm going to really concentrate on getting exercise and enough sleep since that's where I really have schedule problems - eating right is more just a matter of staying disciplined.

OK, I need to get back on track. I'm up a pound and a half from my 10 pound loss, I'm having lots of trouble trying to get to the gym and I've started picking at cookies during the day at work.

The remedy to the picking is pretty obvious. I've had a little less time to prepare meals and have been eating out more, but that's not a valid excuse for not eating well. I can get healthy food in our cafeteria and out, I just need to resist the many temptations. Getting to the gym is a little more difficult, but I think I need to utilize time on the weekends for exercise. In the past I tended to do most of my workouts during the week because the gym is on campus, but with having more to do during the week that's been tough. I need to take more walks on the weekends and get my exercise tapes out. I want to be in the 120s when 2005 begins!!

I've been really sick all week and unable to exercise and now seem to be up a pound, although my weight has been fluctuating more than usual, so it's hard to tell. Hopefully I'll be feeling better by the beginning of the week and can get back on track. My appetite has been less than usual so I don't think my eating has been too bad. I've been eating a lot of soup. I did have a big candy bar last night - I needed something to help me feel better : )

By the way, I noticed a number of people had read the Ron Suskind article in the NYT magazine last weekend. Another article you may find interesting is at http://www.orlandoweekly.com/news/Story.asp?ID=4624

My weight has fluctuated a lot this week, averaging 138. It actually went back up to 141 one day, but fortunately didn't stay there. I feel like I've been retaining water - I have a tendency to go a little heavy with the salt shaker, I have low blood pressure so I figure "what the heck" - but it may be causing bloat. I also should probably start drinking more water and less coffee.

Eating was OK this week, although there was major food at work again. I did manage to get to the gym for a couple real work outs and also did a couple walks. Now that my mid-term is over with and things have slowed down (a little bit), I hope to be able to get more exercise. I've been having trouble sleeping this week, which seems to always happen when I'm not getting enough exercise.

I seem to be on something of a roll - yes, 1/2-1 lb. per week is a roll for me! Nothing much has changed, I'm very busy right now and I wonder if that's given my metabolism a little boost. I've been struggling to get to the gym. Eating has been pretty good - the usual menu with no lapses that come to mind. My only indulgences lately have been an occasional mocha latte and grabbing a slice of cheese pizza at the cafeteria before class.

Finally - the 10 pound mark! Of course I wanted to have lost 15 at this point, but 10 at least feels significant. It's taken close to 5 months, an average of 2 pounds a month. Certainly not lightening speed, but I feel like I'll definitely be able to maintain the loss. I haven't been especially disciplined the past couple weeks and I managed to go down another pound. I'm getting more "Have you lost weight?" questions at work now. I'm definitely the only person in the building who can answer yes to that question.

I have been voraciously hungry for the past two days. I always have a healthy appetite and seldom feel like not eating, but I've been unusually hungry and craving chocolate like crazy. It has to be my hormones - it's right around that time and I had headaches and felt on edge during the week (no migraines or panic attacks though!). I really thought I was going to get a migraine Thursday, but I took some Tylenol and it stayed a dull headache, then went away. Two years ago it would have been a blinding migraine for two or three days. I also feel like my schedule is making me crave more food, especially caffeine and sugar (i.e. chocolate and mocha lattes). I haven't been getting quite enough sleep and I think my body might be trying to regain lost energy. When I got out of class Wednesday night I felt like I could eat a cow. I had a hamburger, which usually makes me feel stuffed, and felt like I could still eat more (I didn't). I also had a bagel and a donut at our monthly breakfast party. And a mocha latte yesterday morning. Wow - guess I'm lucky to not be back up to 145! I continued my Advantage bars for breakfast and salads for lunch and had veggie stir fry and tuna for dinner on the other nights. I did get some exercise this week - got in the gym twice for full workouts and also walked outdoors. Hopefully these hormonal fluctuations will be over within the next week.

Just a quick entry tonight. Ate relatively well over the past week, but have had trouble with getting to the gym, now that my class has started. I've also had some social obligations over the past week so my schedule has been extremely tight. Finally got in there tonight, for the first time in about a week. Did a half hour on the treadmill and about 20 minutes of weights. My weight has held very steady but I think it's time to kick it into gear if I ever want to lose more.

Over the past few days I celebrated my birthday and I think it goes without saying that I indulged a little. Tonight my "guy friend" took me out for a very nice dinner - sauteed scallops with melted butter, maple mashed sweet potatoes (awesome!), salad, sage multigrain bread, and the grand finale, a mini chocolate cake with cream cheese filling. The restaurant was a place by the water with a cozy, elegant atmosphere. That was the best dinner I've had in a long time.

It was sort of a tough evening though. He was feeling down and the mood wasn't exactly celebratory. I'm not sure how much his feeling down had to do with me and the fact we're broken up - I do think that had something to do with it, but he's moody to begin with, which is a big part of why the relationship hasn't worked in spite of years of earnest effort. By the end of the evening a little of his mood had rubbed off on me. I truly don't like seeing him unhappy and I still have times when I miss him. I don't really think "what if" anymore because I feel like I know the answer to "what if" at this point, but in a way that makes missing him seem more desolate. In the meantime, I've become interested in another man for the first time since meeting my ex seven years ago. He's an intelligent, interesting guy from a faraway, interesting city (that I've heard could turn into Atlantis in the next 48 hours) and seems like a true gentleman but I just don't trust my romantic urges right now. My feelings have been all over the place the past few days! I'm also starting graduate school tomorrow and have just a bit of anxiety about it. I get bored rather easily without a lot of mental stimulation and for the most part am adaptable and like positive changes but right now I have the feeling of things being in flux and it's anxiety producing.

Just a quick entry - it's been busy with going back to work and getting ready to start class next week. Still at 139 and back on a more regular schedule - getting in the gym, eating Advantage bars for breakfast, salads for lunch and seafood and tofu stir fry for dinner. I want to be at 136 SOON - that's the point where I'll be at a healthy BMI again.

I got the first dispatch from my sister at school in Virginia yesterday. I gave her a bit of a lecture about what to avoid on a college campus. I worry about her because she's so pretty, outgoing, far from home and very young. She says "All of my classes are going rather well, really interesting actually. I like the fact that it's more interactive instead of we the students being forced to rote learn everything. And don't worry, I surround myself with respectful and mature people...who are hard to find sometimes. I don't like the whole frat environment anyway." She's so cool!

The scale has continued to read 139 for most of the last 4 mornings :)I've really slacked off on the exercise for the past few days, so I feel grateful not to be up a pound. I was achy after overdoing the cleaning at the beginning of the week and just couldn't bring myself to exercise. I've also felt kind of a malaise since being on vacation. I feel off my schedule and haven't been sleeping that well. Funny that I could be more tired while on vacation! Eating has been OK overall, but I've been self-indulgent. Had my pancake breakfast, frozen yogurt and a couple more iced coffee drinks. But I've been eating light most of the time - the pancakes seemed really heavy after going a long time without them. I'll get back on schedule Tuesday when I go back to work - not that I'm particularly looking forward to it!

Well, it's September 1 and the scale read 139 this morning - I'll take it. I haven't been quite as disciplined as I planned to be since I've been on vacation. Nothing really terrible, but I did have birthday cake (which I always end up feeling is a waste of calories, because I really don't like it much, but people feel bad if you refuse it) and I've had a couple iced mochas, one of my favorite things. But I haven't been overeating and I spent parts of the past two days doing heavy housework and I think that burned some significant calories. Today I'm washing and waxing my car which will also be good exercise. Some vacation, huh? Today should be the last of the working portion. Later this afternoon I'm going to get a massage and tomorrow I have plans to sit by my friend's pool. Friday I plan to get away somewhere and this weekend will include beach time. Another thing this weekend will include is a pancake breakfast. I haven't had pancakes, another of my favorite things, since early last spring. I'm hoping to find some kind of whole grain pancakes that I can have with a little real butter and maple syrup. Yum!

Well, I was pleasantly surprised this morning to discover that my waist is an inch smaller even though my weight hasn't gone down in the past couple weeks. Must be the exercise. My hips and upper arms are also a bit smaller, although not by a full inch.

ATTENTION: Major sisterly bragging ahead. I was an only child into my teens and bitterly wanted siblings, so I probably appreciate them in a way few people do.

I put on a bathing suit for the first time in a while yesterday at my father's house and it wasn't that traumatic. Swimming was very enjoyable. Seeing my eighteen year old sister in a bikini was quite a reality check - wow! I never looked like that. My eighteen year old sisters are identical twins and gorgeous, as well as sweet-natured and smart (I'm NOT just saying this because I'm biased). One of them left last week to go to school in Virginia and the other is going to school closer to home. The one in Virginia is very independent and adventurous and will be studying international business. The one staying near home is going into nursing - she's very sensitive and nurturing. She has been working full-time this summer as a hospital aid, sitting with patients who are suicidal or a danger to themselves. She also told me she's interested in comparative religion and is taking a course on Buddhist and Christian philosophies. We had a birthday party yesterday for my littlest sister, who's eight. She's also a very neat little individual. She's already a non-traditional female. She loves sports and science. She's taken Tae Kwan Do for a couple years and will probably be a black belt by the time she's ten, and likes building "Bionicles" in her spare time. They were taking her to a carnival last night and my Stepmom let her pick out her own outfit. She came out in little gray camouflage hiphuggers, a tee shirt and a quilted lavender vest. She looked chic and adorable. I'm very proud of all three of them.

Still fluctuating around 140. I shouldn't be that surprised, my eating has been less than ideal the past couple days. Breakfast (Advantage bars) and lunch (salads) have been fine, but dinner has been on the run all week - work has been crazy. I've eaten out a couple times and haven't made the best choices. Last night I woke up at 4:00 am with horrendous heartburn and knew I had overdone it (I had a big burger and greasy fries). At least when that happens I don't want that kind of food again for weeks. My stomach didn't feel totally right again until tonight. I'm on vacation for 10 days after tomorrow - hallelujah - and hope to eat healthy and get lots of exercise. I've got to be firmly in the 130s by August 31.

The scale read 139 for two days, but this morning was back to 140 - hopefully that's only a temporary situation. At least I'm making progress, unlike when I stalled out at 145 for over a month. I did have a minor lapse yesterday at our monthly breakfast party. Some of the women I work with are really into cooking and baking, and NOT into dieting, and they went all out yesterday. Corn muffins, mini cherry cheesecakes, Tollhouse cookies. Unfortunately, that kind of spread is not an uncommon occurrence. I work in a community-oriented environment, which is great, but the lunches, breakfasts and parties get to be overkill. You have to be very determined to stay on a diet. A couple people have noticed I've dropped a few pounds and have mentioned they might try dieting, but I'll be very surprised if it actually happens. I've been doing well with food otherwise. Today so far I've had an Advantage bar, some blueberries, one piece of 7 grain bread, two slices of lean ham with a slice of swiss cheese, a few grape tomatoes and some almonds. Tonight I'll probably have tofu/veggie stir fry. That's a very typical day. I've bumped up my exercise a bit - I've been mixing running and walking on the treadmill. I felt like my body needed more of a challenge, my workouts have felt pretty easy lately.

Well, I got the results of my dreaded semi-annual lipid profile and chem screen today. So, here's the lowdown:

Total Cholesterol: 245

HDL: 66

LDL: 152

Cholesterol/HDL Ratio: 3.7

Triglycerides: 136

Glucose: 81

Which is, well...just about exactly what the numbers were last time. A few things I find interesting are: 1. being about 10 pounds heavier and eating some more (unsaturated) fat hasn't raised my cholesterol (thank God), 2. eating lots of soy and more fiber hasn't lowered my cholesterol (figures) and, most interesting, 3. eliminating sugar and most refined carbohydrates from my diet has had no effect on my blood sugar. Not that elevated blood sugar has ever been a problem for me, but I did expect it to be lower than usual. There was something slightly off kilter in my iron analysis, but I have to wait till my doctor gets back from vacation to ask her about it. I don't think it's anything to be concerned about.

The bad news is that the main reason I went to the doctor last week was for a "school physical" (at 32 years of age). I'm starting grad school in a couple weeks and needed to have my immunization records checked. I needed a tetanus/diptheria shot and found out today I need a measles/mumps/rubella shot (apparently I show no immunity to mumps of all things). A series of hepatitis shots is also "recommended" and if I really want to go for broke I can add a meningitis shot. Fun. I'll probably do the hepatitis series since it's a nasty disease and not that uncommon, but I think I'll pass on the meningitis. From what I've read, it works like a flu shot - it immunizes you against a strain of meningitis, but there are several other strains you're still not protected from. That along with the fact it's relatively uncommon makes me think it's not worth it. Good thing I don't have a needle phobia.

The scale has read a solid 140 for the past couple days - it even briefly stopped at 139 yesterday - oh, what fleeting joy! I feel pretty confident I'll reach my goal of being in the 130s by late August. Generally did well this week with food and exercise, ate mainly salads and tofu veggie stir fry and went for walks almost every day. Today I went to lunch with friends and had a turkey club with fries and a mocha latte, but I don't think it will do too much harm.

Yay, it's Olympic time. I've loved the Olympics since I was little. It's funny, because I am NOT a sports fan in general, but I think the international aspect of the Olympics makes it more interesting to me. Plus I love watching gymnastics - much more exciting than baseball or football!

Back to 141 the past few days - the 140.5 only lasted a day. Hope I don't get stuck here for the next month! I want to get to the 130s so badly and it's taking soooo long. That reminds me, guess it's time to readjust my goals. In May I set a goal of reaching 133 pounds by mid-late August which is obviously not going to happen. I'm disappointed and a little frustrated, but can't say I have much guilt. I've really done my best the past three months - I've had no major lapses, I've stuck with a good exercise routine and I've experimented with new techniques (the rather anticlimactic low-carb diet). And yet the weight comes off one excruciatingly slow half pound at a time. So - my new goals are to be in the 130s by late August and in the 120s by the end of the year (right in time for the holidays). Past few days have been OK except that there's been major food at work again. I've managed to abstain for the most part, with the exception of half a brownie. Our food service makes cakey brownies (as opposed to fudgey) that I love. I've kept up with the exercise, taking 40 minute walks most days this week.

Down another half pound. Took my measurements this morning and I've lost maybe an inch or so from my waist and hips. I'm very happy to be getting close to the 130s, which are familiar territory for me. I think the highest weight I ever reached before last year was 137, but I was only there briefly. I was at about 133 for quite a while. That's the highest weight I feel healthy at, but I really want to get a good 10 pounds below it if I can.

Eating and exercise have been OK this week. I've added back some oat bran bread (yum), brown rice and blueberries. Still having Advantage bars every morning and salads with fish or chicken pretty much every day. Getting a tad bit sick of the salads at this point, but haven't found any really good alternatives for lunch. I'm trying to keep the starches to once a day. I haven't had any sugar - this has got to be the longest I've ever gone without sugar since birth. I do feel like I may be eating too much fat with this plan and want to try to cut back on it, but it's tough to give up everything. I should probably cut back on the cheese - the nuts and vegetable oil are unsaturated fat and I haven't been eating red meat more than about once a week. I've been getting some exercise just about every day, mostly walking, weight training 2-3 times per week.

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend. We're having beautiful weather here in the NE, sunny with low humidity (doesn't happen often here in the summer) in the 70s.

Holding steady at 141. I'm finally starting to feel like I've lost enough to make somewhat of a noticeable difference. Two co-workers have commented I look a little thinner (and they didn't know I was dieting) and I tried on a pair of my "thin" pants and they were less constricting. Still too tight to wear in public, but better - and to think less than two years ago they fit perfectly! Well, I'm glad I didn't just go out and buy bigger pants and keep eating. I've had pants get snug before, but when I could truly no longer fit into them I knew it was time to take action! Plus I can't afford a whole new wardrobe.

Eating has been slightly less than perfect the past few days but under control. I think after 2+ weeks of being very strict I needed to indulge just a little. I did that by having bagels at the seminar and going for a frappuccino Friday night. I feel ready to put my nose back to the grind stone this week. Did another good cardio/weight workout Friday afternoon and went for a walk outside in the heat and humidity today.

Happy to be down another pound, especially since I wasn't particularly disciplined the past couple days. I've basically continued what I've been doing the past 2 weeks, but I was in a seminar for the past two days where all meals were brought in. I was able to eat pretty healthy, but there was also some temptation, especially at breakfast (I looove my bagels and pastries). I did have bagels for breakfast and some tastes of sweet stuff, but stuck mainly with salads and chicken. One thing I've added back in is my cup of strong, flavored coffee in the morning (with Splenda instead of sugar). Drinking decaf didn't seem to give me any additional benefits and I enjoy my coffee so much it's not worth it - I drink it for flavor, not caffeine, and haven't been able to find any really good flavored decaf. Also got to the gym a couple times this week and added weight training back in. Feeling a bit more encouraged.

Phase 1, Day 14 (the last day)

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: low-carb yogurt

Lunch: salad with ham and swiss

Snack: pistachios

Dinner: "taco" salad with shrimp, cheese, salsa and guacamole

Dessert: piece of low-carb toffee

About 1150 calories. Still at 142 today. Tomorrow I begin phase 2 and can start adding in some fruit and whole grains if I want. I may try to stick with what I've been doing a few more days - I really, really want to get below 140. Obviously the "8 to 13 pounds in the first 2 weeks!" did NOT happen for me. What can you do? At least I've managed to drop a couple of pounds.

Phase 1, Day 13

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: pistachios

Lunch: salad with grape tomatoes, olives and tuna

Snack: provolone cheese

Dinner: Chinese style spareribs and stir-fry vegetables

Dessert: low-carb chocolate/peanut butter treat

About 1100 calories. Back to 142 today. Went for a 30 minute walk outdoors. I'm happy because I took a full-length practice GMAT today and got a pretty respectable score even though I haven't taken college classes in 7 years and didn't prepare. I'm hoping with actual studying I can get a very respectable score (I'm starting Business school in the fall).

Phase 1, Day 12

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: peanuts

Lunch: salad with grilled chicken, bacon bits, light vinegarette

Snack: mozzarella stick

Dinner: chicken with mushrooms and provolone cheese, green beans

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

A little under 1100 calories. Thanks to those who left encouraging comments - I really needed it today. When I got on the scale this morning and saw I was up another half pound after two days of being very careful, I felt like either crying or banging my head against the wall. Fortunately I'm a pretty strong-willed woman, so tonight I'm feeling more determined than hopeless (there's a little discouragement in there, though). The inviolable laws of physics say if I'm putting in less over an extended period of time, I have to become smaller, right?!!

Phase 1, Day 11

Breakfast: Advantage shake

Lunch: salad with chick peas, ham and mozzarella

Snack: peanuts

Dinner: salad with chili

Dessert: small piece sugar-free chocolate

About 1150 calories. Still at 142.5 today. Went easy on the snacks to try to get things moving again.

Phase 1, Day 10

Breakfast: low-carb yogurt smoothie, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: peanuts

Lunch: sweet and sour pork and mixed vegetables

Snack: cheese and pepperoni

Dinner: salad with olives, chick peas and tuna

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

About 1250 calories. Why, oh why, am I up half a pound today? Hopefully it's just a fluctuation. I'd really like to be at 140 or below when I finish this phase. Don't think I'm going to make the 8-13 pounds promised by the book, but that's not really a shock. Felt kind of fatigued the past couple days, don't know if it was the hot, humid weather or lack of glycogen. Went for a 35 minute walk outdoors.

Phase 1, Day 9

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: peanuts

Lunch: salad with olives and mozzarella, Lean Cuisine beef with portobello mushrooms and broccoli

Snack: low-carb yogurt

Dinner: baked salmon, mashed cauliflower, green beans, peanuts

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

Estimate about 1300 calories. Held at 142 today. I was hungry a lot today for the first time since early last week - don't know why. Also felt really tired.

Phase 1, Day 8

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: peanuts

Lunch: salad with grilled shrimp

Snack: mozzarella stick

Dinner: baked salmon, mashed cauliflower, green beans with almonds

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

Estimate slightly under 1200 calories. Went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and a bunch of crunches. Seemed to have lost my half pounds for yesterday and today this morning. Hope it continues.

Phase 1, Day 7

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: peanuts

Lunch: tuna and homemade cole slaw

Snack: provolone cheese

Dinner: salad with grape tomatoes, cucumber, red pepper and grilled shrimp (yummy)

Dessert: two squares of sugar-free chocolate

Estimate right around 1100 calories again. Seem to be holding steady at 143. I knew if I mentioned that I was consistently losing a half pound a day that it would stop! I haven't been exercising this weekend and I suspect that may be the problem. I'll get on it tomorrow. Half way there - 7 down, 7 to go.

Phase 1, Day 6

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: peanuts

Lunch: salad with olives, chick peas and provolone cheese

Snack: low-carb yogurt

Dinner: salad with a little bit of lean steak

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

Estimate about 1100 calories again. I seem to be consistently losing a half pound a day (knock on wood). So after two and a half months of "dieting" I've finally managed to lose 5 pounds. I talked to my "guy friend," who had gained 15 pounds enjoying life with me last year. He recently went to the doctor and found out he now has high cholesterol and was advised to drop a few pounds. Today he told me he has lost about 8 pounds so far - in two weeks. His diet? Giving up his nightly bowl of ice cream and glass of kahlua and cream and getting on an exercise bike a few times a week. And he's almost 20 years older than I am. I understand life isn't fair, but I'm still momentarily shocked every time I get a reminder. I am, however, grateful to be losing some weight. And to not be struggling all that much. I'm not sure why I haven't been that hungry - I think there's a few possibilities. I'm eating some more fat (trying to keep it mostly unsaturated), which supposedly keeps you feeling satisfied longer. The frequent eating (six times a day with snacks) seems to work well for me - I have a bad habit of waiting until I'm famished and then overeating - the snacking might be a good long-term strategy for me. And the limited food choices help limit desire. The thought of yet another salad or handful of nuts doesn't exactly trigger any cravings.

Phase 1, Day 5

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: pistachios

Lunch: McDonald's grilled chicken salad (surprisingly good - and healthy - I always check the nutrition info online before I eat fast food)

Snack: low-carb yogurt

Dinner: crab (yum) and homemade cole slaw

Dessert: low-carb chocolate (quite good, but not low in fat or calories - definitely a once in a while treat)

Estimate a little over 1100 calories. I've read that diets that restrict certain food groups inevitably result in consuming fewer calories, but I always thought with my healthy appetite I would find some way to make up any lost calories. To my surprise I'm finding that I am definitely eating less. What's good is that I haven't been feeling hungry over the past couple days and I basically feel like myself again after the migraine. I am, however, already getting a little sick of the limited foods I'm allowed at this stage. The book says this stage is only meant to last two weeks, and I doubt I'd last much longer than that. I am really looking forward to some nice heavy whole grain bread, dipped in a bit of seasoned olive oil. But the weight loss is motivating me to stick with this for another 9 days.

Phase 1, Day 4

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: pistachios

Lunch: salad with olives and mozzarella, Lean Cuisine turkey and green beans

Snack: low-carb yogurt

Dinner: leftover tofu stir-fry

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

Estimate about 1100 calories (a little low). Felt somewhat better today. Going to go for a walk outside shortly.

Phase 1, Day 3

Breakfast: Advantage bar and decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: pistachios

Lunch: salad with olives, tuna and oil and vinegar

Snack: low-fat mozzarella stick

Dinner: light tofu stir-fry with bamboo shoots and water chestnuts

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle

Estimate about 1200 calories, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 55 grams of fat. Went for a nice walk by the reservoir near my house. Still had the migraine this morning and ended up calling in sick to work. Pretty tired too. Hope this passes within the next couple days. Glad to be down another half pound.

Phase 1, Day 2

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: pistachios

Lunch: salad with olives and mozzarella, balsamic vinegarette, Lean Cuisine chicken marsala and green beans

Snack: low-carb yogurt

Dinner: hamburger with mushrooms and provolone cheese (no bun), green beans

My estimate is 1350 calories, probably 40-45 grams of carbohydrates and 63 grams of fat (still makes me think yikes!). I also walked around the mall a few times (it was raining) with a friend. The good news is I was down a half pound this morning (could be a fluctuation) and I wasn't hungry this afternoon, probably because I added a salad with cheese to my teeny-weeny Lean Cuisine low-carb lunch. The bad news is I have a migraine tonight. I'm hoping it might be unrelated to the diet or possibly caffeine withdrawal. Just hope I wake up feeling better tomorrow.

Phase 1, Day 1

Breakfast: Advantage bar, decaf coffee with Splenda

Snack: pistachios

Lunch: Lean Cuisine beef with portobello mushrooms and broccoli (too skimpy!)

Snack: low-fat mozzarella stick

Dinner: salad with tuna, capers and olives

Dessert: sugar-free fudgsicle (the highlight of my day)

Today wasn't unbearable, but there were a couple tough moments. I had a fantasy about bread at lunchtime that was downright pornographic. And I did feel hungry on and off throughout the day, possibly because the "low-carb" lunch I bought was incredibly skimpy (130 calories). The book tells you not to bother counting anything, just to follow the diet guidelines, but I'm going to keep a rough estimate going to satisfy my own curiosity. Today I figure I barely hit 1200 calories, so that is less than what I usually eat by 200 calories or so. I had about 30 grams of carbohydrates and about 60 grams of fat, which is quite a lot for me, even though I'm trying to do this as low-fat as possible. I'm striving to drink 8 glasses of non-caffeineted beverages each day (I usually end up with about 6). I've added a B-complex tablet to my usual multivitamin to make up for anything I'm missing without grains (fruits and whole grains will be added back in when Phase 1 is over in two weeks). I also did a half hour on the treadmill.

Here I am, poised to begin my experiment with "low-carb" dieting. I went to the grocery yesterday and stocked up on veggies, fish and various "low-carb" products - what a racket, by the way. My groceries totalled close to $40 above what I usually spend. I'm hoping eating out less will make up for it. I'm really wondering how this is going to work for me - I'm afraid the lack of carbohydrates could cause my migraines and/or panic attacks to come back and I'm also not sure I'm going to have the willpower to make it two weeks without any sugar or starches. But I also am a firm believer in keeping an open mind and trying new and different things. If I don't give this a shot I'll always wonder about it. The book promises "consistently dramatic results (8 to 13 pounds lost in the first two weeks!)" We shall see...

Well, I got the South Beach Diet book from the library and I'm going to give it a whirl. I think it's reasonably sensible in that it allows a good amount of vegetables throughout and doesn't tell you to go ahead and eat all the bacon and butter you want. It combines low-fat and low-carb principles focusing on "good" carbs and fats (i.e. whole wheat pasta, olive oil) vs. "bad" carbs and fats (i.e. white bread, bacon). It was designed by a cardiologist, originally as a way to help his cardiac and diabetic patients lose weight safely. The first "phase," which lasts two weeks, prohibits all starches and will be pretty tough for me. For example, he recommends egg dishes for breakfast every day and I gag at the thought of eating an egg. I won't be starting for another week or so because I need to plan out a menu, go grocery shopping, etc. All I can say is if I'm going to buy special groceries, give up most of the foods I love, etc., this sure as hell better work!! ;)

Well, I was back down to 145.5 this morning - the 147 must have been a fluctuation. I'll take what I can get at this point. I know that overall I've been pretty disciplined with food and definitely with exercise - this is the first week in a while that I haven't been in the gym at least 3 times. Apparently my metabolism is pretty sensitive - it's never been easy for me to lose weight, but now it seems really hard. Obviously, I need to jump start my metabolism somehow. In the past exercise, especially weight training, has done the trick, but now I guess I'm going to have to fiddle around more with the food. I'm thinking either South Beach or Weight Watchers. I might be able to get the South Beach book at the library and give it a trial run. I'm not going to give up - I need to at least get back into the low 130s to be at a healthy BMI for my height (5'2"). So, anyway, today: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), salad with almonds (110 c), mac and soy cheese with tuna (460 c). Had my twin stepsisters' high school graduation after work so ate dinner on the run - a BLT (275 c?) and a small mocha (170 c).

I've fallen off the wagon in a big way over the past week and am trying to get back on. I won't bother recording what I ate last weekend, it's enough to say it was high on any scale of measurement (fat, carbs, etc.). Having a couple Father's Day gatherings to go to of course didn't help. I've also had very little time to get in the gym since last week. It's pretty discouraging that in over a month I've managed to lose a grand total of 1 pound. Trying to figure out what the best strategy is at this point. I'm considering trying the South Beach diet. I'm not a fan of "diets," especially restrictive ones, but this one seems relatively sensible and I feel that the main thing I need right now is some real structure to my food intake. I'm going to give it some thought. Past couple days have been not too bad. Monday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), cheese enchilada (500 c), apple sauce (80 c), tofu and broccoli stir fry with rice (530 c). Went to the gym and did 40 minutes on the stationary bike and 30 minutes of weights. Tuesday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), veggie lasagna (300 c), dried cranberries (85 c), tofu and broccoli stir fry with rice (530 c). Today: bagel with cream cheese (500 c) and coffee (60 c), Kashi bar (290 c), dried cranberries (85 c), salad with almonds (160 c), spinach ravioli with marinara sauce (550 c).

Feel like I'm making no progress! Thursday: had to navigate the breakfast party - had half a bagel with cream cheese (250 c), a cookie (150 c) and a couple bites of cheese cake (100 c?). Mac and soy cheese with tuna (460 c) and apple sauce (80 c) for lunch. Salad (75 c) and leftover tuna with whole wheat pasta (520 c) for dinner. Friday: a kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), dried cranberries and almonds (150 c), a shrimp roll (200 c), and tofu and broccoli over rice (650 c). Went to the gym and did my usual. Need to get disciplined with the food!

Ugh, I kind of feel like I've hit the wall over the past week or two. The scale isn't moving and I'm losing momentum and eating things I shouldn't. I was hoping the weight training would have given my metabolism a boost by now - that's what has happened in the past, but I'm now over thirty and taking a medication that may be effecting my metabolism. I guess I just need to keep my nose to the grindstone, go to the gym and control my eating more than I have the past two weeks. Yesterday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), vegetarian chicken and noodles (340 c) and apple sauce (80 c). Things went downhill rapidly in the evening. I was going to go to the gym but for some reason was dead tired, so I went straight home - after stopping at a local hamburger stand. I consoled myself that it wasn't as bad as eating true fast food, at least it was made from natural ingredients (whatever), but I don't even want to try to tally the calories, I'm sure it put me over my allotment for the rest of the week. To make matters worse it gave me indigestion for the rest of the night - hopefully that will prevent me from doing that again. Today was a little better: a Vitamuffin (very tasty - more fiber and less fat, sugar and calories than a regular muffin - 200 c) and coffee (60 c) for breakfast, then a turkey wrap (about 480 c), apple sauce (80 c). For dinner a salad with dried cranberries and balsamic vinegarette (125 c) and leftover whole wheat pasta and tuna (520 c). Went to the gym and did the usual 30/30. Tomorrow we have our monthly breakfast party at work - the struggle continues.

Yesterday was a little tough - ended up eating out twice. For breakfast a Kashi bar (290 c). Went to a great natural foods restaurant for lunch with a friend from the Buddhist center I belong to. Had a tuna melt with soy cheese on ciabatta bread (a thick, dark wheat bread) and sweet potato fries (delicious!) - really have no idea what this added up to, my best estimate is about 750 c. Then I came home and for no good reason whatsoever ate some chocolate Soy Dream (200 c). Later I went to dinner with my (now ex) boyfriend (from here forward to be referred to as guy friend) and had the salad bar - a big green salad with chick peas and oil and vinegar (200 c), then a small serving of pasta with sun dried tomatoes (250 c). Had a skim mocha (also unnecessary) for dessert (130 c). Yeah, I wonder why the scale wasn't any lower this morning?! My calorie total for yesterday was easily 1800-2000. Today was better: a Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), spinach stuffed shells (300 c) and cinnamon apple sauce (80 c), romaine with almonds, dried cranberries and balsamic vinegarette (200 c), and tuna with capers and olive oil over whole wheat pasta (520 c). Also went to the gym and did the usual 30/30.

Still doing OK, just can't seem to get the scale to go below 145.5 - arghh! Wow, haven't written since Wednesday, I guess - it's been a busy week. So, Thursday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), mac and soy cheese with tuna (460 c), dried cranberries (65 c), tofu and broccoli stir fry over rice (575 c). Friday: croissant (320 c) and a soy mocha (200 c), a Kashi bar (290 c), dried cranberries (65 c), an egg roll (200 c?) and chicken and broccoli over rice (about 600 c). A pretty high calorie day (probably should have skipped the croissant and egg roll), but I did go to the gym and do my usual 30/30. Today (Saturday): bagel with a smear of cream cheese (400 c) and coffee (60 c), a piece of birthday cake (for my stepmom's birthday, probably about 300 c), and a turkey and guacamole sub (couldn't find nutrition information, my estimate is 600 c). Went for a real long walk (over an hour, at least 3 miles) with a friend.

I seem to be fluctuating between 145 and 146 recently. It's been a really tough couple days trying to figure out what kind of relationship my boyfriend and I want to have with each other and tonight I feel like I got hit by a Mac truck. Eating has been OK for the most part. So - let's see. Monday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), mac and soy cheese with tuna (460 c), dried cranberries (100 c), salad with almonds (150 c) and a Lean Cuisine pizza (380 c). Went to the gym and did 30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes weights. Tuesday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), veggie lasagna (290 c), diced peaches (60 c), then went out for Mexican - ate more than I should have, but I don't think I did too much damage - two tacos (small ones, probably 360 for both), some refried beans (110 c) and a few forkfuls of rice (100 c). Also had a half glass of Coke (70 c). This morning was not good - very stressed and tired after trying to sort things out with the boyfriend, plus had to be at a meeting 45 minutes away first thing. Ended up with coffee (60 c), a chocolate chunk cookie (150 c? worth it - it was blue ribbon material) and a chocolate munchkin (65 c). Not the worst breakfast as far as calories are concerned, but nutrition is a whole other matter :) Lunch was also on the run, but I did a little better - tuna salad and veggies on a bagel (530 c). Got back on track with dinner - tofu and broccoli stir fry over rice (575 c). Went to the gym and did the usual 30/30.

Seem to be holding steady at 146 for the time being, which is OK, I guess, considering I wasn't particularly disciplined the past few days. I wasn't out of control either, just a bit lazy. Friday: Kashi bar (290 c) and Cafe Francais coffee mix (120 c), dried cranberries (130 c), an egg roll (200 c?) and a pretty big portion of Chinese chicken and broccoli over white rice (650 c?). Also had a couple fortune cookies (55 c) and a bit of Soy Dream (100 c). Went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the stationary bike and 30 minutes of weights. Saturday: ham and cheese with lettuce, tomato and mustard on a bagel (500 c) and a soy mocha (260 c), then a taco salad (460 c) without the shell (those things have an unbelievable amount of calories and fat and aren't worth it as far as I'm concerned) and the very last of the chocolate Easter bunny my Grandpa gave me (200 c). Today a bagel with a little cream cheese and green olives (400 c - one of my favorites, don't know if it sounds gross - I got it from my Stepmom who's Irish/English), a soy mocha (260 c), romaine and almonds with balsamic vinegarette (125 c) and cheese and spinach ravioli with marinara sauce (550 c). All in all, not that bad I suppose. Just need to remember to control the portions and lay off the chocolate.

Yesterday: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), veggie lasagna (290 c), salad (75 c)and tuna with capers and olives over whole wheat pasta (550 c), diced peaches (60 c) and a little chocolate (100 c). Went to the gym and did 30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes weights. Today: croissant with mixed fruit jelly (350 c) and a skim mocha (150 c), baked sole (150 c) and summer squash (75 c), salad (75 c) and tuna with capers and olives over whole wheat pasta (550 c).

Did OK with food the past couple days. Yesterday: a Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), then skipped lunch because I knew I was going out to dinner. Got a lobster roll (yummy!) with melted butter on the side and just used a bit of it(about 300 c), french fries (had about 10, probably 250 c) and a little cole slaw (about 130 c). Had a small glass of Bailey's Irish Cream and some chocolate later in the evening (I'm guessing about 300 c). Today: Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c), Lean Cuisine macaroni (270 c), some dried cranberries (65 c), salad with almonds (100 c) and ravioli with marinara sauce (550c). Went to the gym and did the usual routine - 30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes weights.

Yay - down another pound. That only took about three weeks! I'm hoping now that I'm back on a regular weight training schedule my metabolism will speed up a bit and I'll lose weight a little quicker - that's what has happened in the past. Did OK with food the past couple days. Yesterday: ham and cheese with lettuce, tomato and mustard on a bagel (500 c) and coffee (60 c) for "brunch," a big salad with croutons and almonds (175 c) and two crepes - one with swiss cheese (185 c) and one with diced peaches mixed with a little plain yogurt (125 c) for dinner. Soy Dream later for a treat (200 c). Today: brunch the same as yesterday (560 c), a soy mocha (200 c), a salad (75 c) and ravioli with marinara sauce (550 c) for dinner. Also had some dried cranberries (130 c). Went for a long walk with a friend.

I guess I should be happy I haven't gained anything after kind of falling off the wagon yesterday. Thursday was OK - had a bagel with a smear of cream cheese (450 c) and coffee (60 c) for breakfast, half of a tuna wrap (400 c) for lunch and a large salad (175 c) and leftover chana masala and rice (325 c) for dinner. Went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes of weights. Yesterday I didn't get off to a very good start - I was in a hurry in the morning and had errands to do in the afternoon, so I ended up eating on the run. For breakfast a bagel and cream cheese (540 c) and a large soy mocha (260 c). It got worse in the afternoon when I went to a chicken place near me and had fried chicken, a biscuit, corn-on-the-cob and cole slaw. I won't bother tallying the calories - I have an idea of how much it was and it's bad, but oh, it tasted soooo good. I had a craving for this kind of food and I think it's OK to indulge a real craving once in a while as long as it doesn't knock you off the wagon for good, which it won't with me. I'm back on track today.

For geevee (and anyone else who may be interested): I get a lot of my food at Shaw's Supermarket, which is a chain here in the Northeast that has a large natural foods section, almost like a health food store within a grocery store. I live in a pretty cosmopolitan area (a university town not that far from New York City) - there are authentic European, Asian, Latin and African foods readily available in my neighborhood, as well as lots of natural/vegetarian foods. I'm not sure how true this is of other parts of the country. The saffron jasmine rice was actually a boxed mix I got at the grocery. The chana masala I had last night was also a boxed mix, but I have a recipe for it that I make sometimes. It's pretty easy and healthy:

Chana Masala

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

1 small onion, chopped

1 large clove garlic, minced

1 teaspoon curry powder

2 tablespoons tomato paste

1 15 oz. can chick peas, drained, reserving 3 tablespoons of liquid (lentils can also be added or substituted for chick peas)

1/2 tablespoon lemon juice

1/2 teaspoon salt

black pepper, to taste

crushed red pepper, to taste

1 tablespoon butter (or butter substitute)

water, as needed

Heat oil in large skillet on medium heat. Sautee onions until lightly browned. Reduce heat to medium low and add garlic, curry powder and tomato paste. Stir and simmer about 2 minutes. Add chick peas and liquid, lemon juice, salt, black pepper and red pepper. Add butter, stirring to melt. Add a little water if too thick. Stir and simmer until chick peas are softened (usually about 30 minutes). Very good served with basmati or jasmine rice and plain yogurt.

Past two days were good. Yesterday: Atkins bar (230 c) and coffee (60 c) for breakfast, low fat veggie lasagna for lunch (360 c), a small soy mocha (200 c), for dinner baked salmon (240 c), saffron jasmine rice (170 c) and green beans with almonds (160 c). Went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill, 30 minutes of weights - 3 sets of 12 reps for all muscles above the waist. Today: Atkins bar (220 c) and coffee (60 c), half of a tuna wrap with l & t (about 400 c), light lemonade (10 c), for dinner chana masala (an Indian curry dish made with chick peas and lentils) with a half cup of rice (325 c) and a small salad with almonds and vinegarette dressing (165 c). Now I'm going to have some Soy Dream (200 c). I've also been trying to drink a cup of green or black tea every evening because there was something posted in our gym about the benefits of tea - lots of antioxidants plus it probably gives the metabolism and immune system a little boost. I really hope to see the scale move by this weekend - I'm due.

Well, I finally got a digital scale after going to about 4 stores - don't know why it was so difficult to find one. My weight seems to be holding steady right about where I thought it was. My fear was that I might get on it and find out I weighed more than I thought I did. I guess the next best thing to finding out I weigh less than I thought I did is finding out I don't weigh more than I thought I did :) Been eating well overall, with one exception last night. Yesterday had a Kashi bar (290 c) and coffee (60 c) for breakfast, ham and cheese on a bagel with l & t (500 c) for lunch. Then went to my boyfriend's for dinner and things slid downhill. We ordered a clams casino pizza (a favorite) and I had two pieces (really not sure what this amounted to, using my food counts book I'm guessing about 400 c) and a salad with oil and vinegar (75 c). That wouldn't have been too bad, but then my boyfriend talked me into a bowl of ice cream - well, he didn't have to twist my arm too hard, but he did say, "C'mon, just a small one." So I had a bowl (about 1 cup, Breyer's mint chip, probably 300 c). So I totaled around 1625 calories for the day, which isn't that bad, but definitely more fat than I like to eat. Actually, that's how I gained my 15 pounds, eating like that with my boyfriend. Today was better. Atkins bar (220 c) and coffee (60 c) for breakfast, then vegetarian chili (340 c) for lunch. For dinner a small salad (60 c), baked salmon (240 c) a half cup of jasmine rice with saffron (170 c) and a big serving of cooked carrots (225 c). Went to the gym after work, 30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes weights - 3 sets of 12 reps for all muscles below the waist.

Doing well. Looked for a new scale today but the couple of stores I went to didn't carry them. I really "feel" like I'm down a pound, but it could be wishful thinking. I've been exercising and eating well, so it should be happening. Yesterday: small mocha (130 c) and a French roll (200 c) for breakfast, roasted chicken (150 c), steamed endive (20 c) and tomato pasta (300 c) from our cafeteria for lunch. Also had a banana (100 c) for an afternoon snack. I had some things to do after work and had an impulse to hit the drive through, which I managed to resist. I'm not a major fast food fan, but I do like burgers and fries occasionally, and when you're hungry and it's quick and easy it can be very tempting. Instead I stopped at the grocery and picked up some fresh romaine and a Lean Cuisine pizza, which was almost as quick as going to the drive through. Brought that home and made a salad with the romaine, some sliced almonds and oil and vinegar (100 c) and microwaved the Lean Cuisine pizza (380 c), which turned out to be pretty good. I like stuff like that because it's quick and easy and automatically controls your portions, something I have trouble doing on my own. I guess I'm fortunate that I actually enjoy a lot of healthy foods. In the end I was probably happier with the salad and low fat pizza than I would have been with fast food. Today I made banana crepes for breakfast. I used pre-made crepes I got at the grocery store (only 37 c each) and sliced banana drizzled with a little honey and heated them in the microwave. Yum! Tasted decadent but only had about 150 c each (I had 2) and lots of potassium. Had a Kashi GoLean bar for an afternoon snack (290 c). I'm trying these as an alternative to the Atkins bars. They have more carbohydrates, obviously, but a little less fat and natural sweeteners (cane and rice syrups). They're made with soy protein, like the Atkins bars, as well as a whole grain blend. Pretty good. For dinner I had leftover vegetarian chicken and broccoli over rice (600 c). Also had an iced mocha (180 c). Went for a long walk (about 2 miles) with a friend.

I may possibly be down another pound. It's hard to tell with my scale. I have to set it about 8 pounds ahead for it to match what I weigh at the doctor's, and even with that it doesn't seem totally accurate. I can step on and off it 3 times in a row and weigh 147, then 148, then 146. That's OK when I want to keep an eye on my weight and make sure I'm not gaining anything significant, but for weight loss it's frustrating. Might be time to invest in a quality scale. Anyway, yesterday I had an Advantage bar (230 c) and coffee (30 c), a turkey club sandwich (I figure 500 c) and half a bottle of Vitamin Water (75 c) for lunch. Then I got really sick to my stomach again. The sandwich was from a high quality deli that people I work with go to often, so I don't think anything was wrong with it. Maybe it was the mayonnaise and/or bacon - I rarely eat bacon and when I do I usually get a little indigestion. I still didn't feel good when I got home last night, so I just had a bowl of oatmeal (320 c), a banana (100 c) and some almonds (100c) for dinner. Felt better after that. Today I had an Advantage bar (220 c) and coffee (30 c), mac and (soy) cheese with some tuna (460 c) for lunch, some dried cranberries (75 c) for an afternoon snack and vegetarian "chicken" and broccoli over rice for dinner (600 c). The "chicken" is OK - it's made from some pretty strange ingredients - natural, but strange. I think I actually like tofu better. Went to the gym after work - did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes of weights, 1 set of 15 reps for each muscle group. If I buy a new scale I hope it gives me good news!

Today: Advantage bar (220 c) and coffee with a little sugar (40 c), Cedarlane Low Fat Veggie Lasagna (360 c), dried cranberries (100 c), leftover tuna with whole wheat pasta (600 c) and a salad (75 c). Went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes of weights - 3 sets of 12 reps for each muscle group above the waist.

Feeling pretty good after eating well the past two days. Yesterday: oatmeal with maple and brown sugar (320 c), dried cranberries (100 c), almonds (100 c), and black coffee. Breakfast was late so I skipped lunch, then my boyfriend made scallops sauteed with olive oil and garlic over linguine (about 600 c) and a toss salad (75 c) for dinner. Also had a couple pieces of French bread (280 c). Later we went to Starbuck's and I tried a latte made with soy milk - drank about half (45 c). We also went for a long walk by the beach. Today we had one of our regularly scheduled parties at work - always a diet challenge. I did better than usual - had half a bagel with a smear of cream cheese (200 c), a few strawberries (20 c) and a cookie (75 c?). For lunch Amy's brown rice with tofu and veggies (240 c) and some dried cranberries (100 c). Had an Advantage bar in the late afternoon (220 c). For dinner a green salad (75 c) and tuna with olives and capers over whole wheat pasta (600 c). Went to the gym and did 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes of weights - 3 sets of 12 reps for all the muscle groups below the waist.

Today was a good day, yesterday not such a good day. The scale hasn't moved this week so I'm feeling a bit discouraged. But like I've said, weight loss has always been a slow and tedious process for me. I also felt terrible yesterday and the night before - a bad upset stomach and a headache that kept coming and going. I'm thinking that I need to lay off the dairy products and red meat. I had lactose intolerance when I was young and thought it was all but gone at this point, but yesterday and the night before I got very ill after having milk and cheese. I also have a tendency towards high cholesterol that seems to get higher if I'm eating red meat and butter. I had a good discussion with a friend today about different diets working for different people. She's had great success with the Atkins diet but knows people who have followed the same plan with little or no success. In the past, I've been my thinnest when eating a low-fat, high-carb diet (the kind that's out of style right now). This type of diet doesn't work for my friend. We have different shapes, too - she has small hips, I have a smaller waist but bigger hips. She builds muscle easily, I can lift 50 pounds over my head at the gym and not worry about getting too muscular. The outcome of this discussion was that I'm going to try going low-fat and eating little animal products (except for fish) for the next couple weeks and see what happens. It may not work for me like it did when I was 5-10 years younger, but I know I feel a lot better after 24 hours without animal products. I went out last night and stocked up on soy and plant based food. Luckily, Starbuck's will now make mochas with soy milk ;) If this doesn't work, I'll try something else - maybe a low-carb diet with mainly lean protein - I know a true Atkins plan would make me sick to my stomach and probably send my cholesterol through the roof. So, what I've been eating: yesterday, a sourdough bagel with veggie cream cheese (a whopping 510 c with plenty of carbs AND fat) and a small latte (130 c) in the morning, a bean and cheese enchilada for lunch (330 c), a tuna sandwich (about 400 c) and salad (75 c) for dinner, and a small cup of Soy Dream later in the evening (100 c). Today, I literally felt like I needed to give my digestive system a rest and didn't eat much the first half of the day: an Atkins Advantage bar (230 c), some almonds (100 c) and some dried cranberries (about 100 c). Tonight I had a large portion of tofu and Chinese veggies with about a cup of rice (I estimate about 700 c) and I might have a little Soy Dream later if I need a sweet tooth fix. I also went for a 40 minute walk with the above mentioned friend. On to the next phase of my weight loss journey.

A quick entry just to record what I've been doing the past couple days. Yesterday: An Atkins bar (220 c) and iced coffee (60 c) for breakfast, organic mac and cheese (410 c) with tuna (90 c) for lunch, 3 ounces of baked salmon (200 c), baby peas and pearl onions (180 c) and a half cup of plain rice cooked with a little canola oil for dinner (210 c). Today: An Atkins bar (220 c) and iced coffee (60 c), frozen veggie lasagna (300 c), a couple small pieces of chocolate (60 c), a big salad (75 c) and leftover salmon (200 c) and rice (210 c). Then a skim mocha for a treat (130 c). Also went to the gym this evening - did 40 minutes on the treadmill and 15 minutes of weights. My muscles were a bit sore from my last work out so I just did a few sets of 15 reps to hit the major upper and lower muscle groups. Hoping to see the scale move again by the weekend.

A pretty good day. An Atkins Advantage bar (220 c) and black iced coffee for breakfast. Had a couple exotic candies a co-worker brought back from a business trip (100 c?). An organic cheese and pepper enchilada for lunch (440 c) - Amy's - they make great natural frozen foods. For dinner a big green salad with oil and vinegar (75 c), the last bit of the penne pasta mixed with some of my boyfriend's sauce and a meatball (400 c), a big portion of broccoli (75 c), and a piece of Italian bread (140 c). Also made it into the gym after work for the first time in two weeks. Did 30 minutes on the treadmill (brisk walking on an incline), 20 minutes of weights (1 set of 15 reps for each muscle group), and 10 minutes of stretching, for a total of 1 hour. I really want to get back in the gym 2-3 times a week, I feel good when I work out.

I really feel like keeping this diary is helping me to control what I eat. The combination of publicly confessing what I've eaten and getting encouragement from others is very effective. Today I had lean ham and swiss on a bialy (300 c) and dates (160 c) for breakfast, an iced skim mocha (180 c) and some almonds (100 c) in the afternoon and leftover penne bolognese (600 c) with a green salad (60 c) for dinner. I'm right about at my 1400 calorie mark, so if I get a craving later I'll have a cup of flavored tea. I've been thinking about setting some goals the past couple days. My first goal is to get down to about 133, a loss of 15 pounds, which is where I was for quite a while before about a year ago. I'd like to do this by mid-late August. I wish I could have it done by the end of June, but I'm not going to set unrealistic goals - weight loss has always been a slow process for me and I've never had more than 10 pounds to lose before. The next goal will be to get down to 125, which is where I begin to look my best. I'd like to do this by mid-late October. After that I'm going to see what else I can lose without getting too crazy about it - if I can get down to 115-120, that would be great - but I haven't been there in about 4 years and it might be too tough now. We'll see.

Yay, the scale has moved. Nothing drastic, obviously, but it's moved. I feel motivated. The weekend went a little better than I anticipated. Saturday: For brunch, lean ham and swiss on a bialy (like a cross between an onion roll and a bagel with about half the calories of most bagels) (300 c), some dates (120 C), a couple pieces of toffee (115 c) and black coffee. Some almonds for a mid-afternoon snack (100 c). For dinner, a green salad with oil and vinegar (about 75 c), penne pasta bolognese (probably 600 c), a small skim mocha (170 c). The pasta was a bit of a challenge because it's one of my favorite foods, I tend to overeat when I have it, and of course the restaurant gives you enough for about three meals. So I created a dividing line on my plate separating what I thought to be a reasonable portion (about 1/3 of the plate), ate it slowly, then put the fork down. I had something to drink and told myself that if I was truly still hungry in ten minutes I could have a little more. In ten minutes I wasn't hungry. Normally I would eat till I felt full and then ten minutes later feel stuffed. Also went for a brisk mile walk at a favorite park. Sunday (Mother's Day) was the day I was really concerned about, because I had three places to go. I had a toasted bialy with swiss cheese (250 c) and coffee for breakfast, so I wouldn't go out starving. At my first stop, I ended up having nothing because they were having lunch later and the food wasn't ready yet. At my second stop, I had a cup of plain tea and the obligatory slice of cake - I'm not crazy about cake, so this wasn't that tempting to me - I ate about half the slice (I figure about 200 c). The last stop was my boyfriend's and he made his award-winning spaghetti and meatballs for dinner (had I known that I would have had something different the night before!). I had a moderate portion (probably 600 c) and a green salad with oil and vinegar (75 c). Coffee and a couple pieces of chocolate for dessert (150 c). We went for a long walk by the beach near my boyfriend's house. Here's to continued downward movement!

Still holding pretty steady the past couple days. Ate a bit more than I should have yesterday, but not too bad overall.

Yesterday: A skim mocha and an Atkins bar for breakfast (400 c) Lean ham and swiss on sourdough for lunch (480 c) A few dates (120 c) A green salad with oil and vinegar (about 100 c) and tuna on a pita (probably about 450 c) for dinner Went for a good 45 minute walk with a friend

Today: Atkins bar and iced coffee for breakfast (280 c) Organic mac and cheese with a little tuna for lunch (500 c) Tofu and broccoli over rice (tried to go heavy on the veggies and light on the rice - I figure around 600 c) for dinner A couple dates (60 c) Didn't get much exercise today :(

Sunday will be the challenge - two Mother's Day visits and dinner with my boyfriend - now that's got to be a 2000 calorie day!

I did well again the past couple days. I'm still somewhat stressed and now seem to be coming down with a cold, so I'm sure that's helped control my appetite. Yesterday I had an Atkins Advantage bar (220 c) and coffee for breakfast. I went to a staff luncheon at the university where I work, which is usually dangerous because it's buffet style and people tend to really load up. But I did better than usual and had a scoop of tuna salad on pumpernickel (probably 350 c) and a big helping of broccoli (50c). I also had two small chocolate cookies (150c?) and it was very tempting to go back for more because they were very yummy, but I didn't. Hope I can continue to exercise that kind of control. At dinner time I had a green salad with olive oil and vinegar, a little pepperoni and cheese and a roll (500 c). I drink water throughout the day, usually "Fruit 2o," which I think is just a great invention. I also recently discovered "light" lemonade, which is 10 calories per bottle and I guess made with a mix of natural and artificial sweeteners. Tastes like the real thing. Today I had a medium iced skim mocha for breakfast (180 c), lean ham and swiss on sourdough for lunch (440 c) and dinner the same as last night (500 c) - I eat pretty simply on work nights. I could have done better with fruits and vegetables today, but didn't have much around the house. I've also been eating a little more meat than usual this week for some reason. I'll probably have a couple pieces of toffee (115 c) at bedtime for a treat. So I've probably been a bit below my 1400 calorie guideline the past couple days. Yesterday I really felt crappy so I didn't exercise, but today I went for a brisk half hour walk, probably a little over a mile. Can't wait to see the scale move downwards!

I had a pretty good couple of days as far as eating goes. My boyfriend and I are going through a rough time (again) and unlike a lot of people who overeat when they're upset, I tend to lose my appetite. So I guess that's the silver lining on a cloudy couple of days. Yesterday I had thin slices of sausage and cheese on a roll for breakfast with black coffee and a few dates, some almonds for an afternoon snack, then we went to a pub type place for dinner and I had the salad bar - a big green salad and then a small portion of pasta with sundried tomatoes. Then we went to Starbuck's and I had a small mocha made with skim milk and drank about 1/2 of it. Today another sausage and cheese sandwich for breakfast, black coffee, a frozen veggie lasagna entree for lunch at work, then got roasted chicken, plain rice and green beans for dinner at the cafeteria with a co-worker. We're taking a self-defense course that's pretty intense, so I got a decent work-out after dinner. Now before bed I had two small pieces of toffee. I figure I had around 1400 calories each day, which is about what I'm aiming for.

Well, here I go. I'm really hoping keeping this public diary will help me with my self-discipline. I currently weigh the most I ever have in my life (by about 15 pounds). This weight gain occured in a period of a few months during the past year. I think there were a few contributing factors. First, I began taking a medication that has probably made me quicker to gain weight. It's a milder antidepressant that I take to help control migraines and mood issues. It's improved both of these problems, which were making me miserable, but has also caused some subtle negative side effects. Around the same time my boyfriend and I reunited after a long separation and began enjoying pancake breakfasts, big dinners and ice cream much too regularly (he's also gained 10-15 pounds so I know this is probably THE major cause). Other things that haven't helped are turning 30 and the fact that I work in an environment where there's constantly bagels, donuts and candy around. Willpower around food is not one of my strengths. In the past watching what I ate on weekdays and exercise (I regularly go to the gym and walk outdoors) was enough to maintain my weight at 125-130, which was OK, but that's not the case anymore. I do eat a pretty healthy diet, lots of fish, veggies and soy, but I also love sweets (anything chocolate, right now iced mocha lattes are my downfall) and have a tendency to eat portions that are too large. As I said, I'm hoping this diary will help with the self-discipline factor.