This is my first entry so maybe some backgroung info might be helpful. I am 27 years old and have struggled with weight since, well, forever. I either struggled with thinking that I was fat, because you know, being 16 years old, 5'8" and 135 pounds, with hips and breasts didn't compare to the 105 pound, 5'5" girls beside me who when you looked at them sideways they disappeared. There were very few girls in highschool with curves so I always thought I was fat and that it was bad or different to look this way. It was very silly when I think back. Well now I actually am overweight and have been struggling to either take it off or once it's off not letting it come back. And let me tell you once you take off 20 pounds and it comes back, it does not come back the same! It is much looser and flabbier and in all honesty harder to take off again. I am also a yoyoer. It's off, it's on, it's off. Oh, I looked at a piece of cake, its back on again! Very frustrating and the amount of times I mentally beat myself up I should be black and blue on the inside. It has to stop and this is my final and valiant attempt at doing it right. I don't want to be doing this when I have children because what does that teach them. I would like to have all these bad habits under control and I think it is going to take a few years to break the old habits and negative thoughts. It has taken me 27 years with these bad habits I can't expect them to disappear in 3 months. I am realizing that patience and consistancy are going to become very important to make this FINAL attempt successful. Well, here I go. I have been trying to stay focussed. I have recently taken some advice from a very successful coworker who has lost over 60 pounds in the last year. It's great because she and I are the very much the same size so it's someone I can actually relate to. When we both started working here in June I was smaller than her, now she is smaller than me. Great motivation!! Most of my other friends are probably 5 inches shorter than me and much smaller so definately can't relate to them! I was on a program that was going very successfully when my father-in-law passed away. I had a very hard time getting back to it ater that. In the last three years I have lost both of my in laws (they we extremely wonderful people) and it has been very hard to deal with at times. To me I seem so young to be dealing with such emotional issues and to see my husband and his sister deal with losing both parents is very hard. I eat when I am sad or stressed and since I was dealing with both for three weeks I just didn't care. Well after talking to my coworker (I'll call her Inspiration Girl from now on) I have assessed my portion sizes and noticed that they were way too big. In the last week that is what I have focussed on and wow, I feel much better. I also went to a deep water aerobics class with Inspiration Girl and what a great workout. We are looking into taking a Pilates class which will be fun. I pretty much have my excercise under control but I really needed to assess my eating habits and I truly believe that reducing my portion sizes will make wonders of difference. The other thing that Inspiration Girl told me is that she BELIEVES that she is losing weight and taking that positive approach is 50% of her success. Even on weeks when she eats McDonalds. Which both her and I love, or rather obsess about!!! Well enough for now, I will keep up with the journal and any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers,

Reba