I'm kind of frustrated. My weight has been staying the same all day. Usually it goes up by evening because I drink lots of water (and water is heavy!) and then way way down by morning. Now it's just staying even all day and then going a little bit down by the next day. I suppose I really shouldn't complain, I am down to 153 which I believe might be even with the low weight I reached before, although I may have hit 152, I don't remember. Plus I ran today, haven't eaten yet, don't plan to, still have tennis this afternoon, and I'm going to play laser tag tonight which should entail running around a bit, right? I've never played, so I'm kind of excited. My roommates are going to insist that we go out, probably one night this weekend, but I'm hoping that if I don't mention it they'll forget or we'll jsut run out of time and have to go next weekend when I'll have to be eating anyway because we have a HUGE tournament here and then the following week is nationals! I hope to be about 145 before I have to break my fast, because then with food weight I'll still only get back up to 150 or hopefully just under, and then after nationals I can figure out a real diet/restrict program/fast. We'll see!

I call what I'm doing now a fast, but it's so not. I've had to eat something every damn day so far, which could be why I'm not dropping as fast as I would like to be. Monday, tuesday and wednesday I dealt with in my last post, but then last night I'd been SO good all day when my roommate made us all strawberry shortcake cups for dessert. I couldn't say no, there were four of them and four of us and she had worked hard on it and everything, plus, I'm pretty sure she suspects.

I don't think it was that bad though, the strawberries were maybe a bit high in calorie, but they're fruit! The whipped cream was low-fat so it only had 15 calories for 2 tablespoons worh...the only sticking point is the shortcake shell, I have no idea how many calories were in that, but it was probably more than I would be happy with.

My abs are coming along great, I feel strong and powerful. In "wasted" Marya said that anorexia is a powerful hatred of the body, and I guess if that's true then I'm definitley not anorexic. I love my body. I love how strong it is, how powerful, how capable. I love that I can jump the bleacher steps without stopping, that I can easily run for miles, that when I'm just walking around I have abundant energy. I love how glorious my body really is...and I even love how beautiful it is now. But I also love how beautiful it's going to be, how thin, how strong, and yet it will still fit into better clothes, so that I can show it off and dance and just be the best representation of myself that I CAN be.