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25 weeklies
23 dailies
Breakfast = 1 container Umpqua oats and 2 cups coffee = 301 calories 10 ww points
Lunch = deli ham and mustard on 2 slices 80 cal bread, pepper strips , grapes and diet vernors
552 calories and 9 WW points
Dinner = Fage % yogurt and an orange, = 179 calories and 0 WW points
Total calories for the day = 932
Did get hungry in the evening and thought about how low todays calories were...and because I know what too low can do to metabolism...I decided to go ahead and eat more although I have been working on not snacking...I will make more effort to get my calories and points in during the 3 meals......in the future......
Evening snack was 1 pkt of Quaker sandwich mini's Peanut Butter, and 1 pkg of Nature Vally oats and Honey granola bars
250 calories and 12 WW points
totals for the day are now 1,182 calories and 31 WW points = a safer calorie range
Progress as of today: 80.9 lbs lost so far, only 29.9 lbs to go!
Kombucha 50, later coffee 50
Indian treat 340 from coworker from Bangladesh! very good! and tastes of my coconut brownie 60
after 10am snack: tbd 270 natural bar. balanced amount sugar, carbs, fats
Lunch: 230 chips, chicken breast 250, veggies 150 630,
3-4pm clem oranges 100
5pm salt and vinegar almonds 100
1600.
Stayed at work extra late till 7pm bc i wanted to finsih some extra work, as i was very distracted today :) I feel good about this.
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Regarding traveling w/ the friend and if i could trust her after what she said to me during our heated argument a couple years ago:
Ended up texting her and it turned into another heated argument over the phone yesterday afternoon where i reminded her what she said to me. She didn't recall saying everything that i told her because of course the words would have a greater affect on me, the receiver as they were about me. I forgave her, as she apologized saying it was because things were heated and that she didn't mean the words (that i'm a failure / failed teacher, embarass my dad every chance i get, amongst a few other things). I forgave her, she admitted she said them only because things were heated, that she hadn't actually meant them or believed it to actually be the case with me. she said she hoped i didn't actually take her words to heart (of course i did) and she hoped i don't believe those words today (they still ring in my ear - especially when facebook reminded me thru one of the memory posts...).
i forgave her, explained how i do not know if what she says is truthful or not because she had said these things to me...that it's like being two-faced...i YELLED so loud thru the phone, making sure i could explain as well as possible what's going thru my head now.
she started to compare her friendship with me to mine with Ricky.....and i stopped that right away. i said, do not change the subject!...i explained there's no reason to bring him up - for MYSELF even to have or want to think about him...that she was practically giving me a headache. i said i wasn't eager to even discuss him. and so the topic eventually turned back to me and her....and the main important point....she did try to tell me how bad ricky is for me...but in the end, it's my decision if i'll ever speak with him again (i haven't yet)..
..but i told her to stay on the topic which is my friendship with her, not a comparison to Ricky...i said to her, do you really want me to start to have to compare you with Ricky? i said, you know he has some issues and problems...and i asked her, do you want me to start to think about you that way? i questioned her why she'd find it necessary to start to compare herself with other friends and how they treat me....i explained the situation was about me and her...she didn't yell once over the phone...only me....because i needed to get my points across.
there's a lot more we discussed.
early on she said i have changed....YES, I HAVE CHANGED!
my life has been so different these past almost 8 years in this field of work. Far away from my original line of work as a band teacher. too much has changed for me to remain the same in the least.
and my time is more precious than ever.
she did complain about mostly texting and not talking on the phone...and this is something i think that'll have to change a little in the friendship unfortunately the reason is my lack of time outside work especially during the week. i just cannot devote myself to the phone calls as much as i did...i'll have to explain this to her at another point, because we didn't talk too much about that.
because of all the changes to my life especially the changes in my free time (the amount of it) outside work, i have to prioritize differently...a game per se - a game of give and take...or of priorities.
the only reason i have the home gym is that i don't even have the time anymore to want to or think to drive to the gym during the work week...it's just too much after a public transportation commute. it would cramp on the hours i'd like to be ASLEEP.
so many things have changed. i had to make changes to keep some things the same...like have a home gym if i want to keep exercising.
it's been a lot of change. i've had to change as my entire experiences have changed.
and this has affected my friendships and time managment.
and in turn, i cannot be the original Jackie she had as a friend years ago....tho i enjoy being her friend.
there's a lot more to this.
the argument we had ended positively and we were on the phone over 2 hours which worked out because it was a slow day for me as well as her.
so the friendship is better now. after much talking and discussion.
but it's true that what i'm able to give to the friendship has changed over time due to my own experiences and life changes. i know she's changed too, but the way we have both changed differs greatly stil.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
219.5... YAY. I'm not going completely off track while I get my paperwork together.
So my friend from church's new roommate isn't working out and she dropped the hint over the weekend that she'd like me as a roommate. Last night as I was doing my time and headache tracking I realized that I am having headache and time management problems because of the constant conflict and tension in the house but also that I can't tell if it is the situation or my health that is sucking at my productivity and I am semi-functional now... So the only way to tell is to go on a staycation for a month. Texted my friend yesterday and we'll talk about it tonight. It couldn't be a long-term thing because 1) I have a leaky old dog and she doesn't take pets (but I can run home every day and walk my dog) 2) she has really unhealthy food in her house and lots of church group pot lucks and I have no willpower plus I have some stress eating tendencies, 3) I'll bet that she has some pretty conservative house rules, 4) there are tons of people in and out of the house all the time and I find that stressful, 5) I don't know where I am working yet/don't have a job right now... But I think the only way to lower my stress level and be more productive now that I feel better and there is an opportunity to do so is to change my living situation but be close enough to be home every day for my dog and to keep working on the mess here a little at a time.
One foot in front of the other.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!Day 48 completed. 17 of 30 walks completed.
Have some regular work today.
Was going to complain more about my scale weight not dropping like I think it should, based on yesterday's weighin of 188. In this round of cutting, I initially touched 188 back on October 24th, which was 3 weeks ago. So for yesterday's weighin to see 188 again after being 100% on-track for 21 additional days was depressing. This morning's weighin of 185 calmed some of that irritation. It's times like yesterday that make you question whether it's worth it or not. When you don't see any visible progress and yet you've put in the time / effort, it's just hard to justify continuing on the path. Yet seeing today's number at 185 gives me some hope. Three lbs in 3 weeks isn't what I'd ideally like, but is at least worth the effort in my mind.
Yesterday I was thinking about shaking things up with a drastic move just to see the scale numbers move. Today with the lower number, I'm feeling less inclined to change things up. I know if I stayed away from salt / popcorn for a day or two, I'd probably see a drop in the number. But of course the numbers would climb again when I ate popcorn / salt again. And I love my popcorn with heavy salt / seasoning.
Maybe a few low-carb days just to mix things up?
On to conquer day 49....
Progress as of today: 97.8 lbs lost so far, only 16.2 lbs to go!
I feel like I'm nearing a crossroads, where there's going to be a change one way or the other. I'm either going to jump off the wagon for a day and enjoy some food I've been craving OR I'm going to change my current diet foods to try to achieve a drop in the scale number.
If I jump off the wagon, the scale will instantly jump 5+ lbs and take a week to normalize. Of course with Thanksgiving next week, the scale number might make me depressed and cause me to fall off the wagon again around Thanksgiving.
So I'm leaning towards changing things up on my current diet just to hopefully see a drop in the scale number. If I'm bored and need to see a change, the artificial scale drop option seems like the lesser of the 2 evils.
I ended up eating a lot more than I had planned yesterday. Queen Bee made an announcement that the little fridge in our upstairs office would be cleaned out at 5pm, so I had to move my food to the large refrigerator downstairs, and making re-arrangements with what I ate. I ended up eating 2 cheese sticks and no cottage cheese. And, unrelated, I ended up eating the entire can of garbanzo beans - it was so yummy! But way too many carbs. I also ate the banana - which upon peeling, decided it was a LARGE banana, not a MEDIUM one - AND ALL of the grapes - again, way too many carbs and sugars.
So with all this extra eating, I hoped I would have more energy for my morning bike-ride, but alas, I still found myself having to push myself a little bit. The performance was there, but the motivation was a little weak. Still, got the job done.
Adjusted my evening de-stressing bike ride so that I accomplish my goals. I think a 25 minute ride does the trick, and it's just long enough to get in most any episode of Golden Girls or any other sitcom or game show.
I am hoping to schedule the closing for a couple of really troublesome files today. Also, next Tuesday, I will be home all day because I am taking an online state-required continuing education class for one of the licenses I hold. Thanks to WiFi, I plan to view this seminar and still walk on the treadmill or ride my bike or chill out in my bedroom. It's from 9am to 6pm. Can you imagine sitting the whole time??? YIKES.
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost and already at goal!
End up having continuing-ed every couple years for my job and it's always mind-numbingly boring. Used to have to sit through the real in-person class with 20-30 others. Couldn't believe some of the questions asked by some of the people. These were very basic concepts that should've been learned prior to even obtaining a license. Some of the questions they asked made me wonder how exactly they were supposedly doing their jobs at all. Thankfully now everything's transitioned to on-line and I can sit there in my jammies.....
No weigh in today... Not enough sleep and forgot to do it. I did get back down to 220 over the weekend. Fell off track a bit with sleep, eating and exercise Fri night - Sunday... But I am back on track today. Got up at 3am and couldn’t get back to sleep... but I walked my dog to the park, drank lots of water, ate my oatmeal, and next I will bike to the store to get my dog her favorite bagels.
Made some progress yesterday on paperwork. Getting back to being a functional adult.
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6:30pm. Spent the day not terribly productive, except for 2 dog walks and a bike ride. Cannot get guy from Friday night off my mind. He is literally occupying all the available space in my brain. Those must be some pheromones... Or it was the secondhand nicotine. Geez. Who was OOMLG? What was so great about him? I don't remember. Something something. What did he even look like? Seems hazy.
Fighting off the urge to down an entire pizza to bury inconvenient emotions.
One foot in front of the other. Logging here as I go for "virtual" company as I conquer paperwork tasks that are between me and getting to know a super tall, super hot kickboxing instructor that thinks I'm adorable.
Progress as of today: 97.9 lbs lost so far, only 13.1 lbs to go!
7am Tasty Breakfast: 2 smallish pumpkin choc chip brownies 260, with larger serving whipped cream 140, kombucha 50.
8:30am 2% greek yogurt, chai latte stevia, cinnamon 150
9:30 just bigger hunger lately, so i ate something satisfying: 2 pieces salami 50, egg and egg white 100, 1/4 avocado 80, wrap 100. 330.
...now def waiting till lunch time for the next eats...planning on a cheesy riced cauliflower by bird's eye in my freezer.
1:30pm lunch: salami 100 (because it's around and fast), 1/4 avocado 100, 2 corn cakes 150. 350.
2:30 snacking leading into workout 120 choc chip fiber 1 cookie and caffeine
4pm tasting the chicken soup 100, banana 100, strawberries after workout 50
caulifower crust 300 and more soup veggies 100, i think going to indulge in a brownie.150
2200...good!
3 day: 2300....EXCELLENT.
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I was totally again thinking to go to gym today....but decided, again - just like what happened Saturday, on a home workout. just set on staying home for the whole day :) There's simply no good reason to leave my apt...it's cold out & i'd much rather stay home & save time by skipping out on driving to gym....yes :) and that leads to more time to probably spend cleaning the tub / bathroom as i should! it's about time! ;)
Catching up on some cleaning today - Hamster cage, i swiffered the floors and vacuumed the rugs...i should clean the bathroom a bit, but, it might wait again...lol. laundry is put away. very organized for the week.
i will get in a weights workout tonight at home. laying off a lot of cardio this week, until ankle and legs feel close to 100%. i was very slightly sore in my thighs from the walk, it didn't bother my ankle at all.
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Happy Monday !!! I woke up around 7am because i went to bed before 8! i was so tired after the walk maybe i was feeling that way because it was also so cold out which potentially can wear you down?
Either way, Yeserday was sooo much fun! I'd never walked the bridge, and still didn't actually finish :( because our route went 2/3 over the bridge and turned around so anyone parking at the site would be routed directly back :) a good idea, i'd say :) If it was nicer weather, it'd be fun to walk all the way over the bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn and enjoy lunch at a restaurant there after and stay in Brooklyn. But, being that i was so tired and all, it was better how it worked out and that i'd be able to come home yesterday with time to do laundry and get organized so that today i can relax a little bit again and also cook Chicken Soup in the crockpot since i'm home in honor of Veteran's Day holiday off from work :)
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
that's awesome you walked it...i hope to walk it someday too!
I recently bought myself 5% Fage Greek yogurt. O.M.G. -- SO GOOD and, more importantly, SO FILLING!
sorry you are at work!
33 weeklies
23 dailies
Breakfast = 2 cups coffee, Fage 0% yogurt, blueberries from frozen
168 calories and 0 WW points
Lunch was full of nutrition and full of calories and ww points...this is why I had a zero breakfast...I knew lunch was going to be high. Loads of veggies and good fats....so I'm happy.
1 johnsonville brat, 1 whole avocado, 1 sweet potato, spray butter, leftover cabbage, carrot, onion and red pepper saute, a few peas, diet vernors
833 calories, 31 WW points
Lunch is still sticking with me...and it was a lot of calories...so since I'm not hungry then I'm not going to eat just because it's dinner time.....
TODAY
1,201 calories and 31 WW points
Kinda missing not taking that 3rd picture.....I even considered eating an orange so there would be a 3rd picture.........now that is CRAZY......I'm not hungry.......still drinking the vernors and still sipping water.....settling in for some TV now.
Progress as of today: 80.9 lbs lost so far, only 29.9 lbs to go!
While I feel better today, if not a bit sleepy, I have no motivation to go to work this morning. None whatsoever. So I thought I'd log in while I wait for my raw broccoli to dry off a bit after cleaning.
I went to bed early last night -- 8:15pm? But husband was watching TV, so that kept interrupting my sleep.
On Saturday, I bought some nice treats for the work week: Fage Greek yogurt (plain) 5% milkfat, cottage cheese 4% milkfat, more cheese sticks, and a small flavored creamer for those afternoons that are difficult. Yesterday, I had the yogurt for lunch. Today, I am taking some of the cottage cheese. I still have 2 cheese sticks at work, so I'll keep my pack at work until I'm out. And the creamer is coming with me today.
Here's a look at my food menu today:
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost and already at goal!
How is the collagen working out for you?
Lunch sounds great, great idea with the squash and beans!
great eats!!!!!!!!
Also, for the same reason above, I am not going to buy any more hair/skin/nails gummy vitamins any more either. After about a year of buying these, again, no improvement in hair or nails. I think my nail problems are seasonal: in the winter they peel and chip so easily. My hair... well, I think I need something stronger. Going to discuss options when I meet with my new PCP in January.
Day 47 completed successfully. 17 of 30 walks completed.
I headed to bed last night at 8pm. Messed around on a tablet until going to sleep at 9pm. Woke up at 2am. Checked my phone / email. Then decided to get up for the day. Have got a lot accomplished with everything being quiet and no outside world interuptions. I'm sure I'll be grumpy / tired by this afternoon.
Some regular work to accomplish this morning, then just working on the software transfer stuff to the new computer system. Think I might actually be done with the majority of the computer transfer by the end of today.
On to conquer day 48...
Progress as of today: 94.9 lbs lost so far, only 19.1 lbs to go!
i am sure you feel great for getting so much done without interruptions! i'm catching up on cleaning today.
2 small pumpkin brownies 230 total. Coffee 70. 300. peanut butter 100
Wrap 300 popcorn 100. 400 150 huge apple
sorta light lunch, but i doubt calories were accurate? entire beef hamburger from Shake Shack. 400 ? really!? that's it? 450-500 is more like it?
back at home, doing laundry and relaxing the rest of tonight with an early bedtime :) few strawberries 50, some raspberries 100 and some sf drinks.
...and relaxing the rest of today at home, glad i could take care of laundry now.
5:30 dinner: salami 100, napa cabbage and broth 100, tortilla chips and avocado 350. 550 total...dessert: pumpkin choc chip brownie, by far my FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!! 150 cal only, small piece.
7pm and 1 more pumpkin choc chip brownie 100 smaller piece! sooooo darn good!!!!!!!!!
2350-2400 total...maybe a hair more but counting on sleep early, too tired to do much else today.
2day avg: 2350, fine...been pretty active.
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Chicken soup will have to wait until tomorrow....since i'm not sure i'll be up enough hours today to pack it away out of the crockpot lol. so tomorrow i'll cook it.
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have to be somewhere close, just under 10 min walking, at 7:45 today. meeting friend to go downtown near WTC area and brooklyn bridge for the "Kidney Walk" fundraiser for all Kidney Diseases.
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24 pumpkin brownies, small size, 130 cal each. i had two of them at 2am lol...230 cals. too much caffeine in afternoon finally affected me, so i'm up a little at night, it's ok...still have two days left of this weekend :) the brownies are better at room temp...so, they'll be good this week for work breakfasts. they are less good straight outta the fridge bc using almond flour, they are a bit dry since the recipe called for whole wheat flour, not almond. i still like them...def cannot share since i was eating out of the pumpkin puree all week and it's the same puree in these brownies lol.
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NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT. IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.
HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....
RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.
SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.
SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER.
AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!
THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...
LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH.
ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP.
I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN.
TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..
LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT.
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Good to see your will-power and self-control. If I had 24 freshly baked brownies in the house right now, I'd fall off the wagon and be stuffed by bedtime. Only a handful of them would probably survive until the next morning, when they'd be eaten for breakfast......
these pumpkin brownies have sf choc chips in them...they are simply AMAZING.
i will make them again soon.
But I'm proud of you for at least trying again. You have a kind heart.
her words i'll never forget as they were beyond hurtful. and if my mind thinks it'll be ok to do any trip with her just, i'm reminded first to think of those words she yelled over the phone at me.
reason i had reached out last Spring to her is because i thought it'd be nice to go to beach with her a few times this summer and stuff...which it was.
but i have had plenty of reminders already this year, that i cannot rely on her for very much.
there are things she has helped me with, it's her crockpot i use bc she lent it to me (i've offered tho to give it back and by my own - seems she didn't like the crockpot which is why she lent it)...and other things she's helped and shown me...
but just the backstabbing and hurtful words..and her expectations that if i ask her to go on a trip (like i did), that she expects me now to plan it into a group thing (which requires a lot more responsibiliity at COMMUNICATION on my part with many people)...she just can't have such expectations anymore bc i will NOT fulfill them.
now, if i ask her to do something, and she says "maybe so and so wants to come to"...i'll tell HER TO ASK THEM.
I'm no intermediary. she can COMMUNICATE for hereslf.
i tried making mutliple diff plans on Saturday, trying to see availability in group form...she did not thank me for it...and i did it for her.
therefore, less expectations on my part of what i gotta do for her....because she is not thankful! :) she cannot just expect me to know her schedule (she got mad at me bc i asked her why she didn't respond all day saying to me, jackie, you know i have class.." - i didn't realize bc it was a long weekend - i didn't know she had class....
what i'm saying is, COMMUNICATE girl!
if she's so difficult to communicate with, i just will walk away slowly again. do less with her.
i don't have time for someone who thinks i should jsut memorize their schedule!
i don't know anyone's schedule but my own! like really!
everytime she tells me "maybe this person wants to come, or lets do it with the group"...she should be saying, i'll ask so and so...or let me help you out to make the plan with a group.
she's just assuming i take all responsibility. um, NO.
Coco Brownie made my myself - too many air bubbles at the top layer, bc of how i whipped the whole mix too much but still tasty! :) 200, oatmeal with milk and pumpkin (with chai latte stevia and cinnamon - amazing) 50. 270. kombucha. 70
10am Smores protein bar - decent ! 200
1130 plain greek yogurt, chai latte sweetener, sf jello 150
1:30 6" healthier subway Sandwich 400 followed by caffeine drink Bc gym around 3:30 :-)
More caffeine and fruit 250, another banana during workout 100
1650... decided to workout at home ..
2250 today. good.
NEEDING TO VENT SOON ABOUT ISSUES MAKING PLANS. UNRELIABLE FRIEND. AND SAME FRIEND WISHES ME TO MAKE THE PLANS FOR A GROUP BC SHE'D RATHER GO WITH ME SOMEWHERE AS A GROUP!? LISTEN, IF YOU WANT A GROUP TRIP, BE ACTIVE ON IT. IT'S A FRIENDSHIP I'VE REKINDLED BUT THAT I'M NOT CLOSE WITH HER ANYMORE. FOR THIS REASON. THERE'S SOME LACK OF TRUST IN THIS FRIENDSHIP. USED TO BEST FRIENDS, BUT NOW, I REALIZE MAKING PLANS WITH HER IS SO HARD....THAT I SHOULDN'T REACH OUT ANYMORE FOR TRIPS...TRIPS WERE ALWAYS HARD WITH HER...AND WELL, I'M REMINDED WHY SHE'S NOT MY BEST FRIEND ANYMORE. THIS IS A WOMAN WHO TOLD ME IN THE PAST THAT I'M A FAILURE. THIS IS WHY THE FRIENDHSIP ENDED. BC I TOLD HER I NEED A BREAK...AND SHE TOLD ME I'M A FAILURE AND EMBARASSMENT TO MY FATHER EVERY CHANCE I GET.
HER LACK OF UNDERSTANDING THAT I TRY TO DO THINGS AND PLANS FOR US AND THAT I GO OUTTA MY WAY AT TIMES....
RIGHT, THAT'S WHY SHE'S ONE OF THE GROUP...AND WHY I SHOULDN'T HANG OUT WITH HER ONE ON ONE...OR GO ON A TRIP WITH HER ALONE.
SO, NOW THAT 'VE THOUGHT IT OUT, ABOUT THINKING TO GO ON A TRIP WITH HER JUST US, YOU HAVE MY WORD THAT I'LL NEVER DO IT.
SHE'S STILL A FRIEND, BUT NOT A FRIEND ENOUGH THAT I'LL TRAVEL ONLY WITH HER. I'M NOT SURE IF SHE'S FAKE OR REAL WITH ME AND HOW MUCH I CAN TRUST HER.
AFTER ALL, SHE TOLD ME ON THE PHONE I'M A FAILURE. SO, EVEN IF HER WORDS WERE SAID IN ANGER, I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HER. AND THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE. I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER HER WORDS TILL MY DEATH BED.IF SHE'S READING THIS, LET HER KNOW HOW HURTFUL THOSE WORDS WERE! CAN YOU IMAGINE!
THE REASON I REMEMBER THIS TODAY IS THAT I HAD A MEMORY ON FB WHERE I WAS VENTING ABOUT THIS SITUATION.
FRIENDS BRING EACH OTHER UP...I ASKED HER ABOUT A POSSBILE SUMMER TRIP...AND SHE FIRST SAYS SHE'D LIKE TO GO WITH A GROUP....WHICH IS FINE. BUT, I'M NOT DOING ALL THE PLANNING OF THIS GROUP THING...
LISTEN, I JUST KNOW. I KNOW BASED ON THE PAST. SO, YEAH.
ANNOYED SLIGHTLY AT MYSELF FOR EVEN ASKING HER TO GO ON A TRIP.
I HAVE FRIENDS THAT TRAVEL, THAT WOULD JOIN 1 ON 1 AND THAT I CAN VISIT, I'LL STICK WITH THAT OR GROUP TRIPS INVOLVING THIS PERSON...BUT NEVER JUST THIS ONE WOMAN.
TOO MUCH HARD FEELINGS / MEMORIES AT STAKE..
LEARNING FROM MY MISTAKES, THIS IS WHERE I AM AT AT THIS MOMENT OF EMOTION TONIGHT.
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Plans for later include bank (for copay $$) & dr appt (deciding to take the bus to appt bc parking is brutal),
gym (driving there) - not interested in a very chilly 30 min bike ride there and i do NOT need more cardio right now as my ankle has been a nousiance bc i have had to stand quite a lot on my commute and sometimes in place up to an hour, followed by more standing..so i'm good right now on cardio.
Quick grocery shopping - making chicken soup today using skinless chicken on the bone (i was debating and this is my final decision to remove the skin before cooking),
Tomorrow is a Kidney Disease fundraiser walk and laundry.
Monday i may give a music lesson (prob not bc it's not confirmed with coworker) and gym. (off for Vet's Day!)
Progress as of today: 0 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!"Feels like 7F" here but that didn't stop me from running outside in my Crocs (no socks) to chase the squirrel out of my birdfeeder! I think that's enough cardio for today, don't you? ;)
Your walking fundraiser sounds fantastic! I can't wait to hear all about it. I hope it won't tax your ankle/legs too much... Are you worried about that?
yes, you are right in your guess. YES, i am nervous tomorrow bc i have such strong memories involving the leg pain. that i can never forget bc it was sooo painful.
and i struggle still with those memories and realizing it's always more important to listen to your body when it signals pain.
but, i'll be ok :)
thank you so very much for asking.
it will be a sunny day and perfect for this fundraiser and i'm very glad to go.
very windy here....crazy cold bc of the wind chill!
I will wear it tomorrow with my most comfortable walking shoes.
it is feeling slightly better. just aggrivated from loads of standing due to train and bus delays this week. and i had also done my own 3mi walks home...and really wanted rest the mornings after to sit, but ended up standing on public transport for over an hour a couple mornings...and one morning the commute in morning was two hours of mostly standing.
i look forward to the walk.
and yes, i mixed the brownies too much~
The back of my heel was hurting yesterday, and I think it's from walking around too much in the wrong shoe. Wearing gym shoes for the remainder of the day yesterday and for most of today has helped. I will do anything to avoid getting injured like that.
Yesterday was difficult all the way around. This morning I woke up congested, so that explains why I was feeling out of sorts. I got some zinc supplements to help stave off getting any sicker. Last winter, my boss introduced me to zinc nasal swabs, which I think made a huge difference.
I rode my bike earlier this afternoon, so I'm looking forward to going to bed EARLY tonight. For some very odd reason, I woke up last night at 12:46a sweating. Sometimes that happens if I have a large dinner (or a binge), but none of that happened. Maybe that's all part of getting sick?
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost and already at goal!
Weekly points = 31
Daily points = 23
Breakfast = omelette with shredded colby cheese, red onion and red and yellow peppers, toasted multi grain english muffin with spray butter and 1 schwans sausage patty, 2 cups coffee
474 calories and 11 WW points
Lunch was hot dog, sauteed cabbage, carrots, onion and peppers, peas, blueberries from frozen and diet vernors, olive oil
532 calories and 10 points
Dinner....Not hungry but I knew if I didn't eat something right now then I would be hungry by bedtime and I didn't want to do that.......
1 orange and a Premier Protein drink = 229 calories and 2 points
Calories for the day = 1,235 and points for the day = 23 WW points
Progress as of today: 80.9 lbs lost so far, only 29.9 lbs to go!
Going into winter, it may be that you're repeating many of the foods. Or maybe that's just part of losing weight? I suggest that because I find myself doing that too. With the colder weather, I've branched out into the gourds (butternut, acorn, spaghetti squashes). Breakfast is almost always the same for me. I find myself eating salad at almost dinner, which will continue until around January, when the stores switch to hydroponic produce, which I'm sorry, but I would rather go out than endure the stale taste of produce grown like this.
My menu is pretty boring and repetitive right now. Wish it wasn't, but it just makes it easier for me to stay on track in this phase of trying to drop weight. Since I'm eating the same basic stuff over and over, I have a lot less desire to overeat any of it.
Day 46 completed successfully. 17 of 30 walks completed.
Back from the out-of-town trip for the oldest daughter. Everything went well. Long, gruelling, boring, but safe.
Today is setting up computer stuff and other things inside.
On to conquer day 47....
Progress as of today: 98.1 lbs lost so far, only 15.9 lbs to go!
It's been a long day, and I'm kind of too tired out to want to to go into real detail about what happened today.
Went to Tokyo, getting to the cafe just in time to check in. The cafe looks real nice this time, more rustic than it looked 2 years ago. Well, I thought it looked nice. I ate about 2/3 of what I ordered, because I did end up ordering too much. Got the souvenir plate but not the mug. Another time. I want to go for my birthday, but we'll see. Visited the cafe shop, bought some stickers and a badge.
Went to the writing meetup afterwards. Had a good time and got some work done. I definitely want to keep going. Even though there's no way I can go out to Tokyo every weekend.
Dinner, I didn't feel all that hungry (I really ate a lot of sugar), but I did end up going to a cafe for internet and electricity. A cafe that is more high-end than I'm used to. (A glass of soda is 7 dollars, what????). I had a sandwich, wrote some more, and charged my phone.
The karaoke bar opened later than usual tonight and was closing early, but it was open, so I went there for an hour. It was already packed, but I got to sing two songs before calling it a night. It's just not as fun if I can't stay for at least three.
And now I'm home.
| Breakfast | 2 ham/cheese rolls coffee |
| Lunch | hamburger, bit of spaghetti w/meat sauce, eggplant, okra |
| Snack | coffee at the meetup, another at the bar |
| Dinner | chicken sandwich |
On more positive noise, my ankle is still on the swollen side, but it didn't bother me (except going up and down stairs). I walked a LOT today, carrying my laptop all over. 15k steps. And, guessing from how much I weigh tonight, I might be down a pound or two tomorrow morning. I'll be dead tired, certainly.
Tomorrow, work.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 87 lbs to go!
It is now Boots weather here.......and shoes with ice clamps on them........and slippery roads.
I'm loving what I am calling my 4 point system.
1. Post pics of everything I eat on DD ( and sticking to eating three times a day only ...no snacking)
2. Follow the WW program and work on leaving some points unused at the end of the week, the zero point foods are pushing me to eat more healthy foods
3. Counting calories using fitday, packages and the internet when necessary....and I know that 1,500 cals = maintenence for me...so I need to stay below that to lose
4. Writing everything in a notebook so I can see at a glance where I stand on any day in the past
I purposely kept my junky trigger foods at a minimum over the last 8 or 9 days....and it wasn't as difficult as I expected......in the past...I had substituted junk foods for meals.......and I also grazed throughout the day...these last 8 days got me on a better track......I do just fine on 3 meals a day...so I personally do not need any snacks between meals.......today I am starting to add ...some of my trigger foods back in ..for 2 reasons.....1. I need to learn to eat them in small quantities and 2. I just like to be happy.....if weight loss is misery and maintenance is misery...then I would rather be fat....bottom line. Since I am by nature a glass half full person...who wakes up happy most days....I am not willing to risk that because of food. I am interested now in finding out what it is like to have ONLY ONE mini candy bar........( I actually doubt that I have ever had only one at a time..EVER).............SO...because I want to weigh a healthy weight...and because I do not want to give up any food.....then I HAVE to learn to eat everything in moderation....and learn what a real serving size is for all foods.......so this week will be a test of another kind...if it works...wonderful....if it becomaes a problem...then I will tweek it again........
37 weeklies
23 dailies
Breakfast = 3 Kodiak protein pancakes, 1 egg, spray butter, 1 T. lite syrup ( just right), 2 cups coffee and 1 pkg of Quaker pomegranate and peanut butter sandwich minis( which are actually a pretty good source of protein)
463 calories and 12 points
Lunch = 2 mini naans, mustard, lettuce and deli ham, 1 light mozzarella stick and an orange and diet vernors = 513 calories and 17 WW points
Boring dinner but needed to eat something so picked the easiest thing= Fage 0% yogurt and 2 bananas = 0 points
Done for the day
Used 1,314 calories and 29 WW points
Progress as of today: 80.9 lbs lost so far, only 29.9 lbs to go!
A helpful (?) suggestion for working with trigger foods: ENJOY them; relish every bite. And drink water while you indulge. It will fill you up and stretch out the time you are enjoying your treat. The key, for me, at least, is to set up non-negotiable limits. It's ONE (or whatever) and then THAT IS IT. If you're feeling like you want more, walk away. Do something else, drink water, leave the room. HAVE A PLAN FOR THIS.
Let us know how it goes!
PS It does seem, from your photo, that 1 TBSP of syrup works. I too do not like my eggs to have syrup on them... (you know what I mean?)
Have been discussing with my sister whether all of this weightloss work is worth it or not. We've both been questioning whether we're 'happier' when we're eating whatever whenever, even though we're fat at those times.
When I weighed 283, it didn't stop me from doing most things I liked (dirtbiking and other things). And I enjoyed eating all types of stuff all of the time. But, I see the after effects of a lifetime of obesity in some older people. The negative health effects, limited mobility, staggering amounts of medication, etc. So even though the extra weight might not affect me all that much at present, I do see it as having a compounding effect on my future. So for that reason, I'll continue on my weightloss plan for now......
Day 45 completed successfully. 17 of 30 walks completed.
Had to run out of town last minute yesterday, so will have a long drive back today after getting some stuff done.
Kind of boring 4 hour ride. I'll be drinking diet drinks and muncjing on sunflower seeds for most of it. Will eat dinner when I get home after dark.
On to conquer day 46.....
Progress as of today: 95.3 lbs lost so far, only 18.7 lbs to go!
"Day One or One Day - You decide."
I am not happy with my current plan. I realized this last night, and I think a lot of it has to do with the menus being posted on this site. I want to thank you all who do take the time to lay out what you eat, because it made me notice that my current plan is perhaps too restrictive. Don't get me wrong - low carb/keto works for the numbers. But I feel like maybe I'm missing out, or find myself wishing I had more flexibility in choices. Unlike Grains, I don't feel bored; I feel resentment. Anger. Hate. <<< Who needs THAT in their life?
As I am looking at 2019 as the Year of Remodeling, I need some changes. I've already made one. As you know, I often ride the fancy bike in the evenings to releave stress. It's a programmable bike, I can track my workouts on my phone, fancy schmancy blah blah blah -- Anyway, rather than going for "calories burned" (which probably isn't all that accurate), starting on Sunday, for the new week, my goals will be time-based. I really only need 20 minutes to crank it out and releave the day's stress and stiffness in my body, and not the previous 200-300 calorie goals I've been doing. This will free up more time in my evenings for other activites or going to bed early. This is a healthier approach for me, mentally & physically, but I'll re-evaluate and re-adjust as needed.
I decided on this after spending nearly 2 hours (!) trying to reach a 300 calories-burned goal. Ridiculous!
Yesterday was Mom's birthday (70 years), so I called her up to wish her a happy birthday. As you may recall, she's lost a lot of weight and kept it off, for many years. IDK how long, but the kids were in grade school still, and now they're adults, so it's been a while. In the course of our conversation, she told me that she's gained 20 pounds and is starting to work on that, before it gets out of hand. WHAT??? She didn't seem heavier when we visited in October... But she says it's either make changes now or buy new clothes, and she isn't going to buy new clothes!
So we talked about fresh produce and eating healthy, etc., and moved on. But I have to confess to you, fellow DD'ers, that this really hit me like a brick. It really is a never-ending battle, is it? There is no "before" and "after", because once you get to "after", it can still be a struggle to stay in After-land.
Progress as of today: 62 lbs lost and already at goal!
This time will be different for me (although I've said that before). I've finally accepted the fact that if I want to remain at a certain weight, it will require continued effort. Daily at first, but hopefully weekly / monthly monitoring as I get used to maintaining.
And my emotions concerning this process are wide and varied. Sometimes bored, sometimes bitter, sometimes worn-out, sometimes ticked off. Weight, scales, fat percentage, carbs, calories, protein, etc - all of these things occupy way too much of my mental time.
And it might just be a seasonal blahs thing too.
Today was eventful.
There was a proper festival at the municipal parking lot today, so I had to park some distance away again. Walking to town hall, I sprained my ankle. The policewomen redirecting traffic heard me when I cried out and were kind enough to ask me if I was alright as I hobbled past, and afterwards when I was walking back to the car after work. It's still a bit swollen and strained, but I can stand on it.
Also, I saw a well-known comedian at the festival. Well, I was up at fourth floor of town hall, looked down, and saw a big crowd of people walking through the parking lot. It was a coworker that recognized him. The watermelon helmet, clothes, and red/white scooter gave him away. (He has a TV show where he travels around the country on a scooter.) We were both shocked because, by pure coincidence, I was using that celeb as an example during class. She shouted his name and I took photos as he and his people rode away. (He's the one in white.)
You can barely make out his face, but that's fine.
| Breakfast | 2 boiled eggs yogurt (90) Red Bull (85) |
| Lunch | rice with spinach 2 sausages (I was half-asleep and heated 2 because I usually eat one for breakfast... but I had eggs and forgot.) mixed vegetables hot cocoa |
| Snack | pizza steamed bun (220) Red Bull (85) |
| Dinner | rice with spinach and stuff 1/2 pork cutlet 2 pieces of fried chicken |
Early this morning, I got a table reservation for the cafe. Yay! One opened up for tonight, but 30 min later, another for tomorrow morning showed up. I did a lot of quick reserving and cancelling and am now going tomorrow for an early lunch. I have no clue how calorific the food is. Since I'm "doing it for the 'gram'", as the kids say, I might end up ordering a lot. There are, like, 6 or 7 things I want to try and take pictures of.
I'm still going to try to get a reservation for next month, too. Just in case.
Tonight, clean. My house is a complete mess. Also, write. Also go to bed early. Because I won't get to sleep in all day tomorrow.
Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 87 lbs to go!
Looking good! Hot cereals (when I was eating them) have very nice "staying power" in the morning.
Yes they do.....and no dishes...or pans....LOL I think right now they are also keeping the sweet tooth satisfied...I'm not craving desserts much...so the things like this...and the fruit...are taking over right now.
Yes they do.....and no dishes...or pans....LOL I think right now they are also keeping the sweet tooth satisfied...I'm not craving desserts much...so the things like this...and the fruit...are taking over right now.
graindart on 11/13/2018:
I've been eating a packet of instant apple/cinnamon oatmeal daily. With the weather cold, the warm bulk of it really hits the spot. It makes a mess of a bowl, but the oldest daughter is in charge of the daily dishes, so I use as many bowls as I wish.......
I think the packets are less calories....
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