Welcome to Diet Diaries.com

Day 6 of bottomless pit of despair 

Having a seriously hard time getting motivated to do anything about anything. I just have a whole lot of "give up" in me. Partially it is because I guy I was talking to on JustOKcupid tried to cheer me up with an inappropriate holiday animated gif. If I knew him better... I would have found it funny. Instead it was just creepy and declared him untouchable... Popped my hope bubble.

Spent the day in bed coughing and eating junk food for the 6th day in a row. I'm afraid to step on the scales on Monday. I tried putting on yoga shorts and my middle ballooned out over the top of them like a Macy's Day float.

Slapped myself in the face and put contact paper in one drawer of the kitchen. Changed my sheets and washed all the blanets. Vacuumed the kitchen floor. Made my dad clean up his dishes. Washing my dad's sheets.

Thankfully, even though my dad has the heat in the house cranked up to 80, none of it reaches my bedroom.

Setting my alarm tomorrow. If I'm coughing too much to be in public I will get drive through coffee but I need to leave the house for 2 hours tomorrow and see daylight.

How did I miss that they made a season 5 of "Bosch"? 

 AM ABS PUSHUPS 

1st day to sleep in in about a month so slept like 10.5-11 hours :) was great.

8am Kombucha 50

9am At parents big breakfast toast 150 with cream cheese 200, lox 200 coffee 50, chocolate 50. Total here 650 

11am chocolate 50

12:30 granola bar 100

2:30 lunch wrap 100 avo 150 turkey 50 seasonings and chips 150 

5:30 big orange 100

prob salmon 350? cooked for dinner as I am still with parents - yes, with a large salad 150, very big but thinking as low as i can for calories, then a slice of CHOCOLATE CAKE with fudge....very fancy for mom's bday. at least 400 cals for an indulgent cake. 900?

2350 today. UGH!!!!!! it won't get much better until i stay at my own apt.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved. John 3:16&17

........................................................

Hello to you.

We visited Mamaat the nursing home this afternoon.  I bought look-alike shirts for her and me, which she is happy about.   Took her some healthy snacks.  She not doing too well.  Appreciate your prayers for her.

Hubby only has 4 more weeks to work and we happy about that.

AM LEGS / pm cardio at mall

 On the way to this program which I drove myself to today, quickly picked up kombucha at supermarket to taste it - didn't taste as good as I remember - lol - this brand is just not as good I guess lol. 30 cal

breakfast I made for program oatmeal and almond milk 180 and yogurt 150. 330 and coffee 70.  400

bar 170

550 healthy lunch at program 

1150

gummies and samples 150

1300

will comment as I can when I get hold of my moms iPad 

2100...

aM arms upper body  / PM CARDIO 

Kombucha50

yogurt 200 and cranberries 100 small coffee 50

snack bar 200

left program early to go to follow up eye appt at hospital 

lunch tbd wrap 100, egg whites and tofu 150, roasted cabbage 100, avo 150 chips 150. 650

2pm snack Gummy candy low sugar 100, orange 100

1450

bigger dinner 800 tops

if I were home at apt I would have chose something different but we went out to eat and it's different than choosing a yogurt with protein muffin - out to eat I ate healthy but enjoy filling up on the veggies then a little rice and shrimp and dressings

2250

walked half hour and bike easy for 40 min  

 AM PUSHUPS ABS 

150 oatmeal and yogurt 150 and cookie and coffee 100

snack bar 200

lunch bread 200, 100 cheese, popcorn 100 salad and dressing 150 ....550
snack 300

1550

dinner

its my mom's 66 bday tonight 

I'm at my class today again - probably around a week or so left - hoping to be done soon, back to work again, etc.

total on high side 2200 wanted lower but snacked and had a larger dinner 

PM LEGS 

 Day 49:  today I choose to focus on things that bring me joy.  

Posting on my phone, which I hate doing, but seeing as I have legal clinic this morning, this is probably the only time I'll have to post until later today, if even...

I love volunteering at this legal aid clinic, but even though it's only once a month, lately I've been feeling like it's more of a burden than a blessing.  It may be time to move on soon.  I'm just tired.

It's odd that I feel this way, since it was a short work week for me.  Why am I feeling so dragged out and stressed after a vacation?  Not sure what this is about.

Slipped up a bit last night after dinner. I think I was craving sugar...  Diverted myself with other activities, but ended up indulging in some peanut butter.... and then some whipped heavy cream (out of the can - real cream, though, not that yucky Cool Whip).

Felt somewhat satisfied after that, not stuffed, not disgusted.  But my tongue feels a little funny today.

Baby Kitty is ok, and the vet bill was manageable.   She's had some trauma to her eye, whether from a fight or if she scratched herself.  She got a shot, and then we have to put ointment in her eye twice a day.  She will be ok, but we may not survive having to get this stuff in her tiny eye.

To reduce the overall cat stress in our house,  we've gone back to keeping New Kitty segregated in his own room.  Kind of sad because he's so friendly to us.

I'm finding myself floating away from my yoga practice.  Can't go this morning, obviously because of legal clinic, and kind of grateful that I don't have to make that decision.  There's yoga tomorrow morning, but not sure I want to take that class, with the owner.

Just working the green ww program.......all is going well.......first day of deer hunting season around here and the woods are full....and when i say full...I mean full.  I have some things to take to the mailbox....but I'm scared...LOL........

Just started the amazon prime deal............and I think we are over shopping...lol....just things that we have been thinking about for awhile but still...I swear it encourages us to shop more often...we used to wait until we had enough in the cart to get free shipping......now we just place orders.......I will say that I do love the 2 day shipping and the prime movies....I am loving movies this way...3 in the last 2 days.  No advertisements make me just enjoy them so much more.......turn out the lights and have a seat....just like going to a theatre.  I do believe that this had upped my happiness level...of course anything that allows me to sit in my lazy boy always makes me happy...but anyway.........

Lots of laundry to wash.......and D headed out in his hunting clothes as usual for the first day...I never really did worry about that for years.......now....at 71...I worry....but as he always has said.....if something does happen...at least he would die happy.......well...when he was young it didn't seem likely...now....it's scary.  I had planned some heavy cleaning today...now I find myself rooted near a window...waiting for him to get home again.  If it's not one thing it's another....... or as Wynona Judd used to sing....."If it's not one thing it's your Mother"..........take mother out and add husband there.

NOVEMBER GOALS:

1.  Eat vegan 80:20

2.  AT LEAST two rest days per week

Well, the first job I applied for they didn't even acknowledge that I applied for it LOL, so i'm assuming I will not be considered as an appropriate candidate. The second job I applied for I once again received no acknowledgement that I applied, and today I see that the same job has been re-posted. Whatever. So I applied for it again LOL.  I will harass them until I get a response I guess! Their loss! But it does make me feel really sub-par about myself. I know the feeling will pass though, and I also know my worth and I know that if they can't see it - that's ok. Someone else will, eventually.

BF and I went to the city yesterday and picked up a few christmas gifts. We went for supper to the Chopped Leaf and ordered the Aztec bowl - it's vegan (well, after we swapped out the cheddar and the chipotle ranch dressing). It was really good and we both thought we would eat that again for sure.

We got home pretty late, and then had to stop quickly at BF's daughter's new place to drop off some stuff that we bought for her while we were in the city. It was close to midnight when we finally went to bed. The morning came quickly LOL!

 Day 48:  Intention: Letting things roll off my back.  Mantra:  Just trying to be a blessing.

 I thought I'd have enough time to finish my entry on my laptop, but sadly time is slipping away.

Today's Challenges:

• Everyone in my house is on 2nd shift schedule, and I am on 1st shift (I'm awake at 5am), but I have things that I have to ask my husband or daughter to do, and everyone is asleep!
• Baby kitty has an eye infection.  Need husband to make an appointment.  Need to know when that is - I guess that will be my lunch hour today.
• Friend's husband's wake is today with funeral tomorrow.  I need to know if my husband ordered the flowers.  He is sleeping.
• Old Kitty and Baby Kitty are not getting along with New Kitty.  There is a fight every day.  I am wondering if Baby Kitty's eye infection is a result of one of these fights or just one of those things.
• Worried about the cost of taking care of these cats.  Old Kitty needs expensive dental work, which I'm hoping can wait until January. 
• One of the toilets broke, so the plumber is coming out today to fix it.  $$$

I really wanted to go to yoga last night, but talked myself out of it.  Next week, the teacher for the Stress Reduction Yoga series is out of town, so no yoga on Tuesday.  I thought that next week Thursday, then, would be a good time to try this new yoga class (& teacher).  I have a 10-class pass and felt that this would be a better use of it.

Trying to be a blessing, just trying to be a blessing....  and not eat my weight in food.

I will have to reset my "push" after this head cold passes. I could be a Nyquil ad.

Cat is unhappy with the disruption in service from his human and let me know by pooping in the bed next to me. He has been exiled to the bathroom where he is yowling and scratching at the door. Why did I get a cat? 

Canceled doc appt today. Can't do the drive.

---

Cold turned into a cough and I napped for a little bit. I had a dream about my mom. I was little, we were on the couch and she gave me a cuddle. I tried very hard to stay in the dream but as soon as I was aware I was awake and it dissipated.

That makes two hugs and a cuddle from the great beyond. Maybe she saw me having a hard time with her cat.

 Hi everyone, thank you so. much for your comments yesterdaya, and all the support. It is honestly not an easy time right now, there is so much expectation that we should be in a place of perfection adn joy with the wedding being in a month but its so hard not to keep worrying about what is going to happen with my fiance's family... whether they will pitch,and if they do, whether they will be able to be happy for us or whether the nastiness will conitnue.  

She is so used to her family treating her this way and that is the part that really saddens me.  I just don't understand how a father an behvae like this - and for that , I conisder myself eternally grateful and luck to have the family I have ... Trying to see the silverlning here lol

Anyway, for everyon that commented on y cupboard calamity, in some ways its a relief to reach acceptance and stop trying to squeeze myself into things that don't fit and also its a motivation to make the changes I need to.  Thanks for all the support and comment xxx

I think today I am feeling sad that I have left these changes to a month beofre the wedding, so its gonne be some serious fatty photos that will follow me into the future, but at least I know that I am doing something about it.

Todays food plan:

3 x banting crakers with cheese

snack - apple and peanut butter (sugarfree)

Cottage cheese, walnut and egg salad

blueberries and yogurt

Dinner -steak and salad (she was too stressed out last night to eat much, so kept the snacks for tonight)

Beautiful days to all of you xxx

Liked yesterday using the green plan so will stay green for today.

Breakfast

coffee =0

bagel = 6

butter = 5

baby bel light cheese

snack

2 nature valley sweet and salty bars, peanut = 12

Lunch

chicken with black olives and red peppers = 3

hash browns = 6

Dinner

banana = 0

Got hungry in the evening so had

chocolate muscle milk for 3

popcorn = 5

Total points for day = 41

total cals for day = 1,516

I ordered from chipoltle and tried their sofritas - Sofritas, shredded Hodo Soy tofu marinated in a spicy sauce made from chipotle chilies, roasted poblanos, and Mexican spices - for my meatless goal. This was very spicy to me, but I did eat it. Probably won't get it again because of the spiciness.

The girl was over, I actually missed her. We had some nice conversation.

I watched the CMA awards, disappointed with the winners, I guess I think differently than the voters.

I have been sleeping better, so grateful for this. DH as more energy, he is usually crashed out in the recliner by 8:00, but he is staying awake....must be the new diet.

B: whole grain toast

L: great northern bean/avocado sandwich with lettuce & tomato, banana

S: gold fish; nature valley bar

D: TBD

work is crap...I hate it this week.

No big plans this weekend...yet.

Have a great evening! IP

Day 47:

Logging in from my phone which I hate doing, but I refuse to use my work computer,  and I just ran out of time this morning.  It was either DD or shovel. 

Cat knocked over my breakfast yogurt onto the floor,  and the  keto lunch I had planned to take has been ruined by dinnertime who added rice to it. 

So not the best way to start my day. 

I'm not sure I will continue my 100 day countdown to self enrichment.  I can't seem to prevent life from imploding  my well-being or serenity. 

Might try to go to yoga tonight.  It would be a new class, new teacher that I haven't tried before.  

Just something to get me out of this little funk I'm in today. 

NOVEMBER GOALS:

1.  Eat vegan 80:20

2.  AT LEAST two rest days per week

I found vegan ice cream at the local grocery store, and now I think I could probably go vegan 100%. It is so delicious! It's made with coconut milk.

I'm in an exercising funk this week, but I am still OK with that. I work at the gym Friday and Saturday this week, so I know i'll get two workouts in there, and BF won't let Sunday slide by without doing something. I think my consciousness is just saying "take the extra rest while you can get it" so I have enjoyed a little downtime this week.

Nothing much new to say, my coworker was nicer to me yesterday. We'll see how today goes!

I'm sorry, here I go again.  Struggling today, emotionally.

My fiance is going through a really hard time with her family and I just don't know how to support or how to resolve it - which I know I actually can't. I want to control the situation but i cannot.  It's putting me through a rollercoaster ride of emotion and I just don't know what to do - I just don't want to project all of that onto my partner.

Anywya, sorry I'm just venting.

Food today:

Skipped breakfast again

Just had 3 banting crackers with cheese and hummus.

Still wanna make steaks for dinner. 

Hi guys,

Still quite down about yesterday's culling of the wardrobe... but I've made sure to wear something today that fits and is flattering so that I can feel a little confident in my body, but the underlying feeling of disgust is strong. Sad that so much of my self-esteem is riding on how much weight I have gained.

At least I am attempting to do somethng about it, and I know that when I make active choices to change and shift my behaviour, pretty quickly my mindset also starts to shift even if there is no visible change - just have to stick to it!

PLan today:

Yogurt, blueberries

Snack - boiled egg

Lunch - baigan bharta left overs with banting wrap

Dinner - going to go fancy and make some steaks and salad :)

Feel like me and my fiance need some quality time, she's really down, and I am too broke to take her out for dinner but luckily the fridge is full... so, depending on the weird weather we're having I'm thinking of setting up a little roamntic dinner in the garden and spoling her a bit.

I have quite a full morning but plan to gym before lunch.

Have beautiful days! 

Lots of snow and icy roads......and I'm nesting for the winter.....okay by me...I'm a homebody anyway and this time of year makes it so easy to accomplish the things than the nicer weather does. 

WW rolled out it's new program for the year or so...on Monday...and everyone seems to LOVE IT!!!  I've spent the last 2 days pouring over it and I think it's a winner too. 

Basically we now have choices like never before..3 plans that we can use and switch up at will........and this suits me very well.....it keeps boredom from setting in which is one of my main issues.

The Green Plan = 100+ zero point foods which basically contain fruit and non starchy vegetables

The Blue Plan = 200+ zero point foods which contain fruits, vegetables including some starchy but not potatoes, chicken, turkey, fish,0% fat plain greek yogurt, beans  and eggs

The Purple Plan = 300+ zero point foods which contain fruit, vegetables including potatoes, beans, eggs, 0%greek yogurt, chicken, turkey, fish, some grains like oatmeal and barley, brown rice, air popped popcorn , vegetable based and whole grain pasta, tempe and tofu.

The green plan gives me 30 daily points and 42 weeklies

The blue plan gives me 23 dailies and 42 weeklies

The purple plan gives me 16 dailies and 42 weeklies

The dailies are determined by WW and are different for everyone based on age, weight, height, activity level etc.

The beauty of the program is that you can choose every day to pick a different program for the day...they prefer that we do one for 2 weeks before switching but that is not mandatory.  It does allow daily choices to be determined by what food is available that day.........or a day when you want more points to use because of a special meal or eating out.  Days when I'm more snacky than meal driven would make for a good green day...a day when there is a lot of free foods available would make for a good purple day...or a day when I just want to use specific things up and are not overly hungry might be a good blue day...right now...I think the 2 extreme days will probably be the ones I use the most...so ( green or purple)............

Since I am a person that loves to switch things up all of the time ( moving furniture around, cleaning out drawers, not having specific menus etc.)...I think this will keep my interest better than any previous program.

Today I've chosen GREEN

30 dailies plus 42 weeklies

Breakfast

1 cup coffee = 0

Aldis, mixed berry quark = 3

Snack

Banana = 0

Dinner

1/2 baked chicken breast with nutritional yeast and other seasonings = 3

lettuce, tomato, cucumber and carrots = 0

dressing= 1

1 cup hash browns with butter = 8

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So far today 15 points and 749 calories

Dinner

cereal = 11

--------------------------------------------------------

days total = 29 points and 1112 calories

1% milk = 3

Day 3 of riding before snacking 

So far haven't pulled this off, mostly because the late night snacking is happening at night and I am up till all hours. Last night 5AM because:

• Dad wouldn't get out of his chair and go to bed with his legs up so we could go out today.
• The cat wouldn't sleep in my bed, and yowled in the bathroom (I don't want dad stepping barefoot in kitty poop and the cat's having a hard time with constipation vs diarrhea... How much milk is too much milk to make a cat regular?).
• I was also just miserable with my head cold and the Nyquil didn't help.

Annual physical tomorrow. Critical step in putting myself back together and getting back to work.

Fight with dad last night because he announced he wouldn't pay for the cat's dental work and I hadn't asked him to. I identify with the cat, so him saying he wouldn't do it for the cat reminded me of how he wouldn't get me dental work as a kid.

I will work on being a better, less angry person today.