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kombucha tea 60

breakfast with healthy intentions: wrap and egg 200, avo 150, coffee 50...and a dunkin donuts french cruller 200 from coworker.!!! it didn't taste all that wonderful, but i ate it because it also didn't taste bad! LOL.

700!!! even before a snack....i guess french crullers shouldn't follow a full breakfast, lol.or at least, not a WHOLE french cruller (portion sizes matter!)

snack: almonds

lunch 1/2 a HUGE burger 400 with salad 50/dressing, grilled asparagus 100, few fries 150, croutons 100.  800

1600

snack: apple/almonds

dinner: tbd 

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took the express bus and was on time, magically. really, i need to take the earlier bus if i really want to be on time, but the earlier bus is a half hour earlier....might be time to change my hours...i should take the express bus for the rest of the month.

i'm taking the Express bus so i can sit on the entire commute for now. it's double the price and a little longer ride. (the other option is bus / train which is actually faster and cheaper, lol)

Beautiful day here..........had coffee for breakfast and chicken and cheese on pita, and mac and cheese and cake for lunch........later will probably be chili....I'm really liking the seltzer waters and i think spindrift is my favorite so far...it has 17 calories......which is negligable...so drinking one of those.  Been on the phone for the last 2 days...and haven't gotten much done around here......did go online and order the 23andme heritage/health kits today.....something we have been talking about for years....D's sister and her husband did them and were really happy with the results........so i'm hoping D will actually do his....but if not...oldest son said he would...so I ordered 2. 

Right up until midnight I was 69........and I held onto that ....fell asleep and woke up at 1:05 A.M. and had to accept the truth......I want to make this a year of accomplishments.......and make something positive out of it.  Son T and I talked for hours this morning on the phone....he thinks it's a milestone....( NOT SO SURE THAT IS THE KIND OF MILESTONE I WANT>>>LOL)....But we had a lot of laughs....and truly...today feels no different than yesterday......

Last night I got home and DH had the cauliflower and cheese pizza heated up. I thought he was going to put something on it, but he didn't. He just poured salsa and jalapenos on his and he ate it. It was just OK, I probably won't eat that again.

We did have a nature valley sweet and salty granola bar for dessert.

I went to bed at 9:15 and as expected I was awake at 1:30, ready to get up. I forced myself to go back to sleep, woke DH up a 3:00 and then I finally got up at 5:30 to get ready for work.

Tonight we are going to the highschool football game to see the girl march again. These are late dinner nights and will stop and get another salad from Wendy's or somewhere close by home.

I have a few other dishes i want to make over the weekend: 

brocolli cheddar casserole

potate pizza

butternut lasagna with mushrooms

baked ziti with spinach and mushrooms (and with ricotta or with a tofu herbed ricotta) - might be my first venture with tofu - we will see

Will be at the audition and vegetable shopping tomorrow

No Sooners, but GO BROWNS! GO INDIANS!

Have a great weekend! IP

kombucha 50

eng muffin 120, 150 avo, egg 80, chocolate 80. coffee 50. 

snack almonds

lunch: takeout from buffet - fried rice 200, turkey 200, veggies 100. 500.

snack: apple/almonds

1350

after work: sushi spicy tuna roll 500? light ice cream 300. 800.

2150.

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Still not overusing my legs, but they still are burning on the sides a little and my left ankle is def feel abused. i stood on the subway today, no seats. still a hassel for me to do. I just have to rest and start at scratch when i feel better. Still i haven't tried the Express Bus because you need a different metro card that i didn't add money to until last night. Today i'll take that bus home, i've decided..and tomorrow i'll take it to work. we'll see how sitting (there's always seats) on the bus going to and from works instead of a bus and train that i stand on. I hate right now how i am so dependant and how my body feels as rigid as someone who is 75 when i'm 37. i don't understand it...but then again, i do. i overdid walking for a few consecutive weekends and this is how my body reacts.  It's very frustrating to me. I just don't have the musculature of an athlete let alone even most people my age (in my legs, i'm talking about). my arms are actually stronger than most people my age. just frustrating all of it.

Lately,  I've been finding myself writing in the past tense.  I'm not so sure that is a healthy perspective or what I want for my diary here. 

Of course,  juicy work stories are the exception (lol).  I do a lot of venting about work here,  too. It's nice to have a safe place to unload,  but again,  should this be my focus? 

Food for thought...

I've decided to focus on the guidance of the Zen Teen book and return the other stress book written for adults.  I'm looking for tools,  not analysis. 

Today's intention is dedicated to my health.  As I mentioned earlier this week,  this Sunday starts the 100 day countdown to the end of the year.  I want to make the most of what's left of 2019.

I was supposed to go into the city today to pick up my new glasses, but the ferries weren’t running because of thick fog. Went to the gym instead. I’ll pick up glasses on Monday. 

Menu:

B: porridge/raspberries/almond milk, tea w/soy milk

S: coconut/almond cappuccino, quinoa/cranberry bar

L: chicken breast sandwich

S: salad

D: leftover veg curry w/tofu and prawns, diet lime tonic 

Total:  1224

Gym: 

treadmill - (intervals uphill and speed) - 10 mins

elliptical - 10 mins

rowing machine - 5 mins

recumbent bike -  15 mins

Leg press (20kg) - 3 sets of 10

Day 10/60

Still behind on reading and commenting on logs.

Pro organizer came today. I just want to hug her for a completely inappropriate length of time. Kind of like the abominable snow man hugged daffy duck and bugs bunny. The trash and recycling bins are piled high. We filled 5. I think that brings the number of filled bins since I moved in and broke my neck to 32. I can’t even imagine how there were 32 bins of trash and recycling in here. It still feels like there is no space. I took an entire backseat worth of stuff to Goodwill. I have bags and bags of e-waste to take to hazmat roundup on saturday. We found 20+ boxes of my mom’s papers to go through that I moved to a more accessible room. I haven’t shown her my dad’s closet yet. I don’t want her to run away... she has to come back. If I had to choose between my ex and the professional organizer... I would pick her. I showed her the bike trainer I bought and said “I have total confidence and faith in you that I will get to set this up in that room.”

Garmin says I got 12,000 steps in and burned over 5,000 calories cleaning today. No wonder I am so exhausted and weepy.

BUT... in other news, it took 4 months and God knows how many bags of cat treats... but last night my moth-eaten tom cat gave me a full on back rub... it was everything I was hoping for. He did it again today. If I can get him to do it a third time at bedtime I can probably get him to do it on request.

CELEBRATE!!!!

Got sick on Monday and didn't make it to work yesterday. I'm back at it today. No idea what's going on - I had such a bad headache that it made me nauseous, but also my muscles and joints really hurt too. Feeling much better today.

Also, I got a taste of what it will be like when BF and I are retired together LOL. He poked at me all day yesterday, which is just what he does. But being so sick yesterday, I really NOTICED, you know?! It was kind of irritating, but in a funny i-know-i-would-be-laughing-if-i-wasn't-so-sick kind of way.

It sounds like BF will go to the city tomorrow and spend some time with family, so that will be good for him. No news on Grandma this week. Status-Quo is not a bad thing.

What else...I found myself a coach. I am going to her bootcamp classes, Tuesdays and Thursdays, although I missed this last Tuesday because I was sick. I figure even coaches need a coach, and I am no longer interested in driving half an hour every time I need a push to get a workout done. I don't have the willpower for that! But if all I have to do is drive down the road a few blocks, then I can make the effort to do that. So that's been nice, and a pretty decent workout too. Her coaching style is a lot like mine, so that's cool too. Then I workout on my own on coaching days - Mondays and Fridays - since i'm already at the gym. The other days are up to me what I want to do; since i'm not training for anything, I can afford to take it easy for a couple of months.

Up early....and not at all hungry...will start with coffee and wait........today is my first walmart grocery pick up.......funny how this makes me a bit nervous......D added some things to the shopping list last night...40 pound bag of birdseed...a cooler...lol...Hope there is room in my Equinox for all this...LOL.....apparently they will send me an email...and Then I respond with their app when I'm heading in their direction.........?????  Are they tracking me at that time...what do people without I phones do?  Can they do grocery pick up?  Questions...questions...already started a load of laundry at 5:30 A.M.........Apparently I'm not the only one with grocery pick up anxiety...LOL...there are a number of you tube videos about it...LOL....And a whole lot of you tube videos about how they love it......so....today is my maiden voyage...LOL...I think this is a great way to avoid impulse buys...and makes it a lot easier to know what I'm spending because it keeps a running total....plus...flu season has started...and I will never get another flu shot unless someone hog ties me and forces it on me...my Mom died a few hours after getting hers....so this will keep me away from some extra germs....this winter....and weirdly...I got a notice last night that Michiganders should stay inside to avoid some mosquito illness that is killing people,,,,good luck with that one...

Back from the walmark pickup....and it went well........super nice people...very quick and efficient...will definately be making this a part of my regular shopping.....

Ended up eating 2 pop tarts in the car at 11......and will have chicken for lunch along with mixed berries.

On to week two with the no meat, doing well.

Tuesday night we had sweet potatoe, bean, onion quesadillas. They were pretty good, despite the kinda sweet taste from the sweet potato.

We also had to deal with the girl. She texted saying she would not be marching Friday night so we didn't have to worry about going to the game to pick her up.

Questions ensued and she said she didn't know about rehearsal or she missed the announcement, therefore the teacher said she could not march on Friday - no march no grade.

This is what I was concerned about, so I emailed the teacher and asked, I know the girl missed the reheasal and would be unable to march, however, if marching was all of her grade, how would she pass the class? Was there a schedule of dates for rehearsal so I could ensure the girl would make it? The teacher responded the dates are on the band calendar and are after school on Mondays and Thursdays. He would be more than willing to work extra with the girl, however, she would have to show diligence and be willing to take the extra instruction. He would also provide extra at 3:00 pm on Tuesday and Wednesday for the girl. And she will be willing to march on Friday.

So since DH is working early shift, he was able to pick her up after her extra instruction. I asked her if that helped. She replied it did. She also informed the teacher that she was being mocked and teased from the upper classman and getting harrassed that she was making everyone mess up because she couldn't stay in step. He told her to let him know the next time this happened.

I am just so so disappointed that others will ridicule and put you down instead of helping you get it right. I just don't understand this mentality.

On a good note though, her middle school band teacher took a creative director's position with the Northeast Ohio Youth Orchestra (NOYO) and invited her to audition this Saturday, she is super excited about this opportunity, so I guess we are going to an audition on Saturday for her.

Last night the menu had caulflower grilled cheese, but DH stopped and got us salads from Wendy's after picking up the girl from her marching practice. The salad was good. THe girl opted for chicken nuggets - no meatless for her.

However, after dinner, I did try and make the cauliflower grilled cheese for lunch today, I could not get those things to stay together. I added bread crumbs, but it really didn't help. It was very messy indeed, I was finally able to get them to stick togeher, I just had to let them cook a bit longer than I initially thought. After I got two sandwiches made I dumped the rest of it on a pizza pan and spread it thin and cooked it like that. It will be made into dinner tonight with roasted vegetables. So roasted vegetable pizza with the cauliflower crust.

I also made about four batches of kale chips - cajun spice and cayenne for DH who enjoys spicy. I made honey mustard and ranch for me. They also turned out really well and if I ever need to eat kale, I will more than likely eat it this way.

B: bowl of mini shreeded wheat, vanilla iced latte

S: CLIO yogurt bar

L: cauliflower grilled cheese, banana

D: cauliflower pizza

Didn't go to work yesterday - autumn migraine or something - still not feeling good today, but there was a conference call I couldn't miss.

The CLIO yogurt bar that is really good on the go and has enough chocolate to conquer a craving...

And the cauliflower grilled cheese - I used provolone

Have a great night, IP

Not much time to post today.  My husband is having a flare-up with his symptoms, so that took a lot of my extra time today.  And there wasn't all THAT much extra time because I couldn't get my butt out of bed.  I actually lay in bed for over 30  minutes contemplating whether I should get up or not.

Yesterday was not as successful, with my intention and mantra, as I was feeling the stress manifest itself in my neck at around 1pm.  I think the intention:  "I extend kindess and mercy to myself and others" wasn't the right one for yesterday.  And I did not return to my mantra enough throughout the day. 

Also, I have decided not to participate in the remainder of the free yoga sessions at that yoga studio I tried earlier this month.  It's not the right place for me at this time, where I am in my yoga journey.  I am going to continue with the free chair yogas, I am still signed up for free Yin Yoga at the public library.  And I really do want to try the local yoga studio nearby (the one I can ride my bike to, it's so close).  The anxiety over spending the money is what is holding me back right now --- or is it the social anxiety?  Hmmm.... I hadn't considered that.

Husband has gone with his brother to the racetrack today, so I’ll do a thorough house cleaning while he’s not underfoot. 

Planned to do my muscle workout first, but got ambitious and started cleaning. Doubt I'll get to it this afternoon.

Menu:

B: porridge/blueberries/almond milk, tea w/soy milk

S: coconut/almond milk cappuccino, quinoa cranberry bar

L: 1 bread with mayo, 1 Quorn chicken burger w/cheddar

S: 6 veg salad

D: veg curry w/tofu and prawns

S: blanched almonds

Total: 1197

Warning: Just babbling here to get my head together and restart my day.

Day 9/60 of No Contact. This may be one of the smartest things I have ever done for myself. I'm not anxiously starting at my phone wondering why he doesn't do XYZ or torturing myself. It's better than blocking his number because I'm not wondering if he tried to get ahold of me but couldn't because I blocked him. Instead I am just handling it. The lack of the little sparks of joy and the feeling like there's someone worth trying harder for is hard... It makes a big difference when you get an unexpected "Hey, how was your day?" or there's someone you can picture being on Catalina Island with in the sun and water and you just let yourself go there in your mind for a few minutes. That little extra when I wake up that let me conquer AM chores and get things moving is gone. So the kitchen is gross, I have food in the fridge I need to toss, and I haven't made up the ingredients I bought over the weekend into single serving meals yet. But last night I made myself do all the dishes, wipe out the worst of the fridge, and sweep the floor, plus I did a little work on the patio. This morning I started the laundry. A few small acts a day make a difference.

Body battery: 31... then spiked up to 68??????? I had it off while I slept because I passed out about 7 right after I showered. Then the charge on the watch ran down this am so I left it to charge. I think it gave me credit for the non-worn time and artificially boosted my score. I definitely feel more like a 14 after dad's tantrum this morning. Was supposed to run errands but am now too tired to go out... I'm in my room with the door closed and just unwinding down from stress breakdown point. Regroup, reset, and refresh... and do not end up as an episode of Snapped! Love that show, don't want to be on it.

Battle today is to get dad to go to the podiatrist (again... he keeps flaking). I called and asked for a referral to someone who will come to the house. I let him know there would be an extra charge for that. Maybe not wanting to spend the money will get him to go because apparently the prospect of losing a foot is not enough to get him to take care of himself.

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OMG it worked. He said he's ready to go to the podiatrist.

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The Costco discount Groupon is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh the months of waiting... it's here.

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Today, my "dig myself out" achievements were getting dad to the podiatrist, checking out the local senior center, signing dad up for a local bus service, and "unhooking" after a dad outing to accomplish something. I'm also making my agenda for the next two days. 

Making every day count for 60 days by putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what.

i'm a little behind on commenting here, haven't been spending as much time online at work...but i'll be back i'm sure ;) commenting....

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kombucha 80

breakfast eng muffin 120, chocolate 80, half nasty sausage 50, avocado 150, coffee 50. 

snack: almonds (neeed to buy more again !)

lunch: buffet and an english muffin from home (liking these whole wheat ones, 150 cals, really soft and tasty), roast turkey 200, bean salad 150, tomato salad 100, few olives 50. 650

snack: apple/almonds

1500

after work tbd 2 freshly made eggs 150 on a wrap 150, pumpkin yogurt 150, couple med plums 100

2050

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At the club meeting last night, the only reason i was there is because i do not want to continue saying no all the time i guess. my father was there. i was sworn in as a member. the members are all mostly really old, my father's age. it's hard to get new members there. i am not looking to be a leader, though, in this club. with  my injured state of my left ankle/shin splints, obviously i should just stay here at the union to work and hope for the best / try my best. it seems court officer is a dream but not reality. it's hard to realize this, although it is obvious i'd say.  all my life, i didn't enjoy sitting, but all my life it's what i do.  when i used to play the french horn in multiple groups, practices would be at least 2 hours long if not much more. sitting. then i got this job, and exercised so much at first because i wanted to move and not sit. but every time i push not to sit, i just sit some more. now i went to the club meeting, more sitting last night. but thing is, if i went home, i'd be on the couch anyways. perhaps it's just time to take the possibilities open to me and stop running from them. 

Just doing a whole house sweep of neatening today...and cleaning the litter boxes...maybe a bathroom swipe......bath and hair washing........loading the garbage can and putting that by the door...........kind of low key...........breakfast was coffee and toast..................jut enough to keep me busy around here.  Need to figure dinner out for D.....I think I want some leftovers.  I used to order from shutterrfly for printed photos...and it has been a long time....and it's been kind of hanging over my head...because there were so many to order in there...so finially bit the bullet last night and ordered 1 of  almost every pic.........boy has that place changed...they used to be so resonably priced......each pic was only between 9 cents and 16 cents each....but the shipping was rediculous...like $40....so once they arrive...I am shutting that account down.....and be happy to do it.

kombucha 80

breakfast: 1/2 avo 150, eng muffin and egg 200, coffee 50. 

snack: almonds

lunch: from buffet tbd with an english muffin 120, tofu 300, turkey 100, veg salad 100. 620-650.

snack: apple 100, almonds 100

1350

evening: tbd - have a meeting to attend tonight, might be some free dinner. promised i'd go to the religious club dinner - a club in the union - it's a meeting - and i promised i was going to join the club as well. must attend.

didn't eat until 8:30pm and didn't even have a big appetite. i took a bakery item from the dinner 300 and had it with almond milk 50.

1700 total. 

4day: 1865

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problem with trains on commute so i was standing extra. legs haven't had a chance to get better yet, but i'm laying low on any unnecessary exercise until October. so frustrating. i may go back to weights soon and i may just close the door on the court officer thing soon. 

As of this Sunday, September 22, there will be 100 days left in the year. 

Yesterday,  I added more things to my office area to help provide a more peaceful work environment.  Coworkers were like,  "oh look at you decorating!" (wth) but I said that i was just fixing things that have been bothering me for a while. 

As I explained to my boss,  We make our own happiness.  

The day was less stressful.  Part of it is that we're beginning the slow down in real estate.  Subtle,  but it's happening. 

My intention yesterday was "Today I want to chill,  and not take anything too personally or seriously."  I think it worked!

I find myself needing something lately, like a retreat,  a group,  a craft,  something to look forward to. 

On the scale this morning to assess the damage. Exactly the same as posted. Oh well….at least it’s not higher! So I start from here. 10 weeks and 2 days until we go to Thailand!  My swimsuits and shorts need to fit!

Shopping today. Bought unsalted blanched almonds. Good for you and filling, but not something I’d ever be tempted to binge on. So there is nothing in the house to binge on (still a partial jar of pb but I've mostly left that alone).

I’ve been busy researching and booking accommodation for next summer and it’s all done! Booked the usual week next August with granddaughters and son - near Lake Michigan. Then booked an apartment in Arlington, VA for my sister and hubby and me (and possibly brother) in Sept. 

Menu:

B: porridge/blueberries/almond milk, tea w/soy milk

S: coconut/almond milk cappuccino, last 2 oatcakes w/pb

L: 1 bread with mayo, 2 Quorn chicken burgers

S: salad

D: sweet and sour veggies/apples from our trees - with tofu and prawns

Total: 1223

Gym: 

treadmill - (intervals uphill and speed) - 10 mins

elliptical - 10 mins

rowing machine - 10 mins

recumbent bike -  15 mins

Leg press (20kg) - 3 sets of 10

I got a call from the girl yesterday, she told her her BF broke up with her, she was so distraught. I felt so bad for her - I've never seen her cry before. She usually just gets mad and pouts, but this was a new level for her. My poor baby.

DH tried to make dinner last night, but forgot some of the ingredients and it is official - I just DO NOT like red, green, yellow bell peppers. Tonight I left him specific instructions on how/what to do for dinner. I also told him he could wait until I get home.

I don't know what is worse him working day shift at 5:00 and going to bed at 8:00 to get up at 3:00 - or evening shift when I get to see him for an hour or so a day. It is truly hard to adjust to someone sleeping when I am used to doing my own thing all evening by myself. One day I am hopeful he will have a regular schedule.

Dinner: stuffed bell peppers with rice and beans (cranberry beans - first time having) they are OK, kinda like pinto beans, but NOT.

I stayed up and watched the BROWNS game!

Ensure DH was up at 3:00 and went back to sleep.

B: toast, iced vanilla latte

L: cranberry bean, cheese quesidilla

D: yamodillas with avocado, sour creams and salsa (hopefully the mushrooms and onions will get cooked tonight)

Work is slow.

No picture today, I didn't take one yesterday and nother interesting in my phone.

Have a great day!

IP

Quiet around here today...and feeling sleepy.....allergies are kicking up...but i'm used to that.....placed my first online order today for Walmart pick up...to be done on Thursday.....they recently started that....but the nearest store is 45 minutes away through some desolate forrest with nothing else for miles......so it may not be a winter option.......but i wanted to give it a try in the nice weather.  Other than being sleepy today...i'm feeling so good...no headaches or joint pain...intuitive eating has totally controlled my blood sugar....I do find that most of my cravings are for protein or grains.......but then all of a sudden I want fruits and veggies.....funny how that works.......but it has taken away any general pain that i have been having...no tylenol for days...when I had almost gotten into a daily dose.......the key aside from waiting until I definately KNOW what I want...then portion control HAS TO step in......and it works like a charm......I will admit...I'm eating some crazy things at crazy times....but apparently there is a reason for it.