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AM pushups, PM arms...legs will wait a little more :) and hair removal at home
kombucha 50
breakfast bar 250 and coffee 50.
snack: wrap and egg 150, butter 100. 250.
lunch: leftovers - tofu 150 and veggies with dressing 150, popcorn150, fruit 100. 550; chocolate 50
snack: tbd chocolate 100 nuts and candy 50
1350....
dinner before workout: tbd...maybe some indian takeout?
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost and already at goal!Day 14 of 60
Not feeling so great still. Pro organizer is back today...
Ex texted me good morning again. No word from the ex on whether he wants to get together for a real Saturday night date this weekend or next. It's not about a fancy evening out... it's about getting to go out when there are fun things to do that are out of the ordinary.
Not holding my breath. It would mean not seeing one of his friends for coffee at Starbucks... every Saturday night... to which I have never been invited. What I don't get is why this friend isn't seeing his own girlfriend on Saturday nights?
If I'm going another round with him, I want a Saturday night date at least once a month. Ex is awesome... just some tweaks here and there.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!Yeah, i don't think you should push ex for what you want. honestly, if he wants more, let him show you without you asking. he should know, well, mostly know anyways. if you have to teach him too much, maybe it's not worth it.? my personal opinion only.
Two more days until the weekend; just needing to remind myself that time still goes on.
I'm trying to wrap up things at work this week so that when i'm off things can still run fairly smoothly here. There are a lot of Christmas-type things happening at work next week, and i'm sad to miss it but at the same time it's a huge relief to not have to deal with the logistics and planning of it all! There - I said it out loud! LOL
Mom will be staying with me for Christmas this year, and I have mixed feelings about it. I know I should be glad to have the extra time with her, but it's really hard for me. I never did have a great relationship with her. It's like we are distant relatives that have to put up with each other at certain times of the year. I'm sure it will be fine, just feeling some anxiety over it. Anxiety seems to be the norm for me these days.
I also need to start working out again. I've been really sporadic this month, and I really wanted to push it hard to the end of the year. This whole week has been one giant rest day, LOL. Tomorrow I have to coach, so I will get in a workout then. And hopefully on the weekend also. Once I get back at it, it will be easy to keep it up.
I hope you can get back to your schedule soon. you've had a lot going on so i guess it's normal to feel how you do. try to breathe and work thru it.
So here is an event from hell...
12/3/19 Tuesday- I get the girl and she comes over, we eat dinner, she showers and does whatever it is she does and while she is waiting on her mother to pick her up she says - oh hey I think they have bed bugs at shcool. I make a mental note and say that sucks.
12/5/19 Thursday - I don't get the girl because I was aggravated that she wants to buy her mom Starbucks because she's having a bad day. WTF!! (in my head I hear myself - her mom having a bad day taking care of her ailing husband who she cheated on with while being married to my husband - I don't care, I don't give not two not even one f&ck! And her father has had not one but two knee surgeries and is in pain everyday and goes to work and works is @ss off and never once did she say...hey my dad his having a bad day, let's take him coffee! And I go to work everyday and your dad goes to work everyday and your mom may or may not work and you want us to buy her coffee? WTF...again...NO).
12/5/19 Thursday evening - I am itching and have a string of red dots under my elbow up tricep to my armpit - I'm like WTH is this, i scratch and move on.
12/7/19 Saturday evening - I'm taking a shower and DH runs upstairs and is holding a bug...he asks 'what do you think this is? It was biting me. I say, you don't even want to know what I think! So after I get out of the shower and dressed and go down stairs I tell DH about the conversation the girl and I had on Tuesday night. He says...I don't think it's that but we check the mattresses in our bedroom and in hers for bed bugs.
12/11/19 Wednesday - I get the girl and she comes over, we eat dinner, she showers and does whatever it it she does and while she is wating on her mother to pick her up she asks - so why were my blankets and sheet messed up? I say...oh girl...well I had bites on me and your dad found a bug so we were checking for bed bugs. She says...oh, my school sent home a paper and said to spray with alchol water and if you don't like the smell of alcohol water add some fabric softener to it. My mom has spray bottles in every room in our house. (in my head I hear myself...yeah right - your mom let you live with head lice for four years, so I seriosuly doubt she is going to have alcohol spray bottles in each room of your hosue for bed bugs).Not to mention my whole body itches!
Today on my way to work, in a traffic jam from hell DH sends a picture of a bug and says I found this bug crawling on me...its a f&cking bed bug. He said he found three more in his recliner! WTF....so we have bed bugs. I AM LIVID! I am just so totally disgusted with coparenting and being a stepmother. I hate it! I told DH to throw his chair out. I just bough the other furniture in June so it is relatively new and I can't afford to buy new furniture. I am beyond mad and disgusted and I would bury my face in a whole cheese cake to not have to deal with this right now...and I still itch and feel things crawling on me!
B: ezekiel toast
S: sweet and salty bar
L: tortilini with marinara sauce
D: IDEFK!
So through with today and its not even 10:00.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!
Day 82:
I don't even know where to start. Stress Relief yoga was awful! I was not in the right frame of mind to do a restorative yoga session, and frankly, I think the teacher was not all that inspired either.
In the middle of it, I started having back spasms. I came home, took 2 Aleve, and went to bed. Yesterday, not many spasms, but my lower back ached. This morning, still dealing with difficulties, with a couple of small twitches and a tight left hamstring.
So debating if I should go to difficult yoga tonight. I know that if I don't go, there probably won't be any class, because I'm the only one that shows up. Plus, if they are changing the schedule or format in January, there are only 2 more classes of THIS class.
Still struggling with eating. I need all these codes at work to GO! NOW!
Big work drama between Associate Attorney and Queen Bee, even though Queen Bee isn't in the office! I thought AA was in the wrong, but my husband said, Why are you taking Queen's side in this??? So then I hated them both even more.
And the Boss doesn't want to work any more...Good grief!
Forget all of this. Forget calories, Fitbit steps, work drama, yoga drama, forget all of this.
I need to sit and be still, and just be.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost and already at goal!
i hope you feel better soon. With time, you will.
Well.....I've proven to myself that at 1,200 calories I just maintain.......I do have hashimotos that slows down metabolism as does my past dieting history. I have also learned how to stay at that without counting until I'm done eating in the evening. So, I'm accepting that I am apparently where I should be rather I'm happy with that or not. I'm accepting that as meeting a goal of sorts because I'm not a fan of counting food all day for myself.
In anticipation of the new year.....I plan to cut back my online time........Over the last few years it has replaced my time reading and doing other things that I really want to get back to doing again. Of course I will never give up the internet totally....but I do want to cut back on it.
I hope everyone has a happy holiday season, and a happier new year.
I'm surprised to read that you do not like counting calories, I guess because you do it so well?
PUSHUPS.?? i forgot what i did but i think i did abs, actually...walking. no extra exercise today. have a dermatologist appt that i'll be driving to, with my dad in the car.
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kombucha 60
breakfast: wrap 100, egg 100, butter 100. coffee 50. chocolate 50.
snack: almonds 100, choc 50
lunch 600.
chocolates 150 (only bc coworker put them in front of me)
almonds 100
7:45pm late dinner was Panera bread: light tasty sandwich 250, chicken soup 200. tops 500
2000 cals today, excellent :)
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost and already at goal!It occurred to me this morning that, if you and I are psychically linked, perhaps my anxieties are affecting you and I don't even know it!
Day 13 of 60
Feeling better enough that I think I will be back on the bike tomorrow and in yoga by friday. Had a dermatology appointment today. Apparenly he does not re-pierce ears.
Pro-organizer helped me get through the last of mom's "recent" boxes yesterday. I am so glad it was her going through the boxes instead of me... I had one that must have been repacked into a newer box... and found a few copies of dad's porn from the 60's and 70's. Horrifying on so many levels... and some were Playboys possibly worth selling... I had her stuff it in another box and refused to look at it or deal with it. She tried to get me to deal with it or toss it. I just wanted it buried again...
Like if you opened a box of Cheerios and found a thumb, screamed, closed it, and put it back on the shelf in front of someone else.
Trying to stay on track with eating today. So far
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Cat is suddenly pulling out his fur all over my bed. a) gross, b) scary, c) worried he's sick again.
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Ex wants to hang out again. I said how about a real date, any saturday night? Like archery or something holiday.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!Good for you for requesting a real date. Proud of you!
I think the cat got stressed because I was out of the house for a while yesterday.
I adore my ex, missed him terribly, but if I want to be happy to see him all the time, I need a few tweaks.
PB&J is always tasty, nice you can make it a little bit lighter. i'd like it with a seltzer or something on the side to fill me up, like coffee or tea.
Last night I got home and starting cooking, usually I wait and don't eat until later in the night. I roasted from acorn squash, made some dressing and some pumpkin risotto (which was in a bag). It all tasted good...except there was a spice in the risotto I didn't care for.
Between DH getting home between 1:30-2:00 and my crazy animals, I'm lucky if I am beeing getting about 4 -5 hours of sleep. Tonight I will try to go to bed earlier...I'm hoping for 10:00.
I have to get the girl tonight. I told DH if I have to wait another time for her to get home, I am not going over there anymore to get her. I will not condone this treatment, it is NOT ok to make me wait when they (the girl and her mother) know what time I get there. It is unacceptable to me...and if it happens again, I refuse to go over there to get her. This is her dad's visitation time (and he is at work) not mine. I know I sound harsh...but again it is NOT ok to accept this. AND yesterday was officially the girl's birthday and she calls DH and asks if she can buy Starbucks - DH says yes, because it is her birthday, but then she asks, can I get my mom some too. WTF??? Her mother should be buying it for her...it is her birthday! OMG I hate this woman with every bit of my being! I'm just not going to exert any more effort in this. I need to take care of my own self.
B: ezekiel toast with PB
L: PB sandwhich AND I hate about four/five sugar cookies with icing...because they were in the break room. I suck today!
D: mashed potatoes, turkey sausage (for the girl) with grilled onions and peppers
The girl wanted the cranberry creamcheese dessert, I may make it for her, I may wait until the weekend. I D K.
Work is very slow lately, I'm just hoping I can make it through the new girl without using more of my annual leave and sick leave.
Have a great evening iP!
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!There's a lot of sugar crap at my office too. Finding it very hard to resist.
love your sausage and peppers. i want to make this.
cranberries with cheesecake....great idea. i may have to make this at some point,too.
Bright sun and bitter cold....D at the dentist...and I'm home trying to figure out why the printer prints pictures and no text......
Still eating the things that need to be used up........apparently i've learned the fine art of maintenence...scales haven't moved in apparently a long time. I heard last night that we burn 1 calorie per minute when we are sitting down......that is 1,440 calories burned per day just existing in a chair or bed..........................
AM abs..., PM probably just union meeting, maybe arm weights
KOMBUCHA 70
Breakfast bar 270 and coffee 50. 320 CHOCOLATE 150
snack: i'll have almonds 100
lunch: leftovers: cucumbers/tomato with dressing 100, briskset portion 200, fried shrimp 300, noodles 250. 850
snack apple,orange 100, Candies 50
large dinner: large fried chicken patties 500, some bread 100, salad 100, diet coke 700-750
2400 total., good.
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ate a big lunch purposely...feeling like i could stand to eat more lately since i feel thin and feel a couple lbs would do me no harm!
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost and already at goal!
when i had surgery and stuff, the first 2 days i hardly ate. and i was eating a little less going into this whole thing around 2 months ago. so, the few days all caught up in addition to also a fasting day for the Jewish religion...
i do not think it's the meds, but, i'll check that.
Day 12 of 60
Second day of antiboitics. Supposed to feel better tomorrow or the day after.
Feeling better enough that I don't want to keep spiraling in the downward trend of enslavement of taking care of dad, who has always confused parenting with child labor.His definition of what I should be doing is whatever he wants me to do whenever he wants me to do it. My definition of what I should be doing is making sure he has 3 hots and a cot, meds, medical/dental needs taken care of, and one excursion a week if there are no doctor visits.
Pro organizer is coming today. Diverting her time today from digging out that spare room to work on my papers. Unfinished paperwork is partly what is keeping me in slavery and poor self/health care.
So let's get that knocked out. If I can't ride my bike with a UTI, I need to make today count a different way.
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
You def have a good plan in store. My apt is def cluttered. I feel like i want to throw 50% of my stuff out LOL. I will def have to work on cleaning up, myself :)
Day 11 of 60
Stayed up till 4am last night for no particular reason other than I wasn't feeling well, didn't look at the clock, kept watching tv, and didn't do the things I needed to do to go to bed. Cat was trying to tell me I was up too late but I wasn't paying enough attention. Woke up just in time to get stuff done for the day that absolutely had to get done. Resetting. Cleaning a little, took a shower, making a to do list.
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Got my antibiotics and a restock of groceries from Sams Club.
Felt bad about short shifting dad the last few days whle I was sick (again). Caved on the heart-healthy diet options and got dad the Dominos pizza he has been going on and on about, but it wasn't hot, and he thinks he had better pizza when he picked up there with my mom. Not even anything I could do anything about... He had a meltdown and I went to bed early... like 6:30pm.
Am I being trained to not do anything he wants? Or trained to slavishly give in to whatever he wants?
Progress as of today: 100.7 lbs lost so far, only 56.3 lbs to go!
This cat is definitely also smart. And I think he understands what you say to him perfectly.
sounds like you are sleeping in ;)
I thought I was doing better, but I had another bought with my depression and tears and just having the blues in general. Made an appointment with the therapist to maybe start with some medication...last resort.
DH called me last night, he had fallen at work and they thought he broke his hand...after an ER trip and xrays - it is just badly bruised...thank goodness.
Last night I cooked onions, mushrooms, garlic and spinach and I put this on flat bread - this is a cheeseless pizza. It tasted good.
We decided early on that we were going to only get a few gifts for the kids for Christmas - I am doing a snowman for each of them like below...
And I was doing Zentangle as a stress relief and made these three to go on the envelopes (to distinguish) which snowman belongs to who....I thought they turned out nice - or at least it helped me.
I think the V is my favorite.
I took the dogs and went to get gas last night. THese little guys just love to drive in the car.
Have a great day! IP
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!Your dinner of cheeseless pizza sounds amazing and your art is also amazing!..i like them all, i think i like them all the same and cannot choose which one is best...but if i had to - the K or J is my personal favorite! :) It takes a lot of patience to do that kind of art!
Hi everyone,
We got called to Grandma's bedside this weekend, and she passed early Monday morning. Once she started to decline, it happened very quickly. No more suffering.
Just got back to work today; no coaching for me until Friday; funeral services will be late next week. Then Christmas. I'm so sad.
Day 80: Intention: whatever happens, I know I have it in me to land on my feet and start walking forward again.
Yesterday, I decided to go low carb. Had oatmeal for breakfast, had a Subway sandwich for lunch. Dinner was pretty much keto, though. I thought I was doing more plant based choices, but looking back, I can see that this is not so.
Frustrated but not worried. I'll figure this out.
One of my first thoughts this morning was the realization that it's not Friday yet. Then I realized I have Stress Reduction yoga class tonight. Oh that inertia that Happy was taking about. How much easier it would be to stay home tonight.
But I will go, even if I have to give myself a little mental push. Tonight's class will be very slow and restorative. Very relaxing. Probably just what I need.
Today I feel a little more lifted. It will be a good day.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost and already at goal!
Day 79:
The best part about today was that the bathrooms at work are working again, and we have running water. I had not realized how much this was stressing me out until I was preparing my lunch, because I had to prepare extra water bottles in case there was no water to drink.
But even with this good news, the day was a struggle. I'm not sure if it's Christmas that's got me down, or being out of focus with eating, or tired, or what, but today was just a down day. I'm just not feeling the Christmas spirit. My clothes felt too tight. I was feeling uncomfortable all day, and not just clothes, but in my body and in my thoughts and in my mood.
I think a big part of it is realizing that we may have to make a decision to put down Baby Kitty. She continues to improve every day, but the fungal infection hit her nervous system hard, and her eyes, I think, may not recover at all. We finished a complete week of medicine; the vet said to give it 1-2 more weeks, but even she said that we might have to face the possibility of a "quality of life" decision eventually.
Oh my...
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost and already at goal!
I guess we'll take it one day at a time. Perhaps it would help me more not to look too far ahead.
I'm really sorry about your kitty. you have tried to help her as much as you could.
You are right about Kitty: we have done everything we can for her. The rest is out of our control, so best not to dwell that which I cannot control.
I hope the spirit of Christmas catches up with you soon.
AM Abs, pm bike or rest
kombucha 50
breakfast/snack: wrap with egg 150, avo 150, coffee 50, chocolate 50, 100
snack: almonds
lunch: meat 200 not much, veggies 200, popcorn 200. small espresso from coworker. 600.
Snack: small cake thing 100?; almonds 100, chocolate 100 (not feeling my best, so having the sugar is just a coping thing)
Dinner 600 was blueberries tomatoes and dumplings
2050 total
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I was anxious this morning on the train and also had a panic attack while driving yesterday on the highway and had to pull over. i'm hopeful that i'll get over these feelings by taking a breather. any suggestions you have, i'm open to them all. After being back to work a week, it seems i need to work on some things now that are coming back some unwelcome, but, i can get over them, i know...although it's frustrating to face some of the anxious thoughts again.
Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost and already at goal!
How scary to have an attack while driving! You did the right thing by pulling over to "reset" yourself. In fact, you may find that you have days where you are pausing to "reset" yourself more often, and then you will have better days where it's not necessary. I would encourage you to trust the process and trust in yourself & your abilities.
I've read that when you're in the middle of an anxiety episode, that it's helpful to focus on a series of sensory things to "reset" yourself. So it would be something like, Find 4 things of a certain color, identify 3 things of a certain shape, identify 2 different sounds, 1 scent....
I'm thinking about looking into meditation techniques to help me during work. This might help you too. It's about stepping back, focusing on breathing, centering yourself -- kind of like what we do when we get dizzy. We stop, slow down, refocus, and then move on.
(((hugs)))
I left work early Friday - not sure why, I just didn't want to be there. I got home and DH was gone, he went with a friend to lunch. but we put up the Christmas tree when he got home.
Saturday I get up and go get my hair cut and touched up - covered the gray. I went with DH to his company's Christmas dinner. It was nice. I do get uncomfortable as I do not know these people nor do I want to. We sat in a photo booth and had our caricatures drawn. And then we drive home after the prizes were given away....we didn't win. I ate a small piece of roast and 1/2 piece of cheesecake...this was a big mistake. My body says WHY? I had bathroom issues all day on Sunday and some cramping. So won't be eating meat again anytime soon....or dairy.
Sunday laundry day and house clean day. DH went to pick the girl up and take her to orchestra rehearsal. He does this because her mom won't....she would rather go pick up the 'family friend' from work than take her daughter to an extra currircular activity..DH doesn't mind, but I have an attitude with it. Sunday we had brocoli potatoe soup and baked beans.
Here is the caricature from this weekend.
Dinner tonight, probably baked potatoe with onions, mushrooms and spinach.
Have a great day. IP
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 118.9 lbs to go!
I love the caricatures - quite cleverly done!
Spent some time this weekend looking at expiration dates on groceries on hand and found a lot of foods that are either out of date ( they don't scare me)...or the dates are getting close...so I need to concentrate on using these things up...I also have a lot of prepared leftovers in the freezer, some identifiable and some mystery packages. This stuff just needs to be used up.....since I am now counting calories I think I can figure out calories on all of it one way or another. It's been a year since I cleaned out the freezer so basically it is mainly 1 year old or less......and the things in the house closet just need to be used up......so today I think I will just start using what needs to be used up......I've decided to just use whatever needs to be used the most first.....( guess I should take vitamins)
OPERATION....USE THIS JUNK UP...With pictures and calories
Breakfast 7:00
1 cup coffee = 2 cals, 1 cup decaf coffee = 5 cals, 1/2 cup liquid egg whites ( need to be used up because the carton is open = 67 cals), 1 expired container yogurt = 130 cals
7:40 Multi vitamin, extra C, extra D, Extra omegas, B12, turmeric
Full of energy again today and feeling really good......some sorting of boxes going on today and I think plenty will end up in the trash......where, in the past I had brought a lot of things up to sort...and then just got overwhelmed by it...so now the sorting will happen today....I am really happier without all of the clutter.... also a pile of shirts that need buttons sewn back on has taken over the dresser...I'm tired of looking at that pile grow...today....I sew on buttons or mend those. I'm also going to isolate some bottles of perfume, lotions, oils etc including make up....and work on tossing or using those up....and putting the newer things away for later. Less shopping, more using things up.......clutter makes me uncomfortable.
It depends on what the food is, but I too have a lot of leeway with expiration dates.
how did you get the eggwhites in a perfect square? microwave?
Hope you have a good day! Do you have the day off by any chance?
I don't have the day off haha...but i am just going with the flow today and working on feeling more relaxed.
BearCountryGG on 12/12/2019:
Yes for feeling more relaxed.....!!! We put ourselves through so much stress sometimes that we forget to just live and find joy in some simpler things.....I'm happy to see you are leaning in that direction too.
yes, i'm working on it and have a ways to go still...still feeling a little to anxious but working on it. i also think it's due to a certain medicine i'm taking and i called and left a message about that with my doctor...waiting to hear back tonight when she comes in (she starts at 6pm).
yes, i'm working on it and have a ways to go still...still feeling a little to anxious but working on it. i also think it's due to a certain medicine i'm taking and i called and left a message about that with my doctor...waiting to hear back tonight when she comes in (she starts at 6pm).
yes, i'm working on it and have a ways to go still...still feeling a little to anxious but working on it. i also think it's due to a certain medicine i'm taking and i called and left a message about that with my doctor...waiting to hear back tonight when she comes in (she starts at 6pm).
yes, i'm working on it and have a ways to go still...still feeling a little to anxious but working on it. i also think it's due to a certain medicine i'm taking and i called and left a message about that with my doctor...waiting to hear back tonight when she comes in (she starts at 6pm).
wow...sorry about 4 of the same.
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