I recently realized something that kind of boggles my mind....This winter I had purchased 3 heavy fluffy fleece type tops because I get cold in the winter..( D as well as the doctor says to keep the house temp 68 degrees year around with a window cracked open)......i get cold year around at that temp...plus I'm Hypothyroid which makes me cold too....so these three warm heavy tops were so comfy this winter...but I also notice that when I'm wearing them I just want to snuggle up and watch tv or read.......I don't really want to move around..........then I realized that if I wore short sleeved tops...i moved around a lot more because apparently my body was trying to create warmth itself...so a lot more gets done........that also burns calories.  I was a child of the 50's where we HAD to wear dresses to school....which basically also required dressier shoes......we froze in the winter...little cotton dresses and black patent leather shoes aren't very warm in the winter.  We were allowed to put some pants on for the walk to school and during recess...but they came off when our coats came off......we had rubber boots that you wear your shoes in...not warm...but waterproof....We were cold and we lived with it....funny how over the next many years I kept that style of dressing...I wore sleeveless tops in the winter.....I had a sweater that I put on as needed...but basically...I continued to dress that way for the first 40 years of my life........and I stayed thin......And through those years I also had a very limited wardrobe...I wore what I had and never considered adding to it unless totally necessary.....Then....suddenly I started shopping for fun from a discount store that carried designer clothes at a steep discount and my wardrobe suddenly grew and grew...I bought warm clothes and bought and bought....and I started gaining weight........I got sedentary....started drinking diet and regular pop....got even more sedentary.....ate more, sat more, drank pop more, was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, uterine fibroids, endometriosis, ...lost wt, gained it back, and since then i have fought the wt...on and off and on and off....what changed?  I had spent my first 40 years wearing basically the same clothes year around in 4 season Michigan.....I was moving to stay warm, I was burning calories...I was healthier...yes...when I was thin I did have PCOS, asthma, allergies and the after affects of a heart attack during surgery for the PCOS....but I kept busy and stayed thin......it was when I started wearing warm snuggly clothes during the winter that i started putting the weight on...is it a coicidence?  I have to wonder........Today no matter how cold I get...I'm wearing short sleeves..........as a test.

Edit...WOW...what a difference, short sleeves for me from now on...no matter the weather.....staying warm or over warm just makes me lazy and sleepy...being cool to chilly is energizing.

Lots to keep busy with today.....seems like there is no reason why not to literally work around here every day for at least 8 hours.......I loved having a job yet when i retired I stopped keeping busy all day.....and now I wonder why................this place provides plenty of things to do.  While activity really in the long run actually burns few calories it does help keep me from being sedentary, and it does provide ways to keep limber............it also keeps me from eating other than planned meals.  I guess when I retired i decided to just sit down and try to enjoy a life of leisure since I was no longer punching a time clock........but looking back now I can see that i was happier staying busy.........I have always believed that home needs to be run like a business because basically that is what it is.......and it allowed us to have a nice comfortable retirement........but the business should not have stopped because of retirement...it should have just become easier to run......Since I have taken the emphasis off of dieting and put it on staying busy clothes are getting looser again.........and i am feeling better in general.  Still avoiding the scales although I did get new batteries and it is ready in case I want to check on it....but I'm better not doing that.  I guess the main thing for myself...is that I will self regulate without thinking about it as long as I don't dwell on a diet or weigh ins or calories..........the non diet diet...what a novel idea for me...but it makes sense. 

Getting a lot done, large equipment delivery today, a walk behind brushhog so that D doesn't have to wrestle the big one onto the tractor.....sold the big one...YEAH.......got rid of some ladders last night too.....still some unneeded tools and equipment here to get rid of...but making it all easier for D will be a lot better.  This place will be as old age friendly as we can make it soon.  Neighbors are doing the same thing at their houses right now too.......nifty little community we have going on here right now.  We really all understand each other and why we are living so remotely.  It is a nice life here.

Up a little after 6 and not hungry...so starting with coffee and waiting for hunger to hit.  I think today will be a bedroom declutter.....too many odds and ends have made their way there and they just aren't working....I had thought that keeping the exercise equipment in there would make it more of an incentive to use...but now I believe the opposite...any equipment in there is going to the basement.........i need to spot clean the rolling luggage...and just generally declutter...not starting closets or drawers though...that will be for another day...will also dust and vaccum in there......would also be nice to declutter the master bath if I have the energy....yesterday I was so lazy AND UNMOTIVATED...today I want to get things accomplished......funny how that mood changes so often.   Also remembered i had put bulk chicken and ground beef in the fridge 2 days ago...and forgot to package them...UGH...HAS to be done today or I will lose them all together.  Definately feeling the need to load up my cars backseat again for the thrift shop.....the older I get ( and it's happening way too fast)....the less I want to have to dust and push around.......and deal with........after yesterdays rather unhealthy meals I am definately wanting something a bit better today......I do seem to balance myself out like that...including with cals........I really do think I would benefit just listening to myself more instead of trying to follow a "program"........I really do self regulate all across the board...why did I ever think I needed to have to follow a "diet"...or a book.....?  I really just need to listen to my body....it worked just fine for 40 years....until I fell into that trap.................

Not hungry...had coffee...not eating until the need arises......getting that room fixed up now.

Making good headway on the master Bd rm......had a quick breakfast when I felt the hunger........so far the desk is cleared off......and organized...bed made, some others things neatened up........things just seem to end up there......need to start taking things directly to the basement......new habit to be started today!!

Chicken in the oven and starting to smell good.  Roasting more potatoes...so easy, the tiny yellow ones are so clean all I have to do is wash them off, add a little olive oil and seasonings and roast until done........way easy.  Haven't decided about what veggie yet.....

Yesterday was busy...and got a lot done that had kind of been hanging over my head......today the septic gets pumped..."LOVELY".....but a country necessity..Got up at 5:30 and made biscuits and sausage gravy for breakfast........D is working outside all day so he needed something hearty to stick with him......I couldn't resist too.....it has been a very long time since I made that.  BUT...it made me sleepy and I went back to bed again.....something for me to remember........but at 10...I'm still full... so snacking averted.  Bath done now and time to get busy around here.........simple lunch of hot dogs, a veg and chips because people will be coming and going around here all day so it has to be quick and easy....D is selling a flat bed trailer and that guy may come to pick it up today....also MR Sampson seems to like scratching the walls....UGH...so we are trying different scratching posts....I am amazed at catnip spray.....that stuff is great....tall scratching post to arrive anyday now.........his dishes got delivered to someone else in another town the other day ........I think we are spending more money on Mr Sampson than we did babies...LOL.....

After spending a couple of days very busy...i would love to just sit down and veg today...I can see age creeping in and slowing me down more and more......just doing some easy things today...........need to book a hotel for the 24th....need to balance bank books, need to gather trash to take to the rd.....need to download some things to my card.....probably another nap....UGH

Yesterday confirmed what i guess I already knew.......The busier I am...the less I eat.......Basically when I'm not counting as I go and count at the end of the day...I generally eat between 900 and 1,500 cals a day.  I doubt I have eaten 2,200 in a day in the last year, counting or not.  I do know that a 1,500 cal day means maintenance for me...1,200 cals or less equals wt loss.

Lately coffee makes me jittery...1 cup consumed within a 2 hour period just doesn't work well for me anymore...i used to be able to drink 2 cups one after another....not now.  One thing I am finding is that when i get caffeine jitters.....I need to go take my vitamins...that usually helps...if not then I take tylenol...that always stops it.  I do have a lot less problem with the flavored coffee pods.....the ones I've been using lately are just coffee...plain..from different companies....i had to throw out some BOLD pods....they put me into such a state of mind I NEVER want to go back to......it was beyond jitters....

Yesterday was a final test and confirmation for me.......When I am busy all day then I eat an appropriate number of cals all day...when i am idle.....I eat the wrong things and too many of them. 

It all explains a lot to me....I had no weight problem until I hit around my 40's...and stress got high.  After that  I ate from stress and because I was eating from stress and not hunger for a short period of time..I created a new norm and began to eat differently.  The weight came on and to deal with the stress of that I ate more...dieted, put it back on and dieted and put it back on again...over and over.....food went from something I used for nutrition to something I used for comfort. 

I now know that dieting is not my problem......being idle is.  Starting today I am going back to what I did for my first 40 years and that is to eat only from hunger and nutrition......I'm taking the words weight loss diet out of my vocabulary and I'm going to concentrate of staying busy instead......it worked for 40 years and it should work again......I have met so many people that say they have been dieting their whole adult life......and they are not happy about it.  It's a drag...that is for sure.  I created this awful habit and i can change it.

I actually had a big well rounded healthy and satisfying breakfast...and then got busy around here...made a phone call to walmart about a lost pkg and resolved it FINALLY...took 3 times though.  Looked up some info for D, sent him off with 4 bills to mail,Got some meat out of freezer for noon meal, took a bath and got dressed and got started on deep cleaning the laundry room and will do up all laundry at the same time, will deep clean the half bath too.  Will make bed and then see what time it is when those things are done.

I did get a lot of things done today...made a nice healthy lunch and then just had a snack for the afternoon........helped D load a piece of tacter equipment on a trailer.....and just stayed busy all day....5 loads laundry.....and I'm ready to settle down now and maybe watch a movie.  It's been a really productive day all the way around...

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all of the Moms!!!!!

Up at 5:00 and made a healthy breakfast. 

2 egg omelette with peppers and onions

2 turkey sausage patties

1 slice whole grain toast with spray butter

1 cup coffee

D suggested we go out for dinner today but I know in this little town that the few restaurants we have will be packed so we will go another day when it is quieter........besides...I had planned on making steaks today.......so I also just want to get some more things done around here.....Heard from the boys via mail and phone calls....Everyone is healthy and happy and that makes this Mom very happy....One is working ( assistant manager at a major Dept Store)...and other is getting over a very bad ear infection and these antibiotics are finally working...his wife is healing from her surgery and they are finally doing better....it's been a tough winter for them, health wise.

Spring yard cleanup has been what is going on here too......since D will be 71 this summer and I will be 70.....we came to some understandings and agreements yesterday......like it or not...age is not kind.....and we see regular loss of strength and just general energy.  We agreed that we do not want to move to an apartment, condo or senior living situation (I would be okay with those but D would not)...,so we are going to make living here in the forrest as easy on ourselves as we can.......We will be adding some things here now that help us get things done easier.......safer easier to handle equipment, selling the things that are difficult for us to use and replacing them.  We plan to do more things that just make us happy, stop worrying about things we can't change...and stop reminding each other that we are old...LOL...SO.......today I am just still in FLYLADY cleaning, decluttering and stress reducing mode..........Back to meal pics just because I eat healthier when i do that.....no pics seem to either end up in a binge or very little eating at all (like yesterday)......

391

Our main meal

Steak

roasted potatoes

sauteed onions and peppers

cucumber

soda water

590

Cool and overcast here in the forrest......and spending this saturday cleaning and rearranging things...it's a good thing....eating has been actually minimal...sweets yes....but also fish....and a couple of other things...but it does truly seem like I can easily trade eating and housecleaning up very easily...it's always been that way...I guess when I get stressed..I just sit down and eat.....when I plan a day of cleaning.......I have very little appetite....as Legs said.....trading one addiction for another does work......

There is a lot of satisfaction for me in having a clean and well organized house...there is a lot of momentary satisfaction and a looong unhappy time with eating the wrong things at the wrong times.........

I guess that housecleaning will be my addiction of choice...because Kaboom  and food just do not mix...LOL

Tomorrow.....back to the pictures because I make better choices then...and tomorrow will be another huge cleaning day because i eat less then...time to stack the deck for success!!!!

My agrivation with myself............parents that were sugarholics...especially chocolate...set the standard....chocolate is not to be frowned on...in fact my Moms chocolate addiction was a part of her funeral....her addiction started as a child living across the street from a grocery store....and her penchant for begging her Dad for a nickel for candy....I will say it was cute when during the service her surviving brother and sister were brought into that by the pastor.  There they were in their very advanced old age nodding and remembering the candy from the store across the street...seeing them interacting with the pastor was cute...and in their senility they still remembered....but my chocolate filled childhood is still with me......for many of my thin years I successfully avoided it........then...oddly...what started it again in my 40's was a stressful time when Perry Drug store ( now Rite Aid).....donated all of their leftover easter candy to social services.......( a sons friend was working there and they were looking for a charity to donate to).....he delivered it to us and said to take what we wanted....give away what we wanted...and take the rest to social services ( we were foster parents at the time and the social workers were thrilled)..........so that got me back into a little bit of chocolate..and it  only got worse from there...it became a "THING" again....and truly has never stopped...........is it genetics?  Is it what i was taught?  Is it lack of self control?  One thing I know is that even though my parents would actually drive to a store just for chocolate...I would not.....NO...I am a little more savvy then that...I STAY WELL STOCKED....UGH!

I will say that D has better self control with food...coming from a family where both parents were diabetic and he and 2 sisters are now....he can eat a little and stop.................and his last A1C test was great....still on meds...but great.   I'm not a good example for him........I still buy the stuff...I still put it in the cupboards.....today..I removed most of it from his sight......I don't want to continue to be a bad example for him...he needs to deal with his problem without me making it worse.

On the other had with myself having LOW blood sugar...I HAVE to have it readily available quickly...what a mess.  I take advantage of that and eat a lot of it...yet...how am I avoiding diabetes?????  My Mother and grandfather were diabetic......how am I avoiding that with my sugar addiction?  

I went off the sugar awhile back and had all kinds of medical issues...felt terrible..obviously craving the sugar.......bloated and worse.......added the sugar back and health issues settled down.......I need to get a handle on this or I will be back to my higest weight again..( been there and done that)....I have had the idea that if it is in the house it is fair game...yet i never allow myself to use it up and keep it out after that.............schwans, boxed, walmart and amazon groceries...are no help......I keep ordering, they keep delivering and I keep eating..........I have self control in every stinking area of my life...WHY NOT FOOD????????   This is not a question to anyone...I guess I am asking myself.  Maybe because i am restrained in every other area???????  Maybe because I don't want to give it up or eat in moderation...maybe because I refuse to give up my ONE VICE????........................................................................................................Food just seems to be a all or nothing thing for me.  

Why am I so weak when it comes to eating right.....?????

Well it has been a crazy busy last few days and my general routines have suffered.  Now that Mr Sampson has taken over my laundry room with his litter box, dishes and various other kitty items...the laundy baskets have taken over the bedroom and it's an obstacle course in there.....Spent the last few days drinking decaf and that was NOT going to work.  I wanted to sleep or slept, or daydreamed about sleeping about 90% of the time.  Today the regular old coffee appeared back in my life and OH what a difference.  Routines have suffered and the house is a crazy mess.  I'm thinking about getting back into the FLYLADY routines......They work and the house has never run so efficiently.  To make matters worse I found some not so low cal things in the freezer...they had been hidden for far too long.  I got them out and am determined that they just get used up...I'm shopping differently now and I really don't want to be knowing they are in there......still too many things that tempt me around here even in the cupboards.....why does food have such a draw?????  Discovered that the batteries in the scale are dead.......need to get on that.  Sounds like I'm not the only one in a funk.....Allergy season is here for us too and we can barely breathe.....the struggle is real......On a happy note Sampson is a doll and keeps us laughing.  He has taken over my recliner and that might just be a good thing...D laughed at me this morning because I sat on the couch..haven't done that for awhile....I guss Sampson moved in and became the boss....LOL

Todays food is embarassing...... a breakfast bagel, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, 2 brownies and reeses peanut butter Easter eggs and a cup of real honest to goodness coffee.  I'm just giving up and giving in for the rest of the day...and tomorrow is going to be a lot different.

Looks like a busy day around here today...lots to do.

Breakfast

bagel = 220

spray butter = 0

1 t. honey = 43

strawberries = 47

coffee = 5