So Sunday ended as a binge sort of :( It has shaken my confidence but I'm doing surprisingly well today.  Basically what happened..I took my kids to a birthday party and was quite hungry by lunch, I kinda dug into the pizza without thinking about it (3 smallish square slices), I had a few pieces off the veggie tray but it wasn't big so I didn't want to hog it to myself, ate a few chips, had a pretty big chocolate chip cookie. It didn't even feel like much food, but we all know the big caloric load of these types. I felt bad about it. Then, I went grocery shopping right after the party, and saw these discounted pillsbury cinnamon cookie dough pre-made cookies...I was already feeling discouraged from making bad choices and I started to get thoughts about these cookies like "well I can start calorie counting again, and these are only 150 so I should definitely get a few pkgs" etc. I already had an open pkg at home, so as soon as I got home I had one, then a couple sour key candies on the counter..and started on the Easter candy. My husband made a big dinner of homemade tomato sauce, meatballs, linguine, mom brought fresh bread...I thought I'll make cauliflower and at least have veggies ready to eat. I continued my overeating because my brain tells me it's okay - you'll start tomorrow! And the food is sooooo good, and I've already screwed up, that i just don't care in that moment. But that's how I end up staying the same weight for years on end. I suppose at least I never really gain weight is one good thing..

Of course my weight is up 2.5 lbs. Yes, it'll come off quickly if I resume good eating habits. This works fine to maintain weight, and I did it frequently when I was 110. BUT, how do I break this cycle to lose weight??? It doesn't matter what my eating plan is, if I'm eating low calories, moderate amount or even maintenance - I do this little dance repeatedly over & over.

Any words of advice are welcome. Clearly I'm just struggling with this, and it's not even because i'm undereating and hungry. I think it's just that i'll use ANY excuse to eat stuff that tastes good and my lower brain is sure great at finding those.. 

Things are going great! I fee like I have a new lease on life. No wondering what my breakfast calories are this morning at a chic restaurant we found to go to while the kids are at an art class for a couple hours.

Breakfast: English muffin with sunny egg, white cheddar, smoky bacon and they put on pickled chilies and tomato chili jam -prob the best I've ever had- and had some of hubby's potatoes. I enjoyed myself in a way I haven't in some time.

 Lunch: In a hurry bc I had an appt at salon to get my highlights updated. Had lots of papaya, few apple slices, some bites of yesterdays dinner leftovers. 
 

Dinner: tomato salad, buckwheat grain (my mom cooked this) and 2 slices potica (she made this too..it's like an ethnic sweet bread, you make a yeast dough and fill it with a walnut mixture). It's really good, especially with coffee which I had too. 

I had the best day I've had in a long time yesterday. I felt really good physically & mentally. I didn't obsess nearly as much about food and eating proper meals allowed me to actually feel FULL (very satisfied, not stuffed). When I constantly take small snacks, I don't ever really get that full feeling. And I lost a pound to boot. That felt easy. I hope I can keep this up. 

Breakfast: (very rushed) banana, big spoon of almond butter, brioche roll, and leftover greek yogurt with a little granola in it.

Late lunch almost 2pm: huge plate of lettuce topped with lots of beef/black bean chilli I made, cheese, frank's red hot and lime cilantro Crema. Omg was really good. Tiny bit of leftover pizza. Sparkling water with lunch then Coffee w/ cream and a couple Oreos. 

Dinner: leftover chicken, mixed vegetables, basmati rice, one tiny chocolate ball...had little appetizer of a rice cake, raw veg w/ spinach dip, few olives, couple apple slices & chips

 

Thank you so much for all your support on my entry yesterday! I didn't get a chance to update yesterday, but long story short, my "weak" time is afterschool, around 4pm. I for some reason dove into the Easter candy/chocolate. It started to go off the rails, so I ate some dinner and stopped there. Not sure what the calorie outcome was, but I felt good going to bed and woke up proud that i didn't continue into a binge.  

I think I may go back to doing three meals for awhile. The numbers are causing me issues these days, and it seems if food is always an option, I literally eat all day. That's no way to create a deficit. I know it'll be brutal for a few days adjusting to no snacks, but I believe I'll eat better this way, and less. I dont think I realize how much junk I consume when I'm not paying attention. 

Off to work, will update later. Have a great day everyone!

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Right now I'm kinda focusing on just not overeating/grazing constantly/binging. That means eating big, satiating meals for two reasons: if I eat like bird all day, sometimes I think I've got so many calories left and start snacking until I've gone way over my limit. Secondly, if I snack a lot, I don't really feel like I've eaten, and compensate by eating more. I don't really eat preperly either, because I'm far less likely to snack on salad and such. I came up with a general guideline to wait 4-5 hours between meals (I seem to keep reading that's ideal for nutrient absorption, insulin etc) but it just mainly sounds like a good way to space it out. I'll taper down the quantities if neccessary once I'm in the groove of things, but for now, I don't want my brain trying to trick me that I didn't eat that much, or eat enough, or whatever.  

Breakfast: bagel & cream cheese, banana, spoon natural peanut butter (didn't finish)

Lunch: 2 small wraps filled with spring mix, onions, mozza, feta, ham, tomato sauce, olives, squirt nando's perinaise sauce& hot sauce. 2 mini yogurts and a pure protein peppermint bar. Diet coke and yet another coffee.

Dinner: grilled chicken, roasted broccoli, salad, buttered pasta 

I have not been doing very well, calorie or weight wise. I haven't lost anything, and put back on the weight I lost in the Fall. Christmas threw me off course, never found my footing again. Hovering in low 120's. While this is theoretically fine, I feel like crap. I don't post because I hate to complain, and busier than ever! The job I took ended up being longer hours for all of March, and still occasionally is some days now dependng on what they need help with. It's great though, I enjoy it. Not teaching in the classic sense which I burned out on. 

So how to get back on track, like forever? I don't know whether calorie counting helps or hinders me. As soon as I see the number climbing into the high teens I get triggered and stop caring, eating whatever i want. I clearly have a patience issue, because i want the weight off NOW, but then I make it even worse by overeating. So dumb. I don't understand myself. 

Anyways,I'm thinking maybe publicly posting my food intake might shame me into better habits LOL

So far today only coffee (25 cals). I am usually not hungry in the morning, likely because I am crazy running around getting three kids ready, I make hubby his food/coffee to go as well, and then once they're gone, it's puppy time...then out to work. So hence the lack of appetite. I get home really early, sometimes by 11:15, or today will be a touch later at 11:45am. But never later than 1:40pm. 

Had a granola bar in the last class 100

I made another coffee to take on a long walk with the puppy 25 (i'm using up whipping cream so put half a tablespoon in)

salad 100. Probably more than this but I don't feel like weighing vegetables. I just dumped the whole bag but didn't use the kit that comes with it like dressing crouton chips etc. I figure if watery vegetables are my biggest problem, I don't really have a problem. Added some steak 150 and dressing 100

Got really hungry before kids pickup time: 
Pineapple 125
bun 100
chilli 100
Crystal light 10  
bagel and pb 175
sugar cookie 130 

 Can't sleep yet AGAIN. It's 3:45am, been up since 2 because I heard husbands email alerts coming through on his phone. Yesterday turned into a Big binge. Didn't list any of it, guessing over 3000. Damn, hard not to get discouraged. But another day means another opportunity to try again.

Read an interesting article on calorie restriction linked below. "There’s so much debate about what type of diet is better—low carbohydrates or fat, increased protein, intermittent fasting, etc.—and I think time will tell which of these are important,” said Dixit. “But CALERIE is a very well-controlled study that shows a simple reduction in calories, and no specific diet, has a remarkable effect in terms of biology and shifting the immuno-metabolic state in a direction that’s protective of human health."

 https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/calorie-restriction-trial-by-yale-researchers-reveals-key-factors-in-enhancing-human-health/?fbclid=IwAR2usbbYfvbrqlSW6SVGQa7IBbkHyTvqup6VzX8HEpqBvCb591ZyB06JbA0

Breakfast: 2 black coffees, cinnamon apple muffin - 225 

Lunch: cabbage mixture 150, low cal dumpling soup 150, flourless blender muffin 150 - 450

Snack: blueberry banana muffin - 150, homemade bagel w/ cc and jam - 180 (did a bunch of baking) 330

Dinner: pizza crust 100, goldfish 100,  gummies 50, salami/cheese 100, peanut butter 100, broccoli 50, fruit/yogurt 60 = 560 

Total: 1565

Hi Friends! Back to calorie counting. I did well for awhile with the intermittent fasting, but when I fail, I fail hard. Going down that rabbit hole made me eventually realize I just don't really buy into that theory of losing weight. Yes, lower carbs and periods of time without eating is useful in its own right, but it's cal in cal out that determines whether you lose weight. I know a lot of people disagree with that, but I've seen many people and experienced myself that it's 100% true. I know if I stuck to meals/small portions/no overeating I'd lose weight, but I guess I really like the control of cal counting and getting to eat when I want. Plus, I have read about caloric restriction and longevity, and the science seems to point to THAT being the key (but there can't be malnutrition, it must be nutrient rich).

I really desperately want to be down a few pounds, but I think moreso I just want to feel like I have a handle on this, some control. That I'm not a slave to food.

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Breakfast: homemade light cinnamon apple muffin & 2 black coffees - 225

Snack: N/A

Lunch: Cabbage saute with turkey meatballs (will have to guesstimate - I'll go back and reread HOP's advice on how to calculate veggie dishes)..okay lets see..cabbage is only 17 calories a cup so cooked would be about half a cup..say 35 for 1 cup cooked, meatballs were 25 a piece (ill have 4) and i used some spray oil (10?)  and pasta tomato sauce (25?), seasonings like bone broth powder and cube stock negligible I think, okay ill add 10, added nutritional yeast and parmesan = 275 Had Diet pepsi too. 
Also bought sugar free metamucil. It's calorie free bc we can't digest psyllium husk, so this will help fill up my stomach too, tastes reasonable. Got the berry flavour.

Snack: 49g cinnamon raisin toasted bread - 130, 15g cream cheese-40, 15ml jam-25, Starbucks coffee-5 = 200

Dinner: orange 50 chicken thigh 150 rice 150 broccoli 100 = 450

Dessert: gourmet cupcakes stepdaughter brought over 300

Bedtime: veggies 100, cupcake 300 - 400

Total 1850

Hi DD, happy new year 2022! I think I did try to do an entry awhile back, but had trouble posting and then didnt get around to it until now. Holidays were spectacular and weight gain was part of that package :) Not too much, but boy I overdid it! It's so hard when hubby usually isn't home much b/c of work, and then we spent many nights eating doritos and other junk in bed while watching tv. Some things are just worth it. Weird that he partakes once a year with me LOL. As you may remember, he is not a snacker/junk food eater.

Covid got spread around the family, but all good, no one got sick. My brother in law did only a little, one day feeling flu-ish. I think this variant is more mild compared to previous one. I'm sure it helps that we're all vaccinated (kids only partially so far). My 74 year old mother said it was worth it to spend holidays with family, as being alone all the time is no life worth living. She did not have any symptoms, thank goodness! It's funny because in all this time, what 2 years or something, I don't know anyone that got covid and then over a two week period literally every person i talk to says they all got it. Shows me how much more contagious Omicron is (but also more mild). No one had any issues, so happy to hear. I usually get a horrible cold every year, that leaves me coughing for a month or more, but since all this covid stuff, I havent had anything. Can't complain about that part ;)

Ontario is in partial lockdown. Kids have been virtual schooling since the holidays but are supposed to go back on Monday. Dare I say I have actually really enjoyed having them home this time. My oldest just turned 8 and she's completely independent, even my 5  yr old twins can do it alone with exception I log them on.

Okay, weight stuff. So, I really, realllllly struggled to get back on track. I tried and tried to no avail. I'd have a good day, but then followed by numerous bad days. I actually didn't gain weight over Christmas, but more so afterwards. Two days ago when I was planning to start a strict calorie counting diet, I weighed myself and was 120.6. I thought to myself, if I can eat THAT much (eating until way past satisfaction, usually feeling sick) I don't need a strict diet, I just need some kind of normalcy. Never had luck with it before, but decided to give it a real go. 

I decided to do Intermittent fasting like a youtuber I had watched with a similar lifestyle to mine. It's not letting me copy & paste but the channel is called the Daily Connoisseur (Jennifer Scott). I think sometimes I watch people who are in such a different stage of life that it's very hard to replicate their patterns. Young, single 20-somethings are fun to watch but its not realistic for me. Long story short, I've had the best couple of days I've had in ages. Basically, I am aiming for three meals and one dessert per day eaten between 9am-5pm. This is what she does and it really works for me. Many people do different windows but hers very much agrees with my lifestyle. I know there is no magic, its the calories, but a different way to corral them. I immediately lost the 2-3 lbs I put on and I'm aiming to makes plates of food instead of snacking my way through the day. I'd like to post my meals for accountability but this site isn't letting me post more than one picture. I'll try.

Just wanted to update and hope I can keep myself on track with this.

Breakfast: Egg white French toast, blueberries & banana, plain yogurt which I sweeten myself with vanilla bean and sugar free syrup.

Lunch: buttered noodles, meat sauce I made, garden salad (no rhyme or reason why it's posting sideways)

Coffee time: Starbucks black coffee and chocolate chip cookie (with icing on it I tried to scrape off). Yet again it's sideways :-/

I haven't been weighing super frequently but I do keep an eye out. Not sure how my weight dropped to 116.6 but I'll take it. Wow. I should check my scale is accurate with weights.  

I feel like I've been getting the hang of things much better. I haven't had perfect days and I have not had any low-calorie days, but it seems that the lack of overeating/binging is allowing my weight to drop. I'm trying to give myself 1600 cal a day and I just track it in this little app I used to use many years ago when I maintained around 110. It's not a tracker like my fitness pal, it's more like you just write down the food and input the calories yourself so I don't have to keep it in my head but to me it's much faster than the typical trackers. I suppose a beginner would be confused but since I know calories really well it's easy for me just pop it in there real fast when I'm eating. It helps me keep things under control because when I try to do it in my head I easily forget and then I give up Because I have no idea what number I'm at anymore. While most days I've gone above above my limit, I'm not letting it turn into giving up

this group has been infinitely helpful. While it's no secret that dieters should be heavy on vegetables and fruits, I never really acted on that knowledge enough. Like last night when I was making dinner, since I didn't have to focus on my husband who eats big proper meals, I made myself eggplant parmigiana, asparagus, and stuff like that which filled me up and kept the calories low. I mean these are all obvious things, but it's just working differently now. I'm trying to work my day around Foods that will fill me up and foods that are fun, knowing I can eat anything I want just not all at once. Here's a picture of the eggplant thing I made in the air fryer for about 300 cals.