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Contessa - Tuesday Jun 03, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 165.4

Proof of Satan

When I was three, I remember my little gymnastics class All the little girls and boys could run jump and play as they should I moved a bit slower

When I was seven, I remember my second grade teacher She was harsher with me than any other child, for no truly good reason I cried every day after school ...and drowned my little girl sadness with cookies

When I was ten, I remember the boys They all started to get a little bit meaner and giving me nicknames Thunder Thighs, Fat, Ugly...

When I was thirteen I remember myself How discusted I was with my body, and how I struggled not to eat I felt so uncomfortable with myself

When I was sixteen, I remember gym class Swimming and running was always the worst, everyone was always waiting for me to get to the finish line

When I was nineteen, I remember freshman year of college I spent more time staring in the mirror with such self loathing, than I spent studying and making friends

When I was twenty two, I weighed the most I ever did Afer vowing to myself for years and years that this cross would be gone It was still there, heavier than ever.

And now I stand at 24. A bit more confident, and bit more stronger in my skin. Looking back, it is so sad to think how many moments of my life I have had to suffer because of my weight. How many things in life passed me by that I really don't feel I enjoyed to the fullest extent. The hard thing is that I still think about it, day in and day out. What a heavy, heavy cross this is to bear...

Progress as of today: 30.6 lbs lost so far, only 30.4 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/03/2008:
well, you are doing something about your weight so be grateful and pround of yourself for that. just so you know, i've done a TON of self lothing and eating and gaining this year. It's such a waste of existance in my opinion and like you i am now doing something about it. i have also hung out less with friends because of it...but before it is too late, i will try to make up for it, especially during the summer when i will have more time. don't forget your friends!

balloonlady on 06/03/2008:
I think we all can to some degree relate to this. It is funny how we feel like outcasts, yet there are so many like us?

Contessa - Monday Apr 28, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 165.4

Alright. So, its monday, and I'm back in the game. I have four days to get my act together for my weekly Weigh-In. I think I have made up my mind about a few things.

first of all, I'm switching to WW Core plan. I think I've been doing the Flex plan for so long, and I've grown bored. So, as of today, I have started Core. yes, I know its technically the middle of the week for me, but I think if I didn't do this, I would completely screw up the rest of my week. So, at lunch today, I'm going to run over to Trader Joes and get myself a yummy salad.

FYI-Core Plan allows me to eat basically any "whole" food... lean meat, veggies, fruit, and all grains, and I do not have to count points. The only time I have to count points is for my weekly 35, if I chose to eat some candy or something.

Its not going to be easy to make this switch, but with my friend's wedding coming up, I think this is the only thing that will get me back in gear.

Additionally, I did a super mini workout this morning... I did some female push-ups this morning when I got up. I know its nothing major, but its better than not doing anything, which is what I have been doing. I woke myself up at 6:55 this morning, so I had the extra five minutes to do something.

Part of my problem is that there is just too much I am trying to do right now. I have a lot of personal goals. Though, I am going to try to start integrating them into my daily routine. Here they are: (don't laugh)

1. Practice Turkish 2. Workout 3. Practice Piano 4. Practice voice (singing) 5. Do some domestic cleaning (lol)

I'm not going to set a min or max amount of time to do these daily yet. I just want to see if I can work on these every day. Just to clear some things up, my fiance is Turkish, and I really, really am trying to learn, I am a singer, I have a degree in vocal performance, and would like to private teach voice, but in order to do that, I need to increase my piano skills, you guys get the workout one, so I dont' think I need to explain that, and as for the cleaning, since I am getting married, I want to be able to have a rough idea as to what I will need to do to run a house! hah.

Sorry for the book! Have a great day!

Progress as of today: 30.6 lbs lost so far, only 30.4 lbs to go!

rlovell on 04/28/2008:
take everything one moment at a time and suddenly things become clearer! i, like you, tend to get down on myself about the fact that i have been wasting so much time not doing the things i really want to do. but the reality is, i am making progress each moment. also, congrats on recognizing that a switch in your plan will help you acheieve your goals. xoxo

thinnsidenotout on 04/28/2008:
Have a wonderful day!....You can do it...just allow a little "free time" to do whatever you really "WANT" to do....Even if it is to just sit outside with a cup of tea/coffee and think about nothing...My walking gives me that "free ~ think about nothing" time and truly helps the mental part of this "downsizing"

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/01/2008:
hi there! another fellow musician (although i have chosen to take MUCH time off from anything music for awhile.) Have a good day!

Contessa - Friday Apr 25, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 165.4

So, I'm having a fairly decent day here at this resort. I just got back from their jacuzzi/pool area and have avoided eating anything since lunch. I also took a 45 minute walk after lunch around the area, and my god, is it beautiful!

I'm feeling pretty good for myself, that, instead of sitting in my hotel room, or eating more, I managed to find some active things to do! Now, my fiance, and some other guys from the department have gone off to play soccer. I originally was going to join them, except, I would have been the only girl, and I was not in the mood to get my ankles and shins kicked by a bunch of grown men. That said, I think I am going to be wandering back down to the jacuzzi in a minute.

I'm really not thrilled with everything I ate for lunch. They had a buffet...and for once the buffet food was actually good! This is a mini vacation for me, so I guess I shouldn't be so hard on myself.

I still haven't had time to reasses myself. I'm working on it.

Progress as of today: 30.6 lbs lost so far, only 30.4 lbs to go!

Beth201P on 04/26/2008:
I love the jacuzzi. I can't wait until I can get back to the gym. Have a good day.

Contessa - Thursday Apr 24, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 165.4


Well, I went to my weight watchers meeting and I was up 1.8lbs!!!!! That's what I get for keeping snacks in the office! I should have known better. I'm really mad at myself. This week, I was even able to start working out. I wish I could have seen some loss instead of a gain!

I'm about to go to the ww website to re-evaluate my goals here and see what I can do.

To make matters worse, I was so ticked, that after my meeting I was really hungry and ate 3 chicken fajitas. I'm waaay over my points, and I realize now that I accomplished absolutely nothing by doing that.

I'll write more tomorrow. I'm going to a retreat with my fiance (something for his work) and I'll have a bit of downtime to write more and complain.

Progress as of today: 30.6 lbs lost so far, only 30.4 lbs to go!

crategrl on 04/24/2008:
I love to snack at work so I brought in yogurt, apples and 100 calorie popcorn and granola bars and it really helps. tomorrow is a new day with new points!

thinnsidenotout on 04/24/2008:
Oh come on!..... Think of something to be happy for... Rid of the Self-disguist complaints... You can do this!....Look where you started and remember that you won't go back there EVER AGAIN!

Tomorrow is a new day and make it one that you WILL NOT want to have a do-over on....


Contessa - Wednesday Apr 23, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 163.6

Well, at least the cheese sticks are all gone now and I can start with a clean slate. The only food I now have in my office are snap peas, and two apples.

The weather is really nice today here. I wish I had some time to take a walk, but I didn't have the time this morning, and this is the last wednesday for choir rehearsal directly after work, and then, I am going to sing karaoke with some friends of mine afterwards. I'm getting better with getting up in the mornings.

I was still late coming in to work this morning, but I am now only about 15 minutes late. Before, I was going on a half an hour. Right now, I am getting up at 7am. My goal is to get my sorry a$$ up at 6am and workout. Next week, I'm going to make myself get up at 645am and do some yoga. Yes, that's what I'll do. I really can't fit in a walk in 15 minutes.

Progress as of today: 32.4 lbs lost so far, only 28.6 lbs to go!

abdab74 on 04/23/2008:
Kudos on having a goal of an a, workout, i have never been able to pull it off...my sleepy self apparently does not think I need to lose weight! lol. Enjoy your day!

Mommy of 5 on 04/23/2008:
I do love pt counting since math is my weakness and I do better with smaller numbers. I use a "Points in your favor" book written by a local dietitian from hospital that I got at a class I went to when I was in school. It is probably a little different than WW. 57 - 94 calories is 1 point in my book. Have children and you will have no problem getting up early. Were up around here at 5:30 to 6:00 am every morning :) Have a great day!

glycrina on 04/23/2008:
Karaoke is a great way to burn calories . . . singing and dancing on stage and then laughing your butt off at everyone else!! I have been waking up early to exercise and when I started (al of 11 days ago), I couldn't get up either. So I feel your pain. I am doing it now though and when I really can't get up, I am just late for work LOL.

Beth201P on 04/23/2008:
Have a good rest of the week. Good job on getting up and out of bed. :)

thinnsidenotout on 04/23/2008:
I am not a morning person either....I am learning to be, but it isn't easy... Good Luck to you in your seeking to get up earlier and get some exercise of some kind in..

Good Day!

maria777 on 04/23/2008:
Well, you can't go wrong with snap peas and apples...those seem like pretty safe foods!

Contessa - Tuesday Apr 22, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 163.6

Okay, so I've been really busy with wedding planning and work, and I didn't get a chance to update this, but I am down another 1.2lbs! woo! I'm so glad, as after rescheduling my ww meeting to the evening, AFTER i had eaten, I definitely saw an increase in my weight the first week. Now, my weight is almost all the way down to where it was when I weighed in in the morning! Yay!

So, I've come to a realization today. I simply can't keep any fun snacks in my office for myself at all. There are some days when I'm really craving something, and there is not anything around, and it drives me crazy! So, yesterday, I went to trader joe's and got low fat cheese sticks at lunch. Well, its only a day later and the bag is almost entirely empty!! I can't believe this.

From now on the only thing I will keep in my office is fruit and veggies. This is my only answer.

Also, my boss just brough back lunch and these gourmet chocolate chip cookies. Of course, I had to eat one, but they were a bit on the big side... and now, after having 2 cheese sticks, my avocado wrap, and my chocolate cookie, I feel too full.

I'm mad at myself. Grrr. I need to lose again this week!!!

Progress as of today: 32.4 lbs lost so far, only 28.6 lbs to go!

maria777 on 04/22/2008:
I, like you, can't have too much snacks around or I will surely finish them off! Hubby LIKES to have snacks...but even tho I ask him to hide them from me, I'm easy to find them and eat them!!!

Big congratulations to you on your progress! YAYYY!!!

hollybelle on 04/22/2008:
Well you are off the hook for not posting since you lost!! Good for you! I hate that too full feeling. I think I better tell myself sugar is poison or something because lately I just don't stop.....something everyday and that's not the way I'll lose. I find keeping granola bars in purse and apples and bananas in office is one way I can eat healthy when I get in those spots where there is too much temptation. Good idea about keeping the fruit and veg in office. Hang in there!

glycrina on 04/22/2008:
I know this sounds crazy but when I start to go for the chocolate chip cookies, instead of eating one, I mourn for it. Okay, that does sound crazy, but I say to myself "I am sorry cookie, but I can't enjoy you. I will miss you and hopefully we will see each other again when I control my eating." Then I laugh a little and hope no one heard me. LOL

mmuraro on 04/22/2008:
HAHAHAHAHAHA glycrina cracks me up! What a good addition to DD! Now you, miss (not for long), CONGRATS! Another 1.2 loss is awesome, and means even more when you are busy like you are. So keep up! And send me a pic so I can see you too. hahahaha. xoox

Mommy of 5 on 04/23/2008:
Mourning for a cookie that is too funny:) but you have to do whatever works. Way to go on weight loss. Keep up the great work! Have a good day!

Contessa - Friday Apr 11, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 164.8

Oh boy, its friday. The start of a new week for me with WW. This week, I have set a goal, well, two goals for myself. My first goal is to write down EVERY teensy morsel of food I eat in my WW journal. My second goal is to drink at least 14 glasses of water EVERYDAY, and write this down in my journal as well.

Now that I think of it, I have a third goal to remember for the week. This goal was developed at my WW meeting last night. I love this new meeting. Its incredibly motivating and really seems like a big aide for me. At work, I am nearly constantly surrounded by gourmet sweets... french pastries, tarts, gourmet cupcakes, rolls, bagels, lots of wine... you get the picture, everything that is basically a toxic food... but things of such good quality, it is difficult to resist (not your typical office dougnut). I also work in a small office. There are only four of us on staff here, small company, so whether we eat or not, everyone knows. To make matters worse, I am the youngest one here, and I struggle to prove myself as a mature adult at times (I am 23 and the person closest to my age is 40). Anyway, no one else here watches their weight. I am constantly trying to be taken seriously, and people watch me to see if I eat. They know I am on weight watchers. Anyway, my goal for this week, is, once I take a piece of whatever it is, I bring it back to my desk, take one bite, and say how good it tastes, and then, when no one is looking, THROW IT AWAY!! AHH!

This will be tough. I think I can manage. I can do this!

Progress as of today: 31.2 lbs lost so far, only 29.8 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 04/11/2008:
hahaha i like your goals. especially the throw it away one! you should also bring some nice yummy grapes or strawberries and add to the tray where all the sweets are. i wonder what they would say. hehehehe.

Don't even feel ashamed of maintaining your diet. if anyone gives you a hard time at work about you not having the sweets and all, you should tell them a sad story and make them feel bad, like, my doctor said i am boderline diabetic, and if i have those sweets i can go into a coma. Hahahahaha. I don't know if i could say that to people in my office, but i definitely think it's an awesome approach for people who are getting into someone else's business. that way they'd get embarassed about their faux pas and probably wont do it again. Would be funny. :)

Anyway, good luck this week. 14 glasses is a lot, if thats hard for you, have 8 or 10 which should be enough. xoxo.

thinnsidenotout on 04/11/2008:
Oh what a great idea!.....

Hey! 40 isn't that bad.... it is just around my corner... AHHHHH!!!!

You have made great progress...looking forward to seeing you accomplish that goal

Mommy of 5 on 04/11/2008:
Those are great goals. I can't wait till I overcome my addiction to food. Then when it doesn't have so much power over me I can occasionally enjoy that wonderful dessert etc. without feeling guilty. You can do it! You are doing so well already. About the tortellini soup, it is a recipe from my aunt. It makes about 10 cups and I figured it to be 227 cal and 7g fat per cup made with turkey Italian sausage instead of pork sausage. I would be happy to share recipe. I bet those co workers say things because they themselves can't bypass the food or only eat small bites and that makes them uncomfortable to see you do it.

rlovell on 04/11/2008:
i know just what you mean about work. i work in a production house where the cabinets are literally stocked to look like a gas station convenience store- for FREE! we also order food and starbucks nearly daily. i have made it a point to bring in healthy treats for me and others to encourage healthy eating. this way, when the others are enjoying their snacks, i can have something too. also, something that helps a lot is to have gum handy and lots of tea and water when i just feel like snacking. it is a commitment to you and your health that matters and NOT what your coworkers think. good luck! xo

Beth201P on 04/11/2008:
I agree with thinnsidenotout..40 is real close. LOL Three more years for me. AHHHHHHH!!!! I think that your goals are great ones. I wish you the best of luck. You can do it!!! ((Hugs))

Contessa - Thursday Apr 10, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 164.8

So, I'm posting these pictures to show what a difference 30lbs can make...whew! And who ever said blondes have more fun???? My hair is naturally dark brown and curly... like it is now!!!!

The heavier picture of me was taken new year's eve 2006, a month after I met my fiance!! The picture of me in the blue was taken on sunday!

Progress as of today: 31.2 lbs lost so far, only 29.8 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 04/10/2008:
Yep! A WORLD of difference! You look good below, but sooo much better now. You look very pretty and like you have come a looong way! Congrats! xoxo

thinnsidenotout on 04/10/2008:
Tada!..... I will do that someday.... The before/after... I had our son take a before last week (25 pounds less than what I started at, but oh well), one this week and will take one each week after this, but I am just not ready to post my "fat" yet, until I can show some real big differences.....

Your looking great!!!!!

mmuraro on 04/11/2008:
don't worry, i'll be fine. as of now it just looks like i may have to get my gallbladder removed, which is a simple surgery. i will see it today on the ultrasound and i may have to go in today to the gastroenterologist and have an endoscopy. gotta do what i gotta do, right? I'll be fine and i dont think that will make me gain weight at all, unless i go back to eating compulsively, like i did before. xoxo.

Contessa - Thursday Apr 10, 2008

Weight: 0.0

Contessa - Thursday Apr 10, 2008
(Weight Watchers)
Weight: 164.8

So, I weighed in... I'm down 1.6lbs!!! I can't believe it! I thought for SURE I would be up because of my massive eating attack at the bridal shower on sunday. I'm very proud of myself. :-D

I think a lot of this has to do with me having this "S" Diet mentality, and drinking a sh!t load of water, lol. It definitely helped. Oh, and yeah, I have a really awesome weight watchers leader. She's incredibly motivating!

yeah! A really good week! Okay, now, let me make sure i can get another next week!

Progress as of today: 31.2 lbs lost so far, only 29.8 lbs to go!

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