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Donkey - Wednesday Aug 04, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

 Yesterday went better, although the morning didn’t feel all that great.  When I have higher sleep scores on the FitBit, I wake up feeling worse.  I slept 7 hours and had a score of 91.  Didn’t wake up early naturally, though, and it was tough getting out of bed.  I had a headache for most of the morning, even though I took Tylenol and a decongestant.  However, I was not the only one at work complaining about allergies…  So IDK.  

Yesterday was the FIRST day in a LONG time that I was successful at taking 2 “vesper” breaks during the workday.  In the morning, I basically mediated and did neck rotations; I have 3 short prayers that I recite as well.  My mantra was “I am worth of this time for myself.”  The afternoon vesper was harder to take.  I had to delay it, but I didn’t forget to take the time out!  I did some stretches that I learned at yoga, and listened to calming sounds on my phone, through the “Sleep Sounds” app.
I don’t know if it helped me handle work, though.  I think it was a better day, for me, just because Male Co-Worker was there and New Girl wasn’t.  Well, I’ll keep on trying.
I *WAS* successful in weight training last night, though.  As you may recall motivation was low and time was short in the morning.  Well, I made up for it a bit in the evening.  So I am pleased with that.  In the morning I had worked biceps & triceps.  In the evening I worked back and chest.  Felt so good to release the tension in the back and test the strength in the chest.
Eating-wise though, I’m not entirely satisfied with how I’m doing.  I would like to add fruit to my morning snack, rather than just the chicken broth – or maybe instead of the chicken broth. Yet, I seem to be reluctant to do so.  Also, I have been indulging in 2 chocolates after dinner.  I don’t need 2.  Why am I reaching for 2?  I think it’s to get rid of them, and I don’t really like that way of thinking. 

 I'm feeling frustrated with life in general.  I feel like ALL of my time during the week is just trying to get through it --- kind of like that box of chocolates!  I plod along at work, first trying to get to lunch, then trying to get through the afternoon, so that I can go home.  Then, there's not much of the day left...  Maybe 3 hours if I'm lucky.  I guess I am lucky though, as that's probably more than what other working people might get.  And at least I'm working.  There's that to be grateful for as well.
If I didn't waste so much time sleeping, LOL... 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

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Donkey - Tuesday Aug 03, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

Feeling very annoyed this morning.  I'm running very short on time.  I keep getting interrupted while trying to post here.  I didn't check my sleep score but I don't feel like I got good sleep.  Lights out at 9:31p which is good.  Woke up to Daughter making noise at 1:15am, and struggled to fall back to sleep.  I sure do miss those recent days when I was waking up naturally at 4:42am.

Well, New Girl did it to me again yesterday -- arguing with me for me to take phone calls that aren't for me.  In fact, I think I won this one, because the phone call was actually something SHE should have addressed, but she's just so eager to pass phone calls off...  I wanted to make it very clear to her, nicely, that most of the phone calls that are "for me", aren't really for me.  I'm thinking maybe just voice mails, and then I go back and write messages and give them to the people the calls were really for.  A little more work, but it might be a better process overall.

Yoga last night was a good stretch.  It was hard to rest for the remainder of the day.  I felt like doing more cardio, but I've learned, recently, that it's very important to honor my rest day.  So I ended up doing a little more cardio this morning, minimal upper body weights --- I'm hoping to have the motivation to do more this evening.

Male Co-Worker comes back today, and New Girl won't be back until Thursday, so today should be OK. 

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 08/03/2021:
Hopefully NG will take the hint soon & wise up. If not, is there a supervisor who can help?

Nice yoga workout!

Donkey on 08/03/2021:
No supervisor, just the Boss, and he doesn't get involved in HR issues.

horn_of_plenty on 08/03/2021:
Immediate boss said again to take days as i want to...it's fine :) good to check once again.

horn_of_plenty on 08/03/2021:
so yes, the other high-up guy that's not my boss was just being very annoying.

Donkey on 08/04/2021:
Maybe he thought he was being funny...

horn_of_plenty on 08/03/2021:
squatting #40 is quite good. it's more than i do. you do have a lot of lower body strength. i use a barbell, it is not more than #35...i always forget; i would have to weigh it with me and subtract my weight....it's not marked. and that's the best way to see its exact weight...even it may differ slightly from what amazon said the weight is, as i noticed once when weighing them. (diff by a pound or two). i have a slightly lighter one, not even different by #5 barbell (they are weighted and soft coated on the outside - was thinking to sell the lighter one but also know i could lose strength and want it later...) etc. i would recommend you save your money than to use these as you need to lift the barbell over your head and rest it on your shoulders, i was thinking that could be a challenge with #40 and that your system is quite fine...

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Donkey - Monday Aug 02, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

Happy Monday!!!  Well, not really, LOL.... I don't want to go to work today.  Male Co-Worker is supposed to be out today - it will be interesting to see if he really does take the day off, or if he decides he's done with the break and comes back.  He did that the last time he took days off that weren't vacation-trip involved.  Either way won't affect me.  Not today.  I just hope there aren't too many new contracts.

I started reading the packet for my Continuing Ed webinar.  I'm so glad that I did. I don't need to KNOW the material right now, but just having an idea of what will be covered will be helpful, and some of it is interesting to me, in fact.  If I finish the packet, I may go back and try to jot down some answers to the final discussion questions.  I might do some highlighting too, but right now, I'm just going over the material, so that I know what will be covered.  There are 7 sections, and I finished the 1st one yeserday.  I can do this.

I went to the gym with Husband yesterday.  We each did our own thing, and this time, pretty much finished up at the same time.  No waiting on my part, but that would have been OK, too, since I had my phone with me.  I did lower body weights, and I wouldn't call it spectacular, but did what I set out to do.  Also, 20 minutes on the elliptical.  I used the 20lb dumbbells for squats.  Could not feel any difference this morning.

My car is in the shop, so Husband will be taking me to work, so that he can have his car during the day if he needs it. I'm hoping that my daughter will pick me up from work, but if not, then Husband will come get me, unless the car is ready ahead of schedule.  Yoga tonight, so no evening bike ride.  Looking forward to a good stretch. :-)

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 08/02/2021:
Webinar sounds interesting!

Admire your consistency in weight training. I am such a flake!

Hope the car is ok.

Donkey on 08/03/2021:
The car repair cost twice as much as we were expecting. The mechanic said it was dangerous to drive.

I'll be completely honest with you: it's hard to keep motivated with the weights. But I am determined.

bearcountrygg on 08/02/2021:
Glad you 2 got go to the gym together....

Donkey on 08/03/2021:
YES, and I'm glad that Husband got out of the house and did something good for himself. I'm getting a little nervous with COVID rates going up.... We're not at the point, yet, where we're back to wearing masks at the gym.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/02/2021:
so i came back to work after vaca, and everyone was so nice...

except i was teased royally but someone i do not work for, but with. he's the general foreman of all the electricians. like the highest up. he's been with the company 40 years! yes! since he was around 21. now, he's 61. crazy! he is smart and good at what he does. he's teasing me (i hope!) telling me not to take so much time off. well,i am going to do what i want to do. i will speak to MY main boss tomorrow to make sure i'm OK. i do not owe people explanations of why i should be able to take the days i have accrued and are mine to take....he might literally make 4-5x my salary. some things aren't fair. and i'm not about to come to work on vacation days that should have been. i can actually see what he makes, should have done the math last time...i will look into it when i can, obviously i have to be careful. it's actually easy to see on the computer. should be interesting to see. he's on the time sheets that are checked. as his salary isn't really special, but he is paid a little extra OT religiously as part of his salary.

you'll be set even by just reading thru the package as most people will not beforehand. it's good you do, you'll feel better about it when the course is going on and taking of those review tests.

nice job doing squats with extra weight. that's a lot of weight. did you hold both, so that you were squatting an extra total of 40#? that's good! you can also maybe hold a kettlebell with both hands when squatting.

have a nice stretch. i have a feeling that later on in life, like a decade?, i'll be doing more yoga or stretching also. i already stretch a bit during the day...just a little, but i always do a little something. it feels good.

Donkey on 08/03/2021:
Good idea to check in with your immediate boss to make sure it's OK that you're taking time off. Just like a reality check. The other guy might just be razzing you for kicks.

For the dumbbell squats, I had 20# in each hand (both hands?). I didn't realize I was squatting with 40 pounds - right!

You will find towards your late 40s that things like flexibility and balance suddenly become more important. I never gave a 2nd thought to either of these when I was in my 30's. I kind of wish I had, or at least gotten started earlier on with the yoga.

KathyBlue on 08/03/2021:
Woohoo interesting about the webinar! Of course you can do it.

Going to the gym with hubby sounds nice. It's actually rare to see couples in the gym... I always wished for something like that but if I wanted to be 100% honest, I'd go with my partner just fine but I'd prefer working out separately. I really need my own music at my own pace and own terms. It's my alone time and I don't like interruptions. Sometimes people come to me to talk and I really hate that... I'm VERY social but EXTREMELY antisocial when I'm focusing on myself (aka working out).

Donkey on 08/03/2021:
I should be clear, we go to the gym together, but there is very little that we do together when we're there, because of his limitations and my goals.

Still, I do consider it a "together" thing. I think it'd be much harder on us as a couple, if we were REALLY into working out together-together, and then one of us couldn't because of illness or injury.

Jacky82020 on 08/03/2021:
At least you keep up with the weights. I never could

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Donkey - Sunday Aug 01, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

I feel much better today.  Thank you all for your helpful comments and positive thoughts.  If nothing else, I realize that I need to focus on my mental health as much as my physical health, so I will add this to my monthly goals for August.

Yesterday at the gym was OK.  I did what I had to do and came straight home.  No steam room, no shower, just came home, which for yesterday was fine.  

Oh my gosh, Husband is in such a chatty mood this morning... I'm finding it hard to write here or even concentrate on anything, because he's just chatting on and on and on....  Am I at work?  Is my Boss here?

I have the gym planned for today; I'm not sure if Chatty Hubby will come with me or not.  I would prefer a quick session again, but if he wants to come along, I'd much rather see him get out and have exercise than not.   If he comes along, I will accommodate. 

I'm thinking that we're heading towards wearing masks again...  Hey, if it keeps stores, gyms, businesses, schools open - let's all wear masks.  I'm completely OK with a mask if it keeps people working and living.  Some stores are asking people to wear masks again.  The gym hasn't done that yet, but I think it's just a matter of time.  Again, if it keeps us open, let's do it.

Finishing up some extra laundry and I hope to read over some of the Continuing Ed packet today.  Relaxing for the week ahead...

AFTERNOON EDIT:  Updated August goals, in bold.


August Goals:

  • Continue to use Lose It app - stay at or below 135.
  • Observe my "vespars" alarms at work - to take breaks, relax, and re-center.  The alarms go off at 10:25am and 3:15p. 
  • Take a walk around my neighborhood 1x a week.  Can be morning or evening.
  • Write down 1 thing I am grateful for, each day

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 08/01/2021:
i wrote one more comment, to your previous entry.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I commented - thank you! You made a good point that did not escape me :-)

Jacky82020 on 08/01/2021:
Yes, more covid restrictions & masks. Possible boosters late this year or early 2022, at least for some. Heard vaccine rate has doubled in some heretofore reluctant states,

Ordered some bright turquoise N95s from Amazon. Tight fit & that’s what. you want.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I hear about a Pfizer booster, but not a Moderna one, and I had the Moderna shots.

I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting to see... Huge debates about the school district's policy on masks. Unfortunately I live around a lot of ignorant people.

happy-1 on 08/01/2021:
1. New girl is a bully. I wish I could coach you on this. If someone says they don’t like something about me, I give them feedback about them as well and suggest we both work on stuff. No idea how effective this strategy is. 2. Have you ever been tested for ADHD? 3. Lack of quality sleep triggers despair even in 100% normal people. It’s supposed to make you crawl into a ball and sleep longer. 5. I hate my birthday too. 6. N95s from Amazon are very likely fakes. Order from a reputable retailer without a marketplace, even if they are more expensive. Eye protection and covering your hair are also important.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
1. Yes, I kind of feel like she's a bully. Mistakes Girl has felt this too. Ha ha, I wish I had thought about coming back with her with her shortcomings at the time.

2. I have not been tested for ADHD. It was not an issue when I was in school.

3. True. And I wonder if my 95 sleep score last night is why I'm feeling much, much better today.

5. Thank you. It helps to know I'm not alone in feeling that way.

6. I'm OK with the paper masks and cloth masks that I own. I'm even OK with double-masking, if we get to that point. I had not heard about the covering-hair part. There is a box of face shields at work, too, if we get to that point.

happy-1 on 08/01/2021:
And also that the office structure leaves gaps for bullies to emerge is an indication of increasingly poor management.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
HUGE big-time YES on this one. My boss has owned several businesses in his lifetime (furniture store, children's clothing store, mortgage company, law firm, ... maybe 1 or 2 more I don't know about ... and he has ALWAYS been a VERY BAD HR manager.

bearcountrygg on 08/01/2021:
D gets chatty sometimes too...and keeps interrupting especially when I'm writing checks or doing something that I need to get right..I swear he does it on purpose...I've always suspected that because he was the second child/son in a family of 5 kids and the girl they wanted came after him.....and the fact that another girl....and than years later...a 3rd son was born...which made D the middle boy......probably has something to do with his neediness...I don't think it helps that his older brother is a junior.....and then he was actually named after his MOTHER...( yes...the male form of the name...but what boy wants to be named after his Mother? I can just imagine when he was a kid....he was probably the one always yelling LOOK AT ME...LOOK AT ME!!!...You know...the one that drives you crazy...LOL...

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I think some of it comes from his childhood. 2 boys and he was not the favorite son, from an alcoholic family. And I think that some of it has to do with loneliness, since he's at home a lot of the time with no one to talk to.

Normally, I'm OK with his chattiness, because it takes me off the hook, but if I'm trying to do something - like write here on DD - or if he's meandering in the topic, then it gets annoying.

Horn_of_plenty on 08/01/2021:
yes, i have that feeling that even in my building we may have to go back to wearing masks (i mean my apt building).

already, where i work, it is attached to a government job, so as contractors for a government job, men on the job (the electricians), but all wear masks (they actually haven't even taken that enforcement down for all of covid...)...but now if you aren't vaccinated, you will need at least a weekly test and to wear a mask...in my trailer there's a guy not vaccinated, i see him doing the mandatory weekly test but i do not see him wearing a mask all day...we'll see what happens. he is def not getting the shot, he said.

compared to in the past, i feel your goals are more attainable..i think you will be able to reach them easier this month. not easy per se, just more attainable.

glad you get to the gym. i sure miss the gym; but it doesn't work for me anymore time-wise. perhaps another time; but i do like my home workouts once i get into them! :)

Donkey on 08/02/2021:
I *LOVE* my home workouts. I can drink coffee, chat with husband, change the TV channel, read if I want to. No waiting, no germs, etc.

On the other hand, I kind of do like to be around other people, even if we're not "together". It's fun to watch other people lift weights and such, watching everyone work towards their goals.

Yes, I am grateful that I can go to the gym.

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Donkey - Saturday Jul 31, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 132.5

GOOD MORNING!!!!  It sure does feel good to not be at work.  I'm so glad to be at home.

I want to be completely honest with you.  I'm currently struggling to keep myself out of sliding further into a depression.  Thursday's work drama really threw me down a well of despair, and I'm working to crawl my way out.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm trying to shake off the residual feelings of sadness and regret.  Part of it is that I'm still trying to figure out where I go from here, and this is happening (a good step in the right direction).  I also know that I won't feel 100% until after TOM is over (so there is an end in sight, not hopeless; another good step).  Finally, until I can get some decent sleep, things may be a little rough,.

I've had 2 epiphanies that I think are game-changers in trying to feel better:

  1. New Girl is another Queen Bee.  (She even kind of looks like Queen Bee.  If QB was Mexican, she'd be New Girl.)
  2. What happened is a BLESSING.  This may very well be the kick in the butt that I needed to get me moving in a better direction for myself, overall, to help me improve myself and my circumstances.  

So I will be spending today focusing on formulating my August goals.  I'm looking forward to my son coming home in August for an extended visit.  I'll see my mom at the end of the month, too.  I'll be working on transitioning from weight loss to maintenance. I don't have any athletic goals, but I want to continue to grow in my weight training.

July Goals - RECAP:

  • 3 sets of 15 daily push-ups (modified or "girl" style because of my lower back) - DONE, every day except July 9th, when I just forgot.  I consider this a victory.
  • Make it to the gym during the work week at 1x per week - 1 out of 4, with disaterous results for my sleep schedule.  
  • Stick to using the Lose It app to reach weight goal THIS MONTH, even if it pushes out my goal date. - DONE, so now I can use Lose It for August (tracking for a full month, after goal) to solidify established habits.

Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
Regarding your thoughtful July Goals Recap: great recap lady! and great goals for August to continue with the App that helped you progress so well. i'm glad you are sticking with it; because that app was really a huge element (also your own motivation!) and your achievements and weightloss. way to go. you've been successful; despite the emotional rollercoaster late this week (which will pass, too).

I'm glad to be home today, too.

I'm glad you noticed that about New Girl. she seems to have a strong personality and she may have noticed that you are a type which she can speak to with some force and not worry about backlash. i don't know.

but please, do not start to overthink your actions at work to the point of extra stress. part of being new is learning to work with the existing staff. i just cannot believe that she is so perfect and you are so lacking. think about it.

we can always improve; perhaps it's true you can sound stressed or a certain way on the phone that she says; or in person to her; but honestly, you are also a good worker. just don't go doubting yourself and your abilities after this huge negative statement she made to your face. this woman has some guts. for instance, like i was saying sorta before; i doubt you'd just come out and say to her something of that nature. the way you did react was pretty darn nice and open-minded based on what you wrote in your entry previous.

i suggest you focus on always being your best self, but not second guessing yourself either. this woman is new and has to prove herself yet.

just stay professional with her...and do your work. it'll be good if your work doesn't overlap and she's doing things she does; and your work is things you do..

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
Yes, ALL of this --- thank you SO much. I am letting this go, but I won't forget this. Now that I know what she is, I will be wiser moving forward.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
yes, packing food for the beach is always best bc it tends to be healthier. the other beach we've gone to most other years has limited food options anyways - msotly ice cream. this year though, the beach we went to yesterday has tons of food...but if you want to eat light, the best option is to pack your own. most beaches we go to - do not have much in terms of healthy choices. it's similiar to buying takeout at work; you can buy it, but the portions will be bigger and maybe more expensive. plus you may not want to finish it all; and that's kinda gross to bring home food you bought at the beach....and then placing it with whatever is still cold and bringing it home...

but really, most beaches we went to do not have many options. this one did. we may not go back, it has awesome popcorn shrimp i could have gotten and eaten with my cherry tomatoes. i am not sad i didn't have it, though.

no biggie :)

this is the one that loves thai food and the one restaurant only. i did suggest we may eat at the beach for dinner; but, she wasn't going with my suggestion lol. she wanted to order her usual spring rolls and chicken fried rice.

also, once we were almost at jones beach, i had asked if her free pass included another beach a little farther away (but happens to be exactly the way we were driving, just 17 miles away once she looked without any traffic bc we'd passed all of the traffic)...she was ready to fight me that i couldn't drive more and i'd "promised her" we were going to the one beach and that she should have lied to me and want to the beach alone if i were going to change the plans at the last minute...

i ended up of course driving to where we had plans and not further. there are some things she did that annoyed the heck out of me yesterday. this woman def has even less patience than ever (something that comes iwth lifestyle and age....).

i was driving about 5 minutes from my apt home with our food after the beach and she's in the car...there's a city bus that has it's blinker on to get back into the lane after picking passengers up and i slow down saying i'll let the bus in....she answers "why do you have to stop for this bus....i'm hungry and want to eat...." i was like, this isn't even slowing us down by a whole minute...

she wasn't down for much walking; could hardly deal with any push to do anything.

she also told me she'd like to go to the far beach, fire island, that includes a ferry...i def do not see that happening as she hardly lasted yesterday and that was leaving late for the beach and just staying 3 hours; less than we usually do (which worked great, actually!) :)

i'm just saying, she doesn't know this about herself; but she isn't getting any easier to hang out with.

she doesn't realize how much i like change and new experiences. i had been to this beach many times; she had never. she loved the part of the beach i took her to - she had only been to a part of this beach with no restaurants or ammenities. the only reason we even went to the new part is because i knew where the parking was.

it's hard to be with someone who isn't open to much new in life...

i know i'm negative.

i also know i'm allowed to have my limits, which is why i KNOW i'm not driving out to go to ferries and to an old spot that for me has nothing new or interesting to offer this year. she has to realize that it cannot be all the same for me; just as for her it cannot be all new...

missing having friends nearby that are up to more exciting things; so will just do also what makes me happy as I have been this summer. :)

all is good, just ranting on your page. and knowing i will have to make choices for me; and not be roped into her negativity of thinking i'm trying to change pllans on her when it's more i'm into new experiences. she won't be able to rope me into doing whatever she wants; when it's a long ass trip and she cannot even survive a short one. she forgets so easy what it's like to work all summer...and why i'm not into waking up so early on a saturday after a long week of work. and while she wont' experience it; i won't have to do anything i really do not want to do. i don't owe her that type of favor if it gives me stress.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I don't think you're being negative. It sounds to me like you're assessing the outing and your friendship. We've discussed C before, and it sounds to me like she is (getting) set in her negative ways -- as you say, due to lifestyle and age.

What you wrote: It's hard to be with someone who isn't open to much new in life... <<<that really has me thinking, because I completely agree with you, and I also feel like I could go down that path. I'm that sort of person who gets stuck in her habits, and I'm also a person who tends to see the negative before the positive.

I think she's a good lesson to us all, on how not to get stuck in a negative life to live.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
the reason she's not in my phtoos is that she refused. i said she could just stick her head in; in back so her face is just in. she wouldn't have it. the amount of restrictions and requirements with her can be rather difficult. we may go fruit picking tho i doubt it; she says to me, "we can take photos doing that....".


i'm sorry i ranted up your page; but, it's funny how i can only take her in smaller doses and year after year...that's how it will be.

she will retire as soon as she is able, i do not doubt, as she said it to me. her lifestyle is so far from mine, at times she doesn't realize it...she will not force me to jump through her hoops and restrictions.

like you've said, this is why i have other friends.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I am so glad that you did post this on my page :-) I enjoy reading about your outings, for one thing, and I also enjoy reading your insights and perspectives.

It will be interesting to see how she does with retirement. One thing I didn't mention above, but that I do recognize (and so do you) is that she has her limits, and they are very... limited. And like you wrote, you have your limits too (boundaries) and won't allow yourself to go through hoops to accommodate hers. That's a very helpful perspective, for yourself. You could really twist yourself up trying to fit your life into hers, to maintain a friendship.

Jacky82020 on 07/31/2021:
Try not to stress out too much re work. I know easier said than done. Dwell on the positive. You’ve met your weight goal which required great self discipline. TOM will go away & soon you’ll have family to visit with.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
1000% correct - thank you for saying this. PLEASE keep saying this. Remind me of this, repeatedly, if you have to.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
JACKY, above, is right :)

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
Yes :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 08/01/2021:
you mentioned you see yourself going down a path of limits/routine but you are far from a restricted person. you enjoy trying new things; setting out new goals. this is very important. you enjoy personal growth and achievements. you plan for them. this sets you far apart from a very restricted person, trust me <3..

i was thinking you may be able to relate to me also because your hubby is compromised with what he can do; which can be a challenge when you want to do more. i guess at times he will need to be patient or sit and relax while you continue on walks anywhere you may go on vacation, etc.

Donkey on 08/01/2021:
I liked that line you wrote so much, that I asked Husband if he thought if I was the type of person who doesn't like to try new things. He said that I do, but I don't like surprises and I like to think things through. (I guess that means I'm careful, LOL.)

I was *very* aware that what you wrote could apply more to him - not so much that he doesn't *want* to try new things, but that he *can't*. I realize that we are running out of time to do things together. He thinks maybe 3 or 4 more years of useful mobility until he becomes significantly LESS mobile. Not a happy thought.

However, I know that he is 100% supportive of things that I want to try or goals that I might have for myself. That is to say, as long as the goal or thing is within reason and in my best interest (e.g. not illegal, overly dangerous, etc.).

In this respect, I think we are very well suited for each other.

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Donkey - Friday Jul 30, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Yesterday was an awful day... It shouldn't have been.  I left a little early, after the office area got too hot to work in, and I left my workload in a good place, pretty much caught up.  But I had a confrontation with a co-worker (more detail below) and that started cascading on my emotions.  Add TOM hormones and coming home knowing that we'd have a surprise guest at dinner -- I HATE SURPRISES -- just put me into a tailspin.

However, being an emotional mess is good for weight-loss.  I didn't eat much dinner - burger and some slices of grilled eggplant -- and not much cake and ice cream >>> not NEARLY the amount I have been fantasizing about.  The cake was not really cake!  It was mostly "chocolate truffle" filling -- kind of looked like cheesecake, but it was not cheesecake.  Bleah... and I think because it was so chocolatey, the mint ice cream didn't taste right with it.  I also didn't feel comfortable topping off the ice cream with chocolate chips, because we had company.  So not nearly the damage done that I had initially anticipated.

Also being an emotional mess, though, I did not do any more lower body weights at home in the evening.  I excused myself early from the company, went downstairs to the basement, and  hopped on my bike and kind of disappeared into my mind, while "watching" something on TV. 

UGH, then a deluge of happy birthday phone calls....  And you'll understand why I felt this way about hearing from family, but why on earth does everyone have to talk so much?  Talk talk talk talk talk.... All the time.  At work, at home...  About nothing, just blah blah blah...

So New Girl came up to me yesterday and said that she doesn't like my tone of voice and that we're going to have problems working together.  I have struggled with modulating my tone of voice many, MANY times in my adult life, in many jobs, many relationships.  I just have that salty, sarcastic way of speaking, I guess.  That is one main reason why I started pulling back from talking to people on the phone.  I don't do well talking on the phone, I don't hear well on the phone, I don't like talking on the phone...  And at work, most of the time, it's not me that the people calling need to talk to.  Most of the time, they need to talk to either one of the attorneys or Male Co-Worker.  NOT ME.

I invited New Girl to sit down and talk about this (ha ha).  I explained that most of the calls aren't really for me, people just don't know who else to ask for.  I also explained that my tone of voice has been an issue for a very long time, and I try to work on it, but it gets really exasperating when people call and ask for me, even when I specifically say, "Email me or call to speak to the attorney".  I told her that I really liked her (not any more!) and I thought she was doing a good job.  I said I would try to work on the tone of voice, but that it really has nothing to do with her individually or specifically.  It's just how I am.  I think things were OK after that, but wow, what a kick in the head.  

So here I am 51 years old, still working on the same issues over and over and over....

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/30/2021:
Here I am 71 and still working on the same issues over and over TOO!!!! It's a thing!! I agree...we are what we are....and I was quite taken aback when I heard myself talking to D one day...he accidentally recorded it because he was adjusting his phone and I truly hated the way I sounded when I was talking to him........Can you ask hubby to some times randomly record you when you are talking? I don't think we really know how we sound to others......I'm sure new girl will have and may already have some things about her that will irritate you too.......she might just have to put on her big girl pants and grow up some herself. But I know I sound more harsh when i'm stressed...I think that is normal...some people can modulate that better than others.....talking with her was a very good idea...it let her know that you heard her and will work on it.....one thing i do know..( and learned later in life)...is that almost everything will mean nothing a year from now.....and the small things that irritate me are so unimportant.....and I should just let them slide by......and not react. One think I learned...is that if I'm smiling ( usually a fake smile)...when I answer the phone...then I sound happier....and it's just better.......maybe you could fake smile at her when you are forced to speak with her......

Donkey on 07/31/2021:
Oh, I **know** that I can have a harsh tone of voice. I've done something similar to what D did with recording you, and I've heard it. I am not saying that New Girl is wrong. (I know you know that.)

I think a LOT of it is a focus problem. I get so bombarded with calls and emails and office chatter that I develop like a "tunnel vision" to just get through everything as fast as I can, and I get very stressed, very impatient.

Then I don't focus on customer service, tone of voice, etc. This is also how mistakes happen, and I told New Girl this. I cannot continue to be interrupted by calls because then I get nothing done and that which gets done has mistakes. I will say that she did appear to be understanding and sympathetic about that.

bearcountrygg on 07/30/2021:
Was it your birthday yesterday???? If so...Happy Belated Birthday Donk!

Donkey on 07/31/2021:
Um, maybe... LOL. Thank you - I don't like making a big deal out of things like that, although I do appreciate the cake.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
Sounds like yesterday was a rather ultra busy and uncomfortable day...still reading...

awww, Happy Bday to you :) why didn't you write it was your bday full out! haha. that's really nice they called you; i see that the long calls can be difficult on a work night; after a long day. i can relate.


Donkey on 07/31/2021:
Thank you :-)

Horn_of_plenty on 07/31/2021:
you have been at this company a long time. New girl has NOT.

at the company i am at, new people have to seriously WATCH THEMSELVES. look at what happened to me - with the most evil payroll lady. her tone of voice is a disgrace. she is so rude. and she gets away with it.

new girl has pushed you and punched you in the face with her comment. i feel it was extremely harsh to say to you.

i would take her comment with a huge grain of salt. i'm surprised she would outwardly say she's going to have a difficult time working with you.

you aren't the new girl, she is.

work to maintain your confidence.

if she ever says something like that again, tell her if it's not work related; you'd prefer not to discuss bc your idea of work is to work to get along; not tell people you don't think you can work with them!?

idk, but ignore that.

she's new and that's the right way to talk to someone. i don't agree with how she dealt with it. and if she was being totally honest and not sarcastic or joking; how can you tell someone you dont think you can work with them bc of their tone of voice? i feel she didn't use the right approach with you.

don't take it to heart. keep being you. you've lasted a long time...do not apologize to HER. she needs to find her place at work and work with people. her comment isn't kind to you. think how she'd react if someone said that to her.

Donkey on 07/31/2021:
You have some very valid points. I don't disagree with what you said, except that getting along and tone of voice is work-related -- at least I feel that it is. Hmm...

I *DO* hear what you're saying, and you can bet that I'll be doing a lot of thinking this weekend.

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Donkey - Thursday Jul 29, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Another anemic night's sleep...  However, I looked at the sleep data from my FitBit and I'm hopeful that I'm resetting my good-sleep pattern.

  • I normally start relaxing (nodding off, brain feels like it's "floating" in a relaxing way) before I even turn off the light.  That has not happened this week.
  • When I do turn off the light, I was relaxing and "floating" right away.  That is not happening. 
  • Last night, I floated for about an hour, and then got up to use the bathroom, wash my face, and turn up the fans.  THEN, I went back to bed and fell asleep almost immediately --- FitBIt reflects that I went from awake to light sleep almost immediately, and then right into a prolonged deep sleep before going into REM.  That is a typical sleep cycle for me.  Unfortunately, this was at around 10:30pm, which is kind of late for me.  But this is promising, and it gives me hope.
  • TOM is here, and so is the hip/knee/foot pain that goes along with it.  I am not going to panic about my sleep until AFTER TOM leaves.  Nothing can be normal while it's here.  That's just a given across the board:  emotionally, physically, mentally.  I hate what TOM does to my body.
  • Oh one problem I had last night is that my stomach felt so bloated and heavy, felt very gassy inside. I had a heavier than usual dinner, because my day meals were lighter --- oh, no meat!  I had no meat during the day, so my carb  macros percentage was  higher.  Hmmm... 
  • The past few days, I've showered early -- maybe too early.  I'm going to go back to showering as part of my nighttime routine, to see if that helps.

Maybe I am stressed about the cake and ice cream tonight, but I realized yesterday that I don't need to be stressed out about this at all.  I was worried, because frankly, I feel like eating the whole cake.  BUT yesterday, I told myself that there is no need to worry, because I don't need to go off the deep end.  I can enjoy the birthday treats 100% in moderation, and not ruin all the hard work that has taken me to this point.  You'd think I'd never lost weight before, but I don't know WHY I didn't see this until yesterday.  DUH!!!!

The temperatures are supposed to start dropping. Today will be warm, and then we'll have low 70's for a stretch.  This is good because the AC at work is broken.  There are 4 AC units, and the AC that cools off my area, the Boss' office, and Associate Attorney & Nice Lady's office (they share) - doesn't work!!!

I should have gone home early, but instead, I stuck with it. The agony and discomfort of falling behind must be avoided <<<at least that is what drives me.  By the end of the day my area was so stuffy.  I drank so much water that it was uncomfortable on the drive home.  

Did some basic lower body weights this morning.  Tonight, I will either repeat what I did this morning or maybe 1 exercise tonight.  I'm not very motivated at the moment.  

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/29/2021:
Yep, you can do the goodies in moderation. I am getting desperate for my small bags of M&Ms & will likely add to the pickup list.

That damn Fitbit always said I was in a light sleep when I was watching TV & talking to Matt. LOL don’t know if newer or other trackers are better now.

That new one, the Sensor, or whatever that Fitbit is now trying to sell me does all kinds of sleep analysis. Can’t say if it’d be better than the faulty device. Even does a modified ECG. It would probably say I flatlined and send me off to the ER.

bearcountrygg on 07/29/2021:
We are in a cool period here and it's so nice......I'm sure you will have it better at the office without AC......Hopefully they get that fixed soon.

horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
sorry i've fallen behind, will comment either all tonight or tomorrow morning when i'm relaxed and can catch up properly. sometimes it becomes too much daily...easier to log my food and see comments on mine...but of course i intend always to catch up on yours...sorry i have fallen behind...

happy-1 on 07/29/2021:
Nobody can say you lack grit for sure.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
i will catch up with your former entries. but i will begin with this one.

i also have TOM and it's been not bad emotionally, but this time it came with the thigh pain that causes me to wake up at night and need to take some OCD's. ...it's ok, it passes. i'm sorry yours has been a pain emotionally. in a way, mine has "reawakened my emotions / feminism" this week. very different thing than what you are talking about.

this was a very bloating TOM for me also. a LOT of gas tonight; grateful i'm off tomorrow morning..let my body relax a bit.

by the end of your entry here, you seem like you do feel overwhelmed a little and rushed. remember to breathe. you can do this. you are very, very capable, J.

cake...is it your bday and I do not know!?

Horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
Ok, regarding entry below, the gym by me that i used to go to - was always busy in the evenings too, but i do not remember it being that busy in the evening hours as yours.

i think that TOM really got to you; making it all harder especially waking up after the gym.

I would say every so often it can be nice to go to the gym during the week, but, that is why i don't go. it's just too much for me time-wise. i think you are in the majority of adults with full time jobs on that; not to feel bad. on days where you leave work early or have off, you can always schedule the gym in if you have the opportunity. i know you don't have a ton of days off...but you could plan on the gym possibly the day you have your continued ed...if you want and feel up to it. i miss gym days, it was easier for me to train better, harder, more efficiently.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/29/2021:
sorry it's been so hot by you. we haven't had a very hot July, overall. just a few hot days; most are actually slightly under avg.

Hopefully someone at your work notices new guy needs an assistant. maybe he can speak up for himself - though i doubt he's ready to do that..this is regarding Tuesday's entry.

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Donkey - Wednesday Jul 28, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Well, I do not think that going to the gym on weeknights is going to work.  Channeling my inner "Inner Peace",  I went last night with Husband, thinking that the gym would be emptier, arriving at around 8:30p.  Oh my goodness, it was BUSY!  Not the "after work" busy, but the weight machine area was busy!  My Husband said he had to wait twice to use machines.  The cardio area wasn't too bad, but I wasn't alone by any means.

I did have the opportunity to try the 20lb dumbbell, and I am ready for this, but only on 1 exercise, so I will not think about buying 1-2 of the 20 lb dumbbells any time in the foreseeable future.  If I want to do that one exercise w the heavier weight, I can do it at the gym.  Everything else, I have more than sufficient at home.  So I'm glad that I tried this.  I consider the trip to the gym a success.

It is a success, too, in that I realize that I can't do this on a regular basis.  We didn't get out of there until 10pm.   Husband takes a lot longer to clean up than I do; he moves slower, in general anyway.  I had completed most evening tasks before going to the gym, and set up the remaining tasks, except for cleaning out the litter boxes.  I should have done that before, but instead, I decided to rest while charging up my FitBit for the day.  I think I made the right trade, but it did delay getting to bed.

When I finally did turn out the light at 10:38pm, I could not fall asleep.  I must have though because I woke up at 3:04am to the storms.  I did not feel rested, and I felt it was too early to get up to get started.  Could not fall back asleep, listened to the storms roll through...  I know I checked my watch after 4am, but I must have fallen asleep (somehow -- it didn't feel like it) because I woke up 3 minutes before the alarm went off at 5:15am.  Ohhhhh it was hard to get up.

I hope that I can re-establish the sleep pattern that I had - it was working well for me.  I'm thinking that I will be able to go to bed early tonight, with the fatigue I'm feeling this morning, TOM due tomorrow (always get really tired a day or 2 before), and a busy day at work.

 So I had a nice impromptu chat with Mistakes Girl yesterday, where I learned a lot.

  • I learned that New Girl *REALLY* wants to work full-time at our firm.
  • New Girl acts like she works for New Guy, calls him "Boss".  (This annoys Mistakes Girl to no end, she said.)  So I can see that she is vying to become the New Guy's full-time assistant.  That's how I hear that.
  • I've told Mistakes Girl that I'm seeing my position being reduced, gradually, and she doesn't disagree.  As the Boss does less and less, I will have less and less to do.   Right now, he's very busy -- that is to say, that he has a lot of contracts, but he won't work much on them.  He writes letters and takes phone calls, but he doesn't go to closings hardly ever at all.  And he has started to hand off certain tasks to New Guy, so that he can learn.
  • Mistakes Girl and her husband will be trying for another baby by the end of the year.  She was advised by her doctor to wait at least 6 months, which will be November/December.  And because she is now a very high-risk, we both figure that as soon as she knows she is pregnant, she will be on bed rest very early on.

I'm on the Titanic, and I can't get myself to get on a lifeboat for some reason.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 07/28/2021:
I think Walmart has good barbells.

The gym visit sounded trying. But great your hubby made the effort. Did he see the dietitian yet?

My sleep patterns have always sucked. Up multiple times, lately I’ve taken to whipping out my iPad and reading from 1-3AM or so.

Does reducing your position mean cutting hours or performing different tasks?

Donkey on 07/29/2021:
Yes, Husband saw the dietician and GI. He has a follow-up with the GI next week. I give him a lot of credit: he is making changes.

Your comment/question about reducing my position was game-changing. I mean, talk about turning on a lightbulb or opening a window. What difference does it make if I do less? As long as I continue to get paid, does it matter? Getting the same pay to do less -- why am I even questioning that?

bearcountrygg on 07/28/2021:
Change is hard...leaving a job you have devoted yourself to for a long time isn't easy...I suspect that as The owner does less and less...and other attorneys do more..the entire vibe there will change...that could go either way...it may be a lot nicer...or it may see totally foreign and would be easy to walk from.

Donkey on 07/29/2021:
That is a VERY good point - I think I already sense a change in the vibes. Actually, I think we're all picking up on that lately.

I want to ask Male Co-Worker so badly what it will take for him to retire. He and the Boss go back to the 1980's, in one way or another. I think they both keep working only because the other one is still working.

happy-1 on 07/29/2021:
Hugs. I know that Titanic feeling. That was me back in 2017. Let’s work on your sleep data, see if there is anything there.

Donkey on 07/29/2021:
I'll write about what I've noticed about my sleep data lately. Last night was a little better, maybe, but not good-feeling sleep, and a bit frustrating.

I feel like I just need to sit and figure out this work thing, but I can't seem to get to that point. When I have the free time, who the hell wants to think about work?

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Donkey - Tuesday Jul 27, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

Happy Tuesday!  The heat here is becoming unbearable.  I feel wiped out from it, just from the small bit that I'm exposed to.  I do not want to think of what I would do if I didn't have AC.  I can completely understand the need for public cooling centers.

Had my morning bike ride and did 3 upper body weight exercises for chest and back, with the idea that more will be done tonight.  I have the opportunity to go to the gym tonight with my Husband.  He is going today, but is willing to wait until tonight to go with me, after dinner.  However, with work being so busy..... I do not know if I will have the motivation to go tonight.  I may have a better idea when I start my emails and see how many tasks I have for today.  This will be the ideal night to go.... Oh I don't know...

I was disappointed that work was so busy yesterday.  I could not get my work done because so many contracts kept coming in.  I thought I had finished with the batch that came in over the weekend, and then I'd get another, and another, and then another -- oh my...

Associate Attorney and Nice Lady are off, together, today.  I expect a pile of letters waiting for me this morning, from AA.  All of his adult children are in town (hence, the day off) all last week and part of this week, and so he just hasn't been workiing like he should.  He goes out for long lunches, leaves early, etc.

And even though he complains that he has SO MUCH work to do -- which he DOES! -- Male Co-Worker is taking Friday and Monday off to visit his adult daughter in her new apartment.  WTH???

And Male Co-Worker wants Nice Lady to keep doing the work that was taken away from her.  He's "too busy" to deal with what she was doing.  Well, I've been dealing with after closing issues on purchases; he can take care of after closing issues on sales.

The REAL problem is that New Guy is so busy that he really needs a (Spanish-speaking) assistant that works only on his files.  But Male Co-Worker hasn't realized that yet.  I realized it early on.

I'm finding it very difficult to maintain the work-life balance right now.  Friday AND yesterday, I ignored my 10am and 3pm "lauds & vespers" alarms to step away and relax for 5 minutes.  Too busy.  I will try very hard to abide by the calls to prayer/meditation today.  I learned some good stretches last night at yoga, that I could also do.

Well, I want to get to work early today, so that I'm not so frazzled by 10am.  Let's hope for the best day, today.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 07/27/2021:
Oh you do need some of our rain...it cools things down so nicely...although by late afternoon it gets quite hot.....hope you have a good day.......sounds like a lot of people plan on being away a lot......at least it will be quiet around there.

Donkey on 07/28/2021:
That's true about it being quieter... good point!

Last night - or early this morning, I should say - we got some good rain, and I think we'll have storms later this afternoon too, which will cool off temperatures, God willing...

Jacky82020 on 07/27/2021:
I forgot where you live. Is it the Chicago area? We once considered moving there when Matt was offered a job. It was March & freezing cold when we visited.

Donkey on 07/28/2021:
Yes, I live in the suburbs of Chicago. :-)

Maria7 on 07/27/2021:
I hope your work day gets better today. Sounds like they heavily rely on you but you are only one person and can only do so much. Take time for yourself. Relax.

Donkey on 07/28/2021:
They did used to heavily rely on me, and now I see that being taken away bit by bit. In a way, I think that's a good thing, but on a emotional level, it has me concerned.

happy-1 on 07/29/2021:
Hugs. You will rise and conquer.

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Donkey - Monday Jul 26, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 133.0

It's a Monday.... Woke up to find out that the internet was down.  All of that is my Husband's "baby", so I waited until he woke up and came down into the basement to investigate.  He reset the modem and we're back up and running. 

I'm glad that tonight is a rest night, with yoga only.  I was not 100% sure about going to the gym yesterday afternoon -- I think the heat and humidity were getting to me, even though we have the air conditing on.  Maybe it was the stuff I did outdoors earlier in the morning?  Was it the morning walk that did me in?  It was only 25 minutes.  

Anyway, took a brief nap, woke up, decided to go to the gym so that Husband could go too.  I cut the time on the elliptical by 5 minutes (so 15 minutes plus cool-down).  Did legs, stretched, showered, came home.  I had a protein shake when I got home, and then dinner about an hour after that, but I was feeling quite depleted.  I started getting aches in my legs, especially my left one, and then I got chills.  I put on a fleece jacket and had a cup of decaf coffee with dinner.

After dinner, I was definitely warmed up, but my legs were still achy.  I went to bed  "early" but didn't turn off the light until just before 9pm, because I was waiting for everything to charge. Still, I was able to lie in bed and relax.  I woke up feeling much better.  In fact, woke up at 4:17am, but stayed in bed resting until almost 5am.

Mistakes Girl is back today - thank goodness!  She has a calming affect on everyone, and I could use that at work, righ tnow.

And it will be interesting to see if my Boss will be making any changes since his follow-up with the cardiologist on Friday.  I won't ask him about it, and I don't expect to have him volunteer any information (of course).  I'm just curious to see what - if anything - changes.

Progress as of today: 53.5 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 07/26/2021:
Hope all goes well with you at work today!

Donkey on 07/27/2021:
Oh... my.... gosh.... It was SO busy :-( So much for thinking things were slowing down.

bearcountrygg on 07/26/2021:
Sounds like a pretty good start to the day...especially when the internet booted up......We aren't getting your humidity and heat....

Donkey on 07/27/2021:
It gets SO oppressive in the afternoon. It's actually better at noon than it is at around 3pm. Today will be awful - I'm going to try to take my walk before noon.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/26/2021:
i'm glad your internet issue was an easy solution! :)

i am so glad you were feeling better come the morning. we had storms last night and they were loud so i woke up a few times. i will be a happier sleeper tonight.

that's nice you were able to relax in bed today and not rush.

i know what you mean about how different people's personalities at work are a good thing...i enjoy most of everyone's personalities at my job, too. so thankful for that!!

keep us updated on hubby's appointment. happy Monday and good start to your work week! it sure sounds like that, Donkey :)

Donkey on 07/27/2021:
Sometimes, we listen to thunderstorm sounds on Alexa while we sleep. Husband uses that more than I do. I did not sleep well last night; I think I will set the sounds for tonight.

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