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Donkey - Tuesday May 17, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.5

So a few of things happened:

  • Felt very sad yesterday evening.  I think it started in the afternoon, when I stepped outside, at work, to get the mail.  It slowly cascaded into Zoom Yoga, and settled into th evening/night afterwards.  I know that some of this is impending TOM, which just makes every emotion amplified x 100.
  • I was able to cut out my afternoon snack -- I realized that I wasn't really hungry, but just eating because "it was time to eat".  
  • Stopped myself at dinner from eating too much.  I had a little extra meat, and was reaching for more, when I stopped myself.  This awareness is what I need  more of.

So I can't take Wednesday afternoon off to watch the TV movie, because Male Co-Worker is already leaving at 3:30pm.  Technically, yes I could leave at 1pm, but it leaves a lot of work unmonitored.  So I'm thinking of renting the movie from the library, instead, and taking a different day off.  That way, I don't have to sit through commercials at least, and I can take the day off that I want.

That "slow-down" that the Boss keeps talking about - you wouldn't know it from all the new contracts that are coming in.  And who are these people who are willing to pay $10,000 to $28,000 more than a house is worth?  Do they not know what the word "equity"means?

Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/17/2022:
Sorry you’re having down days. Only to be expected. HUGS

What was that movie? Do you have a DVR? We record what we can from Sling and over the air. Think not possible to record from some streaming services, but we get lots over the air & from Sling. Not so much from Prime anymore.

Matt recoded Once Upon a Time in Hollywood off the air on the DVR. Saw it before. Love Brad Pitt and Leonardo. Some real acting chops on display in that film. They are not just pretty faces, them boys.

horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2022:
maybe take the next day off, instead of wednesday take the thurs or fri to leave early - re your comment below. - and tape it to watch!

horn_of_plenty on 05/17/2022:
keep trying to stay positive. i know it's hard hormonally. i heard on the news it's not a big slow down everywhere in the country at all, only some pockets.

and yes, even here, homes go for thousands over the listing price.

My sister paid like 50K over asking/the listing.

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Donkey - Monday May 16, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.5

Another Monday, another work week...

Sunday's hike never materilized because it ended up raining, and then the temperatures dropped a bit.  It's too bad Daughter isn't a morning person, LOL, in some respects, but in others, it's good that she likes to sleep in and can do on her days off.  I try hard to respect her sleep. 

However, I spent a lot of time with my plants which was very rewarding.  Also, after the gym, I stopped by a lady's house to pick up some watering cans (for plants) for $2 each off of Facebook Marketplace.  I got 2 of them, and they are just what I wanted & needed.

Tonight is yoga, and I truly hope that work is not too busy, too stressful of a day. 

I'm thinking of taking half a day off on Wednesday, so that I can watch a movie that's on TV at 2pm.  That may sound silly but there you go.

I had mentionted to Happy that I was thinking of changing things up for a week.  My plan was to try to go to the gym in the morning to do the elliptical for 30 mintues.  That did not happen today -- but it's a thought to keep in mind.  It would be interesting to see how the daily step-count works out by doing that. 

Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/16/2022:
Always a good idea to mix exercise & diet routines up every so often!

Great score on FB Marketplace. Reminds me, I never did get around to putting my old bike on Craig’s for free, along with a bird cage and working TV. We wanted bigger ones. I never liked selling anything. Did so with cars & houses only, otherwise I donate & will put the Craig’s items in the driveway.

Donkey on 05/17/2022:
I do not like selling on FB Marketplace. I don't mind giving away for free - I've done that several times, with stuff I just wanted gone.

legcramps on 05/16/2022:
The part about changing up your routine a bit made me chuckle. I coach one early morning workout every Monday, and I appreciate the evening sessions so much more because I coach this one morning session - I am not a morning person, but doing something 'hard' like waking up early does make the other time when you don't have to that much sweeter!

Donkey on 05/17/2022:
I realized this morning that if I were to go to the gym in the morning, it would mean putting in my contact lenses in early, too, and that will be hard to do. I know I've done it in the past, when I was in my early 30's. Twenty years later, not so easy.

Maria7 on 05/16/2022:
Sorry to read you didn't get to go hiking with your Daughter. Maybe next time. Hope you are having a good day. Take care.

Donkey on 05/17/2022:
Yes, maybe next time. It's OK.

It was an OK day - except for some extra sadness, but that's OK. Of course, it wasn't as good as weekends when I can spend more time with my plants, LOL...

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2022:
haha about the movie!!! it is so hard to fit them in during the week, so this would give you some time. if you feel you can take the time off to watch it, i can see that as a very relaxing day....

if not, i'm sure you can record and watch it while you exericse?

either way, it's a nice thought of something to do. i can see why ;)

Donkey on 05/17/2022:
OMG would you believe that Male Co-Worker is already scheduled to leave early on Wednesday?!? So that's out for me. I know it wasn't intentional, but this year, it seems like EVERY single time off I want, he's already claimed.

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
I think a movie is just what the dr ordered! Did you know you can look at your body battery from the morning by running your finger over the phone screen?

Donkey on 05/17/2022:
Ah I just tried that. I didn't realize that. Now the trick will be to remember to do it. Thank you for the suggestion!

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Donkey - Sunday May 15, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.5

Today was supposed to be gray and rainy, but instead, temperatures have cooled off nicely (low to mid 70's) and the sun is out.  This opens an array of possibilities for today.

I did not want to get out of bed, so I stayed in a little too long to make it to the gym early.  I'll go around 10am when the 2 elliptical ladies should be done.  Husband changed his mind about going to the hobby store (in a town that I hate), so I plan to spend my afternoon repotting some more plants that need it.  I bought 2 more plants at Walmart (total under $10), that looked like they needed me as much as I needed them.

I have no plans for weight training today.  Daughter has today off, maybe she'd like to go for a hike but if not, that's OK, because I have plants to work on.  Hiking will supercede the plants, though.  

I did not meet my water goal yesterday.  Eating, though, was a lot less "stressful" -- I can't think of a better word to describe it.  When I'm at work, I seem to be wanting to eat more, all the time.  When I'm at home, I feel more focused on doing things, and not eating.

At the gym, yesterday, I went into the hot tub after cardio on the elliptical.  That was so nice.  I went in the afternoon. When I go on Sunday mornings, I don't use the hot tub afterwards.  This is a nice routine that I like.  I haven't used any of the weight machines at the gym -- I don't think I've done so since Son passed away.  


  • Cat laundry - in progress
  • Repot big plant
  • Repot medium plant
  • Repot tiny plant
  • Gym
  • Go to storage facility with Husband (using to store Son's belongs and the snowblower, for the season)
  • Hiking with Daughter

Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2022:
Sounds like you will be having a nice relaxing day....enjoy!

Donkey on 05/16/2022:
It was busy, which got a little stressful actually, but the overall results were good.

Maria7 on 05/15/2022:
Looks like you have a busy day planned. I read here, even if I don't write. Hope you have a nice hike with Daughter.

Donkey on 05/16/2022:
It ended up being a very busy day, with no hike, due to the rain. I got to spend more time with my plants though, so it was still a good day in that respect.

While meaning no disrespect, keeping busy keeps the grief at bay.

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2022:
Time off the net re your commenting later o. Weekend is good for you !

horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2022:
lol you have so many plants with size titles love it! :) glad you have more plants to take care of! that's a good hobby right there.

why do you hate the town where the hobby store is - a poor town or something like that? or crowded?

nice job going to gym....

at work, you are doing work, and you may crave energy...another reason you are hungry....also go back to your deep breathing and water. nice job staying on track this weeking.

i think at times that the water is overrated similarly to how i feel about protein..keep on, and not everyday needs to be perfect. even getting close to the water goal of yours may be sufficient.

if you don't comment on an entry of mine, it is soooo ok. being off the computer is good for the soul!!!!!!! i know from experience. haha

Donkey on 05/16/2022:
I think I do not like that town because people from there seem to be so pretentious.

I will try to focus on deep breathing and water, while at work. This will also help me get into a good mindspace for yoga tonight.

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Donkey - Saturday May 14, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.5

Good to see the number come down a bit, especially since I am feeling kind of fluffy and bloated lately. With temperatures in the upper 80s or even 90 this past week, I've had to dip into my summer waredrobe.  I have 4 pairs of capri pants.  The black ones fit, but they have a stretchy material.  A little tight in the thighs - always the issue with me.  The dark green ones are quite comfortable.  The beige ones -- the smallest pair, size 8 -- are wearable, but I was afraid that they would feel too tight after a while so I did not wear them to work.  It's a sensory issue thing -- if they are too tight, it would drive me to distraction to the point that I'd have to come home and change.  Didn't want to deal with that yesterday, especially since we were short-staffed.

Too much eating.  We had a title company rep come into the office yesterday with soft-serve ice cream from Wendy's.  I just couldn't resist and had a vanilla one.  And yes, I ate the whole thing.  Then I had 2 Fannie May chocolates from a box dropped off by another title company rep.  I left those at work, because I thought if I brought them home, I'd eat the whole box over the weekend.

Did NOT succeed with my water goal.

Church Grief Group was much nicer because there were only 4 of us + the leader.  There was a new lady there who I know outside of this group.  She lost her husband in January.  It was easier for me to talk and contribute to the smaller group, and there were a few tidbits presented that I took with me that I will use for my own grief journey.

Husband surprised me this morning by saying he wants to go to a hobby shop in a town that I hate.  I suggested that maybe tomorrow would be a better day, because it's suppsed to rain all day.  Today is the last warm, dry day for a few days.  Also, I have other things I want to do, too.  He's open to waiting until tomorrow, except that tomorrow is Daughter's day off.  Oh well... he may end up going on his own.

I'm actually thinking of / wanting to go to Walmart by myself, just for myself.  I'm looking for a special type of watering can, which they may or may not have, maybe some plant food, and possibly a plant to cheer myself up with.  Plants are life. 


Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/14/2022:
There really is no reason to feel guilty about an ice cream cone or a couple of chocolates......you ate them in serving sizes...good idea to leave the box of chocolates at work.....that is a good way to slow down the temptation.

I had to dig into the summer clothes as well....but since I don't work I can get by at home with what I have leftover from last year/or before.....Work clothes do take a lot more consideration....Sounds like the green ones will be a favorite for the next few months....But I always seem to gravitate to black.......when I get down to 2 pair of black pants...it's time to do some shopping...LOL

Time to really get serious about gardening...looks like the snow is gone for good...YIPPEE.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2022:
i always wondered about those lower priced, pre-foreclosure homes!

I'm glad you are feeling good re Friday's entry. with everyone out,you'll have less office distraction and prob be able to do your work well. i like when folks are out also! :) Monday my boss will be out and he left me some work which i'm happy about...

Finally your Chicago weather is wayyyyyy higher than here in NYC. we had seasonal 70's, some rain. my dad had a "good weather week" by you. He heads home today. mom already home since tuesday.

when we have sweet temptations at work, i usually DO try to take a little of them, bc a little bit fits in calorie-wise. i consider the sweets part of my breakfast or morning snack quite usually...i have learned to go this way.

as with your overeating, i'm sorta doing that in the evenings right now....i think it caused minor weight gain so that when i step on the scale by evenings, it's up more than i put on my entry which is def only a morning weight now...i can also feel it in my clothes, but it's still a good weight...i may pull back some nights of eating, if i can...i think planning better or taking only portions of snacks and adding fruit to dinner may help...point is, if i want to lower my evening calories, i will have to take only servings to where i am eating and not a full bag; and add in fruit.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2022:
Yes, plants are great. and good for you!

happy-1 on 05/16/2022:
You will be back in those pants soon!

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Donkey - Friday May 13, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

I feel rested and somewhat "motivated" to live.  That is to say, rather than feeling dragged, I feel energized enough to face the day.  And it should be an interesting day with Mistakes Girl out AND New Gal out of the office this morning.  I had taken this day off too, but I feel like if I take any time off now, I would just come back to a desk full of ****.  It's such an uncomfortable feeling to have to catch up and re-orient myself to where each file is at.  

Eating yesterday was OK, I think I did OK.  Did lower body weights, even though it was a struggle to get started.  Did not do as well with my water goal.  When I use iced coffee in the afternoons, to curb my munchies, then I don't drink as much water.  It's always something....

I've been feeling my grief bubble up to the surface a few times this week.  But I can feel my grief changing.

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/13/2022:
I'm glad to see that things are calming down for you a bit........Your post sounds hopeful and ready to get back to some of the usual things...and having a quieter office will surely help that......Hoping that you have a good day today.

Donkey on 05/14/2022:
There is something to say about routine. I would say Friday was a routine day, for the most part.

One thing I really noticed though is that it is a completely different office without Mistakes Girl. I've grown to really like her and appreciate her. I wish I could have met her earlier in life. She's taught me a lot about what's really important in life, how to live a better life.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
Yay! What does your body battery say?

Donkey on 05/14/2022:
Dang it! I forgot to look. I checked when I sat down at my desk, first thing, and I was down to 43 or 46. That's after a "fair" grade of sleep, the usual bike ride, and a 2 mile walk on the treadmill. Plus the stress of getting ready for and getting to work.

happy-1 on 05/15/2022:
Can’t you just slide your finger over the graph to see where you were when you woke up?

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Donkey - Thursday May 12, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

Yesterday, I told my Boss that if our work environment wasn't so chaotic and crazy busy, that I would ask for a leave of absence.  I am just at the end of my rope most - if not all - of the time.  I learned that Replacement Kid is actually NOT staying with us long-term but only for the summer until he starts his Bachelor's Degree studies in August.  So in August, we'll be facing this same situation, EXCEPT that there won't be anyone extra (like Mistakes Girl) around to train the next new person. I have to say, What was the Boss thinking???

Actually, I can answer that.  The Boss predicts that the real estate market will slow WAY down with inflation and interest rates.  Personally, I don't think it will slow down quick enough, AND I'm not sure that the New Guy's clientel will follow that pattern.  He works with a largely Latino population, and this demographic seems to not follow overall trends to the extent that the mainstream does.  Our office has a motto:  Nothing will change.  Because it doesn't.  Oh sure, people come and go, but the work environment and its inequities and injustices never changes, because the Boss fosters this kind of environment by refusing to get involved in management issues.  Take it or leave it.

And right now, I take it because I am comfortable where I'm at.  They know me, they knew Son & understand what I'm going through, and I know the job well enough to do it half-asleep. Husband doesn't understand this. 

Last night, I had a headache and I was sore and tired.  I was eating dinner - again, ate too much - and thought to myself, "What would Happy do?" and I said back, to myself, "She would rest."  So that's what I did, for the most part. I played stupid games on my phone.  I ate a small dish of ice cream (oops).   I ended up going outside and trimming my suffering citronella plant, and in the process, kinked up my back. So I DID ride the bike for about 20 minutes to loosen up my hips, but this was NOT a workout by any means.  Just a light, easy bike ride to loosen up.  I think that bike ride really saved my back this morning, except that my right hip and leg are achy and tight.  No weights.

Did very well with water again, and eating at work seems to be going well, but now Dinner has popped up as a problem.  It's always something, isn't it...

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/12/2022:
Yes...It IS always something!!! Being able to do your job and do it well while half asleep is pure GOLD!!! Even with all of the frustrations in the office........the fact that you can do the work easily.....is HUGE!!!! I'm glad to hear that you allowed yourself to relax last night...You deserve and need that...BRAVO!!!

Donkey on 05/13/2022:
Thank you for saying this. Husband gets frustrated that I don't change jobs, but the last thing I need right now is "new adventures". I need peace, quiet, calm, and rest.

If I could, I would take a month off, and just maybe focus on walking/hiking, plants, and yoga.

Jacky82020 on 05/12/2022:
What Bear says! Bear always gets it right.

Donkey on 05/13/2022:
She does, indeed :-)

horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2022:
my sister and her husband bought a home now; despite the skyrocketing rates. so her son can begin to attend school in the neighborhood they want him to attend school for the long term....

Donkey on 05/13/2022:
That's not necessarily a bad thing, to buy now, even if the prices are inflated. I'm waiting for the market to come down a little bit, and perhaps we can find something for Daughter to purchase as a pre-foreclosure (short sale - from someone who is behind in their mortgage payments) -- if that's what she wants to do.

happy-1 on 05/13/2022:
I also prescribe binge watching Poldark. Good job resting!!!!

Donkey on 05/13/2022:
LOL! I think I have found my new series to watch while on the treadmill. I will start in June, once Downton Abbey leaves Netflix.

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Donkey - Wednesday May 11, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

Not enough sleep and the sleep I got was too stresseful.  My body battery is already at 43, although I did ride the bike and walk on the treadmill. I walk about a mile in the morning.  That seems to help meet my step goal.

BUT I am quite pleased to announce that I *finally* met my Garmin water goal. Yay!!!  I had to make a concerted effort at times to drink water.  Having those water bottles lined up really helps A LOT.  (Thanks again to Happy for her suggestion!)

Work was extremely stressful and busy yesterday.  So many contracts coming in. I haven't had the opportunity to check much of the Replacement Kid's work.  I decided to be pro-active and let him know that if he has an issue with my tone of voice (like New Gal did), that it has nothing to with him.  I'm going through some stuff right now, and sometimes it comes out in my voice.  I also told him that when I check his work, I'm looking for mistakes in procedure, not typos, because he's still learning.  You can't learn correctly if you don't know you're making mistakes, and I think he agreed.  I do like him, BUT I do not feel particularly attached to him.  That will come in time, especially once Mistakes Girl leaves.

I was thinking of having a Diaper Party for Mistakes Girl.  When they were expecting their first baby, she and her husband went out and bought EVERYTHING for the baby who didn't make it.  So they don't really need anything, but they will need diapers, I promise you that.  Apparently though, we're in a diaper shortage now, due to "supply chain" issues.  I'm so mad at COVID for everything it brought forth in our world.  I won't say any more on that.

Another thing to cheer about is that I did manage to do upper body weights last night.  I did a mixture of light and heavy.  Again, not really my favorite thing to do, but it's gotta get done.  I'm wondering what I could do to make weight training more desireable or enjoyable. I'm taking suggestions in the comments.  Tonight's plan is lower body weights.

I did OK with food until dinner.  I way overate at dinner (Chinese take-out).  I had THREE crab ragoon and 2nd helpings of the teriyaki chicken.  The chicken didn't come with vegetables, so I made my own broccoli to add to it. 

I need to work on getting to bed earlier.  I think the root of my behavioral difficulties starts there.

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/11/2022:
It will work out with the new employee, these things take time. Very kind of you to organize the diaper party.

I love Chinese food! Had it yesterday

legcramps on 05/11/2022:
Try incorporating resistance bands. No need to always use weights i.e. dumbbells. Bodyweight work, and resistance bands will give you a nice pump as well - and change things up a bit.

happy-1 on 05/11/2022:
She might need reusable diapers and a second pail to get through the shortage.

Good job on the water and communication with the guy you are training that you are under a lot of stress. I admire how you keep pushing.

bearcountrygg on 05/11/2022:
I had a rough night last night too.......and paying for it all day today.

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Donkey - Tuesday May 10, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

Yesterday was rough.  Really rough.  BUT I am pleased to say that I kept the eating in check AND managed to meet my FitBit water goal. I was 2 ounces short of meeting my Garmin water goal.  It's definitely easier to meet these water goals in the warmer/hot weather, especially when the Boss doesn't turn on the AC until almost 3pm.  Having those 3 water bottles lined up at my desk to drink has really made a BIG difference, though.  When I can see what needs to be done, it's much easier than trying to remember to pay attention to internal cues.

At work, I had an annoying realtor - who I actually like very much - press me about my Mother's Day, so I told her about losing our Son.  The day was kind of downhill after that. 

The Replacement Guy is doing OK, but he has a LOT to learn.  And I can tell that he doesn't really understand what he's doing, from the mistakes he makes.  He did not take the real estate class at paralegal school (same school I got my certificate), which is unfortunate for this job.  But we're at the point where it's too late to be picky about who helps us.  Under other circumstances, I would ask to take an extended leave of absence, just to get my head straight, I think.  However, this isn't a realistic option at this time.  We probably have Mistakes Girl until the end of May, and then things are about to get considerably more difficult.

Zoom Grief Group was OK, though.  I didn't say much, other than to introduce myself.  But it felt comforting to be "around" others.  I will attend next month's meeting, too.  

I will make it a priority to do weights tonight.  I want to do upper body, but if the motivation is low, then I might do lower body, since those always seem easier for me to do, as they require less focus.

I would also like to start doing some yoga before bed.  I say this, knowing that wanting it and doing it are light years apart.  It's hard to be alone with my own thoughts, like that.  

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/10/2022:
As a parent.....I know that this has to be so hard.....I can only imagine though....You are doing amazingly with all you have to deal with!!! So much of your day is dealing with work things...and then at home...so much of that time is also dealing with what has to be done there as well. It gives little time to sit with yourself and grieve...and it may very well be the best.......I'm glad that you are going to return to the grief group.....so that you can be around others that have been through it as well. My guess is that the realtor that was pushing for info on your day last Sunday felt really bad after she found out that she made you feel bad/sad.....hopefully it was a lesson for her to remember about prying into others lives when they would rather be quiet. The new guy is basically a baby when it comes to the office...at his age he probably has little to no knowledge about life in general.......That will take time I guess...hopefully he is a quick learner when it comes to his job there. I filled 3 water bottles today myself.....lets get those emptied.

Donkey on 05/11/2022:
Yesterday and this morning, already, I have felt waves or bubbles of grief rise up in me, but because I'm busy (during the work week), they kind of simmer down. I think this is why Friday nights are when that hard shell just melts away and the grief comes out (which is OK and not a bad thing). Then I have to put that shell back on - or put the lid back on the pot, if you want - for Monday.

I told my Husband that if I didn't have to work, I would be grieving in a completely different way.

I am glad and grateful to have these support groups available to me.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2022:
i do agree and support the convenience of lining up the waters at your desk so they are easily grab-able and drinkable!

i'm glad the zoom group is helpful to you. this is really good news for you and the support you are able to get :)

I also have a priority on weights; can't skip unless i WANT to get weaker...and that's really hard to recover from...i'm still not where i was a few months back...so can't skip. it's part of my life...and yours...so we keep it in the mix.

Donkey on 05/11/2022:
I can tell that I have gained muscle mass, and I do not want to lose that. However, I still feel like I spend too much time on cardio - BUT where do I make the cut-back? I need the bike in the morning for my hips. I need the walk at lunchtime for my sanity. I like to zone out on the bike in the evening to work out the tension and stress from the day...

It's probably that evening bike ride that has to go... ugh...

Jacky82020 on 05/10/2022:
Here’s hoping today is better!

Donkey on 05/11/2022:
I would say that it was a better day because I was so busy with other people's stupid problems that I didn't have any time or energy to really think about my own. This is not necessarily a bad thing.

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Donkey - Monday May 09, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

Yesterday was tough...  And I am keenly aware that I am not the only one that may have had a hard day yesterday.  It helped NONE that it was cloudy all day, with uncertain rain in the sky (never happened), and temperatures that did not live up to their promise.

I took my 3 citronella plants outside for the season, since it will get very warm and sunny this week.  Oh they wilted sadly with the cooler temperatures.  Fortunately, they are a hardy plant, so I think they'll be OK, but I felt so sad, as if I had disappointed them, cruelly.  The thing is, the one pot is HUGE and I need Daughter to carry it outside for me.  The weekends are the only time I see her, to coordinate this with her.  (If I'm not home when she's home, things tend not to get done.)  At least the sun is coming out this morning, but the winds will kick in this afternoon.  It's always something in Illinois.

Celebrated Mother's Day with ice cream - a rather large portion - for dinner dessert.  Later, as I was sitting in bed, I started feeling hungry but did not get up for a snack.  I woke up this morning feeling hunger pangs too, which is good.  Right now, I'm ready to get back on track, at least with the 3 water bottles waiting for me at work.  

I did no weights over the weekend.  I may or may not do weights tonight.  I enrolled in the monthly Zoom grief group, now that I have finished the 3-week beginning series.  This is a group specifically for parents of servicepeople who have died by suicide.  This will supercede weekly yoga, but I feel that the Zoom grief group will be very helpful.  So I'll see how I feel after the group. It may be more helpful just to do the evening chores and go to bed.  I walked on the treadmill this morning, so that I can meet my step goal today.  Just trying to get my ducks in a row for the day.

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/09/2022:
Your zoom groups sounds like a good thing to try.......but as you say...you might just be better off as you say...getting chores done and going to bed. You will know what feels right to you but I'm glad that you are giving it a try. I started taking vitamin B12 a few days ago...and it has helped my mood greatly....I wish that I had tries that sooner.

horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2022:
your ducks are definitely in a row...good things throughout this entry of tightened plans and good scheduling. very proud of you. stick to it now.

i'm at a point where i have a bit more career time ahead of me, than you, so i'm at a different point right now in terms of how i schedule myself, like staying late at work - even if it's just to organize myself and not even speed up my pace that much...today i had to stay...

but for you, i recommend what you are doing....like you talk about int he last paragraph, everything takes time...and i guess we need to pick and choose what we do as time decreases that we have to use in a day or week.

what i find is leaving early, it is sometimes possible to do a lot more...i say sometimes bc sometimes i relax during the time and get no more done than if i got home late...

anyways, back to you...i like that you are doing things to help yourself. like the zoom grief groups, etc. it is good to learn coping skills and listen to others on that topic. you are doing good. proud of you.

when i really need something at night, i feel just a small amount of choclate, and maybe seltzer if it's not too late (otherwise pee all night, but sometimes that's worth it too...!) will help.

looking forward to having beef soup tonight.

enjoy your night!

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Donkey - Sunday May 08, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

 The reality of the 4 pound gain over the week is starting to settle in, especially since we're going to have a 90-degree day this upcoming week.  I'm not sure my summer work clothes will fit me.  While the fancy scale says that I'm maintaining a 30% body fat content, my muscle mass has increased.  I think there's some water retention going on too.  I'm thoroughly discouraged.  Very tired of trying.

To Do:
  • Fold & put away laundry (outside drying right now; this chore may occur in stages today)
  • Move glass table from porch in front to deck in back
  • Gym
  • Move plants outside - DONE
  • Persevere


Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
You can drop the 4lbs in a week. You’ve got this.

bearcountrygg on 05/08/2022:
Muscle weighs more than fat ...and shape changes.....I get you on feeling t in clothes......but if it's water weight...drink...drink...drink.

horn_of_plenty on 05/08/2022:
you do not have to lose it all at once; just keep a mindset that you can do it. 90 degrees huh!? what!? and it's so cold by you this weekend!? nuts!

you still have awhile until summmer starts; you can lean up.

nice to hear your muscle mass has increased.

sounds you are getting ready for the week and getting everything in order :) nice you got to the gym. i also made working out one of my early priorities for today.

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