Lately, I've been finding myself writing in the past tense. I'm not so sure that is a healthy perspective or what I want for my diary here.
Of course, juicy work stories are the exception (lol). I do a lot of venting about work here, too. It's nice to have a safe place to unload, but again, should this be my focus?
Food for thought...
I've decided to focus on the guidance of the Zen Teen book and return the other stress book written for adults. I'm looking for tools, not analysis.
Today's intention is dedicated to my health. As I mentioned earlier this week, this Sunday starts the 100 day countdown to the end of the year. I want to make the most of what's left of 2019.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Not much time to post today. My husband is having a flare-up with his symptoms, so that took a lot of my extra time today. And there wasn't all THAT much extra time because I couldn't get my butt out of bed. I actually lay in bed for over 30 minutes contemplating whether I should get up or not.
Yesterday was not as successful, with my intention and mantra, as I was feeling the stress manifest itself in my neck at around 1pm. I think the intention: "I extend kindess and mercy to myself and others" wasn't the right one for yesterday. And I did not return to my mantra enough throughout the day.
Also, I have decided not to participate in the remainder of the free yoga sessions at that yoga studio I tried earlier this month. It's not the right place for me at this time, where I am in my yoga journey. I am going to continue with the free chair yogas, I am still signed up for free Yin Yoga at the public library. And I really do want to try the local yoga studio nearby (the one I can ride my bike to, it's so close). The anxiety over spending the money is what is holding me back right now --- or is it the social anxiety? Hmmm.... I hadn't considered that.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
I'm learning that awareness is huge. Most of us go through life, not being fully aware. At least that is what these meditation books are saying.
As of this Sunday, September 22, there will be 100 days left in the year.
Yesterday, I added more things to my office area to help provide a more peaceful work environment. Coworkers were like, "oh look at you decorating!" (wth) but I said that i was just fixing things that have been bothering me for a while.
As I explained to my boss, We make our own happiness.
The day was less stressful. Part of it is that we're beginning the slow down in real estate. Subtle, but it's happening.
My intention yesterday was "Today I want to chill, and not take anything too personally or seriously." I think it worked!
I find myself needing something lately, like a retreat, a group, a craft, something to look forward to.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
i know you don't like the attention, but at least you were able to quickly explain to them why you were changing things ;) don't worry about their comments, you got this. you do what makes you happy!
I did not post yesterday, but it was a very good day. I started out feeling stressed, knowing which files I'd have to deal with, and no boss, and stuck with Associate Attorney who just can't get things done quick enough.
I was dwelling on the stressful and contentious Friday I had, but I quickly turned my mood around by saying to myself, "Today is my chance to do better." And I think I did just that. Tried to focus on making my dialogues productive and moving forward, rather than argumentative.
One of the helpful tools I've learned so far from Zen Teen is to set a daily intension for myself, and then a mantra. My intention was the "today is my chance to do better" and my mantra was "life is a sacred adventure." I repeated the mantra to myself several times throughout the day, and it really helped keep me grounded, but looking forward.
My boss did not go on his road trip after all. At the very last minute, his wife had a meltdown, and they didn't go. I know he had such high hopes for this motor scooter for his wife, but she wasn't having any of it. It's difficult when someone doesn't want to help themselves.
But for myself, I can only observe this from where I'm standing. My main energy has to be focused on my husband's health, my family, and my own well-being too.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
I didn't return to DD after my errand. After many days (weeks) of contemplation, I decided to reach out to someone locally who was selling 2 framed photographs that I could hang on the blank wall I face every day at work. They fit perfectly with the other decor that is in the room in which I work. I've been looking for something that would change, for the better, the environment in my workplace, and I think/hope that this will help. The seller wanted to meet up right away, and because it's hard to meet up during the week, so did I, so I had to leave right then and there. My husband came with me, for safety reasons.
It was my full intention to come back to DD and post some more, but my husband brought up a conversation, regarding his illness, that kind of threw me for a loop. I hadn't expected it, nor did I realize that he was at that point where we need to look into options that indicate that ... well, that he's not doing so well. I know that he is sore almost every day, all the time, but it's not always at the forefront of my attention. And I was aware that as the disease progresses, that more options would need to be brought in, but it's just quite startling when you realize, Now is the time. You always think it's far off in the future, and then it's here.
I still need time to process our conversation.
Afterwards, we went to the library. Husband wanted a book, and it was my intention to just return the 2 books I had, but of course, I walked out with 4 more books. I still have one book at home to finish. Two of the new books I checked out are about reducing stress. The one I started is very helpful, called "Zen Teen" -- yes, it's written for teenagers! But I like it because it's very easy to read, with definitive steps and exercises, to help oneself reset and refocus.
The other stress book I haven't started, but it is written for adults, but it is not a long book, and one of the things that I like about it is that it has a plan for a 100-day reset. I've been toying, in my thoughts, about doing a 100-day challenge of some sort, as we approach the 100-day countdown tot the end of the year. (As I calculate prorations at work, I'm keenly aware of how many days are left in the year on nearly a daily basis.) So, I am excited for he potential guidance this book may have to offer me as well.
With this reset, I also want to incorporate a contemplation of diet and exercise. Going into the fall and winter months, I know myself and I know that having a plan is necessary for self-care, and will help me greatly with nurturing myself, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
it's good you did the errand yesterday and not during the week after work. weekends to me are also for changes in plans and doing out of the ordinary errands.
that's interesting to know that sometimes you are keenly aware of the # of days of a year that are left. i'd like that info too, it's good for us planners lol.
lastly, i also would have taken out teen zen if it spiked my interest and yes sometimes those books can be just as enjoyable to read as the "adult" ones..
Glad to have finished up a very unpleasant week.
So what was supposed to be a nice 5-day mini-vacation for my boss is ending up being a quick "there and back" ride to Detroit. If he's lucky, he'll convice his wife to visit the Henry Ford Museaum. Frankly I can't see her doing that, but oh well. He'll probably be back at work on Wednesday, so just a short break.
Even Male Co-Worker came to the same conclusion that his wife doesn't want to go.
In my exhaustion, frustration, and every other negative feeling you can think of, I kind of sank into peanut butter oblivian last night. We celebrated my daughter's completion of her management class, we had macarons (cookies) and dark chocolate cake with raspberry filling. And that was very good and a very nice way to end the week.
But then, after my evening bike ride, I was still carrying around the negative feelings from work, and the only thing that would help was peanut butter. I'm not sure how much of it I ate, several spoonfuls. And then I had a piece of dark chocolate. I wasn't stuffed, but just satisfied, and then I went upstairs to get ready for bed.
So not the best.
I feel like if I could just stop myself from getting dragged in, getting dragged down, and taking this work stuff so seriously (or personally), that I could turn this around. I don't know how to do this without drinking or smoking. The walks at lunch help but the effect, sadly, doesn't last long.
I will post more later. I have to run a quick errand.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
perhaps instead of the several spoonfuls of pb, to plan to have just a little or plan to have a spoonful each night.
have you ever seen the mini rice cakes that are square and like 20 calories per slice? you could put it on that.
i'd like to say my whipped pb spreads easily and i am able to eat it moderately since i usually eat it quite often, during or after exercise.
perhaps plan to eat after your exercise, so it's "allowed" and you don't have to feel guilty doing it....
sorry to hear about your boss/his wife. he will figure it out sooner or later.
you were doing really well with work for a couple weeks, but then this week bc of the boss' plans, it seems you were caught up in them with your thoughts due to the unexpected changes.
The mental reset at work never happened.
I walked up to our building, only to see the boss's car in the parking lot. Get inside, boss is there, power is out. Long story short, boss stayed the whole day, power didn't come back on until 2p.
The boss's trip is delayed because his wife had a hearing aid appointment. Not sure what's going on, but the time and day of this appointment kept changing. I don't know if she couldn't get it straight or if my boss was confused.
There is a possibility that he could come into the office this morning. When my boss said that to me last night, I finally realized that his wife doesn't want to go on this trip.
They are driving up to Detroit to try out this specialty motor scooter for her, so that they can go on trips. Her health is too poor for her to have knee surgery, and she's not doing anything to improve her situation. So my boss thinks that this scooter will be the answer.
I'm not so sure about that.
Kind of broke down yesterday and gave in to my munchies with 3 handfuls of nuts.
Stayed up too late, very tired today.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
sorry that yesterday was an off day. and about your slight indulgence. just remember today is a new day...and that means a new start even if you don't believe it, it's true ;)
Cooler, cloudy, early storms passed through...
I hope to meet up with my daughter for lunch today. Her lunch starts at 10:30a, which is a little early for me, so I'm hoping we can meet up at 11am. I have a little shopping to do.
Going to try really hard to turn the corner with my mood today, with the boss being out of the office until next Wednesday. Even though I'm still at the office working, I hope to use these 4 days as a "re-set" for myself. Unfortunately, I did not come up with a plan or concrete steps to achieve this. However, I do know that my first step will be to take one email at a time. I deal with the file that is in front of me.
The complications come when telephone calls interrupt me. I've learned to wait to pick up the holding call, so that I can finish what I was doing, and then grab the file and look at my notes. This is an improvement but not perfect.
I hope to update this evening.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
with coming up with my current fitness plan, my friend Christine helped me put the plan on paper, actually. she helped me a good deal with writing it out. i think i had a "brain fart" doing it myself as it doesn't include the weights which was such a habit, i had to make sure to change things up and she helped me.
Having second thoughts about leaving work early to go to Chair Yoga. My boss is not leaving for his road trip until tomorrow, and I kind of feel like I should be there for his last day.
Husband said he'd go to Chair Yoga without me, which is good.
It's a good thing I went to Chair Yoga ... for my own sanity. For some reason, I am having an especially difficult time, recently, accepting the dysfunctional work environment. To be fair, it's always been there, but it is bothering me more than usual. Chair Yoga was a nice break, but when I returned to the office, the stress was soon upon me.
I actually think that I'll be less stressed with my boss gone than with him around, even if it means that there won't be an attorney around to make decisions. I mean, Associate Attorney is there, but to ask him is more work than it's worth.
Next month, my husband and I will go to Chair Yoga separately so that it's more like a long lunch hour for me, rather than time off. That is a workable solution.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
If we go separately, then it satisfies both together and independence.
So you'll have to forgive me, but today was just one of those days where "WTF" seemed to be an appropriate response to just about everything.
Breakfast went fine. They changed their coffee so now it tastes good and normal. I had a Santa Fe omlette that I seriously fell in love with. I cut it in half and cheese just OOZED out of it. Yum. I also felt that I was able to carry on a significant part of the conversation, although afterwards, I realized just how much of that was untrue - mostly my professional opinion of Associate Attorney.
So I get back to the office and Nice Lady is there. She is wearing athletic compression stockings - think like baseball players wear - and gym shoes. She is completely upright, walking back and forth, quickly -- I was flabbergasted. Literally, like WTF. In fact, that's exactly the first thing I said to Mistakes Girl when I got back. I'm like, What the h*** happened to all that crippling back pain, where she needed crutches and a walker? Where she was taken to the ER in a stretcher on Friday? Where she couldn't come into the office on Monday because of the pain?
I feel like I've been lied to, actually. I don't know if this was her Drama Queen thing again in a major way, or if she's doing this for the pain meds, or what.
She says she's still going to the orthopedic doctor on Thursday, to let the doctor know she's having an MRI scheduled on Friday. Secretly, I'm thinking to myself, PLEASE keep your appointment, PLEASE go to the doctor - because at least that way, she'll be out of the office.
Oh and at the end of the day? Associate Attorney called her 5 times, to talk about his day, what's going on tonight, what's going on tomorrow... WTF.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
However, I do see what you are saying, and know that there is some truth to that. After all, the important thing is that she's feeling better.
But next time, I won't let myself get so emotionally invested in her problems.
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Yes, some Zen Buddhism is always helpful!
innerpeace on 09/20/2019:
I and intrigued with the 100 days left in the year...i will have to find me something to strive for.
I too search for stress relieving activities and exercises.
BearCountryGG on 09/20/2019:
We do head for what we are thinking about...a good test is to walk with your eyes straight ahead on some object...and you will walk a straight line to it. Now walk watching your feet...and you will zig zag all over the place and when you look up where you wanted to go will be all off. It's a good place to vent for sure....s long as you can let it go after.....kind of getting it off your shoulders....but for you...if it makes you think about it more it may not be helping. I agree...don't keep books that don't appeal to you.....no need to waste time on those.
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