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Donkey - Sunday Sep 25, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 149.0

I am late writing this morning because I decided to attend a free workshop at the plant store.  I'll spare the details, but I assure you this is exercise related, because not only was it a 95% waste of my time, which would have been spent going to the gym, BUT there were no chairs, and I pulled or strained something in my right leg.  I don't know if exercising will help that feel better? A good stretch?  Another hot-tub session?  Ugh, overall, this plant thing was just an upsetting waste of time on many levels.

Still, I think I will try to go to the gym this afternoon, after I check on my plants (also delayed because of this stupid workshop), do the elliptical, and just stretch a lot afterwards.  I'm not sure about sitting in the hot tub afterwards.  I did that yesterday and came up with some good goals for myself for October (diet & exercise related). I do good thinking in the hot tub.  But I think that to do that again, expecting a positive outcome, would be pushing my luck and overall discouraging.

I did not do well yesterday with eating at all - in a word, chocoalte - but I think I'm over that now.  Two of the hot-tub ideas I had for October:

  • Write down what I eat.  Bleah.  I don't want to type up what I eat here.  I found a cute little notebook that I could use for this.
  • Push-up challenge - 2 sets of 20 every day.  The hardest part of this challenge is remembering.  IDK I was in the hot tub and really noticed that my upper arms have nice muscles now.
  • Limit morning bike rides to 40 minutes so that i have more time for weights and/or plants.  I could set up a yoga mat in one of the plant rooms - since the cats aren't allowed, they won't scratch it up! - and start adding 5 minutes of meditation or yoga to my days.  This could work.

Back to the eating part, I have been very, very sad lately.  Without work to distract me from my grief, the emotions that I've been stuffing down hard, to get through the day, are starting to float up to the surface.  I can't really express this to anyone else in my family here because I don't want to bring them down, and besides, there's nothing they can do, really, to help, other than to listen and hug.  So the sadness and loneliness have been really, really present.  And dumb Donkey that I am, I'm using food to cope with these emotions, trying to stuff them down.

Progress as of today: 37.5 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/25/2022:
Maybe you’ll get a natural break from the plants as the cold weather approaches? I’m kinda looking forward to the poinsettias and a few amaryllis bulbs. My biggest thrill of the year used to be getting marked down amaryllis bulbs after Xmas, but the fish tanks have taken over. The poor little bulbs sprout in the boxes and are all bent over, but will stand up in the sun, eventually. A few are duds that show no growth & so I began opening boxes before buying any.

I guess do what you can on the knee & if it’s too painful stop. That’s what the sports’ doctors told me when I tore that thigh muscle in a freak foot slips off bike peddle accident. Took a year to heal! A 5 day cortisone treatment worked wonders to relieve the pain caused by a huge swelling behind my knee.

I am sure most everyone copes with depression/anxiety/grief by overeating, .

SomeFineDay on 09/25/2022:
I find counting calories very difficult, even in cute notebooks. I am going for smaller servings and less of the fatty, salty thing.

SomeFineDayToo on 09/25/2022:
I’m sorry the plant workshop didn’t work out. The church dragged us to one once and it was so boring!

happy-1 on 09/25/2022:
I think you need a hot tub night. Also, try rolling it out on a roller or tennis balls.

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Donkey - Saturday Sep 24, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 149.0

I debated whether or not to log in my weight this morning.  I could tell that it would be high.  I can feel the bloat from extra carbs.  I ate some emotions yesterday, and I've also eaten more this week, overall. Oh well...

I know I've said you can't out-exercise a bad diet, but I had over 17,000 steps yesterday!  I think that's the highest I've had with the Garmin -- and none of these steps are from riding the bike.  I went to the gym to do the elliptical, and then I took a longer walk in the afternoon with Daughter.  Plus, I forced myself to bring down boxes, etc., from the upstairs, to stage in the the garage for garbage or recycling or storage.

I have nothing planned today.  It is cloudy right now, which does nothing to lift up the spirit.  

Progress as of today: 37.5 lbs lost so far, only 14 lbs to go!

Maisy! on 09/24/2022:
Awesome! All those steps!

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
Right? I went back to look at Friday's final, total step count. It was almost 19,000!!!

Jacky82020 on 09/24/2022:
That’s great. Yep, you can’t outstep a really bad diet, but exercise is great for maintenance. At my best, I burned 500 Cals a day exercising & that’s a pound a week. Sadly, I’ve been lazy, but will be on track soon. Some surgeries and other medical issues.

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
Same. I keep forgetting about the parathyroid surgery coming up in January, too. I hope I don't forget to get those tests before I meet up with the surgeon again....

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
Oh I wanted to say, that even though my goal is to hold steady, I sure would prefer to hold steady at 144-145, rather than 149.

Rainbow! on 09/24/2022:
Keep that Garmin busy! HUGS

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
LOL - I never thought of it that way, but I certainly will do.

horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2022:
you almost did enough steps for two days in a row! very nice. i'd say you've earned your right to RELAX! proud of you, super proud!

no worries about the weight, it will take time to level out and then go down....you do not have to stress / rush it.

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
I think it was Monday or Tuesday where I didn't make 10,000 steps, so I kind of feel like I'm making up for those lesser days???

But I realized today - which I'll write about - that maybe today should be a day of rest. More rest than I've been getting.

horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2022:
re your entry yesterday: well, you are on vacation and i'm glad you got outside!

i'm sure it's hard with your hubby and him liking all the higher cal foods to always eat light anyways....at least you enjoyed the food and at least you had a salad with it.

as a volume eater, i sometimes even have to double up on veggies in order to start to feel full before my meals...especially lately and today....i had so much salad at dinner....like 7 cups at least. followed by other food. but i had done that purposely knowing i had calories left over and that i hadn't eaten much volume the rest of the day.

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
Let me be honest - because I wasn't being honest with myself - I'm feeling very sad lately. It's hard to explain but I don't always feel the sadness so acutely. But these past few days, without work to distract me, I have really begun to access my sadness.

It's too bad that I'll probably get to the point of where I can REALLY process the grief, only to have to go back to work, and stuff it all back down.

horn_of_plenty on 09/24/2022:
we also got the big dip into cold temps overnight a few days ago. temps staying lower now.

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
I think after Monday, my bird of paradise plants (Big Bird and Little Bird) will have to come in for the winter. BB has 2 leaves that are waiting to open, and LB has 1 leaf. I was hoping to squeeze out a little more sunshine to get those things to open up, but I think I'll have to bring them in before that happens. Hopefully the plant lights will help them along.

happy-1 on 09/24/2022:
Did you ever watch the tv show The Flash? He had so many steps his shoes caught fire!

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
I have an orange pair of gym shoes. I shall envision myself as the Flash, now, when I wear them. (LOL)

horn_of_plenty on 09/25/2022:
regarding your questions to me - i work with some people who are able to walk during their day as they go onto the site to check if things are installed correctly,etc. so, some people do have some walking during the workday and therefore they don't need to move around more at lunch.

i do not walk at lunch bc i do spend the entire 30 minutes resting/eating and that's the break for lunch that i have, instead of one hour, so i can go home quickly due to horrible traffic nobody likes to take the hour lunch and we stick to half hours.

i could go out to walk like 5 min, but i already come into work right on time and prepare my breakfast instead of sitting right down to work, so no, i do not also go out during lunch...not unless i had an extra half hour added to my hours, which i'm not ready to do....

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
Ya know, I think that if I had a 30 minute lunch, I'd definitely think & do differently. Also, I had not considered the "rest" element of lunch.

And if you can go home quickly because of how you work your lunch, then definitely do that. Yes, I can see now how you are managing it. (I just hope I remember this.)

horn_of_plenty on 09/25/2022:
i've been asked again not to use this site as a planner; and being that i've actually gotten a bit sick due to my schedule and not having time enough for my own needs; i cannot also yield to this site and change more when it's not necessary i make the change except to help this site, which unfortunately such change will hurt me....so, i will prob take the leap and exit the site mostly.

maybe just pop by on days i'm off and really do have some extra time.

it's so unfortunate, but my entry was half deleted for Monday and now i have to reschedule on my word document. i cannot double-plan, etc, an already busy lifestyle. just a waste of my time as well as my patience.

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
It is not clear to me if you deleted most of your last entry or if you had done it. Either way, I'm sorry. Your advice, insights, and support have been invaluable. And I rather enjoy reading about your life that's not diet related. It's LIFE-related, and puts your dieting life part into a proper perspective.

Jacky82020 on 09/25/2022:
Oh, that’s too bad about the surgery. Is this one done through the nose?

Donkey on 09/25/2022:
No, it's little tiny cuts on the side(s) of my neck. They start on one side, and if the tests (done during the surgery) aren't favorable, they go to the other side and remove glands on that side.

Jacky82020 on 09/25/2022:
Still sounds scary, but no getting around some medical stuff

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Donkey - Friday Sep 23, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

Happy Friday!!!  Chilly and breezy (which makes it feel even cooler), but very sunny.  I'm waiting for temperatures to come up to 50 before I put my bird of paradise plants out in the sunshine.  They have some new leaves to unfurl before they can come in for the winter dormancy.  Heavy lifting!

The cats have already provided me with sufficient chores this morning, cleaning up their messes.  How on earth would I manage if I had to get to work this morning? 

I also have many trips from the upstairs rooms to the garage on the first level.  I'm bringing stuff down to the garage, so that they can be dealt with, which is either garbage, storage, or recycling.  So lots of steps!

Daughter is off today, so if she doesn't make plans with her boyfriend, perhaps she would like to spend time with her mom (me).  I have a couple of ideas, one which is going to the new grocery store, which she's been meaning to take me to, and the other is a fitness walking trail at a park.  She mentioned wanting to go to the gym, maybe, but I may go by myself soon, since she sleeps until around noon anyway.  I can always go with her again, and do something completely different.

Tonight is Church Grief Group, if we go, which I presume Husband and I will.  The thought of leaving Daughter home behind though, feels kind of strange. 

Yesterday, Husband and I visited an awesome hiking trail.  Really beautiful and especially during the week.  For most of the walk, we were the only ones there except for a crew that was doing some tree trimming.  As we were coming back to the start, we encountered a couple of other folks just starting out.  I hope to go back with him in a couple of weeks when the leaves really start to turn colors.  It will be beautiful.

Unfortunately, eating was not so good.  We stopped at a fast food hot dog place on the way home.  Then, long story short with lots of drama, there was take-out pizza for dinner.   I had a salad with mine, but still, it was pizza. And yes, I had a dessert later on.  Bleah....

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/23/2022:

Sounds like you are channeling productively!

Donkey on 09/23/2022:
Thank you!!! I am trying. On the other hand, I didn't mention that I had about an hour's nap yesterday, after the hike, after lunch - LOL. It is my vacation after all.

Unlike my Boss, though, I don't have to have a big "to-do" for a vacation. I'm quite content with doing little things, either at home or at familiar places.

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Donkey - Thursday Sep 22, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

Happy Autumn!!!  Yes, the first day of Fall is here, and here in Illinois, you can tell!  Like overnight, the temperatures highs have dipped.  Some trees are already turning colors and dropping leaves.

Did I do better with eating on my day off?  Mostly yes, except that I got kind of snacky before dinner, which was later than usual -- and that's why I was feeling snacky. 

I did not do weights.  I did not go to the gym.  I did go for a walk in the morning, and that helped me get in my step count above 10,000. 

I worked on clearing out the plant room and Son's room, and reorganizing -- mostly reorganizing plants.  OMG, I am overwhelmed with my plants and where to put them for the winter.  What have I done????  If I didn't have dumb cats that eat plants - even if they are poisonous - it would be a lot easier.  Well, at least I stayed active for sure, and didn't take out my anxiety with a lot of eating.  One thing I did realize is that the plant & rooms situation may be fluid for quite a while, as I try to figure out what works & what doesn't.  What I like & what I don't like.

Isn't that a lot like dieting?  What works & what doesn't?  What we like & what we don't like? <<< I am reminded of Inner Peace's entry where she mentions not liking most fruits.

Daughter works today, so it's just the Husband and I for the day.  It's sunny but definitely cooler.  He mentioned something about hiking.  I wasn't feeling it yesterday, but today might be a good day for that.  He's just now getting his day started, so I'll have to check in with him.  If not, then I will need to take a neighborhood walk.

No weights this morning, and I'm pretty sure no weights today.  I took a look at the weather forecase - Fall is here to stay, I'm afraid.  So I will be lugging most of my large plants from the garage on the 1st floor, including my Hannah Banana tree, upstairs for the winter.  Now THAT is some heavy lifting!  I'm glad to do it, and I'm grateful that I can.

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/22/2022:
Our weather has taken a sudden dip too. Highs in the 60s and lows in the mid-50s.

In response to your previous comment I follow those who say low glucose numbers are much better than high, even in the lower ranges. Meaning not diabetic or pre. I’ll modify my diet to far less carbs and do a keto protein thing if I’m borderline on the A1C.

I did look at the home A1C tests, but they ranged from $55-80. For 2 tests. Not all that much different from a lab draw especially if I can get a promo coupon which they will almost def send. If not not soon enough, I’ll just pay the full $39.00

I had a poinsettia doing fine since last Xmas that suddenly up and died on me. Very disappointing! I took good care of her too. And she was getting bigger.

Donkey on 09/23/2022:
I read the struggles of others here who struggle with higher blood sugar levels, and I want to cry with them. It just seems to be such a conundrum.

Maybe the poinsettia needed a re-potting? Or maybe she was just at her end. Lately, I've been realizing that I don't feel the same way about all my plants. There are a few that if they don't make it, I'd be OK with that.

happy-1 on 09/22/2022:
I feel strongly that you need a meditation corner with all your plants!

Donkey on 09/23/2022:
That's the idea! My plant room would qualify for that now. Son's room still needs some rearranging.

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Donkey - Wednesday Sep 21, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

It feels so strange not to have to rush to prepare for work this morning.  And I keep thinking it's Thursday.  I'm not going anywhere or doing anything extra special for this vacation.  But like Nice Lady at work says, Any time away from this place (work) is a vacation.  Oh yess....

Yesterday's eating went OK.  Oh I was so tempted to dive into the trail mix at work (I think there's 7 packets left), but instead, I had a popcorn ball from home, that has only 110 calories.  It really hit the spot perfectly, until dinner, which was later than usual. We celebrated Daughter's 5-year work anniversary with a very small chocolate cake.  These are really perfect sized cakes, for just a taste.  I must remember these in the future.  

Much to my dismay, Husband bought a coffee cake and pumpkin spiced muffins from the store yesterday, so that we could have breakfast together as a family.  Well, I don't like breakfasts like that, and because I wake up so early, I eat breakfast way before anybody else is awake.  Secondly, Daughter sleeps until noon (2nd shift schedule) and she usually doesn't eat until 2pm.  So....  ???  The good thing is that these pastries freeze VERY well.  So we can have a little now, and then we'll have a little for later (next month, maybe?).

I rode my bike today, and I think I'll go for an outdoor walk at around 9am, when all of the school bus activity has surely ceased.  I tried a bowl of Fiber One with almond milk for breakfast.  Much lower in calories than my usual breakfast, but very satisfying.  I'm not sure about weights.  I'm not sure about the gym - maybe this afternoon, if nobody else wants to do anything.  It's my day off, and I can do what I want.

But I will be active today, because one thing that does need to happen is bringing in the plants that are outdoors.  It is forecasted to be a low in the 40's for the first time this season, so time to come in.  I also have some cutting down to do outside, if I am so inclined.  It's good to be active in addition to exercising intentionally.

One thing I did want to talk about is that Horn mentioned, to me, the importance of stabilizing one's weight in stressful times.  Not gaining (maintaining) can be as important if not more so, in times of distress.  And I'm afraid we will have some more hard times coming up as Son's investigation wraps up.  We should be receiving the very last remainder of personal affects in a week, and then the actual report in however long it takes to process the FOIA, which we're (FINALLY) submitting this week.   

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/21/2022:
Wow! In the 40s there already? I was too lazy to take the plants outside this year. Some are getting so big. They are on a room with skylights & lots of windows, but I do think the fresh air helped my big ficus tree.

Your husband has good taste in yummies!

happy-1 on 09/21/2022:
Hugs!!!!!!! Not gaining is a victory, I agree.

Donkey on 09/22/2022:
I just wish that I could be maintaining in the 130's instead of the mid- to upper- 140's. But it's where I'm at, and that's OK.

SomeFineDay on 09/21/2022:
I’m glad yiu have some days off work!

Donkey on 09/22/2022:
AMEN!!!! I needed a break from having to deal with other people's dramas - most of them unnecessary. I know that their problems are not my problems, but it's hard not to become somewhat emotionally invested in these transactions.

horn_of_plenty on 09/21/2022:
it's been many months of struggle in terms of your son's whole long process bc of the military procedures. It will get better after this final report, i think.

I'm glad you have off and have some time to do as you please and at a better pace than when you work.

I spent most of today relaxing and was lucky enough to get a really nice walk in when the sun was shining brightly...it was nice to get some vitamin D because i wasn't getting very much lately.

i think your hubby got those treats because HE wanted the treats...and instead of "buying them for himself," he said he got them for everyone for breakfast...i only say this bc i have a coworker who does that...he wants the treat; and since he was at the store, he goes and buys a bunch for us all....

Donkey on 09/22/2022:
Ha ha - yes, I'm sure that Husband got those treats because he was hungry while he shopped. We had talked about a pumpkin spice cake, so that's why he bought the muffins -- not nearly the same thing, not nearly as yummy, but that's OK. But that raspberry cheese coffeecake - that's all him. And it's VERY sweet.

Yes, I will be glad to be done with the Air Force bureaucracy. And once these major "loose ends" are finished, then we can move forward.

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Donkey - Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

With the Labor Day holiday and then Zoom Grief Group, I really tell last night that I had missed doing yoga for 2 weeks.  Oh it was such a good session!  I had started feeling very sad right before class, and I was worried about how to answer the "how are you doing" question from the teacher.  I realized that I was also very tired, not having slept well the night before, and that fatigue was letting the sadness come through & out.  So then I knew how to answer the question.  I am feeling tired.

I got so stressed out at work yesterday, and I can truly say that there's no real reason to be getting THIS stressed out right now about work, as I am not so busy.  And I have a short work week this week - yay!  So why am I feeling so stressed out?  I do it to myself.  

And you know me:  stress at work = emotional eating.  Yep, I did not do very well with eating yesterday.  Fortunately, I was able to stop myself before eating TOO much chocolate, but I did have some extras that I don't need.  I won't lose weight eating extras, that's for sure.

I have a webinar at 1pm today, which means I will need to take my lunchtime walk earlier.  I still have food at work, from Monday, but I need to supplement what's there.  Of course, I should do this with more vegetables, but what I really want is bread & butter.  I think that's the problem I ran into with yesterday's lunch that sent me into a chocolate tailspin.

This morning, I rode my bike and did 4 different weights exercises for the back, 3 sets each.  I'm experiencing some kind of body dysmorphia where I feel like my back is huge -- very wide and huge - and not because of the weights.  This started yesterday, while sitting at my computer.  I suddenly because aware of how wide my shoulder span is.  And in spite of this, I worked out my back this morning.  Seems contradictory, doesn't it?  But that's how this Donkey rolls.

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2022:
I hope you are having a good 2-day week! much deserved! i wrote you back also on the previous entry.

great first paragraph here...i also get the "sad" feeling when tired. almost always. and it's very uncomfortable! that's when i KNOW i need sleep!

if you want bread and butter, maybe plan to have some...after eating a full salad...then make room for a couple slices bread and butter.

i'm really, really moving into veggie land lately; eating LOTS; sometimes too much volume lately but it's helping me get thru these weeks.

Donkey on 09/21/2022:
I have come to realize that when I am feeling negatively - sad, depressed, angry, etc. - that it is essential to examine one's physical state.

If I am sad, am I tired? If I am hungry, am I really thirsty? If I am angry, am I hungry? If I am depressed, am I hormonal? Kind of a self-check checklist. It's helped me immensely to not get stuck.

I had a slice of buttered bread (cleaning up leftovers) with my lunch yesterday, and WOW, did that ever hold my appetite. Very satisfying.

Donkey on 09/21/2022:
THANK YOU for responding to yesterday's entry. I replied. What you wrote, though, is very helpful.

Jacky82020 on 09/20/2022:
My best guess is you have normal range proportions. You’d have to take steroids to really bulk up. And we know our donkey doesn’t roll that way.

Donkey on 09/21/2022:
It's the strangest feeling. From time to time, I just suddenly become very aware of dimensions that feel or appear super large to me.

That's right - Donkey don't do steroids unless medically prescribed for healing purposes only. I've dabbled in supplements in the past (collagen, BCAA's), but that's probably as far as I got. And then I stopped because I didn't want to spend the money on something that I wasn't really sure worked or if it was all in my head.

Jacky82020 on 09/20/2022:
That’s interesting on the Garmin and biking. The Fitbit Is always asking me to enable GPS, but I never allow it.

I saw an interesting homicide case on Dateline. They got the killer by tracking his every footstep on his activity tracker.

Donkey on 09/21/2022:
I am resolved that the biking I do on recumbent bike is for my pleasure only. I don't think I get a real cardio benefit from it any more. I just like to warm up my body for the day that way.

happy-1 on 09/21/2022:
Hugs. You have an amazing mindset. I learn a lot from you.

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Donkey - Monday Sep 19, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

I have a 2-day week this week!  Yay!  I keep having to remind myself of this.  I would like to try to get to the gym during the workweek (when I'm off) to see how busy it is at certain times early in the morning.  IDK if I'll get to doing that, but maybe.  I did not sleep well last night, so right now, all I can think about is sleeping in, LOL.  Also, Daughter will be off quite a few days that I am off too, so I would like to see if there is anything she would like to do, either with me, or with us as a family.  I'm thinking of hiking, but she is so physically active with her work, that I'm not sure that's what she wants to do on her time off.

Yesterday, eating went well, BUT I am eating too much to lose weight.  I am grateful for at least not binge-eating or having huge sugar cravings. I think yesterday was the first day I actually met my Garmin water goal.  Easy to do when it's very warm and humid (making it feel down right hot).

Yoga tonight, which I am looking forward to greatly.  Last night, I could feel the tension in my neck and shoulders, while lying in bed, but I bet what I really need are hip stretches, which I'm seldom aware that I need until we do them.  The teacher is very flexible on accommodating what I need to work on.  I'm going to anticipate working on core, so that I keep dinner on the lighter side.

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 09/19/2022:
Yay! 2 day weeks! Enjoy!

Donkey on 09/20/2022:
It doesn't feel like it's going to happen, LOL. I got so stressed out at work yesterday. This is something I can control, but I didn't. I think one of the reasons why it doesn't feel "real" is because we're not going away on a planned trip or anything. I have nothing planned, actually -- just kind of winging it. I do have a list of choices, though, of activities to do, that I want to do.

I don't know why I get so stressed out at work, when there's really no need to be, especially as real estate seems to be calming down greatly. (GREATLY) This is something that I can work on, if I remember to do so.

happy-1 on 09/19/2022:
((((((((Hugs)))))))) Mother daughter time sounds amazing.

Donkey on 09/20/2022:
Thank you --- I hope it works out. She's got her own life to live, and I do respect her time and need to do her own things. I also respect her need to rest, because she is VERY active at work. So active outings - like the gym - aren't always on her list of things to do. She does like to take nature walks though.

Jacky82020 on 09/19/2022:
Donk, I posted a pic for you.

Donkey on 09/20/2022:
Thank you!!! I am making the switch to oatmeal as my daily breakfast moving forward, at least for now. I was doing "carb control" wraps with peanut butter, but it's really hard to control peanut butter portions (for me).

I seem to do better when I have oatmeal in the mornings. I keep forgetting that I bought a box of Fiber One, too.

Donkey on 09/20/2022:
I'm such a creature of habit!

horn_of_plenty on 09/20/2022:
if you want to watch tv while on the treadmill, you can plug headphones in...or hubby can, into the tv to hear the game...just a thought. my dad does that when on his treadmill and watching tv in his basement.

i'm glad your eating is better. don't rush it. it's enough just to start to stabilize yourself now; rather than just drop the weight...try not to stress yourself.

some weight will just come off easily if you make even a small, slight change...

Donkey on 09/21/2022:
It's probably time soon to start looking into those headphones for the TV. For many situations.

Thank you for mentioning the importance of stabilizing myself right now. This will be VERY important in the upcoming weeks or so, which I'll write a little bit about in today's entry.

I will focus on making small changes.

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Donkey - Sunday Sep 18, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

I was feeling much more positive last night, so I invite you to read the replies I made to comments on yesterday's entry, as a reflection of that positivity.

Today is OK so far.  I slept in a little bit and am in rush to get to the gym.  I will though.  Did my morning bike ride, but no weights.  That's OK, as I might do some later at home, but usually I take the weekends off unless I've slacked off during the week.  

This is diet & exercise related, I promise:  So we're getting towards the end of watching Stranger Things season 4, where the episodes are now 1.5+ hours.   We usually watch this during dinner - a change since Son passed away, because I just can't stand sitting at the table for dinner any more.  Because the episodes are so long, Husband suggested watching ST things before dinner, and then watching football after dinner - Bears vs. Packers.  That is a LOT of sitting.  That is a LOT of TV.  So IDK... plus, I don't want TV cutting so much into my afternoon.   Sitting, eating, more sitting --- OOF!  Not my idea of an ideal use of my time.  We'll see.  I'm playing it totally by ear.

I went to Walmart yesterday after the gym - did not buy any plants, but bought some plant supplies on clearance - to purchase some tools to help me get my diet part back on track.  Bought a box of Fiber One but I forgot to pick up iron pills to help with anema, so that's still on the list.  I'm not sure if I'll use the Fiber One as a breakfast or as an evening dessert snack.  It's sweet enough.

Some of you may remember earlier in the year, I met with a personal trainer at the gym, and I was crushed when he didn't show up for our 2nd session.  This seriously affected me for about 3 weeks or so.  Yesterday, when I went to the gym, he was working the front desk and recognized me before I recognized him, and was like "Hey! Hi! How are you doing?" I was so taken aback that I kind of responded moderately friendly and politely of course, but definitely at a lower level of enthusiasm.

This encounter really startled me, though.  I'm not sure how to put this into words here, but I realized that I wasted an awful lot of emotional energy trying to process that missed session.  

Also, I'm very glad and proud of myself that I didn't let that missed meeting discourage me from going back to the gym, knowing that I'd run into him again most likely.

I'm 52 years old and I've spent most of my life worrying about the wrong things.

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/19/2022:
why don't you watch those shows partly on the bike...maybe football while on the bike? i'm sure your hubby would be ok if you were on the bike and he was just sitting ;) ??

i'm glad you are "over that encounter" and all the missed gym session with the trainer. he obviously doesn't think about it too much or ever at all ;) good way to move on for you <3

Donkey on 09/19/2022:
Stranger Things was so engrossing that I did not notice my Boy Cat snatch a piece of chicken off of my plate!

I watched football while cleaning up the rest of dinner, so I was not sitting so much. I essentially walked away after 30 minutes or so, and Husband soon followed suit.

If I were to ride my bike while watching football, we would have to move down to the basement. I could have walked on my treadmill, but I think it's too loud for treadmill & football. Honestly, I think it worked out best just by not watching the entire game. :-)

happy-1 on 09/19/2022:
A no show like that affects me too and I don't know why... It shouldn't... but... it freaks me out too.

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Donkey - Saturday Sep 17, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 146.5

Yesterday was not a good eating day, and the scale definitely shows that this morning.  I was about to not update my weight here, but it's better to be honest, than to hide in denial.  Some of it may be water retention, because I had an awful lot of salt and salty things yesterday.  

I feel like I am failing at this dieting thing.  IDK, I just can't seem to get a grip on my eating. Not right now.  Maybe not this time.  IDK.    

Today feels kind of "iffy" and unsettled. I do plan on going to the gym after grief group this morning at 10a.  The rest of my day, though...  seems and feels quite uncertain, which is not good.  I guess maybe I'm waiting to see how I feel after grief group. 

Last night's church grief group was rough.  The lady who had lost both of her parents within the last 14 months was talking about how well her adult son is doing, and that was just so hard to hear.  So I came home and swallowed my grief with chocolate.  Not good.

EARLY EVENING EDIT:  I did OK today with food.  I went to the gym to do extra cardio on the elliptical.  I stayed pretty active too, throughout the day.  Got stuff done, which always make me feel better.   I still have to get through dinner & dessert, but I'm feeling OK right now, actually.

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2022:
i think you are letting your brain sych you out, Donkey.

you have to speak it to make yourself believe it and you are not supporting yourself here.

Are you sure the grief group is good for you now, if you are coming home and eating?...then again,a little chocolate is ok...just have some herbal tea with it next time...or seltzer...

i hope you have a better day today....but you can do this.

i still remember the time, a year ago?, where you lost weight quickly just following the app. so you can do it.

Donkey on 09/17/2022:
I appreciate the honest talk. Thank you for this and for calling me out on this.

That is a VERY interesting comment about grief groups. I am involved in 3 of them. I guess I never really thought about whether or not they are advantageous or not. The one I had today - the local Zoom group - was excellent and very helpful to me.

The other 2 groups (Monday's national Zoom group & Friday's church group) were ... well, to be honest, they were busts this time, but I'm not ready to give up on them quite yet. The church group is a series, and eventually, I/we will complete the series, and then I can go through it again, or maybe not. And I like that Husband comes with me. I'm having problems relating to the scripture readings with how I feel and/or where I'm at. That is VERY frustrating

But you're right: if any of these groups leads me into a tailspin every time (or most of the time), then that's not helpful at all. This is something to definitely monitor moving forward. YES.

Depending on how the 2nd half of September goes, I may start tracking my food intake again, for the month of October. Oh how I hate doing that, but maybe that's what needs to be done.

Rainbow! on 09/17/2022:
You’re not doing all that bad on weight control, by any means. Especially under serious personal losses and job stress. About breakfast, I usually eat whatever’s leftover from dinner, that is before going protein drinks. My grandmother adds water to her All Bran to make a hot cereal and tops it with whatever sugar is handy. The texture depends on how much water, so as mushy or thick as you prefer.

Donkey on 09/17/2022:
I had NO idea that people did this with All Bran, Fiber One, etc. I've always made it with some kind of milk and eaten it cold. OR I've eaten it dry for a sweet snack. I never would have even thought to have warmed it up.

Thank you for your encouragement. I suppose I am doing OK. My mom gained 20 pounds when my step-father passed away. So maintaining at around 10 extra pounds (which are - to be very honest here - are vanity pounds) isn't all that bad.

However, like you mentioned, I too am clothes-motivated in that if I do gain much more weight, I will not be able to fit into what I own. So it really can't go too much higher and needs to start trending downward.

happy-1 on 09/17/2022:
3 grief groups? That’s too much for me. I can’t handle that much pushing of my buttons in one week. More yoga would be my choice… what about knitting or crafting?

Donkey on 09/18/2022:
Each group serves its own purpose. Monday is for military suicide survivors, Friday is church sponsored so it brings in the spiritual side and it's in-person, Saturday is local and military, but not exclusive to suicide. However, the couple that run that group lost their son to suicide too, so there's a connection there.

The church group meets every Friday for 6 weeks, and then there's a break in between sessions. There are 4 sessions. It's too bad that the military related groups are all on the 3rd week of the month. I really start to feel like I need a boost around the end of the 1st week.

I'm seriously thinking of joining the military moms group which meets the 2nd week, just to help me get through any given month. IDK, you're right though -- it's a lot.

Frankly, I can let the church group go, but somehow I feel like that's an essential piece to my grieving process.

happy-1 on 09/19/2022:
I see why you are in 3 groups then!!! What about rotating?


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Donkey - Friday Sep 16, 2022
(Moderate eating w recumbent bike, walking, weights)
Weight: 144.5

Thank goodness it's Friday!!!  I cann't wait to have free time for myself.  AND I 'm only working 2 days next week before my time off.  I am anticipating hiking with my Husband, and I'd like to get him into the gym to take some classes are are oriented towards older folks, and thus, more easier on the body.  I know that the gym offers a chair yoga (for seniors), so I'm hoping we can do at least that.  Just to try it.

Eating yesterday was a mixed bag of nuts.... almost literally.  I had trail mix (minus the sunflower seeds and M&M's) and a banana for breakfast at work, but then I had a 2nd bag (minus the usual) for snack.  OK, not too bad.  And dinner was OK, if not a bit carby with rice.  But then later, I wanted a sweet and had a tablespoon of chunky peanut butter.  So I anticipate that the scale will not reward me at tomorrow's weigh-in (if I remember).  Of course, there's still today to get through, and I can make good choices for myself today.  That is what I will focus on today.

I am open to any breakfast suggestions that do not involve eggs.  Peanut butter wraps and oatmeal with peanut butter don't seem to cut it.

I had a nice, longer walk at lunchtime yesterday, and this morning I did 50 minutes on the bike and then biceps & shoulders for weights.  I'm really glad that I did weights.

I overheard Male Co-Worker telling the Boss that his doctor is threatening to put him on insulin if he doesn't lose weight NOW.  This is bad in two ways:  MCW is very crabby when he's on a diet.  And #2, I'm sure this has him even more stressed out than what is already going on.  I am quite fortunate that I don't have diabetic issues to have to deal with, at least for now. 

Progress as of today: 42 lbs lost so far, only 9.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 09/16/2022:
re below comments, she's still so young, your daughter :)

also, it took me the entire week to recover...and i really didn't actually. it's been a "tired week" for me...and i did have little burst of energy yesterday or so; but overall i have been pushing for the weekend since the week started LOL...but, more sleep this week did help me as the days ticked on.

i'll think about some breakfasts.

Donkey on 09/17/2022:
OK, so it's not just me who finds these things to be exhausting from time to time.

Jacky82020 on 09/16/2022:
Add 1/2 C water to 1 C Fiber One. Microwave for 1 minute. Add cinnamon and sugar free syrup. yum! High fiber linked to huge reduction in colon cancer etc etc etc

Donkey on 09/17/2022:
The Fiber One - what kind of consistency does it have after it's been microwaved? Would you say it's comparable to oatmeal? Or is it more solid, e.g. cake-y?

SomeFineDay on 09/16/2022:
How about oatmeal with raisins and a sliced banana? And brown sugar, or even the cinnamon and syrup like Jacky said. I have a good sugar free maple syrup.

Donkey on 09/17/2022:
I've been having oatmeal with a TBSP of peanut butter. I usually like nuts. I hadn't considered adding fruit instead. Fruit is just sugar, but that might actually hold or satisfy my "hunger" better. Hmm... I might try that! I like dried cranberries :-)

happy-1 on 09/16/2022:
Cheese, turkey, apple.

Chickpea omelette: https://thehiddenveggies.com/chickpea-omelette-the-best-vegan-omelette/

Donkey on 09/17/2022:
Oof, IDK about having turkey for breakfast, but I LOVE the idea of having like a chartreuse board for breakfast -- or 2nd breakfast at work. This could work, even with turkey or some kind of other meat (or vegan substitute). I am looking into this. Thanks!

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