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Donkey - Thursday Jun 17, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Whoa, I did not do many leg weights this morning, but I am really feeling it.  Makes me wonder what I'll feel like after sitting at a desk all day *sigh*. 

Staying on track with macros and calories.  Oh my but yesterday was tough.  Husband made himself a dish of ice cream.  I have frozen banana slices that I could have eaten but I was done logging food for the day and didn't have much wiggle room left. 

Thing is, with the Lose It app, last week I was told that I could reach my goal weight by July 29th.  Then, as the week progressed, it kept moving to later:  July 29th, July 31... last night it was August 3rd.  Now how discouraging is that?  Especially since I've been slightly under calories for all but 1 day (where I went 28 calories above, about 2 weeks ago) and hit the macros pretty well.  Anyway, I'm looking at the Big Picture and telling myself that if I stay on track, dedicated and disciplined, I should be able to reach my goal by the end of July --- just in time for birthday cake!!!!

Thank goodness it's Thursday.  All day yesterday, it kept feeling like a Thursday, only to be hit with the reality that it wasn't. 

One thing I realized about work and the hiring of a new person:  I was getting discouraged because the Boss wants to hire someone young, doesn't want any one who is "old" (30's) and has habits and ideas that might challenge the way we do things.  Well, guess what?  I don't want to work for someone who is old, who makes such glaring and embarrassing mistakes.  I was venting to Male Co-Worker last night (dangerous to do, I know, because he's a back-stabber), and he said it's the "New Normal".  Yes, it makes more work for us, to backtrack and correct the Boss' mistakes, but that's where we are right now.   

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/17/2021:
Your app sound interesting......like my shapa......it just keeps encouraging.....( I'm still green)...looks like we maintain just fine...LOL

Jacky82020 on 06/17/2021:
Your boss sounds like a jerk!

horn_of_plenty on 06/17/2021:
TOTALLY get you on not wanting that longer commute. sometimes less pay is worth it. though i'm not sure you are being compensated fairly based on what you've told me previously.

in terms of your morning legs workout, i always find morning workouts more challenging. maybe your legs just feel like that bc you aren't used to morning leg workouts?

nice job with yesterday and not doing the temptation. i also still have days like this...especially during the week where i'm up many hours...where i have to resort to eating something that will fall into calories left or just not eat again before bed because calories are up...i think this happened on the weekend for me, last weekend. i feel you. happens to me as well.

may write more later on other parts of your entry...

horn_of_plenty on 06/17/2021:
I feel that 30's is better than 20's...because a 30's person has work experience.

however, i do feel that it doesn't matter the age, as long as the person has the right mentality for the job. you are right, age shouldn't matter, it's the aptitude.

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Donkey - Wednesday Jun 16, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

I am in a very odd spot right now.  Trying to get things sorted out.  

Tracking macros and calories is going well, I think, but I'm wondering if the slight decrease in calories is contributing to my moods.

Also, I've stopped taking melatonin to help me fall asleep.  Ran out and haven't bought more.  So my sleep IS different.  Ironically, Fitbit says that my sleep scores are GREAT.  It's not feeling GREAT though.  Let's see how the rest of the week goes.  I might buckle and buy some over the weekend, if I feel it would help.

I had awesome arms weight training, both morning and evening. 

So why don't I feel better?  Why don't I feel anything?  I feel numb and tired.

Did I mention that we're hiring someone at work, part-time, to help with "clerical" duties.  I was told this person would not be involved with files, but what we really need help with is opening new files.  That is SO time consuming. 

I have a lot of mixed feelings about a new person coming in.  Not the actual person, but what I'm observing:  Boss wants to hire someone young that will take the crap that he dishes out without pushing back.  So this makes me wonder if I'm too old to be working for him any more.  Because I do push back.  Male Co-Worker pushes back too.  Mistakes Girl is starting to push back, but only because she has reached her limit. 

I got a raise yesterday - a dollar an hour more - and felt no joy about it.  I think I got the raise because I was talking about going over to Wal-Mart to work, LOL.  

IDK like I said, I'm trying to sort things out.  I think Bear hit it on the head about needing to take a break.  At work, Mistakes Girl said that I probably need a break (when I told her I was struggling with anxiety -- didn't mention anything about depression).  

Do I need a dieting and exercising break???

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/16/2021:
A few days to unwind sound like a good idea...not sure how that could or would happen but you may just need a break.

Donkey on 06/17/2021:
You're right, not sure how that would happen. In July, Mistakes Girl is taking a week off, and that's gonna be rough - really rough, especially with the burn-out that I'm already feeling.

bearcountrygg on 06/16/2021:
Dieting and exercising schedules are a lot in themselves...along with a job and other responsibility's take a toll on the body.....I've done it...( it was years ago)and I have to say...it was a huge stress...and probably unnecessary......but something I felt compelled to do......filling every day to the brim is really hard to maintain long term. And I know that I imposed that on myself.....I will say that I was too busy...but not too happy.....I was crazy enough to have 2 teenagers, 4 foster kids between infancy and 4...and I actually started a childrens clothing business at the same time...took photos, had catalogs printed....ordered shipments...and was hauling all the little ones around with me to okay things......i look back on that now and feel like i was trying to prove a point...I wanted to do everything and was going to prove that I could...I wanted to have it all ( not money...but something else)...I had to prove to myself I could...well okay....I proved it.....but it didn't make me happy.....so there really wasn't a point to it....other than exhaustion....

Donkey on 06/17/2021:
Now that's a good point - If you're not happy, what's the point of the effort?

Hmm... Well, for now, at least, I'm hoping that I would be able to maintain at around 135. That is to say, once I reach 135 (goal), I could increase my intake a little bit to maintain, and operate at more optimal nutritional levels.

horn_of_plenty on 06/17/2021:
regarding the first part of your entry, it sounds like you are impatient/wanting more of "instant results"...it takes time...it sounds like you are antsy and want something quicker. regarding melatonin, if it helps you, buy it...i wouldn't even question something that helps.

i'm glad someone new is coming. honestly, i think their progress is much affected by the training they receive at the beginning...i hope you will teach them. i would teach slowly and in detail. make sure they take notes on a notepad.

congrats on your raise. i think you may be underpaid. i see your work as much more valuable where you are than at walmart. maybe look for a better opportunity in the field you are in. when you have experience, you can get a lot of money as a paralegal...unless your area in chicago is cheaper living and low salaries, though, i would doubt that as you live right by Chicago which is a busy city and i'd think competitive salaries...????

Donkey on 06/17/2021:
I could make more money if I worked closer to the city. The thing is, I do not want the commute. I'm not doing that again.

Am I impatient? It would not be honest to say that I'm not; it's my personality. And who wouldn't want "instant results" (lol)? I'm at the point where the water weight is gone, and now I've got to dig deep to stay on track, if I want to reach this goal.

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Donkey - Tuesday Jun 15, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

It felt last night that the anxiety dissolved into depression last night, and this morning, I feel more myself.  I don't see any correlation between any of these emotions to events or specific triggers.  I'm not sure it matters, other than to feel positive in the moment.

I boiled eggs this morning, so my morning will be protein-packed.  I had a great bike ride and did arm weights this morning.  I'm hoping to do more arms (biceps, triceps, and shoulders) this evening.  

Yoga last night was good.  I'm glad that she didn't do the same routine as last week.  She said she would, and then went off track.  I think that's one of the problems with the Zoom classes is that she's repetative with the poses that she does, but there are also positives to working with her.   I may take a short break after my 10-punch ticket is up.  OR the problem may be that I just need a change in teachers, not necessarily to stop yoga altogether.

I went into the session feeling depressed and came out of it feeling more positive and relaxed.  It's cheaper than therapy.

(I will respond to comments on yesterday's entry tomorrow, as I am short on time this morning already... Yikes!)

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 06/15/2021:
I sometimes get depressed for no apparent reason. Think it’s biochemical.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
YES - I must always keep this in mind, that it may be hormonal or biochemical. I wonder if, with the decrease in calories (from tracking), if that's contributing to my mood too. YES.

bearcountrygg on 06/15/2021:
Agreed...sometimes a mood comes over me out of the blue too....and then disappears just as fast...no idea why.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
I think Jacky had a good point about some of it being physical in nature - hormones, maybe decrease in calories, carbs? I thought of you last night, how you've said carbs are happy food and you like to be happy. Very true, but for where I'm at right now, I opted to go to bed instead. I'd like to reach my goal weight first.

However, a prolonged depression is not worth it, so I will keep an eye on this, and continue to monitor my mood.

horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
I'm glad you are beginning to feel back to yourself. also, i LOVE hearing you are prepared with eggs. regarding eggs,sometimes you'll just need a break anyways.!!!

breaks are good with routines. like taking a break after your classes are up.

like bear said the other day, the break gives you just enough time to miss it and come back to it!

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
YES, I think you're right -- Bear's comment was like mind-changing -- distance makes the heart grow fonder.

In fact, Mistakes Girl pointed out that it's been a while since I've had real time off, and that might be what I need. Time off from work, time off from yoga --- just time off.

horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
yes, exercise is good for the soul.

today with the public trans, the busses and trains espcially are PACKED in the AM you wouldn't believe it. it's a time construction workers on packing the trains and also in general people are just not all sleeping even normal hours it seems here in NYC...so my point - i felt tired from the commute but also invigorated from the walk from the train to work (gotta figure it out better as it's not a straight line - the last part!)...but it was good to move around, is my point. way better than getting out of a car just to sit at work. it was worth it....now i just need to get used to getting up...

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Wow, packed??? Who would have thought? But it makes sense, I suppose. There are a lot of people out there who start their days very early.

horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
i get in depressive moods, but mostly from less self-care and sleep.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Yes, very true -- I think both of these could be affecting my mood, especially the sleep part. I'll write more about this.

horn_of_plenty on 06/15/2021:
yes, i'm still thinking of the Master's but it's on the backburner. i have to speak on the phone to someone or apply - never applied to the two offerings...to see if i need any pre-reqs.

i am not focused on it now, but i want to do it or at least do the smaller 3-course certificate. only applied to the other MBA-type cert program - didn't yet apply to any MPA...but it's a lot of money and i have enough to think about...i will work on it when i'm off a day or something...not priority.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
OK - was just checking in with that. It's a huge investment in time and money, so it's good to be thinking of all options.

horn_of_plenty on 06/16/2021:
sometimes here i feel like i'm having a private conversation with you...like my journal entries are specific for your info HAHA

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Me too! :-)

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Donkey - Monday Jun 14, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Just trying to brace myself for a new work week.  It seems as though some of the staff may have seen "In the Heights" movie over the weekend (not together), so I am already preparing myself for the chatter over that.  I never realized how irritating I find small talk.  However, I'm grateful that I work in a law firm with an inviting atmosphere I guess, rather than one that is cold and quiet.

I did not prepare hard boiled eggs this morning for breakfast, so it will be a struggle to get enough protein in today.  Failure to plan is planning to fail, that's for sure. 

Yoga tonight -- I keep forgetting this.  Last night I had the sudden thought that I think I'm done with yoga.  WHAT????  Now, if you know me, you know that it usually takes at least 6 months from when I have a thought to actually following through with such thoughts.  Had COVID not hit, I probably would have quit legal clinic a long time ago.  Logically speaking, I believe that I should KEEP the yoga - it is beneficial to me, because it takes me places I don't normally go (stretching, relaxing, meditating, etc.).  Maybe what I'm trying to say is that I'm longing to be back in a studio.  I wish the studio near me hadn't closed down.

Speaking of which, last month I was told that we'd be starting up legal clinic again this month, but I just logged into the calendar, and it says we're still closed, no appointments available.  Oh well, fine by me!

Well, I'd better get ready for work and do just the best that I can do.  I can feel, with the anxiety, that it will be harder to achieve a positive attitude.  I use my cynicism as a defence mechanism.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/14/2021:
In agreement...I find idle chatter irritating...but 1 good thing....if you haven't seen it...it will be a good reason to stay out of the conversation ...which might just be nice. Was that your subconscious speaking about the yoga???? I love it when the mind goes into free form mode and reveals things......I agree...you probably miss the studio atmosphere.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
Yes, I think it was my subconscious speaking about yoga, but I think it was an impulsive thought, too.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2021:
the type of tracking you do is almost like accounting / statistics (well, it is!). very nice. was that something the boss had asked you to do in the past or you chose to? also, that's a great "monthly" preoccupation and repetitive task which sounds right up my alley! ha!

well, in terms of walk-ins to your work, thankfully you got your shot. at least you have some kind of defense to the virus. thankfully.

it is true that plannign helps. even though i like to plan, i do not always follow-thru with everything and there's a TON more people much more type A than me....who have crazy diets / crazy workouts / don't sleep as much. oh! anyways, i find myself in the boat with you on failing to plan is planning to fail in terms of my commuting and actually doing any cardio at all. working on a better plan :)

well, are there any other nearby studios for yoga?

you can do this, don't talk yourself up for a failure "negative" day because that's what you think it will be.

i wish you could work with my peoples. they are OK. but i have some other things to share with you in a private place.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
The lady who had my job before me tracked statistics, so I just kept it up. I honestly don't know how long he's been keeping track of stats or the history of it.

There are other studios around me, but most of them have odd methods of payment/class participation. There are 2 near work, and 1 relatively close to home (near my old gym, many years ago). This is what my short-search has brought up. There may be more farther away.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2021:
let me wait till i'm ready for that last part, you don't need to remind me. just need to wind down when i'm ready to write it; if it's still on my mind.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
I've been really struggling with my thoughts about the people I work with -- not so much the individual people or personalities, but rather, working with old people, working with new people, being open to new ideas, seeing things that "aren't working" and yet feeling powerless to change that.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/14/2021:
not sure if you knew this: in accounting / business, there's a regular closing of temporary accounts. they get dialed back to "$0" in all the temp files and anything that was in them goes into permanent files. therefore, some of things accountants (or similar occupations) are a regular, and many times monthly, repetitiion of ending of the accounting cycle, tallying thins, balancing files, CLOSING, and then starting fresh every accounting period (many times monthly). so, what you are doing, has some similiarties to accounting, surely, and i'd bet statistics. i didn't take that, so it's a good presumption! ha! it is, afterall, stats you are doing. ha.

Donkey on 06/16/2021:
I would agree with that assessment. I realize that there are limits to the stats I keep, the way I do them. That is to say, I could go deeper into the stats keeping, subcategories and such, but then the process would become much more work. I'm not sure the Boss wants that extra data for his purposes.

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Donkey - Sunday Jun 13, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

 Remembered to weigh in this morning, but forgot to set up the coffee pot and run the dishwasher last night.  So after going to the bathroom, I came downstairs, started the coffee, ran the dishwasher, and then went upstairs to weigh in, get dressed, etc.  The next week will be harder, now that the weight loss is slowing down, and as I get closer to goal.  I remain firm in my dedication, but I can see how discouraging it might become if the numbers don't keep going down.  

The gym was pleasant yesterday, but they have taken away all of the COVID precautions except for leaving the extra cleaning stations around.  I thought hard about whether or not I was going to wear a mask.  In the parking lot, I decided that I do believe in the efficacy of the vaccine, and so I did not wear a mask.  I did take care to social distance and wipe down EVERYTHING I would touch (before and after usage).  There was only 1 person wearing a mask, and that was the front desk person as I was leaving the gym (after the shift change).  So we'll see...  I am mentally prepared to resume more COVID precautions going into the winter months, but maybe we won't need them.

At work, our COVID precautions have been removed, and we are now accepting walk-ins again.  I'm not thrilled about it - I hate walk-ins - but I was already mentally prepared for this change.  The locked front door was never meant to be a permanent thing, and I always knew that.  The Boss started to console me about the change, but I told him that, ironically enough, I was anticipating this change several days before it happened, so I was OK with it.  

Husband came home last night, and I'm glad he made it back.  I'm also very glad I did not go.  It was very hot downstate - about 10 degrees hotter than it is up here, and that's really bad - and there was family drama, bad storms on the way home (which would have been very hard on my PTSD).  Yep dodged a bullet there.  I was very relieved that Husband was able to make the trip alone, although he did run into a little minor difficulties due to his disabilities. 

He told me last night that he doesn't do so well without me (physically speaking), and this morning, I told him that I don't do so well without him (emotionally).  I discovered that when he's not around, I really like to just do things alone, but the problem with that is that it gets lonely. Also, last night and then again this morning, I started experiencing some anxiety that has been very difficult to manage.  

I think last night, it was kind of a release of what I had been holding in, and the anxiety just started to pour out.  I couldn't fall asleep, I just felt it bubble up and overflow.  I started tearing (not sobbing, not really crying, but just tearing).  It's been a while since I've had such a strong anxiety experience.  I hope that this feeling dissapates soon. It's not feeling nearly as strong as it was last night.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/13/2021:
I know exactly what you mean.......There are times when i need the alone time and then after that for awhile...i start hoping he gets home soon and relieved when he arrives......I just had this same conversation with a friend the other day........and I'm reminded of a favorite saying..."How can I miss you if you don't go away!!!!" There is so much truth in that......I guess it is a good thing that we have times apart for a bit...it does make us appreciate each other more.

Donkey on 06/14/2021:
Very true - I hadn't considered it from this perspective.

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Donkey - Saturday Jun 12, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

I'm so disappointed that I FORGOT to weigh in this morning!  I was already 2 cups of coffee and 40 minutes into my morning bike ride when I realized I had forgotten.  SO -- I can either weigh in tomorrow, or stick to Saturdays and weigh in next week.  I think I will try to remember to weigh in tomorrow.  At this point, with tracking foods, I think it's important to have as much feedback as possible.

According to the Lose It app, I should be able to reach my goal weight by August 1st, if I stick to their plan.  It may take me a little longer than that, because someone has a birthday towards the end of July, and Lose It adds days to "reaching your goal" if one goes over her calories for the day.  (I was a little over yestserday, maybe... it was difficult to log in the beef schwarma.)

Work was not too bad yesterday, but that was because the attorneys were gone for most of the day.  I worked until almost 6pm, but I am caught up on everything but monthly statistics. So I am in a REALLY GOOD spot to start on Monday.  My tasks are already organized, I'm caught up on checking new files for Mistakes Girl's mistakes, got the estate planning files opened, yep -- I'm ready for a busy Monday.

Husband is downstate today, dealing with the memorial service for his grandma, who passed away last year from COVID.  If you recall, I had hoped I could have gone with him, but it was too much of a work drama to take Monday off.  Then it turns out plans had changed, so I decided it was not meant for me to go.  Just as well... However, it seems strange to be alone.  Daughter is here, and we might go hiking or maybe to the gym together.  Husband should be back later tonight, if all goes well to plan.

It is already oppressively hot.  I've done 3 loads of laundry:  mine, Boy Cat's bed (he's very particular and there was a hairball in it), and then my comforter (looks at Baby kitty - uh oh!).  Everything is outside drying. 

It just feels so good not to be at work today! 

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/12/2021:
I have never washed my quits as much as I have since sampson......i keep finding kitty litter on them...and he sleeps on the bed all night.....UGH...I hear the cat laundy issue.....Hope you enjoy your quiet time...and I'm sure you will be ready to see him when he returns...seems to work that way here. I'm sure Monday morning will be a lot easier to look at....!!!

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
I probably shouldn't be too optimistic about Monday (LOL) but there is some comfort in knowing that I did all that I could to set myself up for a good day.

A lot will depend on how many new contracts we get in over the weekend. Those take SO much time.

Jacky82020 on 06/12/2021:
I skip my daily weigh-in if I forget to do it first thing in the AM.

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
The minute I drink or eat anything will rule out the possibility of weighing in. Bathroom, light activity, etc. >> I will still weigh in... like I did this morning. (Forgot to run the dishwasher and set up the coffee maker.)

Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2021:
yeah, that drama below is pathetic that the attorney with you for years should not plan better! yeah, def not your problem!

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
I wanted to be sure that you understood my frustration with Associate Attorney. And now you can understand why we needed to hire New Guy -- because 15 years of doing real estate and Associate Attorney is still very much an amateur.

Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2021:
yeah, weighing in tomorrow sounds the best plan, like jacky said. also, when people forget to take medicine, usually they are told to take it as soon as they remember. so your idea with weighing in at the next opportunity is the best idea i'd agree.

it's always nice when work has less distractions and everyone's out of the office, yeah...

you do office statistics? that's cool. what do you do.?

did hubby drive by himself or take a bus or ride from someone? i didn't know he drove.

sorry it's hot by you. it's not hot here this week. just low 70's, even just 70. i've loved it.

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
I did weigh in this morning (Sunday).

I keep track of new contracts, and the types of transactions they are (sales, purchases, short sales, short sale purchases). I also keep track of how many new contracts the attorneys get, individually.

Then I keep track of how many files have closed and what they are, e.g. how many sales closed, how many purchases closed, how many New Guy files closed, etc.

Then I also keep track, on a monthly basis, as to which agents sent us the most files. This data goes into another database that determines "bonus gifts" that the Boss gives out to his top producing agents. Associate Attorney does his own agents, although the gifts are purchased by the Boss (eye roll).

I do this for every month, although I haven't had time to do May's stats yet. And so I'm sure you can understand why it was DEVASTATING when the Boss took my stats list and LOST it. (Couldn't remember where he put it...)

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
Husband drove himself. We had tried to find someone to ride with him, but it just didn't work out. He did well. The safety features that cars have now really help him since he can't turn his neck any more.

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Donkey - Friday Jun 11, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

I fell quite short of a Positive Attitude yesterday, and with the day ending on a sour note, my mood at home was not very good either.  Throw cramps and TOM into the mix, and it was just a Hard Day.  But I'm not giving up on trying!  I'm going to try again today, and it should be easier, because the attorneys will be in and out most of the day at closings.   

I had high hopes for Associate Attorney, but sadly, he did not follow through on what I told him, and I found the file waiting for me, to notarize (he could have done that) and overnight.  Well, if we overnight the documents they won't arrive in time for closing.  He started to freak out, asking me, what to do, will it get there on time, what should we do, should he deliver the package himself, what time does FedEx get to the title company (like I would know that???)....  I'm like, "I'm done with that file.  I've prepared it. I have to move on to other files that need my attention."  

So he ended up - wasting more time - by driving the file to the title company (about an hour away in traffic), instead of making phone calls to clients and writing needed letters.

And I'm so tired of my Boss forgetting things and talking about the old days...

I was in a tense mood when I got home, although I tried my best to be positive and upbeat.  I was so tired.  It was so hot.  I was not in the mood for the take-out dinner we had last night.  The schwarma I had was too saucy, so I had only a little bit.  I got hungry later on, but just went to bed at 9:17p.  My sleep was not good, and woke up in the early morning to go to the bathroom.  When you start dreaming of going to the bathroom, it's time to get up and go.  

Like I said it was a Hard Day, but today is a new day, and I'm going to do my best!

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 06/11/2021:
I just shake my head when reading about your business people. I guess more education does not make them smarter...there's a line in a song...'makin' the best of the worst day kinda night' that didn't work out very good.

I say that because when I got home the girl asked, are you going to bite my head off? I asked her why would I bite her head off, she says, because you do when you have a bad day at work. ..broke my heart. I apologized and told her I had an ok day and I wouldn't bite her head off. I will remember this and try not to bring my 'bad' days home!

Totally agree about when you start dreaming about going to the bathroom...it is almost PAST time to get up and go! literally laughed out loud because this has happened to more more times than I want to admit...sometimes it's just so hard to get out of bed.

I hope you have a better day today and a great weekend.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
With the Girl -- that's happened at my house. My family calls me out on my mood and I'm glad that they do.

Jacky82020 on 06/11/2021:
You dreaming of going to the bathroom? I dreamed I did Brad Pitt, so hah!

Sorry about all the work drama and may Brad be in your dreams. I’m willing to share for a friend.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
Time for sex with the husband...

Thank you (?) for sharing your Brad dreams! Wild times here at DD!

horn_of_plenty on 06/11/2021:
New attorney, young guy, has a lot to learn it seems. he may need your advice really quickly. you may have to give him heads up on what to do, etc...but he will also have to learn on his own...

ha - your boss will not get better about forgetting things, that's for sure!

you can always blot out the extra sauce on the shwarma, no? shwarma is good...what kind of meat was it?

also, you can supplement it with veggies...

you remind me of the option to get shwarma soon on the way home from work, but not today as it's closed on Friday evenings and saturdays because it is a jewish kosher place.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
I want to be clear: This attorney drama was with Associate Attorney, who has been a lawyer for 30 years and has been doing real estate closings for at least 15 years. He knows better.

If this had happened with New Guy, I would have completely understood. This, to me, is almost inexcusable. Associate Attorney has been with us for 6 years? And it's like he's a newbie -- quite often.

bearcountrygg on 06/11/2021:
My mother in law used to dream she was going to the bathroom too....agreed....time to get up and go. I have a tiny bladder...so if I wake up at night...and the thought crosses my mind...I just get up and go....it is a very rare night that I don't at all......maybe once a year.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
I used to have a very strong bladder, but it's only been in the last year or 2 that I've noticed a change.

I haven't had to limit my water intake early in the evening, yet, but I'm probably getting to that point where I'll have to stop drinking water by 7p or 8p.

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Donkey - Thursday Jun 10, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Oh my, the fatigue this morning is so heavy...  I could have been to bed at 9:15p (or a little sooner), but was not disciplined enough to turn off my phone.  This is a bad habit that needs to change, even if it weren't for TOM fatigue.

I really struggled with a Positive Attitude yesterday.  Like Horn mentioned to me in her comments yesterday, I found myself making little "side remarks" to my Boss that were not positive.  They weren't aimed at him, but they did express a negative attitude about -- I forget, files? clients?  something like that... Even these little things do not add anything positive or constructive, so not going there today.

I hope I don't walk into a wasp's nest today.  I could not stay late last night, and Associate Attorney did not manage his time properly.  There is a file closing on Friday that needs his review and notary stamp.  He started this yesterday at 4:40pm and was not very focused (like, not paying attention to what was in the file).  Well, if those documents needed to be overnighted yesterday, they had to be in the FedEx box by 5:30pm.  I left at 5:10p, and he was still trying to figure out what was what.  Sorry, I cannot stay late just because he didn't manage his time and files properly.

I did OK with food yesterday.  The app is really helping me keep within calorie range.  My macros portions though are a little unbalanced.  It looks like I eat too much fat (nearly 50% of my calories).  I believe that this is from the amount of coffee that I drink.  Each cup has 2 measured teaspoons of heavy whipping cream (HWC).  I just cannot go back to half-and-half or anything less fatty than HWC.  I end up having 4-5 cups of cofee a day.  The cream calories add up, but so be it.  I have to have my coffee; I cannot drink it black.  I don't enjoy it with anything other than the HWC.

Today is Leg Day (for weights), but because of the fatigue (and now cramps), after my bike ride, I did 2 separate exercises, one for hamstrings, one for quads, and I think that's it.  I do not think I will do anything additional tonight.  I really am hoping for a 9pm lights out bedtime tonight.  Taking care of myself is the first step in establishing an effective Positive Attitude.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 06/10/2021:
HWC is wonderful, but high in calories. I use a chocolate protein drink and the husband uses sugar free Nestle liquid Italian Cream, it’s really quite good. We used to use half & half.

Your job sounds so stressful! Have you ever considered talking to the boss and saying you want to try something else? Would that motivate them to offer you a raise or assure you the door’s open should you return?

innerpeace on 06/10/2021:
I'm glad I don't have the taste for coffee, that would be extra calories that I wouldn't need.

I'm glad you didn't stay and wait for the Associate Attorney to figure out what is what. I'm glad you drew the line. That is sometimes hard when you are trying to do what is right for the buyer/seller and take care of yourself. That is a very positive way of thinking!

bearcountrygg on 06/10/2021:
Positive is better for sure....it will get to be second nature......i like my coffee black...and sometimes add other things...but always go back to black.....i know there are a lot of Weight watchers that put flavored muscle milk in their coffee...the fav seems to be the caramel flavored one.

horn_of_plenty on 06/10/2021:
Totally understand your discipline issue with bedtime bc that’s what I do sometimes also, then I’m just not as rested the next day. Sorta did that today - it prevented me being able to walk at the park beside work. Will try again tomorrow !

Right now, I am working with a whole different mindset of a team. It’s lots of little teams but I actually find myself driving home the past few days thinking nice thoughts of people I work with. This hasn’t happened for a very long time. Today I did thank my boss.

Remember all that thigh pain I was having ? It’s diminished totally right now. I am thinking I might have been due to either commuting or stress.

I am in agreement that attorney needs to plan better and that if something is high priority he should do it earlier before you leave. Instead of telling him yourself, I guess you can let him learn it as he’s an attorney and smart guy and he shouldn’t need you to tell him. But, if it would be constructive to him, you decide. I just seem to think most people of that level are smart as should know better- when you are 30 though, maybe you can miss deadlines not sure ?!

Well high fat foods are also very satisfying. You so not like whole milk coffee ? It’s safe a lot of cals. Otherwise, it’s hardly a big indulgence to drink what you do - and life is to be enjoyed. And it’s far better than bingeing so if you like coffee that way, keep on. Its not gonna make you gain or obese to continue that habit as gaining weight or losing is about overall diet. For instance, my diet is currently high In sweets compared to the past bit I work them in - so the effect isn’t so visible ..

horn_of_plenty on 06/10/2021:
PS- instead of walking in beautiful weather, I am sitting on stationary bike next to an open window which is also nice but more restful - pampering myself tonight and enjoying stationary bike while I type to you!

horn_of_plenty on 06/10/2021:
What I meant by visible is simply diet is the sum of everything- not just the cream in your coffee. And If that’s an indulgence, it’s an easy one to have balanced into your diet just like I do with sweets. Yes I think we should enjoy our choices

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Donkey - Wednesday Jun 09, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Good morning! 

So yesterday, I felt that I was able to keep working on my positive attitude, until I got home.  I can't say I was 100% sucessful at work, but I know at home, I failed miserably.  The dinner clean-up was overwhelming... but I got it done.  (Yes, Husband helped, but I like everything to be cleaned before I start the evening, and he's more of the "I'll get to it later tonight" which doesn't always work out.)  Then we had more miscommunications that were frustrating, but I think we worked it out.  I mean, we weren't fighting, but it just seemed all too laborious.  

Stayed up too late, waiting for my Fitbit to charge.  That thing takes a long time to charge.  I'll be down to 70% and it will take 45 minutes to charge it back up to 100%.  I don't charge it until I'm relaxing in bed, so as not to miss many steps.  Maybe I need to change this.

So I didn't get to bed as early as I had hoped.  I was awoken in the early morning by bad dreams.  I realize that the last 2 nights, I haven't slept well, dreaming a lot of distressing, sad dreams.   I'm also dealing with pre-TOM fatigue. So I am tired today, which is not the best start to having a Positive Attitude.

Maybe I'll just have a Quiet Day today.  But I will still remember:

  1. One task at a time.  Doesn't matter how many emails. Every email is the first email.
  2. Can't make clients do what they don't want to do.  It's up to them if they want to close or not.
  3. Have a "half-full glass" outlook, and end any conversation on a positive note.

More work drama:  Nice Lady complailned that she didn't want to help with our real estate files and marketing any more.  (She really wants to do just the bankruptcy and the handful of real estate files that are exclusively for Associate Attorney.)  The Boss has decided to hire us a part-time person to assume the tasks that Nice Lady doesn't want to do any more.  Nice Lady doesn't know this yet.  SO:

(1) I'm waiting for this to blow up into a huge drama, from Nice Lady, that we've ganged up on her, we're trying to squeeze her out of the firm, poor her, etc.


(2) I'm waiting to see if this means she will be coming into the office less often, or if she'll still come to work, but just hang around, talking to people, listening to Cubs games, and doing just her stuff. 

I'm kind of thinking #2 will happen.  How many times has she talked about working from home?  Or cutting back her hours?  Making huge dramas and announcements about it, only to take it all back...  I don't have time or energy to worry about that, so I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the show on this one.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/09/2021:
Great attitude!!!!! It makes things so much easier on you doesn't it? You mentioed the other day that you and your husband hear differently...we do too.....D really needs hearing aids but is so far refusing.....he only hears specific tones and I have noticed that I tend to speak as much as I can in those tones........so he hears me......I accidentally recorded my voice the other day and i sound like a shrew)...that didn't make me happy...but it's the only way he hears me...UGH...my hearing isn't as bad...but I do have a little issue with it ( he sounds like he is mumbling sometimes)....BUT...this morning I actually had to spell 2 words out for him and that didn't even help....it is so hard to communicate sometimes...I get you.

Donkey on 06/10/2021:
Ha ha! I often feel that my husband mumbles a lot! But I know it's the hearing thing. That's so funny to read that you guys deal with that too. Men are from Mars...

Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2021:
ok i have a suggestion with the charging of the fitbit. i have to say, you've been using it so long that you can (i'm sure of this!) accurately estimate your steps or accurately know if you are getting almost the right steps...you can guestimate a little. the watch, whether you charge it or not, isn't going to give you a workout. the watch, like a scale, only shows you what you've done. watch and scale or no watch and scale, you still can exercise or rest. not sure if you like this analogy. a reason why i never got a fitbit watch or anything is because, for me, i know i'm wayyyy under the mileage steps that are recommended. i figure i do what i can do; but i do not need to buy a watch to know what's going on... of course though, if i had no injuries, i may have bought a watch; or simply increased cardio a lot more by now. but that's out of the question for me. so instead of knowing i'm under steps; i just thinking about mileage. i always consider a walkin gmile for me to be around 25 min. i'm slow. 20-25 min is a mile. so if i've walked an hour, it's like 2.5-3 miles. 10 min is around half mile. that's how i think of my steps. 5 min, a little less than 1/4 mile.

thank you for your reminders, here, to be positive. i have not been extremely positive to my boss, who is one of the higher paid and much smarter than my old boss. i have hinted that i know where i'm at in life; that i'm not exactly happy with that...tomorrow i will thank him for being so welcoming and again express gratitude to be there. i have to. and next time he asks me something; i do not need to hint anymore about negative things as i realize he's puerto rican and MUST have worked hard to get where he is; a big role; a lot of pressure; one of the best i have worked with. he is 50 and does good work. like i said, he has a pretty high-responsibility job. wayyyy smarter than my former 57 yr old boss from the other months at this company. it's nice to see; i think i've shown him enough of the unsatisfied side of me; and i will not hint at it again..

i love your one task at a time. because just the last job i was doing had a load of smaller tasks. like i was telling you, it was better to compelte as much as possible of each task, rather than to do the minimum of each task and then move forward. by doing the max on each task, i did a lot better and was more successful overall.

oh thank gosh another person is being hired. i wish the boss would higher someone more adept than nice lady.

one thing about nice lady is important to you: do not take her actions of the choices of what she does personally. please. meaning, do not let it upset you either way. i'm not saying don't write about it or think about it; i'm saying stay positive. i'm just glad that potentially someone else will be working with you. i honestly think that person will have to be better, especially if they are in their later 20's / 30's because at that point i feel people have some life experience that can help. however, a younger person can be good who is just trying to work while maybe in school, idk....

in general, i think anotehr assistant will be good. i would hope that that person would be assigned to you - seriously.

Donkey on 06/10/2021:
You have some good points about the FitBit. If asked, I would say that my main purpose for having a FitBit is for the hourly reminders to move and to measure my sleep.

I could charge my FitBit overnight every other night. I would lose a night of sleep data, but that would be OK. Where the problem is that I'm waiting for the FitBit to charge, so I go on my phone and watch stupid videos. I lose track of time and before I know it, it's almost 10pm.

Donkey on 06/10/2021:
I struggled a lot with a positive attitude yesterday. Some of that was due to fatigue. It can be hard work to remain positive! (lol)

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Donkey - Tuesday Jun 08, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Good morning!  I touched on this a little bit in comments, but I feel that yesterday's "positive attitude" was overall a success.  It was not easy.  There were a lot of things that happened that were utterly discouraging:  clinic people parking in law firm parking spots, asked to take Monday off so that I could drive downstate with Husband to Grandma's memorial service -- found out I too have to ask Queen Bee if she can cover for me!,  Boss decided to spend an entire morning working on a closed file rather than my current files (which are time-sensitive) only because the closed file affects his despicable son-in-law, Boss forgot about going to a closing and instead opted to take Associate Attorney out for a long lunch....  I mean, WTF.  All but the last one, I tried hard to end with a happy or positive thought, sentence, or sentiment.

So I'm going to try again!  I think I have the energy and motivation to make this a Good Day.  I realize that not every day can be stellar, and on those days, rather than being a dark cloud, I will focus more on taking care of myself.  But today, I'm going to give it another go at being Positive.  Inspired by Bear, I'm not going to carry around the burden and weight of a negative attitude.  A positive attitude is a lot lighter and brighter to hold.

I did well with my menus yesterday, even with the little glitch with breakfast.  I had very good "macro" ratios, getting a nice balance between fat, carbs, and protein.  

Yoga was great - focused on the core muscles and back, since that's what allows us to remain mobile the most.  A lot of people focus on building up arms and legs -- I know I do!  But what keeps us active, limber, and moving?  The core and (lower) back.  Anyway, it was a nice change.

Speaking of building up arms, I had a great weights this morning, too!  Did biceps, triceps, and shoulders (one exercise each, 3 sets of about 15 reps each).  If I have motivation and time, I'll do back and chest.  If I have no time or motivation, I will do a couple of more bicep exercises, since I didn't work those over the weekend.

It's going to be a great day for me today  - I can feel it!

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/08/2021:
I think you are going to make it a great day too!!!! Wonderful Attitude!!!

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
Thank you -- unfortunately, I was not able to apply this attitude to my home life last night. It just got to that tipping point.

horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2021:
wow what a disorganized boss!!!! forgetting so much wow wow.

i am sorry Q Bee needs to cover for you. lol. ugh. doubt she'd help.?

it's true, to change your outlook is a wonderful thing. some people certainly do act like the glass is always half full and others half empty...i also have to work to get that half full attitude that others just "do without trying."

yes i am sure back focus in yoga is very important and it's good you added focus on it.

at home, i do a back stretch occasionally, at least 1x a week and usually more days.

also, when i used to go to the gym, i did back exercises there.

nice job on your weights this AM. i look forward to doing mine, tomorrow PM. :)

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
That's just it: Queen Bee can't do my job. She can do a little of Mistakes Girl's job and help with phones. But she's not very reliable, usually coming in only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, coming in late and leaving early.

My Boss is not really interested in a work product that reflects excellence.

Jacky82020 on 06/08/2021:
Try not to worry about things beyond your control. Positive attitude or not.

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
Now THAT is very true. I will try to be more cognizant of that.

horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2021:
Jacky says it well, anything beyond control, i guess just shake your head and smile at the same time!?

i know it's tough bc i do what you do; many times.

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
Yep, that's right. Actually, I've been doing that more with Associate Attorney. It's up to him when he gets his stuff done. I'm done asking and asking and asking. And when agents or realtors ask and ask and ask me, I just let them know I'm waiting on the attorney (that they chose).

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