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Donkey - Saturday May 07, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 144.0

It will warm up later today, but still be a little chilly for our morning hike with the Veterans group.  Still, the sky is blue and the sun is out.  Very welcome after a week of gray & rain.

Grief Group was hard.  I'm not sure this is the right time for this group, but it's something that Husband and I can do together, so there IS some benefit to this.  I'm glad that there are other ladies there who are able to talk more, although the one is hard of hearing, so her comments aren't always in sync with what we're talking about.  And she's  loud.  In the middle of the group, her cell phone rang --- and she took the call!!!  Right there in the room!!!  The leader had to stop the meeting while Loud Lady was talking, and finally someone said, "Maybe you should take that out into the hall."  Yeah, ya think?!?!?  How can some people go through life not realizing how rude or offensive they are???

Still, afterwards, while I was washing dishes at the sink at home, I was thinking that I do like this lady, and I'm glad she's part of the group.

My weight is up.  I guess that's the end of granola as a night-time snack, even in measured quantities. 


  • Laundry (maybe, but if I don't get to it until tonight, that's OK) - in progress Sunday
  • Hiking with Husband and Vets - DONE
  • Gym - DONE
  • Watching the new Star Trek show at dinner w Husband - DONE
  • Move chairs from porch in front to deck in back -- getting ready to set up the table & umbrella for summer. - DONE
  • Trim cats' nails - DONE (last cat trimmed on Sunday)

Progress as of today: 42.5 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2022:
I left a comment on your previous entry. I'm glad you will be doing the bigger hike on your own. it's good you are doing something for your health and challenging for you.

maybe bc she is hard of heraing and doesn't know the rules of zoom call? or was this in person, church group grief session? some people just are a little out of it...after all she's at the grief group...so who knows. i'm glad you like her :)

even tho your weight is up, if you make room for the granola you can have it...although, it's a dense calorie food and that's particularly why i am not eager to buy it...i'd have the same issue.

hiking with the vets is AWESOME.

Donkey on 05/08/2022:
The thing with the Loud Lady -- this is an IN PERSON group, which makes it even more egregious, what she did. But I think she's just unaware at how her hearing loss is impacting her interactions with others. Answering the phone is just plain rude, but again, I think she's just totally unaware.

bearcountrygg on 05/07/2022:
If she is hard of hearing that would explain how loudly she talks.....and because she probably misses so much of what is said always...she probably doesn't even realize how it affects others.....D's hearing has gotten so bad that he is getting difficult to talk to sometimes.......(lets get real...all of the time)

Donkey on 05/08/2022:
I am finding this to be a helpful lesson: "Don't let this happen to you" sort of thing.

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
The phone thing… OMG!!!

Donkey - Friday May 06, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

I did not do as well with water intake yesteray, as I was able to get through only 2 of the water bottles, instead of 3.  So I know now that I really need to at least start that 3rd water bottle at work, if I am to meet daily water goals.

I did OK with eating, but did have a sizeable amount of granola for dessert.  I would estimate the amount to be around 350-400 calories.

I pushed myself to do lower body weights, even though my body batter was already in the 20's. 

Today's steps goal will be challenging. It is raining heavy outside today, for most of the day, so the lunchtime walk is questionnable.  I did step on the treadmill for a mile, because my steps were too low, but I won't have time to step on the treadmill tonight, if needed to meet step goal, because we're giving the church Grief Group another try tonight.

I cannot face Veterans Chair Yoga this month.  Yoga is hard enough --- hard to keep emotions in check.  But then to be faced with the instructor, who trained Son and she's a very sensitive soul... no, I can't do that right now.

Tomorrow (Saturday), we will join the larger Veterans Group for their annual hike.  We did this last year, and I modified my path to stay with Husband.  This year, I'm going up that really big hill.  He can try or wait at the base for me.  I'm doing it for ME this time. 

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/06/2022:
Knowing what suits you best is a positive approach and if you are wanting to climb that big hill than that is a great idea. It is time to do that for you!!!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2022:
i also do better, sometimes, with my water goals by having more at work. i sometimes leap into dinner, eager for food, and skip some water - at least this week, when home. so like you, water intake is well done at work usually.

with granola, the calories add up quickly, so, even tho it's 400 cal you estimate, it's for a food that is dense so it appears you stuck to a portion or so. :) this is good.

my "mental body battery" as i don't use one, felt low, but i also am glad i went on back yesterday night to move my legs :)

Have a nice time at the Veteran's hike!!! awesome! i'm glad the weather is good to get in some movement. today is very rainy, tomorrow nice by me! so, i'll move outdoors tomorrow as you are today :) xo

happy-1 on 05/08/2022:
Hugs. I know what it’s like to just bubble over with emotion after a loss. Be gentle with yourself.

Donkey - Thursday May 05, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

My Garmin tells me that I did not sleep well.  My body battery is already down to 42/100 and it's not even 8am yet.  However, I do not feel so encumbered other than a soreness in my right hip and down my right leg.  I need to do some stretching.

I am proud of myself for getting in a little weight training last night.  I really did not want to, but I also don't want to lose any of the progress I've made.  So I did back, triceps (by mistake because I thought it was biceps), biceps, and shoulders.  1 exercise, 3 sets of 15-20 reps depending.  I also rode my bike last night, to help with the hips and lower back, like I needed to do in the morning.  It felt SO good to be on that bike, just working out the kinks.

I wanted to share a couple of things that have REALLY made a difference in my weight/dieting journey recently:

  • Wearing workout clothes to bed the night before has made it MUCH easier to do exercise when I wake up, especially on those days when it's really hard to either wake up or get out of bed.  I usually don't do this.  I have pajamas and then I change into exercise clothes, and then I change into my work clothes.  Well, I cut out one of those steps that was making it much harder to get started than it had to be.  YES - thank you to those who suggested this.
  • Happy's idea of having water bottles at work, lined up, so that I knew just how much to drink worked -- WORKED WELL!!!  I lined up 3 bottles, thinking, Let's see how this goes, I might only be able to get through 2 of them.  I was able to do all 3 - that's 60 oz. of water during the work day.  That's not counting what I drink at home or in the car.  I was able to accomplish my water goal for the day, for the first time in weeks, yesterday.  THANK YOU HAPPY.

This concludes diet/healthy habits talk.  After the break is  more about work drama and then some talk about grieving.  I will have a break in between the 2, for readers who would rather not experience content that is sad and kind of unrelated to diet/weight.

Oh you should have been at my work yesterday.  New Gal was in fine form. 

First, she announces to me that she's coming on my (private) lunch walks, and if she doesn't want to, I'm supposed to force her to do so.  I was in a panic over this, because I much prefer private walks at lunch -- especially after the loss of my Son, where I use this time to decompress, sometimes cry, remember, etc.  Believe me, the VERY LAST thing I want is to have New Gal - of all people - tag along with me.

Second, she sends out a group email to all of the support staff (i.e. not attorneys) stating that she is NOT our personal assistant and does not appreciate having to file loose papers along with the closed/canceled files.  I haven't had a chance to talk to Male Co-Worker about this, to hear what his thoughts are.  But what NERVE.  Especially since I *KNOW* that it's mostly the Boss who puts those loose papers into the basket.  Yeah, go tell this to the BOSS, lady.  See what kind of reaction you get then.  What a piece of work.

But I think she's having some issues, because I heard New Guy (attorney) tell her to go through her files and highlight the due dates, so that "they" (meaning she) don't miss these really important date.  I happen to know that she recently missed an important due date and has risked our client's $10,000 earnest money deposit in the transaction.  Yep.

It was a very hard day yesterday, grieving. I was already sad enough on my own, and then Mistakes Girl comes up to me and lets me know that yesterday was her baby's birthday (from her previous pregnancy).  So she wasn't sure how long she was going to last through the day.  (She lasted through 4pm - not bad.)

Also, I had a call from my grief peer support person, which took about an hour.  It was very sad, but also very helpful, since she's about 3 years out after her son's suicide.  It was quite informative to hear of the walls she ran into with the Air Force with the resolution of the investigation into his death.  Plus, it was just an overall sad call, but she's there to help me through the grieving process.  I will reach out to her by text or email soon to let her know how grateful I am for her.

And I give props to Associate Attorney and Nice Lady, both who realized I was having a very difficult call and checked in with me later on to make sure I was OK.


Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/05/2022:
Post a photo of your sleep stat screen. It’s likely you aren’t getting enough deep sleep to start your REM cycles.

Donkey on 05/06/2022:
I will try, but my phone doesn't do screenshots very well.

And I forgot to check my body battery 1st thing again.

bearcountrygg on 05/05/2022:
So happy for you that the exercise clothes took one less action in the morning...and that the water bottles are helping.....New gal sounds like a real piece of work....( reminds me of a "past" daughter in law who....entered the family and set out to CHANGE how we were doing holidays..( always up to each individual couple on rather they wanted to participate or not...no pressure there)..BUT she was literally going to start organizing the changes...and it wasn't received well.....notice I said past...as in ex......that wasn't her only issue....but I will leave this right here. I am very glad that you have found a lady who will help you through your grieving process and that couple of your coworkers were there to check on you......That is true gold!!!

Donkey on 05/06/2022:
Yep, New Gal sounds very much like your former DIL. It's one thing to make changes on the files she is working on, but she made changes to the database, and made changes on files that other people work on, so when we go to pick up where she left off, we have no idea what's been done and what still needs to be done.

happy-1 on 05/05/2022:
Yay on the water!!!

happy-1 on 05/05/2022:
And hugs on the work drama. I think you can say “I also use my break to respond to personal calls while I walk, but walking together would be fun! let’s do walks Fridays!”

Maria7 on 05/05/2022:
Hopefully you can maintain your private and very needed lunch time walk so that you can continue to reflect and ponder and enjoy your quiet time. Some people are overbearing and take it for granted that others just love their company, which is not always the case.

bearcountrygg on 05/05/2022:
I agree with Maria.......you can stand up for yourself....apparently this new gal thinks she is the boss......how old is she anyway? Maybe her Mom told her she could be anything she wanted to be and so she decided that she would be the boss...Stand your ground...if you want to walk alone than tell her that is your quiet time to think and you need that for your own time...if she can be bold...so can you.

horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2022:
thank you for the exercise / habits tips that help you to reach for your goals!!! they are both good. thanks happy!

i also do not like newcomers who think they can tell other office staff what to do...our new lady we don't even know too much...and now she's out with covid! but since none of us spend too much time within 5' of her, none of us went for testing or anything. we decided to all keep working and not worry about her being in our trailer yesterday for the time being.

thank you for sharing your challenges with us. you are a strong person inside and out. i hear you <3

horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2022:
our new girl wasn't really new, just transfered from main office and off a job that ended. so we are more a resting place for her and to see if she works in our location..

horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2022:
wow! replacement guy only 20! what a baby. he sounds mature.

Donkey on 05/06/2022:
That was my thought too -- what a baby :-) He does sound mature, but I am always aware that perhaps his confidence is a cover for uncertainty. I

Donkey - Wednesday May 04, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

I've decided - unbeknownst to me - to "make it my own" today.  LOL, well that is to say that I've changed things up, but mostly out of necessity.  I had the hardest time getting out of bed today.  Too tired.  Despite being nice outside, I could not get myself to walk outside.  So I walked on the treadmill instead of riding my bike, and now my hips are very angry with me.  It seems as thought that morning bike ride is a MUST.

I could not get the motivation up to do weights last night.  I've run out of time to do them this morning, so hopefully this evening.  Back & biceps, if I can. 

I did not do as well as I had hoped with water yesterday, but taking Happy's advice, I am set up with 3 water bottles at work, to chug down today.  I don't know if I'll manage all 3, but if I can get down 2 of them, I'll be happy with that.  Once the weather gets warmer out, the water intake will become much easier.

I found out that the Replacement Guy is only 20 years old!  And he has ambitions to get his Bachelors degree starting in August, with law school to follow after that.  I do not think he will be with us for the long-haul, but then again, who knows what will happen...  

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/04/2022:
I too find myself stiffer when I slack off for a few days on the bike. Strange but true!

bearcountrygg on 05/04/2022:
Nothing wrong with freestyling!!!!

Maria7 on 05/04/2022:
Well, even if replacement leaves after a while, at least will be a big help for the window of time before leaving..and may even come back or stay.

Donkey on 05/05/2022:
VERY TRUE -- I reminded myself of this yesterday. When Mistakes Girl leaves, we will all be very short handed.

happy-1 on 05/04/2022:
What does your body battery say?

Donkey on 05/05/2022:
Yesterday morning, I think I was in the mid 70's, but it may have been upper 60's. I am not in the habit of checking my body battery first thing in the morning. It might be interesting to monitor the BB first thing, though. I mean to say, I could learn a lot. Let me think of ways to incorporate this as a daily habit, even if it's only for a short-term basis. It might help me through this really tough time.

Donkey - Tuesday May 03, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

I thought of you all last night, during yoga, and I will tell you why...  We're about 1/3 through the class, and I am settling into a pose, when my instructor tells me -- and I'm not making this up -- "Make it your own."  Are you kidding me??? "Make it my own" -- you mean like that yoga class I took at the gym a couple of weeks ago that completely overwhelmed me?  I was quite startled by this comment, like being in a dark room, with the light suddenly turned on.  I truly believe that the universe is trying to tell me something.  I truly believe that God speaks to us, but we're not always listening.  Obviously, I needed to hear this "make it your own" twice.

It was a good time to re-start yoga though.  My teacher is aware of my loss, so she did warn me that doing this type of yoga can bring up emotions - yes, true - so it's OK to cry.  I teared up a lot, but I was not at the point of sobbing. It surprised me though how tight some of my muscles had become, especially in my upper back.  We did a pose that I've done many, many times easily.  Oh my word, I thought I was going to be frozen in that pose (each side we tried), because the muscles were so tight it was hard to come out of the pose.  WOW.  The physical manifestations of grief are REAL.

OK, so now on to the good part with Replacement Guy.  When I got to the office at 9am, yes, he was already there, working!, but so was Mistakes Girl.  I'm sure she came in early with the expectation that he'd be early too, and she would need to be ready to start training right away.  They were pretty much busy working the whole day, so I did not disturbe them too much.  He opened up a file for me yesterday, so I will review his work today and give a gentle feedback.

As I was walking out of the office with Male Co-Worker, at the end of the day, I mentioned that at lease Replacement Guy lasted twice as long as the other lady did (the one who left at noon on hre first day and never came back).  MCW tells me that Replacement Guy was very nervous in the morning, and I'm not sure when this happened, but I guess he had a bad moment in the bathroom.  Whatever it was, I couldn't tell, and he seemed way confident each time I spoke with him briefly.  I recall my early days quite vividly, and I know that it takes about 3 weeks to start to feel comfortable.  I wonder how old he is... He might be my Son's age, maybe a little older.

I woke up inspired to walk outside around my neighborhood loop before I went downstairs to ride my bike.  I really enjoyed that - it was different - and I think I might keep doing that as long as the weather is cooperative. It was raining a bit this morning, but not (too) cold, and I was quite called to be outside.  I hope to do some weights tonight. 

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 05/03/2022:
Sounds like these yoga folks are on the same page. I see that in other areas as well. They probably see the same newsletters, blogs etc.

Remember that article I showed you re people getting emotional and crying during the yoga classes? I learn all kinds of interesting things from my newspapers.

Like yesterday about the promising new diet drug coming out. Costs $1500 a month and most insurances won’t cover diet drugs. Spectacular results in a 72 week study. Said to be a lifetime thing for most users, taking this drug.

Hope the new employee and everything else works out in your office.

Thanks for reminding me to put the old bike up on Craigslist & give it away.

Donkey on 05/04/2022:
Good-bye old bike - you will make someone else happy :-)

bearcountrygg on 05/03/2022:
Well isn't that interesting.........One thing is for sure... part of the class the teacher gets a nice break while everyone is "making it their own"....but while I'm sure that means different things to different people.......it sounds like maybe it helped you? Maybe making it your own is the NEW freestyle?

Hopefully the new guy settles down...sounds like he will and really wants to do well and it's overwhelming him in the moment......at least he wants to do well.....and that is a good thing. We just got your rain here about an hour ago.

Donkey on 05/04/2022:
Yes, Replacement Guy is doing pretty good... at least he keeps showing up. It doesn't sound to me like he'll be with us for the long haul, as he has ambitions to go to law school soon.

happy-1 on 05/03/2022:
Making it your own for a few minutes is supposed to let you focus on any tight areas with adjustments without annoying the rest of the class. Some people get annoyed if you need to rest during a set of movements, because they are jerks.

Donkey on 05/04/2022:
Ohhhh OK I guess that makes sense. I just find it overwhelming to not have guided movement. I don't retain the sequences very well (or not at all).

happy-1 on 05/03/2022:
And I love all the pereverance energy in this log!

Donkey on 05/04/2022:

horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2022:
i TOTALLY remember also having trouble coming out of some hard poses or hard positions for me when i used to take yoga moons ago. (around 15yrs ago, mid 20's)

that is such a nice change to walk outside in the AM. good use of putting some morning minutes aside for exercise so that you've gotten in some steps before the day really "starts."

i'm glad the new guy is doing ok....keep up updated,it's nice to hear about.

our new lady was in, but i didn't talk to her much. i was told to "be nice and work with her," but i am not really sure i can "work with her," if i'm supposed to "do my work," and not train her. she's been at the company...so....it's not up to me to get up and "work with her."...i just feel it'd have to come from someone else as a directive.

the other women that i work with spoke a little more to her, but, i just don't want any problems or new girl thinking i'm an easy pushover.. lately i just stick to myself.

Donkey on 05/04/2022:
I'm kind of that way with the Replacement Guy. I don't have anything to do with his training, but I say good morning and small chit-chat like that. I also tried to give him a pep talk to let him know that it takes about 3 weeks to really start to feel comfortable. I have found this to be true, not only in myself.

horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2022:
i'd say it's good you are back into the movement flow of yoga. the longer you put it off, the harder to come back to it...or stay fit, imo.

Donkey on 05/04/2022:
That's kind of how I see it too...

Donkey - Monday May 02, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Another day, another week, another month...  It is being forecasted that next week, warmer weather will be upon us.  Gosh, I sure hope so.  Yesterday was too windy - and thus, too cold - to go walking outside, even on my own.  So I walked on my treadmill, instead, and I'm glad I was able to do that.  I also did some weights after dinner, after the movie, instead of riding the bike.  That was very good too.  I did a mix of upper and lower, and used heavier weights.

Had pizza and a movie last night with Daughter.  The movie was kind of odd ("Red Notice"), but enjoyable in a satirical way.  Husband has mentioned that he'd be up for this during the week, but during the week, it's not as optimal, because I usually want to talk a little bit about my day at work and all the absurbities that go along with that.  And Husband usually updates me on the news for the day.  Plus, I need that time on the bike afterwards to work out my back.  Or like tonight, I have yoga, or we'll have a grief group, or something.  Having it on the weekend makes it more of a treat, and fills up the emptiness.

I am looking forward to meeting the Replacement Guy today.  It will be interesting to see how he changes the office dynamic.  I was joking to myself that if he showed up at 4:30pm for a 5pm interview, he's probably already at the office today (7:45am) ready to get started, LOL... 


  • I am apprehensive about yoga tonight.  I'm sure it won't be a repeat of what happened at the gym with the "make it your own" parts.   I know it will be a good stretch, no matter what area we focus on.  It's just difficult to be alone with my own thoughts. 
  • I will focus on drinking enough water.  I have really struggled with this.  I can easily go through a day drinking only coffee.  
  • I will focus on getting enough steps during the day, since there is yoga tonight, and then I usually start getting ready for bed.
  • I am not looking forward to a boisterous Boss or Associate Attorney, but I will try to do my own work quietly and let them get on with what they all want to do.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/02/2022:
Was he already there? Enquiring minds want to know!

Maybe fill a bunch of bottles with your water for the day, make it your job to fill them all?

Donkey on 05/03/2022:
THAT is a REALLY good idea about lining up the water bottles. I can do this at work, where it's harder for me to drink more, but easier for me to line up the water bottles. (I have the perfect space for that.) I am going to start this TODAY.

I will write more about Replacement Guy today :-)

bearcountrygg on 05/02/2022:
Sounds like the office will still be interesting........I'm with Happy....how did the new guy do? Hope yoga goes the way you would like it to tonight.....

Donkey on 05/03/2022:
I will write more about BOTH in today's (Tuesday's) entry, but I think it was a good time to restart yoga - to at least finish up the class-ticket thing I have. I have like 9 classes left.

horn_of_plenty on 05/02/2022:
i left comments on your previous entry below :)

oh!! i wanted to tell you that the IBEW (international brotherhood of electrical workers) convention for all the local unions in the US and Canada is being held in CHICAGO this year!!!! my dad and (and his wife will join for the trip but not the conference) are both going. it starts i believe this weekend thru next week! yes, Mother's day weekend, very strange for a conference! poorly planned i guess...but so many holidays were right before it, so, idk! it seems they may get good weather based on your forecast. i believe they are flying there, not driving. soon after, they will drive down to FLorida! crazy parents!

really, really nice job to you on being able to do weights and biking and get a lot of fitness in. that's awesome. i'm going to make more of a concentrated effort to keep increasing my cardio now until next February when i go on my trip...need to be more cardio ready.!! as much as i can.

haven't heard of that movie. like you, i like movies and other longer episodes / things needing my attention on the weekend. it's easier for us working folks!

being alone with your thoughts, perhaps think of what you are thankful for or what you look forward to or what you have accomplished...or try to maybe make your thoughts only to focus on the pose and your breathing? i understand what you are saying, completely!

great goals :)

and did he come early!?

Donkey on 05/03/2022:
They are coming to Chicago at the right time, just when the weather will start to warm up nicely in the low 70's. That's after the brutal cold and right before the blazin' hot.

I think I spend too much of my waking hours focused on exercise and thinking about food.

Donkey - Sunday May 01, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Good morning.... It was difficult to get up this morning.  I did not make it to the gym early, as usual on Sunday; I did not want to go.  I have not made up my mind yet if I will go.

It is gray and moderate outside, not windy.  I personally feel that it's a great day to walk outside, but it's not particularly beautiful.  I hope that Husband still wants to walk, but it's OK if he doesn't.

I did alright with eating last night.  The peppermint hot chocolate seemed to do the trick, but I bet it was the extra slices of bacon with pineapple that actually satiated me.  You see, as I suspected but could not see, the Boy Cat got into the bacon we had as part of dinner, so I was eating the evidence so as not to upset Husband.  

After we finished the dinner-and-a-movie ("Knives Out"), I went downstairs and rode my bike for a while.  So I guess you could say it was a successful day on the face of it.

I meant to mention for a few days that I've decided to change up my breakfast a little bit.  As you know, I have the same thing for breakfast everyday, until I make a change, and then I stick with that for a while.  I truly believe that how I start the eating day is important as it sets me up for the rest of the day.  I've been having oatmeal (3/4 cup) with vanilla protein powder.  I've decided to change to a generous TBSP of natural peanut butter in the oatmeal instead.  I'm not sure if the protein powder was causing me problems with my parathyroid, but I'm kind of done with that for a long while.  I haven't ruled out the Equate (Walmart) protein shakes, but the protein powder had some supplements in it that I was not aware of. I think I can do without those.  And I have a lot of peanut butter already to use up, so that's where I'm going with that.  So far, so good.

It is the beginning of a new month.  I guess I had better get started with my day...

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/01/2022:
Yes! Hide the evidence!

bearcountrygg on 05/02/2022:
The protein shakes may very well have been more hindrance than help.......A family member ended up in the hospital after taking a lot of supplements and caused what was diagnosed with a form of lupus caused by them...luckily....when the supplements were stopped.......lupus went away.

Donkey on 05/02/2022:
That's highly encouraging to hear.

horn_of_plenty on 05/02/2022:
i will read your monday entry to see if you made it to the gym on Sunday!?

it's ok. sometimes rest is what the dr ordered. also, you have your walking/bike and weights at home :) i do know when i went to the gym, i worked out HARDER there than i do at home.

oh, it sounds you went and rode your bike after dinner - awesome.

i agree that how you start your day can either set you up to not do as well or do better....today was bagel (half) and cream cheese...and thankful so thankful i knew to only take half. otherwise, i'd have a big sugar high from all the carbs, be hungry soon after, and dip into too many calories too early in the day...

as it was, i was a pretty big sugar drop soon after the bagel/cream cheese,coffee. luckily i could fix it with proper snacking :)

Donkey - Saturday Apr 30, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

Good morning....   Well, the scale is headed in the right direction, in spite of chocolate glazed donuts and cherry filled streudel (which again, I could not resist yesterday afternoon).  I am focused (as much as I can be, that is) and intent on getting back into the 130's.  Yes, I can do this.

I'm kind of all over the place this morning, so please bear with me.  

The Boss went home at 3pm yesterday, so I was able to complete EVERYTHING, including monthly stats.  By the end of the day, it was myself, Mistakes Girl, and Associate Attorney.  Everyone else had left.  It was so kind of Mistakes Girl to check in with me, to see how I was doing and if there had been any updates on Son's investigation.  There was nothing new - nothing ended up happening at all - but I did mention to her about Church Grief Group.

We went to Church Grief Group, together.  I think Husband really wanted to go.  I was glad that I went, but I do not think I am really ready to do the homework or participate fully.  It's hard to tell, though, because Fridays are usually a decompression from keeping everything bottled up during the workweek.  I've written here before how weekends are hard anyways, because I miss our weekly calls.  BUT I hadn't realized how much energy I'm spending in "performing" during the week at work.  Especially for the Boss, who doesn't like anything negative in the office whatsoever.  Perhaps that's why both of our early departures this week were such a relief to me.

So anyway, I'm sitting at this group and just deflating like a pierced tire.  That's not such a bad thing, actually; I'm glad to be able to return to my authentic self.  And I truly appreciated being with other people, hearing their stories.  The scripture really hit home (see John 20:17 "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended...") and the prayers were nice.  

I think we need to do this first, rather than Veterans Chair Yoga, but I'll let Husband make the call on that. I'm OK with either one.

I will be resuming Zoom Yoga at home on Monday.  Mixed feelings....

I have not yet thought about how to cope with this Mother's Day, other than to recognize that it will be difficult.

Speaking of which, my Daughter has been promoted yet again.  She is now an department head.  The position above hers is Assistant Manager, so there you go.  I'm glad she did not bring a cake home, although we joked about it.  I'm very proud and happy for her... but at the same time, wistful that I wish Son would have had 1/10th of the ability she has to really connect with people in a positive way, to help him through life.  He always struggled with connecting with his peers, being kind of quirky - a square peg in just about every situation he was in. I know it was hard for him to watch his sister have that kind of personality & shine, while he struggled so much.  

Anyway, I am very happy for my Daughter, and this should probably be the first step in her becoming truly independent of her parents... soon.

AFTERNOON EDIT:  Went to the gym to do the elliptical.  It was busier than I thought it would be, but towards the end of my workout, it was getting emptier.  I did not do weights, just the ellptical.

Trying hard to resist sugar cravings.  Now that I've written that, I know I can do it.  I'm especially glad that there isn't any cake around right now.  I have a delightful cup of peppermint hot chocolate waiting for me after dinner.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/30/2022:
Hugs. As a square peg myself… Square pegs do eventually find their tribe. And congrats to your daughter!!!

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
Thank you :-)

bearcountrygg on 04/30/2022:
Once you get used to the group you may find comfort there....those people are at different stages of grief and it may be of help to you to be able to anticipate that. I'm so happy for your daughter with her new promotion...How exciting for her. There are truly many .....many people out there in the world that are square pegs.....I remember that your son liked to write......writing is one of the easiest jobs or pass times enjoyed by people that are a bit unsure of them selves...as well as drawing.......Them with their thoughts....brings comfort.......No need to interact with people that they don't understand.......Your sweet boy will be there in spirit with you on Mothers day....((HUGS))

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
Yes, I think my Son preferred his internal world to the exterior world. We really did think that he was excelling in the military, that he had found something that worked for him. I still think so.

Yes, he will be with me, always.

horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2022:
good idea to go to one church grief group to see if it is worth it for you and hubby to go again. i'm glad he's going with you.

eating can be going well if you have one donut or one coffee cake slice. ... or a small slice - you can fit it into your plan. it's still way better than a binge.

(re thursday's entry)

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
Yesterday (Friday), I wanted to take the whole cake and just eat the upper crust (with the icing and almonds) and cherry filling. Of course, I did not do this.

horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2022:
re Friday:

I'm glad you have caught up with your work for awhile. You will take off when you want/need to and i'm sure you'll be able to catch up again. try not to stress the "catching up," as i do think it all works out!

i'm glad you got your weight training in, too. my legs don't see huge changes, but i KNOW there's been a difference since i started doing them 3x a week, maybe it's been at least 6-12 months with a more intent a leg focus.

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
I can tell that my legs are stronger, but they are not lean. I am not lean. My Ironman scale tells me that I'm around 30% body fat. I've been very consistent with that, as long as my weight is in the 130-140s.

Of course, I don't take that reading too seriously, from this scale.

horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2022:
re today, you gotta incorporate the treats, so having the scale still move in the right direction means you are doing it right!

it's good to hear the church group was meaningful. i do agree that friday is more a time to disengage and relax; that's why i considered the movement activity possibly more useful to you.

I am also very quirky and DO have troubles and conflict with MYSELF in social situations. i can get very uncomfortable in large group situations, even at work yes, when forced to just chat with people when i don't feel any real sense of connection; i'd rather sit by myself at my computer and work / fake work (do a task for myself/go on DD - during work; i am def into myself.....so i understand what you are saying about your son very much...lucky for me, i feel i have decent looks, but my personality sometimes gets swept under the rug in the midst of uncomfortable situations.

i'm really happy for your daughter! maybe in the future she can go to school part time for an associates or something in business just for the educational experience? but either way; not everyone needs school to progress in life - lots of people paying for degrees they'll never use. so it seems your daughter is really progressing excellently!

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
We'll see how many come back to Grief Group. It was not just old widows, either. Some had lost parents, and there was a family of 4 who had lost their 21 yr old son/brother in a car accident. Some had been grieving for a while, some not so much.

We are hoping that somehow there's more education in Daughter's future, too.

horn_of_plenty on 04/30/2022:
some businesses, if they really like you and you must have a certifiate/degree to be promoted, will send you to school as well. i know it's not a big deal right now, if she's doing well now! congrats to her on making assistant manager!

happy-1 on 04/30/2022:
Also, super impressed by your daughter doing so well. When she is ready for a dehree she will rock it!

Donkey - Friday Apr 29, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Thank goodness someone threw out the day-old donuts at the end of the day yesterday.  I wish someone would do the same thing with the cherry coffee cake.  I'm pitching it if it's still there at 4pm.  The grapes have to get tossed, too.  They are getting too soft.

Once again, I struggled with food, mostly after dinner, wanting something sweet.  Also, I had to use my treadmill after dinner, because I wasn't going to meet my step goal otherwise.  This is a *danger zone* activity.  I know that there is a correlation between walking on the treadmill after work, after dinner, and sugar cravings (that get satisfied).  The problem is that if I have trouble getting up early, then I do not have time to walk before work.  And I have been too busy at work lately, to get steps or activity in between tasks.

HOWEVER, I am very pleased to announce that I am all caught up on my work, from all my time off and such.  Yes, the Boss went home at 3pm yesterday, so I was able to get to that pile of files on my table.  If I don't ever take any more time off, I will be able to maintain being "caught up" for a while.  The problem is, Who the heck wants to never take time off again....  And if the Boss decides that it's time to babysit him again, by sitting around talking about nothing for hours on end, then I will fall behind again.

I did manage to get in a GREAT upper body weight training session last night.  I'm not sure where I found the motivation - maybe it was all that sugar after the treadmill, LOL.  I definitely feel & see progress in my upper body.  I do not really see ANYTHING happening in my legs.  At all.

I realized it's a good thing that I'm not diabetic or gluten-intolerant, because I'm afraid that having these restrictions would not stop me from eating foods that don't agree with me.  I know that eating a lot (not a binge, just a substantial snack or too much dinner) will keep my thermostat on fire for the rest of the night, making sleep very unpleasant.  So why, why, WHY do I keep doing this to myself?  Especially as I get older, and hormones are very changing, to add this problem to my metabolism isn't helping myself any.   

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/29/2022:
Hugs. Congratulations on being all caught up! That must feel amazing! Sometimes we need to burn off energy at night. Just don’t beat yourself up for being tired the next day.

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
It was an amazing feeling --- and then yesterday, being the end of the month, I even had time to do monthly stats, which means I'm *REALLY* caught up. Yay me!!! (lol)

bearcountrygg on 04/29/2022:
Getting caught up is a good feeling......And food gives comfort as well as frustration.......Hormones are a tough thing to deal with even when everything else is okay.....I also will be responding to your post of yesterday.

Donkey on 04/30/2022:
I have a strong feeling that I'm starting to feel mild hot flashes.

Donkey - Thursday Apr 28, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Glad I came home after my eye doctor's appointment.  They dilated only the left eye, where I was experiencing the flashes, so even though I could see pretty much OK, my eyes felt out of balance, like there was gloop in my left eye, affecting my vision.  And it's hard to tell how looking at a computer screen would have felt like. I came home and walked on my treadmill and then just kind of did nothing of value.

I signed Husband and myself up for the Grief Group at the church.  Husband sounded like he was interested, but would not take the initiative and say, "Yes, I want to go."  It was always, "I'll go with you if you want" or "I'll go if you go."  Well,  I'm STILL not sure if I have the motivation to go, but I figured at least sign up.  If I don't, then we've missed the opportunity.  And as Husband wisely said, "If we go to the first group and it's not for us, we don't have to go back."  We'll figure out the Chair Yoga classes that overlap when we get to it.

I realize that the past 2 days or so, I've said that "eating went well" not remembering that Tuesday I had a chocolate glazed donut (250 calories) and yesterday, I had a slice of cherry streudel coffee cake (ate only the cherry filling and upper crust).  Both of these at work.... So actually, eating has not gone all that well, has it....

I've been on edge all week, really struggling with sadness & fatigue, and then yesterday, we received a message that the last officer in Montana that we were dealing with is finishing up his assignment.  There was supposed to be a meeting about the investigation yesterday, and if there was anything to say, he'd reach out to Husband.  We didn't hear anything last night, so maybe today.  I'm getting something in the mail today too...  This may be coming to an end, but who knows.... And it's not really The End end, but just the end of a chapter, to begin a longer, lonelier chapter...

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 04/29/2022:
Did you drive with your eye dilated??? That must have been hard to do. I'm glad you both are going to the grief group at your church............When all of the service things are settled then I think you will be able to grieve in your own way....so far....they have kept you busy.......and it was hard to tell when their end of things would be finalized.......((HUGS))

happy-1 on 04/30/2022:
“Nothing of value” is actually downtime and rest. Necessary to avoid burnout. Hugs. I wish I could be there to help.

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