Friends of DD, you have always been with me, throughout the year last year, through good times and bad, thick and thin.
So I'm posting today to let you know that my test for my CDL is tomorrow. I do not expect to pass. I am nervous. I never do well for driving tests.
I am still sick. I skipped the gym today because I was dizzy and congested when I woke up. Tomorrow, I will wake up not so early and give myself time to do whatever I have to do so that I feel better by the time my test starts (i.e. take medicine and give it time to kick in, hot shower, menthol rub, etc.). I do not plan on going to the gym tomorrow either.
I have been eating chocolate like it is a food group. I must say, it has helped calm my nerves, even if it's not very nutritious.
So I just have to get through tomorrow morning. I know that regardless of whatever happens, I will still have friends here.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
Well.... Just trying to survive the weekend, I think.
1. I am still sick. Had zero energy today.
2. Visited Husband's Grandpa in the hospital today. They are making arrangements for hospice care today, as well. Will know more tomorrow, but he should be coming home very soon. At least he will end his life in the comfort of a home and not in a hospital.
3. Vet took an x-ray of my dear kitty to find out that she has a tumor on her intestines (cancer). (FYI --- it was cheaper to get an x-ray than it would be to get another blood test.) We are seeking no further treatment for her, and plan to make her final days as comfortable as possible.
I have nothing else to say right now.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
I hope everything gets better with you dad. I'm sorry to hear about your cat.
Well, at least the weigh-in went well :-) Lost a pound in spite of having ice cream last night. So I am still maintaining, during this stressful job training period, so that is a job well done.
I realized that part of my problem with the driving test is that i am in such a hurry to get it done and over with that I don't execute the skills as well as if I just **RELAXED** and **TOOK MY TIME**. When will Donkey learn that she cannot control everything in life? I rush through things in an attempt to gain control, and it only sets me back further.
So even if I fail my test, it is a good test of my character (not sure if that's the right word). Maybe it would be better to say, it would be a good test FOR my character. To challenge myself to put things into the proper perspective, not stress out so much.
Today I have a 3 mile run planned. I still have a cold; I wish it were gone.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
Trying to control things is huge with me as well. And I agree...it is a challenge not to stress!
Have a great day and enjoy your run!
Hope you had a good run!
Tomorrow is weigh-in day. That is the only reason why I am writing now. Job training is not going as well as expected. The test will be very difficult.
To top off all this stress and anxiety --- I went from having AF/TOM to having an awful sinus infection. I hope today is the worst of it. There is nothing positive I can say about being sick. Well, I suppose there is, because the cold medicine takes away my appetite, LOL.
EVENING EDIT: I just wanted to clarify or apologize for sounding like such a whiny ass - er, whiny donkey - earlier today (see above). It's not that I expected anyone to hand me a job. You see, I need a CDL for this job, so this entails another behind-the-wheel driving course, only with a big ol' school bus instead of a car. I vowed when I got my driver's license for my car that I would do whatever in my power to NEVER EVER have to take behind-the-wheel again.
So what do I do? I sign up for a job that involves driving. Well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Or maybe I will pass the test. It is just darn frustrating to do well on the skills and then to blow it at the very end with just one thing (hitting the curb with my rear tire -- big deal, I see truckers do this all the time and they have jobs).
Well, what is life without the challenge? As I came to realize earlier today, even though it ain't fun to fail, there IS life after failure.
It would be a huge disappointment though. I would feel like I let people down, most of all my Husband and myself. :-( Well, Monday is a holiday (MLK day) and Tuesday is review and Wednesday is my test. I have the weekend to study.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
My anxiety level this morning is through the roof. It is almost making me sick to my stomach. I feel like I could easily eat my whole pantry. I will write more later when I have something more productive to say.
I just had to get that off my chest. I'm hoping the more times I say it, the less it will feel worse. That is, it will start to feel less and less bad. It's an awful feeling....
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
We all need to have a little "me time" to help us collect our thoughts and decompress.
I know the feeling of the anxiety...I've been struggling with it lately here as well. I've had to call in all the resources, breathing deeply, calling family, meditation yadda yadda. Anxiety is hell, but at least we know how to deal with it most of the time.
Take care of yourself. Sending prayers that the bad feelings go away quickly and that you have a better day.
~smile!~ Attitude is half the battle.
Hope you are doing a little better!
Last Week's Weigh In: 131.5 This Week's Weigh In: 129.5
I'm rather rushed for time this morning, but I couldn't wait to report my weigh in. I was pleasantly surprised. I had a bad eating episode on Sunday, getting ready for the next day's new job adventure. So you never know how many pounds you'll retain from binges.
And the past 2 days I've been eating at the high range of my calories. (1960 calories) And AF is due. And I"m feeling rather bloated.
But it was all good in the end.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
It seems it's been a few days since I've updated. Now that my mornings are occupied with training and not computer online time or at the gym, I have a lot less computer time.
The job training is going well. I knew it wouldn't be so bad, but I just dreaded the First Day. Of course, I'm new, I don't know what's going on. But I am doing as well for a newbie. At least they have to give me credit for trying hard and making the effort!
All this week, I have been going to the gym, directly from work. Some days it's for running (since I"m doing a 10k training program) but other days it's just for a little more cardio (walking) and weight training. Today is a running day but I think AF is coming or here, so I dunno... All my stuff is already at the gym though, from my early morning workout.
I still get up very early in the morning to go workout at the gym before the day starts.
So hopefully I will take advantage of today and go running. It's only 2 miles. But as I said I am tired. Very tired.
Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm really looking forward to it!!! I feel the NEED to KNOW what I weigh, now that I've been holding steady for 4-5 days.
EDIT: Went for a run. Boy, was I dragging, so it was not one of my better running episodes, but fortunately, it was only 2 miles so I could do it quickly and get it over with. I'm afraid to see what's in store, running-wise, next week. ;-)
Total Running Miles for 2008: 12.0
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
Good luck on the weigh in tomorrow!!!!!
I wish you pleasant surprises!
Where oh where to start?
I started training for my new job today. I think it will go well, but I'm not ready to start talking about details in depth yet. At least not today.
Unfortunately, I did binge last night, getting anxious about today. I just wanted to get The First Day out of the way. Know what I mean? Of course, why I thought EATING would resolve that, I don't know. Argh, will I EVER learn???!!!
I would guess I had about 2500-2700 calories. Needless to say, I had PLENTY of energy today. So all was not lost. I did very well at the gym early this morning on the elliptical. Came home and got the kids off to school -- and gave the damn cat her medicine -- then went to training, which was until lunchtime.
I had planned ahead of time to go to the gym after training, so that I would not come home and fall apart and eat. I don't think I would have but the possibility exists. I don't know if I will plan to go to the gym after training tomorrow as well. Hmm... maybe I should. I probably should.
The gym in the morning this week has been absolutely NUTS. Crowded out the gills. It's really sad when you get there at 5:15a (the gym opens at 5a) and it's already packed. So I can see that i am really going to have to try hard to get there even earlier. Which I would have but I always check my email while I drink a cup of coffee before I leave. I drink a full cup of coffee and then leave. But if I wasn't doing the email, then I'd probably drink a half of cup and then leave. Ugh, old habits are hard to break.
I cannot WAIT until the New Years' Newbies Rush is over. Apologies to any Gym Newbies here reading this.
Today should definitely be a better eating day. Friday Weigh In will probably be a disaster though :-(
Total running miles in 2008: 10.0
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
be positive about the Friday weigh-in. It's all in the attitude. If you set yourslef up for failure, you will fail... but if you're positive, you're going to be less likely to slip!!!
I also binged tonight a little bit bc i'm so nervous lately....course sign up today and test tomorrow...thanks for asking how it went. it did go well, i'll probably update my journal on that later this evening!
I'm glad your job is going well too, Donkey! :)
EVENING EDIT: I survived the party. I came away with a clear picture of what is wrong with Grandpa. It is a sad, last leg of a long life's journey. Still, it was good to see the family together. I did very well with my calories. They are big casserole people, which I detest. I hate casseroles. So I did not eat much at the party, and then came home and had a little supplemental. I managed to come in at around 1500 (a little more, I think) with my daily calories and did well on water while I was there. Water and gum chewing really saved the day.
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Had a great workout at the gym this morning. i'm so glad we went to Mass last night and got it out of the way so that I could go 100% today. I am so stressed out about Life right now. The treatment with my cat is difficult. I have this party at my Inlaws' house today and with Grandpa being sick with cancer in the hospital... The kids go back to school on Monday; I start job training on Tuesday --- oh Calgon, take me AWAY!!!
Anyway, did 65 min on the elliptical (over 7 miles!), then I did upper body weights on the machines and then I ran 2 miles on the treadmill, which marks the beginning of my 10k training program.
Total Running Miles: 7.0
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
At least you can take comfort in the fact that you haven't used these hard times as an excuse to give up on your goals. So you're training for a 10K? When?! I can't believe I missed that! You must tell me more about it!
Time for another Donkey Update:
1. We are going to try to save my Stinky. The vet seemed to think that she was not beyond impossible, so we will try. As long as she is able to endure the treatment and it's somewhat affordable, we will do what we can. This means I give her 2 medicines 2x a day PLUS an IV (which requires a needle in the skin) 2x a day. I hate needles. That is a good impetus for me never ever to get diabetes. I could not stand giving myself insulin shots.
2. Husband took today off to go to the hospital and meet up with family and visit Grandpa. He has yet to leave.
3. I thought yesterday was Friday, so I weighed in, which I realized last night it was only Thursday. So I could have waited another day and maybe had a better weigh-in if I had weighed in this morning.
Last night, I was so tired from the stress and from crying the night before (really screws up my contact lenses), that I just ate and ate and ate. On the plus side, I had lots of energy for a workout today. Did the elliptical and ran and some weight training.
When I eat more, I can do more.
RUNNING MILES TOTAL: 5.0 miles
Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!
What a great workout you had, good for you!!
Congrats on the exercise!
I hope your cat is doing better. :)
Do all you can for your cat, but beware. I've had one firsthand experience with putting a pet to sleep, and will have at least another eventually. It wasn't easy and I'm sure it's even more difficult with children around--I certainly feel for you. I also saw a friend go into major CC debt to postpone the inevitable for a few months. She was beside herself for the entire time of treating a cat for diabetes--personally I don't know how she did it, work and live--all at the same time.
Not saying this is your situation, just wanted to sort of commiserate in some way. It's hard no matter what.
I hope things work out with the cat. I'm with you - I hope I never have to face diabetes as there is no way that I could inject myself. They have to give me gas at the dentist in order to get me relaxed enough to give me novacaine. I just can't do needles!
Hope you get a little bit of sunshine tomorrow - it always helps lift my spirits a little bit!
Your explanation made me think of a cat we had when I was in HS. At about 2 yrs she was diagnosed (and I use that term loosely after she lived another 12 or so years) with leukemia. The vet gave her a death sentence and a vitamin injection. Oh and we were told to feed her only dry cat food. She never showed signs of illness again. She became arthritic later on.
She was a rather small, typical "scaredy cat" and, after her miraculous recovery, became this loving as all-get-out to us, bully to cats twice her size. She'd get into these fights, though she never seemed to pick them--haha--and never get a scratch. So I'm hoping yours has a great recovery. With cats it seems anything is possible. (To this day--I don't know what it was with that cat, but it was kinda weird;-)
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I used to work for a trucking company and based on what I remember, you should be okay (unless you are like me and cannot back up...) Just remember to BREATHE! I'm trying to remember - is it just written or is there a driving section as well? If it's written only you should really be okay. Is there a DMV/Secretary of State (whatever it is there) branch that is easier than others? (I know it's not supposed to happen, but we had drivers that would drive an hour to renew their hazmat because that particular branch was so much more lenient.)
have a piece of chocolate, (okay - I'm not supposed to tell you to do that, but we're in kind of a mini-crisis it sounds like) and BREATHE! Good luck!
dearerdiarist on 01/22/2008:
I am just here to remind you to think as positively as you are able and to have confidence in yourself and your teachers. We are all rooting for you, I am sure that you know that, but it is majorly important that you root for your dear self. I believe that there are angels on shoulders. Be sure to pat yours :)
Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2008:
are you nervous about the driving test? is that why you are sick? sometimes i get really tired/run down when i think about things i am unsure about. Just thinking about things sometimes draws my energy...its not a usual occurance, like depression or anything, but that may have added to your sickness.
dark chocolate is nutritious...have some of that...:)
i wish you loads of goodluck tomorrow as well as some feeling better wishes, too! :)
hollybelle on 01/23/2008:
Hope it went well. Mama said there'd be days like this......you can do it!