Finally MAKING time to write. My back seems to have improved enough to be called "normal" again. Wednesday morning was my last back spasm. When these spasms start, I have to be very careful and go into preventative mode so that nothing worse happens. I must remain healthy in order to take care of my husband. Thankfully, this time was very minor.
Decreased my exercise, but remained sufficiently active. Short frequent walks are the best thing for my back, really. So I thought I did very well this week and yesterday, so I thought I would weigh in ahead of schedule: GAINED 2 POUNDS.
I would really like to be back down to 128, and ideally 125. I don't think I can get there until the weather turns warmer and it gets easier to be active outside and eat lighter.
Went and bought new underwear because my old underwear was so stretched out and needed mending along the waistband (all pairs). So I went from a size L to a size M, and they are "tight". What I mean by "tight" (in quotes) is that they actually fit properly but because they aren't baggy, but are properly form fitting, they feel "tight".
I have this issue with my pants, too. Actually all of my clothes. I love wearing leggings and XXL (mens') t-shirts, so that my legs look skinny, and the rest of me looks undefined. That is my look, but it's not a very flattering look. I might look more slender if I had properly fitting clothes. But then they feel restrictive, and that makes me feel fat.
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
Hurt my back somehow... started having small muscles spasms this morning, and now my whole back is tight, in spite of taking 2 Aleve.
Got through the day, took a hot shower, and a muscle relaxer. Going to bed and lie flat.
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
This weekend has been kind of low-key because the balance in the checking account is low, so no spending errands for me this weekend. That's okay - and we'll be ok once my deposit clears on Monday.
I went for a walk yesterday afternoon, to check out if there are any houses in my neighborhood for sale. This will help drive up the property value (possibly) for my house if/when we sell -- now slated for probably next year, once we see what Daughter does with her next step in life. I was thinking of Maria7's post about springtime coming. Sure enough - saw 2 robins and trees with buds on them! The neighborhood I work in must have slow trees because they do not show much sign of budding anytime soon. But the trees out here are just waiting for a little more sunlight, a little warmer temperatures...
Felt I did well with eating and exercising. It was good to start walking outside again. And I'm SO proud of myself for not letting agorophobia get the better of me and keep me inside until May, which is how it has worked the past 2 years. I feel braver getting out there, and who cares what the neighbors think of me. (This has been a HUGE issue to overcome since 2009.) This morning, though, I am feeling a little stiffness or something in my back and right hip. Not sure if it was the walking or what.
No plans today again, other than to either walk outside or maybe pick up branches that have blown down in the backyard. Another "no spending" day, and I'm ok with that.
AFTERNOON EDIT: Perhaps I spoke too soon because we have snow forecasted as a possibility for Monday through Wednesday, with chances for rain increasing as we get towards Wednesday. Oh well, it's Chicago, where you're wearing your winter coat one day and shorts the next.
I tried the new exercise bike this afternoon, after programming everyone's profile into the console! Super proud of me for taking the initiative in this, as in the past, I would ask a million times for my husband to do this. See, I'm tech savvy 
Cons:
Pros:
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
I had agoraphobia in my teens and, though I don't have your direct experience of being you, I know some of how horrible and limiting it can be. More power to you!
We had snow here (London UK) until yesterday but Spring is finally springing... or at least it's stopped snowing
proud of you also for programming the bike :)
proud of you also for getting outside.
i have also started getting outside already to start the jog / walk program of mine up again.
keep active as you are. the purchase of the bike was def worthwhile.
i did the opposite of you - i realized i didn't own any black dress pants that fit and ended up going to a store for them...and picked up a few nice shirts to wear under cardigans, as well as a black blazer to go with the dress pants in case i ever need to wear a "full suit" for anything and it's in my size (hadn't had one full suit in my size since well over 10 years ago) and bought a jacket that was 50% off bc mine is a size too big and doesn't look nice on me so i switched this one for my old one which now needs to be hung up in the closet and not for wearing to work (it's so ugly) anymore. i spent $300 and somehow saved $200...most i spend on clothes at once in a VERY long time. Splurge, but some of it was needed - as i haven't, like i said, had my size dress pants that fit appropriately for a long time. now i do. and the blazer. a jacket that looks better (thought not that warm) and a few nice dress shirts. now i don't need to shop for another long time....and i hope also to have more weekends like you - going outdoors as long as the weather is working...and if it's not, to go to gym or use the stairs in my apt bldg for exercise!
Responded to comments to my last entry - thank you all very much!
Lost a pound, but not quite where I want to be. However, I do feel much better: not so bloated, not so anxious or edgy, more centered and focused mentally.
I'm thinking that maybe the "GET TOUGH AND DO IT" attitude isn't right for me. I was initially inspired by Horn and BearCountry when they pledged to step it up and just do it. For whatever reasons, that did not work for me this time. So while I appreciate enthusiasm and love to bask in others' excitement and dedication -- I really do like a group effort! -- this just wasn't the time. Not sure if it's seasonal, hormonal, situational, or what, but it didn't work for me this time.
So I do feel that with the oatmeal breakfast, everythint else falls into place. Again, this morning, I thought about going back to protein shakes in the morning, but I'm trying to stay with real food as much as possible.
The new bike is almost put together. One of the programs is called a "Ride in the Park" -- I want to try this one first 
Another thing that I think will help is that it has an interval program that will deliver results. It will deliver because the new bike has more resistance. Can't do HIIT if you don't have resistance, and my old bike isn't set up well for that. However, I think my old bike will still be my anchor.
Final word for this morning: to those of you who have expressed frustration with dieting and always struggling with food, moderation, exercise: I share your pain. Why can't I just be naturally thin? Why must this always be a battle? I still get uncomfortable with the level of time, energy, and thought this whole experience takes. How about those people who say, "Oh I just forgot to eat" -- WHAT??? Who ARE you?? Who forgets to eat when I'm planning out meals & snacks for next week? Who ARE you that forgets to eat when, for me, I have an internal war with every bite???
I love my family, but visiting my brother is very hard because his wife is very slim. She has to work to maintain at 100lbs. And her daughter, while she looks a lot like our side of the family, will be very thin, just like her mom. And nobody there seems to show much interest in eating. And when they do, it's all carbs. I get so frustrated sometimes... Life just isn't fair.
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
So yesterday was weird. I was not feeling good about how Husband and I left things with our money "conversation" and our future --- in this house, in this state, etc.
But I did go to the store with him to look at the exercise bike. It's much nicer than what I've been working with right now, and if he will use it too -- which I remain skeptical, because he's like that -- then that will be a bonus. My bike, while beloved, is very basic, loud, and doesn't offer much resistance or variation. The new bike does offer this. (Plus, lately, I've been worried if my old bike is breaking down or going to break soon... It will be nice to have a back-up.)
Food is going much better this week, so far. To answer Maria7's question: my bag of raw vegetables usually consists of baby carrots, celery sticks, broccoli heads, and cauliflower. Sometimes I have these small red/orange/yellow peppers that are not hot. Sometimes I will bring a cucumber to slice up. Ooo, this week I have a treat with radishes and green onions! These are ALL eaten raw, mainly for stress eating situations at work, and bulk, to keep me full.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
his problem i've noticed for him is his portion sizes. he likes a big egg sandwich with cheese and prob bacon for breakfast and devours it...and at lunch if he orders a sandwich, it's huge...i mean the size of 2 sandwiches and he finishes it.
so while it's good he's getting the nutrition, i've noticed that he always is capable of finishing off really big portions of calories at a time during meals and noticed that this is his dilemma...be happy you watch your servings and portions.
there's a veggie that tastes like licorice that you should try that he brings...it looks like celery...i'll think of the name later.
What I'm really interested in trying are leeks, but I have no idea how to eat or prepare them!
Went to bed super early for me - 9:17p and probably would have slept until 5:30a but Husband was up at 1:30am with pain and didn't turn off his alarm clock which went off at 5am. *sigh* So I stayed up when I got up to turn off his alarm...
Did a longer route with more resistance on the exercise bike this morning. The rest of the week will be lighter and shorter. I am planning a shorter walk today at lunch.
There are lots of leftovers from yesterday's lunch, plus the lunch that I brought over because I forgot that the title company was coming over. I have raw vegetables and a big apple, 2 containers of almonds, 1 container of vanilla Greek yogurt... So all I need is my breakfast, I think. Debating on whether to pack some sweet pickles or not, for munchies.
EVENING EDIT: I texted my husband that I was coming home from work, and when I got home, both he and my daughter were sleeping! So no dinner made, no company, no nothing. My daughter work up and sat with me, but later she left to go get herself something to eat because she didn't like the leftovers we have left.
I had several thin slices of leftover ham and a salad - second helpings on the salad. Decaf coffee, and now I think I'm done.
Husband and I were supposed to go try out a recumbant bike he wants to buy for himself/us but he didn't wake up until 7p. So by then, I didn't really feel like going out shopping and spending a whole much of money. He was not happy about that, but oh well, then be up and awake and fixing a dinner when I get home, please! (didn't say that, just thought it)
Then we start talking about the estimates for the home repairs, and the guy he likes is a contractor, not a handyman, not a painter, and will do everything for a flat fee of "less than $6000" -- oof! WAY more than what I had planned on spending.
I'm like, Where are the written estimates? and there aren't any (yet). I was tired of Husband yelling at me because all the money talk was getting really overwhelming to me, so I said, When the estimates come in, we can talk about what we're getting done, and what we're not getting done.
He gets mad when I say we're not spending money. And by the end of THAT conversation, I was REALLY glad that we weren't looking at any bicycle tonight.
Part of this is because I'm dealing with a co-worker who is telling me - almost boasting to me -- that he's going to start aggressively paying off his mortgage. In the meantime, the Donkey family is saddled with this stupid 2nd mortgage that my husband thought was a good idea, and now is this chain around my neck. (Doesn't seem to bother him one bit, because what he can't see, he doesn't think about.)
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
I'm telling everyone right now - if that last sandwich is still there in the morning, it's mine!
Something is going on: fell asleep before 9:30p last night, could not get out of bed this morning. Slept in too late, so exercise will be cut short, but will be sufficient. My first feeling this morning was dread of going to work. Dinner set very heavy in my stomach. Husband thinks it was the carbs from the chips. Damn. I feel like my motivation - for many aspects of my life - is at a low. I thought about this a little bit last night and then again this morning. Exercise (and thus diet, because they go hand in hand for me) motivation might be picked up with a new pair of workout shoes. Meh... not in the mood to spend more money. Work motivation might be picked up with a vacation, which will happen when we visit our son in March. The thing about vacations is that I come back to more work than I leave, so then I get resentful and mad.
EVENING EDIT: Today, one of the title companies came by to show us their new website and brought us lunch. Sandwiches, salad, and dessert tray. I had a buffalo chicken sandwich and filled the rest of my plate with salad (no dressing) that had bacon, avocado, and turkey toppings. I was careful to take mostly salad and just a tad of the toppings.
Before the title company came, I had a nectarine. After the title company left, about 2 hours later, I had some raw vegetables w/dressing.
Two things I think have made a difference so far this week:
I know it's only been 2 days, but I have high hopes for the rest of the week. Let's see what the scale will say... if it will be forgiving of the weekend's transgressions, if it will like the menu this week.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
i am having similar issues...
i am quite positive there's more to this, an underlying cause.
I'm going to be accountable to myself and to you, dear DD friends: I'm sadly disappointed in myself for last night. Sunday was already a higher eating day to begin with, so I feel that I should have been satisfied with that. And then after dinner, I just caved. I'm not sure what overtook me, if it was anxiety about work, or missing my son, or hormones, or bathroom issues (or lack thereof) or what.
I was full but not stuffed, amazingly enough. I mean, that's an entire days' worth of calories right there. This morning, though, I woke to a sour stomach, which I would naturally expect.
Oh well, get back on track, keep moving forward, because that's what us donkeys do.
EVENING EDIT: So today went better, but that could be because I was full from last night - ? Even with everything I ate last night, I felt hungry this morning.
I think I'm going to have to pull back a little bit on my walking. Seriously, I do not know how people get 20,000 steps on a regular, daily basis. I'm burning out at 15,000 a day. So I'm reducing that now to just 10,000 by 1pm ish and then anything else is extra.
I finally got to the drugstore to buy more melatonin, to help me sleep at night. This really works for me. While I was there, I took a walk down the block and came back. Very short walk, but that's all I wanted today.
Dinner was chili. I added shredded cheese (OK) but then I probably had too many tortilla chips to dip in my chili. Had a Fiber One brownie for dessert with my decaf coffee.
I'm ready for an early bedtime tonight - yes, I think that would be nice... although that means I won't see my daughter until tomorrow morning for about 3 seconds. 
take a breather. stay in charge. keep on. stay motivated. you look great so keep at it!
me too - i'd hate to buy all new big clothes again. i'm working at it, again. with the new commuting, i guess my calorie needs increased but not to as much as i was eating...so i guess i'm working at figuring it out and maybe planning better breakfasts and snacks since i start at 7am and i get hungry like twice for snacks in the morning before noon...maybe i should plan a breakfast and TWO morning snacks at work! sounds like a lot but maybe this is what i need...
Not particularly inspired this morning. Changing up my routine to exercise later this morning, after breakfast, rather than first thing -- one of the privileges of a weekend.
Did not get all of my shopping done yesterday, so I went to one store to get fresh produce yesterday afternoon, and today, I will go to the other store to get meat, packaged groceries, etc. I like to be active during the day, so having a task helps me. What I should really do though is organize a closet or 2... Things on that list don't ever seem to get done.
Went shopping with Mr. Donkey yesterday to get a replacement medicine cabinet and kitchen lighting fixture, for the handyman to install. I feel that we should probably get these little fixes done now, even if we're going to stay here for another year or so. Everything is on hold until we can determine our income versus expenses, since things are changing right now, but it seems as though it might be cheaper to stay here rather than move and rent, until we know where we're going to end up, which will probably be either closer to daughter or closer to Mom.
EVENING EDIT: It was not a very good day eating-wise. I only ate until I was full, and cleaned up some leftovers. Still, it felt like all I did was eat all morning, and food was on my mind for most of the afternoon (going grocery shopping).
This past week, too, it felt like all I was doing was eating all day, even though I did not eat everything that I brought to work. (I bring some "emergency" snack food, in case I start having a carb craving or a stress breakdown, where I gotta have something sweet/salty ASAP.
Perhaps with the inclusion of more carbs in my meals during the week, e.g. oatmeal for breakfast, this will not be such a bothersome issue to me this week.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
In addition to downsizing, there is the effort/cost of maintaining the property. My boss pointed out though that paying association dues (for a condo) cost just as much as hiring a lawn service or snow service.
I have to wait to see how our finances settle, which should play out this year, I hope. I do worry about my mom; she really misses my step-father. Fortunately, my brother and his large family are out there, to ease the pain. Also, she lives in an active senior community (55+), so she's putting her association dues to good use by joining some groups.
OK, I promise that I am happy today, BUT...
Gained half a pound!!! I'm so beyond frustrated. This is not where I belong, this is not where I should be. What is going on with my *&^% body???
Then, on top of that, I forgot to put on my FitBit until I was over halfway done with my cardio -- so all of those steps won't count. I just wasn't focused this morning. I did sleep in until 7am, which I think I really needed. But then the disappointing weigh-in.. and then the disappointing workout -- well the workout was good, but the messed up step count sucks.
I don't think I can do the Whole 30. I end up way too hungry and tired from lack of carbs. The level of fatigue this week was just overwhelming, too. So I'm going back to having oatmeal for breakfast; I seem to do better with that. This morning I had diet toast with Nutella. Whole 30 works for my husband because he cannot workout due to his health issues, but for me, who does workout, I need something that will sustain me a little more evenly.
I'm wondering if I should go back to protein shakes in the morning. I liked those, but I dislike the throught of artificial food. Plus, the powder is kind of expensive.
Much needs to be replenished in this house: groceries (fress foods only), home improvement items for handyman, and I need a trip to the drugstore for the vitamins I like.
I hope to watch the Wonder Woman movie with my husband tonight. It's kind of nice getting to spend more time with just him, although I miss my son a lot, and I wish my daughter were home for dinner more often.
Speaking of my son, please keep him in your thoughts and prayers this week. He starts "Beast Week" which is a week-long exercise in defending a post. It is very difficult work, and it's 24/7 for a week. I cannot even imagine...
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
I'd rather see numbers in the 120's... IDK, maybe it's just meant to be THIS way instead.
....i am not sure whether to quit practicing...i failed the beep test miserably. I have time to improve...i can try to improve by starting up my cardio again.
I was reading more about the BEEP test. To be honest, I'm not sure I could get past step 1 successfully. I'm a slow runner, although you'd think with these big legs, I'd be a sprinter.
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I loved reading your entry.......and saw many things there that also apply to me. I'm glad to hear your back is being normal again...spasms are miserable.......you made me think.
horn_of_plenty on 03/09/2018:
ME and you have similar goals to just lose a little bit. I am seriously working on it now, having had 2 better calorie weeks just now.
I have the opposite problem in that the pants i just bought are suddenly too tight...so weird.
they fit well last Saturday and now i can hardly pull them on right!? Anyways, yeah, some people just like the loose clothes....
i think just wear what you are comfortable in!? unless you want to make a change.?
Maria7 on 03/09/2018:
I so identify with your clothing situation. It is easier during th winter to simply choose baggy clothing but as the warm weather comes in, we don't get away with it so much, especially here in the very humid south. Like you, I have been wearing baggy tee shirts and overshirts over elastic pants that are baggy.
bearcountrygg on 03/09/2018:
Thank you again for mentioning the protein....if you hadn't gotten my attention on that I would never have did the research...Thanks again!
horn_of_plenty on 03/09/2018:
even if you did really well for one week, it takes the body time to catch up and lose the weight - this is my issue right now. i've been moderate for two weeks, so my body isn't exactly losing...but it still feels like i have made no progress...at least i'm not gaining.
horn_of_plenty on 03/09/2018:
actually ty for helping me figure out what's going on - i have finally noticed my own weight gain...and it'll take me longer than 2 weeks to fix it apparently.