OK, just want to get this off my chest....
Ate above my calories today, by about 200. That's not gonna kill me. In fact, I think it's good to have days of varied calorie levels. That is to say, some days, I should eat less and some days I should eat more.
What annoys me is that most of that excess calories is from this stupid Dutch Apple Pie that Husband bought at the market. It's not even that good, but the kids don't like it, and so it is staring at me and staring at me. I told Husband to take it to work tomorrow. If he does not, I'm going to put it in the refrigerator --- waaaayyy in the back. Out of sight, out of mind.
For some reason, I have been sad today. Depressed? Maybe. But genuinely sad. For no good reason that I can think of or identify. So that drives me nutty too. It's one thing to know why I am sad, but just to be down in the dumps? That rots.
So perhaps that might be one reason for reaching for the pie when I clearly did not want any nor did I need any. I'm sick and tired of being in a state of discontent. Whether it's changes or deaths or catastrophe, I'm sick of this negativity. Now how's that for negative? All this negativity is bringing me down. No doubt! I think I have some spiritual heaviness to lose as well as physical heaviness :-)
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
I decided to weigh in today, even though I weighed in on Wed. and Thurs., because Fridays are my "official weigh-in" days. Best to keep a consistent pattern I think.
Anyway, I am really happy to see that number under my "official goal weight", even if it's only by 0.5.
I have a long weekend Friday-Sunday, so I am using this time to relax and recharge. Of course, my Husband has to work all weekend, which means I'm doing 2x the work at home.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Sometimes I just want to say WTF. I don't get this. I eat like a sugar junkie for 2 weeks and I actually lose weight?!? What the heck is THAT all about? I was down from 132.0 this morning. (I weighed in by accident, thinking today was a weigh-in day.)
I had a great day yesterday though, eating-wise, and that's the important thing. I HATE feeling like I do when I go through my sugar binges. I don't like it; it's not healthy. I want another good day (night) tonight.
I took today off from the gym. I needed a rest day. Hopefully taking a day off won't cause my weight to skyrocket (i know it won't).
Progress as of today: 13.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!
Your Dimension Of Greatness
No one can know the potential,
Of a life that is committed to win;
With courage - the challenge it faces , To achieve great success in the end!
So, explore the Dimension of Greatness,
And believe that the world CAN be won;
By a mind that is fully committed,
KNOWING the task can be done!
Your world has no place for the skeptic,
No room for the DOUBTER to stand;
To weaken your firm resolution
That you CAN EXCEL in this land!
We must have VISION TO SEE our potential,
And FAITH TO BELIEVE that we can;
Then COURAGE TO ACT with conviction,
To become what GOD MEANT us to be!
So, possess the strength and the courage,
To conquer WHATEVER you choose;
It's the person WHO NEVER GETS STARTED,
That is destined FOREVER to lose!
Just keeping myself accountable here, but I have been bingeing on sugar sweets every night within the past week, except for one night (I forget which night that was).
I don't expect to see anything good when I step on the scale soon. Maybe that will be enough to kick my butt off the sugar kick.
Progress as of today: 12 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
I was very pleased to see another pound come off. I might have done better had I not eaten all that Irish soda bread (and then some ice cream later on that evening) on Wednesday. Well, it's hard to say. TOM is here right now, that usually throws in a glitch. Also, as a personal challenge, I've been doing more weight training this week.
NO I DID NOT GAIN MUSCLE MASS IN ONE WEEK!!!!
Sheesh, I am so sick and tired of women saying, "Oh, I just started exercising, and I've gained 2lb. I must be putting on muscle weight." No ladies, it doesn't WORK LIKE THAT. What you're (I'm) gaining is water retention, because when you start a weight training program, the muscles tend to hold onto water as part of the process of muscle tissue breaking down and rebuilding.
So I have more than one reason why I might be retaining water. At any rate it doesn't matter. As long as the scale is doing down, that's what's important.
Wow, if AF is here now, I can't wait to see what an amazing week I'll have next week. Woo-woo! :-)
Progress as of today: 12 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Good job--all things considered! (How about renting a flame thrower next snowstorm?)
Congrats on the pound off!
Thanks for your advice, by the way - I think you are right on target. I practically never drink water, and the whole point of fibre is to make you feel full by binding to the water in your digestive system, so I'm probably getting no benefit from it at all by not drinking any water with it. I am going to make that my plan from now on - TO DRINK MORE WATER!!!
Thank you!!
Just announcing that tomorrow is my weigh-in! And I feel like eating the entire house. Slipped up yesterday and ate a whole loaf of Irish soda bread from our ethnic supermarket. Oh MY but that is GOOD! Then I had 2 dishes of ice cream, later on that night. I had spent over 2 hours shoveling in the cold snow. My hunger was out of control.
I hate winter.
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
You must have burned hundreds of calories shoveling snow, and in the cold, too, when your body uses up even more energy to maintain its temperature. No wonder you were so ravenous. Whereas I felt the same way yesterday and have no excuse!
You were right, by the way, I did say that I was going to update my weight but that was when I was hoping it would go down after a few days on the straight and narrow, so to speak. Instead it keeps going up, and now today I'm inevitably going to be gorging myself on bread, so there's no hope for tomorrow. But maybe this weekend...
For the record, I have spent over 120 minutes today shoveling snow. And I'm not done yet, because it hasn't stopped snowing all day.
Woke up at 4:30 - needed to shovel mouth of driveway because of the snow the municipal plow piled up from plowing the street (20 minutes)
Shovel #1 @ 9:30a - School canceled, hence work canceled. Had my 2 kids help me clear off the driveway which had about 5 inches of snow on it. (60 minutes)
Shovel #2 @ 2:27p - Just came in from that one. About 3-4 inches of snow on the driveway. Must clear way before Husband comes home from work or he won't be able to pull in. I don't see how he'll be able to drive on our street. The mailman came in his pick-up truck (4 wheel drive) and he almost got stuck! I expect Husband to take about an hour to get home, normally takes him 10 minutes. (40 minutes)
(EVENING EDIT)
Shovel #3 @ 6:46p - Shoveled for only 10 minutes because Husband was already out there shoveling. I did the mouth of the driveway AGAIN, because the snow plow FINALLY came down our cul-de-sac and of course, pushed a nice wall of snow at the end of the driveway. (10 minutes)
My next door neighbor's mailbox is blocked by snow and so is ours. So my guess is that the plow will come by again -- when we are not outside glaring at him -- and clear that snow away, and promply place it at the mouth of our driveway.
So now you know what I will be doing at 5:30a tomorrow morning as I get ready to leave for work. :-(
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
You may notice that my weight went down 0.5lb. Yes, this despite having eaten over 3000 calories yesterday. (I'm giving Horn of Plenty a run for her money!)(Yuck, it's not a fun competition. I ate so much my pancreas hurt! I couldn't inhale deeply for over 3 hours!)
This week, I have very limited time at the gym. I have a driving route that extends into my break in the morning, so my free time of 9a-1:30p is decreased to 10:30a-1:45p. I have decided that it is better to do SOMETHING at the gym rather than to give up and do nothing.
So today, instead of my usual hour on the elliptical, I only did 35 minutes. Then I used the remainder of the hour to do weight training (lower body). Maybe this "change-up" will bring some positive results. More muscle tone? Who knows? It is all I can do, and I'm trying to take a balanced approach to my workouts this week.
I have this longer driving route Monday (today) and Tuesday. Then Wednesday and Thursday I go back to more bus training, which will make my morning break (my Gym Time) more like 11:30a-1:30p. I detest this training. I have no desire to learn this new vehicle format. Nor do I like the trainer very much. Perhaps she is more like me than I care to admit. I tend not to like people who are like myself in personality. And come to think of it, she does have a similar personality. A "get down to business, be very thorough" attitude. Now if she could just STOP being so condescending about it all....
Tomorrow I am driving routes by myself. It is the first time I have ever driven on my own. I am nervous. I will get through it. Hopefully without crashing or killing anything (anyone).
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
So you have a "get down to business" attitude - that's cool. Maybe your trainer just hasn't noticed it yet. She's probably used to people being less thorough than her and hasn't realised that you're not like that.
Yeah, I did think that was the most awesome Superbowl ever!! Even my curmudgeonly Giants-and-Patriots-hating husband had to admit that it was up there. I was also getting really sick of all the Tom Brady adoration going over the last few days/weeks/months. And he certainly let it get to his head, didn't he? "We're only going to score 17 points?!" It seems pride came before a fall.
OK I could choose not to weigh in until the weight went down. But I'm not going to. I'm being 100% honest with you and with myself. Quite frankly, with all the bingeing I've been doing at night, I'm surprised my weight isn't higher. If I had seen 137, I would not have been surprised. Sad, yes. Discouraged, yes. Angry, totally.
So I kind of look at this number as a gift, or a free pass. Just 0.5lb out of my self-determined "maintenance range." (Which is 133-127, a 3lb leeway in either direction.)
Another tough week coming up. My stomach isn't right. I don't know if my sickness has settled in my stomach or if it's nerves or what. I know I"m not myself because I have little desire for coffee. I love coffee, but now I"m down to 1 cup a day in the mornings. And I think that's just to prevent headaches later on. I've been drinking diet soda pop instead. The bubbles really help my stomach and queasiness.
I thought it might be the stress of the job, but even vegetables have lost their appeal to me. Which would explain why I'm craving sweets like I have been. So I asked Husband to buy more fruit when he went to the market today. What a sweetie I have :-)
I have also come to the conclusion that if job training -- yes, I have more job training this week -- is going to interfere with a daily hour workout, then darn it, I'm going to get to the gym and do what I CAN. My aim is for 30 minutes on training days. (I'm learning how to drive an oversized school bus.) You see, I normally get 4 hour break in the middle of the day, which is great for going to the gym, coming home and showering, then having lunch and then go back to work. Well, the training cuts 2-2.5 hours into the break. But I think I can try very hard to squeeze in a workout. I usually can't go after work because the kids have homework or activities that I need to help them with.
Hmm... I'm wondering if I could make it to the gym BEFORE I have to be at work, if I hussle my butt to the front door AT 5a. Hmm... Probably not. Fortunately, I don't have many days of this training, I don't believe. Probably depends on how I do with the testing, ha ha (weak laugh). God, more testing for Donkey? Lord have mercy upon me, please....
Progress as of today: 10.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!
thank you for your feedback on anatomy and physiology and how it could just lead to binging all semester. haha, i was thinking about that this morning and afternoon before i read your comment. That's when i made the promise to do yoga at least 5X a week and schedule study time and not think about studying, but rather, just study! you are right, it is a TON of memorizing...and i'm glad i don't have to take any other courses right now along with it!
I've been hiding. I've been falling into bad eating habits again. I didn't feel that I had much to say about anything. I found myself eating incredible amounts of sugar in the evenings. Yesterday my "fat" jeans started feeling a little tighter than I like, so I knew I had to do something soon. And then it hit me:
I didn't realize how sleep deprived I was until Thursday morning. I made a plan to get myself OUT of the kitchen ASAP after diner last night, get myself upstairs and ready for bed EARLY. I was asleep by 8:30p. I woke up refreshed. I feel so renewed.
Unfortunately, I forgot to weigh myself this morning before having a cup of coffee. I was up early because I needed to see if school was canceled for the kids -- which it has been. Yay I'm a SAHM again for the day (Stay At Home Mom)!!!
So I am using this extended weekend to regroup and recharge.
I also want to take this opportunity to thank EVERYONE who stopped by my diary to lend a word of encouragement, sympathy and kindness over my recent losses and stressors in my life. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for taking time out of your busy lives to lend me some comfort. I am still sad but I know this will take time to get over. Thank you all -- you guys are the best!!!
i am sorry to her about the hard times in your life. it must be difficult but i can tell your a strong women. take care x
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I'm sorry you're feeling down. I get like that a lot, but to me I think it's mainly related to my weight and I feel better now that I see some progress. Maybe it's the weather, or something in the back of your mind that you don't realize. Don't worry, it should pass, but it's definitely a good idea to try and have a brighter outlook on things! Maybe yoga? (not sure you do it already or like it, just an idea). Dont even mention the 200+ cal. It's nothing! :)
workingit2 on 02/17/2008:
Hey congrats on being back to your goal! I have 'sad' days as well...those are very difficult and drive me crazy. Hope your blues go away quickly and that you have happy times =)
shadetree on 02/17/2008:
YOu have certainly been through the wringer the past month or so, added with this crappy weather we've had and lack of sunshine, and it's only natural to feel somewhat down. I hope the sun shines for you soon and brings you up out of the spiritual heaviness.
Throw the pie out. The kids don't want it, so who does that leave to eat it? I've finally overcome the guilt of tossing out food - you know those starving kids in China and all...but how does getting fat make their lives better? it doesn't, just makes mine more miserable. Soooo...no guilt.
Hope your day is a little better today!