Weighed in this morning, just to see if the weight was actually going DOWN. It is not. It went up, but not by much. But this is it. Now I fight my body to release more weight.
Today I ran into someone at church who has caused me grief. I understand why she has said what she has said. Unfortunately, she said what she said about me with only one person's interpretation. And I was never allowed to say my side of the story.
This encounter took an already difficult day down quite a bit. I have tried very hard not to eat in reaction to this. I came home, had lunch - and made lunch for the kids - and then I went upstairs to watch TV so I would not be around the kitchen.
While I was watching TV, I kept thinking of all the foods that I would like to drown my sadness in. I won't list them here, though. I came down and had my afternoon tea (fancy name for "snack"). I thought I would have some frozen watermelon, because even if I eat a lot of that, it's not as damaging as if I ate a lot of other possibilities.
I did not eat the whole container though, 1-2 cups. Then I had a cup of dry cereal, which seems to be my latest "safe" indulgence.
And now I will not eat until dinner. (Or, I will be asking myself the Carrot Question again.)
Sometimes, I wish we could move. Right now that's not feasible. Actually, I doubt my husband would agree to it. This was supposed to be our Forever Home.
Just an unfortunate day, I suppose...
Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
I stupidly weighed myself this morning. It was such a force of habit that I did not realize that I was not going to weigh myself until Tuesday until the number flashed on the screen. Fortunately, I am not in a place right now where the number dictates my mood or my actions or my day. The only thing it affects is the number I punch into the cardio machines at the gym.
Not only does my husband have to work 12 hours today but he also has to work 12 hours tomorrow. Sundays are hard enough as they are, with the husband around. Not that we would necessarily do anything if he were home. In fact, I'd probably do more with him NOT home, just so I can fill the time.
Thankfully today will be *beautiful* weather-wise, so at least I cannot be limited to indoor activities. We shall see.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 9 lbs to go!
Hope the weather holds and you get outside to enjoy it! I took one of my dogs on a walk today and timed it well..it started storming within an hour of us getting back!!
Hope the weather holds out for you! ANGUS RULES!!
I guess I'm at my "Real Weight", after 3-4 days of getting back on track. So now starts the work.
Last night, I had that semi-hungry feeling again around 9:30p. So asked myself the carrots question: Do you want some carrots? And this time, I did! So I had 4 of them and they were very tasty.
(I guess you have to like raw carrots to understand what I'm talking about.)
Unfortunately, this morning, my weight was up 0.5 lbs. WHAT?? Isn't it enough to drive you crazy? YES. So now that I know what my Real Weight is, I can stop weighing in every day, and go back to my designated once-a-week weigh-in on Tuesdays.
I'm good with that.
No special plans this weekend. My husband has to work 12 hours on Saturday which makes for a lonely day. I am hoping that the weather stays nice (i.e. no rain) so that I can do outdoor things with the kids.
If it does rain, I'm taking them to the library so that I can pick up something to read!
Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
I hope that the weekend weather cooperates with you so you can get out in the fresh air with your kiddos!
Check this out for more: http://www.rhymes.org.uk/as_i_was_going_to_st_ives.htm
This site has a ton of nursery rhymes--might be fun to share some of this with your offspring!
Have a good one!
ps I know it doesn't help you much, but I'd give each of my pinkie toes (unless it made me walk funny for the rest of my life) to weigh 140 in a healthy and active manner for the rest of my born days;-)
I weighed in this morning.
From the comments I received on my last post, I am wondering: "What is my REAL weight?"
I figure my real weight is probably around 138.
I bought new running shoes 2 weeks ago and I feel too fat to use them, i.e. too fat for running. :-( You know -- I should use those shoes as incentive to staying on track.
I have been trying hard to keep the night time eating away. Last night was hard, but I asked myself if I wanted carrot sticks. I did not not, which meant that I was not truly hungry. So I did not eat..
I realize now, thanks to Catepillar, that when I get the feelings of wanting to eat for other reasons than hunger, I need find something to do to keep myself busy.
You see, I always thought that when I was experiencing an emotion or the pain of feelings from the past, that I needed to DO SOMETHING about those feelings.
I don't.
What I'm supposed to do is to find something to do - other than eat - until the feelings... fade? dissapate? pass? I"m not sure. But all along, I was thinking that in order to "feel" the pain and move beyond it, I needed to control it/them (the feelings).
That doesn't work, because my way to control feelings is to eat.
I'm not sure if therapy was supposed to teach me how to actually DEAL with the feelings -- if so, it didn't.
How does one deal with sadness?
How does one touch anger?
What does one do with frustration?
I don't know.
But what I DO know is that when these feelings come up, I have to find something to do other than to eat. I could exercise, read, shower, etc. That's all fine, but note that it doesn't actually DEAL with the emotion. I'm clueless.
However, once I learn to move beyond the emotional eating, this weight loss journey will become more cut-and-dry of "plan / action / result". I wonder if I will ever move beyond the emotional eating issue or if it's something I will need to be ever vigilant about.
Progress as of today: 40.5 lbs lost so far, only 9.5 lbs to go!
I know that I will never be considered a non food addict or a non compulsive eater. I must always know I am so that I can be careful as I go about my day. Vigilance is key. And there is no shame in it because again, there is strength in knowing ourselves and knowing our limitations. Then we can focus on our strengths.
God has strength that far outmatches our own. Lean on Him. Trust Him. Use your faith to help you through. Don't just give lip service to it, use it, walk in it, trust it. I am a firm believer that we find ourselves when we stop trying to control everything and let go, and let God. Of course we have to do our due diligance, but we carry far too much around when we don't have to. I know I do. I know I am. And the only thing I can do is work on it every day.
I don't know your situation or your needs, but I feel the pain of your food addiction and compulsive eating. That makes us family. :)
You are only too far to run if you are 3 feet tall. Other than that, you're fine. Go running, you enjoy it. Give yourself a break. I love the idea of measuring your hunger with thinking if you want carrots. The same with the way we treat ourselves.. would you have this same judgement if it was me? like 'grumpy, you're too fat to exercise' or something like that. I say that because I judge my appearance so harshly the way i would NEVER do if it was anyone else's. And I wonder why. Of course we should treat others with love, but why not ourselves??
as for me, i've realized that i DO NOT at all have control over my eating. and it is still VERY volatile. i have work to do. and absolutely no direction right now. being away from school so long, like 3 weeks almost, it has been very hard to get back into it. and remember everything, and try to improve. i am a bit in disarray.
We all carry around baggage, whether we want to or not. It's always packed and ready to go - the trick is not picking it up. If you can't tell, I'm into music, so for me sometimes the quickest pick me up is thinking of 2 particular kick ass concerts that I've been to (one as a teen & one just last year). When I think of those times, I think of the music that moves me, the friends that screamed with me like idiots, the exilleration - and I know (in an instant) that Life IS Good. Just try to cling to the moments that made you feel "I can do anything" and not the "why bothers" - it is life altering................
Seems that I've gained 3lb since my last entry. Ugh....
Progress as of today: 36.5 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!
No weigh-in today because I slipped up last night. And my daughter caught me last night. I pleaded with her not to tell my husband that I had eaten what I had eaten. This is not good parenting, I know.
I seem to do fine if I can keep myself focused on the practical "diet" mentality. But last night I started to feel emotions overtaking me. Imagine yourself sitting in a room and starting to feel a cold draft coming onto you. It was very much like that. And then I didn't really THINK but just started eating.
Progress as of today: 39.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
Hoping that today is a wonderful day~
Weighed in this morning so I thought it only right to update my DD as well.
I'm trying to get myself back into the mindset of losing weight. I've done the healthy lifestyle change and can live with that. But now I need to get back to a more comfortable weight. And that means that I will need to experience discomfort to some degree until I get back, closer to goal.
So yesterday, my meals were lighter, but I ate every 2-3 hours. That seemed to help. I have cut back on my cardio, to help with cravings.
Last night, I had air-popped popcorn for my "late night" snack, and was satisfied with that. One "test" that I have used in the past with regards to nighttime snacking is asking myself if I want carrots. Because if I'm truly hungry, then the answer will be YES, I want carrots. But if I'm just "bingey" (as HoP says), then the answer would be NO.
And that's when I need to go brush my teeth, floss, use mouthwash and fill up my water bottle.
On the weekends, I have decided that I will be walking on the treadmill instead of my usual ellptical/weights schedule. I had a great time today, watching TV and walking on the treadmill at the gym. A real nice change of pace.
I mention this because I was very tempted to hop on the elliptical, but then I decided that, No, I would not. This is the weekend and weekends are meant to be "active" and different (even if I'm at the gym).
If I'm going to reach my weight loss goal, I need to look beyond all the emotion and just get back to basics. I think that's where my journey gets "muddled". I'm trying to work on emotional stuff AND weight loss at the same time and things get rather disordered trying to do too much at once.
Progress as of today: 39.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
sorry you are not feeling in the zone with your weight. remember, it takes time to lose what it takes moments to gain! lol. at least that's how it is with you and me, right? but it will come off. you are smart to eat the small meals and snacks. on the trip, i stuck with Meals Only. no snacks, except for flavored water almost everyday, a two liter bottle, and sometimes more. it was only lightly flavored, and the 2 liter bottle was like 200 cal. with all the sweating it was a good thing for me. however, now that i'm home, with all the food temptations, i fully intend on incorporating snacks back in right away. being on the trip, all the excitement, helped me ward off cravings or even from getting most cravings. however, my energy levels definitely were affected gravely.
i will be going to a psychologist today, first visit, in my adult life. aside from the time i went to one as a college student but never went back bc i was left with a sour impression. hopefully this visit will be better. just like you, i am going to hopefully "demuddle" my journey...
sending you love...
OK, here's the situation:
I know what I want to achieve.
I know how to do it.
But for some reason, I just can't get myself to do the hard work. I do pretty well during the day, and then at night I just fall apart and self-medicate with food.
It's kind of like holding my breath the whole day and then exhaling to the extreme at night.
And it's not as though I am restricting my calories during the day so that I eat and eat and eat at the end of the day out of hunger. That's not it at all.
I was thinking, if I could get my day to end at 7pm, I'd be doing great! (Some days though, it'd be nice if my day could end at 4:30p.)
So I'm not sure what's going on, but that's pretty much of where I'm at.
Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!
Have a good weekend......
Just keeping it real, over here... Not very happy with it.
Trying a new routine, with regards to exercise, which in turn has caused me to readjust my calorie level (lower). We'll see how it goes...
Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!
Hope you're doing well today!
Let me preface this entry by saying that I do not know what I weigh today. I am feeling extremely bloated and LARGE. I am extremely aware of the extra weight I am carrying around on my frame, and it is uncomfortable, to say the least.
However, I am not going to beat myself up about my setback, but rather pick myself up and keep trying.
You know, moods come and go. Life can be good; life can be hard. And even though I am not doing very well emotionally right now, I'm not going to let that derail my efforts THIS time.
So good or bad, happy or sad, laughter or tears, I'm putting my physical self back on track.
Progress as of today: 39.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
As for me, both baby! I find the walks and build them myself. I probably put some barb wire on top of them too. I am not smart and love a pity party. This needs to change now!
xoxo
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I understand EXACTLY what you are going through with the food!! Good for you for finding something else to do. Unfortunate days are so difficult. Fortunately they only last for one day :) Hang in there!!!
Horn_Of_Plenty on 07/26/2009:
hang in there is right. today was rough, but tomorrow could be much better. if you want it to be. :) tomorrow is Monday. take some time to think about what you are happy about, or what you have to be proud of in yourself.
MoodyMe on 07/26/2009:
You handled what seemed to be a stressful day emotionally VERY well...you should be very proud of yourself...
Frozen watermelon...never thought of that..it doesn't get mushy???
h82bfat on 07/27/2009:
You did good! My only suggestion would be to try to do something physical instead of watching tv - not that watching tv is a bad thing. It's just that between all the food & restaurant commercials, cooking shows and food reality shows on the air now - it can sometimes make you crave food even more, especially if you're already "down in the dumps". I know this from experience!
Try not to focuss on what the acquaintance said/did - focuss on the positive of what came out of that situation. And there WAS a positve. The positive was that you proved to yourself that you can take control and you didn't let it get the best of you. THAT is a step in the right direction - AND THAT is a POSITIVE!