Good morning! I've run out of time to post much, unfortunately. I hate mornings like this, when I feel rushed. However a couple of things to mention:
(1) Having about 3/4 cup of cottage cheese seemed to help calm me down yesterday. I had it as part of my lunch, but I think today, I will use it as my afternoon snack and see how that goes.
(2) Late last night, I was struggling HARD with myself. I wanted a dish of ice cream very badly, but to do so would have required quite a bit of effort. I thought of Maria on her Honey Bun Island, and felt like if I had had the ice cream, that I would be on my Ice Cream Float-Boat on the way to Honey Bun Island - LOL. I pictured a pontoon boat, but instead of floaters, it was scoops of ice cream, as I floated down the River of Self-Indulgence. I did NOT want to board the Ice Cream Float-Boat!
I had a nice chat with my Boss and the New Guy yesterday afternoon, how I'm feeling so tense and crabby by the end of the day, and that I don't like feeling that way. They gave me some pointers and suggestions, and I said I would work on it. Having this conversation really helped me, by bringing my problem to the table, and then finding ways to work on it. It would have been OK if they didn't suggest anything - just the fact that I mentioned it helped.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
Good morning! I started out this morning in a good place, and had a very good bike ride this morning. This has changed, due to things that I have written but since deleted, since it's not diet related, and we all have different opinions here.
Anyway, trying to get back on track...
Yesterday, I was keenly aware of that anxiety/stress that I feel in the afternoon that causes me to stress-eat. It starts around 2:30p and grows increasingly uncomfortable through 3:30p, possibly 4pm. I say "possibly" because at 3:30p, I reached for carrot sticks, which seemed to ... not do much damage. It didn't really SOLVE the problem but helped with minimal damage. So today I have celery AND carrot sticks.
Around this time - 3:00pm ish - is when I just seem to run out of steam. My patience is gone, my will to be at work is gone (i.e. I just want to go home), I have nothing left to offer anyone. This "mental fatigue" manifests itself in anxiety, which I seek to self-medicate to push through to 5pm.
I thought about bringing a little wine to work, to calm my nerves, but I don't want to go there. It just occurred to me that this is when I should make myself a cup of tea. I will try that FIRST today, instead of reaching for the celery and carrots.
So my goal is to remain mindful and aware in the afternoon and try the tea. There are other things I can try to, such as limit the phone calls I will accept. This is not always as easy at it seems to do, since this is a client-based business. My purpose is to be available to the clients -- but at what expense to my own sanity and well-being????
I had an awesome upper body weight session last night. Tonight is just cardio, which will be at home, unless I'm inspired to go to the gym for cardio. But no weights.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
Long ago, I used to have an Rx for Ativan, which worked, if I were at home.... Oh dear, I just don't know if I want to go down that road again.
But I hear you, and I thank you for the suggestion. I will keep this in my back pocket if I can't get a grip or if things get worse. Definitely if they get worse.
One of my kids had a worry stone that my mother gave him/her. I should look for that.
You have helpful suggestions to try. I have to keep trying until I find something that works.
So this is a good suggestion. I will make it a stipulation that if I feel weak in resisting work junk food, that I will (1) step away from my desk, AND (2) log on here, from my phone, and report myself to you all. (ha ha, that sounds like I'm turning myself in to the DD police squad or something)
yes, you have to work it out - limit things and learn how to be most "sane" in the afternoon. nobody will do it for you, not even a boss! ha!
btw, i also help my boss develop changes to he contract, we call them "mods," modifications. in the past, while working in estimating, there were riders and ammendments! seems you also work under "contracts," just like me!
Not that I want to get into the habit of bringing a slice of bread to work. I try hard to avoid bread. If I bring it from home, though, I will eat it.
I love working with contracts! Very good for my OCD tendencies.
Today is a new day, and my goal is to make it a good day, regardless of what happens to my files at work. That's THEIR lives, not mine. (Yesterday, by 9:33am, I had had my full share of stupid. What is it with people? Geez!)
I decided to eat more yesterday and not feel guilty about it. I'm still in search of a substantial afternoon snack to hold me and calm me. (Wait, food probably shouldn't be used to calm myself down, right?) I dipped into my emergency walnuts, had a small slice of bread that was leftover from a previous lunch, but finally had about 1/2 a cup of miscellaneous nuts from downstairs. Very oily and salty. WHY DO I EAT FOOD THAT THE BOSS BRINGS TO WORK??? THAT is something that needs to STOP, regardless of anything else. Seriously, it needs to be like the 11th Commandment or something that serious. Thou shall not eat foods provided by thy Boss.
I had trouble with yoga. I had trouble remembering the sequences of moves - thank goodness she repeats over and over the verbal cues, throughout the practice. I had problems balancing on one leg. I had a stretch that I think I pushed myself too hard on, because I was feeling a little twinge of dissatisfaction with my right hip, and this morning, I'm feeling more complaints from the right hip.
Tonight I am looking forward to working out at home. I've decided to work in some weight training at home during the work week and then weights at the gym on the weekends. It's OK for me to be a weekend warrior at the gym; it's forgiveable if I don't make full useage of my gym membership at this time. So tonight is some kind of cardio to warm up - say 30 minutes or so, and then upper body weights, with my dumbbells, etc.
Depending on how this morning goes and our weather (rain expected), I may run errands at lunchtime rather than go for a walk. That's OK.
I am bringing some protein foods to work to help me through the afternoon. Also, going to bring some chamomile tea and something called "Lemon Lift" tea, to see if either one will help with my nerves in the afternoon. I seem to do well when my morning snack is fruit. And finally, I'm bringing some raw carrots to munch on if the stress eating urge becomes unbearable.
I think I have a good plan for today.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
I am somewhat chagrined to admit I was introduced to the recumbent bike in an assisted living facility where the MIL once resided. No one much used it, always unoccupied when we visited, so I often left the MIL’s room & her incessant whiling and rode that bike and talked to a cute old man. He was nearly 90 & had many good stories to tell.
We all used to eat in the lunchroom together. A few years ago, when I was going through a terribly stressful time, all of my co-workers ganged up on me and complained to the boss about me. After that, I vowed never to eat lunch in the lunchroom again. I've pretty much held to that.
so back to that...i find a chocolate or two (depending how big) and a drink will calm me at work in that 3pm or so hour that i have left until i leave at 4. you may want your snack around close to 4pm if you leave at 5...just some carbs to make you smile and then you are going home. and just use the bathroom before you leave, too. makes me happy during that last hour.
honestly it sucks your boss brings that crap to work but you should eat it if you are tempted, just take a few bites of muffins and the like, throwing the rest out. eat as much from one muffin as it would be of a granola bar. just make the food swaps and you will be OK! and it's free. you willl just need something to drink to fill your stomach if you are having a snack from the boss' treats bc it would be just a few bites and then you could just throw it - the rest i mean - away.
you could always ask the boss to order a veggie or fruit tray.??? - just an idea, idk if this is possible to ask.
lemon lift sounds good. i may get back to teas one day, but not yet. they are so healthy, but i haven't been in the mindset even during the early and mid pandemic to actually do it, not sure why!
lastly, i'm doing some home workout tonight too...just a little bc i don't have it in me to push too much.
I did have a very good upper body workout last night!
Happy Monday! (Well... not really, but here we are anyway.)
Thank you all for your comments to my recent entry (entries). I have made comments. :-)
I must remember to remain calm at work, not to feel overwhelmed by the number of emails and new contracts. I think I will ask that all calls go to voicemail until noon.
Tonight is yoga, and so I consider today/tonight to be kind of my "rest" day, even though yoga can be challenging. So after yoga, I will start preparing for bedtime, starting with evening chores (litterboxes, take the garbage cans out to the curb, etc.), and then shower and go to bed.
I'm somewhat bothered that Male Co-Worker has started to attend church in person again. I will have to ask him what precautions his church is doing;I will do this in a subtle, non-confrontational way. Mostly, I just want to know for myself, so that I know what he's being exposed to. He's been vaccinated, but he can still catch the virus. And the picture of the pastor he posted on Facebook - not wearing a mask. OMG...
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
Do your best to protect yourself regarding co-worker attending church; you can't control how other people in your office are going to spend their time and where that might happen.
Good morning! I slept in this morning, almost 9 hours of sleep! But I had waken up a few times during the night. At one point, I woke up with my neck in a lot of pain - Yikes! I adjusted my pillow and my position and fell back asleep. I don't have pain this morning in my neck, thank goodness. My left hip is feeling a little sore, not sure why - maybe from the gym? I can't see why, since I did upper body weights yesterday.
I belong to a body-building group on Facebook, and I recently read a post from a woman who said that once she started focusing on weight training, she didn't care what the scale said any more. How wonderful to have this freedom!
So I've been thinking of making some changes, since what I'm currently doing isn't really working. However, what did I do this morning? Same ol' workout, same ol' breakfast. Oh how HARD it is for me to change my habits. When I'm in my comfort zone, I don't like to move from there. Even if that "comfort zone" becomes slightly uncomfortable, I'll stay there and make it work.
The problem with me making changes is that I do try to make changes, and then the scale goes up! Or I get really weird readings varying up to a 1.5 pound difference! The scale is becoming an unreliable source of reward (positive re-inforcement), and yet, isn't this what this is all about?
The weather is one of the nicest days in our area today, so I will be filling up my birdfeeders, and hooking up the exterior garden hose, so that Husband can clean off the garage floor from the winter salt.
I do plan to go to the gym, perhaps this afternoon - hoping that it will be emptier than usual, while people are away enjoying the outdoors. Will I take an outdoor walk myself?
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
Well, maybe that's what I need, so that I have to live with the change, as uncomfortable as that might be. Ugh... I have to think this through a little more. I can't think about it right now.
We go through a 40 pd sack of wild bird seed every week. A Walmart staple.
OK, I don't feel so bad going through the bird seed like I do, then.
This is not a chore that Husband can do, due to the bending over and such. Also, it's kind of a tacit deal that we have that I do most of the cat clean-up. I wanted the cats, so I clean them up.
I may only do 1 box this next weekend - taking them in order of necessity - so that it's not such an overwhelming chore. That's a good idea, thanks!
you shouldn't have to be as resistant as you were in your initial weightloss because now you know of alternatives and ways to not binge like initially. you should be a little better at not bingeing than you were at the VERY BEGINNING. try to use all the helpful things - teas, coffee, but with a chocolate or snack. try to include the things that were once off limits, but then you have to fit them in...you can't just indulge and lose weight, but, you can fit things in and eat your veggies at meals to balance out...i'm saying nothing needs to be restricted or totally off limits.
when i had the chemical process done to my hair this week, i wasn't sleeping well...the smell and all...and also the stress of work had me waking up like you are in the middle of the night...i think i'm passed it now, i'm glad you were able to sleep 9 hours...
...i was reaading about a lady that is the oldest lady in the world in Japan at 116 yrs old...she attributes it to sleep and her family! ha!
therefore, you do not need so many cchanges, just far less , smaller changes...much less. stick with what you like and know works, try to have smaller pieces of cake / pie and fill up on tea / coffee with the food. that's how i do it. small granola bar, and drink with it (especially at work, drinking liquids with food helps me gREATLY)
you do NOT need to be pushing yourself out of your comfort zone all the time...it's taking SMALL steps. not frustrating large ones.
you want to do it all at once, but you do not have to!
good idea of a swap from wrap to oats. if you swap to oats, your breakfast will be more voluminous. i think it'd be good to either have the pb or an egg with the oats or after when you are hungry again, as the oats may be very filling at the time if you also have coffee.
i tend to not be able to do very voluminous breakfasts at work because i get gassy and don't do well using public bathrooms since they are right near people's workstations at work! but if you can "pooooop," then i encourage the oats! :)
cool thing is oats have same calories as the wrap, but lots more volume.
if you want to make the oats with regular types of milk, like 2% milk, then you will stay fuller longer than if no protein in the oats. then, you can have the egg/pb later or any snack really...if you can hold out to almost lunch, i'd say a dark chocolate is also something small to shoot you over to lunch! :) ha!
Good morning! Happy Spring! I almost missed the fact that it's the first day of Spring today! I've got so much chaos swarming around me, that I'm missing what's important to me. I'm losing - or I've lost - my focus.
The scale says I lost 2 pounds, but I'm still feeling bloated in my stomach. I've been able to eat red meat this week, so my appetite has returned. I'm wondering if it's excess stomach acid from stress that's causing this sensation. You would think that this unpleasant heaviness in my middle would stop me from eating, but it doesn't. It's like an automatic response that happens without me even thinking it: Stressed out = eat food. I suppose its an inate reaction, but I can't seem to be focused or mindful enough to steer away from that route.
Also, you would think that because I'm wearing a mask all day at work, that it would keep me from eating. (Hard to eat while wearing a face mask.) But it doesn't!
When I had originally lost the 50 pounds, I was able to focus enough on resisting foods. I didn't let the work stress or family stress deter me. It's not working this time.
We found out this week that my husband has indicators that he has Celiac's Disease, meaning that he's got to modify his diet to exclude foods with gluten. He took a blood test on Friday, so we should have the results this coming up week.
Well, if I can maintain my focus enough, I plan to enjoy this weekend and do things that make me happy or at least content.
EVENING EDIT: Went to the gym this afternoon with my daughter. Because the weather is nice today, the gym was not too crowded. However, what we DID have was people taking up 2 weight machines at a time, while they did their routine. So, one guy would alternate between 2 machines. Except that it wasn't just ONE guy, it was a few guys. So Daughter and I left without doing the ab machines, but that's because all 3 of the machines had personal property on them - indicating they were being used. Enjoyed some time in the steam room and came home.
Now I'm about to have a nice salmon dinner with my husband and enjoy an evening of British mysteries and folding & putting away laundry.
Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
nobody could give me what i have been needing, which is your comment, quite literally.
other people, a monthly call with therapist last night - gave me suggestions. as well as my mom - and those suggestions were mostly what i had in my mind anyways but the therapist and my mom where able to making me see things a little clearer, especially the therapist - she's fantastic. i don't know her by face, only phone calls, it's a cool deal from my insurance offered to people who's "health profile meets having these monthly nurse calls opportunity."
also, i haven't caught up on you diaries yet.
The ironic thing about a bad boss is that they don't realize that they are actually hindering their own team, but not being a better boss. I wish I had a solution for your situation. I suppose you could do a self-evaluation of your procedures. Perhaps try to think outside of the box? Or just say that you've got too much other, more important stuff going on in your life right now, so deal with it Mr. Boss.
Mistakes Girl usually acknowledges her mistakes and then just keeps on doing what she's doing. I think that's actually a healthy perspective.
I just need to short-circuit that automatic response to turn to food. That will be my tool.
it did smell nice. it underccooked, i may have to cook it more, used coconut milk instead of evap / condensed milk. it's ok. :) may have needed one more egg.
being in union 10 years, i am entitled to 3 weeks, not the two that is up to 7 years in union. damn - sorry you only get two weeks. that's harsh. i also get 5 sick days that if you don't take, you can opt to get paid for at the end of the cycle year.
i was at times slightly below 110 like a month ago, i think my weight may be back up, because i've also had many days that are 2100 or so...higher days i mean.
it's been fun enjoying a variety of foods, bigger variety than ever, it became possible to do this as i learn to be more and more moderate...and keep weightlifting / working to add some cardio.
Well... I would have to chalk up yesterday as an eating failure. I was doing OK, until after dinner, when I overindulged in some heavy whipping cream that I had whipped up and froze. Ended up eating the whole container. Damn... (sorry, Maria)
No gym last night. Ended up mopping all the floors and that took a whole hour of my evening time. I was exhausted from work, came home and had to unload the dishwasher, after eating dinner, had to mop up the floors. Rode the bike for a little bit. Then proceeded to eat the whipped cream.
Thank goodness it's Friday. I know that this weekend will just fly by, but I definitely need time away from real estate. Unfortunately, with the weather being nice, there may be extra work to do, since the cat boxes - all 5 of them - need to be emptied, rinsed, cleaned, dried, and refilled. That is a LOT of work. And there's nothing to say that if Kitty has problems, that I might have to mop the floors again. Oh my...
We'll see what this week's weigh-in will be. Last night's eating won't help none, but this is not a good number to be at, and I'm tired of struggling here.
Progress as of today: 39 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
Something in my brain bypasses that and thinks, "Me want cookie" This happens at work, at home (like with the frozen cream), etc.
Can't focus on my goals!
How on earth is is NOT Friday yet???
I was all set to write that my stomach problems seem to be resolving themselves, as I had chicken for dinner last night, except that my stomach is doing flips this morning. It's not preventing me from eating, but I feel like there's a lot of churning going on in my middle. Still, I will take leftover chicken for lunch.
The Boss joined a gym on Tuesday night, so I guess he realized he's gained weight, as was so obvious to me when we got the pictures from the office photo shoot. So yesterday, he brings in an apple coffeecake and St. Patrick's Day iced butter cookies. I took 2 cookies home, one for my daughter and one to share with my husband, which we did. Boss was pressuring me to partake of the coffeecake, but I don't like coffeecake, and especially NOT the ones from this particular bakery, as they have a layer of cake (sponge cake) as a filler, so that it looks like there's more fruit than there really is. Coffeecake is a pastry dough, not a cake dough. A streudel not a Swedish flop.
I did not go to the gym Tuesday (exhausted from work) nor yesterday (wanted to chill out at home, and then many chores to take care of). I have been thinking about going tonight, but I think I will not go, and instead mop the floors, ahead of the weekend.
Thinking that I would make it to the gym this week, I haven't done any weights at home this week, either. Ugh... Well, maybe a work-week off is a good idea.
Progress as of today: 39 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
i feel like it's THE neverending week! yes.
let's celebrate once tomorrow is here!
I'm not sure what happened yesterday, but I never heard my alarm go off. I'm awake, lying in bed, decide to look at my Fitbit watch and see that I'm an hour late!
This morning, quite like the past 2 nights, I've been waking up way too early (like 2am, 3am) and just lying in bed "awake", except that I must drift off, because the next time I look at my watch, 45 minutes has passed. Still, it does not feel like I've drifted back to sleep; it feels like I've been lying there awake.
When I finally got out of bed - heard my alarm this time - I came down to coffee all over the countertop. I must not have set it up properly last night.
Despite having prepared a week in advance for the time change, I have not adapted well. This is the worst year yet. I find myself missing the darkness from the previous time - which is rather uncharacteristic of me (I'm a Leo). Although... sometimes, when cats are injured or sick or unhappy, they will hide in dark places, too.
Stomach still isn't quite right.
EVENING EDIT: I weighed or measured most of my food today and found that I took in 1771 calories. I'm actually quite surprised, because I thought I was being more restrained in eating that I actually was.
I could easily have eaten more, to feel satisfied. I was so tempted to have a glass of wine before/with dinner, but I didn't because I knew I was counting calories.
I cannot imagine cutting calories more and being able to cope with what I have to deal with daily.
Progress as of today: 39 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
try not to be too distressed about the middle of the night / very early morning accidental wakeups...if you get to aggrivated over it, it will just stress you even more and you will just have even more problems with the sleep / wake thing!
but i'm glad you write it, at least you do not have to keep these bothers to yourself, which is even worse!
i can understand you missing the darkness...you were used to it...
Still trying to work out my stomach issues. I feel a little better today. That is to say, at least the idea of eating meat seemed feasible, and the morning coffee is actually enjoyable today.
Went to the gym yesterday and did upper body weights. This was not the best workout. On some exercises I had to reduce the weight and by the 7th rep, I felt like my brain was going to explode or stroke out. I had no temperature, and felt OK aside from my stomach and my head. Weird. It was a nice day outside, though, so the gym was practically empty.
Today is still nice, but not AS nice, weather-wise. I don't know if I will go to the gym today. If I do, it will be lower body weights.
My attempt to adjust to the turning of the clocks did not go as well as I had planned. Even though I worked up to the change, I did stay up a little too late last night, and then getting up on time today was just not happening. I slept in until 7:30am. Thank goodness this wasn't a work day!
I've done all my weekend chores, and I think this afternoon, I will do 1-2 loads of daughter's laundry. Just wash & dry for her.
I'm getting my haircut today. Time to chop off the COVID growth and return to a length that works better for me.
Progress as of today: 39 lbs lost so far, only 12.5 lbs to go!
Glad you’re feeling a little better & here’s hoping it gets better yet.
I know how when you aren't feeling well physically, it's a mental slam in the face too, i could relate to that.
bland foods certainly work best for stomach upsets.
nice job going to the gym as an "out" to feel better, not every workout will be 100%, but it shows you have gusto and a passion for exercise and well being to still show up.
LOL, i totally missed it with adjusting to the clocks and was late by just over a half hour today! OOPS!
i cannot wait to see your haircut! I've been starting to want one, too, but i plan to get it processed with straightening again towards more of the warmer weather when it's humid so that my hair will stay straight even on "bad hair days" bc of heat and humidity...so i'm going to push and wait to get the haircut the same day as i get the treatment done...i guess that would be around June - really, you know my hair is short, i may just do a trim in the back this week, but really waiting till June to get a real cut / style per se!...i will take off a lot of my hair in the back, but keep it longer in the front is the real cut i want, around June, taking the hair off my neck area.
i cannot wait to see your cut! :) Please show it off.
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Well your day yesterday sounds like it was very successful! At least 3 issues dealt with....win...win!
I agree - I had the feeling that a plan was coming together. It's a great feeling!
Maria7 on 03/25/2021:
I laughed when I read about your Ice Cream Float-Boat on the way to Honey Bun Island....HAHAHAHA!!! Thanks for writing that! I needed a good laugh today! Wonderful that you did not give in! Btw, I am still here on Honey Bun Island. Thought I was going to get off of it yesterday but didn't. No, you do not want to come here. You should see the animals here...they are all very big, eating all these sweet carbs! Good you had a chat with your Boss and New Guy. I know that released some tension as well as good communication goes a long way and hopefully this will help things to be much better from here on. So proud of you! Hope you day today is a good one! HUGS!
I had a small dish of ice cream for dessert after dinner, to show myself that yes, I can have ice cream, under appropriate circumstances. I think it worked. I'm hoping it worked. I do not want to board the Float-Boat tonight.
innerpeace on 03/25/2021:
Clever!! Good for you for not getting on board! BRAVO!
Thank you! I'm trying to keep things in perspective, with moderation. Trying is the key word.
Horn_of_plenty on 03/25/2021:
with contracts, i'm only working on the payment part, not really with them i guess...my boss does the real contract work! haha, i think you'd get along ok...except he thinks he's smarter than everyone! (he specifically told me this is his flaw hahahaha!)
great idea with the cottage cheese. i do know that cheese and stuff will work out better than a chocolate which wears off in an hour...but i like it that way for now...
def use maria and the others here as guidance and ways to help you...also use your own experiences...do not forgot all you have learned about yourself on what works!
i know what you mean about bringing up how you feel at work on certain workloads or situations ... it can help to not keep it all inside your head, it can be so stressful. now you keep your head high and keep on.
Something about cheese calms me down.
Horn_of_plenty on 03/25/2021:
i commented back on my entry to your comment :)..answered an old question i think i forgot to answer awhile back.