Happy Easter! I am glad that it is sunny with a few clouds (beautiful) and not SO chilly, but I would not call it warm by any means. It's a good Easter morning.
I went to the gym, and the usual Elliptial Ladies weren't there today. Gym was *just* starting to get busier when I left. I have a load of cat laundry (Baby Kitty has a UTI) and I still have to fold and put away my own laundry. I plan to do this in about an hour while watching Father Brown (a mystery show on PBS). Daughter said she might like to go hiking today. I do not know if Husband is up to this, but if he is, I hope he comes along too.
So yes, Son's car is back home. It's covered in a heavy dust, from the long road trip (on a full-length auto carrier -- carrying his car and 1 other pick-up truck, and that's it). We have it in the garage, and sometime this week, it will get washed. I still have not yet approached the car or sat in it. Daughter sat in it for a while last night, I'm told. I think I would like to do the same, too.
I felt a sense of peace, though, with the car home. The only stuff left that hasn't been returned to us is Son's phone & computer guts, which were removed from the computer CPU case. OK, whatever. I felt a sense of peace, but I had very vivid, unpleasant dreams with Son in them. Still, it was nice to have dreams with Son in them. I suppose that dreams will be the only connection I have with him now.
Eating was not good yesterday. Well, I take that back. I drank more water, which was good. I did well with eating until after dinner. Husband kind of wanted to be alone, after dealing with the car delivery, and I guess I did too. So instead of drinking more water, or perhaps folding & putting away laundry, I decided to watch reruns of Columbo on TV and eat candy & granola. Went to bed, with a body battery down to 19. Had the dreams I wrote about...
It was so helpful to repot plants yesterday. They all separated quite well & easily. I realized, too, that I have too many plants for now. I need to find a better way to organize them, perhaps with a multi-level plant stand or 2, Some of them need a good trimming too, which will help. I didn't do any triming over the winter.
And I think I will be ready for Zoom yoga in May. I feel ... well, I won't say closure, because is that even possible? But I do feel a sense of reconciliation., which I think is appropriate for this Easter.
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
I knew it would be a bad weigh-in. Overdid the chocolate at work, and then came home and had 3 pieces of cake & ice cream for dessert. But I think I'm kind of done with birthday cake & ice cream until the next birthday in July. I do not think that we will get any cake & ice cream for Son's birthday on Monday.
I did not want to start the day today. I could not get myself out of bed until after 7am, even though I was awake shortly before 5am. Yes, I was very tired from last night (body battery was down to 8/100), but there was also some dread about today. But eventually the day had to start.
We are expecting Son's car today. This actually works out OK, because then I won't have to miss any work, and I will have the remainder of the weekend to process everything. We talked about it yesterday and decided that the car will stay in the garage until we can get the title transferred, which will take the Secretary of State a few weeks to do. I am 99% certain we will sell it, but can't make any promises until it's here and I see it.
Speaking of cars, I had a very low, almost flat tire yesterday at work. So not only was I exhausted, sad, foggy, tired, stressed, but then I had a tire to worry about. Turns out that it was a cheap and easy repair. I was able to pick up the car after work on the same day for under $50. But it was like, "Lord, what else would You like me to carry?"
Anyway, I'm determined to get back on track. One thing I've noticed BIG TIME is that I am not drinking enough water during the day. I believe that this is a HUGE contributor to sugar cravings, overeating, etc. Whenever the water is down, the weight is up. So I'll start with that, a very easy step to take. I can do that.
I am in the middle of 2 loads of laundry. I plan to go to the gym for a quick cardio session. I plan to repot some plants today, or at least try. It's a container with like 7 different kinds of plants, that I want to separate into their own pots. I know it won't be easy, but I'd like to try to do this.
I may walk outside today; it's sunny, but chilly. Not ideal. And I walked over 3 miles yesterday during my lunch, so I'm good on the walking miles. I plan to work out legs today at home.
Progress as of today: 43 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!
if you don't want to take the day off, you don't have to.
What a mess... And I ate too much cake last night, so I'm sure the scale will be very hostile this weigh-in. I weighed in at 144 at the doctor's office. Bleah...
So the doctor's appointment: Essentially, more bloodwork and a 24-hour urine collection test. to confirm that my levels are high. The doctor said that my previous blood panel results were askew but not consistent. OK, I agree with getting more tests, but the urine testing will probably mean a day at home, because there's collection stuff to keep in the bathroom, and then the collection container (jug) that has to be refrigerated. I'm not sure how everyone would feel about having a jug of pee in the lunchroom refrigerator. And then I'd have be bringing the urine stuff up and down the stairs throughout the day.
Mistakes Girl had to do this, to test for pregnancy diabetes, and she said for sure to stay home. I'm testing for calcium levels in the urine. IDK, what do you all think?
The lab was way too busy, so I'll do the blood work on Son's birthday, which I'm taking off from work anyway, so I'll have all the time to wait my turn. A pee test day would be another day off... And we think that Son's car will be arriving next week, too, so that would be more time off. Not good, especially with Male Co-Worker taking a week's vacation next week.
When I got to work, I ran into the Replacement. Young, very pretty. No real estate experience, starting at 2 days a week to "see how it works out". Well, I can tell you right now, that's not a good start. It is REALLY hard to keep track when you are not at the office every day; I feel lost after taking one day off. Imagine how it would feel to only come in Mondays and Thursdays. Plus, it's hard to retain what you've learned by coming in only a couple of days a week. Add to this that I don't think Mistakes Girl is a good trainer. One should take steps when learning anything new. Start out easy and slow, and build on that. But they don't want me training anybody, so there you go.
By the end of the workday, all I wanted to do was to drown myself in cake. It was a really bad day for a lot of us. Husband and Daughter had to to go to the DMV to work on title transfer for Son's car, and nobody likes going to the DMV, I'll tell you that. New Gal was off at work (yay!) but she left a lot of things undone, and New Guy, Mistakes Girl, and Male Co-Worker spent a LOT of time trying to figure out if stuff she was supposed to have done actually got done. No one will say anything to New Gal though. Nope. No accountability whatsoever.
I could not muster up the energy to do lower body weights last night. I could not find the energy or motivation to walk on the treadmill this morning. Just sad and tired... and these feelings grew heavier as the day got longer.
I'm so glad that the Boss will be gone for most of today. He's taking the Wife to a family Easter celebration downstate. They had a huge fight about missing Easter eggs the other night. He says that's why he can't spend more time at home. What he doesn't realize is that if he stayed at home, he could catch these tiffs before they had time to fester and grow into big huge fights.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
The doctor asks me: Do you have achy bones, nausea & upset stomach, mood swings? --- Um, for like the past 20 years!!! (except for the nausea) I honestly thought that all of this stuff was/is due to estrogen/progesterone relating to the menstrual cycle.
for me, i'm not sure. but i don't think i'd be able to put the pee in the frig....
for son's car, can't your hubby handle that while you are at work? (unless you PREFER to be home?)
they prob don't want you training anyone bc you are good at actually producing outcomes / getting work done...'
when you get very sad/tired, it may be time just to get a longer period of sleep at night...it's very restorative.
I have a college dorm mini-fridge in the basement that I could probably use, depending on the size of the collection container. You make a good point.
I think there are 2 reasons they don't want me training anyone: in the past, I've been very particular and impatient in what we expect as a product, and #2, I do things the way the Boss likes them done, and New Guy (because of the demographics of his clients) does things a little differently.
But I feel that reason #1 is no longer valid, since I no longer have ANY expectation of a superior work product.
Getting started early this morning, for the doctor's appointment at 8:40a, and they want me there 15 minutes early. Plus I have to find the medical building, then the actual building, the floor, and the office.
The birthday celebration last night was nice, but I felt sad through it, too. Her birthday emphasizes that we won't be celebrating Son's birthday on Monday. It was nice, though, that her boyfriend came for dinner and cake. He shares a lot of geeky interests with Husband, so they had a lot to talk about. (Almost too much -- I think my Husband is very lonely.)
I ate a moderate dinner, because I knew I would have cake and ice cream afterwards. Husband bought TWO cakes - completely unnecessary - because he thought that the main one he bought wouldn't be enough. So now we have all of this cake leftover. We have leftover ice cream too, but that is easier to resist, since it can be frozen, out of the way, and keep. Well, I guess I could freeze the cake too. IDK.
So I'm going to the doctor today and so is Baby Kitty! She's been urinating blood for the past 1-2 days, so it's either a UTI or crystals in her urinary tract. This cat, I tell ya... it's a good thing she's cute.
PS Did upper body weights - a little lighter, but 4 sets of 20 each - last night. Will try to do legs tonight, but my leg muscles felt so heavy with fatigue this morning. Hormones...
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
Can you post a picture of Baby Kitty?
I forgot what the endocrinologist thing was about. Hope you’re ok.
For Son's birthday... I dunno. He really liked Oreo ice cream... but I'm not sure this would be a good idea. It will be a terribly sad day (for me at least), and I'm not sure I want that paired with a particular food.
what types of cake were they?
She likes chocolate frosting, yellow cake. Problem is, it's Easter, so the choices were nil. We ended up with a round, single-layer marble cake (yellow & chocolate) with chocolate frosting, and then a smaller quartersheet (?) triple layered dark chocolate cake w dark chocolate frosting. Decadent.
Today is warm, but dark & cloudy with rain & storms coming later. Not very uplifting, but at least it'll be a free car wash.
I want to say that yesterday was a "good day", but it really wasn't. But, there were some good things in it:
Tonight I plan to do upper body weights, I think, if I'm up to it. Had the usual bike ride, and then a nice walk on the treadmill.
Boiled a couple of eggs for the added protein for my morning snack. However, I just realized that if we are getting midday storms, I will most likely try to take my lunchtime walk earlier, say 11:30am, and then just eat at my desk while I work.
Oh, we're celebrating Daughter's birthday tonight, with a pasta dinner and then cake & ice cream, which Daughter and Boyfriend shopped for last night, I think -- I see no signs of cake anywhere, but that's OK. It was a relief for me not to have celebrated yesterday, on her actual birthday.
PS I wrote answers on Monday's entry regarding my lunchtime walks. It was nice to talk about how beneficial these walks are for me, after reading your questions and comments. Thank you!
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
also, sounds like a really nice night for you all celebrating your daughter's bday!
oh, i've been getting back into eggs. they are a good, low cal, tasty supplement!
It helped to have that delay in celebrating the birthday. I'm not entirely sure WHY.
See my comment to Jacky regarding eggs: nice for a change, but wouldn't want them every day.
Very short on time this morning, due to cleaning up and picking up.
I did well with eating and steps yesterday. I ate an extra banana, from the fruit stash at work (that the Boss brought in). This made me realize that I probably need something a little more substantial for my morning snack -- something with protein in it. Other than that, I did pretty OK. My aunt sent me a fruit basket and there were cookies, chocolates, and gummies in there. I had 3 of the little cookies, because 4-5 was 140 calories per serving size (according to the packaging). I gotta have that little sweet after dinner, I guess. I wanted more but resisted eating anything else.
Did not do weights last night, and probably will not do them tonight, because of the Zoom support group -- presuming I receive a link for the meeting.
Today is Daughter's birthday, and I won't see her at all today. She is spending the day with her boyfriend and going out with friends at night. Our party will be tomorrow night. Actually, I'm OK with this. I'm finding it a little difficult to celebrate anything right now, and the mix of grief group and birthday wouldn't go well together at all (LOL).
The "interview" that we all thought was happening yesterday was actually just a marketing lunch with a title company sales rep. So we're still back to "doing nothing" about finding a replacement for Mistakes Girl.
The Boss left at 2pm yesterday, and I'm wondering if this is the beginning of him pulling back more. He won't leave early on his own, but if he has a grandchild to pick up from school, he WILL leave for that. This is something that I suggested about a year ago -- doing this about 3-4 times a week.
Having him gone did make the afternoon easier, but I was not able to leave early. Came home to find that Baby Kitty had made a big mess in Son's room (Husband went in there to find the title to his car and didn't realize she had gotten in the room, closed the door & left).
And so family was kind enough to leave a HUGE pile of laundry for me to do. No words for that... just no words...
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
Happy Birthday to your daughter......
I guess Baby Kitty didn't have much choice...when you gotta go, you gotta go......
I like doing laundry BUT...That kind of mess...not so much.
Hope your daughter's day goes well, and yes you're right about it likely not mixing well with grief group. And focusing on you today is okay too!
Sorry to hear about Baby Kitty's predicament. Nothing to be done I suppose but clean it up. How nice that it was left to you to do *sarcasm*, but hopefully it won't happen again. I would not enjoy doing that type of laundry either!
This went well.
I have 2 big litter boxes for 4 cats. My oldest cat, at least 15, deposited a humongous dump while I was cleaning one. Dang! Does freshly deposited cat poop ever stink! Fortunately, it was warm enough to open the window to the outside enclosure. They will never poop or P outside, only in the litter boxes.
But as others have pointed out, if you're locked in a room and can't get out and have to go, then you go. I was more upset with my Husband for being clumsy, unaware, and careless. (This is a venting of emotions; I know he didn't mean it.)
nice that tonight isn't the family celebration of daughter and that's tomorrow. kinda makes it much easier on your schedule. :)
lol, send those gummies to me, just kidding.
maybe it was eating gummies and sugar that caused the gum above my tooth to get inflamed..it is going down and getting better. i'm using Tea Tree Oil! strong stuff.
Husband and I found a most delightful local (relatively) walking path yesterday! I would love to go back there again, as there were a couple of alternative trails that I would like to try out. I think it helped both of us fill the day in a positive way, togther. I'm not sure how Husband does during the week, since I have work to fill my time, but weekends are harder...
We are having a couple of days of warmer temperatures, so I hope to take a longer lunchtime walk today. I don't know if I'll do weights tonight, but my main focus today is to get through the workday without veering off track with eating.
Let's see how much work drama there is today...
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
There is the "old" downtown -- little shops and such -- that is by the commuter train station, but it's too far to walk there. It would take my whole lunch hour just to walk to that area, with no time to walk around, if that makes sense.
Besides, I'd rather be with the mature trees.
Today is Palm Sunday...
Thank goodness it is sunny and relatively warmer today - what a difference the sun makes. I hope to get outside today for a walk. Husband suggested a trail walk for today, but I sense that my Husband may have changed his mind.
Also, I have to call my mom today, since she wants an update.
I went to the gym this morning and plopped myself down on MY elliptical, which is sandwiched between 2 other elliptical machines that "belong" to 2 other Sunday morning regulars - forget that social distancing shtuff, I guess. Then I went and did a few weight machines, something I haven't done in a while. I'm glad I did - it felt good - but I also found myself getting very annoyed with other people.
Yesterday's eating was only OK. Not the best nutritional choices (got deli sandwiches to take home) but no food fits. My food issues are two-fold: Quantity and Quaility. I guess this is nothing unique or new, but the struggle is REAL, that's for sure.
Remember that appointment with an endocrinlogist I struggled with months ago? That appointment is this week, Thursday. That seems so unimportant now, but I'll still go.
Also, I believe that They (Boss & New Guy) are interviewing someone on Monday, as a "lunch".
No Zoom yoga on Monday, Zoom Grief Support on Tuesday, Daughter's birthday celebration on Wednesday, endocrinologist on Thursday -- what an exciting week ahead...
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
Nice job on fitness, also rest when you need it (sleep I mean!)
It was difficult to face the scale today. I knew it wouldn't be too good. I had some food difficulties at work, thanks to a big, beautiful chocolate cake.
Progress as of today: 45 lbs lost so far, only 8.5 lbs to go!
that's why i don't enjoy cake as much as the smaller treats, nobody eats a piece of cake the size of two cookies...lol
then again, the cake part of cake is not the issue is it; it's the icing! lol
have a nice sunday!
Well, I was right - yesterday was very hard. Harder than I thought it would be. The shipment was very small, but a nice young man unpacked the truck - it was the only shipment in the truck. No one from the AF had attended, as we had been promised, but actually, that was OK.
Afterwards, I stayed home for a bit, had lunch with husband (ate too much), and then went to work.
I wrote of this before, about second-guessing myself in some of the decisions that we made, and yesterday was no exception. I think that I regret not requesting more of his stuff, specifically, his civilian clothing. I guess we thought that it would be too hard to have to go through his clothing, to donate or discard, perhaps? And that could have been true.... but it would have been nice, I think, to hold some of his shirts, maybe...
But as my Boss told me later, it's not good to start second-guessing yourself. I guess not.
While I was out, Male Co-Worker told me that he was about to confront the Boss about the trip to the ER Tuesday night, when the Boss' daughter called on the phone, speaking very LOUDLY that she was VERY upset that she JUST heard - from her HUSBAND - that Boss was in the ER two nights ago. Ya think??!!??
So long story short, the Boss has a follow-up cardiologist appointment this afternoon, to check for blockages, I guess. His daughter is connected in the medical circles, so this is a different cardiologist. If Boss went to his regular cardiologist, he'd have to wait until the end of May to get an appointment -- because the doctor is so overbooked. Perhaps the appointment will take all afternoon, and I could go home early. Wouldn't that be nice...
I remember talking to my Son a couple of years ago, to encourage him to eat & train better, and not to drink alcohol, which he was starting to do more of. My purpose was to encourage him to help himself be able to operate optimally at his job and to do well for himself. Yet, this was a struggle for him. And I see in my Boss, too, that he needs to do SO much more to take care of his health, but he doesn't.
I was reflecting on this last night, realizing that I too struggle with this -- of course, for me, it's mostly just the eating part.
Progress as of today: 47 lbs lost so far, only 6.5 lbs to go!
Hugs.
we all struggle. we can do better.
remember, you do not have to be perfect in eating (or any other part of your life). this is something i remind myself about lately too. by allowing the treats and wiggle room, things become more manageable.
[ Previous Page 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 Next Page ]
Hugs. That is intense!!!! You are doing a good job of being gentle with yourself and not getting too run down at bedtime.
bearcountrygg on 04/17/2022:
You are doing a very good job of handling all of this.......I know the car has been a concern and with possibly one last delivery....hopefully it will get easier. You might have found the best time to go to the gym but them again...with it being a holiday...it probably had to do with that. I wish I had your green thumb......you seem to know just how to take care of plants.....me...not so much...if plants would only tell me they need water or food...I think I would be fine with them...LOL
Maria7 on 04/17/2022:
One day at a time... You are doing the best you can in handling this and that is all anyone can do. I know it is not easy. Hugs to you!
horn_of_plenty on 04/17/2022:
Happy Easter! glad you made it to the gym, seriously, go you!
next, baby kitty...so this is a young cat that is always sick right? sorry..
that is nice to dream of your son and remember him that way. <3 i'm glad the car has been returned, as well.
like Bear and the others say; this is a difficult time for you and you are handling it as well as you can, i see. You are doing well.
Maybe plan to have more veggies at home and/or low cal options or plan to have more snacking in the evening...either way, you'll get thru this time and be able to refocus as time goes by and as the weather improves - making it easier for you to be outside.
Yes, Baby Kitty is the cat that has all of the health problems.
I agree that to have a supply of fruits and vegetables is a good idea. I need to redirect my thoughts to those, rather than other things in the pantry. Also, I should not be afraid (?) to heat up a bag of frozen vegetables. Or to boil up a couple of eggs. Much better choices than candy, chocolate, etc.