Trying to stay current and accountable here on DD...
I don't feel as fat as I am. I feel as I felt when I was in the mid to low 140's, but I know that I am in the mid to upper 150's. This is what I weighed when I was in high school -- and felt fat. This is what I weighed after Baby #1 (after all the hormones settled) -- and felt fat.
Not only FELT fat, but WAS fat.
But now, even though the numbers are the same as they were back then, I do not FEEL this heavy. I know I am because I'm in a size 14 (sometimes, 16). So I am not as I was when I was in the 140's (size 10-12) or 130's (size 8-10).
Last week, I did the minimum 20 minute walk around the neighborhood most of the days. This week, I have been trying to extend myself and do a little more. Yesterday, I mowed a big yard in really hot weather. Then I came home and went for my 20 minute walk.
This morning, I went for a longer walk, and I plan to get in another short walk tonight.
It is my hope that a couple of days of double workouts will help bring better results on the scale this week.
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 29.5 lbs to go!
Feeling slightly more on track today. Truthfully, I did not lose weight because I did not put forth the effort. That is to say, I did what I could under the circumstances of stress I am under.
While I did not plunge into food or alcohol to sooth my nerves, I was not entirely careful with portions or choices. So I have only my efforts to blame, which is fine, because then it makes sense: Didn't lose weight because I didn't try hard enough.
What's really maddening is when you do all the right things, bust your donkey at the gym, drink tons of water, abstain from any treats --- and then you don't lose anything. Or worse, you gain a couple of pounds. *chuckle* I've had that happen to me so many times.... This time, doing that is not worth it to me. But I do have to put forth a little more self-control if I want to see some progress on the scale.
I have taken up knitting again, to help with my anxiety at night. I stopped in the middle of a project I was working on because I was running out of yarn for this particular item. I guess I didn't think it was worth the $4 for another skein of yarn, but now I have decided that this money must be spent for my peace of mind.
A lot cheaper than therapy, anyways...
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 29.5 lbs to go!
Feel like quitting... Been really really hard to get myself to do ANY cardio the past couple (few?) days. I don't get up early enough, so that when I am finally ready to face the world at 9am, the sun is already out, blazing away, heating up the humidity....
Most days it's very hard for me to get out of bed. If I can at all afford to sleep in, I do. Then I oversleep. So I sleep some more, until I realize that I have no other choice than to get up and try to live another day...
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 29.5 lbs to go!
This week's weigh-in was not so successful. Up 1.5 lb but I expect GREAT numbers next week.
Three reasons for this week's weigh-in:
1. Salt cravings took over night before weigh-in;
2. Portion control on salty food went out the window -- stress eating or mindless eating -- just lost count of how much I was eating.
3. The ol' TOM, which seems to get worse as I get older.
So the combination of all three factors -- I was sunk.
The weather has been unbearably humid in the Chicago area. If I don't get out there and walk first thing, I can forget it. Today there was a breeze, so I was saved, but still very sweaty when I was done walking.
Then later, I went for a bike ride with my daughter (10). I love to do this with her but so many times she's playing outside with the neighbor kids. So this was really nice. Plus, it's a nice change of pace every once in a while.
I've been doing well on the water too.
I just have to keep thinking positive and looking forward. It's been really really really hard lately....
Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 29.5 lbs to go!
You're doing great with your exercise~I admire those of you who get out there in the nasty weather and get it done. I live in WV and the heat and humidity are horrid~Thank God for my treadmill because I know myself and know I wouldn't get out in this nasty crap!! Yuck!!
Wishing you a beautiful Friday!!
Well, if you have been keeping track, I met my weight loss goal for this week!
And let me tell you, friends, this was NOT easy. With the extremely hot and humid weather, the only time to walk is before 8am. This has not been easy for me to do -- not happening, but there's always hope, I suppose.
I had been craving salty foods like crazy because of the heat/humidity. I am guessing this has something to do with all the sweating. I try to be pretty diligent about what I eat 1-2 days before weigh-in, and then I relax the day of weigh-in and then I get back on the wagon.
This week, though, I felt my resolve slipping the night before weigh-in! Oh dear, I thought, this will not make for a pleasant weigh-in. But I managed to meet my goal and I am happy with that.
The weather has not been conducisve to exercising outside, either, but I make sure to get in at least a 20 minute walk a day. My walking streak is still going strong!
My husband and I *FINALLY* canceled the gym membership. Maybe some day we can join another gym. He has a chronic disease of the joints (AS, for those of you who are familiar, which is very similar to RA), so he needs a gym that has a swimming pool. And I hold it in my heart that some day, our financial situation will improve enough to where at least he can join a gym with a pool. Perhaps some day I will be able to own my own elliptical. Until then, I must be disciplined enough to exercise at home.
For those of you who asked: My notorious neighbors are ladies in their 40's! Most if not all work for the schools as teachers. Great role models... but I digress. It's unfortunate though that these women have not outgrown the cattiness and clique attitude of high school.
One of my neighbors is particularly interesting, in a totally superficial, materialistic way. I used to think she was the ringleader of this group, but now I can see that she is really just a follower. It was funny to see how she reacted when my husband went over there to speak with her about the misbehavior of her son. Some day, I shall have simulateously have the courage and the opportunity to confront her myself (in a non-violent manner, of course; see my reference to "in your face" in the previous entry).
Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 28 lbs to go!
My weight-loss goal for this week is 1 lb. I will be making REAL progress if I achieve that. Between heat, humidity, craving salt things (because of the sweat) and TOM coming up, I have no idea what the scale will grant me this week.
Before I tell you what happened to me yesterday, let me preface it by saying that most of my neighbors do not acknowledge or talk to me. This is deliberate and intentional. I am "on the outs" with the neighbors, as they say.
So yesterday, one of these notorious neighbors was sitting outside with 2 of the neighbors who WILL actually talk and wave to me. (The husband of this couple is incredibly warm, friendly and forgiving.) He had gestured to me to come sit with them, but I just waved to him, because I didn't want to associate with that notorious neighbor who was sitting with them.
But then, something came over me, and I decided that I was going to stick it in her face and if she didn't like it, then she could leave.
So I grabbed my lawn chair and went over there and sat down -- right next to her! Not only was she forced to actually acknowledge me but I started talking to her, "Oh hi, how are you doing, are you still subbing at the schools" blah blah blah and she was forced to speak with me.
And she did!
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 29 lbs to go!
Thank you all for your comments! Yes, I remember many members here. I am honored that you remember an ol' Donkey like me.
I decided to go ahead and show my progress bar. I had debated showing just how much weight I had gained during my depression or not, but I guess now that I am "in a new set of numbers", I feel a little more OK with showing you where I've been.
The stress here has been unbelieveable. Yesterday we were without power for most of the day because the eletric bill hadn't been paid. Let me tell you, that sucks. My volunteering activities have been disappointing lately to say the least, as well. Maybe it's because I see people getting paid for a job that I think I could do better. Or maybe it's because I show up and do nothing because the teacher cannot learn to delegate to the volunteer.
However, through all this discouragement, I have managed to keep walking and drinking water. I am glad and proud that I am able to do this. If I had managed to keep this in perspective when I was sloping downhill into despair, I might not have gained as much weight.
Some of you may remember that when we first moved to the house we live in now, there was a huge debate (in my house and in my head, LOL) about which gym to join. There was the Basic, affordable gym, with cardio and weight equipment. And then there was the La-Dee-Dah expensive gym that had all the amenities.
Well, this is no longer relevant as we are going to cancel the membership we have had with the Basic Gym (the one I decided on). Financially it is necessary but more than that, I am no longer motivated to attend that gym. I started getting freaked out because too many people knew me there. In October I stopped going because I was afraid to be recognized by the staff and patrons.
This time around I am focusing more on portion control and moderate exercise.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 29 lbs to go!
Good to see you're doing all you can to keep on keepin' on! Enjoy your 4th of July weekend!
Thanks always for your support!
I think I'm ready to come back.
For those of you who are new or newer to DD, I have been a member for quite some time, but hadn't posted in nearly 6 months. My last post was written on the first of the year, and since then, It has been an uphill struggle to say the least.
If you will notice, my progress bar is not shown because I had gained a considerable amount of weight from the Jan. 1st as I sunk into a deep depression and struggled with foot/knee/hip problems.
I finally went and got myself some physical therapy to help with the foot (plantar fasciitis) and knee (baker's cyst) which helped reconcile the hip pain. I am no longer the "cardio queen" that I used to be. However, in keeping with the spirit of thinking positive, I am back to walking -- nearly an hour every day -- and biking with my daughter.
I've also started a water streak, making sure that I get 2L (8 cups, 64 oz) of water every day. This has helped keep my eating in check, for the most part.
Since gaining weight, stabilizing and now losing *once again*, the extreme sugar cravings and the binge eating episodes I was struggling with very badly for the past 2 years have ceased. I'm not sure if this is because I was too low in weight (for my body -- I guess I'm destined to be a larger person, even though I"m quite short) or if it was because of all the cardio and weight training, or if it was emotional reasons, or some or all of the reasons listed above.
The important thing is that I got off that merry-go-round and am leading a life of attempted moderation. I say attempted because lately, I've been feeling uncomfortably full after meals, although I believe this is a psychological feeling more than an actual physical issue. Perhaps a better ideal would be "mindful moderation"...
I am still very involved in volunteering, both at my church and in the community. I am a wedding hostess at my church, still, which I love doing. And I am involved with literacy tutoring with the ESL program at the local communtiy college.
I am still unemployed, however, and I struggle each and every day with feelings of despair, worthlessness, loathing, etc. Not necessarily due to the unemployment but rather due to the cause of unemployment. It's a long story, and I try very hard to put the past behind, not to think ahead too far, and to stay focused on the here and now.
Walking has been good for me in hard times--good for my head in many ways. Glad you got the physical things addressed too!
Mindful moderation sounds like a good idea!
Looking forward to reading you again!!!
Weighed in this morning, just to keep up with the tradition of knowing what I weigh at the beginning of the year.
I attribute the slight increase in weight to increased alcohol consumption.
Today has been uneventful other than going to Mass and watching my son serve. This afternoon, I got a chance to use the Wii that my kids got for Christmas (courtesy of my folks, thank you Grandma). Oh my! I can see how that could be used for workout purposes. My daughter and I played bowling (2x), golf (2x), baseball (1x), tennis (1x) and boxing (3x - best out of 3). That boxing game was so fun(ny). Neither one of us had any idea what we were doing. We were just swinging our arms really really fast, and whoever went down for the count lost.
Afterwards my daughter said, "I need a drink of water! My arms really hurt!" Me too!
I have the Wii Fit (whatever) and I will start to press Husband to set that up so that I can use that on a regular basis.
I've started to track calories again using Sparkpeople.com, since I don't want to put too much thought into it. That and drink water and stay active.
Tomorrow I am hostessing 2 weddings in my new outfit and pantyhose (which you will recall I had to buy because my regular stuff no longer fits). I am looking forward to that, but I must remember to pack some kind of snack or lunch for in between.
Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!
Have fun tomorrow~enjoy yourself while hostessing~
Happy New Year!
2. nice to see you bought a few clothes that flatter you.
3. yes, pack a snack or lunch for hostessing...and pack enough not to deny yourself causing you to binge later bc you were trying to be restrictive while working.
4. have fun hostessing. i know you like to be busy and occupied. i'm the same way - would rather be busy WORKING than doing nothing all day or having ample time to myself. i'm not a fan of using my time the way it should be so i'd rather have structured work and just reasonable time time myself. not loads.
5. i always find a way to ramble in my comments to you.
6. happy new year.
7. i hope to read more soon...and 7 is a lucky number so i'll stop here!
Hope you're hangin' in there!
Today I bit the bullet and went shopping for clothes in a larger size for 2 weddings that I am hostessing for on Saturday.
I was looking for something dressy, yet neutral. I looked at several suits. I almost bought a light grey tweed-y looking suit (jacket, skirt, pants -- everything lined, too!) but decided to pass because they were in size 16. Even though they fit, they were almost at the point of being too big. And I did not want to spend $$ on something that will not fit in a month or 2 (hopefully).
Or maybe it was the fact that it said "size 16" and I just don't want to admit to myself that this is where I'm at. I don't think that's it though. I tried on other size 16 suits that were obviously too big.
So what I bought was a black skirt (size 14) and 2 fancy tops in size Large. More versatile I think, and more motivation to try to lose weight.
Because even if I feel like cr*p, I should at least try to look my best.
Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 23 lbs to go!
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every small gesture in the right direction helps. wishing you lots of peace and love on your journey:)
just42day on 07/24/2010:
Good for you for being so consistent w/good activity. Yes, I'm in the Chicago area too. Weather's been horrible. More rain for most of next week. Oh joy.
Maria7 on 07/24/2010:
Be careful about being out in hot weather. You can become dehydrated easily and also get heat exhaustion quickly. Don't do that. (I learned.)
You're really doing well getting to your goalweight.
Very interesting entry. Also, I shop at the thrift stores, too. :-)
moogy on 07/24/2010:
Isn't that weird, I always think I am attractive, sexy and showing off what I have got. The reality is I have lots lots more than I should have but it doesn't seem to affect how I feel about myself. With all the exercise you are doing I am sure your body will soon match your what your head feels You go girl.
don'tstoptrying on 07/25/2010:
I totally understand about not always "feeling" fat even though the fact is I am. For me I know I'm just so use to this body it's comfortable for me and even though which I know sounds crazy at times can even be a comfort. Right now thankfully I'm fully am aware of how bad I look and feel, but there have definately been those times when I've been just as overweight as now and seem to feel comforted by it. I'm sure a psychiatrist would have all kinds of things to say about that! lol
biscottibody59 on 07/25/2010:
Keep posting, keep walking! Do what you can to not lose ground--things may turn at any moment. We know the weather's gonna change--gotta work as well as possible with what's in front of us:-)
Happy Sunday!
Moody3 on 07/25/2010:
Doing a great job getting your exercise in!!! Fantastic Donkey!!!!
just42day on 07/26/2010:
thanks for checking in. You're doing so well with your walks. I'm sure you'll start to see and feel great results soon! Keep up the good work!