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Donkey - Wednesday Jan 23, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 128.5

OK so here it is:

1. I passed the test -- BARELY. I made a HUGE error that personally I would have failed myself for if I had been the one grading. No excuses for what I did, just not thinking. But I did pass, so I should begin a new schedule of working (and working out and eating) tomorrow, but possibly Friday.

2. I have not been eating well this week, nor have I exercised (hardly at all) this week. Therefore, I do not expect a favorable weigh in on Friday.

3. I am still sick. Each day improves *slightly* but not by much. Now it's in my chest and I'm coughing all the time.

It seems that too much is happening all at once and I'm totally unprepared for all the changes!

Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

fritters on 01/23/2008:
Congratulations on passing your test! That has to feel good.

CritterMom on 01/24/2008:
You've been under stress, and that taxes your immune system. No wonder you're sick. I hope you will find some ways to relax and get some exercise in, too. Those things boost the immune system and will help you feel better.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/24/2008:
Sometimes we just have those unavoidable weeks that are less than motivating for us because of everything else we have to do. But you know what, you have been doing a great job maintaining! Remember, you reached one of the most difficult goals people make in weightloss. Now, all you have to do is keep moderating what you eat, week to week. I know it is easier said than done...but at least you don't have to face being at your heigheset weight and also going through all this stress.

When you feel better, that's probably the best time to get the exercise in. If you have a chest cough, I wouldn't do much cardio at all. If it was just a cold, then it would be a better idea. :)

Feel better. I know you can hang tough.

workingit2 on 01/24/2008:
Congratulations on passing the test! Now that is one worry off your mind! Sometimes everything hits hard and fast and when we don't feel well, it really messes with our heads. Take care of yourself and get as much rest as you can! Have a great day =)

shadetree on 01/24/2008:
You passed. That's all that matters. (I finally convinced myself of this after I got my first B in college - I'm a geek in case no one realizes that - and I freaked...but then I realized that no one asks what your GPA was in college, they just care that you have the degree - that you passed. And you passed.

Chest congestion - hopefully productive coughing - you're on the mend! Tomorrow is another day and it will be better!

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 22, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 128.5

Friends of DD, you have always been with me, throughout the year last year, through good times and bad, thick and thin.

So I'm posting today to let you know that my test for my CDL is tomorrow. I do not expect to pass. I am nervous. I never do well for driving tests.

I am still sick. I skipped the gym today because I was dizzy and congested when I woke up. Tomorrow, I will wake up not so early and give myself time to do whatever I have to do so that I feel better by the time my test starts (i.e. take medicine and give it time to kick in, hot shower, menthol rub, etc.). I do not plan on going to the gym tomorrow either.

I have been eating chocolate like it is a food group. I must say, it has helped calm my nerves, even if it's not very nutritious.

So I just have to get through tomorrow morning. I know that regardless of whatever happens, I will still have friends here.

Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

shadetree on 01/22/2008:
I used to work for a trucking company and based on what I remember, you should be okay (unless you are like me and cannot back up...) Just remember to BREATHE! I'm trying to remember - is it just written or is there a driving section as well? If it's written only you should really be okay. Is there a DMV/Secretary of State (whatever it is there) branch that is easier than others? (I know it's not supposed to happen, but we had drivers that would drive an hour to renew their hazmat because that particular branch was so much more lenient.)

have a piece of chocolate, (okay - I'm not supposed to tell you to do that, but we're in kind of a mini-crisis it sounds like) and BREATHE! Good luck!

dearerdiarist on 01/22/2008:
I am just here to remind you to think as positively as you are able and to have confidence in yourself and your teachers. We are all rooting for you, I am sure that you know that, but it is majorly important that you root for your dear self. I believe that there are angels on shoulders. Be sure to pat yours :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2008:
are you nervous about the driving test? is that why you are sick? sometimes i get really tired/run down when i think about things i am unsure about. Just thinking about things sometimes draws my energy...its not a usual occurance, like depression or anything, but that may have added to your sickness.

dark chocolate is nutritious...have some of that...:)

i wish you loads of goodluck tomorrow as well as some feeling better wishes, too! :)

hollybelle on 01/23/2008:
Hope it went well. Mama said there'd be days like this......you can do it!

Donkey - Saturday Jan 19, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 128.5

Well.... Just trying to survive the weekend, I think.

1. I am still sick. Had zero energy today.

2. Visited Husband's Grandpa in the hospital today. They are making arrangements for hospice care today, as well. Will know more tomorrow, but he should be coming home very soon. At least he will end his life in the comfort of a home and not in a hospital.

3. Vet took an x-ray of my dear kitty to find out that she has a tumor on her intestines (cancer). (FYI --- it was cheaper to get an x-ray than it would be to get another blood test.) We are seeking no further treatment for her, and plan to make her final days as comfortable as possible.

I have nothing else to say right now.

Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

shadetree on 01/19/2008:
Sorry Donkey. You're just having a tough time lately emotionally, physically, must be terrible...Stay strong. Know that your family (cat included) are in my prayers...

workingit2 on 01/19/2008:
What a rough day all around for you :( Saying prayers for you and your family..rest and take care of yourself.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/19/2008:
FEEL BETTER. it seems both you and Greengirl are sick so there must be a virus spreading via internet. :(

I hope everything gets better with you dad. I'm sorry to hear about your cat.

fritters on 01/20/2008:
I am sorry to hear your sad news. I hope you feel better soon. I hope that Grandpa can be comfortable. I hope kitty isn't suffering. I had to put my cat to sleep last Feb. Her jaw broke and after a few weeks and two diffrent vets it was determined through x-ray that she had bone cancer and that had caused the break. It was the first animal I had put to sleep and it was so hard - but I know that it was the best decision for her. I held her while the vet did his thing and she just went to sleep. I brought her home and had a funeral. Sounds silly, but made me feel better! I hope your life gets easier soon.

Donkey - Friday Jan 18, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 128.5

Well, at least the weigh-in went well :-) Lost a pound in spite of having ice cream last night. So I am still maintaining, during this stressful job training period, so that is a job well done.

I realized that part of my problem with the driving test is that i am in such a hurry to get it done and over with that I don't execute the skills as well as if I just **RELAXED** and **TOOK MY TIME**. When will Donkey learn that she cannot control everything in life? I rush through things in an attempt to gain control, and it only sets me back further.

So even if I fail my test, it is a good test of my character (not sure if that's the right word). Maybe it would be better to say, it would be a good test FOR my character. To challenge myself to put things into the proper perspective, not stress out so much.

Today I have a 3 mile run planned. I still have a cold; I wish it were gone.

Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!

jon'smom on 01/18/2008:
I have a problem with rushing through things too. And I hate to be rushed! I hope everything works out for you in the end. Great job with the one pound weight loss!

workingit2 on 01/18/2008:

Trying to control things is huge with me as well. And I agree...it is a challenge not to stress!

Have a great day and enjoy your run!

legcramps on 01/18/2008:
Good job!

dearerdiarist on 01/18/2008:
Hi! I've been knowing that you were going to have this training and then take the test, but I feel like I am lost somehow.... You are taking a driving test? Catch me up, okay? Sorry :( I am a control person myself inspite of all the evidence that it never works... what is one to do? I hope that you have a nice weekend, in spite of your anxiety.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/18/2008:
you are maintaining...doing well at a new job...and getting all your goals done! don't think you aren't doing anything right, because you are!!! enjoy your 3 mile run!

shadetree on 01/19/2008:
YAY! Another pound gone! Two and a half from goal!

Hope you had a good run!

Donkey - Thursday Jan 17, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

Tomorrow is weigh-in day. That is the only reason why I am writing now. Job training is not going as well as expected. The test will be very difficult.

To top off all this stress and anxiety --- I went from having AF/TOM to having an awful sinus infection. I hope today is the worst of it. There is nothing positive I can say about being sick. Well, I suppose there is, because the cold medicine takes away my appetite, LOL.

EVENING EDIT: I just wanted to clarify or apologize for sounding like such a whiny ass - er, whiny donkey - earlier today (see above). It's not that I expected anyone to hand me a job. You see, I need a CDL for this job, so this entails another behind-the-wheel driving course, only with a big ol' school bus instead of a car. I vowed when I got my driver's license for my car that I would do whatever in my power to NEVER EVER have to take behind-the-wheel again.

So what do I do? I sign up for a job that involves driving. Well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Or maybe I will pass the test. It is just darn frustrating to do well on the skills and then to blow it at the very end with just one thing (hitting the curb with my rear tire -- big deal, I see truckers do this all the time and they have jobs).

Well, what is life without the challenge? As I came to realize earlier today, even though it ain't fun to fail, there IS life after failure.

It would be a huge disappointment though. I would feel like I let people down, most of all my Husband and myself. :-( Well, Monday is a holiday (MLK day) and Tuesday is review and Wednesday is my test. I have the weekend to study.

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

dearerdiarist on 01/17/2008:
It sounds bleak :( It must be very difficult to concentrate on the job training first with one thing and then another. Maybe that test won't be as difficult as you have heard or imagine. I hope not. Don't fret. Just take it one thing at a time so that you don't crash, okay?

shadetree on 01/17/2008:
The test may be difficult, but you can do it! what is life without a good challenge? Hope you have a good weigh in tomorrow! Feel better!

workingit2 on 01/17/2008:
You have so much going on! Take care of yourself and get better quickly! Good luck tomorrow =)

applemarket on 01/18/2008:
Good luck with the studying and the test, and the weigh-in!! And get well soon! I'm sure the people around you would not feel any disappointment in you for any reason, so don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself to please others who love you unconditionally to begin with! Good luck again!

Donkey - Monday Jan 14, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

My anxiety level this morning is through the roof. It is almost making me sick to my stomach. I feel like I could easily eat my whole pantry. I will write more later when I have something more productive to say.

I just had to get that off my chest. I'm hoping the more times I say it, the less it will feel worse. That is, it will start to feel less and less bad. It's an awful feeling....

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

jmarie60 on 01/14/2008:
Take a few seconds for yourself. Just go somewhere calm (if you can find somewhere calm) and just breathe.

We all need to have a little "me time" to help us collect our thoughts and decompress.

workingit2 on 01/14/2008:
Congratulations on the weigh-in on Friday! Somehow I missed your entry.

I know the feeling of the anxiety...I've been struggling with it lately here as well. I've had to call in all the resources, breathing deeply, calling family, meditation yadda yadda. Anxiety is hell, but at least we know how to deal with it most of the time.

Take care of yourself. Sending prayers that the bad feelings go away quickly and that you have a better day.

CritterMom on 01/14/2008:
What is it that's making you feel so stressed? Take an objective look at it, and say to yourself "if the worst really happened, what would REALLY happen as a result?" Would the world stop spinning? Probably not. Sometimes we build things up in our minds, or are trying to live up to other's expectations, so that we make ourselves sick with worry. Life is just too short to allow ourselves to live that way. Take a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Examine why the thing that is bothering is so important...and decide if it really is that important to you. Then play out some "what if" scenarios, to plan ahead how you could best handle each variation of the "what if". Sometimes saying out loud...I really DON'T care about that, or have a real stake in that, makes dealing with other people's expectations of our involvement a lot easier.

~smile!~ Attitude is half the battle.

borntocry on 01/14/2008:
You poor thing. Try not to eat your whole pantry - it will only make you feel worse. Do something that will make you feel better. (Maybe a really good workout? Or is that pushing it?)

borntocry on 01/14/2008:
P.S. I just read CritterMom's comment to you, and I must say that is excellent advice. It's something I've been trying to do myself lately. You know as women (and elder children - you're an eldest child too, aren't you?) we tend to take on a lot of responsibility, and there's really no need. Sometimes the worst that can happen isn't really that bad. Here's hoping that's the case for you!

dearerdiarist on 01/14/2008:
I am thinking of you and sending you those good thoughts. You are so dear and worthwhile. Crittermom has really said it all. Take those deep breaths. You are only one woman, you can't be in charge of the whole world. Be extra nice to yourself in as many ways as you can think of today, okay?

legcramps on 01/14/2008:
I agree with BTC - sometimes the things we worry about we really needn't bother because it turns out to not be as big of a deal as we thought it would!

CharlieAngel on 01/14/2008:
I totally agree with Crittermom! Take care and don't try to stuff your feelings of anxiety with food! It won't accomplish anything in the long run. Is this anxiety something that you deal with alot? If so, have you seen a DR about it? Just take care of yourself....you are so worth the effort! Hope your day turns right around....and that peace and contentment wash over you. Just breathe!

maria777 on 01/14/2008:
Please read my yesterday's entry! I know how it feels to want to binge! Hang in there! You are doing so well! Don't give in!

fritters on 01/14/2008:
I hope you were able to settle down. Sometimes, if it works with your schedule a nice hot shower or soak with a good book helps. I hope you stayed out of the pantry!

shadetree on 01/14/2008:

Hope you are doing a little better!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/15/2008:
I like what shadetree said. what is wrong over there??? maybe it is true and when i'm doing well, you really are struggling!? NO! It has to stop! I really hope everything is ok and if you need to vent MORE on here, please do so and maybe we can help.

Donkey - Friday Jan 11, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

Last Week's Weigh In: 131.5 This Week's Weigh In: 129.5

I'm rather rushed for time this morning, but I couldn't wait to report my weigh in. I was pleasantly surprised. I had a bad eating episode on Sunday, getting ready for the next day's new job adventure. So you never know how many pounds you'll retain from binges.

And the past 2 days I've been eating at the high range of my calories. (1960 calories) And AF is due. And I"m feeling rather bloated.

But it was all good in the end.

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

crategrl on 01/11/2008:

shadetree on 01/11/2008:
HOORAY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/11/2008:
rememeber 1960 is in the NORMAL range. I was having success with my weightloss recently when i mixed some high cal days...even 2000-2200 in with low cal days!

timeforachange on 01/11/2008:
Awesome job with the weight loss! Keep it up! Sounds like you are doing well Donkey, have a great weekend!! =)

greengirl on 01/12/2008:
Good for you Donkey :) You have been so consistent !!!

Donkey - Thursday Jan 10, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

It seems it's been a few days since I've updated. Now that my mornings are occupied with training and not computer online time or at the gym, I have a lot less computer time.

The job training is going well. I knew it wouldn't be so bad, but I just dreaded the First Day. Of course, I'm new, I don't know what's going on. But I am doing as well for a newbie. At least they have to give me credit for trying hard and making the effort!

All this week, I have been going to the gym, directly from work. Some days it's for running (since I"m doing a 10k training program) but other days it's just for a little more cardio (walking) and weight training. Today is a running day but I think AF is coming or here, so I dunno... All my stuff is already at the gym though, from my early morning workout.

I still get up very early in the morning to go workout at the gym before the day starts.

So hopefully I will take advantage of today and go running. It's only 2 miles. But as I said I am tired. Very tired.

Tomorrow is weigh-in day and I'm really looking forward to it!!! I feel the NEED to KNOW what I weigh, now that I've been holding steady for 4-5 days.

EDIT: Went for a run. Boy, was I dragging, so it was not one of my better running episodes, but fortunately, it was only 2 miles so I could do it quickly and get it over with. I'm afraid to see what's in store, running-wise, next week. ;-)

Total Running Miles for 2008: 12.0

Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

jmarie60 on 01/10/2008:
I know it's hard to do things when you're tired. You should go running. You'll feel better for doing so!

Good luck on the weigh in tomorrow!!!!!

hollybelle on 01/10/2008:
You have had a big change in your schedule. Go easy on yourself for a few weeks until you acclimate to the new things in your life.

CritterMom on 01/10/2008:
Good job on getting those workouts done! Less than 2 pounds to go, too! Woo-hooo!

greengirl on 01/10/2008:
I knew you would do fine at work. Well done on keeping up the exercise too. Good luck with the weigh-in . You deserve to do well :)

dearerdiarist on 01/10/2008:
Amazing, you are amazing. Hope that weigh in is a beaut!

legcramps on 01/10/2008:
I remember doing my 5k training last year - I felt exactly the same way as you do right now, in regards to what the next week would bring - horror and disappointment, or pleasant surprises!

I wish you pleasant surprises!

workingit2 on 01/10/2008:
Congratulations on getting through the first days of work and doing so well! yay! And for keeping up with your exercise in the mornings...I give you big props for that! Good luck with your weigh in! =)

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 08, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

Where oh where to start?

I started training for my new job today. I think it will go well, but I'm not ready to start talking about details in depth yet. At least not today.

Unfortunately, I did binge last night, getting anxious about today. I just wanted to get The First Day out of the way. Know what I mean? Of course, why I thought EATING would resolve that, I don't know. Argh, will I EVER learn???!!!

I would guess I had about 2500-2700 calories. Needless to say, I had PLENTY of energy today. So all was not lost. I did very well at the gym early this morning on the elliptical. Came home and got the kids off to school -- and gave the damn cat her medicine -- then went to training, which was until lunchtime.

I had planned ahead of time to go to the gym after training, so that I would not come home and fall apart and eat. I don't think I would have but the possibility exists. I don't know if I will plan to go to the gym after training tomorrow as well. Hmm... maybe I should. I probably should.

The gym in the morning this week has been absolutely NUTS. Crowded out the gills. It's really sad when you get there at 5:15a (the gym opens at 5a) and it's already packed. So I can see that i am really going to have to try hard to get there even earlier. Which I would have but I always check my email while I drink a cup of coffee before I leave. I drink a full cup of coffee and then leave. But if I wasn't doing the email, then I'd probably drink a half of cup and then leave. Ugh, old habits are hard to break.

I cannot WAIT until the New Years' Newbies Rush is over. Apologies to any Gym Newbies here reading this.

Today should definitely be a better eating day. Friday Weigh In will probably be a disaster though :-(

Total running miles in 2008: 10.0

Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

jmarie60 on 01/08/2008:
There's a crazy surge of people at my Gym too working on their NYR. My gym is small too, so I am annoyed that my machines that I want when I want aren't always available.

be positive about the Friday weigh-in. It's all in the attitude. If you set yourslef up for failure, you will fail... but if you're positive, you're going to be less likely to slip!!!

dearerdiarist on 01/08/2008:
Job training AFTER the gym. You are my superhero. I remember job training as something that kept me so tense.... when I got home I was too tired to phone and order a pizza. I REALLY think you are sounding great. Take care.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2008:
I also HATE the New Year's rush! ugh!!!!! hopefully i will get into the yoga class today, unlike last night because of them!

I also binged tonight a little bit bc i'm so nervous lately....course sign up today and test tomorrow...thanks for asking how it went. it did go well, i'll probably update my journal on that later this evening!

I'm glad your job is going well too, Donkey! :)

workingit2 on 01/08/2008:
First days are difficult...I always dreaded them. At least you are keeping up with your exercise! Have a great evening =)

Donkey - Sunday Jan 06, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

EVENING EDIT: I survived the party. I came away with a clear picture of what is wrong with Grandpa. It is a sad, last leg of a long life's journey. Still, it was good to see the family together. I did very well with my calories. They are big casserole people, which I detest. I hate casseroles. So I did not eat much at the party, and then came home and had a little supplemental. I managed to come in at around 1500 (a little more, I think) with my daily calories and did well on water while I was there. Water and gum chewing really saved the day.


Had a great workout at the gym this morning. i'm so glad we went to Mass last night and got it out of the way so that I could go 100% today. I am so stressed out about Life right now. The treatment with my cat is difficult. I have this party at my Inlaws' house today and with Grandpa being sick with cancer in the hospital... The kids go back to school on Monday; I start job training on Tuesday --- oh Calgon, take me AWAY!!!

Anyway, did 65 min on the elliptical (over 7 miles!), then I did upper body weights on the machines and then I ran 2 miles on the treadmill, which marks the beginning of my 10k training program.

Total Running Miles: 7.0

Progress as of today: 12.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

shadetree on 01/06/2008:
Great workout! One day at a time...

legcramps on 01/06/2008:
That's right, one day at a time...

FRITTERS on 01/06/2008:
I have been away for a while and am just now catching up. I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much. Having a sick pet is almost like having a sick child. I wish you all the best and hope grandpa is 'comfortable'. You are doing a really good job with cal. and exercise even with so much else on your mind. Good for you!!

timeforachange on 01/06/2008:
Wow awesome exercise for the day! Great job with the get together you went to as well. I agree, gum and water are lifesavers! They have shot down many a binge in my day. So sorry about your grandfather. My mother-in-law has cancer as well. It's one of the worst diseases in the world and they need to hurry on up and find a cure! You and your family are in my prayers. Hope you have a good day tomorrow Donkey... Hang in there, you are doing great!

borntocry on 01/07/2008:
Hey Donkey! I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, and your husband's grandfather. This really has been a horrible start to the year for you, hasn't it? You poor thing! Hopefully things will get better!

At least you can take comfort in the fact that you haven't used these hard times as an excuse to give up on your goals. So you're training for a 10K? When?! I can't believe I missed that! You must tell me more about it!

greengirl on 01/07/2008:
Hope things get better for you soon Donkey. Very sorry to hear about Grandpa. Under the circumstances you are doing amazingly well !!

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