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Donkey - Sunday Sep 16, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

So after my wonderful weigh-in yesterday, what do I do?  Begin the DEEP END CONFESSIONAL:

A few weeks ago, I made an Oreo ice cream dessert dish to help consolidate and get rid of the 4 half-empty vanilla ice cream containers in our freezer. (I kid you not.)  This was a tough week, and I told myself that if I stuck to my program, that after weigh-in on Saturday, I could have a piece of the ice cream dessert.  Yes, Donkey rewarding herself with food -- STILL.  Not often, but STILL.  You know what I'm saying?

Who is to say if I would have had a slice if weigh-in had been bad -- I think I still would have had a slice, because I'm learning to actually follow through on rewards I promise to myself (I'm really mean to myself in that way) - so I had a slice.  A LARGE slice.  OK, TWO SLICES, because the slice I had cut broke into the slice next to it unevenly and I couldn't let that uneven slice just sit there in the pan, could I?

Thankfully there are only 4 slices left, and the kids should finish that off this week - just in time for the cooler weather to come in on Thursday....

Anyway, so that was done and over, but then what happens?  Husband and I were alone for dinner, and I kind of wanted a date night, and he didn't feel like cooking for 2.  And neither one of us wanted leftovers - LOL - so we went to a local pizza place.  Ordered fried cheese curds, fried pickle slices, and a medium pizza with sausage, onions, green peppers, and mushrooms.  I was able to control myself with the cheese curds, but there were way too many fried pickles, and let's just say that I finished what husband didn't eat.  Oh I could tell that they were way too salty, but for some reason, I felt compelled to eat them all.  Then came the pizza, which is round, but cut into squares.  Had the 4 corner slices.  I was way full after that, almost to the point of discomfort, but not quite there.  I did take a couple of Tums right before bed to help.  It would have been better if I had not eaten so much and not felt so full after dinner, because then I didn't really feel like doing much of anything else.  Came home, watched TV, went to sleep.

Oh boy, did I pay for yesterday this morning.  Stomach was quite upset.  I waited for my stomach to settle down before deciding whether or not to have breakfast, which I ended up having at around 10am - after a long session on the exercise bike (while I watch the morning news shows) and some weigh training.  I had not done weights Friday or Saturday, so it was time to get back into the groove.

I am writing about this because I want to remember this day, as I probably would have done things differently to spare myself the discomfort of last night and this morning.  But overall, as I am in maintenance mode, I think it's OK to have a day like this every once in a while.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/16/2018:
I think it's OK too!!!! And the thing you will hopefully remember is how you didn't feel good after......the memory of that may just help remind you the next time....and we all know....they we all have next times...…..and I hear you about the uneven piece problem....I HATE IT when D cuts off an irregular piece of any food.....I always have to plumb it up too….rather I wanted it or not...because who puts food away like that? LOL....by the way...he ialso guilty of leaving 1 cracker in the box...1/4 cup of cereal in the box...etc...……...

happy-1 on 09/16/2018:
OMG I love fried pickles. How had I completely forgotten about them???? I think I’d have eaten the whole cake, the pizza, the curds and a 2 liter of coke... down the hatch.

happy-1 on 09/16/2018:
BTW... Saw this today and thought of you. I kind of dug it as things to do that are fall-themed feel goods... especially as we get less sun... https://www.rose-minded.com/single-post/Fall-Inspired-Self-Care-Ideas

Donkey on 09/18/2018:
I will check this link out when I'm able to log in on my laptop. Looks like it might be what I had in mind. Thanks for thinking of me :)

graindart on 09/16/2018:
If I was going off-plan, I would've eaten everything you just noted. Then I would've stopped at a gas station on the way home to get one of each type of candy bar I had been craving for awhile, even though I was already uncomfortably full. Then while in the gas station, I would've seen a lonely single day-old donut just sitting there in the display case, so I would've given it a good home. Then right before bed, even though I was ready to burst, I would've eaten a bowl of the kid's cereal that I was craving.

All that to say, I think your splurge was still much more controlled than mine would've been. And if it only happens once every week or two, I highly doubt it would have any effect at all.

horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
i find it ok to reward with food. after all, it does make us happy and offer a nice flavor to our taste buds.

yeah, i agree with your last sentence! no need to punish yourself at all.

my stomach might be upset too after the fried food.

it's also because you do not really eat that way anymore....and you are more sensitive to when you eat in a way you aren't used to anymore. i also wouldn't enjoy a whole big meal of fried things and pizza....i would go back to craving veggies, thankfully.

Donkey - Saturday Sep 15, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

 Happy with this week's weigh-in.  Ironman scale had me at 129.8, which is not only OK with me on the numbers, but also consistent with the difference in numbers I see between the 2 scales.  So sodium, hormone, and bathroom issues seem to have resolved themselves this week.

I have been feeling the "Winter Pull" already.  When I say that, this "Pull" is something that starts, for me, in autumn.  It starts with drinking less water for the day.  It usually evolves into eating starchier foods -- even healthy ones, like squash, sweet potato, pumpkin.   Then it cascades into the holidays:  Halloween candy (sugar cravings), Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversary, New Years Eve, New Years Day...

We've had beautiful warm weather for about 2 weeks here in Chicagoland, but I have noticed that the daylight is different - even at noon - and that this is (a huge) part of the "winter pull" problem.  I'm amazed at how subtle the changes are.  

Still -- I am truly looking forward to autumn.  I love the changes in the colors, the cooler temperatures, the anticipation of the holidays.  I really do love it all -- just maybe not so much for losing and/or maintaining.  Looking back, from the weight gains and losses I've had over the many, many years, winter is tough.

Earlier this week, I was really down in the dumps.  Probably stressed out is more like it, but just in a very dark mood.  I woke up on Thursday deciding that I was going to pick myself up and nothing on that day was going to bring me down.  It was a tough day, but I reminded myself of this mindset throughout the day, and it really helped. THAT is the mindset that I'm going to use as I move forward.  This isn't a setback coming up - this is a challenge to myself!

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/15/2018:
Your body burns more calories in cooler temperatures. I get the same “doen in the dumps” effects in shorter days without daylight. Or if I just don’t get out for sunlight. What can you do to make sure you get 2h of sun a day?

Donkey on 09/16/2018:
Now THAT is a good question! So during the workweek, I do walk outside at lunch, and I do take mail out in the morning and pick it up in the afternoon. OK, granted that is NOT 2 hours worth of sunlight, but I find that it really does help.

The thing is, the sunlight itself is DIFFERENT. I can totally tell that this is not the same light - even though it's from the same Sun - that we had in July.

Every year I tell myself I should invest in a blue light. Maybe this is the year to do it. IDK, trying not to accumulate more stuff, but this might be a good investment.

BearCountryGG on 09/16/2018:
There is definitely a chill in the air...( we have about the same type weather as you)...it may be warm...but there is a hint of that leaving soon....trees are changing colors and dropping leaves....less daylight.....and next month starts the holidays...which I usually figure starting when school starts.....I like winter ( hate ice)...but love winter...but then I'm a homebody...I just like to snuggle in and nest in the colder weather.....maybe start a project or hobby that winter works with...like knitting. crocheting, sorting and filing photos, making a crafty Christmas decoration....or something for Halloween.

Donkey on 09/16/2018:
Yep, I have a knitting project that I work on ONLY during the cooler months. I've already taken it out again to work on at night. I really need to get this finished this year. I'm kind of tired of it.

Maria7 on 09/16/2018:
Glad you are feeling better and congratulations on your success!

Donkey on 09/16/2018:
Thank you!!!!

graindart on 09/16/2018:
The second that school starts back up and the weather starts to change, my mindset changes quickly. I go from wanting to dirtbike in the mountains weekly, to not having any real desire to ride at all. I generally am ok with staying inside more and just plopping down in front of the tv. And I would be more than happy to sit on the couch and eat a bag of chocolate chip cookies all by myself. It's hibernation mode......maybe I'm really a bear?

Donkey on 09/16/2018:
LOL! We already have one Bear (BCGG) on this list ;)

Horn_of_plenty on 09/17/2018:
Hi D! I am feeling the pull towards Winter also!

I am going to buy a daylight lamp for waking up...daylight alarm clock that brightens like the sun for the Winter. I am doing everything i can to make Winter easier this year!

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 12, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.0

Not the best day, but sticking to my plan, for the most part. Think I ate too much meat at dinner, but I wasn't stuffed.

Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/12/2018:
Tomorrow can be better, not every day should be 100% perfect or you'd be bored ;)

happy-1 on 09/12/2018:
good job! it’s all about consistency!

Donkey on 09/15/2018:
YES -- I have to say that this above all is what works for me.

BearCountryGG on 09/13/2018:
If you ate more meat than normal you may need the iron....

Donkey on 09/15/2018:
That's a good point. Perhaps a component to muscle-building as well -- or maybe that's my wishful thinking.

Maria7 on 09/13/2018:
Hope you are having a good day.

Donkey on 09/15/2018:
I think Thursday ended up being the best day of the week. I survived the week, though, so that's something to be grateful for.

graindart on 09/14/2018:
Stress causes me to want to overeat. Boredom causes me to want to overeat. Celebrating something special causes me to want to overeat. Depression causes me to want to overeat. Overeating causes me to want to overeat.

There's not much that keeps me from wanting to overeat. One of the few things that does, is coming here and seeing that there are people that struggle with many of the same food desires, but can successfully manage them. Reading your entries and HOP's entries (and others) reminds me that it's possible to actually get to a decent weight and learn to maintain.

Donkey on 09/15/2018:
Thank you -- I am glad that some of my entries have helped. I do feel that weight loss maintenance is doable, but sometimes, it's mighty difficult. I appreciate the acknowledgment.

Donkey - Tuesday Sep 11, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.0

Lots of mixed feelings, but not much to say. Except that I'm praying for our Maria and her family, facing the impending hurricane from the Atlantic. Praying for everyone facing this...

Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/12/2018:
I'm thinking about Maria a lot too.....and wondering how she is doing with all of this.

horn_of_plenty on 09/12/2018:
I pray for them also, facing the hurricane. so many natural disasters lately around the world and close to home.

I have been having lots of emotions as of late. I was really mean to my sister in how i let her know i didn't approve of her actions or rather inaction. i may have gone overboard especially that she's pregnant, but i cannot apologize at all because if i do apologize then she will take it as i was wrong...which i don't want....my bday was another interesting time with my parents...and i was extremely confrontational on fb messages to my sister letting her know 100% i didn't approve of her not wishing me a happy bday on facebook...i called her selfish for knowing that i like facebook but not thinking of me to wish me a bday there. i told her i had to defriend her, because she had told me she's not into facebook, wasn't on it all day (doubt that) and that she'd prefer not to wish me a happy bday there...which i thought was strange. so, i defriended her..i'll write about it on my page....

Donkey on 09/12/2018:
I completely get where you are coming from, and I do understand why you feel that you cannot apologize. Give it some time to settle down, and it will work its own way out.

I support you 100% but I do remember those pregnancy hormones taking my emotions for a rollercoaster.

horn_of_plenty on 09/12/2018:
what's causing you all the emotions / feelings as of late?

Donkey on 09/12/2018:
Not sure exactly. Stress for one thing. Hormones, maybe... I need a break.

Donkey - Monday Sep 10, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.0

Feeling that nice ache in my arms and legs from Sunday's weights.

I ate more than usual, unfortunately. I guess it goes hand in hand. I do plan to do a shorter weight session tomorrow, thinking either legs or triceps/back.

Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/11/2018:
Exercise pain is rewarding isn't it?

Horn_of_plenty on 09/11/2018:
good job on the weights. you'll be thankful in ten years when your back isn't totally curved due to weakened bones and no muscles...my mom has quite a curve...nobody can tell right away but i have seen her my whole life...it's not scoliosis or anything, but just the aging process and someone who really didn't do much in the physical department aside for cardio here and there. she's healthy, just never atteneded to her musculature.

don't worry about overdoing the eating all the time...i also had an issue due to CAKE!!!!!!!!! i had a big slice! after a big meal! so now i'm working on it....

enjoy your day, lady.

Donkey - Sunday Sep 09, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.0

After getting the refrigerator set up -- which was not an easy endeavor -- we ended up going out to dinner.  Had a big salad - of which I ate all of, and helped my daughter finish the giant slice of cheesecake.

Got up this morning and stuck to the program.  After no weight-training after last Monday, I did a full routine this morning.  I'm feeling that pleasant ache in my arms and legs (slightly) this morning.  This may be more intense tomorrow, or maybe not.  But I'm starting to see some nice definition in my arms which I want to keep up.

Trying not to think about work hardly at all today, but I do have a few files that are weighing heavily on my mind, and so now that I've typed that here, I won't spend one more minute of life today thinking or feeling about it until Monday.

Chilly, windy, but sunny today.  Definitely feeling like fall today, but will have one more warm-up towards next weekend.  As long as I don't have to turn on the AC, I'll be fine with that.

Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/09/2018:
We have the same weather...and it's kind of nice. I would love a new refrigerator...this is the smallest one we have ever had...and it is kind of a pain....but it fits into the space...so a replacement probably wouldn't help much....but have fun with your new one.....exercise pain...the only pain that kinda feels good!!!

graindart on 09/09/2018:
Has transitioned quickly from summer weather to autumn weather here. Forecast has us dropping into the high 30's for a low later this week.

Good job on the weights.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/11/2018:
i love it when the changes are visually taking place from renewed efforts to a certain part of physical training. i am getting better definition here and there in my legs from doing the squats ...and they have become slightly easier...so wonderful here too! congrats to you too!

yes, no need to hound your thoughts on work on your day off :)

Donkey - Saturday Sep 08, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.0

Today is not off to the best start. Bad weigh-in, the Ironman scale wasn't any kinder, registering at 131.6.

Discouraged... Frustrated... Angry.

Taking husband to the doctor this morning. Refrigerator comes late this afternoon. Life can start returning to normal.

It's frustrating when you do everything right and you gain weight.

Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!

graindart on 09/08/2018:
I won't try to come up with reasons for the scale uptick, you know all the possibilities (water, salt, muscle gain, etc). It doesn't matter the reason, it just sucks.

Even though the scale number is discouraging, you still have the same exact 2 options. Stay on plan or fall off the wagon. Stay on plan and next weigh-in will probably be back down into the 120's again. Fall off the wagon and feel even more discouraged / frustrated / angry for additional weeks in a row.

Donkey on 09/08/2018:
Yes - THIS. No sense in wasting time in self-loathing or hating the scale. Forget all that negativity. Who needs that? NOT ME.

I've got to focus FORWARD on what I can do/change NOW -- not was or has been. I'm staying on plan, and my part of my plan for today and this week is to start working with weights again.

happy-1 on 09/08/2018:
You are working hard! If you are having a hard time sticking to your plan, maybe write it on paper and color it in green whenever you complete a square. Weirdly motivating to be able to do that. I swear I get so much satisfaction out of marking something green.

Donkey on 09/08/2018:
I've used this technique in the past for other situations. I don't know why I didn't think of doing it for this one. There is something terribly satisfying about checking off a box or filling in a square to see a visual pattern.

This might help me monitor better what works and what doesn't - rather than just writing down numbers on a calendar booklet.

Maria7 on 09/08/2018:
Could it be extra sodium? Happy for you over your refrigerator. :-)

Donkey on 09/09/2018:
It could be. My ring was tight.

The new refrigerator is completely overwhelming -- way too many features, functions, etc. --- so I'm still trying to figure it out. But it looks pretty- and it keeps the food cold, which is what is important.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/09/2018:
take a deep breath about the weight gain...you need to consider the time of the month, sodium like Maria said, and all factors.

next, you will have to debate if you can make changes to keep weight lower if that's your wish.

good luck at dr and thank gosh the fridge is coming <3

keep your head up, do not be so angry with the scale...be true to yourself. see if there were things you didn't count, extra cheese, or something like that. the weight gain may not be from this week....when i'm eating more cals, the weight shows up like 2 weeks later.

Donkey on 09/09/2018:
It probably was some sodium, like Maria said, even though I don't like to admit it. Also, yes, hormones.

Like Gains said, I can choose to go off the deep end, or I can choose to stay on path. So anger will serve me not.

BearCountryGG on 09/09/2018:
No need to get angry...it's just a snapshot in time....it's not permanent…..that is why I only weigh in when I feel a difference...it keeps the disappointment away.

Donkey on 09/09/2018:
Yep, absolutely --- I had forgotten this. Thank you for the reminder. Breathe... breathe... breathe... :-)

Donkey - Friday Sep 07, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

What a week... and I still have to get through today.

There's been a lot of stress lately: work (of course), but also with my home life. My husband is completely stressed out and it is affecting many aspects of home.

Regretfully (?), I took this week off from weight training, although I caught myself 2x tempted to pick up the weights and do something. That MUST be a good sign.

So my focus this weekend is less stress.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 09/08/2018:
Hugs. You are a tough cookie. Remember to take time for self care. This was a good list of ideas on Pinterest: https://pin.it/3cdn2lchdimtba

I liked the coloring book idea.

Horn_of_plenty on 09/09/2018:
it's ok to take breaks from weightlifting here and there :)

your husband needs a hobby at home, i think...

good job getting thru the week.

my weeks have been extra chaotic too....i'm going to have to say "no" to people soon...in terms of plans / activities / commitments so that my own goals are not negatively impacted due to being too tired & stressed to work out!

keep your head up. remember you are working and your husband is not...he needs to remember this, too.

Donkey - Wednesday Sep 05, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Yesterday was quite stressful. Very busy at work. I'm not sure having a day off for a holiday is really worth it.

They are making changes at the law firm to make Queen Bee the "face" of the firm. So I'm trying to keep everything positive and helpful, even though you know how repulsive this is to me.

Not having a real refrigerator is more stressful than I thought. I've cut up ALL of my raw vegetables and will keep them at work, bringing small portions home for my dinner. The broccoli and cauliflower heads were taking up a LOT of room in the coolers. Now that extra room can be filled with cold packs and ice bags.

I worked too hard, too long, and stayed up too late. I MUST set boundaries today for myself today & tonight to get rest. I skipped weights yesterday; I'm probably going to skip again today <<

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 09/05/2018:

graindart on 09/05/2018:
Good job on making it still work even without a refrigerator. I'd probably have just used it as an excuse to go off-plan and eat out at restaurants daily.

horn_of_plenty on 09/05/2018:
i'm glad the fridge thing worked out for yesterday and that you and your husband worked so well as a team :)

good job prepping despite lack of fridge at home...i'm glad you had the day off bc if you remember you needed a fridge! LOL...

proud of you.

let Queen B be the "face." you gotta better things to do ;)

happy-1 on 09/08/2018:
i had no fridge while my parents were doing Optifast... It was really hard. I had to keep food in my car in an ice chest. I found that wrapping coolers in that reflectix material that they make windshield screens really extended the ice a lot. 2 days or more.

Donkey - Monday Sep 03, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Well, so much for relaxing and sleeping this holiday. The refrigerator has died, pretty much. I was up at midnight moving food into coolers. Thank goodness we have an extra freezer in the garage to keep all of my lovely vegetables safe, as well as the meat that husband bought. Took me until after 3a to fall back asleep... grrrr... So today I will be shopping for a new refrigerator. I hope that husband and I can come to some sort of agreement on what to buy and how much to spend. Friends, believe me when I say that this is not on my list of fun things to do.


Apparently, we are the only ones whose refrigerator died.  The models in stock for next day delivery were few and far.  While we were waiting to see if they had a particular model in stock, I saw a couple walk up to the other salesperson, who said, in response to "Can I help you?":  Yes, we are looking for a refrigerator and we're buying TODAY.  LOL -- get in line sweetie!  

It turns out that the one that my husband and I could agree on was not in stock - of course, right?   I made the suggestion that we get a dorm sized refrigerator for just our immediate refrigeration needs now, and order the one that we really want, rather than just settling and not being happy.  It's something that I've wanted to do for a while - get a small refrigerator, probably for the basement or for daughter if she goes away to college.  It won't go to waste.

But one of the sweetest things my husband said to me as we were in the car was this:  "I don't know how you can be so calm about this.  I am totally stressed out."  Aww, this is why I love the guy.  We work together as a team.  This wasn't pleasant, but I was happy that he was there with me, and I think, from his comment, he was happy that I was with him, too.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 09/03/2018:
DANG! appliances...

How old is your fridge?

At least it is Labor Day, you will find a good sale, i am quite sure!...so sorry though!!!!

If you go for simple, you can save a lot of cash...maybe don't splurge too much on this fridge, so sorry.

at least you have the day to do it...i may go shopping, too, for some extra things if i have time.

Donkey on 09/03/2018:
It was 11 years old? But it had a manufacturer's defect from Day One. The ice maker was defective, causing the circuit panel to short out. Repeatedly. Disconnecting the ice maker was the only solution.

I will never buy another LG refrigerator - EVER.

graindart on 09/03/2018:
I hate the cost and craftsmanship of today's appliances. My grandparents had one set of appliances as long as I knew them. My parents had one set of appliances for 20+ years when I was growing up. My family and I have been in this house for 13 years and we've gone through a couple microwaves, couple dishwashers, and major surgery on a more expensive stove/oven setup. The fridge is still working, but the ice maker has been replaced and is still finicky. After having the same stove for 20+ years, my parents replaced it and the new one only lasted about 5 years before quitting. With as much as these appliances cost now, you'd think they'd last for more than a few years each.

Donkey on 09/03/2018:
AGREED. The saving graces were that there WAS a Labor Day sale on appliances this weekend AND the store we went to gives a 10% discount to veterans.

To continue along on your commentary, we're looking to replacing the dishwasher and microwave -- both which are hanging on by the grace of God -- and BOTH which are 11 years old :(

BearCountryGG on 09/03/2018:
Well...they just don't make things like they used too!!! That is right up there with a necessary evil.

Donkey on 09/03/2018:
Yep... But as I try to remind myself, It could have been worse. I'd rather take this over flooding or fire damage.

happy-1 on 09/05/2018:
hugs. that is awful... but bearable. a tiny fridge is a good idea... but maybe a friend has one to lend?

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