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Donkey - Saturday Oct 27, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 125.5

Using the protein bars for breakfast was successful.  That is probably the only successful thing that happened this week.

I took a look back at my written log for the Ironman scale - the one that measures fat%, water %, muscle %, and bone density.  It's telling me that I've lost mostly muscle, which makes sense since I haven't been doing weights for about 3 weeks.  So what do I do?  Do I start weights up again and gain weight?  (Don't talk to me about good weight versus bad weight, muscles weighs more than fat, blah blah blah.  It's all about the numbers.)  If I do start up weights, do I keep it light and low?  Or focus on the heavier weights?  Maybe just push-ups and planks for something different?

In order to cheer myself up at work, I started listening to Christmas music on my computer.  I keep the volume low, with my speakers at around 25 9out of 100) -- but of course, you know my co-workers: critical comments abound.

In my efforts to downsize and pack to move - which now isn't happening for another few years - I do not have the usual Halloween decorations this year.  I'm kind of sad about that, but decided to get 2 more pumpkins to carve, for a total of 3.  Each one can go in a flower pot that I have in the front yard.  I'm hoping that carving pumpkins will help cheer me up a little bit.

Monday, the daughter is driving out to Iowa to meet up with the Boyfriend (who is no longer the Boyfriend, I guess), to get some personal property and maybe talk things out in person.  This was the weekend he was supposed to be here for a visit.  I'm still grieving, I guess. 

Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/27/2018:
I'm not the person to talk about exercise....I guess my question is where/when do you feel your best? When are you your happiest? When it comes to the scale...or the size clothing we wear...basically...we are the only ones with that info (other than here of course where we tell on ourselves daily...LOL)……..…….I vote for doing what brings you joy, because being miserable is just plain miserable. Life is short....do the best you can, be happy and have fun with it...maybe do what you did before but half the amount, play your Christmas music when you exercise if it makes you happy.....life is short, I say do what you like/love to do.....the outcomes will show themselves...you can adjust then.

Donkey on 10/28/2018:
Yep, I might have to focus on joy right now - or at least what doesn't make me unhappy.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/28/2018:
i think keep the weights light and low at first just to get into the motion of it!

will you please post a photo of your carved pumpkins!

i wonder if she really has much at his place...hmmm...

happy-1 on 11/01/2018:

Donkey - Thursday Oct 25, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Taking a little time for myself before I leave for work, rather than getting to work early...

I'm so sad.  My daughter seems to have broken up with her boyfriend, so he will not be visiting us this weekend.  I understand why she's breaking up, but I'm just so sad for both of them, individually.  He is such a nice young man, if somewhat unambitious.  They are both young though, so ... maybe it wasn't meant to be.  There is another young man that has been in my daughter's life since they were in 6th grade together, and I would be OK if that came to fruition, but for now, they are just friends.  He's in college in Iowa and she's here trying to figure out her next step.

Is it possible to accept something on a logical level, and yet feel a lot of grief and sadness on an emotional level?

This month has had way too much sadness in it for little Donkey....

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/25/2018:
Yes...very logical...it sounds like he had become a part of your family.....when we had foster children leave it was always hard....like a mini death for all of us...we knew they were out there somewhere...but not with us....it was sad.

Donkey on 10/26/2018:
YES - THIS is exactly how I feel. Thank you...

Horn_of_plenty on 10/25/2018:
yes, it's very logical to accept something but still feel sadness and grief. an exact similar thing happened to me today and i did have a cry over the logic thing that R and I cannot ever date as i always knew...but now i'm actually realizing i need to completely distance myself from him and the relationship will change and be very much like acquaintances instead of good friends. he embarassed me today publicly doing what he always does: he says he will not be told what to do, acting always however he wants without thinking how his actions affect those that are close to him.

My friend type relationship with R has plunged for the worst. Without going into detail bc it's just so stupid a situation, he threw a very light package at my feet because i didn't leave his apt lobby fast enough bc he wanted to speak with someone and i didn't oblige his command to get outta there...public humiliation and embarrassment aren't acceptable. this is one of the reasons i cannot date him. He's extremely unpredictable and i think he's bipolar. either way, i'm done with him for the time being....as it upset me so much that he'd ever embarrass me, in public, in front of other people. not acceptable behavior. and i'm embarrassed.

I know your daughter is really young and just starting out her real adult life...you, J donk, are a person that actually feels others' feelings...you understand people on a really deep level, more than the avg person i think! so, let your daughter continue and move forward, please don't be too sad....life has to have ups and downs so we understand and live a little...time to learn from relationships to improve on them in the future and learn what we want in them. so, your daughter is living life i'd say :) if anything, maybe i can suggest you smile about it...because you see your daughter moving forward, making decisions, changing :)

Bless you, J donk, for your deep connection emotionally to people. I think you really do have a gift! :)

Donkey on 10/26/2018:
Thank you for your kind words. And yes, I agree, logically, at least, that this is my daughter living her life and doing what she feels is right for her.

Along similar lines of what happened to you, she had a change of heart when they had an argument about a month ago.

happy-1 on 11/01/2018:
Or look at it as she is strong and able to identify when something just isn’t working.

Donkey - Tuesday Oct 23, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Taking a little time for myself this morning to write in DD...

I ended up going to work yesterday afternoon from abou 1:30p to 5:15p.  My co-worker did a fabulous job of keeping up, although I did find a few things that she hadn't followed through on.  Had I been gone for longer, they would have popped up though.  So I am completely caught up.

The final push to go to work yesterday was that my husband was in a lot of pain and very crabby with everyone.   He was snapping at everyone and throwing tantrums and yelling.  After he finally snapped at the last person in the house, I said, "Are you in a lot of pain today?" and when he admitted it, then everything made sense (unfortunately).

So today starts a short-term experiment with having protein bars for breakfast.  I bought a box of Quest bars in chocolate fudge brownie, which was rather expensive, if I do say so.  I thought I might not have enough, though, for both myself and husband (if he should happen to get desperately hungry, which he did), so I bought a box of peanut butter chocolate crunch variety, from Aldi.  They don't have a brand name -- Evolution, maybe they're called?  IDK...  The Quest ones were awful - you could totally tell they were sugar free, but my husband, who is picky about sugar free, thought they were good.  He must have been VERY hungry.  I have one bar left.

I thought the peanut butter ones were better, and they were cheaper too.

I usually have 2 breakfasts: one at 9am and one at 10:45a or 11am.  Lunch is usually at 1pm at my desk, after my walk. Snack at 3pm. 

I didn't weigh in when I returned from Vegas (because it wasn't Saturday), so I won't have a numbers measurement of success, but this is experiment isn't really about numbers, but rather finding a breakfast that works for me.  I DO NOT LIKE "fake" food, and since these are kind of expensive, I don't see this as being a long-term thing, but let's see how they work for a week. :)

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/23/2018:
HOP told me about microwaving the Quest bars...that may help. I just like bars...any kind...I don't think I have ever found one that I didn't like....but Quest bars are a type all by themselves....I actually think I could break a tooth on them...LOL

horn_of_plenty on 10/23/2018:
yes, if you microwave them 10-20 minutes depending on microwave strength and make sure they do not melt!...it'll be very nice more like a brownie ! i only would eat them microwaved after i tried it and liked it...

i like many bars too...i find they hit the spot at certain times of day :)

horn_of_plenty on 10/23/2018:
i agree with you that quest bars have a certain taste / consistacny / are not sweet...

i hate fake food too..it's gotta taste good / real

most bars i ate are more natural than other protein brands...like my atkins bar of coconut is mostly the coconut! :)

happy-1 on 11/01/2018:
I’m not big on quest bars. rx bars are my addiction. very satisfying when chilled.

Donkey - Monday Oct 22, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Oh how nice it is to get up in the morning and exercise!  How I missed my bike    But I do not regret my little vacation, because it was time for a break from the routine, for sure.

How nice it was to put collagen in my morning coffee!  Last night, I was really looking forward to that this morning.  However, unless I see significant improvement in my hair, I will not buy another cannister of this stuff.  Just not my thing...

I'm going to finish unpacking, fold laundry, pay bills, and then try to get out there and pick up branches for tomorrow's garbage/yard-waste pick-up.  I still want to get some kind of walk in today, if I can.  Chilly but sunny and clear out.

Athough I have to run this by Mr. Donkey, I've decided that if we are going to move out to the Vegas area to be closer to family, we should take a trip out there in the summer to see if either of us can tolerate the heat.  Chicago summers are generally hot and HUMID and very buggy, which is not good for my husband's medical condition -- but I do not know if I could stand the temperatures that they have out there in the summer, like that.  Also, I think I would really miss Midwestern winters, even if they are miserable. 

On the plus side to my plan, by then, my brother might have his swimming pool installed.  Double win for Donkey.  The problem with this plan is that July/August is super busy for real estate, so taking ANY time off puts me hopelessly behind.  

If I win the Power Ball or Mega Millions lottery though, this is all moot (LOL)...

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/22/2018:
I'm sure your family would love to have you out in Vegas with them...that sounds like fun!!! That lottery...WHOA!

legcramps on 10/22/2018:
Nice to be home isn't it?! I know when I got back from my summer holidays, it felt so good just to sleep in my own bed, and then have my 'option' back - like being able to go to the gym, or head out on a bike ride if I wanted to. So nice!

Sounds like that would be a big move for you guys, and kind of exciting! If you make the decision to move, I know you will be able to work through the obstacles :)

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
Home Sweet Home - wherever that may be :)

BearCountryGG on 10/22/2018:
Well...one thing is for sure...….you wouldn't have to work with the nasties anymore...win...win!!

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
Right? :D You so totally get me :)

horn_of_plenty on 10/22/2018:
I know what you mean about breaks from routine...i'll not be taking breaks yet, but will prob have to take a day off here and there missing workouts due to my schedule. i'll not regret it too much, except that workouts will be a slight struggle if i miss too many!

it's not my thing either with the collagen...i never got hooked. i once made sugar free jells...they were good! but i sorta ruined the pot!

i hope you got a walk in!?

well, you can take a WEEK off maybe early in the season...right before you get busy...or with time still to catch up!? you gotta enjoy the swimming pool!

my office all put in the for lotto!

Donkey - Sunday Oct 21, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

I'm home - and so happy to be home!  Even though Vegas was nice & warm and I came home to cold and windy.  I couldn't wait to get back to eating vegetables - LOTS of vegetables like I like to eat them.  And definitely needed to get back on my exercise bike.  SO tired of eating out, eating big breakfasts, and so tired of spending large portions of time just SITTING.  For example, my mom drove me to do something somewhere, and the ride was an hour and a half!  My poor Fitbit kept notifying me that it's time to move, and I just wasn't in a position to do so, which in turn kind of made me a little said at each 10-minutes-to-the-hour until 7pm when the Fitbit notifications turn off.  I did get some walking in, and a great hike up Mount Charleston, but it's not the same thing as being consistently active throughout the day.

As I was packing last night, I said to myself, "I can't wait to get home and lose weight!"  

I took tomorrow off too, but I'm thinking I might go in around 1pm to use the afternoon to catch up on my files, which would make Tuesday a real work day, i.e. back on track.  I have a little unpacking left to do and some bill-paying.  I want to get back into my exercise routine and maybe go for a morning walk, before I go back to work.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 10/21/2018:
You are so awesome. Do you know that?

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
Actually, no, I don't.... Thank you for saying so :)

happy-1 on 10/21/2018:
And I had a fitbit thrill today too when I saw my 10,000 step reward

happy-1 on 10/21/2018:
No catching up on files. Stay home and take a bath, do your nails. Practice self care

Donkey on 10/22/2018:
I am seriously taking this under consideration. The ONLY reason for going in today would be to make tomorrow (Tuesday) easier for me.

Donkey - Tuesday Oct 16, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

So today was very difficult, as we said good bye to our beloved kitty. This was a difficult day.

As hard as this was, it was not particularly conducive to restrictive eating. Exercise was helpful, as a diversion.

Finally, just wanted to say that it seems that collagen in my hot coffee seems to be the solution to my dilemma for the remainder of my supply.

I'm glad today is over.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/17/2018:
i'm glad you found a spot to dump your collagen! :) woohoo! it's a healthy!

next, sorry about your kitty. she's in a better place now, thankfully! i do hope you will be a kitty mom again because you show them the love and care they need.

also, i wanted to tell you, i'm contemplating a cat. however, with my inability to know what the future holds with work, it seems i cannot get one?

should i wait till i know what's happening in 2020?

or should i get one and possibily have to give it to someone else and/or give it to a shelter then?

BearCountryGG on 10/17/2018:
Losing a pet is so hard, but you seem to be dealing with it as well as can be expected...…...you knew it was coming and that does help a little....but I remember the sadness when we lost well loved pets.....so I hesitate to get another.

Donkey on 10/18/2018:
Yes, I told everyone that we're taking a break from getting another family member, and we will enjoy the remaining kitty, Boo (who has decided that she really only belongs to my daughter) for a bit.

BearCountryGG on 10/17/2018:
This morning my oldest son is facing the last couple of days on his beautiful large poodles life.....Jester isn't eating or going to the bathroom....he's been seeing this coming for a while...and now a couple of people are going there today to say goodbye to him......we are sad for Jester and son T...this is the absolute worst and saddest part of having pets.

Donkey on 10/18/2018:
I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree, it's the worst part :(

happy-1 on 10/17/2018:
I 100% believe we all meet up on the other side. God wouldn't stick us without our furkids for eternity.

Donkey on 10/18/2018:
Amen - I believe this too. I don't think the next phase is anything like what we read or imagine it to be.

Maria7 on 10/18/2018:
So sorry to hear about your precious kitty. Take care and do something special for yourself, even if a mug of hot coffee and some relaxation.

Donkey - Sunday Oct 14, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

I want to thank you all for being patient with me and allowing me to vent some of my feelings this past week (or 2).  Even though it wasn't diet-oriented, I think that it shows that no matter what comes our way, consistency is the key.

There's a lady I follow on Facebook who says she's on a weight-loss journey.  She spends a lot of $$$ on Advocare products, although now she gets a discount because she's a distributor.  I'm not sure why she spends the money on these products because she continually falls off the plan whenever something happens, and with 4 kids, a husband, and a large extended family, something is always happening.  For example, her middle-school son broke his leg, so she couldn't handle the stress and quit for 3 weeks, sliding back on any progress she had made before then, since the last drama in her life.  She's trying to grow her Advocare business - and now trying to become a certified personal trainer - but I don't think she's made the connection that she's her best advertisement! 

I'm not quite sure why I follow her, because it frustrates me so... 

Speaking of supplements, I can tell you that I most likely will not be buying any more collagen powder.  I cannot seem to find a medium what it mixes well in.  Horn suggested using a blender, but if I have to use a blender, then I won't use the powder.  Too many dishes to clean afterwards!  I've tried a few things to mix it with:

  1. Oatmeal: changed the taste to yucky
  2. Protein-mix powder with water: coagulated and became a lumpy, watery mess.  Didn't taste too bad, actually, but those lumps were awful - definitely not doing this again.
  3. Ready-to-go protein shake:  again, lumps when mixed, but I did not notice a change in taste.  Just too inconvenient and expensive to do this forever.
  4. Plain full-fat yogurt:  changed the consistency from thick to thin & runny.  Still a few lumps but not as bad as with the protein shakes,  The taste of the yogurt changed, but it was not bad.  But those lumps....  YUCK.

So unless I see a major improvement in hair, I'm not buying more.  I'll finish what I have though.

Taking this week off of weight training too, I think.  Monday and Tuesday are the only normal days I have this week.  OK, I'm calling myself out on this:  Donkey cannot even do 5  minutes devoted to weights?????  (Just like that Facebook lady I talked about up above!)

I was chopping up (with an axe) large branches that fell in the backyard from the last 2 storms we had, and hurt my back.  I got most of it done before I decided to start listening to my back and rest.  How foolish of me!!!  Have I already forgotten how AWFUL it was the last time I hurt my back?  I think I caught myself in time, though, because this morning, only my arms felt that muscle ache, and my back felt fine during my morning bike ride.  Thank goodness for recumbent bikes.

Good health is everything.  Can't buy it, and once it's gone (whether temporary or permanent), everything changes.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2018:
perhaps the collagen works best with hot food? so strange it makes everything runny!

Life is give and take...don't be so hard on yourself for not doing the weights...i have the same problem with cardio...but i will DEF get it in today!

glad you are in better spirits....don't force the collagen.

happy-1 on 10/14/2018:
Try mixing it with turmeric, honey, black pepper, cinnamon, cashew milk. It will act as a thickener and make a pleasant latte.

happy-1 on 10/14/2018:
Here... This recipe is on the right track. Although I'm super confused as to why you are buying collagen powder and not just making bone broth... Especially since you complain about being cold all the time and bone broth is free with your meat purchase ;-)


BearCountryGG on 10/16/2018:
Funny how that lady doesn't realize that if she doesn't walk the walk she is hurting the sales of her product.

Donkey - Saturday Oct 13, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Thank goodness for dreams about McDonalds because it sure has been a sad and stressful time for Donkey.

So, I've been very frustrated/angry/sad/defeated about life in general.  But then, to add to that, my step-father's brother (Uncle John) passed away last week.  So last weekend was his funeral, which suprisingly, seemed to hit me harder than my step-father's death, although I was not particularly close to Uncle John.  At the funeral, though, there were a lot of stories about Uncle John and my step-father, so maybe that had something to do with it?  Or perhaps because his passing was sudden, even though he had been sick for so long. 

Then, I learned that one of my daughter's classmates committed suicide this week, and the funeral Mass is today.  I'm not sure if I'm going.  I didn't know this boy personally, but my daughter had a class with him, and would tell us stories about him at dinner.  He was kind of a square peg in a town of round holes, so I really felt his pain in these stories.  Also, he performed in several high school drama events, so I have seen him perform....

IDK, I'm so angry with the Catholic church (my faith) right now. I haven't been to Mass since December 2016.  I'm not sure I can bring myself to do this.  If my daughter wanted to go and would go, then I'd go with her, of course, but she has to work.  I just don't know.

Then, to top eveything off, my beloved kitty cat has been in the final stages of renal failure for about 2 weeks.  She doesn't seem to be in pain, but watching her decline (literally waste away) has not been easy, not to mention all of the clean-up that is involved, because she's no longer the tidy cat that she used to be.  I don't especially want to put her down because she does not seem to be in pain, plus, the trauma of taking her to the vet would make her last moments in this world, scary and painful, and I do not want that for her, if it can be avoided.

When I weighed in this morning - successfully shedding all of the bloat from last week - I realized that next Saturday, there won't be a weigh-in because I'll be out of town visiting my mom.  And while this is anticipated to be a happy trip, it's still quite stressful for me, as I am not a good traveler.  Plus, my family dynamics are always a little touchy on the toxicity.

But the stress of the upcoming trip hasn't even hit me yet, because the day before we leave, I will miss a full, extra day of work to take my husband to the VA hospital for more medical evaluations.  And that's not stressful either, right????

Thank you for letting me just get that out.


Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/13/2018:
HUGS....That is a lot of sadness all at one time....I think that would get to anyone. But your weigh in was very good...so there was a little brightness in your day....……..

Maria7 on 10/13/2018:
Hope you have a good, safe trip.

Horn_of_plenty on 10/14/2018:
you've definitely had to deal with a lot of emotions and events as of late...remember that you cannot personally have helped or stopped their deaths...and to not let that bring you down too much...and to keep on with your life and maintaining your strength thru these tough times.

happy-1 on 10/14/2018:
HUGS. Breathe.

Donkey - Thursday Oct 11, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 129.5

A little brevity and humor to lighten up my mood:

So right after my last post, I was nominated as a Sparkpeople "Motivator of the Day"... Go figure, just when I'm at my lowest "I QUIT HUMANITY" point, THAT happens.  Can't make this stuff up.

I had a dream earlier this week that I met up with Graindart and his wife at a McDonalds.  My first thought was, "Oh boy, I'm going to get a double Quarter Pounder with cheese!"  I ended up getting a chopped steak salad ("with REAL steak" - from McDonalds??) and Graindart got a protein shake.  I couldn't tell you what he looked like, but he wore a grey t-shirt and dark grey athletic shorts.  His wife though was a lovely person, who looked like a young Elizabeth McGovern (do a quick Google).  Lovely lady who didn't seem to mind that the marathon route went through her kitchen, LOL... 

Feeling a little better, I suppose.  Regardless, I've stayed on track - with the exception of the weight training for this week.

Purchased a container of collagen powder to see if it will help my skin and hair.  I added it to my oatmeal breakfast (1/2 cup, 1/4 cup of walnuts, 1 TBSP of vanilla protein powder, mixed with water) and it changed the consistency of the oatmeal, so I won't do that again.  I'm thinking of adding it to either Greek yogurt or a cold protein shake.  I was advised to try adding it to my coffee, but if that doesn't work, I don't want to throw out my coffee!  (That's a big sin in my house:  we don't waste coffee!)

I have a 28 day supply of collagen, so we'll see where I'm at near the end of November.  I won't have any collagen when I go visit my mom in Vegas next week.

Progress as of today: 57 lbs lost so far, only -7 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 10/11/2018:
Funny dream....Graindarts wife sounds like a great lady.....anyone that allows a marathon to take a route through her house is a fine lady!!! You are a great motivator for me here too....I get why you won!!!

Donkey on 10/13/2018:

BearCountryGG on 10/11/2018:
And by the way...your dream Mickey D's is a real winner!!

graindart on 10/11/2018:
Actually googled E McGovern and surprisingly my wife has a very similar height / weight / body image (but younger).

Everything in your dream sounded ok, except for one glaring mistake. If you see me at McDonald's, I'll be holding a bag of fries (small if on-plan, super-sized if off-plan).

Donkey on 10/13/2018:

BearCountryGG on 10/11/2018:
To Graindart….you mean a marathon route going through your kitchen is okay!!! LOL

Donkey on 10/13/2018:
Ha ha ha!

graindart on 10/11/2018:
Yep, I can let a lot of things slide. But if I'm going to McDonalds, I'm eating fries! That's non-negotiable.

Donkey on 10/13/2018:

happy-1 on 10/11/2018:
Great, now I want a large iced vanilla coffee, bacon-egg biscuit, and hashbrowns.

Donkey on 10/13/2018:
HA HA HA!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 10/11/2018:
i'm a little sad i wasn't part of this awesome dream!? oh man does it sound fun!

and i LOVE LOVE that the marathon ran straight thru her kitchen!!!!!!!! perfect place to load up on some carbs during the run!

if you want to get on track with weight training, you'll have to plan it in, somehow...

...i have the same issue with fitting in cardio runs / bike rides...seems to not be enough downtime / exercise time balance.

nice job staying on track :)

if you add the collagen to your coffee, you may want to BLEND it in using a blender...to make a "keto style" coffee.

horn_of_plenty on 10/11/2018:
same here, mcdonalds is for fries!

BearCountryGG on 10/11/2018:
Hello...is anyone there?? I like to order a big mac meal with a diet cola.....LOL

Donkey on 10/13/2018:
Literally, laughing at my computer !!! :D

Donkey on 10/13/2018:
OMG you guys are cracking me up!!!!

Donkey - Monday Oct 08, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 129.5

Today was another painful day, emotionally... but life goes on, I suppose.

I had initially decided to cut back on weight training until today, but have decided to give myself the entire week off. I'm still doing cardio - to help relieve the physical effects of this stress/depression and to preserve my sanity, whatever that means these days...

I guess what has me really bothered is that the recent course of events has me re-evaluating who I let into my life, and realizing that, in order to preserve my own morals, that I now need to be more selective with my friendships and who I spend my time with, and how.

This includes EVERYONE.

And I hate that it has to be this way, but I'm DONE.

Progress as of today: 57 lbs lost so far, only -7 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 10/08/2018:
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I urge you to refocus a little bit on the good that encompasses you!

When you feel up to it, i'd like to understand more about what you are writing, about your selectivity and friendships. I hope you do not mean the ones here?

I'd like to understand why morals are involved as most friendships shouldn't (usually) have to fall to the wayside over morals and when they do it's gotta be usually a big deal...

I'd like to give my opinions more, but not sure exactly what you are fully writing about and the personal situations involved.

I am sorry you aren't feeling like your more typical Donkey ways!

Donkey on 10/09/2018:
I'm trying to work things out.

graindart on 10/09/2018:
Life goes on, until it doesn't. (light-hearted joke)

Nothing to say, just letting you know we're here and reading your posts.

Donkey on 10/09/2018:
Thank you.

BearCountryGG on 10/09/2018:
I'm sorry to hear that you are not happy right now.....but just keep in mind that while now is difficult...this too shall pass.....it always does...time heals all wounds and keep looking for the happy things...they are there...they just need to be discovered sometimes…...you can do it. I believe in you friend.

happy-1 on 10/09/2018:
Hugs. Put on some Nina Simone today and embrace the anger and sucky feelings. Ignore the cult of happy that implies you just need to change perspective and be happy again. I dunno what happened, but some people suck and you should just get rid of them. http://www.diycouturier.com/post/47249603128/21-tips-to-keep-your-****-together-when-youre

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