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Donkey - Sunday Jul 10, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 182.0

Weigh in this week was not good.  Up 4 pounds...  I was so down on myself yesterday that I could not bring myself to write a weekly diary entry, so I waited a day thinking the "blues" would pass, and I think they have, but right now I'm very distracted with anxiety about money matters.  Had an expensive car problem this week and I'm waiting for all the funds to transfer and pay-off so that I know my accounts are reconciled.  Until then (which will be Monday), I feel paralyzed and anxious about where we're at with our money.

Despite the additional stress and uncertainty, I feel that I was able to keep a positive attitude at work.  Friday was crazy, so I texted my husband and asked him out on a date, even though we had just had one last weekend.  (You see, we had a good coupon that is going to expire, and this weekend was better for that than this weekend.  And I really wanted to just go out and relax with my husband.)  That was very enjoyable, but I'm also afraid that the extra food was the cause of the weight gain this week.  Meh - gotta live a little.

Still feeling like I'm in limbo though.  Need a little push forward and momentum to keep it up.  Still feeling stalled and stuck.

Progress as of today: 4.5 lbs lost so far, only 27 lbs to go!

thinkpositive on 07/11/2016:
For me, I have to change thinks up to get out of a stalled situation. Hard when you have problems to contend with. Hope things work out.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/12/2016:
Hi Donkey. I am sorry to hear about the car and money demands. But i am glad that at work you are working on feeling good and its paying off as i have read good things here in this entry regarding your work so be proud of yourself. And also it sounds so nice what you are doing with your hubby. You can choose veggies when you go out? or get protein atop lots of veggies if possible?

I think that more of the issue in the first half your entry is about anxiety / depression. I think you might be making the situations worse in your head by constantly thinking the worst? I have also dealt with some anxiety (more than depression i think)...and i know I am a person that struggles to always be positive. Some people have hard lives (harder than both of us), and are always happy. Not sure how they do it (and i still think some of it is because of ignorance?)...but i have a feeling you you will definitely get thru your situation...and you do know you will too...just try to look at it as "life" and a negative situation that will pass. I also get anxious when in the moment of it.

I also spent a lot of $$ past couple weeks, so i also have to work on my cash flow...hope to be back on track by August...

Donkey - Monday Jul 04, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 178.5

No weigh-in this week... 

After I wrote my last entry, it dawned on me how STUCK I've been.  I didn't even realize it until I read what I wrote, and I'm like, "I keep writing the same thing over and over again!" 

So this past week, I've been working on changing my attitude and it has paid off for me and hopefully for those I work and interact with.  I come home at the end of the day and I'm happy to be with my family, having dinner with the kids and sometimes my husband (if he isn't sleeping).  I go to work and approach each day as a fresh opportunity, grateful that I have a job.  I've started setting limits at work too, more selective on which phone calls I take and drawing a line at when I stop answering emails so that I can get out at a decent hour.

I've been without goals for myself for quite some time. I think that would help to have some goals.  I'm not sure where to start.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 23.5 lbs to go!

puddles on 07/04/2016:
Sounds like a great plan to keep yourself on the positive side and having a attitude of being grateful not only for the big things but also all the little things that sometimes we take for granted. Enjoy your day. Good Luck on setting goals for yourself.

Horn_of_plenty on 07/04/2016:
This entry is outstanding J. You are focused on the right thing. You are aiming for moderation. Your approach is centered and strong. I like this entry and I support you 100%.

Donkey - Saturday Jun 25, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 178.5

It has not been a good 2 weeks diet-wise.

I actually caught myself "anxiety eating" -- a small step away from a binge -- TWICE.  That was 2 weeks ago, so I decided to cut myself some slack and not weigh in last week.  This week, I did better with the mindful eating but made poor choices.  And gained another pound.

Not this week but last week, I forced my boss' hand and asked him to fire my assistant.  The whole situation was so toxic, personality wise and she made a LOT of mistakes on every file that she touched that it was getting to the point where I didn't want her touching ANY of my files in fear that they would be riddled with typos, mixed up data and wrong deadline dates.

So she had to go, but I still felt really bad that the whole situation didn't work out. And now we're out extra help because the boss is thinking that in another 2 months, we won't be as busy, and he doesn't want to have to let another person go.

Things have got to change.  I'm not sure how to go about it, but I know that the change begins with me.

I'm so busy at work that I'm not available to work on other types of files that I would like to work on to learn new skills.  I know this will change when the real estate season moderates in the fall, but in the meantime, I'm feeling frustrated and jealous of my co-workers.

I'm jealous that my other co-workers get to take vacations during the summer, but I cannot because of my workload and my money situation.  Even a day off would set me back over 100 emails.

On the happy side, I've had a couple of really nice dinners with my family this week.  Also, my daughter is helping me out (somewhat) at work with opening files, so at least I can keep my head above water with the workload.

Need to find a balance or a happy place during the day where I can find some relief/joy.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 23.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/26/2016:
okay...honestly, if a day off is going to be a nice thing and you will enjoy it: TAKE A DAY OFF. If EVERYONE is taking days in summer, there's no reason that you can't. Forget about the emails & your work situation, and enjoy a day if you have a vacation day to use!

I have been at my company now for 5 1/2 years. I can't believe it most of the time. It's a very long time for ME to work at one job. Like you, I've moved around a LOT...anyways, what i see is that people who never take days off are the sickest and have the most general problems. Take a day J, you'll enjoy it. But you cannot regret it! Life is not all work, you need to enjoy life outside of work also on your time off...so (now i'm thinking about my own day that i WILL ENJOY after writing this message to you!!)...so go and enjoy the time you aren't working Donkey! or what's the point of all this hard work! it's not supposed to only give stress. so take a breather & a day off...

Finding a balance means not only focusing on work but also your life outside of it :-)

By the way, I also struggle with balance. So i understand.

Donkey - Sunday Jun 05, 2016
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 177.5

I wanted to reflect on the eating part of my journey.  Part of my "diet" approach is to cut down on white carbs.  I'm not counting anything, but just try to make better choices, focusing more on fruits, vegetables, and protein (nuts, beans, meat).  Carbs like sweet potato are OK.  Rice and unprocessed white potato with skin are OK in modified amounts.

So I was doing pretty good, but then last weekend my son graduated from high school, so I went off of the low-carb for Saturday celebration cake, Saturday dinner, and most of Sunday.

On Monday, I was back on plan, because as Horn of Plenty says, it's the getting back on track that's the most important.  OMGosh, at work -- at my very stressful job -- by 4:30pm, I was ready to tear people's heads off.  In fact, before low carb, when I'm at work, a lot of times at around 3:30pm I would kill for a potato chip.  when I got home, it was all I could do to stop myself from going to the freezer and taking out the leftover grad cake and eating the whole thing.  But I didn't!

On Tuesday, I felt much better, but then it hit me that Monday was about carb withdrawl. So I learned something about myself.  When I turn back to the carbs, I have to really get back on track ASAP and it will be hard, but worth the effort.  "To eat in a way that honors myself."



Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 22.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
You know, i'm gonna comment now because after reading this entry, i must add my "two cents."

I used to be more extreme low carb. And it actually was more difficult than eating more carbs and staying on track...what i'm saying is, carbs are good. I do not recommend staying low carb unless it's really balanced with the high fat and everything...

when i eat carbs, i have sometimes noticed a very dramatic shift to a more positive mood. I don't eat a ton of carbs, but i usually do include them in my meals more often. Though in small amounts still.

like, at lunch, my carbs might be a small 100-120 cal bag of popcorn. or on other days, i may eat a butter small bag of popcorn 200 cals. i do eat normal amounts of carbs like that at times. That's just the carb part of my lunch. there's also the protein and veggies...

but like i was saying, if you are really run-down or miserable, adding in some carbs (the whole grains are a great idea as well as sweet potatoes) may help lighten your mood and help you feel better. it's proven somewhat...

MyGiftedLife on 06/05/2016:
I can so relate to the stress at work job -- my time is 3pm-ish EVERY day... I try to pack tons of good snacks, but when I'm not able, it's extremely difficult to stay the course.. CONGRATULATIONS for doing it on Monday!!! WOW!! That's great.. And, I do agree with Horn of Plenty... I too try to stay away from a lot of carbs, but when I do have some, I notice my mood is better too, and it helps me stay course.. I have to remember that..

So proud we're all working towards these goals which will make us feel so much better.. Have a great night!!

Donkey - Sunday Jun 05, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 177.5

Not happy with this week's weigh-in --- up 2.5 pounds, but I'm hoping that's due to water weight, considering extenuating circumstances of what was on my plate the night before weigh-in.

So, to help me over the busy summer months, the boss suggested that my daughter pick up some hours at the firm, because our new hire is making so many mistakes.  During her training, my daughter texted my husband (Dad) that if she had my job, she would shoot herself because it's that bad.  "All she does is sit in front of her computer and scream." --- Yep, I probably do, between computer problems with Outlook continually locking up and clients who decide to change their mind but don't tell me, it gets pretty darn frustrating.

Still, it was quite refreshing and yet alarming to see someone else's perspective.

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 22.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2016:
Gonna comment here first, because it's darn later than i thought lol. but that's not a bad thing at all!

I want to say that your daughter is young. Please do NOT go by what she observes at work. Most people do not LOVE their jobs. But you do need to work to make money and live the other portions of your life that are outside of work...

You seemed to be doing much better with your work, and you've been positive. That's why i struggle to understand why this entry had to be this way? Be confident! You can do this & are doing this.

Maybe the only thing is to try to be more positive at work? Set a good example for your daughter?

Hey, i'm not there, so i know my advice may not be applicable, just trying to help :)

Donkey - Monday May 30, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 175.0

No weigh-in this week, although this is probably the time that I need it most!  With my son's graduation from high school, visiting relatives, and being away from home, my low-carb & vegetable options have been limited.  Plus, I was at the point where I needed to just relax and enjoy.

I'm grateful for this long holiday.  I'm tempted to go into the office a little bit today, but not really.  I need a holiday.  I wish I could do this every month -- take an extra day off for a long weekend, but if I did, I would come back to over 100 emails.  So that's a no-win.

We did hire someone who I thought could eventually cover for me in my absence, but she is really not capable of doing anything other than data entry.

It just occurred to me that I might feel a little Zen if I took walks in the morning.  It's hard to get up early though when you're exhausted and dreading the work day ahead.

At any rate, I'm going to enjoy today, that's for sure!


Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/31/2016:
Hey Donkey...!

You sound happy in this entry. Happy and more carefree. keep going this way, you are doing really well right now.

Congrats to your son on his graduation - that's a HUGE accomplishment and you must be so proud of him.

well, i'll say if you can get enough sleep, try for a few little walks in mornings. maybe try it 1x in the week only...then move on to 2x. The walk may only be 10-15 minutes at first. It's a big change to not walking in mornings.

Donkey - Saturday May 21, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 175.0

Just checking in to mark the 10lb loss milestone of my year of self-improvement.  I'm about 10lbs away from a fabulous, professional waredrobe (handed down from someone else who lost weight).

Still struggling to find a work-life balance, but not going to give up.

Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 20 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 05/21/2016:
Well done!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/22/2016:
Congrats to you!

work/life balance will always be a struggle, but it's up to you to either let it bring you down....or for you to overcome it and continue to strive for it. it's always a challenge between work & personal freedom which i guess work makes impossible? but it's worth it to rise to that challenge...!

Donkey - Saturday May 14, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 178.5

I CAN DO IT!!!!!!!

Random thoughts and happenings this week:

I had not planned on weighing in this morning (because of hormonal fluctuations which can throw off a weigh in), and I'm not sure why I did anyway -- I guess because I felt compelled to stick to this and weigh in -- good or bad.  Pleasantly surprised to see a loss -- my efforts have paid off!

The change in my eating has paid off with a small but significant weight loss (significant to me).  I have joined in my "dieting" co-workers in eating better: more fruits and vegetables, less meat,definitely less bread, more water.  It has been hard because when I'm stressed out at work, all I want to do is reach for a bowl of chips.  This week was one of my co-workers' birthday, so there was a delicious cake but I didn't have any, and felt much better for passing.

I'm doing some reading on living a more balanced life - internally, if not externally.  I suppose you could say that the readings are along the lines of Buddist thinking but I've found them helpful in putting things into perspective.  I try hard now to decompress for 30 minutes after work before eating... chatting with my family, maybe drinking a little wine or some seltzer, just letting the stress of the work day melt away before sitting down to dinner...

I didn't have time to make a lunch on Friday, and nobody was going to the deli (so that I could get a salad), so I decided to go home for lunch.  I'm so glad I did!  It was a beautiful day, and I took the opportunity to enjoy it on my way home.  Had a much healthier lunch than I would have had I stayed at work. And enjoyed the beautiful weather on the way back to the office.  I'm thinking this might be something to incorporate on a regular basis:  go home for lunch once a week.

I have more plans for my self-enrichment, which I will begin to add gradually.  On my list:  regular exercise (good for the body, mind, and soul), practicing Spanish to become more fluent (a promise I made to myself 3 years go that remains unfulfilled), taking a course of study (either self-guided or a structured but free/fun class online) to learn a new skill.

I have more thoughts I'd like to add about my work life, but I don't want to post them now in this entry as it would detract from the positive points I've mentioned here outside of work.



Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 23.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 05/14/2016:
Hey I've lost 8lbs so far!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2016:
thinking of you & will comment more soon!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/16/2016:
See! congrats on your great loss & adding in the very powerful activity of positive thinking. When we feel we are capable is when we truly are able to reach our goals. This is how i'm approaching the rest of this month as well!

When i slimmed down for my sister's wedding, i was able to do so because i believed it was possible. I am trying to go back to this mindset now!

Our power to succeed rests a lot in our minds and what we think we are capable of. Proud of you!....you are doing great. Keep thinking this way, and don't forget about the good you are achieving within yourself.

Donkey - Sunday May 08, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 180.0

I haven't posted in a while because I keep forgetting to weigh in. In one sense, this is good because it means I'm not obsessed over numbers, but that's about the only silver lining.  Truth be told, I'm having a hard time staying focused, staying committed to taking better care of myself and to improving myself - as evidenced by teetering around the 180lbs mark, no consistent exercise pattern, and extra snacking at night after dinner.

Work has become very stressful.  Very busy, a new co-worker, very busy, a computer that keeps crashing, and very busy.  My workload seems to have doubled, even though we have this new gal to help take over some of my tasks, which she has (albeit not very well).  I know that this will not be forever, since the real estate season tends to taper off in September --- to a manageable "busy" rather than this out-of-control busy I'm at right now.

I'm so busy doing what I do at work, that I'm not allowed to learn other aspects of law, such as helping people set up small businesses or be more involved in estate planning.  This is not good at all, because these are 2 areas that would help me find a better job if I remain a legal assistant.  That my professional growth is being stifled is NOT good.

All of my co-workers, except the new girl -- who eats so fast at lunch:  wolfs down a pork chop lunch in 10 minutes - yikes! -- and my boss, are on a mission to eat better and lose weight.  It's hard for me to join them because I get so stressed out by the middle of the afternoon that I reach for the chips, but I know that is just self-defeating.  So I'm going to make a serious effort to eat better this coming week to establish a new habit.

And I'm going to take some steps to find a new approach to handling all the chaos around me.  If I could just keep my mouth shut, focus on my work, and not get involved in all the other drama and distraction, things might get better.  On the otherhand, it might become overwhelming if I'm silently carrying all of my burdens alone.

What I really need is a new job with insurance benefits, and I'm looking but nothing has come by since the last application I made.  I realize now that what I needed to do was not "dumb down" my resume but make it more customer-service oriented rather than production oriented.  I have been making changes to my resume in my head but not on paper yet.  Challenging and interesting but definitely not an activity that would contribute to the relaxation and calm that I so desperately need right now.


Progress as of today: 6.5 lbs lost so far, only 25 lbs to go!

puddles on 05/08/2016:
Good to hear from you. Consistency is important and also putting yourself first and your health is a must. Drama around does not help. Not sure how you can balance all of that but for me it has proven to be the key to a healthier life. Have a great day.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/09/2016:
Hey J / Donkey….! So happy to read a post from you and also glad to be able to give my interpretation and support to you because you have always helped me & I am feeling pretty darn good today so I am happy to share my support and help as you are asking for it. First, I want to commend you on realizing that it takes a strong, focused commitment. You aren’t alone and that’s the important part to remember. You say you are having a hard time & I am telling you to trust in the fact that we all are having a hard time. But also, depending on life and what else is going on for each individual, events and situations of course can make things ever harder for us to stay on track. I understand you completely. But you write what your faults are. You can change them. You can take a walk after dinner, maybe a smaller snack after it. You can set yourself up for success – bc you actually know perfectly well how to achieve it. You sound like me – when I sabotage my own successes. I have a pattern of knowing what’s right & then doing quite the opposite (in terms of work, career, school, relationships…just about everything – so I understand your thinking patterns also as I can relate well). However, you do not have to think this way. You do not have to suffer. My primary tip is to gain confidence. If you can’t be more confident in everything aspect of your life, you can be in at least the diet / weightloss / maintenance category. Try it. That’s what I do. It’s currently my biggest success area. Just stay determined. Choose to make choices that reflect success and you will certainly achieve it. You are capable of more than you give yourself credit for is what I’m telling you J. Try to make healthy choices for work. Bring things with you to snack on at work. Do the right thing for your health. Have a snack at work about 2 hours before lunch to cut your cravings down. Have something with protein in it. It will help you not reach for something less healthy…I have a breakfast at 8-8:30, snack at 11am and lunch at 1pm. I only snack in mornings (throughout morning), but after lunch I drink mostly water and sometimes caffeine drinks. As long as I am able to have a large lunch with lots of vegetables, I am literally full and do not need to reach for anything else… Yes, try to keep your mouth shut at work (my problem too, J, not only yours!). Listen, this is my approach lately and I urge you to follow it for REAL (you need to believe it for real!). Be thankful for the things you can (like having a job, hopefully being able to pay your bills, your own health is good)…be thankful for what you can and you must accept the things that you don’t love right now. Me too…I am learning to be accepting of my own life. I now accept that I will not be going on as many vacations or weekends away as I would have liked – can’t afford it. And I’m accepting that my weekends cannot be always so adventurous and creative if I wish to also feel good when going to the gym on the weekend as well. I am learning that I can’t have everything I want, but I can reach for some things. So for you, reach for what is attainable and lay off wishing on the things that you can’t. Just meet life halfway. You don’t need everything you ever wished for at this very moment to be happy…that’s how I think most days. So if your goal is to leave your job, you can. But you don’t have to Donkey. Work is work…just try to fulfill things for yourself outside of it. This is what I do. Feeling good at work on Monday & making it to the gym on weekends is what I’m about these days!

Donkey - Sunday Apr 24, 2016
(Portion control & exercise)
Weight: 179.5

Weighed in and hopefully I can stay in this lower set of numbers again, but I can tell you that I did not get to the 170's in a good way:  too much stress and discontent at work led to less eating.  Still have not managed to incorporate exercise into my daily routine.

I need a new job.  I did not get an interview for the job I applied for a week ago, but now I know that the next time a job pops up, I need to re-do my resume to "dumb down" a little bit.  In the meantime, I'm grateful for the job I have, although it's very stressful and not healthy. I need insurance, but I also need to earn as much as I possibly can right to save, save, save, in anticipation of when my husband stops working due to his illness.

I'm sorry, I don't have anything more encouraging to write at this time.  I feel very scattered and disorganized, diet-wise, health-wise, job-wise, family-wise, life-wise.  No plan other than to get through each day.

Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 24.5 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 04/24/2016:
Do you have any friends that are copywriters that work in your industry/vertical? Resume writing services are junk, but a copywriter is worth the cash. You may not need to dumb down your resume, but have it more clearly written and tell a cohesive story.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 04/25/2016:
Give yourself credit J!

I think if you think more positively about yourself & that you can get thru the current job, all will be a little better for you. Even if you didn't get down to the 170's in a healthy way, i'm sure it's still OK that you lost around 5lbs. think of it as weight that is lost and work from there? That's only my suggestion...

Is there a way to make your work less stressful for yourself so that you don't have to leave?

I didn't realize your husband is sick. I send my regards and sympathy to him & you.

I wish you good things :) and warm thoughts.

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