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Donkey - Sunday Jun 13, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 140.0

 Remembered to weigh in this morning, but forgot to set up the coffee pot and run the dishwasher last night.  So after going to the bathroom, I came downstairs, started the coffee, ran the dishwasher, and then went upstairs to weigh in, get dressed, etc.  The next week will be harder, now that the weight loss is slowing down, and as I get closer to goal.  I remain firm in my dedication, but I can see how discouraging it might become if the numbers don't keep going down.  


The gym was pleasant yesterday, but they have taken away all of the COVID precautions except for leaving the extra cleaning stations around.  I thought hard about whether or not I was going to wear a mask.  In the parking lot, I decided that I do believe in the efficacy of the vaccine, and so I did not wear a mask.  I did take care to social distance and wipe down EVERYTHING I would touch (before and after usage).  There was only 1 person wearing a mask, and that was the front desk person as I was leaving the gym (after the shift change).  So we'll see...  I am mentally prepared to resume more COVID precautions going into the winter months, but maybe we won't need them.

At work, our COVID precautions have been removed, and we are now accepting walk-ins again.  I'm not thrilled about it - I hate walk-ins - but I was already mentally prepared for this change.  The locked front door was never meant to be a permanent thing, and I always knew that.  The Boss started to console me about the change, but I told him that, ironically enough, I was anticipating this change several days before it happened, so I was OK with it.  


Husband came home last night, and I'm glad he made it back.  I'm also very glad I did not go.  It was very hot downstate - about 10 degrees hotter than it is up here, and that's really bad - and there was family drama, bad storms on the way home (which would have been very hard on my PTSD).  Yep dodged a bullet there.  I was very relieved that Husband was able to make the trip alone, although he did run into a little minor difficulties due to his disabilities. 

He told me last night that he doesn't do so well without me (physically speaking), and this morning, I told him that I don't do so well without him (emotionally).  I discovered that when he's not around, I really like to just do things alone, but the problem with that is that it gets lonely. Also, last night and then again this morning, I started experiencing some anxiety that has been very difficult to manage.  

I think last night, it was kind of a release of what I had been holding in, and the anxiety just started to pour out.  I couldn't fall asleep, I just felt it bubble up and overflow.  I started tearing (not sobbing, not really crying, but just tearing).  It's been a while since I've had such a strong anxiety experience.  I hope that this feeling dissapates soon. It's not feeling nearly as strong as it was last night.

Progress as of today: 46.5 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/13/2021:
I know exactly what you mean.......There are times when i need the alone time and then after that for awhile...i start hoping he gets home soon and relieved when he arrives......I just had this same conversation with a friend the other day........and I'm reminded of a favorite saying..."How can I miss you if you don't go away!!!!" There is so much truth in that......I guess it is a good thing that we have times apart for a bit...it does make us appreciate each other more.

Donkey on 06/14/2021:
Very true - I hadn't considered it from this perspective.



Donkey - Saturday Jun 12, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

I'm so disappointed that I FORGOT to weigh in this morning!  I was already 2 cups of coffee and 40 minutes into my morning bike ride when I realized I had forgotten.  SO -- I can either weigh in tomorrow, or stick to Saturdays and weigh in next week.  I think I will try to remember to weigh in tomorrow.  At this point, with tracking foods, I think it's important to have as much feedback as possible.

According to the Lose It app, I should be able to reach my goal weight by August 1st, if I stick to their plan.  It may take me a little longer than that, because someone has a birthday towards the end of July, and Lose It adds days to "reaching your goal" if one goes over her calories for the day.  (I was a little over yestserday, maybe... it was difficult to log in the beef schwarma.)


Work was not too bad yesterday, but that was because the attorneys were gone for most of the day.  I worked until almost 6pm, but I am caught up on everything but monthly statistics. So I am in a REALLY GOOD spot to start on Monday.  My tasks are already organized, I'm caught up on checking new files for Mistakes Girl's mistakes, got the estate planning files opened, yep -- I'm ready for a busy Monday.


Husband is downstate today, dealing with the memorial service for his grandma, who passed away last year from COVID.  If you recall, I had hoped I could have gone with him, but it was too much of a work drama to take Monday off.  Then it turns out plans had changed, so I decided it was not meant for me to go.  Just as well... However, it seems strange to be alone.  Daughter is here, and we might go hiking or maybe to the gym together.  Husband should be back later tonight, if all goes well to plan.

It is already oppressively hot.  I've done 3 loads of laundry:  mine, Boy Cat's bed (he's very particular and there was a hairball in it), and then my comforter (looks at Baby kitty - uh oh!).  Everything is outside drying. 

It just feels so good not to be at work today! 

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/12/2021:
I have never washed my quits as much as I have since sampson......i keep finding kitty litter on them...and he sleeps on the bed all night.....UGH...I hear the cat laundy issue.....Hope you enjoy your quiet time...and I'm sure you will be ready to see him when he returns...seems to work that way here. I'm sure Monday morning will be a lot easier to look at....!!!

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
I probably shouldn't be too optimistic about Monday (LOL) but there is some comfort in knowing that I did all that I could to set myself up for a good day.

A lot will depend on how many new contracts we get in over the weekend. Those take SO much time.


Jacky82020 on 06/12/2021:
I skip my daily weigh-in if I forget to do it first thing in the AM.

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
The minute I drink or eat anything will rule out the possibility of weighing in. Bathroom, light activity, etc. >> I will still weigh in... like I did this morning. (Forgot to run the dishwasher and set up the coffee maker.)


Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2021:
yeah, that drama below is pathetic that the attorney with you for years should not plan better! yeah, def not your problem!

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
I wanted to be sure that you understood my frustration with Associate Attorney. And now you can understand why we needed to hire New Guy -- because 15 years of doing real estate and Associate Attorney is still very much an amateur.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/13/2021:
yeah, weighing in tomorrow sounds the best plan, like jacky said. also, when people forget to take medicine, usually they are told to take it as soon as they remember. so your idea with weighing in at the next opportunity is the best idea i'd agree.

it's always nice when work has less distractions and everyone's out of the office, yeah...

you do office statistics? that's cool. what do you do.?

did hubby drive by himself or take a bus or ride from someone? i didn't know he drove.

sorry it's hot by you. it's not hot here this week. just low 70's, even just 70. i've loved it.

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
I did weigh in this morning (Sunday).

I keep track of new contracts, and the types of transactions they are (sales, purchases, short sales, short sale purchases). I also keep track of how many new contracts the attorneys get, individually.

Then I keep track of how many files have closed and what they are, e.g. how many sales closed, how many purchases closed, how many New Guy files closed, etc.

Then I also keep track, on a monthly basis, as to which agents sent us the most files. This data goes into another database that determines "bonus gifts" that the Boss gives out to his top producing agents. Associate Attorney does his own agents, although the gifts are purchased by the Boss (eye roll).

I do this for every month, although I haven't had time to do May's stats yet. And so I'm sure you can understand why it was DEVASTATING when the Boss took my stats list and LOST it. (Couldn't remember where he put it...)

Donkey on 06/13/2021:
Husband drove himself. We had tried to find someone to ride with him, but it just didn't work out. He did well. The safety features that cars have now really help him since he can't turn his neck any more.



Donkey - Friday Jun 11, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

I fell quite short of a Positive Attitude yesterday, and with the day ending on a sour note, my mood at home was not very good either.  Throw cramps and TOM into the mix, and it was just a Hard Day.  But I'm not giving up on trying!  I'm going to try again today, and it should be easier, because the attorneys will be in and out most of the day at closings.   

I had high hopes for Associate Attorney, but sadly, he did not follow through on what I told him, and I found the file waiting for me, to notarize (he could have done that) and overnight.  Well, if we overnight the documents they won't arrive in time for closing.  He started to freak out, asking me, what to do, will it get there on time, what should we do, should he deliver the package himself, what time does FedEx get to the title company (like I would know that???)....  I'm like, "I'm done with that file.  I've prepared it. I have to move on to other files that need my attention."  

So he ended up - wasting more time - by driving the file to the title company (about an hour away in traffic), instead of making phone calls to clients and writing needed letters.

And I'm so tired of my Boss forgetting things and talking about the old days...


I was in a tense mood when I got home, although I tried my best to be positive and upbeat.  I was so tired.  It was so hot.  I was not in the mood for the take-out dinner we had last night.  The schwarma I had was too saucy, so I had only a little bit.  I got hungry later on, but just went to bed at 9:17p.  My sleep was not good, and woke up in the early morning to go to the bathroom.  When you start dreaming of going to the bathroom, it's time to get up and go.  

Like I said it was a Hard Day, but today is a new day, and I'm going to do my best!

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 06/11/2021:
I just shake my head when reading about your business people. I guess more education does not make them smarter...there's a line in a song...'makin' the best of the worst day kinda night' that didn't work out very good.

I say that because when I got home the girl asked, are you going to bite my head off? I asked her why would I bite her head off, she says, because you do when you have a bad day at work. ..broke my heart. I apologized and told her I had an ok day and I wouldn't bite her head off. I will remember this and try not to bring my 'bad' days home!

Totally agree about when you start dreaming about going to the bathroom...it is almost PAST time to get up and go! literally laughed out loud because this has happened to more more times than I want to admit...sometimes it's just so hard to get out of bed.

I hope you have a better day today and a great weekend.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
With the Girl -- that's happened at my house. My family calls me out on my mood and I'm glad that they do.


Jacky82020 on 06/11/2021:
You dreaming of going to the bathroom? I dreamed I did Brad Pitt, so hah!

Sorry about all the work drama and may Brad be in your dreams. I’m willing to share for a friend.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
Time for sex with the husband...

Thank you (?) for sharing your Brad dreams! Wild times here at DD!


horn_of_plenty on 06/11/2021:
New attorney, young guy, has a lot to learn it seems. he may need your advice really quickly. you may have to give him heads up on what to do, etc...but he will also have to learn on his own...

ha - your boss will not get better about forgetting things, that's for sure!

you can always blot out the extra sauce on the shwarma, no? shwarma is good...what kind of meat was it?

also, you can supplement it with veggies...

you remind me of the option to get shwarma soon on the way home from work, but not today as it's closed on Friday evenings and saturdays because it is a jewish kosher place.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
I want to be clear: This attorney drama was with Associate Attorney, who has been a lawyer for 30 years and has been doing real estate closings for at least 15 years. He knows better.

If this had happened with New Guy, I would have completely understood. This, to me, is almost inexcusable. Associate Attorney has been with us for 6 years? And it's like he's a newbie -- quite often.


bearcountrygg on 06/11/2021:
My mother in law used to dream she was going to the bathroom too....agreed....time to get up and go. I have a tiny bladder...so if I wake up at night...and the thought crosses my mind...I just get up and go....it is a very rare night that I don't at all......maybe once a year.

Donkey on 06/12/2021:
I used to have a very strong bladder, but it's only been in the last year or 2 that I've noticed a change.

I haven't had to limit my water intake early in the evening, yet, but I'm probably getting to that point where I'll have to stop drinking water by 7p or 8p.



Donkey - Thursday Jun 10, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Oh my, the fatigue this morning is so heavy...  I could have been to bed at 9:15p (or a little sooner), but was not disciplined enough to turn off my phone.  This is a bad habit that needs to change, even if it weren't for TOM fatigue.


I really struggled with a Positive Attitude yesterday.  Like Horn mentioned to me in her comments yesterday, I found myself making little "side remarks" to my Boss that were not positive.  They weren't aimed at him, but they did express a negative attitude about -- I forget, files? clients?  something like that... Even these little things do not add anything positive or constructive, so not going there today.

I hope I don't walk into a wasp's nest today.  I could not stay late last night, and Associate Attorney did not manage his time properly.  There is a file closing on Friday that needs his review and notary stamp.  He started this yesterday at 4:40pm and was not very focused (like, not paying attention to what was in the file).  Well, if those documents needed to be overnighted yesterday, they had to be in the FedEx box by 5:30pm.  I left at 5:10p, and he was still trying to figure out what was what.  Sorry, I cannot stay late just because he didn't manage his time and files properly.


I did OK with food yesterday.  The app is really helping me keep within calorie range.  My macros portions though are a little unbalanced.  It looks like I eat too much fat (nearly 50% of my calories).  I believe that this is from the amount of coffee that I drink.  Each cup has 2 measured teaspoons of heavy whipping cream (HWC).  I just cannot go back to half-and-half or anything less fatty than HWC.  I end up having 4-5 cups of cofee a day.  The cream calories add up, but so be it.  I have to have my coffee; I cannot drink it black.  I don't enjoy it with anything other than the HWC.

Today is Leg Day (for weights), but because of the fatigue (and now cramps), after my bike ride, I did 2 separate exercises, one for hamstrings, one for quads, and I think that's it.  I do not think I will do anything additional tonight.  I really am hoping for a 9pm lights out bedtime tonight.  Taking care of myself is the first step in establishing an effective Positive Attitude.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 06/10/2021:
HWC is wonderful, but high in calories. I use a chocolate protein drink and the husband uses sugar free Nestle liquid Italian Cream, it’s really quite good. We used to use half & half.

Your job sounds so stressful! Have you ever considered talking to the boss and saying you want to try something else? Would that motivate them to offer you a raise or assure you the door’s open should you return?


innerpeace on 06/10/2021:
I'm glad I don't have the taste for coffee, that would be extra calories that I wouldn't need.

I'm glad you didn't stay and wait for the Associate Attorney to figure out what is what. I'm glad you drew the line. That is sometimes hard when you are trying to do what is right for the buyer/seller and take care of yourself. That is a very positive way of thinking!


bearcountrygg on 06/10/2021:
Positive is better for sure....it will get to be second nature......i like my coffee black...and sometimes add other things...but always go back to black.....i know there are a lot of Weight watchers that put flavored muscle milk in their coffee...the fav seems to be the caramel flavored one.


horn_of_plenty on 06/10/2021:
Totally understand your discipline issue with bedtime bc that’s what I do sometimes also, then I’m just not as rested the next day. Sorta did that today - it prevented me being able to walk at the park beside work. Will try again tomorrow !

Right now, I am working with a whole different mindset of a team. It’s lots of little teams but I actually find myself driving home the past few days thinking nice thoughts of people I work with. This hasn’t happened for a very long time. Today I did thank my boss.

Remember all that thigh pain I was having ? It’s diminished totally right now. I am thinking I might have been due to either commuting or stress.

I am in agreement that attorney needs to plan better and that if something is high priority he should do it earlier before you leave. Instead of telling him yourself, I guess you can let him learn it as he’s an attorney and smart guy and he shouldn’t need you to tell him. But, if it would be constructive to him, you decide. I just seem to think most people of that level are smart as should know better- when you are 30 though, maybe you can miss deadlines not sure ?!

Well high fat foods are also very satisfying. You so not like whole milk coffee ? It’s safe a lot of cals. Otherwise, it’s hardly a big indulgence to drink what you do - and life is to be enjoyed. And it’s far better than bingeing so if you like coffee that way, keep on. Its not gonna make you gain or obese to continue that habit as gaining weight or losing is about overall diet. For instance, my diet is currently high In sweets compared to the past bit I work them in - so the effect isn’t so visible ..


horn_of_plenty on 06/10/2021:
PS- instead of walking in beautiful weather, I am sitting on stationary bike next to an open window which is also nice but more restful - pampering myself tonight and enjoying stationary bike while I type to you!


horn_of_plenty on 06/10/2021:
What I meant by visible is simply diet is the sum of everything- not just the cream in your coffee. And If that’s an indulgence, it’s an easy one to have balanced into your diet just like I do with sweets. Yes I think we should enjoy our choices



Donkey - Wednesday Jun 09, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Good morning! 

So yesterday, I felt that I was able to keep working on my positive attitude, until I got home.  I can't say I was 100% sucessful at work, but I know at home, I failed miserably.  The dinner clean-up was overwhelming... but I got it done.  (Yes, Husband helped, but I like everything to be cleaned before I start the evening, and he's more of the "I'll get to it later tonight" which doesn't always work out.)  Then we had more miscommunications that were frustrating, but I think we worked it out.  I mean, we weren't fighting, but it just seemed all too laborious.  

Stayed up too late, waiting for my Fitbit to charge.  That thing takes a long time to charge.  I'll be down to 70% and it will take 45 minutes to charge it back up to 100%.  I don't charge it until I'm relaxing in bed, so as not to miss many steps.  Maybe I need to change this.

So I didn't get to bed as early as I had hoped.  I was awoken in the early morning by bad dreams.  I realize that the last 2 nights, I haven't slept well, dreaming a lot of distressing, sad dreams.   I'm also dealing with pre-TOM fatigue. So I am tired today, which is not the best start to having a Positive Attitude.

Maybe I'll just have a Quiet Day today.  But I will still remember:

  1. One task at a time.  Doesn't matter how many emails. Every email is the first email.
  2. Can't make clients do what they don't want to do.  It's up to them if they want to close or not.
  3. Have a "half-full glass" outlook, and end any conversation on a positive note.

More work drama:  Nice Lady complailned that she didn't want to help with our real estate files and marketing any more.  (She really wants to do just the bankruptcy and the handful of real estate files that are exclusively for Associate Attorney.)  The Boss has decided to hire us a part-time person to assume the tasks that Nice Lady doesn't want to do any more.  Nice Lady doesn't know this yet.  SO:

(1) I'm waiting for this to blow up into a huge drama, from Nice Lady, that we've ganged up on her, we're trying to squeeze her out of the firm, poor her, etc.

OR

(2) I'm waiting to see if this means she will be coming into the office less often, or if she'll still come to work, but just hang around, talking to people, listening to Cubs games, and doing just her stuff. 

I'm kind of thinking #2 will happen.  How many times has she talked about working from home?  Or cutting back her hours?  Making huge dramas and announcements about it, only to take it all back...  I don't have time or energy to worry about that, so I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the show on this one.

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/09/2021:
Great attitude!!!!! It makes things so much easier on you doesn't it? You mentioed the other day that you and your husband hear differently...we do too.....D really needs hearing aids but is so far refusing.....he only hears specific tones and I have noticed that I tend to speak as much as I can in those tones........so he hears me......I accidentally recorded my voice the other day and i sound like a shrew)...that didn't make me happy...but it's the only way he hears me...UGH...my hearing isn't as bad...but I do have a little issue with it ( he sounds like he is mumbling sometimes)....BUT...this morning I actually had to spell 2 words out for him and that didn't even help....it is so hard to communicate sometimes...I get you.

Donkey on 06/10/2021:
Ha ha! I often feel that my husband mumbles a lot! But I know it's the hearing thing. That's so funny to read that you guys deal with that too. Men are from Mars...


Horn_of_plenty on 06/09/2021:
ok i have a suggestion with the charging of the fitbit. i have to say, you've been using it so long that you can (i'm sure of this!) accurately estimate your steps or accurately know if you are getting almost the right steps...you can guestimate a little. the watch, whether you charge it or not, isn't going to give you a workout. the watch, like a scale, only shows you what you've done. watch and scale or no watch and scale, you still can exercise or rest. not sure if you like this analogy. a reason why i never got a fitbit watch or anything is because, for me, i know i'm wayyyy under the mileage steps that are recommended. i figure i do what i can do; but i do not need to buy a watch to know what's going on... of course though, if i had no injuries, i may have bought a watch; or simply increased cardio a lot more by now. but that's out of the question for me. so instead of knowing i'm under steps; i just thinking about mileage. i always consider a walkin gmile for me to be around 25 min. i'm slow. 20-25 min is a mile. so if i've walked an hour, it's like 2.5-3 miles. 10 min is around half mile. that's how i think of my steps. 5 min, a little less than 1/4 mile.

thank you for your reminders, here, to be positive. i have not been extremely positive to my boss, who is one of the higher paid and much smarter than my old boss. i have hinted that i know where i'm at in life; that i'm not exactly happy with that...tomorrow i will thank him for being so welcoming and again express gratitude to be there. i have to. and next time he asks me something; i do not need to hint anymore about negative things as i realize he's puerto rican and MUST have worked hard to get where he is; a big role; a lot of pressure; one of the best i have worked with. he is 50 and does good work. like i said, he has a pretty high-responsibility job. wayyyy smarter than my former 57 yr old boss from the other months at this company. it's nice to see; i think i've shown him enough of the unsatisfied side of me; and i will not hint at it again..

i love your one task at a time. because just the last job i was doing had a load of smaller tasks. like i was telling you, it was better to compelte as much as possible of each task, rather than to do the minimum of each task and then move forward. by doing the max on each task, i did a lot better and was more successful overall.

oh thank gosh another person is being hired. i wish the boss would higher someone more adept than nice lady.

one thing about nice lady is important to you: do not take her actions of the choices of what she does personally. please. meaning, do not let it upset you either way. i'm not saying don't write about it or think about it; i'm saying stay positive. i'm just glad that potentially someone else will be working with you. i honestly think that person will have to be better, especially if they are in their later 20's / 30's because at that point i feel people have some life experience that can help. however, a younger person can be good who is just trying to work while maybe in school, idk....

in general, i think anotehr assistant will be good. i would hope that that person would be assigned to you - seriously.

Donkey on 06/10/2021:
You have some good points about the FitBit. If asked, I would say that my main purpose for having a FitBit is for the hourly reminders to move and to measure my sleep.

I could charge my FitBit overnight every other night. I would lose a night of sleep data, but that would be OK. Where the problem is that I'm waiting for the FitBit to charge, so I go on my phone and watch stupid videos. I lose track of time and before I know it, it's almost 10pm.

Donkey on 06/10/2021:
I struggled a lot with a positive attitude yesterday. Some of that was due to fatigue. It can be hard work to remain positive! (lol)



Donkey - Tuesday Jun 08, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Good morning!  I touched on this a little bit in comments, but I feel that yesterday's "positive attitude" was overall a success.  It was not easy.  There were a lot of things that happened that were utterly discouraging:  clinic people parking in law firm parking spots, asked to take Monday off so that I could drive downstate with Husband to Grandma's memorial service -- found out I too have to ask Queen Bee if she can cover for me!,  Boss decided to spend an entire morning working on a closed file rather than my current files (which are time-sensitive) only because the closed file affects his despicable son-in-law, Boss forgot about going to a closing and instead opted to take Associate Attorney out for a long lunch....  I mean, WTF.  All but the last one, I tried hard to end with a happy or positive thought, sentence, or sentiment.

So I'm going to try again!  I think I have the energy and motivation to make this a Good Day.  I realize that not every day can be stellar, and on those days, rather than being a dark cloud, I will focus more on taking care of myself.  But today, I'm going to give it another go at being Positive.  Inspired by Bear, I'm not going to carry around the burden and weight of a negative attitude.  A positive attitude is a lot lighter and brighter to hold.


I did well with my menus yesterday, even with the little glitch with breakfast.  I had very good "macro" ratios, getting a nice balance between fat, carbs, and protein.  

Yoga was great - focused on the core muscles and back, since that's what allows us to remain mobile the most.  A lot of people focus on building up arms and legs -- I know I do!  But what keeps us active, limber, and moving?  The core and (lower) back.  Anyway, it was a nice change.

Speaking of building up arms, I had a great weights this morning, too!  Did biceps, triceps, and shoulders (one exercise each, 3 sets of about 15 reps each).  If I have motivation and time, I'll do back and chest.  If I have no time or motivation, I will do a couple of more bicep exercises, since I didn't work those over the weekend.

It's going to be a great day for me today  - I can feel it!

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/08/2021:
I think you are going to make it a great day too!!!! Wonderful Attitude!!!

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
Thank you -- unfortunately, I was not able to apply this attitude to my home life last night. It just got to that tipping point.


horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2021:
wow what a disorganized boss!!!! forgetting so much wow wow.

i am sorry Q Bee needs to cover for you. lol. ugh. doubt she'd help.?

it's true, to change your outlook is a wonderful thing. some people certainly do act like the glass is always half full and others half empty...i also have to work to get that half full attitude that others just "do without trying."

yes i am sure back focus in yoga is very important and it's good you added focus on it.

at home, i do a back stretch occasionally, at least 1x a week and usually more days.

also, when i used to go to the gym, i did back exercises there.

nice job on your weights this AM. i look forward to doing mine, tomorrow PM. :)

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
That's just it: Queen Bee can't do my job. She can do a little of Mistakes Girl's job and help with phones. But she's not very reliable, usually coming in only on Tuesdays and Thursdays, coming in late and leaving early.

My Boss is not really interested in a work product that reflects excellence.


Jacky82020 on 06/08/2021:
Try not to worry about things beyond your control. Positive attitude or not.

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
Now THAT is very true. I will try to be more cognizant of that.


horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2021:
Jacky says it well, anything beyond control, i guess just shake your head and smile at the same time!?

i know it's tough bc i do what you do; many times.

Donkey on 06/09/2021:
Yep, that's right. Actually, I've been doing that more with Associate Attorney. It's up to him when he gets his stuff done. I'm done asking and asking and asking. And when agents or realtors ask and ask and ask me, I just let them know I'm waiting on the attorney (that they chose).



Donkey - Monday Jun 07, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

Good morning!  When I woke up this morning, I almost hoped it wasn 't a work day, but alas, I realized the truth of the morning, and got out of bed.  I am determined to go into this week with a positive attitude.  I'm going to try to keep myself detatched from my files, and handle one thing at a time, rather than trying to multi-task so much.  It will be another busy week on the calendar, though...  Let's see how long the positive attitude lasts...

I did not plan my breakfast accordingly, so this morning it was a protein shake and 2nd breakfast at work will be 2 hard boiled eggs.  Tonight's yoga is going to be core-focused, at my request.

I decreased the weight on some of the leg exercises I do at the gym on Sundays, and I have no hip/back pain this morning.  So this tells me that I was trying too hard, too heavy.  

I sat outside this morning in my front yard, but then realized I was disturbing the birds that wanted to use the bird bath, so I came inside.  

Well, I'd better get started on my positive day!

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/07/2021:
YEAHHH...to the positive attitude....agreed...don't take the files personally......very true...they aren't about you...they are about other people...you just have to handle them and move them along. I love to hear that you are going to try to do 1 thing at a time...check it off that list ( literally or figuratively) and go on to the next.....I've done a lot of multitasking in my life and I know for me...it always meant that I didn't do any of it well...it all got done...but it was the minimal for all and I couldn't say i felt good about any of it.....doing 1 thing at a time and doing it well always made me feel a lot prouder of getting it done. You made me chuckle when you went inside because you were disturbing the birds while they bathed...now for my pep talk!!!!.....LOL...WHO OWNS THAT BIRD BATH!!!!!! YOU DO OF COURSE...Who fills it with water???......In fact who owns that front yard???? Don't let the birds make you feel guilty!!!!! You are the boss!!! They appreciate the bird bath you have for them......it's okay if they leave for awhile...they will be back. If you want to sit in your front yard...then sit in your front yard...it's yours!!! Okay...now I will get off my soap box.....Just know that you are strong and capable....we ALL make mistakes....we ALL make poor choices sometimes....if we learned from them than we know not to do them again...we are human....I sense that you carry some guilt...me too...caring people carry guilt.....but know that you are better and stronger now.....and you learned from it....anyone that learns from their mistakes has achieved what needs to be achieved......and deserves to go on and make the best of things without guilt....there is absolutely no one over the age of infancy that has not screwed up...many many times.....those that feel that they haven't did not learn....fear those people.....they are sociopaths.....normal people screw up and regret it, feel badly about it and way too often continually beat themselves up about it....I know...I do too....I have to continually work on it....it isn't always easy.....but working on it is worthwhile...you are a good person....and you are tender hearted....you can put the guilt down now and so can I...okay...I see I need a ladder to get off my soap box now.....LOL

Donkey on 06/07/2021:
I kept up a positive attitude for most of the day -- but it was not easy. And NOT due to lack of trying. Just some very unpleasantness at work, but I tried and succeeded in coming back each time back to a state of positive attitude.

I caught myself multi-tasking a few times, especially towards the later part of the afternoon, trying to get stuff done. I would catch myself, and settle down to 1 task at a time. Then things would start to come in, and I'd start multi-tasking again. Finally, I said to myself, When I get to (this task), it will be the last task. And it was!

Donkey on 06/07/2021:
I kept up a positive attitude for most of the day -- but it was not easy. And NOT due to lack of trying. Just some very unpleasantness at work, but I tried and succeeded in coming back each time back to a state of positive attitude.

I caught myself multi-tasking a few times, especially towards the later part of the afternoon, trying to get stuff done. I would catch myself, and settle down to 1 task at a time. Then things would start to come in, and I'd start multi-tasking again. Finally, I said to myself, When I get to (this task), it will be the last task. And it was!

Donkey on 06/07/2021:
Oh yes, I suffer terribly from shame. But you're right, I shouldn't let a bunch of birds shame me into going back inside - why, that would make them as bad as my neighbors!

One thing that's fun to watch are bees (not so much wasps, but actual bees) going from flower to flower in the azaleas and spiderwort plants I have in front. Actually, one of the most interesting things was watching a wasp taking a drink from the bird bath. It's a wasp, but as long as he stays away from my direction, I'm glad I could help him out with the fresh water.

Donkey on 06/07/2021:
I can't seem to delete that duplicate comment. I get an orange screen of doom.


bearcountrygg on 06/08/2021:
That is cute about the wasp...I agree...as long as they don't head for you....they are interesting to watch....Bees too. We could probably all benefit from some self esteem boosting.....it's a hard thing to do when we tend to live in the past.....and is likely behind any weight issues we have ever had. I wish i could live day by day and just one day at a time......you may have given me a n idea.

Donkey on 06/08/2021:
I've expounded on your idea that you wrote about this morning. I hope that you will keep that post up for a while (not to be deleted), as I think it would be helpful to refer back to it periodically/often.


horn_of_plenty on 06/08/2021:
Hi Donkey thank you so much for your support yesterday. I think some of my driving anxiety is that i do not know the route and the roads i drove on have an unfamiliar feel which made me a little bit uncomfortable. maybe as i learn the route, it will improve... do you know what i'm saying?

when i was assisting my last boss at this company, i learned that concentrating fully on one file before opening another - and doing as much as i can with that file before moving onto another also worked best for me...i agree with your way of doing things; one file at a time, less multi managing at one time...

even though you didn't plan breakfast, it is great you have alternatives to eat / drink. good planning to have extra things around for quick breakfasts.

i would say it's prob smart to listen to your body like you did with the decrease of weights at gym so that you have no / less pain... :)

Donkey on 06/08/2021:
Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. Regular routes I take are not a problem, most of the time. I think you had just a plethera of anxiety-inducing "ingredients" that all mixed up together induced an attack. I just can't imagine how terrifying that must have been to have no where to pull over!

I've been learning from other bodybuilders (online) that one can see results by using lighter weights for higher reps and more sets. I really noticed the difference last night during yoga. I usually ask if we can focus on hips, because I'm so sore from weights on Sunday. Not this time!



Donkey - Sunday Jun 06, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

OK, just a little vent here, but I feel like I've been in a different universe lately. I just re-visited 2 conversations with my husband that he is completely recalling a different way.  He said, What's  your decision on (subject)?"  I said, I already told you yesterday morning what my decision was, because you said we needed a decision ASAP Saturday.  He doesn't remember that.

Then we had a conversation with Daughter at the dinner table last night.  He remembers his portion of the conversation, but doesn't remember what Daughter had said - at all.  Oh my goodness!  WHATEVER.


Anyway, I got up at a reasonable time this morning and was able to enjoy the nice temperatures outside, with the morning breeze, in my backyard.  I enjoyed my coffee, watched the birds and squirrels, checked my phone, etc.  Did my morning bike ride a little later, and then went outside again for about 40  minutes.  The sun is now beating down in the backyard, so it's too hot to sit outside in the back.  The front will shade over in an hour or 2 if I want to go back outside.

We all buckled yesterday, under the heat and decided to turn on the AC.  Now all the shades are pulled (to keep out the sun and insulate against losing the cooler air), so it is too dark for me to do any puzzle work.  I know I slept better, and my cats seem to be happier.  Hopefully my daughter slept better - she had been complaining about that.

I went to the gym yesterday at around 4:30p.  Husband wanted a late dinner, and I didn't want to feel pressured to eat, so that I could workout later.  Nobody needs that kind of stress in their lives.  So I just went alone.  Good thing too, because neither my husband or my daughter felt like going to the gym either.  If the gym were open later on weekends, then I would have made it a late night (for me) and go with her.  Anyway, it was better this way.  

I plan to go to the gym early this afternoon, probably around 1pm. It's leg day!

Whoa, I had an eye-opener last night at dinner.  I was hungry from working out, and my husband made these delicious bratwursts from the local butcher.  I had one, and weighed it, to get an idea of the nutrition for the Lose It app.  I easily could have had 1/2 to 1 more brat, but I'm so glad I didn't!  I was surprised at how high the calories were.  Granted, these were huge brats, but WHOA, I would not have guessed the calories were THAT high.  Turns out, about an hour later, I was pleasantly full, so it's probably just as well that I didn't have another one, or I would have been uncomfortable.  Gotta eat slower, I guess!


This coming up week, I'm going to focus on ways I can make a positive contribution to things, in ways other than what lies on the surface.  Let's see if having a positive attitude really does make a difference!

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 06/06/2021:
Men! They remember wrong because they never pay attention!

Been really hot here too. But no AC yet.

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
So I checked with my daughter and she remembers the conversation, lol.

I think it's a combination of factors on his point. It only becomes frustrating when I forget too.


bearcountrygg on 06/06/2021:
Yup...most guys don't really listen....I guess that is why there are so many jokes about it.....my next thought is could it possibly be a medication he is taking?...but basically...he's a guy!! I have one of those too! I'm with you on the brats....i really really like them too...and it is easy to eat too much......they say it takes food 20 minutes before that last bites hits the stomach.

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
It may very well be his meds -- or his pain. He's been in more pain than usual this weekend, and that may be very distracting.


bearcountrygg on 06/06/2021:
I think men pay more attention to what other men say...I figure they don't really understand women...and just tune us out.

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
As we get older together, he can't hear higher voices, and I can't hear lower frequencies. So basically, what I'm saying is that we can't hear what each other is saying. LOL! What a pair we make.


Jacky82020 on 06/06/2021:
Yep! You got it, girlfriend

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
LOL! RIGHT!


Horn_of_plenty on 06/06/2021:
well, it could be a combination of factors for your hubby's "selective hearing." perhaps it is related to his disablilty or has he always been this way? idk. i guess the others above have given better advice here; as i am not so hot with giving relationship advice...def not my specialty! haha

yeah, sausages and other brats tend to be super high cal...but the truth is, they are very satisfying due to a higher fat content and you do not need to eat too much. i love them also. especially grilled. sounds like a wonderful dinner. i always know the cals, almost always that is, of food i am going to consume. and yes, that is what helps me also make descisions over how much to eat...

especially with meat - lately whether a have a little or a lot, i am satisfied with less the same as if i ate more meat. protein i don't love anymore like i once did...i think i overdid it a long time ago and/or i just don't have a huge desire for protein lately, especially meat.

Donkey on 06/07/2021:
I think some of it is age, some is pain distraction, and part of it is hearing/inattention. It's just kind of rattling for my own sanity to know that I had this conversation and he knows nothing about it.

Good points about meat!



Donkey - Saturday Jun 05, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 141.0

(If you have posted an entry in the last 2 days, I've gone back to add comments, if you are interested in conversation/feedback --- mostly conversation, LOL.)


Good morning!  It's a beautiful morning.  I confess that I'm a little annoyed that I slept in, and didn't get up earlier to enjoy the cooler weather before it gets blazin' hot.  It's already starting to get hot and humid.  I had problems falling asleep last night.  I was almost asleep and something woke me up, that I had to get up for.  Then, I had problems falling back asleep.  My shoulder kept itching for some reason.  I regret getting a late start to the day.

However, getting a late start to the day has delayed breakfast.  In fact, I haven't eaten yet, because I can't make up my mind what I want!  So maybe I'm not really hungry yet!  I am quite pleased with the results on the scale this morning.  Wow, it would be something to break back into the 130's again.  I haven't been in the 130's since before COVID.   (I opted to have hard boiled eggs for a light breakfast, so that I can have an early lunch with husband.)

By tracking my foods this week, I have felt more "balanced".  No raging cravings, the "stress eating" urges at work have become subdued.  I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing, because it seems to be working well for me, for now at least.  Hey, anything (within reason and not illegal) that can help me feel more "balanced" during this stressful time at work is a winner in my book.


The Boss did not bring in pastries on Friday - THANK YOU!  He had a meeting with Mistakes Girl -- we all thought that she was going to ask for or get a raise, but instead, it was a meeting about managing the work load.  Three days a week, she will start an hour earlier if there are new files to open.  I said, Well, that's OK as long as you let her work and not come over to her desk and start talking about the evening, the weekend, upcoming plans, etc.  --- because that is EXACTLY what he does.  I know this because he's done it to me!!!  But we'll see if it works or not.  I told Mistakes Girl that if it's not working for her, she needs to tell someone - either Male Co-Worker, the Boss, even myself.  

I have to admit that my blood was starting to boil to think that she might get a raise, especially if she would be making the same as me, because I feel that would truly be unfair to me and my efforts.  Seriously, I was saying to myself, "This might be the thing that pushes me to Walmart."  If I'm not thinking about this correctly, please let me know.

So the solution to the unbalanced workload is to work more until it's done.  (That's not really a solution for the vacation drama, though.)  My Boss is such a capitalist.  


I cut my morning bike ride by 10 minutes so that I could get the rest of my day started (because it started later than I wanted, lol).  I know that I will probably have another bike ride later or perhaps I'll do a little longer cardio at the gym?  This will be the 1st weekend where I'm fully innoculated, with the 2-week waiting period.  Do I wear a mask or not?  

One strange thing about wearing a mask is that, if there are any folks who have not been vaccinated AND are following the honor system of wearing a mask, that they not feel alone in wearing a mask.  Of course, the flipside is that people think I'm against being vaccinated.  Well, we'll see...

 

Progress as of today: 45.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/05/2021:
If tracking works then that is the thing to do......we are all so unique that when we find our answer...we should go with that....it's a good thing! Masks at a gym is a tough one......with all of the heavy breathing that goes on there....a mask probably isn't very healthy as far as oxygen and carbon dioxide goes.....on the other hand...if the germs are there....you are really breathing them in deeply......( I wouldn't worry about what others think you think...I don't think i would be comfortable in a gym at all).....other peoples sweat grosses me out...unless it's family......so i think that is why we have always had a home gym.....as far as what other people think of you...i wouldn't worry about that....D taught me a long time ago to not care what other people think about me....because it is always going to be impossible to make everyone happy.....so I shouldn't waste any time worrying about it. My parents never taught me that...they were very interested in what others thought of them......so when I first noticed D not caring about such things I thought he was harsh....but came to understand what he meant ......he taught me to live my best life...be true to myself..hold my head up and do what i think is best and encourage others to do the same....and I'm very comfortable with that....as far as pay goes....I figure it probably isn't anyone elses business what others get paid because a lot goes into hiring employees and everyone has different qualities they bring to the table...so ones work might not be as good but they may get paid more because the boss finds their presence there as an asset......if he chats with her a lot...that alone may be worth his paying her more.....The difference in working for another company and owning a company really clears a lot of things up for me....We have done both...and sometimes for us ( we had a construction company as well as a small childrens clothing business)......there were people with great talent and efficiency and there were people that kept morale up and others that were showing up on time and not taking a lot of days off.....there were some who kept positive attitudes and others that just didn't want to be there at all..some would fill in at a moments notice..others wouldn't...and so most employees that we kept...contributed in their own ways yet were different.....actually when I worked for someone else I don't think I ever knew what others made.

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
I think I need a sit-down with D, where he can set me straight about what other people think about me.

Seriously, though, I'm working on 2 levels: a logical & an emotional level. Logically, I *know* that what others think shouldn't matter, but emotionally, unkind feedback hurts. But now I'm gonna say to myself, "D says you got this" and just move forward with what I think is best to do. Places with germs -- they need mask-wearing: gym, drug store, big stores (Wal Mart), etc. Things like outdoor walks, maybe even outdoor dining - not so much.

Again, logically, I would not begrudge anyone a raise at work. Lord knows they probably deserve it. And I would be the first one to advocate that it's nobody's business what someone else makes. ALSO, I agree that Mistakes Girl makes significant contributions that are invaluable.

But emotionally, it would hurt my feelings if she made as much as I did, since I believe I produce a better work product. That's my ego speaking, isn't it?


Jacky82020 on 06/05/2021:
That would be outrageous if she got a raise!

Glad you’re losing a few. Ive been gaining a few and need to work on it.

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
I feel that way too. Still, if she did leave us, it would create a tremendous hole in the firm, and not just workload either. She keeps me calm. She keeps Male Co-Worker steady. Everyone likes her a lot.


Horn_of_plenty on 06/05/2021:
haha, well, don't feel to bad on sleeping in because sleep is one of the most important things we can give ourselves.

i also slept in...and totally didn't plan for traffic, and almost totally missed the activity i was looking forward to doing! i got ready in 15 min and left the house...crazy!

do you live near any water that is moving that would create a cool breeze to walk in when the weather is hotter or do you have a shady park to walkk at? honestly, i know it's best to wake up to walk when it's cooler, but, personally, i have thought about it and choose sleep (unless i could nap after or something).

i love getting up late and later breakfasts, too.

so glad the tracking is helping you. you know i track and i find it really helpful too.

i honestly think you should ask for a raise. do you really make such a similar amount to walmart wages? i just find you SO DARN smart and organzied, i just see a loss to you leaving this job for walmart..

idk, i would say where the mask until you have both vaccinations...

i have begun at my apt building to not care so much about wearing the mask, because i'm vaccinated. except others are still wearing them in the elevator, then i realized the rule is to wear them in public areas still, so i guess i'll follow the rules in my apt building, lol....

we have to wear the mask on the bus / train; and the gym i heard...but that's NYC.

Donkey on 06/06/2021:
I do not live near water, woods, or shade. I would have to drive to those locations. About a block away is open farmland, out in the blazin' heat. My backyard, though, in the early morning is nice and shady. I'll write more about this today, but I was able to enjoy it until about 10am when the sun started to bear down.

I'm fully vaccinated, so technically, I do not need to wear a mask. Still, kind of like what Jacky said, with a mask and a poke - little to no risk getting COVID, spreading COVID. And I think some spaces, like public transit, really do still need mask-wearing. It's been said that gyms are NOTORIOUS places for germs.

The idea with Walmart is that there's opportunity for advancement. Right now, my daughter makes more money than I do! There's also a 401K, which I don't have. So there's more potential at Walmart, as long as I'm willing to take a step backwards first. It's hard... really hard...



Donkey - Friday Jun 04, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Keeping this short - hoping to get to work a little early -- or at least not late.  It's Friday and it's gonna be a GREAT day!  I'm determined not to let anything bring me down today.

  • Eating went well yesterday, overall, despite a change in breakfast and ordering Chinese food for dinner. 
  • I repeated the leg weight exercises in the evening that I did in the morning, due to lack of motivation. 
  • I went to bed far too late, catching up with Daughter - finally, the first time I've seen her all week!  She's got some good things happening to her at work, and she's really excited about it.  Also, she was kind enought to hear me out about my own frustrations at my work.  It was nice to have a fresh perspective on some of the things I've been feeling & dealing with at work.

The weather is going to get H-O-T for the next 4 days or so -- in the 90's with higher humidity.  We haven't turned on the AC yet, trying to save energy and money.  

Weigh-in day tomorrow!

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 06/04/2021:
The heat wave is heading for us too.....it will be nice for a change though. We have just enjoyed opening the windows...so far.


horn_of_plenty on 06/04/2021:
i would say you were motivated if you did the leg exercises in both the AM and PM! way to go on that!

we are also going to be HOT on the weekend. i'm happy tomorrow bc i'm going on a walking tour somewhere and i don't think it starts too early at all! very happy for a change of pace!

also, sleep is soooo important or it screws up your day / hunger / food / etc.



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