Day 8: No intention or mantra. Just trying to relax and make some decisions.
In retrospect, I wish I had counted down in my 100 Days' Journey. I know that I can change it, because it's my count-down, but... meh... IDK, might be too confusing looking back as to why there were 2 "Day 1" entries... *sigh*
As I was going to bed yesterday, I was feeling not-so-good about the day. I don't know if it was sad, bad, ashamed, guilty, disappointed, frustrated -- whatever it was, it was negative. That is not a good way to end a day, and especially a Saturday!
Today is not quite off to a good start either, as it is cold, gray, and rainy again. Monday and Tuesday - when I'm stuck inside a windowless office - are forecasted to be warm (80s) and sunny. These days will probably be the last of summer, too. Oh well, on the bright side, at least I did not sign up for today's Yoga Hike with any expectations. I'm still thinking about signing up for the re-scheduled hike on October 13th. It might hinge on whether or not my daughter can go with me.
I have free Library Yin Yoga Monday night, but unfortunately, Veterans' Chair Yoga has been canceled again. If I sign up for the Love Yourself Yoga, that starts Tuesday - oh my, I have to make a decision fairly quickly! - Yikes!
So I've been carrying around this issue for a while, and as I mentioned yesterday, I've wanted to post about it, but didn't have the right day to do it until today.
I've been giving some serious contemplation to having fat removal from my inner thighs, down to my knees. I'm not sure if it would be lipo, or the non-invasive "fat freeze" technique they have now where they freeze the fat cells from the outside.
My knees, my inner thighs -- have always been a contention with me. No matter what I've weighed - 112 to 186 - they've always been disproportionately large. And I'm sure it's not muscle, ha ha.
It's truly been a pre-occupation of mine for so long, that I'm wondering if I should do something about it to reconcile this THING about me, so that I can let it go and move on. I really feel as though my thigh/knee fat holds me back. It also runs my life, as every exercise endeavor is an attempt to get rid of these thighs & fat knees.
I spoke to a lady who had weight-loss surgery this week. As you may recall, she had lost all of this weight, and then decided to dedicate this year to "reconstruction" - mentally, physically, emotionally -- before deciding to do any surgery to remove skin. I checked in with her this week, telling her about my situation, and asked her where she was in HER journey, to help put my situation into perspective.
She said she's happy with her reconstruction process so far. She is still seeing results from her workouts, so she's not ready to have surgery, if at all. As long as she keeps seeing results or has decided that she's happy with where she's at, she will delay any surgery.
She suggested I do squats, sumo squats, and wall chairs (sitting against a wall), to see if focused exercise would help, first. It's a lot cheaper, she said, which she is right.
So I tried doing squats yesterday, and my knees and hips click something awful. It's painful, not in a good way, either. I'm not sure I can be disciplined enough to work on my thighs/knees naturally. And so this thought discouraged me something awful yesterday as well.
Obviously, I have to figure this out myself. It's just something I've been wanting to bring to the table and just get it all out.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
Okay, I've been wanting to discuss something with you all, but either I do not have enough time or something else comes up. Today, something else came up, so I will write about this other thing separately - probably tomorrow.
Day 7: Today I will try new things. Mantra: I am not afraid to try new things.
Donkey Yoga Adventures, Chapter 2
I am not afraid to try new things, right? Today is a day to try new things, right? So I thought I'd try Restorative Yoga at the New Yoga Studio. They are promoting a free lavendar neck/shoulder massage at the end of the session. What a nice thing after such a stressful week at work. Right?
RIGHT?
But I thought, first, I want to sign up for the 5-class "Love Yourself Yoga" in October, before I leave for the session. Well, they take PayPal. OK... well, I'm not afraid, so I'll do it. I have to create an account, get a verification number texted to my phone, log in, indicate my payee, put in my card information -- I do all that, and I'm ready to pay and... the SEND MONEY button won't activate. When I put my cursor over the SEND button, I can't send.
Repeat the above 5 times. Yes, 5 freakin' times. Still doesn't work. Now I'm getting really stressed.
I message the new yoga studio, and they said that they were working on getting a friendlier online pay system set up, but that I could come to the studio and pay there. OK, well, maybe I'll do that...
I ask my husband for help. I walk him through it. I try to pay through PayPal 2 MORE times -- still doesn't work. He cannot help me. (At least it's not just me, 'cuz I thought I was goingicray-cray.)
By now, I'm completely stressed out by New Yoga Studio. No, I don't want to go to Restorative Yoga today. No, I don't want a relaxing massage. Just leave Donkey alone.
I do a little more research and now I'm GLAD that Pay Pal didn't work. Why?
How can I not like someone that I haven't even met yet? I don't know but that's just how this Donkey rolls. (This was the same excuse reason -- one of them, anyway -- that I didn't sign up for Yoga Hike --- because I don't LIKE the teacher "Bree". And I'm sure that these 2 ladies are perfectly lovely. I just don't like them, I'm pretty sure.)
Needless to say, today was kind of a disaster - and this was all before 11am. I'm going think think twice the next time I try to be brave. Um, no.
EPILOGUE EDIT: The New Yoga person IM'ed me back, sing she fixed the online registration if I wanted to check it out, or that I could still pay by check. I thought that was really nice. Okay, I'll think about it, Becky.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
One of my biggest downfalls in life is pushing too hard to make things happen that aren't or weren't meant to be.
So maybe this is one of those circumstances.
I think you are telling yourself you don't like the teachers as, like you said, an excuse to not do it.
if you try these things, i urge you to realize that everyone is there for the same reason and to not worry how you seem in the class (like if you are new, beginner) and not to worry about other people's perceptions of you. you do these things for you.
i do understand your anxiety to try these new things, alone.
I love your reminder that everyone is there for the same reason, and therefore, not to worry.
Not only that, but I also think that perhaps these particular teachers are there for me to learn - not just yoga, but what they also bring to the class or event. Everything is an opportunity to learn.
Day 6: Intention: Today is devoted to my personal peace. Mantra: Peace be with you.
I realized that with all of the chaos at work and at home, I've rather lost focus of my 100-day challenge. I've done better with food. Did pick up weights a day or 2. But not really intent or focused on any particular achievement relating to weight loss or exercise.
However, I do think that working on my stress levels has been moderately successful so far. I see-sawed between "peace" and "gotta get through it" for today's focus, and I'm glad that I chose peace. The problem with an internal goal like stress reduction is that the results aren't really measureable, other than what I perceive in myself. I guess that's all that matters, though. Right?
With all of this craziness, I do not see how I will have the time or energy to attend the free Library Yin Yoga on Monday. This is what I resent about my job the most: that it takes so much out of me during the day, that I don't even get my free time to myself.
I had a nice dinner with mom, husband, and daughter last night. I will see mom again in December, hopefully.
The Yoga Hike has been rescheduled due to weather, so there's still an opportunity to sign up. Also, this yoga studio is changing up their schedule and offering some other things that I might want to try.
One of the BEST changes is that the Chair Yoga they offer is changing to just Tuesdays only -- but with a day and night session, so I can go with Mr. Donkey on Tuesday nights - at least to get him started.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
i'm glad there's another opportunity to do chair yoga at nights. it sounds good, sounds better than being home on a couch. it is exercise and good for you no matter what.
Day 5. No intention, no mantra. Just gotta get through it.
Insanely busy at work. I do not understand WHY we are so busy this late in the year. The busy season is in the spring and summer. (This was a question Inner Peace asked; she is right. This is crazy. ) I'm hoping that after this week things will even out. I'll still be busy, because of all the new contracts we got over last weekend, but at least it won't all be due at the same time!
In fact, I went to sleep at 830 pm last night so that I could wake up at 4:30 am today, so that I can get to work as early as possible. Ridiculous!
This is because we're meeting up with my mom for dinner, so I have to leave work early. Tonight is the only chance to meet up with her.
Anyway, husband doesn't seem to understand how time sensitive my schedule was yesterday for today, and when I tried to squeeze in one more thing before dinner, he got mad at me and started yelling. Well, that was the end of that. Not going to eat while angry, with an angry person. I wasn't hungry anyway.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
Day 5: Intention: Today I will take care of myself. Mantra: Not every day can be 100%.
It's going to be a rough day, physically, so my focus is pretty much just to get through it. Bad sleep, hormones, cramps, aches, pains, fatigue.
By acknowledging to myself that I am not functioning at 100%, this will help me set my expectations for myself.
As I mentioned in my reply to Bear this morning, my main goal is to get into bed as soon as possible. If I can do lights out before 9pm, that would be great.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
Sleep! We both could use some sleep this week.
Day 3: Devotional: I will honor my limits today. Mantra: Everything in its own time.
Very busy at work. Going in early, actually, to try to catch up. Hopefully this is the last busy week for the year. Everyone wants to close on Rosh Hashanah. What the heck...
And on top of this, when my time is so limited, my husband goes and has another GI flare-up, so I have to come home at lunch to help him. I told him last night that while it's really difficult to take the extra time, it's probably a good thing, because otherwise, I'd get no lunch!
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
I hope your husband feels better...and you do need a lunch break.
Day 2: I devote today to a state of peace and serenity.
Mantra: I release all things that no longer work for me...
I started feeling anxious late yesterday evening, over work, of all things. I know that my boss would not be happy that I worry about work on my time off.
We have a client who is a self-made millionaire, and good for him. But that doesn't give him license to think less of me and the work that I do. Did I tell him to schedule his closing day so that the only time he has available is 9am? I don't think so. He was so awful about the seller POSSIBLY needing extra time (days) to close, and now it seems as though our buyer will not be able to close on time.
I promise myself that I will not devote more negative energy to this person. "What goes around, comes around" and eventually, this will come around.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
Day 1 of 100: A goal is not always meant to be reached. It often serves simply as something to aim at. (Bruce Lee)
I dedicate this time to my overall well-being, mental and physical health.
A few semi-fluid goals:
It was forecasted that we'd have storms all day. However, we've had a break for about 2 hours, and now it looks like the sun is coming out. I *do* anticiapte storms around noon, though. Today will be a slower day, to recharge for the week ahead.
I signed the husband and I for October's Library Chair Yoga, and I am signed up for Yin Yoga (at the same library) for next Monday, September 30th. I was going to sign up for October's Yin Yoga (free), too, but on the same night, the same library is having a seminar on "Zero Waste Mindset" - providing tips on reduicing waste, saving money, and improving health. Well, I'm all about all three of those things! So I might sign up for that instead. There will be other opportunities for Yin Yoga (free or paid) at other times.
Yesterday, on my walk, I was sorely tempted to jog, but I had this odd feeling under my left knee cap that reminded me that my running days are over. I had a little of that same feeling this morning, but then it dissipated and I feel fine now. With today's rain, I probably won't get in a walk today, and that's fine. Best not to tempt fate.
My daughter says I'm making excuses for not attending next Sunday's Yoga Hike. Yes.
Progress as of today: 53 lbs lost so far, only -3 lbs to go!
I know I said I would not try to post things in the past tense. However, I wanted to mention that yesterday's intention: Today is devoted to my health -- really helped me stay focused. Title Company Man came by to drop off treats at the office, and I had no problem resisting. I just kept reminding myself, Today is devoted to my health.
I am trying to decided if I should sign up for a Yoga Nature Hike for next Sunday (September 29th) morning. Several things holding me back:
Believe it or not, I think it's the "new drive" part that's holding me back. I never go that direction.
The "investment" fee might be better applied to some classes or different yoga event.
Contemplating adding even more vegetables to my meals. Although high in carbs, might be thinking about adding 1/2 beans to lunch and/or dinner.
AFTERNOON EDIT: I'm really struggling with making sane nutritional choices for myself right now. With the exception of adding more vegetables, I'm all over the place.... Not a happy place to be.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Lately, I've been finding myself writing in the past tense. I'm not so sure that is a healthy perspective or what I want for my diary here.
Of course, juicy work stories are the exception (lol). I do a lot of venting about work here, too. It's nice to have a safe place to unload, but again, should this be my focus?
Food for thought...
I've decided to focus on the guidance of the Zen Teen book and return the other stress book written for adults. I'm looking for tools, not analysis.
Today's intention is dedicated to my health. As I mentioned earlier this week, this Sunday starts the 100 day countdown to the end of the year. I want to make the most of what's left of 2019.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
I too search for stress relieving activities and exercises.
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Would insurance cover something like that?
Not my insurance. But I have a chunk of change stashed away that I could use.
grannyannie on 09/29/2019:
Fat inner thighs are a very common complaint - how many women are happy with their thighs? If it's really that important you might want to think about it. Not inexpensive.
Not inexpensive and potentially painful. Plus, I'm not so sure that this would be the solution.
Horn_of_plenty on 09/30/2019:
you know how you had no mantra or intention? well, that was me the whole time at my parents. it was very relaxing, i'll tell you that!
wow! you have so many options of exercise / fitness / mental health options to sign up for! remember, even signing up for 1 is enough ;)
i totally understand you not being happy with certain body parts. in all the photos you post, you always look beautiful.
i have a friend that doesn't have any savings, that wants to get implants (chest). but she looks just fine. i think, personal opinion here, it's a waste for her as she'll have chances of issues with them, more doctor's appointments, and more bills. but she wants to do it, to make herself feel good.
for a long time, i know you were working on being happy with yourself as you are. being happy with maintaining a weight and not gaining.
i have fat on my thighs. i have cellulite.
i once did some of the cryo session thing on my abs. i found a cheap deal and signed up to freeze the fat on my stomach. i'd say it worked, it was around 5-6 years ago i think). but when i say it worked, it was MINIMAL. and, let me tell you, after that, i felt as though my muscle in my abs was weaker. something was off. i felt it affected also my digestion. just things seemed off and my abs seemed weaker afterwards. maybe it's just a mental thing, but i don't think it was worth having it done. it didn't fix me and what i really have found to help is more consistancy in my diet and exercise. so, perhaps i was happy with the procedure, but not enough to tell people it's going to change them enough. and it left me thinking i hurt my body (ab muscles) more than helped.
Thank you for your kind words!
My doubts are exactly what you mention: all the follow-up, potential for things going wrong or looking worse, etc.
On the other hand, your comment made me think, "Oh I wonder if there's a Groupon for this!" ha ha ha -- will I ever learn?
Horn_of_plenty on 09/30/2019:
it's my opinion that at some point everyone ages...and what's most impressive is to show off the hard work you put in on your end, rather than work you get done.
then again,, if i were rich, i may get hair extensions and all sorts of things, LOL.
Well that's just thing - I'm not rich, and this money that I have saved up... I mean, I could buy a used car, or put a down payment on a new car. Or take a trip, or pay off something, etc. The list is endless of other things that are probably more worthy of the $$ than fat cell removal.