I don't have much to say. This was a very hard weekend. The funeral was very nice. I'm glad I made the decision to be with my sweetie cat when we (I) put her down. I didn't want her to die alone on a cold steel table. I asked her to forgive me.
Progress as of today: 15 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
Take a look at that fabulous weigh-in!!! I am amazed that I was able to stay under 130 (technically speaking) with the kind of week that I have had. But I did it! Which should prove something to myself. Not to give up? Not to drown myself in food? I dunno. Too tired to think it through.
But I was so happy for the good weigh in today. It seemed to lift me up. I can tell that I'm getting a rhythm with working now. Even though it's not easy and I still get stressed, I do my time and then rest of the time is mine.
Tomorrow is the funeral for Grandpa. I'm having Husband make the appointment to put down the cat on Sunday. I kind of want to be there with her. She's such a delicate little thing, and I hate to think that her last minutes on earth would be in a strange place with her being scared. I think that if I were with her... she would have some comfort in that. Just as Grandpa wanted to die with family around him, I think I could afford the same courtesy to someone (something?) that has brought me so much joy and comfort these past 14 years.
And I definitely don't want to have to do that on a day where I have to work/drive! Those days are hard enough without having to deal with the cat as well.
Progress as of today: 15 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!
I will continue to pray for you this weekend, that you have the strength to make it through okay...I know you'll be okay.
Take care!
Glad you had a good weigh-in!
(And needless to say, I appreciate the support whenever possible:-)
Donkey is tired.
Grandpa (Husband's grandfather) has passed away. We received the call late last night. Friday (tomorrow) is the wake, which I cannot attend because of the damn job. Saturday is the funeral and luncheon. I'm sure both will be so sad... And nothing like having a huge honkin' luncheon buffet on a sad occasion.
I am still sick. It seems to hit me really hard around noon. People think I'm falling apart. They keep asking me, "Are you alright?" "Are you OK?" Um, well, I feel like crap, and wish I were at home in bed instead of working -- or trying to learn how to work. Other than that, oh sure fine.
Oh and add on to that, that it was -26F degrees (with wind chill) outside this morning, and I'm out there trying to do a pre-trip inspection of my vehicle in the middle of darkness.
We're putting my beloved cat down this weekend. I think Sunday, if possible. She is no longer eating much of anything any more. She is losing... um... digestive fluids in larger quantities on a regular basis. The scary thing is, no matter which end it comes out, it looks and smells the same. Now that is bad. It's time to let go.
(Great, more sadness. Somebody bake me a cake.)
I did make it to the gym today. I wasn't going to, because I only had 3 hours off between driving runs today (today I did not drive; I only observed or "shadowed" another driver). But I pushed myself to go because I knew it would do my mind and body so much good. And it did.
Tomorrow is weigh-in day. I'm not sure I should weigh in. With all the stress eating earlier this week and lack of exercise midweek... And then not feeling very good at all about this job thing -- I feel so lost and overwhelmed -- I dunno if Donkey needs one more thing to come crashing down on her. But then again, it's just a number, it's just to let me know where I'm at. If nothing else, it's so I'll have an accurate reading for the cardio machines when I resume going to the gym on a regular basis...
Donkey is tired.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
OK so here it is:
1. I passed the test -- BARELY. I made a HUGE error that personally I would have failed myself for if I had been the one grading. No excuses for what I did, just not thinking. But I did pass, so I should begin a new schedule of working (and working out and eating) tomorrow, but possibly Friday.
2. I have not been eating well this week, nor have I exercised (hardly at all) this week. Therefore, I do not expect a favorable weigh in on Friday.
3. I am still sick. Each day improves *slightly* but not by much. Now it's in my chest and I'm coughing all the time.
It seems that too much is happening all at once and I'm totally unprepared for all the changes!
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
When you feel better, that's probably the best time to get the exercise in. If you have a chest cough, I wouldn't do much cardio at all. If it was just a cold, then it would be a better idea. :)
Feel better. I know you can hang tough.
Chest congestion - hopefully productive coughing - you're on the mend! Tomorrow is another day and it will be better!
Friends of DD, you have always been with me, throughout the year last year, through good times and bad, thick and thin.
So I'm posting today to let you know that my test for my CDL is tomorrow. I do not expect to pass. I am nervous. I never do well for driving tests.
I am still sick. I skipped the gym today because I was dizzy and congested when I woke up. Tomorrow, I will wake up not so early and give myself time to do whatever I have to do so that I feel better by the time my test starts (i.e. take medicine and give it time to kick in, hot shower, menthol rub, etc.). I do not plan on going to the gym tomorrow either.
I have been eating chocolate like it is a food group. I must say, it has helped calm my nerves, even if it's not very nutritious.
So I just have to get through tomorrow morning. I know that regardless of whatever happens, I will still have friends here.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
have a piece of chocolate, (okay - I'm not supposed to tell you to do that, but we're in kind of a mini-crisis it sounds like) and BREATHE! Good luck!
dark chocolate is nutritious...have some of that...:)
i wish you loads of goodluck tomorrow as well as some feeling better wishes, too! :)
Well.... Just trying to survive the weekend, I think.
1. I am still sick. Had zero energy today.
2. Visited Husband's Grandpa in the hospital today. They are making arrangements for hospice care today, as well. Will know more tomorrow, but he should be coming home very soon. At least he will end his life in the comfort of a home and not in a hospital.
3. Vet took an x-ray of my dear kitty to find out that she has a tumor on her intestines (cancer). (FYI --- it was cheaper to get an x-ray than it would be to get another blood test.) We are seeking no further treatment for her, and plan to make her final days as comfortable as possible.
I have nothing else to say right now.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
I hope everything gets better with you dad. I'm sorry to hear about your cat.
Well, at least the weigh-in went well :-) Lost a pound in spite of having ice cream last night. So I am still maintaining, during this stressful job training period, so that is a job well done.
I realized that part of my problem with the driving test is that i am in such a hurry to get it done and over with that I don't execute the skills as well as if I just **RELAXED** and **TOOK MY TIME**. When will Donkey learn that she cannot control everything in life? I rush through things in an attempt to gain control, and it only sets me back further.
So even if I fail my test, it is a good test of my character (not sure if that's the right word). Maybe it would be better to say, it would be a good test FOR my character. To challenge myself to put things into the proper perspective, not stress out so much.
Today I have a 3 mile run planned. I still have a cold; I wish it were gone.
Progress as of today: 15.5 lbs lost so far, only -1.5 lbs to go!
Trying to control things is huge with me as well. And I agree...it is a challenge not to stress!
Have a great day and enjoy your run!
Hope you had a good run!
Tomorrow is weigh-in day. That is the only reason why I am writing now. Job training is not going as well as expected. The test will be very difficult.
To top off all this stress and anxiety --- I went from having AF/TOM to having an awful sinus infection. I hope today is the worst of it. There is nothing positive I can say about being sick. Well, I suppose there is, because the cold medicine takes away my appetite, LOL.
EVENING EDIT: I just wanted to clarify or apologize for sounding like such a whiny ass - er, whiny donkey - earlier today (see above). It's not that I expected anyone to hand me a job. You see, I need a CDL for this job, so this entails another behind-the-wheel driving course, only with a big ol' school bus instead of a car. I vowed when I got my driver's license for my car that I would do whatever in my power to NEVER EVER have to take behind-the-wheel again.
So what do I do? I sign up for a job that involves driving. Well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Or maybe I will pass the test. It is just darn frustrating to do well on the skills and then to blow it at the very end with just one thing (hitting the curb with my rear tire -- big deal, I see truckers do this all the time and they have jobs).
Well, what is life without the challenge? As I came to realize earlier today, even though it ain't fun to fail, there IS life after failure.
It would be a huge disappointment though. I would feel like I let people down, most of all my Husband and myself. :-( Well, Monday is a holiday (MLK day) and Tuesday is review and Wednesday is my test. I have the weekend to study.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
My anxiety level this morning is through the roof. It is almost making me sick to my stomach. I feel like I could easily eat my whole pantry. I will write more later when I have something more productive to say.
I just had to get that off my chest. I'm hoping the more times I say it, the less it will feel worse. That is, it will start to feel less and less bad. It's an awful feeling....
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
We all need to have a little "me time" to help us collect our thoughts and decompress.
I know the feeling of the anxiety...I've been struggling with it lately here as well. I've had to call in all the resources, breathing deeply, calling family, meditation yadda yadda. Anxiety is hell, but at least we know how to deal with it most of the time.
Take care of yourself. Sending prayers that the bad feelings go away quickly and that you have a better day.
~smile!~ Attitude is half the battle.
Hope you are doing a little better!
Last Week's Weigh In: 131.5 This Week's Weigh In: 129.5
I'm rather rushed for time this morning, but I couldn't wait to report my weigh in. I was pleasantly surprised. I had a bad eating episode on Sunday, getting ready for the next day's new job adventure. So you never know how many pounds you'll retain from binges.
And the past 2 days I've been eating at the high range of my calories. (1960 calories) And AF is due. And I"m feeling rather bloated.
But it was all good in the end.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
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So sorry to hear about all that you are going through...my prayers are with you.
shadetree on 01/27/2008:
I'm glad you had the strength to be there with your cat. I'm sure she has forgiven you - she is no longer suffering. Will continue to keep you and yours in my prayers.
workingit2 on 01/27/2008:
(((hug))) what a difficult weekend for you, for sure. May your grandfather rest in peace and may you be at peace knowing that your cat is no longer suffering and is resting comfortably.
fritters on 01/27/2008:
I went through this with my cat a year ago. I held her while they gave her the shot. It is all we can do. I think that we do it as much for our selves as for the cat. I hope life gets easier for you real soon.
crategrl on 01/27/2008:
(((((HUGS)))))
timeforachange on 01/27/2008:
It makes me sad to come back and read that you are having a rough time =(. Stay strong through this and know that we're all thinking about you. I pray that things get better and brighter for you in the near future.
thinnsidenotout on 01/29/2008:
Sorry! Prayers/Thoughts are with you at this difficult time....
borntocry on 01/29/2008:
You did what was best for your cat! And you were there for her 'til the end. I'm sure she couldn't have asked for a better mistress...