My new workout routine is inconvenient. By limiting myself to 30 minutes on the crosstrainer, I have to find 30 minutes of some other kind of cardio to do, either at the gym or later throughout the day. Well, I don't have TIME to do more cardio at the gym (or I would do it). And I have a hard time finding the motivation to do any cardio later on in the day. Yesterday I rode my bike with Daughter.
Today, though, while the kids were finishing up their swimming lessons, I pushed myself to run for 30 minutes (3 miles) in the hot, humid, sunny weather. There is a park adjacent to the swimming pool and they have a mile trail that I ran 3x. (Getting in 30 minutes was my goal.) Several times I felt like quitting, after 9 minutes, after 15 minutes, after 20 minutes. But my promise was to get in 60 minutes of cardio in total a day and that's what I did.
Hopefully this will change soon. The weather is supposed to become more moderate after today and the kids' swimming lessons end Wednesday (tomorrow). Having the lessons end means I will have more time at the gym.
Progress as of today: 7.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
I am spending time on the computer instead of eating. Husband has to go to work early at 3a, so he was in bed before 8p. This is always dangerous for me because I tend to eat (a lot) when he has to do this. I do not know why, but I believe it has something to do with a deep, underlying feeling of abandonment. It makes no rational sense as everyone is home - they are just sleeping! So there's no real reason for me to feel abandoned. Except that I eat in reaction, and that tells me that something is bothering me on some level.
Today I only did 35 minutes on the crosstrainer, instead of my usual 65. I think this could be a good thing, except that I had to try VERY HARD to get in some other form of exercise during the day. (My daughter and I took a long bike ride in the afternoon; not exactly "cardio" exercise but it was better than sitting on my donkey and doing nothing.)
I also did upper body weight training at the gym, something I have not done in quite some time. I also did some weights at home and now I know that I definitely have a problem with my right shoulder. If I cannot even do a shoulder press with 5lb dumbbells, surely something is wrong. So I cannot do shoulder exercises with any weight until that heals. I might go to the doctor but I do not want to have an MRI to resolve the issue (yet), as it is not that bad (yet).
I realize now that what is holding me back is what I eat. Or perhaps, rather, HOW I eat. I had an Oreo cookie the other day, and then I had 8 more. (See my entry with the beer and Oreos. Not something I recommend, by the way.) Then I went and had another NINE Oreos the next day.
Who do I think I am that I can have NINE Oreos? Honestly, you'd think I was 8 yrs old and could eat anything I wanted. So I am not fat because I have an Oreo. I am fat because I have many Oreos, many days in a row. (And it's just not Oreos, mind you.)
I really need to get a grip on the concept of moderation. I don't know why it is so hard for me to just have a little of something and be fine with it. This is where Donkey gets stuck in her rut.
Progress as of today: 7.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
Day 50: The family reunion is over, thankfully. No, I did not have a good time, but what is passed is past and I won't rehash it here. I'm sure that I didn't behave well, offended many and made several members upset. When I'm totally stressed out, I tend to retreat into myself, so I am not the most outgoing person under these circumstances. An alcoholic drink might have helped me tremendously but Husband had to work late at the last minute so I was on my own with this one (and the kiddies), so I thought it best not to drink, since alcohol goes straight to my head and I had to drive home myself. I'm sure my mother is upset with me. But on to more important matters here....
In 50 days' time, I managed to stop bingeing (for the most part) and lost 4 lbs. This might have been more, except that I stopped exercising since Friday, to rest and renew myself.
I have the trip to the UK to do next, so I think what my next short-term goal will be is to change up my exercise routine until we leave on July 4th. I plan to cut down my crosstrainer time to 30 minutes a day, incorporate more weight training and then some other kind of cardio to round out the hour.
I plan to change my routine again once I return from vacation.
Progress as of today: 7.5 lbs lost so far, only 11.5 lbs to go!
Great job loosing 4 lbs and keeping yourself from binging!! I agree with HOP, its a great idea to always switch up your exercise routine to keep your body guessing. Looks like you've been sticking to going to the gym even though it sounds as if your husband hasn't been joining you (as you suspected would happen!!) My hubby has yet to use the weight bench that I bought for him that is finally up. He say's he's waiting for the eliptical trainer to arrive but I'm afraid he's just procrastinating!
I was reading back through your diaries and comments and I think "My June Wedding" had some very valid points!! You do have so much going for you and you have made such huge changes in your lifestyle that should make you feel very proud!! I also think you have a great sense of humour, it even manages to come through in writting on here so I can only imagine how quirky and fun you would be in person! Keep your chin up and keep pushing forward, look at how far you've come!!!
Day 49: 2 hours before he's due to come home, Husband calls me up and says he has to work overtime today so he won't be going to my Family party tonight. Great. I *really* need his support right now and he leaves me to do it alone. Not enough words to express how much I dread this now. I didn't think it could get worse, but I was wrong.
Took a look at the menu online. Everything is a la carte and hugely expensive. My kids don't like to eat like that. Neither do I. Perhaps I can order a side dish of broccoli for myself. These stupid people, I hate them...
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
TWO WORDS: Oreos and beer.
This is not good. I need a new approach. So I took today off from the gym, but it will take more than just this weekend to figure out where I'm going with this journey.
I think I'm subconsciously anxious about tomorrow's Dysfunctional Family Reunion. And I'm also nervous about my upcoming trip to the UK. I think we are spending a couple of days in London and then about a week up in Scotland but I'm not sure where. Glasgow maybe? I wanted to go to Hawaii but Husband decided that this would be like our "once in a lifetime" things do. Whatever. No offense, but going to Hawaii has been a desire of mine for a long time, but Husband lived on Hawaii for 4 years so he has no desire to go back there. So I'm basically going along for the ride.
Now back to my Oreos and beer....
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Day Whatever: (I don't care any more to count) I have nothing positive to say so this will be short. The weight tracker accurately reflects my weight now. Essentially maintaining...
Oh, I do have something positive to day: Today is the LAST day of girls' softball for the summer season, and I will never have to coach with these stupid men ever AGAIN.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
Day 44: I was so depressed I had to have a cup of coffee after dinner. Sometimes coffee helps pick up my mood. So does writing here. Hopefully, when I am done with my cup of java and my entry for today, i will be feeling better.
I am so discouraged. I've had to work hard at my body image issues and food issues and exercise issues. And for the most part, I've pulled myself out of the downward spiral that thoughts like that lead to. But every once in a while, it really hits me HARD that no matter HOW HARD I try at this losing weight, that I will never be the tiny, slender, lithe person I want to be. I want to have a totally different bone and muscle structure from the neck down. My shoulders are too wide, my hips are too wide, my legs are too thick, my arms are thick too. My thighs are full, from the knee up. I have 2 fat deposits on my upper hip. This is genetic, because my daughter was born with fat on her hips too.
Oh how I wish I could have slender, lean legs, with space in between them when I have my feet together. Even at my lowest adult weight of 113, my thighs were full and they touched. Hate, hate, hate it!!!!
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!
i am so surprised that nobody on the site told me NOT to take it....or that i'm not overweight...so i shouldn't take the Alli. i guess we are all adults and make choices. so far, i've had no negative side effects because i'm serisouly making sure that i don't go over the fat grams at each meal. of course, the meal must have fat or the pill doesn't work. i think i've had a bit more gas than usual...haha, but that's it. they say the body gets used to it after a couple weeks.
oh, and yes, if i take the pill, which you do before starting to eat, i know i CANNOT binge! so, it will definitely help with that. (except if i'm snacking, then i'll have to take some individual control when alli is not involved!).
goodnight, feel better, you'll get through it! afterall, you've been doing well...just minor recent setbacks. put those things aside!
Hope you have a good one! (Coffee is a great pick-me-up--hope it worked!)
Day 43: I took a look at my food log for this past week. I see that I generally average 50g of fiber a day. It is rare for me to be under 50g. I do reach 70g on occassion, but then, those are the days when I eat more. So there's a trade-off there.
On my average 50g fiber day, I usually start off my day with high fiber cereal (All-Bran or Fiber One), one cup, with a cup of soy milk. Right there is 20-28g of fiber, in my breakfast alone.
For lunch I will have a vegetable wrap made with a high fiber tortilla from La Tortilla Factory. Those average 12-14g of fiber. My wraps usually have eggplant (more fiber) and or lots of lettuce. If I have eggplant in the wrap, then I will have a salad and a piece of fruit on the side.
My snacks consist of fruit (now that it is very hot here) or cold leftover vegetables from the night before. If I'm lucky enough to have a Fiber One Oats & Chocolate bar in the house, I will have that. I usually have a cup of coffee in the afternoon too, to help pick me up.
For dinner, I will have a serving of protein (meat, unfortunately) and then 2 side dishes of vegetables, or a vegetable and a salad, or a vegetable and a fruit.
Sometimes for my evening snack, I will have a serving of high fiber cereal with some yogurt. Or just dry. Sometimes I also splurge on some sherbert, which is not low calorie and very dangerous to overindulge.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!
i love high fiber breads/tortillas. Have you ever had the brand Morton's? they cell these rolls that are made of whole wheat and potato. only 80 calories, 4 grams fiber. its a good deal for a roll. they taste great and are chewy...and a bit more satisfying than bread.
Day 42: Ugh, up one pound. I'm not sure why. I've been eating less and thought I was active enough, even though 2 of my workouts were shortened because I didn't get up early enough to make it to the gym. I guess not. Well, it's very hot and humid here so perhaps I'm retaining water.
Today was the girls' softball All-Star game. It was enjoyable. It was the first time that I didn't feel totally railroaded by my fellow male coaches. Maybe it was because it didn't count. Or maybe it was because we were so bad. (We seemed to get all the weaker players from the other teams. My daughter's team was awesome, thankfully.)
My Husband was so nice today. Even though he is very tired, he came home after work and took my bike to the bike shop to get the chain fixed. So now I can take evening bike rides with my daughter. (I would take them with my son or husband, but my son doesn't know how to ride a bike and Husband doesn't exercise.)
Next Saturday at this time, I will be driving to my dysfunctional family reunion dinner thing. At least it is at a seafood restaurant so hopefully we can dine healthy. For tonight, I made a huge green salad, sauted zucchini and summer squash w/garlic (and olive oil), and then we will just have leftover pork chops and chicken breasts. Nice and light for such a hot day. Fresh fruit for dessert.
Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 12 lbs to go!
I LOVE the zucchini/squash addition to a meal..so tasty!
Day 40: Today was pretty good exercise-wise. I had 50 minutes on the elliptical. I tried something different. I usually go slow with a high resistance. Today I went faster and a slightly lower resistance. I think it was harder than going slow!
Then I came home and ran for 20 minutes with dd (she rode her bike). I just returned home from coaching girls' softball. We lost, but I'm almost happy about it. I am so disgusted with the male coaches on our team. They go around like they are so great, so when the girls fall flat, I'll be darned if I'll be the one to pick the team up. They're so great, let THEM do it. Well, I apologize to you for my poor "team spirit" but I am *tired* of being the token woman, the potted plant of the coaches. I swear, a mushroom could do what they give me to do.
So all I have to get through is the stupid All-Star game on Saturday morning (thank GOD it's early so we can get it done and over with), and then the last game on Wednesday. Then I can purge myself of this "bad karma".
I hope to have an official weigh-in very soon.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!
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they humidity makes it much harder. i agree and think that as the weather gets more pleasant, you'll have an easier time. back to my entry, i certainly would like to believe that the reason she gave me for not hiring me is more due to the reasons you said. i really hope that is the case. i wish i knew what was in everyone's head at these interviews! thanks for the response.
greengirl on 06/27/2007:
Well done on the three miles in 30 minutes. At the moment I can only dream about that sort of a time!! Fastest Ive done three miles is about 42 minutes and that half killed me LOL. Thanks for your support recently Donkey. It's much appreciated, believe me. You are so lucky to have a measured mile to run on. I wish we had something like that near me. I have to work out my distances using mapmyrun.com when I walk outdoors. You must be getting pretty fit by now. Keep up the good work :o)
legcramps on 06/27/2007:
I'm trying to work on my running too - I think you did great!