I have not posted in a while. My weight was WAY out of control during the week of Easter, climaxing at 138.5 on Monday. I think between the stress at work and the stress at home, I just wanted to eat until I felt nothing at all.
I am happy to say that I feel that I am getting back on track. Already the numbers are heading back down to maintenance range (128-132). I am at 135 right now. I can feel the extra bloating on my body, but I actually feel better mentally and physically weighing a little more.
Is that possible? Is it possible to feel heavier and yet feel good about it? Or am I just in so deep of a state of denial that all hope is lost? (well, not "lost" but "out to sea")
This week, I am off of work, Husband is on vacation and the kids are off of school. We are spending the time just relaxing at home, doing fun stuff and other necessities around town. I told my Daughter (7) that even though we did not do anything fancy or go anywhere for the vacation, that this is so nice just to be together as a family without the daily stress of work and work. And work.
Did I mention that I've come to the realization that my new job is really stressing me out? I definitely need to work on relaxing about that. I'm at the point now where if I don't pass probation (90 working days), that would be ok with me. I will apologize for not being up to their standards and thank them so much for the learning experience and the opportunity to try, even though I was unsuccessful. I will also thank them for the opportunity to meet so many nice people and be a part of the "family" for the time that I was employed. I will smile and hold my head high as I walk out of that office.
Of course I will miss the nice paycheck and the people that I've befriended. But hey, life goes on, and I'm a survivor. I'll be ok.
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
Isn't it a shame that the weight doesn't come off as easily as we can put it on? Still, I am definitely feeling more motivated to stay on track. My sinus infection is improving as well. Still there, but every day is a little better.
Progress as of today: 12 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!
Have a great weekend!
I still can see another half a pound gone there! You're doing great. If I was your weight now, I would be 18 pounds UNDER my goal. Hahaha. Enjoy, I am sure you look and feel fantastic!
I tell you Donkey, it was scary how quickly and how much weight I put back on in just a few weeks of weakness. Thank goodness I finally pulled up and started back on the straight and narrow. It will take me until the summer just to get back to where I was last summer. You stay strong before you do the same thing (you always were the strong one amongst us!!!). Take care :)
Survived another week! And the bingeing weight seems to be coming off slowly.
On Thursday I did not go to the gym after all. I did some extra driving to check out a route I would be driving later on in the afternoon (good thing too, because there was a tricky turn/curve that I spotted ahead of time). Then I came home to find that my kids forgot their snack (dd) and lunch (ds), so I drove over to the schools to deliver said food.
So it wasn't in the cards yesterday. Today I did go workout, and took it nice and easy for 65 minutes on the elliptical. However, I regretted my decision afterwards. I realized I should have come home and rested. I still have this awful sinus infection. Get this -- I cleared up at the gym and at work but the minute I come home, I start to clog up again. I wonder if the dander from the cats is causing my sinuses to go into overdrive. Hmm...
But I digress. I'm glad that my weight is back into maintenance range (127-133 is my official range). The weather seems to be improving here and there too which is wonderful for the morale.
My goal for the next week is to try to have "fun" at the job, not to get so stressed out or take things too personally over there. If they are going to fire me, that's their problem not mine. In the meantime, I will try to do the best that I can do. Otherwise, stress eating will be my demise.
Progress as of today: 11.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!
Do'nt let the stress mess with your eating healthy and staying in your "range"... Sunshine does the soul/mind wonders does'nt it?....
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!
Thankfully the weight is coming back down.
Thank you all so much for your supportive comments. You are right, no job is worth sacrificing my health for. That really helps put things into perspective for me.
It was very hard not to binge last night but I have to make the decision if I want the food more than I want to lose the weight. Last night, the "lose the weight" won.
I am very tired. I only get 7 hours of sleep, and I am still falling asleep around 8p or so. I am debating whether to go workout during my break or come home and sleep for 2 hours.
Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!
I have been struggling with eating very badly lately. I cannot seem to get back on track. Now I am starting to get sick, on top of being too stressed and too tired. I am re-evaluating my priorities.
I got a job so that I would be out of the house and away from food. Yet the stress from the job is defeating that very purpose. So something needs to change and for the better!
Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!
An exerpt from a Greg Landry Writing: �Have you noticed that just about every week is a "rough week????" By that I mean that things just don't happen exactly as you'd like them to. A variety of circumstances affect your schedule and your available time."
"With that in mind, if you're going to exercise on a regular basis, exercise has to be high enough on your priority list to survive the "rough weeks." For example, during "rough weeks" do you eat, sleep, and brush your teeth every day? Of course you do, because they are priorities in your life. If exercise is important enough to you then put it high on your priority list. Make your exercise "rough week" proof."
I do'nt give this to you as a "preaching at you".... It is just that there are ALWAYS going to be things in our life that are going to "mess" things up, but we have to prioritize the important things to us (should be our health) and get through our "growing pains"... You have every right to be discouraged/mad/P.O'd/Etc.... but turn that energy to be a positive one... :}
I sure hope you can get through this rough patch and start to feel better about your circumstances..... :)
Hope you figure out what you need to do - whatever that may be! Have a peaceful evening!
OK, there's no more denying it. I've fallen way off the wagon. It has been a horribly stressful week, with not enough sleep and too much stress at work. I spent most of this week in fear of getting fired. I can't continue to live another week like this. So I am making some changes.
Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!
I am posting here tonight because I have commented on a few journal entries, and if anyone has anything to say to me about that, I would prefer they comment on a more current diary entry than my self-revelation entry that I had over the weekend.
I had a very challenging day at work today, driving a school bus on a country route (in the snow) with no idea where I was going -- except that I had my little Garmin GPS unit with me. WHAT A DIFFERENCE!!!! OMGosh! For the first time since I started driving in January, I actually feel that I can do this job! WOW!!!
We are expecting 6-9 inches of snow tonight. So I hope it's a snow day tomorrow! No work, but of course, I'll be at the gym :-) But if not, if I have to go into work, that would be fine too, although I don't relish driving in the snow.
Today i had to help a kid in a wheelchair get on the school bus (using a lift). Got out of the bus to operate the lift and fell HARD on my donkey. Ouch! Thankfully (?) I do have some padding there still so I don't think I'll be hurting too badly. So I guess fat does serve some purpose.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Have a careful and wonderful tomorrow if you have to get out in the snow....
sometimes there are certain words i just about NEVER get right! so, thank you for calling that to my attention or it would have continued!!! Lose...it seems so easy...haha
Glad you had a better day, even though you ended up on your donkey. I'm sorry, i'm still laughing.... everyone's entries lately are absolutely HILARIOUS for some reason. Have you noticed that, or am I just going nuts?
(NOTE: Skip down to the last paragraph if you are only interested in hearing about stuff related to weight loss.)
Thank you so much for everyone who responded and offered me assistance! I so much appreciate EVERYTHING that has been said.
One thing I wanted to clear up was that I do not drive a regular driving route (yet), because I am still on probation (i.e. "Newbie"). So every afternoon, I go into work not knowing where I'll be driving, and which bus I'll be driving.
Believe it or not, every school bus is different! Different controls, different seats (my seat on Friday was wobbly!), a different feel to the brakes, everything! If it's not comfortable, as it was on Friday, driving on a wobbly seat, it can be very unnerving.
I do very well when I drive in my neighborhood. So I **KNOW** if I had a regular route, I would be just fine, because I know where I'm going, I would know the kids, I would know my bus. But being a Newbie is like being thrown into the deep end of the swimming pool not knowing how to swim! Imagine how that feels!
I did get myself a GPS device that will show me where I'm going (and yes, it is a Garmin, not a Tom Tom). I was playing with the device on Friday. Saturday was consumed with a mini-family reunion in Chicago. So today I'm taking the Garmin out for a drive in my car. I'm going to a few subdivisions that are not familiar to me (some that I drove in on Friday, some that I have never been to as of yet), and see how it goes.
I think that will help me A LOT. Even if it's just a mental boost to the confidence. If nothing else, it should help me to get back on track if I skip a turn or a bus stop.
I realized after I poured my soul onto Diet Diaries, that I *had* to let go of my anxiety so that I could "recharge" myself over the weekend. What is done is done, and I can't do anything to change it. The kids got home safely -- even though they were late -- and the bus was undamaged, and that's the important thing in the Big Picture for now. I can't go back and change it now. If I get fired, it will hurt, but I will be ok.
I need to go into the new week with as much confidence and optimism as possible. If I don't, I will continue to be muddled with anxiety, which will cause me to make even more mistakes.
OK, so what does this have to do with weight loss? Well, I'm taking this approach into my weight loss plan as well. First, I've decided that I want my weight to be securely in the 120s, not teetering on the 130 line so much. Secondly, I'm taking a rest from weight training this week and maintaining the status quo on the cardio (elliptical). Come March 1, I can start up a new weight training routine (using free weights this time) and I'm going to start running outside again, regardless of Winter or weather or what. Running outdoors restores my self-confidence, and I can no longer sit inside waiting for this to happen.
So thank you all again for your advice and insight. I'm going into this week with determination to make it my best week ever. I won't give up until my bus is parked on Friday afternoon! :-)
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
You can do it~manage your weight AND do well at work!! Great attitude today! Yay!
PLEASE HELP ME :-(
Now I realize where I can take my awful feelings that I had with me yesterday. I tried to talk to Husband about them, but he's a man so he was like, "get over it, let it go." But it doesn't work that way for me. So I truly felt like I had no other place to turn or to vent, but I know that my friends here on Diet Diaries will always give me unconditional support (unless I'm deluding myself and then BiscottiBody will tell it like it is).
I have not been doing well at my new job. I have been driving school bus routes on my own this week, and they have been merciful in giving me easy routes. My co-workers think they are easy; I acknowledge that they are easy routes.
Yet I keep messing up! I will miss a turn so then I have to find my way back onto the route (usually involving a trip around the block or a turn around in a parking log). These turnarounds set me back at least 10 minutes into the routes. I feel that I should not be making mistakes like this, yet I continue to do so.
For example, yesterday, I had a left turn on "Street" and then a right turn on "Avenue". Well, I kept looking for "Avenue" and drove right past "Street". I had a bunch of autistic kids on my bus so the bus aide had to help me get back on track. She is notorious for being snippy about "Bus aides focus on the kids, bus drivers focus on the roads" and I don't blame her! (She definitely had her hands full!) I was so surprised that she was willing to help me out, because she did have her hands full.
Eventually she did get me back on track. But this has been happening all week! And it's not like I go into this blind: they give you a print out of directions, along with a list of kids that get off at each stop. So WHY can't I get my head on straight and just go the right way????
I think 2 things may be the cause: 1. I workout between morning and afternoon routes, so maybe my workouts are making me "spacey". :-( This would mean I wouldn't be able to workout any more, because that break is the only time I have time to do so.
2. My brain feels overloaded with directions and anxiety (uncertainty), and thus I am unable to focus on the task. Like when you rush through something too fast that you mess it up?
I don't know but sooner or later, if this keeps up, I'm going to get into trouble. I hope the bus aide doesn't turn me in for being a terrible driver. We were 20 minutes late, and that's just not good.
As a result of my horrible day on Friday, I came home and had a huge snack. Then after dinner, I started thinking about my day again and had another huge snack consisting of Fiber One bars.
Today I am taking my kids and going into Chicago to visit with relatives. I hope the Fiber One bars don't come back to haunt me this morning, as we will be on the train and the bathrooms there are --- not so good.
PLEASE HELP ME :-(
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
Do you have the same routes for the week, or do they change daily? Do you know ahead of time to where you could drive them on your own once before you take a bus? Otherwise, maybe plot them on a map yourself - that way you can see what streets you pass before you get to your turn etc, so you can familiarize yourself with the whole route rather than just where you turn. (Does that make sense?)
Hoping the snack doesn't haunt you today! :) Have a good weekend!
Today is the coldest day of the week. It's a warm-up from here on out until after the weekend when it comes down again (but not as cold as it was today). Gosh, if we could just get above freezing to melt some of the ice on the roads!
I'm getting the hang of the job. Still very stressful, and definitely not as easy as staying at home. But Friday is payday, so I'm sure I'll really appreciate having the job more then. Seriously though, I think I will work out alright in the job -- at least for a few years.
Eating has gone pretty well. I've been weighing myself more than once a week lately. My weight has been up and down -- up to 132, then down to 129.5 today (as it was earlier, as you can tell by my weight graph). My 3 month hiatus on maintenance is almost over (I've been maintaining more or less since Thanksgiving Day (U.S.)), and I have decided that I feel better about myself if I am in the 120s than if I am in the 130s.
So I have no concrete goal as of yet. I figure I'll start working towards staying in the 120s come March.
Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!
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Glad to see your post today...and that you are back on track....
Have a wonderful time with your family...
crategrl on 03/27/2008:
Sounds like you are adjusting your attitude about the importance of a stressful job. Keep up the great attitude and you will do just fine!
shadetree on 03/28/2008:
Maybe your body just likes to be 135 better than 130? What's wrong with 135 - that's 10 pounds under my goal...(I know, you are not me...)
Enjoy your week off with the family!