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Donkey - Friday May 01, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 140.5

Thought I'd check in for the beginning of a new month.  I see the last time I was here, I weighed around 135.  Ouch. 

April was a very difficult month.  Painful. 

I'm determined to see things from a glass-half-full point-of-view this month though.

Progress as of today: -5.5 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/01/2009:
hi. i had a strong feeling that i was going to read something like this on your entry. i am in your "sinking" (but let's turn it around right now!) boat right now. you have no idea. painful doesn't even start to describe it. i never knew that life can be so cruel at times.

i say let's try to ignore some of the stupidity out there. let's realize that nobody's perfect and feel sorry for those people that get you down and upset you.

i tried the half full deal this afternoon. i exercised at the park, got pretty wet from the rain that all of a sudden came down at mile 2.5, drove home, went to the GYM and exercised on the elliptical for 30 minutes with wet pants in the front only thankfully and keeping my sweatshrit on. i had to do it, for me. it felt good.

keep going. don't stop. for when you do, it is VERY hard to go back. we all want to succeed....and you know what, we are succeeding. even if you don't see it, you are. you definitely did all these past few months. sometimes we are at a hault, and bridge we must pass which is difficult. we cannot always continue to improve without some stones in the road. let the stones make you stronger. i am speaking positively to help you realize there is a rainbow beyond this storm. trust me, i'm there with you all the way. the students i'm in class with this year and unlike anyone i've ever went to school with in the past. and i guess the goal is just to get though it. deal with the punches. life is not always what we expect. it is tough. :(

nenak on 05/02/2009:
you done it once you can do it again!

WI_HashiHypo on 05/02/2009:
I'm sorry you had a painful month :( that sucks. Here's to a new month and a new opportunity. (((hug)))

MoodyMe on 05/04/2009:
Donkeeeeeeeeeey!!! So sorry to hear that your month was a rough one, but am very glad that you checked in with us!! Wishing you a wonderful wonderful May~huggz!

Donkey - Sunday Apr 05, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 135.5

I didn't want to leave my diary on a low note, so I thought I would post today, since I am feeling much more optimistic and hopeful.  And I am grateful because I truly believed that I was headed towards a very, very deep depression (again). 

I think this shows that I've become more resillient.  I have my husband's support to thank for that, this time around.

My gym is starting up a cardio challenge after Easter, and I have signed up.  So as far as this weight loss journey is concerned, I will be focusing 90% of my efforts on cardio -- hey, first prize is a free gym membership!

This is exactly what I needed, because nothing gives me a can-do feeling more than cardio (although lately, weight training has been stepping up to the plate).  After the gym challenge is over, I plan to return to weight training.  In fact, I may pare down my cardio WAY DOWN and really pump up the weight training.

But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it!  Here's to a great weekend!

Progress as of today: -0.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!

thinnside40 on 04/05/2009:
Crossing bridges before we reach them doesn't do us any good, cause they aren't there yet.... Taking 1 day & step @ a time is wisest and set aside the "what if's" of tomorrow......

Best & happy thoughts sent your direction Donkey.... I truely mean that, as I hate to see anyone suffer or have difficulties when they are trying so hard to be on top of their game....

Good Day!

loveray on 04/06/2009:
awesome! you totally turned around your attitude. you are welcome for dinner any time!! xo

WI_HashiHypo on 04/06/2009:
How nice to have a challenge that you enjoy! I hope you win!! That would be really cool =)

I had popcorn the other day, but it was dry air popped stuff, I put some spray butter on it, at least the salt stuck to it LOL.

I hope your plans are a little clearer now and you are feeling stronger. I know it goes back and forth.

I hope you had a fantastic day today.

legcramps on 04/07/2009:
Have a good week!

starfish on 04/07/2009:
HI there :-) Good luck on your challenge! I'm glad you are pulling out of depression. I have been in a similar spot lately.

MoodyMe on 04/07/2009:

I am glad that you have pulled yourself up outta your funk~I HATE funks..really, I know how you feel..and I HATE knowing Im in a funk and wanting to climb out of it..Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I succumb..I'm glad you Succeeded!!!! Yay!!!!

And good luck on the Easter challenge at the gym!! I love that idea~and I bet you will kick some major ass!!! Keep us posted!! HUGZZZ!!!!

Donkey - Saturday Apr 04, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 134.5

I'm just checking in for the first of the month.  My weight was actually 137.5 on April 1st, due to some bingeing and then some popcorn eating too.  (Too many carbs.)

But I'm back in maintenance range now.

I"m also checking in because I'm going through a very rough time right now.  I"ve had a change in plans and it sort of set me back quite a bit.  So ...  I'm not sure what comes next, and I think until I figure out what DOES come next or whatever, that I'm going to keep quiet.  I can't think clearly when I'm depressed like this.

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 4.5 lbs to go!

Donkey - Friday Mar 27, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

Not sure what my current weight is.  It's probably around 135.0.  I had a large "meal" or "snack" late Thursday night that consisted of 2 cups of yogurt, 1 cup of Fiber One cereal, and some dried cranberries with about an ounce each of almonds and walnuts.  I'm guessing around 700-800 calories.  It was not an eating frenzy, nor is that really enough calories to call a binge, for me.  It was like a whole other large meal.  Afterwards, I was full but not stuffed.

Maybe I'm making excuses for myself.  I dunno.  I had someone call me out on excuses the other day, so now I'm going around thinking, "Does this sound like an excuse?  Am I making another excuse again?"  Who knows....

I had my front tooth repaired on Tuesday and tonight (Friday night), the porceline filling fell out.  So now I have to go back and have fixed again.  I hope they are open on Saturdays.  Even if I can't get in on Saturday, I would have peace of mind knowning WHEN my tooth will get fixed.  Having said that, now for sure they will be closed tomorrow.  That's just how things work for me.

I am thinking about making more adjustments to my eating and exercising.  I am thinking about cutting down more on my cardio to 30 minutes a day on the elliptical, and then running 3x a week.  And then 1 hour of the bike ONLY on the weekends, just to warm up my muscles so that I don't have sciatica for the remainder of the day.

I am thinking about not tracking calories any more, and seeing where that takes me.  I know I can pretty much not track breakfast because I have the same thing every day.  I don't know though if I can let go of the rest.  And that doesn't mean that I wouldn't have to measure, because I still would need to keep portion contol in check.  It's just that I wouldn't be keeping a running tally of my calories.

Maybe after this next week.  This coming up week will be INCREDIBLY stressful.  Just awful.  Friday afternoon, though, it will all be over and I can put it behind me.

Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/27/2009:
Sounds like you're going through a lot, too. I hope things get better for you. Thank you for your comment to my entry. Hoping this coming up week will prove to be much less stressful than you feel it will be. Take good care of yourself.

WI_HashiHypo on 03/28/2009:
Sorry to hear about the tooth. I had the same thing happen to 3 of my back teeth after being on a high protein diet, took all the calcium out of my teeth, broke them chewing gum of all things. Hope you are taking some time off from everything to relax. That sciatica is awful stuff!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/28/2009:
not tracking calories may be good for you. just plan to do one thing/one change at a time like one step at a time. :)

Donkey - Monday Mar 23, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

I chipped my front tooth today on a fork.  I didn't even really realize it until I felt something hard in my salad that didn't belong there.

This is the second time I have lost part of a tooth while eating.  I am beginning to wonder if my dental enamel has been severely compromised by my past dieting and malnutrition.

For anyone who thinks that sacrificing adequate nutrition - including calcium - for thinness is OK to do, learn from me and my mistakes.

Now I have to go to the dentist; I don't have the money to do that right now.  This stinks.

Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/24/2009:
so sorry about the tooth. it rings a wakeup bell in my head. i wish the bell would ring louder! :)

you know how some people envy really thin people for being able to eat a lot of whatever they wan't?? It could just be bc they don't deprive themselves. you know, they eat a healthy 2000 cal and they burn it up. bc 2,000 is good for most active people. who knows, maybe they can even eat more. (i'm referring to women not men.).So who knows, maybe eating on the high end isn't such a bad thing...as long as I'm active. that's why i'm worrying less about the calorie end of it. being in shape, like you say, is 100% more important at this moment.

legcramps on 03/24/2009:
Oh my goodness! Sorry to hear about your dental mishap, and hope it can be fixed as soon as possible. Try to have a good week regardless!

Donkey - Saturday Mar 21, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

I'm not sure what my current weight is.  I haven't weighed in 2 days because the last day I weighed in, Thursday, my weight had dropped to 130.5, and if I start seeing numbers in the 120s, I start getting a little wonky with obsessive-compulsive ways.

I think it's moot because yesterday I was very tired and feeling very sad.  So I had problems stopping myself from picking at food, mostly nuts and that dish of brownies in the kitchen.  I decided to allow myself increased calories yesterday (2500) in order to refuel from a busy and stressful week.  And I was able to stay in control that way. 

(If that number seems high, understand that I usually eat around 2100 calories a day.)

I'm not going to talk about what I accomplished this week or what I failed to have the guts to do (I chickened out on some phone calls I had to make this week).  I'm going to use this weekend to relax mentally and kind of just reload, psychologically, spiritually and physically.

Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/21/2009:
I will be praying for you. As for the dish of brownies in the kitchen....sounds like you did real well.

I have a friend who loves to fix brownies when she has company over and when I go to her home, I usually have at least one or two of the brownies, they are soooo good!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2009:
2100 calories is probably great for you with all the exercise you do. i wish i was a man and could eat 3,000 cal a day if i were really fit! ooooh. how good would that be! lol. i hope in this coming week you will accomplish some of the things you've been wanting to do.

as for me, to clarify: no matter what i WILL BE in school 5 days a week during the summer. however, it is ONLY supposed to be clinical which means showing up to the hospital and getting better and taking Xrays and, believe me, there are like 70 different procedures we need to learn. so it's great experience for two months to only worry about that. HOWEVER, the teachers are thinking of only doing it for one month (which includes our one week vacation time which means even less experience!!!) and then the next month starting up with school instead of waiting till september. if we start up school early, i'll be having tests again which means that my time outside of schoool will be more limited for exercise and i will have to spend it differently in order to study. it means that i will also have less experience taking Xrays, which is exactly what i'm going to school for. the teachers say we'd get out at least a month early if we start going to school earlier but i'm not a fan. i'd rather have both summer months now without tests. in september we'd have school 2 days a week and clinical experiences on the other 3 days. i'd rather stick with that come september and not have to think about any tests till then!

lol, i hope that clarifies. so....i'll be busy no matter what in the summer. it's just a question of what i'll be doing OUTSIDE of school. if we have tests, it won't be a very enjoyable summer at all!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/21/2009:
and yes, you are right. whenever there is uncertainty i tend to binge in order to comfort myself or in order to take myself out of reality. to zone out from it all. it's a completely obsurd way of dealing with it. hopefully, if we stick to how our school program is SUPPOSED to have went, we'd have class 2 days a week next year so that means less tests/less studying. the teachers may want to change things, keep classes 3 days a week. once again, i'm not a fan. the less stress the better! ugh. a lot of my program is up in the air right now. much uncertainty indeed.

grumpy on 03/23/2009:
HOP, do you wish you were Michael Phelps to eat 8k calories a day? Hehe.

Donkey, good for you to increase your calories that day you felt the need to and I am glad you eat 2100 a day because you are very very active.

Hang in there, youre doing great. xo

Donkey - Wednesday Mar 18, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.5

I can see that I am definitely maintaining now.  My weight training is going very well.  I'm starting to see some very visible results. 

I've started running outside again, 2-3 times a week.  (This week will be the first time I've run for 3x if the weather holds out.) 

I'm making amazing progress in my therapy, and I haven't even begun any of the actual theraputic exercises (e.g. relaxation techniques, visualization, tapping, hypnosis). 

Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/18/2009:
Good on the running!!!

thinnside40 on 03/19/2009:
Happy for you in acheiving goals you have wanted to accomplish for a time.....

Happy Thursday wishes!

Donkey - Saturday Mar 14, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

I can only hope that my 2lb gain is due to either PMS/TOM or perhaps from too many carbs (or not enough water) from yesterday.  Ugh....  I really need to put away my scale.


Progress as of today: 2 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

grumpy on 03/14/2009:
Hey girl, all is good and you? When I say good, i mean average. hahaha. Dont worry about the two pounds you've been on this journey long enough to know when the two pounds is because you went off track or just a normal variation from a day to another. relax, do your best and weight in or not, but when you do, that those things into consideration. I miss you girls, but even when not as active I am still around. I am getting back into DD and my exercising too, which is good news. xoxoxox

thinnside40 on 03/14/2009:
Set "A" day each week to weigh maybe..... Make it 1 week and the next will come easier to wait.... or start off with baby steps and go ecery 3rd day or something like that..... YOU CAN!!!!!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/14/2009:
yeah, i think my weight is around 135 now. the reason i don't know an exact weight is because i've been eating so much "bulk" lately so i'm constantly bloated/full when i weigh. even in the morning from the night before. so i *hope* that 135 is right and it's not more. the scale said around 138...but like i said, my stomach was pretty extended so...i hope it's 135. lol. after 135, i'd be considered overweight for my height! how scary is that!?

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/14/2009:
thanks for the advice you gave me the other day concerning school and dealing with certain types of personalities. i know i will have to try MUCH harder to not let people get to me so easily. :)

Maria7 on 03/14/2009:
Lots of carbs will do it, that's for sure!!! Even low-cal ones!!!

Donkey - Wednesday Mar 11, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

OK, so here I am at a little lower.  I woke up very hungry this morning.  I hope it won't be a Hungry Day. 

I've started running again.  I run slower now, so I can go longer.  2-3 times a week.  I had forgotten how much I missed running.

I spoke to my Husband about going back to school for some training.  I am thinking about becoming a paralegal.  Or perhaps a medical transcriptionist.  At least I was able to start talking about my future plans.

I had my 2nd therapy session yesterday.  I went in (yesterday) having doubts about this guy and if I would be able to work with him, but afterwards, I came out feeling confident that he will be able to help me.

I've started eating nuts again -- cautiously.  They are such a trigger food for me.  But I found that I was not getting in enough fat in my day.  Ha ha, forget Cardio Queen.  I am the Queen of Nonfat Diets.  I'm such a product of the 1980s when that was touted as the solution.  It's not, because diets like that leave you feeling unsatisfied, even after a huge meal.  I could eat all the sweet potatoes I wanted and still not feel "satisfied". 

So I've added the nuts.  And I find myself missing peanut butter too, but I'm not ready to bring that back into the house yet. 

I do think that low GI or low carb is the way to go.  Get rid of all the "white" and processed food in your diet. 

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

biscottibody59 on 03/11/2009:
I had looked into court reporting a few years back--here's a link to schools with "approved programs" from them. (Many court reporting schools also have paralegal programs.) Good luck!


Here's the page with the schools:


Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/11/2009:
yeah, STAY AWAY from the pb. it's just BAD. and for nuts, make sure you CHEW them good or i don't think the body will absorb all the nutrients they have to offer. i am a horrible chewer, but it will do your body good. i am trying to get back to chewing my food better, lol.

you are right about me. i'm worn out. need a break. but we don't get one until the end of April. There are few days I can take off in between bc i'd be missing important experience stuff that i won't get any other time...and i kinda refuse to take off and miss actual classes. i've only taken off on clinical days so far when i am usually in an area where less goes on so i miss less but never miss class. blah blah....

right now i'm just working to get through Friday...

i so miss working out all week. I haven't since Sunday but i know it's what's best for me...even though researchers and doctors probably disagree.

good for you....deciding to go back to school. smart decision in these economic times....please update on how everything is going! :)

thank you for your advice and feedback. i've always been my heaviest during periods of life that were totally new situations and periods of transition. not all periods of transition though....when i graduated college i was in good shape as well as my years of teaching music. but after that changed, and i was hired to teach reading last year and i started to look into this field my weight skyrocketed. it's harder than i thought it would be to go back to how i was. i was much busier when teaching music and finishing my degree. but for some reason, my body was able to do it all even though at times i thought i couldn't. now, i don't think i could ever do all of that at one time...but also some weekends i wish i had a small part time job to take up too much time that i have...who knows... but, then i'm thankful for the time and am glad i don't have a job! i know you probably can relate....

thanks for letting me babble.

you are good to me!

Donkey - Thursday Mar 05, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.5

I made a comment on the forum started by MomOfSome1UKnew.  I stand by what I have said.  That's all I'll say about that.

My weight is not accurate in the tracker.  Hit the apple pie pretty hard last night.  I dont' even LIKE apple pie all that much.  Hormones and fatigue and anxiety got the better of me, I'm afraid.

However, I had a GREAT workout today, with all those extra calories in me.  Also, the weather -- THANKS omahagrl! -- was so beautiful here today that I went running outdoors for the first time since the last week in November 2008!  I really had a great time, just took it nice and slow and leisurelly.

I can tell though, that ONCE AGAIN, I am heading down an unhealthy path of overtraining.  So I need to make some adjustments to my exercise routine.  I'm going to ease up on the resistance level that I do the elliptical.  I'm also going to cut back some more, if I am going to run outdoors.  I'm not sure how or where to make the adjustment, but it has to be done.

Progress as of today: 1.5 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/05/2009:
yes, today was much nicer over here too! so glad you got a chance to be outside. i hope the sun had a good affect on your mood!!!

why do you have to be heading down the path of unhealthy eating!? i think you should cut back on the exercise if you have some fatigue. i know i go to food when i'm exhausted.

you are doing great!

nenak on 03/06/2009:
sounds good to me

biscottibody59 on 03/07/2009:
I want to personally thank you for your fine observation re: the 13 y/o--the mother, etc--I left a thoughtful comment to him/her/it the day before and promptly deleted it after your comment in the forum. Most of us don't have time to support the GOOD DIARISTS here sometimes much less someone who is playing games. (I've seen this "sock puppet" thing done on a newsgroup maliciously and the newsgroup was never the same.)

Have a good Saturday there!

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