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Donkey - Monday Feb 18, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

Alright, I'm going to just spill it:

In spite of feeling binge-y all day, I managed to hold off until the night time. Once again, my inner demons got the better of me.

I realized today that I am in a slump. This weather has me feeling so beaten down. Seriously, I feel tired, sore, sad, no energy, hopeless at times. And I hate this feeling. Physically and psychologically, it is very annoying, very uncomfortable. This is NOT who I am.

I would scream "This is NOT who I am" from the top of my house, except that it's too cold outside to do so.

As I sit here typing this, I am listening to one of my cats sneeze his tail off. Gosh, even the dang cats are sick. My 2 boys both have watery, runny eyes, and the one dumb one here sneezes throughout the day.

I'm nervous about going back to work on Tuesday. I'm still not very comfortable with driving yet. Maybe I am dreading this, and that is why I feel especially down today.

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/18/2008:
I do know that after even one extra day off, some people get antsy about going back to work, especially if the job is a relatively new one like yours. I believe your feelings are normal. It is cruddy weather over here, too. I seriously cannot believe how many people have gotten sick this year...even the amount of people online here! I hope your cat and boys feel better very soon...as I hope you will, too.

Sometimes the best way to break a negative cycle is to do just what you don't want to do...go to the gym. Try to wear something you feel flatters you best and get yourself prepped to go there. I would have gone today, but I do think I have fever and I know i have a headache/body aches. So yoga is a no-go, unfortunately!

Hehe, my sister ended up moving out the first week of February with a tremendous amount of support, help, and assistance from my parents. My dad hired some people he knows from his industry that did all the carrying and lifting into her apartment. My sister and I are so lucky to have a dad like ours. He always puts others first. My mom was helpful, too, but without my dad's strength and willingness to get out early and be helpful i doubt so much would have happened the way it did. She has come back for a day each weekend to gather a few more things from home. It seems she's happy...and SO AM I! I have my car back! haha. Thanks for asking!

workingit2 on 02/18/2008:
February is ALMOST over..I am SICK of this month, cold, damp, frozen weather...wacky stuff. One of my cats is sneezing all day as well..the other has runny eyes. Hang in there and don't beat yourself up!

shadetree on 02/18/2008:
Did you get rid of the pie?

Ever thought of light therapy? This time of year is horrible...If it's been as cloudy there as it has been here, no wonder you are on edge!

It will take time to get used to the driving, but you'll get there! Have a good day tomorrow!

mmuraro on 02/18/2008:
Aw, you need to break this chain to feel better. Maybe when you and the boys are feeling better you can do some fun activities with them and more around a bit to get that endorphin going? Any exercise you can push yourself to do will help, I am sure. Be strong! I read once that before you binge you should get a piece of paper and write the date, time, what you were feeling and why did you want to eat that for.. Most people do that and realize it's not worth it. Maybe something to give a shot. Hope it gets better soon!

borntocry on 02/19/2008:
I keep wishing I could send some of our nice weather your way. You poor thing! February can be such a depressing month, but spring is right around the corner!

So how was work? I'm sure your driving's just fine. Stop being such a perfectionist. Just think of all the half-wits around the country who are nowhere near as good as you.

Donkey - Sunday Feb 17, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

I feel like eating everything in the pantry today. :-(

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/17/2008:
Don't do it. Get out of the house. Do to a cafe and take a nice book. Or go to a book store and buy a nice book and take to the cafe, get some herb tea. Or get inside the movie theater, get yourself busy. :)

thinnsidenotout on 02/17/2008:
Uh Oh!.... Hang in there......no regrets is best!!!!!!

workingit2 on 02/17/2008:
Me too!! It has been a real struggle today! I hope you are doing ok and hanging in there!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/17/2008:
DONK DONK...get out of your house! just go! go to the movies with the kids...or plan a day at the mall to walk around with them! I know it's hard, but you can do it!

MsKitty on 02/18/2008:
DONT DOOOOO IT!!!! you'll just feel like S*it after you do with all the guilt.

Donkey - Saturday Feb 16, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

OK, just want to get this off my chest....

Ate above my calories today, by about 200. That's not gonna kill me. In fact, I think it's good to have days of varied calorie levels. That is to say, some days, I should eat less and some days I should eat more.

What annoys me is that most of that excess calories is from this stupid Dutch Apple Pie that Husband bought at the market. It's not even that good, but the kids don't like it, and so it is staring at me and staring at me. I told Husband to take it to work tomorrow. If he does not, I'm going to put it in the refrigerator --- waaaayyy in the back. Out of sight, out of mind.

For some reason, I have been sad today. Depressed? Maybe. But genuinely sad. For no good reason that I can think of or identify. So that drives me nutty too. It's one thing to know why I am sad, but just to be down in the dumps? That rots.

So perhaps that might be one reason for reaching for the pie when I clearly did not want any nor did I need any. I'm sick and tired of being in a state of discontent. Whether it's changes or deaths or catastrophe, I'm sick of this negativity. Now how's that for negative? All this negativity is bringing me down. No doubt! I think I have some spiritual heaviness to lose as well as physical heaviness :-)

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/16/2008:
I'm sorry you're feeling down. I get like that a lot, but to me I think it's mainly related to my weight and I feel better now that I see some progress. Maybe it's the weather, or something in the back of your mind that you don't realize. Don't worry, it should pass, but it's definitely a good idea to try and have a brighter outlook on things! Maybe yoga? (not sure you do it already or like it, just an idea). Dont even mention the 200+ cal. It's nothing! :)

workingit2 on 02/17/2008:
Hey congrats on being back to your goal! I have 'sad' days as well...those are very difficult and drive me crazy. Hope your blues go away quickly and that you have happy times =)

shadetree on 02/17/2008:
YOu have certainly been through the wringer the past month or so, added with this crappy weather we've had and lack of sunshine, and it's only natural to feel somewhat down. I hope the sun shines for you soon and brings you up out of the spiritual heaviness.

Throw the pie out. The kids don't want it, so who does that leave to eat it? I've finally overcome the guilt of tossing out food - you know those starving kids in China and all...but how does getting fat make their lives better? it doesn't, just makes mine more miserable. Soooo...no guilt.

Hope your day is a little better today!

Donkey - Friday Feb 15, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 129.5

I decided to weigh in today, even though I weighed in on Wed. and Thurs., because Fridays are my "official weigh-in" days. Best to keep a consistent pattern I think.

Anyway, I am really happy to see that number under my "official goal weight", even if it's only by 0.5.

I have a long weekend Friday-Sunday, so I am using this time to relax and recharge. Of course, my Husband has to work all weekend, which means I'm doing 2x the work at home.

Progress as of today: 14.5 lbs lost so far, only -0.5 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/15/2008:
0.5 is awesome! Your goal weight on the ticker makes me laugh though... 129.499... I really hope you don't get stuck at 129.5 now! hehehe :) just kidding, congrats! You've reached your goal!

thinnsidenotout on 02/15/2008:
Misunderstood earlier and thought you had 0.5 to go....Duh!....You passed yor goal mark...SUPER!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/15/2008:
sorry your hubby has to work. i'm glad that your weight is where you like it! you are doing a GREAT job maintaining! :) I'm surprised that you get night sweats too from excess calories. I've been sweating more in the mornings, too.

kkaahh11 on 02/16/2008:
that is amazing! almost 15 pounds! congratsssss! sorry your husband has to work.

Donkey - Wednesday Feb 13, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 130.5

Sometimes I just want to say WTF. I don't get this. I eat like a sugar junkie for 2 weeks and I actually lose weight?!? What the heck is THAT all about? I was down from 132.0 this morning. (I weighed in by accident, thinking today was a weigh-in day.)

I had a great day yesterday though, eating-wise, and that's the important thing. I HATE feeling like I do when I go through my sugar binges. I don't like it; it's not healthy. I want another good day (night) tonight.

I took today off from the gym. I needed a rest day. Hopefully taking a day off won't cause my weight to skyrocket (i know it won't).

Progress as of today: 13.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/13/2008:
Congrats on the weight loss. You were either not eating as much as you thought, or maybe you spent more energy moving around. Or maybe it's (not) the time of the month, who knows! Does it matter? :) Enjoy it!

workingit2 on 02/13/2008:
Sorry I haven't been leaving messages and now I am leaving this canned message lol..thoughts are with you, keep up the fight!

MsKitty on 02/14/2008:
Happy Valentines here is a little insperation poem for you. Donkey fight the good fight for youll see it later... at this point in your diet its so easy to gain it all back.

Your Dimension Of Greatness

No one can know the potential,

Of a life that is committed to win;

With courage - the challenge it faces , To achieve great success in the end!

So, explore the Dimension of Greatness,

And believe that the world CAN be won;

By a mind that is fully committed,

KNOWING the task can be done!

Your world has no place for the skeptic,

No room for the DOUBTER to stand;

To weaken your firm resolution

That you CAN EXCEL in this land!

We must have VISION TO SEE our potential,

And FAITH TO BELIEVE that we can;

Then COURAGE TO ACT with conviction,

To become what GOD MEANT us to be!

So, possess the strength and the courage,

To conquer WHATEVER you choose;


That is destined FOREVER to lose!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/14/2008:
it may just be lack of high volume foods like fruits and veggies...you may have lost water. btw, i notice this with myself. when i eat like a sugar junkie, my weight drops after the first binge too...only to rise later. OMG, i've been having night sweats and have been sweating in the morning bc of all the extra calories, my body is working so hard to detox!

Donkey - Tuesday Feb 12, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 132.0

Just keeping myself accountable here, but I have been bingeing on sugar sweets every night within the past week, except for one night (I forget which night that was).

I don't expect to see anything good when I step on the scale soon. Maybe that will be enough to kick my butt off the sugar kick.

Progress as of today: 12 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/12/2008:
I know what you mean! Maybe having more protein and less carbs you won't have as many craves.. Good luck.

thinnsidenotout on 02/12/2008:
Hang in there!!!! Sugar is a hard one to keep in check....You can do it!

workingit2 on 02/12/2008:
OMG winter is SUCH a b****!!! I am ready for it to be OOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! Hang in there =)

Donkey - Friday Feb 08, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 132.0

I was very pleased to see another pound come off. I might have done better had I not eaten all that Irish soda bread (and then some ice cream later on that evening) on Wednesday. Well, it's hard to say. TOM is here right now, that usually throws in a glitch. Also, as a personal challenge, I've been doing more weight training this week.


Sheesh, I am so sick and tired of women saying, "Oh, I just started exercising, and I've gained 2lb. I must be putting on muscle weight." No ladies, it doesn't WORK LIKE THAT. What you're (I'm) gaining is water retention, because when you start a weight training program, the muscles tend to hold onto water as part of the process of muscle tissue breaking down and rebuilding.

So I have more than one reason why I might be retaining water. At any rate it doesn't matter. As long as the scale is doing down, that's what's important.

Wow, if AF is here now, I can't wait to see what an amazing week I'll have next week. Woo-woo! :-)

Progress as of today: 12 lbs lost so far, only 2 lbs to go!

tourguidebarbie on 02/08/2008:
Good job on another lb! That's the way to do it! 1 lb at a time! :)

thinnsidenotout on 02/08/2008:
AF has a way of making herself a tad bit unwanted during her stay, but like you said...once she's gone, you will probably weigh a bit less....Keep up the good work and have a great weekend!

biscottibody59 on 02/08/2008:
Well if you're like me it's more important to do the wt trng rather than mulling over if the gain/loss is caused by it----> ;-)

Good job--all things considered! (How about renting a flame thrower next snowstorm?)

mmuraro on 02/08/2008:
I'll take retaining water over gaining fat weight anytime! Tomorrow I start using the scale that measures body fat, water and muscle. I am excited, I think that will give me a better idea whether i am doing this right or not and if not, I'll know better on how to improve! congrats on the pound!

workingit2 on 02/09/2008:
LOL I say that ALL THE TIME re. the muscle mass thing. Everytime I see someone post that they've gained muscle mass, i always tell them it is water retention so the muscles can heal. OR when someone says that they are obviously replacing fat with muscle and a pound of muscle weighs more than a pound of fat..>NOOOOO a pound is a pound is a pound!! Anyway, I'm glad you said it LOL

Congrats on the pound off!

shadetree on 02/09/2008:
YAY on the pound! And double YAY on the pound DURING TOM! Triple YAY on weight training! Keep it up!

borntocry on 02/09/2008:
Oh shoot, I was hoping all that weight I'd gained was muscle mass. Ha ha ha.

Thanks for your advice, by the way - I think you are right on target. I practically never drink water, and the whole point of fibre is to make you feel full by binding to the water in your digestive system, so I'm probably getting no benefit from it at all by not drinking any water with it. I am going to make that my plan from now on - TO DRINK MORE WATER!!!

Thank you!!

greengirl on 02/09/2008:
I love you when you are ranting !!!! :O)

mylifechanges on 02/09/2008:
great job! You are doing a wonderful job!!! :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/09/2008:
those are good reasons for water retention. sorry about that. and thank you for telling me that i need to get a move on! It's certainly not about saying what you will do, it's actually doing it!

CritterMom on 02/12/2008:
Congrats on another pound gone.

Donkey - Thursday Feb 07, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

Just announcing that tomorrow is my weigh-in! And I feel like eating the entire house. Slipped up yesterday and ate a whole loaf of Irish soda bread from our ethnic supermarket. Oh MY but that is GOOD! Then I had 2 dishes of ice cream, later on that night. I had spent over 2 hours shoveling in the cold snow. My hunger was out of control.

I hate winter.

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 02/07/2008:
Damned winter!!!

thinnsidenotout on 02/07/2008:
Hey have to enjoy loaf (oopsie) I mean life once and a while {-;-}........ Shoveling that much snow, you have to do something to get the energy level back and you enjoyed it...WE hate winter now, but we will hate summer in a few months...

borntocry on 02/08/2008:
You mean I'm not the only one who eats whole loaves of bread?! You don't say!

You must have burned hundreds of calories shoveling snow, and in the cold, too, when your body uses up even more energy to maintain its temperature. No wonder you were so ravenous. Whereas I felt the same way yesterday and have no excuse!

You were right, by the way, I did say that I was going to update my weight but that was when I was hoping it would go down after a few days on the straight and narrow, so to speak. Instead it keeps going up, and now today I'm inevitably going to be gorging myself on bread, so there's no hope for tomorrow. But maybe this weekend...

so_devine on 02/08/2008:
well done on the weight loss. keep it up, hope your having a great day

Donkey - Wednesday Feb 06, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

For the record, I have spent over 120 minutes today shoveling snow. And I'm not done yet, because it hasn't stopped snowing all day.

Woke up at 4:30 - needed to shovel mouth of driveway because of the snow the municipal plow piled up from plowing the street (20 minutes)

Shovel #1 @ 9:30a - School canceled, hence work canceled. Had my 2 kids help me clear off the driveway which had about 5 inches of snow on it. (60 minutes)

Shovel #2 @ 2:27p - Just came in from that one. About 3-4 inches of snow on the driveway. Must clear way before Husband comes home from work or he won't be able to pull in. I don't see how he'll be able to drive on our street. The mailman came in his pick-up truck (4 wheel drive) and he almost got stuck! I expect Husband to take about an hour to get home, normally takes him 10 minutes. (40 minutes)


Shovel #3 @ 6:46p - Shoveled for only 10 minutes because Husband was already out there shoveling. I did the mouth of the driveway AGAIN, because the snow plow FINALLY came down our cul-de-sac and of course, pushed a nice wall of snow at the end of the driveway. (10 minutes)

My next door neighbor's mailbox is blocked by snow and so is ours. So my guess is that the plow will come by again -- when we are not outside glaring at him -- and clear that snow away, and promply place it at the mouth of our driveway.

So now you know what I will be doing at 5:30a tomorrow morning as I get ready to leave for work. :-(

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/06/2008:
That's a good workout! Enjoy the rest of the day in!

shadetree on 02/06/2008:
I can sympathize...we've got a ton of snow here, I needed someone to push me out of my parking space at work so I could drive the half hour home (I'm a mile and a half away from work!) This is the pits - but a good workout!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/06/2008:
sorry about the snow...you got great exercise!

thinnsidenotout on 02/06/2008:
Nothin' like mother nature handing you a workout right to your doorstep huh? Be careful....shoveling can be a back killer.....

workingit2 on 02/06/2008:
Holy smokes!! That's a lot of exercise! Don't hurt the back! Take care of yourself =)

iwant2bthin on 02/06/2008:
Wow you did get a good workout today! I pray you're resting now! :)

leeumom on 02/06/2008:
Wow, bet the kids were glad----no school! Good exercise.

crategrl on 02/06/2008:
Spring cannot come fast enought!!!

Donkey - Monday Feb 04, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 133.0

You may notice that my weight went down 0.5lb. Yes, this despite having eaten over 3000 calories yesterday. (I'm giving Horn of Plenty a run for her money!)(Yuck, it's not a fun competition. I ate so much my pancreas hurt! I couldn't inhale deeply for over 3 hours!)

This week, I have very limited time at the gym. I have a driving route that extends into my break in the morning, so my free time of 9a-1:30p is decreased to 10:30a-1:45p. I have decided that it is better to do SOMETHING at the gym rather than to give up and do nothing.

So today, instead of my usual hour on the elliptical, I only did 35 minutes. Then I used the remainder of the hour to do weight training (lower body). Maybe this "change-up" will bring some positive results. More muscle tone? Who knows? It is all I can do, and I'm trying to take a balanced approach to my workouts this week.

I have this longer driving route Monday (today) and Tuesday. Then Wednesday and Thursday I go back to more bus training, which will make my morning break (my Gym Time) more like 11:30a-1:30p. I detest this training. I have no desire to learn this new vehicle format. Nor do I like the trainer very much. Perhaps she is more like me than I care to admit. I tend not to like people who are like myself in personality. And come to think of it, she does have a similar personality. A "get down to business, be very thorough" attitude. Now if she could just STOP being so condescending about it all....

Tomorrow I am driving routes by myself. It is the first time I have ever driven on my own. I am nervous. I will get through it. Hopefully without crashing or killing anything (anyone).

Progress as of today: 11 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

mmuraro on 02/04/2008:
3 lbs to go! That has to feel good! Congrats.

thinnsidenotout on 02/04/2008:
You will be just fine.....Once you get in that drivers seat and around a few corners...It will seem like old hat.....Have a great evening!

workingit2 on 02/04/2008:
Congrats on the lost half lb! You will be fine driving on your own! Enjoy!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/05/2008:
hi there, Donkey. I didn't realize you were training to be a bus driver. That's pretty cool...I can't imagine being the operator of a school bus at all! Anyways, I know you can do it and I know how it can be stressful at the beginning. I think its about time we get in sync with our eating patterns...making them successful. And, after you pointed it out awhile back, I see how you are right that we kinda are opposites with our success! lol.

borntocry on 02/05/2008:
Oh, I know what that's like (being unable to inhale deeply from eating too much). You and HoP aren't the only ones in competition here!

So you have a "get down to business" attitude - that's cool. Maybe your trainer just hasn't noticed it yet. She's probably used to people being less thorough than her and hasn't realised that you're not like that.

Yeah, I did think that was the most awesome Superbowl ever!! Even my curmudgeonly Giants-and-Patriots-hating husband had to admit that it was up there. I was also getting really sick of all the Tom Brady adoration going over the last few days/weeks/months. And he certainly let it get to his head, didn't he? "We're only going to score 17 points?!" It seems pride came before a fall.

mmuraro on 02/05/2008:
Hey, yeah, work will keep you busy and not so free for snacking, but try to make sure you dont make poor food choices because you need to grab something quick, and that you don't stop exercising. That happened to me when I first started working when I was 18 and I completely lost track there. Yeah, it's a never ending battle! Good luck. :)

shadetree on 02/06/2008:
So did you kill anything?:) I hope your week is going good - it will all be okay once you get used to it. I promise! Just give it time! (This from the impatient one!)

amanda8419 on 02/06/2008:
i have a 2-2.5 month supply left of the pills so yeah im trying them again. it helps me get used to not stuffing my face all day lol

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