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Donkey - Monday May 20, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Home.  Exhausted.  Worried - got a text from our son who arrived at tech school saying it's hell on earth.  Did I mention exhausted?

Did fairly well with food, except for Saturday night when we went to the celebration dinner at a real Tex-Mex restaurant.  Got back on track the next day.  Working on launddry -- I feel like burning all of my clothes.  Airports are so dirty. 

I think I missed 2 days of push-ups.  Remembered, and then forgot to do them.  I want to dedicate myself to more muscle building.

Glad to be home with my cats :) 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/20/2019:
It's always nice to get back home. We always were glad to get back home so we could relax...LOL

Donkey on 05/21/2019:
It's like I need a vacation from the vacation - although this wasn't much of a vacation.

I feel like this gets harder and harder.


horn_of_plenty on 05/20/2019:
Welcome Home!!!! I know your so. Can do this !!!!! Keep cheering him on !!!welcome home !!!!!


Horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
Remember, your son isn't alone in this...lots of young men have gotten thru. try to keep him positive :) let him know he did the first step, to keep on!


horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
If i could give the best advice i can think of, he's not alone - remind him he's in this group, to stay part of the group. that it will continue and he will improve. to work hard and not give up. he has a whole career ahead of him if he sticks with it. tell him from other people's angles, not needing to always job hunt, stay with this career.

Donkey on 05/21/2019:
I will tell him this. I have more to write about this too, in my own entry, which will touch on much of what you have commented here.


horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
recommendation to you is to try to "start fresh" after 3 days...you know it's a lot of emails, take it as "part of the job requirements"...try not to stress about the inevitable. just say to yourself, this is what it comes with taking a day off. smile about your son, don't forget to take moments to breathe at work despite the emails.

Donkey on 05/21/2019:
That's kind of how I went into it today. I'm all caught up but we're just so BUSY right now.


horn_of_plenty on 05/21/2019:
try not to get yourself too upset over things you can't stop from happening - emails...and still take your breaks.



Donkey - Wednesday May 15, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Doing a re-group, getting back to what worked before. 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2019:
OK! That sounds very good to me!


horn_of_plenty on 05/15/2019:
wishing you a WONDERFUL trip ;) and congrats again to your son! please let him know he should be very proud. he got himself to this point. by working on it and not giving up! what a wonderful success for you, him and your family! so happy for you all!


Maria7 on 05/15/2019:
I've been meaning to reread some of my very old diet diaries (that I wrote in composition books) from a long time ago and see if I can at least feel slimmer from not being at my highest I was back then (205).


BearCountryGG on 05/15/2019:
Safe travels!!!


Horn_of_plenty on 05/19/2019:
Stopping by to say hi, sending you sunshine :-)



Donkey - Sunday May 12, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Yesterday was definitely a "relax" day as far as food goes.  Must have eaten too much because I woke up in the middle of the night with my metabolism revved up.  Not a hot flash, but literally feeling the heat from my body trying to burn up the extra calories.  Can of whipped cream was my downfall last night.

So today is Mother's Day -- happy Mother's Day to all the moms, whether you have kids or fur-babies, I hope you have a wonderful day.  

All I do is try to do better today, which won't be easy.  I'm being faced with sugar, carbs, and missed expectations of my husband.  Took an extra dose of CBD oil to keep  me calm, so that I can be positive.  But to be honest with you, not feeling very positive or happy today.

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/12/2019:
Happy Mothers day! Carbs are happiness food.....

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
That's a good point. I was very depressed yesterday.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.......!!!!

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
Thank you!


Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
i can relate to your hot feeling as i used to sweat all night due to overeating. that has pretty much ended due to my changes in habits.

Friday night i actually was sweating again, bc i did overeat slightly. i did wake up a little bit moist with sweat.

are you not feeling positive due to eating extra last night? try to make it a new day. you have SO MUCH to be thankful for!

PS - i forgot to mention i hadn't realized your trip is coming so soon! SO EXCITING for your son's graduation. remember, set a good example for him - and something MY OWN PARENTS didn't ever do, remind him to keep trying, to not give up, and he'll have a long career in this field. that's a good opportunity indeed. it will NOT be all easy. then everyone would have taken that path.

some things in life harden us, we learn from them, to do better and be better. same with the diet and exercise. maybe now i'll get off the couch and do my own upper body and abs...i just motivated myself with this last paragraph.

Donkey on 05/13/2019:
To my knowledge, it wasn't the eating on Saturday that had me so down on Sunday... I think it was more of an overall discouragement.

Funny you mention about setting a good example if not giving up, because yesterday, I seriously felt like giving up.

I guess I feel a little better today, not sure.


Maria7 on 05/13/2019:
Hoping you are having a good day.


horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
It is very hard to change your viewing lens into automatically thinking the world is all roses, indeed. I am not trying to be rude!! i'm just reminding you AND I...i see it more clearly now. some people so happy in the same situations where others would be miserable. just for a different lens.

for this year, i have my own goal to try NOT to worry about where i'll be working or if i lose a job...i simply am going to let those thoughts go..so i can concentrate on training / cardio.

i'm going to not leave work late...i'm going to have to say no to more people / events / in order to get what i want.


horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
ah my point....your happiness is what you want it to be. don't get sucked into the negative storm.

my recommendation, solely for you, is more sleep if you feel upset. i seriously think that not sleeping enough will do this to you. i could be wrong, but that's what happens to me, solely the reason, aside from any usually WORK stressors.

i usually let things go easier, fights with people or family or bad situations of work, if i'm overall feeling good.


horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
if you are starting to feel very down, stop doing the keto as much, is my advice. and include small amounts of carbs at every meal.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2019:
i got so many emails that you commented on my diary, but didn't see any comments from you!? you and others!? i didn't see any comments today, but got tons of notifications that you and others commented on my diary?!



Donkey - Saturday May 11, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Gained a pound, but still within the maintenance "back and forth".  Next weekend, I won't be weighing in because we'll be in Texas to see my son graduate.  I am giving serious contemplation and prayer as to whether to resume weekly weigh-ins when I get back.  This might be the time to break away from this.

I belong to a Facebook group for older folks into bodybuilding & fitness.  A woman a little older than I posted a similar struggle with the scale, and this really spoke to me. She had lost 35 pounds and now is working on building muscle.  But the conflict between the muscle gains and the numbers on the scale was discouraging her.  I could have written that post! 

I pretty much struggle between wanting to lose another 20 pounds, trying to be happy with where I'm at & comfortable in my own skin, and then wanting to eat everything in the house. (Warning to all jars of nut butters in my house - you're on my list!)  Add to that the fantasy of wanting a lean body, with defined muscles.  It's crazy!


Miscellaneous thoughts:

  • Spending time with my husband today, running casual errands.  One of them is Mother's Day related, which has me worried, LOL, but that's OK.
  • Starting to pack for our trip.  We leave Wednesday and return late Sunday.  I have taken Monday off from work to recoop, but if I can, I'll try to go into the office in the afternoon to get the files straightened up, before I'm back 100% on Tuesday.  Why do I do this to myself?  Well, we'll see how it goes. 
  • Really need to relax and rest this weekend.  
  • Debating as to whether or not I should try to use the gym at the hotel in Texas.  Might be a good time to try out different equipment for inspiration.
  • Learned valuable lessons about myself at work on Friday, from Thursday's bad day:
  1.      I tend to get too focused on one goal, without seeing alternatives. 
  2.      I get upset and carry the weight of that "upset" with me for way too long. 
  3.      Having a hard time of "letting go", especially with negative feelings.

 

 

 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/11/2019:
Letting go of negative feelings is quite common I think....but unfortunately in the end we are only making ourselves suffer. I try to remember that at that time I did what I thought was right...it may have turned out to be not really the best thing...but I thought it was then. Probably the only good thing that can come out of that kind of upset is that we most likely won't repeat it....and so it is time to let go, lesson learned...there is nothing to be gained by continually reliving it.....if it is something about someone else then we are only hurting ourselves and that other person really has no clue and is possibly even unaware how much we suffer over it....in that case we need to stop the suffering and try to learn something from it.....people make bad decisions, they make mistakes,...they are learning opportunities....let it go.


Horn_of_plenty on 05/12/2019:
I'm going to remind you that you've come very far this time. There are always negative thoughts and temptations not to care about yourself. but you DO know how to care about yourself, you want to, and you've done so much trials and work to get yourself to this point. Praise yourself for that!

Also,you have to consider what is actually possible and what is a dream. ME TOO. you must remind yourself, that to get to where you are now,you did things, made choices, and stayed consistent.

there's someone i follow also on facebook, in the group Fit and Single called Chelsea ...i forget her last name right now. she's tad younger than me,maybe like 5-6 years younger right around 30yrs old. she boasts that she doesn't need much sleep that as a teacher, she works out both before and after school and she enters bikini figure competitions. she looks great. but i know that I AM NOT HER - and i could never live that kind of structured routine without rest even - she says she doesn't think sleep is so necessary to need like 8 hours a night, no way she says. i wonder if she'll last.

Your three points above about work are spot on. if you look at most of the successful workers /leaders, they DO NOT let things bother them forever - it's a waste of your energies to keep yourself feeling negative.

everyone DOES make mistakes. the point is not to repeat an already made mistake and to learn from it as much as possible for the next time....

my sister is very different from me. it's almost comical how much so.

she does what she wants, when she wants - even more than i do. yesterday for mother's day she went for a walk- bc it's healthy to do for the baby in the stroller ;) ....

i had luckily already ran a 5k earlier, so i helped me mom in the kitchen for our early mother's day...as my sister went out with the baby and her husband...nobody tells my sister that she can't. and now she uses the baby excuse for everything ;)

my point? do for yourself. stay positive. that's what a lot of other people are doing...and yes, let me take my own advice. try to see the things, as you stated, from another lens....



Donkey - Thursday May 09, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Not a good day... that seems to be a common theme here for today,  May 9th.

I could tell pretty much early on that today would be challenging.   A very hungry day for pretty much most of the day.  In fact,  I have forced myself to stay in my room for the rest of the night,  otherwise I would eat everything in sight downstairs. And I've done enough damage today and tonight.

Very tired,  doing push-ups,  going to bed. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/09/2019:
Tough day here too....tomorrow is another day!

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
Amen to that - you'd think that would get me into bed and asleep sooner than it actually does.


Maria7 on 05/10/2019:
Just know...you are not alone.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
Thank you! (((hugs)))


legcramps on 05/10/2019:
Please don't beat yourself up! I hope you get some well-deserved rest, my friend.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
I learned a really good lesson from this bad day. So maybe it was worth it. I do know I've got to get some rest, though.


horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2019:
you aren't alone. just remember your hard work, don't give up and start the crazy bingeing again and gain like 10lbs. it's not worth having to regain it again! you have lost it for a LONG Time and it's NOT worth it to regain.

i will remind you of what i do when i'm always hungry....eat really big servings of cooked veggies along iwth my meal, stuffing myself when i am in that horrible, hungry mindset.

Donkey on 05/11/2019:
That is a helpful tip with the vegetables! You're right, this is not a total set-back, no binge-eating or secret eating, so in that way, this was not a FAIL. Just difficult, but that's life.



Donkey - Wednesday May 08, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Last night,  I had keto lemon cake for dessert,  kind of to finish it up,  but also because it's delicious.  I ate what was probably 2 servings,  or possibly 3 small servings,  and now I am experiencing bloating and inflammation.  So I think I'm done with keto desserts for a while.  I have 2 more slices of keto bread loaf (not sweet) that I want to finish up,  and then I'm done with that for a while.  I will have these slices for breakfast today and tomorrow. 

Title company party tonight.  I can do this.   Looking forward to grabbing my husband with me,  to show him this part of work.  Male Coworker is being dragged to this,  so I'm sure he'll eat beforehand (because he's doing keto) and come late.  I, on the other hand,  am going to try to make good choices and eat there. 

The eating part of this journey never seems to get easier. ..


EVENING EDIT:  I ate well at the party, kept it pretty much keto. Had fun with my husband.  Left after about an hour.  Sometimes these things are conducive to networking, but this wasn't one of them, which is A-OK with me.

Came home, rode my bike, chilled out with Facebook, gonna do my push-ups and get ready for bed.

Thinking about adding squats and planks to the rotation, but not sure if it should be a rotation or an all-in-one daily thing.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2019:
i MUST do more cooking on weekend. i DON'T even have to shop - got a lot last weekend that is still fresh for the cooking! :) thanks for a reminder to cook a little bit, even if it's Friday night!

enjoy bringing your hubby to the dinner. i'm glad you are going and can bring your man! there should be enough food choices, i agree, to not have to eat before or after or come late. better to stick with it, as you are.

the eating part of the journey may not get easier, but instead of thinking that way, it's your journey. there will always be eating choices, challenges and changes. you can accept them - they will always be there is exactly right. try to keep that in mind, that you'll be making food choices always.

i have stopped planks to save time, but, they are considered extremely valuable and work many body parts, similar to pushups.

squats are just great. i do THREE varieties of squats in my workouts. i have gotten better. they help a TON with butt muscles, at least for me. they don't seem to help with "leaning out," but more with giving a sexy shape.


legcramps on 05/09/2019:
Glad you had fun at the party!

I love squats!



Donkey - Tuesday May 07, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Survived the stress!   So glad.  Now we can focus on 2 things:  selling  my daughter's used car and traveling to Texas to see our son graduate from boot camp. 

Work was not so busy.  Quite surprising after a weekend of beautiful weekend. Perhaps the contracts will come in today.   Title company party on Wednesday night.  Asked if I could bring my husband ---sure ! So that takes care of dinner for Wednesday.  Hope there's low carb options...

Got a nice walk for lunch,  but rainy weather all this week might make this more difficult as we move forward. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
lately there have been shows on tv and broadcasts that are saying that the CBD drops may indeed be more psychological than offer actual help. i didn't want to tell you this, and i did buy them to try starting tonight, but i had to pass on this info.

Donkey on 05/08/2019:
I agree, but the thing that makes me think that they work is that I never notice anything until I realize I've skipped. I ask, Why am I so edgy? And it's only then that I remember the drops. Meh who knows?


horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
that is soooooooo sooooo awesome! i'm so happy for you and your son!!!!!! amazing!

i think there IS alwqays low carb options, even taking meat out of a sandwich, etc. you can always have tea back at home later with fruit or a decaf coffee when home if you want it ;) enjoy not prepping a meal!

Donkey on 05/08/2019:
I can do this!



Donkey - Sunday May 05, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Managed stress well yesterday.  Got a lot done as far as decluttering, for the cleaning lady on Monday.  I hope to get more clearing done today, so that I don't have to do anything last minute on Monday, as Monday morning will be rushed and stressful as well.  I just can't win this stress battle....

Have to get through lunch with my mother in law, her brother, his wife (who is very judgmental, but talks a lot so at least I won't have to do much of that), my husband, and my daughter.  Food and cake.... *sigh*  I'm not sure you have any idea how hard this is.

Then decluttering, cleaning... I hope to get a walk in today, maybe with my daughter - that would be so nice. 

Monday morning, at 8am, I have an appointment in another town, about 30 minutes away, to discuss health insurance options.  After getting flooded with that information, I have to rush home and finish getting ready for work, rush to work, dive into a cesspool of stress over there.... but hopefully come home to a cleaner house. 

Well, my mother in law just decided to make this all more stressful by asking us to stop at Walmart before we pick her up to get her a dozen cookies for a meeting she has tomorrow.  Great. 

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
One question first: how do i know which CBD oil to buy????i really want to get in on this, as it's sold to relieve things that i am in need of paying attention to (stress, anxiety, inflammation)...which one do you use and how do you know it is "genuine" and works?

Donkey on 05/07/2019:
You want to be sure you get a type that is safe to eat. There are many CBD products that are topical only -- and they work too, but you can't eat them.

Here, many vape shops sell CBD drops, which is the way I probably should have gone. Instead, I did a Google, gave my husband a list of 4, and he ordered. This was originally supposed to be for his pain, but he didn't stick with it.

I have a lower concentration, 300mg I think, and use 5 out of the 8 drops per recommended serving. It might be psychological, but I swear that I can really tell when I don't take the drops.

PS also helpful to take a night for sleeping.


BearCountryGG on 05/05/2019:
Are your shoulders up around your ears???? That is major stress......!


BearCountryGG on 05/05/2019:
If the things are not life threatening to anyone then maybe they don't deserve to cause that much stress.

Donkey on 05/07/2019:
THAT is solid advice. Thank you!


Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
I agree with BCGG's second comment very much ;)


Horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2019:
yesterday i didn't go out for lunch. i don't regret it, but, it's at least a half mile of walking not done and not healthy. today i'll make up and go out!



Donkey - Saturday May 04, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.5

Glad to see the scale move down, even if I'm in maintenance mode.

Wow, yesterday the anxiety was just incredible as I was walking into the office. I realized what it was:  I forgot to take the CBD drops that I usually take to start my day.  Maybe it's psychological, but I find that on days that I take the drops, I walk into the office fine.  When I forget, I walk into the office feeling edgy.  So in spite of feeling edgy in the morning, I think I got through it pretty good.  Male Co-Worker and I have been discussing the stressful workload, as I mentioned earlier this week.  Even though he's doing the keto diet and trying to lose weight, his big struggle is with his high blood pressure - we're in a world dominated by numbers, aren't we? So that's what he's been focusing on trying to control this week.  He says he just has to walk away, let it go, take one step at a time.  So I've been trying to apply that mindset to my own work as well:  one file at a time, one phone call at a time...  

Too much of my life is being consumed with stress.  

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/04/2019:
WEll...you can only do one file at a time so that is a great way to look at it. Unfortunately stress doesn't help...yet we all still do it.......life is so fast paced now....I listened to a guy the other day that said while we have automatic washers and dryers now...we work more at laundry and it doesn't make sense...but...in the day of wringer washers....we wore clothes more times before putting them in the wash...so the automation just made us more work.....we are doing it to ourselves...and it is sad.....just remember to breathe..and think about how little importance it will all be a year from now....


Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
everyone does know that taking breaks is good for you at the office ;) otherwise, things just start to get muddy in your brain !..


Horn_of_plenty on 05/05/2019:
lol i wish weight did this "what goes up must come down" ...why can't weight be like gravity right!?

i'm also waiting for my weight to come down. i gained around 3lb over the winter.

i could be so wrong,but at a first glance i am thinking keto and blood pressure may be a hard thing to mix because i'm thinking that the meats and everything can contribute to high blood pressure, but someone would have to actually google this to see if my hypothesis is true..



Donkey - Friday May 03, 2019
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Aside from the stress at work,  keeping me inactive,  keeping ne at work waaaaay too long every day,  I've been doing much better with food these past 2 or 3 days.  I seem to have a handle on the evening anxiety... or at least I've been strong enough to avert disaster as a result of feeling anxious. 

Still keeping up with the push-ups, bike riding too...  lunch time walking has disappeared,  due to rainy weather and too much work to do!  This is bad!  This is wrong!  I deserve a lunch break!  But if I take one,  I come back to a windfall of emails and phone messages!  

Tonight is chair yoga and date night.  I'd like to relax this weekend but it will be very stressful with picking up the house for the cleaning lady on Monday  and then lunch with in-laws at a restaurant with birthday cake...  very stressful. 

Progress as of today: 51 lbs lost so far, only -1 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 05/03/2019:
I vote that you do take that lunch break...then you will be ready to get back to work when it's over....breaks are needed.


BearCountryGG on 05/03/2019:
I remember when i was working in a drug store once that I didn't want to take my breaks...and another employee told me that I needed to take my break because I was messing it up for other employees...so I started taking them....it made sense.

Donkey on 05/04/2019:
Really GOOD point -- I MUST remember this!


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2019:
i will comment more, but, it's up to YOU to choose your limits and nobody is going to do it for you - make sure to take your breaks. i am sure the others are doing so! take care of yourself and set limits.

Donkey on 05/04/2019:
YES -- and the ironic thing is that taking breaks makes me work better, because I can clear my mind and refocus when I come back.


horn_of_plenty on 05/03/2019:
you can relieve some of the work stress by taking your breaks. perhaps if you respond to some emails the next morning it will be ok?

Donkey on 05/04/2019:
The emails would just keep surmounting... It's a never-ending battle.

I'm dreading the mess I'll come back to after we return from Texas (for my son's graduation from boot camp!).



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