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Donkey - Tuesday Jan 23, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Today was the Big Good-Bye... to my son.  I know he'll have a tough 6 weeks ahead of him.  The house seems so empty without him...

So YES, I did take care of myself today, and did not go into work, even though I could have gone in for half a day.  Instead, I let myself just relax and settle into the quietness of the day.  My husband took a long nap; my daughter had to work.  So I watched TV, did some crosswords, rode my stationary bike...

Last night, I did resist the leftover chocolate cake and Oreo ice cream we had from Sunday's dinner, but I did not do so well with dinner itself, eating too much spaghetti with meat sauce.  I curbed my desire for dessert with a cup of decaf coffee with flavored creamer.

A couple of folks here have talked about looking forward to gummy vitamin supplements as a "treat" -- oh my goodness, I thought I was the only one!!!  In the morning, after I exercise, I have 2 gummies for hair/skin/nails.  At night, I take 2  fruit-flavored Tums (for calcium) and 2 melatonin gummies.  Sometimes I REALLY look forward to these "treats".   I also take glucosamine tablets, one in the morning and one at night, but those are swallowed whole, so that's not a treat.  I thought the glucosamine would help with my knee/back/hips, but I can't say that I've noticed much improvement or change.

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/24/2018:
Have you tried turmeric capsules for the joint pain....that is really helping us. They are't any fun...but less pain is a lot of fun...LOL

Donkey on 01/24/2018:
I will keep that in mind. Thanks!

horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2018:
if possible, try to keep in touch with your son and tell him to stay mentally strong...to not give up on the 6 week training...i can't even imagine doing it now....my cardio i aim to improve starting NOW...even if just once a week, i'm walking on weekends and keeping in mind i need to start now, not later, even if now isn't multiple times a week....

anyways, i'm sure his training will be very tough, he must keep his head up especially at beginning where it's more a mental game.

Donkey on 01/24/2018:
I have a mailing address for him now, so I will be writing him letters on a regular basis. I was thinking of him this morning, as I struggled to get out of bed to workout. I thought of him at lunchtime when I was taking my walk. If he can do it, so can I.

Maria7 on 01/24/2018:
Good you got some rest.

Donkey on 01/24/2018:
Yes, good sleep is so important for me. Taking the melatonin helps me fall asleep easily. Maybe it's all mental :-)

Donkey - Monday Jan 22, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Very hard...

Overindulged with a good-bye dinner on Saturday at the restaurant.  Had a mint fudge sundae for dessert, too.  Then last night, made a cake and had ice cream, too.

Now I find out that we're going out to breakfast before we take our son to the recruiter's office... which I agree with, so that we're not worrying about lunch during all of this.

I've got some things going on hormonally -- cycle is way off, skin is breaking out. Probably stress...  Just have to get through this day, this week... 

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2018:
lady, you must find it hard to part with your son. this will pass and when he is at training, make sure to take the steps to get back on track...this is why.

i'm sure you are very stressed about your son leaving for training. remember you need to take care of YOU....i think what might have been doing on is your wanting to take good care of your son and you stopped thinking about you...also, if you are indulging in cakes, maybe next time do not make cake? unless your family really wants it...lol...

Donkey on 01/22/2018:
Oh I wanted him to know how much we celebrate him in our lives.... Trying to stay away from the desserts tonight.

horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2018:
or have one slice and throw the rest of the cake away that nobody eats right away....or give cake away at work...the rest of it.

Donkey on 01/23/2018:
We might end up throwing away the rest of the cake...

bearcountrygg on 01/22/2018:
I feel so bad for you, as parents...we raise our kids to someday be adults...and when it happens it shocks us...somehow we feel that maybe we aren't done raising them yet...BUT...He thinks you did a terrific job!!! Thinking of you...I've been there...and we all survived.

Donkey on 01/23/2018:
I'm wondering why my friends who have dropped off their kids to college didn't warn me how hard it is :-)

horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2018:
I really agree with bcgg

horn_of_plenty on 01/23/2018:
Yeah throw it out - it's not gonna benefit you now

Donkey - Saturday Jan 20, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

I seem to be stuck at this number...

This is the last weekend with our son before he leaves for boot camp.  Monday is the day we take him.  Tuesday he departs.

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 01/20/2018:

Maria7 on 01/21/2018:
Hope you are having a good day.

bearcountrygg on 01/22/2018:
Hugs......but he is doing what he wants to do....and you can be happy for him even though you hate to have him go so far.

horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2018:
gooooood luck to your son, this is exciting times. tell him to stay positive and focused! tell him to push through and to know it's hard but to keep on!

maybe once your son is gone you can go lower. how tall are you?

Donkey - Sunday Jan 14, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Had a lot planned to do this weekend, as far as working around the house, and it seems as though mopping  up the floor is just now too much for my back to handle.  So I spent about 30 minutes icing my back and now will rest for the remainder of the day.

I had the planned the following:

  1. Clean all 4 toilets in the house.
  2. Mop basement floor
  3. Sort through and dispose of leftover latex paint -- according to environmental guidelines 

This is what actually happened:

  1. Toilets did not get done at all.
  2. Finished.
  3. Incomplete:  TOTALLY OVERWHELMING.  There are an unanticipated total of 30 -- THIRTY -- cans of paint that have to be dealt with!!!  7 of them are practically empty so I can deal with them. 16 have too much paint in them to dry up quickly, so I'm trying to see if the drama department at the high school wants them.  Otherwise, the fuller cans, I will see if I can give away online and the others I will have to dry out the paint.  5 cans I'm keeping for the next owners.  2 are undecided.

Oh I just realized there is ONE MORE can of paint in the basement that didn't get brought up.  THIRTY-ONE CANS OF FREAKING PAINT!!!!

This is making me feel very anxious...

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/14/2018:
Do you have a cat? I think you can dump kitty litter or even sand or sawdust in them...I think that is what we did....or...I believe Michigan has sites or maybe it is counties..have sites that take paint ( possibly 2 times a year) and they use it in county offices..you can probably call your county about that....we had about the same amount of cans to get rid of...we did leave a couple that we had used recently for the buyer....this house interior is 100% pine boards..wall, ceilings etc...so no more painting for us...hope you can get rid of it all!

Maria7 on 01/15/2018:
Hope you feel better.

horn_of_plenty on 01/15/2018:
Oh.....the hamster was left in my apt bc I was literally back and forth with my dad everyday so I just gave it extra food at first bc I didn't know how long I'd be away and the water gets changed only 1x per week

horn_of_plenty on 01/15/2018:
Backaches are like the #1 pain producer for folks- your back pain may also be telling you to relax as you are :)

My dad was complaining his back hurt this weekend - but was still exercising - his pain mustn't have been very minimal.

horn_of_plenty on 01/15/2018:
I mean his pain must have !!!! iPhone typos

Maria7 on 01/19/2018:
Hope you have a good day.

Donkey - Saturday Jan 13, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Weight did not budge this week. 

 I wanted to post from work yesterday that "B*tchy co-workers make me want to eat less" but I couldn't remember my password to this site, since I'd have to log in from my phone.  Doesn't matter -- I ended up eating most of my snacks anyway.  Got into it with my 2 co-workers again.  The Impossible One (lady) started on me, and the guy sitting next to her was like, "Well, since you don't want to help..." to me.  I said, It's not that I don't want to help, I just don't want to get yelled at.  So now, no more helping, since it will only get me yelled at.

My dear husband, though:  I texted him on my phone about what happened and he was so supportive.  Now that he is no longer working, he doesn't have his own work-drama to stew about and can be there for me.     I didn't dwell on it though; I told him that I'm just going to focus on my own well-being and happiness with my family.  Instantly made me feel so much better.  This was a "must add" to my Gratitude Diary (New Year's Resolution #3).

Speaking of New Year's resolutions, I would like to add that for Resolution #1, that includes, not only wearing more black, but navy and gray will qualify under this category as well.  This is working very well for me. 

There's been some discussion about "sneaky eating" and I realized that it is THIS that has me so bothered about last weekend's indulgence while watching the movie:  Hiding the wrappers!  It was hiding the empty Chex Mix bag and the empty marshmallow bag that freaked me out.  So even though it was planned eating, controlled, etc., the thoughts and behaviors around the eating is what has me so bothered.  My husband was in the room, on the computer with his headset on.  I guess I was hiding my eating from him.  Painful memories of past behaviors/problems. 

Anyway, I have another chance, because my daughter told me that she wants to watch the movie with me - which is fine by me. I love Fred Astaire's dancing!  I can re-do the memory and establish positive thoughts and feelings, rather than the ones I've been carrying around with me since last Friday.  And so for today, I am grateful for second chances.

 EVENING UPDATE:  Daughter bailed on me for a sleepover, LOL -- which is perfectly understandable and OK with me.  Not that I won't miss spending time with her, but I completely get it. 

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/13/2018:
Sneaky eating is weird...it is US...projecting someone else's opinion on what we eat....they may not even care....but we are feeling guilty because we feel like we shouldn't have had it...and we don't want anyone else to find out...you would think that we had committed a crime or something.........I think that hiding proof of eating is even a problem with people that aren't watching their weight, D said that when he had guy friends up to hunt ( I was taking care of my parents then 4 hours away)...they would all sit down and eat meals and no one seemed to be concerned about quantities or types of food......but if they wanted a snack between meals they all would either grab something sneakily and go eat it outside or as they stood by a window....and I have seen D stand by a window looking out eating something that is not good for his diabetes......so apparently the guilt mainly comes from eating someone else's food or eating something that they feel judged for. I had found a plate of bread broken in pieces in a foster daughters closet when she was 10...she was already concerned with her little girl thighs. She was horrified that I had found it. I can say that I never hid wrappers until after D mentioned that I was getting a tummy....then it was closet eating for ever after that and the odd thing is that we will be judged for everything our whole lives and the only real opinion that is important is our own...and we are doing ourselves more damage in more ways than one by hiding eating....maybe we should just PROUDLY put those wrappers where everyone can see them....LOL....but then everyone would want some too....LOL...and less for us...maybe greed is the 3rd reason...maybe we just don't want to share!!!!

horn_of_plenty on 01/14/2018:
I saw you wrote to I think graind about being colder this winter bc you are thinner - yeah I am sure that is the case - just dress Warmly jdonk with scarves around your neck and layers ! Stay strong ! At work when I return I may have to make sure I at least stand up every half hour.

horn_of_plenty on 01/14/2018:
Keep up your positivity :-) you are doing a good job and your entry here overall is very positive ! Please don't ever let the nasty coworkers get to you! It seems in life that the big mouths tend to get what they want over the nice folks but don't let it be your case! Actually you said you aren't letting it happen this time - gooooood!

With the hiding of food - remember how far you've come and everything you've learned in this process of years of weight loss ! You are better now and learned so much ! Me too!

You have a lot more knowledge now - the negative memories may linger but be happy you are no longer in that place !!!! I sure am so happy I am not in the lowest of places either when I was at my highest- almost 25 lbs larger and that's a lot of weight to gain in only 2 years which is what i did both times I gained weight itbwas fast without any thought - sorry if too much info please tell me ?

We are beyond these points now - we know what to do to be more moderate and make it work out ..... your memories are there but will lesson as time goes by - I had forgotten lots till thinking about lunch own self just now

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 10, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Had a lovely lunchtime walk today - and tomorrow will be even warmer!  (Then the cold and snow comes back...)  I walked the whole lunch hour and then ate at my desk. 

Tried coffee flavored Kombucha today... I think I could get acquired to other flavors, but not the coffee flavor.  Too bitter, but I'm so glad I got the chance to try it for free!  

I really enjoy wearing more black at the office.  Cuts way down on my decision-making process in the morning. 

Spent most of my day listing to sitar music at my desk. I never realized how relaxing listening to the sitar is for me.

My husband had a lot of medical tests today.  His workplace knows now that he's not coming back to work.  I often feel that I'm a by-stander in my own life, just watching the changes rolling by and I'm quite helpless to interfere.

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 01/10/2018:

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 09, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

I know that some of you have been having sleepy days lately, but I don't know what happend to me today:  woke up sooner than expected and had tons of energy (once I got out of bed).  I was able to finish my workout early, so I ran for a mile on the treadmill.  Adding a mile is something that I wanted to do as a 2018 goal, but then reconsidered, as it might not be something that's required EVERY day.

I am working on graduating from a protein shake breakfast to eating real food.  So I have substituted the 12 ounces of almond milk and scoop of protein, with 1/2 cup of oatmeal (not instant), 1/4 cup of walnuts, and 8 ounces of same almond milk.  Seems to be working for a weekday breakfast.  Weekends are different.

My lunchtime walk was wonderful!  Not only is Chicagoland getting a little warmer (feels like early Spring!), but I found a new street to walk down with lovely houses to look at and admire - like an entire new neighborhood to check out!

Later in the afternoon, one of our notoriously toxic clients came in, and I was so happy that all I had to do was greet her and ask her to have a seat.  After that, my other 2 co-workers got stuck dealing with her, and I got to leave -- on time!  I think I was smiling on my way out the door!  That is when I realized what effect toxic people have on my well-being. 

I get that we all have our quirks, every one of us is carrying his/her own burdens, etc.  And I'm not sure that  my workplace is any worse than other workplaces -- in fact, I'm pretty thankful for what it is, because it could be much worse.  And I thought about our toxic client: she's not mean or nasty, but she just saps all of the happiness and energy out of me with all of her personal drama that really has nothing to do with her real estate transaction.  Thank goodness she came in at the end of the day so that her visit didn't infect my mood for the rest of the day.  Thank goodness I'm not related to her -- see, again, could be worse!

And on my way home, I visualized a wall switch, and turned my workday "OFF".

No WONDER I gained weight working at this place.  I used to eat chips and chocolate to self-medicate through this cr*p.  I have to learn not to take such matters to heart, I think. 

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

Donkey - Sunday Jan 07, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

"Hold onto Kindness" --- a story shared on Facebook.  Going to add this as a daily mantra. 

I  am going to write about last night.  Saturdays are usually my "relax" day to keep me sane, food-wise.  So if I'm going to indulge, it's usually on a Saturday.  Last night though... I was watching a movie downstairs (Holiday Inn with Bing Crosby and Fred Astaire), and I don't know what came over me.  Almost felt like binge-eating, but I did think this out beforehand.  I wanted to finish the bag of Chex Mix -  probably 1 cup, possibly 1.5 cups, but then I graduated onto finishing up the bag of giant marshmallows in the pantry (had 3 -- I almost thought there were 4 but was happy that there were only 3 as that is what I had anticipated eating).  I had been longing for those marshmallows for QUITE time...

Then I was full.

No kidding - that was like an additional 600 calories!  

Woke up late this morning, still full -- Sundays are becoming my day to sleep in, since the Today Show is usually a re-cap of the week, and the other news shows don't start until 9am here.  So I got some added (and needed) rest, got up, exercised while watching the TV, and then had a lsmall, light breakfast.  But now I feel lunch gnawing at me....

But back to last night's eating... I'm not sure why this is bothering me so much.  My eating was intentional; I saved these delights for Saturday, so this was planned.  And overall I do like to have a higher calorie day in there, to keep my metabolism guessing. And I do allow myself to indulge on Saturdays -- although I don't always.

Maybe that's what's bothering me?  Maybe it feels counter-intuitive to eat more on a bad weigh-in day?  Or maybe I'm just being too hard on myself. "Hold onto Kindness" has to begin with myself.

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/07/2018:
Be kind to yourself...it is so easy to get caught up in should and should nots.....As my WW leader said many many years ago....NEVER should yourself!...she was a sweetie and is one of my most memorable and favorite people. This isn't a dress rehearsal...this is it...this is life...and life is supposed to be lived....marshmallows and Chex mix are meant to be eaten.....it's OKAY to live...and enjoy life.....I hope you enjoyed your treat because treats are supposed to be enjoyed.

Maria7 on 01/07/2018:
About like me when I had 2 nites of popcorn binges a while back...I felt discouraged for giving in to that but, like you say, sometimes it may help to boost your metaolism to eat a little more occassionally, so let it go and move on, as they say. You have been doing FANTASTIC! Smile!

Donkey on 01/09/2018:
Oo, I had forgotten about your popcorn days. I guess we all have our ups and downs.

graindart on 01/07/2018:
If the worst you did was a pre-thought-out and measured amount of Chex Mix and 3 marshmallows, I'd consider that a major victory.

What would've happened to me: I would've started with the Chex Mix, with the intention of following up with the marshmallows and quitting afterwards. Then I would've thought, hey why not also eat 1 graham cracker and a small piece of chocolate with one of the marshmallows (smore). After the first one, I would've decided to do the same thing on the 2nd marshmallow and then the 3rd. By that time I would've decided that I might as well just turn this one day into a full-on cheat day. Would've hopped in the car and headed for the grocery store or nearest convenience store. Last year, Chex Mix and 3 marshmallows easily could've turned into a 1000+ calorie leap off the wagon for me.

Donkey on 01/09/2018:
It did cross my mind that I was on the way to slipping down that slope... But then I realized I was full and I hadn't had any other indulgences planned. So that's where it ended.

horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2018:
I used to do a TON of self sabotage with bad weigh ins and then overindulging making it worse. Just keep on j donk! I now don't weigh much and usually it's when I am feeling thinner and whenever thing dad's To be getting tighter I may off the scalene a d try to cut back a little bit.

Yes good job on only 600 cal ! That's far from a disaster. I have also learned a lot these couple years now and try also to prevent the worst and just moderately indulge instead! We are way better off this way!

Also commented below ;)

Maria7 on 01/09/2018:
Hope you are having a good day.

Donkey - Saturday Jan 06, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

I would be lying to you if I didn't say that I wasn't just a *little* disappointed with this week's weigh-in.  Up half a pound.  I kept trying to visualize 124.5, LOL...  I did eat more this week, and had a very salty day on Thursday, so I'm not entirely surprised.  Logically I know that this is just a normal fluctuation and basically the same weight as last week.  Also... When I stepped on the scale the first time this morning, I got an "error" message.  I might have just stepped on too soon, but hopefully this DOESN'T mean that my scale is starting to die.  I hope not!

It's just more motivation to do better this week.

I did really well with exercise.  Took longer walks during my lunches at work.  The Awful One doesn't even ask if I'm eating lunch in the conference room any more -- If I had to guess, I would say that this is her attempt to isolate me, as she needs an office scapegoat, and now that's me.  Our receptionist has asked me a couple of times if I'm eating lunch.  I smile sweetly and say, "No thanks, I'm going for a walk."  It was not easy walking in the bitter cold and snow, but I figured it would be a better workout.  Then I would eat lunch at my desk while I worked in the afternoon. 

Which makes this week's weigh-in suck even more.  All that hard work during the week for what...

But I realize that I need to heed Horn's advice to keep my thoughts and actions in a positive perspective.  It is counter-productive to walk or eat alone if it's done out of spite.  My walking or eating alone doesn't really hurt my co-workers, and if I'm doing this with a negative intent, it serves no purpose other than to foster that negativity, which then infects my whole mindset and attitude.  This week, I'm going to focus on positive affirmations when I walk or if I end up eating alone.  (I think the weather SHOULD cooperate with lunchtime walking.)  I will walk with positive intentions!


Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/06/2018:
Sounds like a plan.......and.....Kill em with kindness...they will begin to wonder why the Awful one is such a jerk. Karma is always at work, what goes round comes round. You just do what makes you the most content.

Donkey on 01/06/2018:
I think "Kill 'em with kindness" will be a good mantra this upcoming workweek, as I use it to focus on positive things for myself.

Maria7 on 01/06/2018:
Could be muscle weight, higher sodium food, or just the scale needs a new battery why you didn't see a decrease...(and I personally think STRESS plays a part)...Just hang in there and think back to where you once was weightwise and how happy you are for the progress your've attained thus far.

Donkey on 01/06/2018:
That's a good point about the stress... I hadn't considered that, but looking back, that would certainly be applicable.

Maria7 on 01/07/2018:
Hope you are having a nice day and feeling much better today.

Donkey on 01/09/2018:
Every day is a new blessing. At least that's how it starts out until I get to work... Then usually by 10am the feeling kind of wears off... Especially if someone toxic gets involved, whether that be co-worker or client.

horn_of_plenty on 01/08/2018:
Keep doing your thing! Loving your lunch walks - perfect since after work I am sure you want to stay home once you get home. It's been a challenge for me to get to the gym and still a challenge to keep the routine so I applaud you and love your lunchtime walks. Yes eat at your desk. Pay them no mind. -it's better than losing a job so just follow your own personal plan and let these office jerks try to bother you. They have an in - you know that - so let it go...meaning yes write it here but realize they somehow have been given that rare opportunity to be office bullies.

Donkey on 01/09/2018:
I will be following my own personal plan. I have to realize that I can't have it both ways: be apart and yet be included, but I'd rather be safe than burned.

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 03, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 127.5

Hello Friends,

I am here tonight to dump my frustrations with work.  I just thought of the perfect word to describe my workplace:  TOXIC.

I resent getting dumped on in work - either by co-workers playing petty office politics, other attorneys, lenders, clients -- and then I come home, filled with all of these really negative feelings.  I do not want to come home and dump my negative feelings out on my family members, but this toxicity is so hard to carry around.

How do I just let this go?

So the office politics:  I'm trying to just let it slide off my back.  Most of the time I'm successful, but sometimes I slip a little.  It hurts.  But at least I can see now what my co-workers are doing to keep me out of the loop on things.  That's fine.  If it means that I have to eat lunch with these ******* in order to be kept in the loop, then forget it.  Because I don't eat with people who stab me in the back.

The rest of it though...  I don't know, maybe it's time for a change.  I still think that I should be able to leave work, leaving frustrations and pain at work, and come home and be happy-happy. 

So I'm home now, came straight here to put this all down to help calm down and organize my thoughts, and my husband keeps interrupting me with what happened with his day, even though I've asked him THREE times to just let me finish this and we can talk about this stuff at dinner.

I just came from the office with frustrations and come home and deal with more frustrations...  Now I must eat my dinner.

Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 01/04/2018:
It is so hard when you dislike your job. I think every office has their own brand of office politics....I saw it in the medical practice I worked for too. Basically what I did was...as I was getting into my car to leave...I switched the invisable off switch ( in my head)...and then it was my personal life again. I remember well the days when my husband would walk in the door from work and I would bombard him with my many tales of woe about the kids, the dog, the leaking faucet and my car with the low tire.....I wish I could go back and have a do over.....because I just wouldn't do it right at that moment. The other day Dr Phil said that they have a 4 minute rule.....no matter what happened that day...they couldn't talk about it for 4 minutes...and instead just spent that 4 minutes happy to be with each other again....then....they could both take turns telling their woes.....I'm hoping that today goes better for you.

Donkey on 01/04/2018:
This is a WONDERFUL idea! Today was much better, as I had to stop at the drug store on my way home to pick up some Rx's for my husband. A very nice way to decompress :-)

But I will try to visualize the on/off switch -- love that idea!

The 4-minute rule is a great idea too but I'm not sure that hubby can hold it in for that long, LOL. Still, I think he'll work with me on it.

horn_of_plenty on 01/05/2018:
Hello J-Donkey!

Regarding you writing first off about your work being TOXIC: trust me when I say this: MOST WORKPLACES ARE TOXIC! Listen to me, don’t just ignore what I’m saying PLEASE, because of all my job changes since I was a young teacher till now, between 10-15 years in multiple industries and as of late the past 7 years in this electrical industry, I’ve seen TONS of office politics, attitudes, prejudices, everything. I’ve seen some people get away with things while others get fired for doing the most minor things wrong….

My point to you is this….it’s Winter…it’s harder to remain positive, but I will you to take it less personally…like, let it annoy you, write about it here, but realize that you are probably more skilled than most others that work with you…or like you said, you have little help so you really are the “go to” person….so this is the case:

You must let it go…just do what you can at work…try not to waste time like I do by writing here to you now at work lol…but you MUST let it go for the sake of your health…both mental and physical. Simply learn to take it with a grain of salt? Is that a saying? You must come in, do your work, not work too much OT, and go home to another LIFE, a LIFE outside of your work life. SEPARATE the two…I am reading a book right now called The Slight Edge. Basically, what BOTH YOU AND I sometimes are lacking is the slight edge to being happy. We let negative thoughts roll on and forget to FIRST think of the positive. I’m going to give you exact examples later. This is VERY important actually.

Success comes with being happy. You MUST change your thought pattern….believe me,t rust me. This goes for me also. Let your workers and coworkers I mean, let them see you happy and smiling. Give off positivity. Believe you are happy. And when work gives you too much work, do what you can and breathe.

YOU ARE ALLOWED To leave work at work like you said. NOBODY is stopping you…you can still write about it here…I would be happy of course to read it…but you must laugh about it.

Keep working on letting the politics slide off your back…and NO, you do NOT have to eat with your coworkers. I like my space also and eat alone, especially now as we all eat at our desks. At work before in my other workplace a month ago where I was, I’d sometimes eat alone and sometimes with friends. ..the verdict is: YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. You are the sole administrator of YOURSELF. Make your decisions, as you can, on what is best for you. If your husband needs you, explain you need some time when you get home to go online to do this…and tell him that when you are doing this, not to interrupt you so that you will feel better when you see him after you finish this. Just explain it’s a way you like to relax like meditation. Explain you have to do it for you to feel better before you are with your family. I guess say it’s a way you take care of yourself. This is exactly what I’d say to Ricky…or any other man or person in my life also, if I lived with them.

Even when I am with ricky, I sometimes go on DD to update food…I tell him I just need a moment to update this….that I’ve been doing it a long time and it’s something I always do…and for him to give me a moment…and he does …because he is also doing something usually….or he always could use some time to himself even when we are together. Your hubby needs to let you do your thing..just explain it calmly. YOU ARE FINE. DONKEY, just continue to take care of yourself. You cannot help others till you are OK yourself. Do the things that make you happy. Eat your lunch alone at work, but don’t be thinking negative. Read a little happy thing everyday…I was starting to do this at work. TRUST that if you start to see the positive in things, it’ll become more of a habit. You decide how much happiness you have in life. Make sure you DO make decisions to eliminate some stress and give yourself time to yourself…at home and work. Nobody can take away your happiness except you. BELIEVE IT.

Donkey on 01/06/2018:
So much of what you said is spot on... I just have to remember to keep focusing on those goals (for myself) and not get sucked back into the toxicity.

Believe it or not, most of the time, I do walk around smiling and humming a happy tune, as a cover to my co-workers, especially to the Awful One. I know that she's very jealous of my weight loss, so she does what she can to bring me down.

So -- what I really need to do is work on maintaining my center, my focus.

happy-1 on 01/05/2018:
I thought this book was really good...

Working with You Is Killing Me: Freeing Yourself from Emotional Traps at Work by Katherine Crowley, Kathi Elster "For anyone trapped in an energy-zapping relationship with a co-worker, boss, or subordinate, Crowley and Elster offer an exit strategy - a highly practical and easily implemented guide to making the situation workable." - Publishers Weekly https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/working-with-you-is-killing-me-katherine-crowley/1103271625?type=eBook

Donkey on 01/06/2018:
Oh yes, I will be checking my library for this book. I think an exit strategy is what I need. Not necessarily to leave my job, but rather to exit the toxicity. Thanks!

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