Thank you all for your kind words of sympathy and support 
Today was a hungry day. I hate it when it's like that. To self-critique, I probably ate too many carbs, including a large sweet potato for lunch, a 100 calorie bag of popcorn (thanks, Maria7!), 2 slices of (diet) bread, and a Fiber One cinnamon "cake" cube thing.
I switched things up this week, because I ran out of almond milk, so instead of having oatmeal with walnuts in the morning, I'm having toast with organic peanut butter.
Hoping for a better weigh-in this week. I took Horn's self-discipline attitude regarding her workouts, and decided that if I want the numbers to go the way I want them to go, I will need to be self-discipled about it, and deny some things that I would indulge in. Then today happened, LOL.
PS Threw out the rest of the cake this morning.
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
A couple of things...
#1 - My step-father passed away yesterday morning. May God bless him. When he was initially diagnosed with liver cancer, the doctor said that with the course of treatment he chose, he would have about 7 years, and sure enough, he had passed 6.5 years right before the holidays so almost 7 years. It was an empty, gray, cold day, with not much purpose. I felt like a zombie for most of the day, but tried to be active here and there. (This is where my FitBit was helpful, because it helped me stay on track to be active enough.) The memorial will be in 2 weeks.
#2 - Because Papa passed away, we were able to get a message to my son via the Red Cross, which got my son a 15 minute phone call home. He called Mr. Donkey, which is fine because I was at work and I know my husband has been so worried about him. I write letters almost every day, so I feel connected to my son, but my husband hasn't written - not his thing, I guess - so he's been left to stew in his anxiety. Thank you, Red Cross.
Now we have his graduation date, so we're making plans to go down to Texas to see him graduate from basic training in March. That is something to look forward to. Even though it will be a financial strain, I wouldn't miss this.
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
I'm so glad your husband spoke with your son - this must have you feeling way better. <3
Well, I suck.
I went off the deep end last night. I can't recall if I was truly hungry, but I was having a yearning to eat. The problem started with having a late lunch on the road, coming home from the band competition. So I was hungry at around 7pm but nobody else was. Also, I was missing my son something terrible. We haven't heard from him yet. We thought he'd be able to call home on Friday, but here we are on Sunday and no phone call. I hope he's not mad at us. And I hope he's OK.
So I was missing my son, and I am tired of having his good-bye cake staring me in the face at the dinner table every night this past week, so I had a slice of the cake. And then another. And some of his favorite Oreo cookie ice cream. After that, I wanted a proper dinner though, so I had an Italian beef sandwich (with cheese - which I never do). But then I wanted dessert, so I had more Oreo ice cream, with whipped cream and sprinkles.
After that, I was full. Way full, but not painfully full.
I'm not so upset with myself for eating so much, as I believe that it's probably a good thing to have a day where I eat more, to keep the metabolism jumping and guessing. And Saturdays are my "relax" day as far as eating is concerned. As I was eating the cake and ice cream, I was reconciling with myself that I was truly saying good-bye to my son. Not that we won't see him again, but that the boy that left this week is gone. He will come back a man, and everything has changed forever.
What I *AM* upset about, though, is that I am not happy with the numbers on the scale and yet I go and do this. Now where is the logic in that....
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
You are absolutely right...your son will come home a man and you will really enjoy the changes. I'm sure he is just fine, he's learning a lot of new things right now and they want his full attention...but it's hard on parents for sure.
Please focus on you a little more - the trip I'd have a hard time also - burning a lot of calories being out and on the trip and walking around and socializing. - maybe next time seriously bring a snack for if you get hungry ?
But please concentrate on you now - do something for you and try to get back to your routine ....
I def see where you are coming from with our son and I am very sure it's difficult but instead of being so sad - try to connect his training and being away with being happy ....for him
I do think of him every morning as I struggle to get out of bed early so that I can workout. I know he has to be up at 4:45a. I struggle at 5:30a! And I get to sit on my bike, watch TV, and have a cup of coffee! -- Not exactly an accurate connection :-)
Gained 2.5 pounds. Not happy.
Taking a road trip today to see my daughter perform with the high school band at the state competition later this morning. It is sure to delight!
Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!
Went back to work, although I was still feeling like a Zombie... My heart wasn't really in it, which REALLY helped me keep a PROPER and HEALTHY distance from my involvement in the files. Also, not having my heart into my work helped me appreciate what my co-worker did while I was away, as she covered my emails.
It was so dead last week, but the 2 days I was out, it was like crazy-busy, and everyone wanted everything NOW. Seriously, people -- it's real estate. It's not a trial, where your personal freedom is at stake. It's not surgery where your health/life is at stake. I felt so bad for my co-worker, even though she was one of the backstabbers in December. So a couple of things I said to her, that I think helped:
This is awful to say, but it seems that in order to keep my sanity, I have to be less invested in producing a better work product. Otherwise, I get so uptight, upset, and stressed, so that while it's done correctly, I'm a mess and nobody likes me. That sucks.
Anyway, trying to be more intuitive at dinner. Must work on eating slower, I think. I think that will help me eat less. Trying to stay away from the leftover chocolate cake. I didn't do so well yesterday. Had 3 small slivers after dinner, even though I wrote about the cake here in DD right before dinner. Tonight, made myself a cup of decaf. That will hold me.
Goals Progress: I bought my next color for my hair. January was "dark brown", and the next box is "soft black". Still sticking to a dress pallet of navy, black, and gray -- makes getting dressed in the morning SO much quicker and easier. Keeping up with my daily Gratitude diary.
But I need to add a temporary goal for the end of this month and February, to stay at 128-ish and not let the stress and sadness overcome me and creep back into the 130s.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
I know exactly how you feel... but a company rarely has more than one badly done deal/project in them. The second one kills it.
Do you ever read fail blogs?
Today was the Big Good-Bye... to my son. I know he'll have a tough 6 weeks ahead of him. The house seems so empty without him...
So YES, I did take care of myself today, and did not go into work, even though I could have gone in for half a day. Instead, I let myself just relax and settle into the quietness of the day. My husband took a long nap; my daughter had to work. So I watched TV, did some crosswords, rode my stationary bike...
Last night, I did resist the leftover chocolate cake and Oreo ice cream we had from Sunday's dinner, but I did not do so well with dinner itself, eating too much spaghetti with meat sauce. I curbed my desire for dessert with a cup of decaf coffee with flavored creamer.
A couple of folks here have talked about looking forward to gummy vitamin supplements as a "treat" -- oh my goodness, I thought I was the only one!!! In the morning, after I exercise, I have 2 gummies for hair/skin/nails. At night, I take 2 fruit-flavored Tums (for calcium) and 2 melatonin gummies. Sometimes I REALLY look forward to these "treats". I also take glucosamine tablets, one in the morning and one at night, but those are swallowed whole, so that's not a treat. I thought the glucosamine would help with my knee/back/hips, but I can't say that I've noticed much improvement or change.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
anyways, i'm sure his training will be very tough, he must keep his head up especially at beginning where it's more a mental game.
Very hard...
Overindulged with a good-bye dinner on Saturday at the restaurant. Had a mint fudge sundae for dessert, too. Then last night, made a cake and had ice cream, too.
Now I find out that we're going out to breakfast before we take our son to the recruiter's office... which I agree with, so that we're not worrying about lunch during all of this.
I've got some things going on hormonally -- cycle is way off, skin is breaking out. Probably stress... Just have to get through this day, this week...
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
i'm sure you are very stressed about your son leaving for training. remember you need to take care of YOU....i think what might have been doing on is your wanting to take good care of your son and you stopped thinking about you...also, if you are indulging in cakes, maybe next time do not make cake? unless your family really wants it...lol...
I seem to be stuck at this number...
This is the last weekend with our son before he leaves for boot camp. Monday is the day we take him. Tuesday he departs.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
maybe once your son is gone you can go lower. how tall are you?
Had a lot planned to do this weekend, as far as working around the house, and it seems as though mopping up the floor is just now too much for my back to handle. So I spent about 30 minutes icing my back and now will rest for the remainder of the day.
I had the planned the following:
This is what actually happened:
Oh I just realized there is ONE MORE can of paint in the basement that didn't get brought up. THIRTY-ONE CANS OF FREAKING PAINT!!!!
This is making me feel very anxious...
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
My dad was complaining his back hurt this weekend - but was still exercising - his pain mustn't have been very minimal.
Weight did not budge this week. 
I wanted to post from work yesterday that "B*tchy co-workers make me want to eat less" but I couldn't remember my password to this site, since I'd have to log in from my phone. Doesn't matter -- I ended up eating most of my snacks anyway. Got into it with my 2 co-workers again. The Impossible One (lady) started on me, and the guy sitting next to her was like, "Well, since you don't want to help..." to me. I said, It's not that I don't want to help, I just don't want to get yelled at. So now, no more helping, since it will only get me yelled at.
My dear husband, though: I texted him on my phone about what happened and he was so supportive. Now that he is no longer working, he doesn't have his own work-drama to stew about and can be there for me. 
I didn't dwell on it though; I told him that I'm just going to focus on my own well-being and happiness with my family. Instantly made me feel so much better. This was a "must add" to my Gratitude Diary (New Year's Resolution #3).
Speaking of New Year's resolutions, I would like to add that for Resolution #1, that includes, not only wearing more black, but navy and gray will qualify under this category as well. This is working very well for me. 
There's been some discussion about "sneaky eating" and I realized that it is THIS that has me so bothered about last weekend's indulgence while watching the movie: Hiding the wrappers! It was hiding the empty Chex Mix bag and the empty marshmallow bag that freaked me out. So even though it was planned eating, controlled, etc., the thoughts and behaviors around the eating is what has me so bothered. My husband was in the room, on the computer with his headset on. I guess I was hiding my eating from him. Painful memories of past behaviors/problems.
Anyway, I have another chance, because my daughter told me that she wants to watch the movie with me - which is fine by me. I love Fred Astaire's dancing! I can re-do the memory and establish positive thoughts and feelings, rather than the ones I've been carrying around with me since last Friday. And so for today, I am grateful for second chances.
EVENING UPDATE: Daughter bailed on me for a sleepover, LOL -- which is perfectly understandable and OK with me. Not that I won't miss spending time with her, but I completely get it.
Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!
With the hiding of food - remember how far you've come and everything you've learned in this process of years of weight loss ! You are better now and learned so much ! Me too!
You have a lot more knowledge now - the negative memories may linger but be happy you are no longer in that place !!!! I sure am so happy I am not in the lowest of places either when I was at my highest- almost 25 lbs larger and that's a lot of weight to gain in only 2 years which is what i did both times I gained weight itbwas fast without any thought - sorry if too much info please tell me ?
We are beyond these points now - we know what to do to be more moderate and make it work out ..... your memories are there but will lesson as time goes by - I had forgotten lots till thinking about lunch own self just now
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i really do not think that a large sweet potato is gonna kill you....the benefits def outweigh any pitfalls, truthfully.
i sometimes eat a massive banana and tell myself the potassium and all outweighs the sugar crash i tend to get...lol.
This is where the scale and I clash. A large sweet potato on a "hungry day" is a great choice. But the carbs will show up on the scale (water retention). The scale doesn't always reward the better choice.
horn_of_plenty on 02/01/2018:
good change of pace with the oatmeal. i am getting SO SICK of my breakfast of peanut butter on a wrap....deciding to switch to eggs next week on a wrap...i seriously cannot do anymore nut butters right now. even getting sick of the wrap so soon i'll switch that to something else too (diff bread of some sort).
and your note on self discipline - i am getting weaker each time i am at the gym - i can tell bc i am going down in the weights i use. my current fitness plan didn't include bicep curls and i tried them last night and cringed at how difficult they were getting for me! so i am adding them back into my routine despite my fitness plan not including them...
also, in order for me to get better at this very hard fitness plan - just like you are doing with i think eating or weight - i realize it needs to be a 3x a week venture, not 2x. so, despite my desire to not go on friday nights or sunday nights, i'll be including those nights for awhile since that's the best way right now for me to get in 3x a week sessions....i'm doing the uncomfortable to make improvements. if i stick to 2x a week or just don't think about a plan, i see myself not improving much...so cheers to making a commitment and plan to make things happen.
and things DO HAPPEN if you work at it. people at my new job...they have asked if i go to gym and ask what i do. they think i'm so fit...little do they know i've been working at it (mostly on but sometimes i've had to take off bc injuries as you are aware) but i've been working at this goal - the weights - for YEARS. little do they know, i started weights around 22yrs old. now i'm 35. that's 13 years, mostly on a regular schedule - but the results you couldn't really see the first several years...maybe until i turned 30! so, we must learn to always appreciate the PROCESS it takes, not the result.
for me, appreciating the process means struggling right now at the gym with the new routine bc i have confidence deep down that i'm going to improve. right now, i can quit bc i am so terrible at the exercises, but i'd rather just keep on...and keep in my mind that with 3x a week of practice, i may just be able to improve enough to be a court officer...right now it's downright scary...but i'd rather be excited to try out the process..which is why i am continuing.
I do remember! It seems as though you have the "Before Injury", the "Injury" (when you couldn't do anything), and now the "After Injury".
I confess that I was doing some research into older entries (from random public members -- I've communicated to you about doing this), and I came across your entries when you were talking about running 6-7 miles. And then some of your entries while you were recovering, and now of course, where you are now.
I'm going to give some thought to what you said about enjoying the process.
bearcountrygg on 02/01/2018:
Sweet potatoes are good for you! And the cake can be portioned out and frozen.
Ugh - why didn't I think ahead of time to freeze the leftover cake??? GREAT idea!
horn_of_plenty on 02/02/2018:
Donkey...if it's only water weight for eating a sweet potato....eat the sweet potato!!!!!!!
Maria7 on 02/02/2018:
Glad you enjoyed that 100 calories bag of popcorn. I know I enjoy mine! Smile!