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Donkey - Saturday Dec 16, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.5

Pleased - and relieved - with my weigh-in.  Wasn't too sure because it's been quite a week:

  • Boss insisted I partake in the mini-bundt cake gift we received at yesterday's lunch, and before I could even THINK "no thank you", I had a little cake on my plate!
  • Had an entire foot-long Subway Reuben sandwich for dinner on Thursday. I've been wanting to try these forever, and since Mr. Donkey flaked out on dinnner prep, we had these instead.  I was not quite hungry since I'd had a lot of raw vegetables in the afternoon at work, but the sandwich was SO GOOD, I ate it all.
  • Said Reuben sandwhich was very salty - delicious but not conducive to successful weigh-ins, LOL...
  • Had salty dinner on Tuesday with the husband.  Both kids had work that night, so it was just us.  Tuna melts, and then a side plate of bacon... Oh my... 


So if you haven't noticed, I tend to eat a lot of salt.  I've given up many vices (sugar, alcohol, carbs), so salt remains probably the last of the vices to tackle, which leads me to my next subject...

Starting to gravitate towards new goals for 2018.  I didn't think I'd have any, to be honest. 

Progress as of today: 58 lbs lost so far, only -8 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/16/2017:
Those subways are sooo good.....that is one place we do have within 15 minutes of us. I keep forgetting about them though...need to keep them in mind. Congrats on the weigh in...you are doing FANTASTIC!

Donkey on 12/17/2017:
Thank you!

happy-1 on 12/19/2017:
Mmmm salt.

Donkey - Sunday Dec 10, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 129.0

In my quest for peace & reconciliation with the whole body/weight thing, it occurred to me this morning:  what is weight exactly?

So I weighed in higher this week.  Is that accurate?  For example, when I came back from Thanksgiving with my family, I had gained 6 pounds.  At next week's weigh-in, I had lost the 6 pounds.  Is that possible that I lost that much substance (mass)? 

If I drink 64 ounces of water and weigh myself, and the number is higher, have I really gained that weight?  or is it just a temporary flux?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this right now...  Maybe I need to weigh less often?  (Might be easier said than done, LOL...)

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -7.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/10/2017:
Supposedly the best time to weigh in is when you first get up in the morning ( after using the bathroom).....after that we start holding water, eating breakfast, getting dressed etc.......weigh in undressed or wearing the same thing each time.....I know with me...anything can almost become an obsession...at least temporarily..a lot of people weigh in once a week..

horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
at the restaurant on Saturday night i ordered this drink from the menu:

Bright & Balmy ourtakeonadark&stormy •mezcal• aperol• grapefruit•gingerbeer

It was one of their mixed cocktails. It wasn't sweet, not too sweet, thankfully. But it wasn't tasty really. however, not being sweet is a good thing...i didn't drink it up fast ;)

but it wasn't too good....prob better off ordering beer...lower cal also probably than these mixed drinks...?

horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
will write more for you later :) in regards to your entries i have yet to comment on (this one and the previous entry!)

horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
There's tons of weight fluctuation based on the volume of the food you eat. When i stuff myself with vegetables one night, i'll weigh much more in the morning compared to if i ate something small like a dunkin donuts egg sandwich for dinner without much vegetables or volume. When i used to eat a protein bar for dinner, or recently those protein cookies, there's no volume and i'd weigh low the next morning.

weigh less if you think it's not worth it to weigh frequently due to fluctuations. i weigh no more than 1x a week (usually). now that i wrote it, i'll probably weigh myself everyday this week! lol. i will also comment on the below entry of yours later :)

horn_of_plenty on 12/11/2017:
i think you are thinking too much about food / weight...based on your last entry.

you look GREAT. i hope you don't want to now give up and gain the weight back.

you can still relax and celebrate with food...i do too!

but i'm tell you - all the veggies and the changes you made in your life look good on you. i don't see a reason to quit.

you can enjoy and relax on christmas, it's one day, but then you have to work on going back :)

the more weight training i do, the more i can also eat.

horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2017:
LASTLY, never get too much into your head...where you forget to be happy about things...and forget to be thankful for the good.


This is a reminder to myself as well :)

horn_of_plenty on 12/12/2017:
There is nothing good happening if we are to turn ourselves into "victims"....so, i'm working and being happy for now on....no matter what.

i've begun to realize that if i'm giving lots of commitments for my industry like a union meeting tonight, that i can also plan for myself commitments that i want (like signing up for the auxiliary police) on Thursday night...i am not giving up on my own happiness...i will continue to make my own unique life as long as i possibly can!

so don't forget yourself in all the mishmash...always remember that YOU ARE WORTH IT.

do not give up and stop maintaining your weight...keep on...do not dial back to what you were before, KEEP ON.


Maria7 on 12/13/2017:
Hope you are having a good day.

Donkey - Saturday Dec 09, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 129.0

Gained a pound but still under 130 and way below goal so I'm fine with it.

I came to the realization yesterday that, even though I did meet my weight loss goal (and surpassed it a little), that the REAL problem is that I'm just not happy with my actual body.   Unfortunately, that's NOT something that can change.  I know weight training can change some proportions, but not in the way I want to look. 

So here I am again, at 47, still struggling with being comfortable in my own skin.

In addition, I was watching some "Christmas in Switzerland" TV special this morning, and it made me realize that the way I eat -- lots of vegetables, minimal sugar, cutting carbs -- that really cuts into being able to relax and celebrate with food.  And while vegetables are great and probably the way we should all eat more of, is that a realistic way to eat on a long-term basis?

I've lost the same 50 pounds at least 3 times, this is either the 3rd or 4th time.  This time, I wanted it to be something that was sustainable and maintainable, realistic not sadistic, and for the most part, I've done that - although I admit that sometimes I feel like a slave to my Fitbit -- but here I am again.

Someone knock some sense into me - please!

Progress as of today: 57.5 lbs lost so far, only -7.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/09/2017:
Hi Donkey...thank you for your input into my rant of yesterday.........We apparently share the frustration of just not being happy with us. Is it that we never learned to love ourselves? Instead of concentrating on food and exercise...should we be looking at other things about ourselves that we come by naturally? We probably take our good points for granted as if we don't deserve to take credit for those. Instead we decide that we have to let society, magazines and celebrities tell us what we should be striving for...I have a fitbit...it's in the drawer...LOL..I thought because I bought it...it would magically make me thinner...like the DVD's and the diet books...well...it didn't work like that for me....The fact is...I'm a sedentary person, I love medical books, I love junk food and carbs and basically all junk food is carbs!!! Can we mold ourselves into something that someone else says we should be? Or should we love ourselves as we are so that we can just naturally improve on us? Will we be happy cramming ourselves into the mold society sets for us? If we are miserable and don't want to face a new day....then how is that good for us? I know I hit a wall yesterday...I was actually sitting back and watching myself beat myself up and rebel like a bratty kid....that was my wake up call......food isn't my problem, it is the symptom of my problem....I use it to beat myself up because I'm not happy with me....when I finally make me happy.....the rest will fall into place. Maybe it works like that for you too....

Donkey on 12/10/2017:
If weight-loss was something you could study for, I'd be a champ.

Can't really read or study for it -- weight loss is all action in order to see results. And my body just wasn't made for that, it seems. (Ask my feet, knees, hips, and back...)

bearcountrygg on 12/10/2017:
I hear you...all of the knowlege in the world doesn't fix it...doing it does....Darn it!

Donkey - Monday Dec 04, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Coming here to unload...  I swear I thought I was gonna lose it today -- just at the end of my rope.  Too busy and too tired and too stressed.

Truth be told, what caused me the most strife was the ice cream dessert I had last night.  Paid for all that sugar big time today....  Tried to do better today, will do even BETTER tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 12/04/2017:
awwwww....Feel better...tomorrow is another day!

horn_of_plenty on 12/05/2017:
Hi J-Donk!

Sounds like your boss likes you – to be able to tell (him?) about your garage cleanup endeavor! It looked good in your fb pics, like a new garage! I bet you wish you had it this way from the start! Clutter is hard to get rid of, I bet you thought you wanted those things from the garage that you didn’t get rid of till now!?

When you feel like you felt in the first paragraph, you must try to find some time to relax for yourself. Easier said than done, maybe, but it’s important for your health mentally and physically. I was feeling that way last week when all of a sudden I was working OT everyday again.

Yes, sometimes when I eat high calories or fat or sugar, the body continues to crave it into the next day…And its usually better to gradually get back to where you were before the sugar, which it sounds like you are doing. Don’t regret it too much – I see you are getting back. KEEP ON!

happy-1 on 12/06/2017:
Hugs, I know the feeling. It usually makes me buy steak so I can pretend I am eating my enemies.

Donkey on 12/09/2017:
ROFL - this is too funny and TRUE -- I *must* try this!!!

Donkey on 12/09/2017:
ROFL - this is too funny and TRUE -- I *must* try this!!!

bearcountrygg on 12/06/2017:

Maria7 on 12/06/2017:
Hope you have a good day. :-)

Donkey - Saturday Dec 02, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 128.0

Quite pleased with today's weigh-in.  After a couple of crazy weeks, things are becoming "regular" and returning to normal (sort of).  My activity level dropped off a bit, but food intake was less due to the craziness and stress.  

My husband's rehab at home is going to be more difficult than I had thought.  He's not the best patient, and I have my own health problems lately. The nurse and the PT came to our house today, and I would agree with them that my husband is doing remarkably well.  

This weekend is the last weekend of pleasant weather for our area, so I'm going to get out there and do some stuff in the garage in hopes that we can park all the cars in the garage this year.

Progress as of today: 58.5 lbs lost so far, only -8.5 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/02/2017:
I achieved my goal of clearing out the third stall. All cars will be in the garage this winter!!! (And I cleaned the shelves in the garage, disposed of trash that we were keeping (for some reason, and I listed some large items we no longer use on Facebook Marketplace, e.g. winter sleds.)

Maria7 on 12/04/2017:
Sounds like you have been busy! Have a good day and congrats on your progress.

horn_of_plenty on 12/04/2017:
I am so glad to hear that at the moment they are pleased along with you too regarding your husband's progress :)

I am so happy to hear that everyone will be parking their cars inside and out of the path of mother nature! That's cool - i am so thankful for my own garage for those snowy days it's one less thing for you to have to deal with.

It was a really nice weekend, indeed.

Donkey on 12/04/2017:
Loving it right now, and my boss, who was constant encouragement of this endeavor, says I will be even more thankful later this week when it gets really c-o-l-d here in Chicagoland!

Donkey - Wednesday Nov 29, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.0

Not a weigh-in day, but I thought I'd check in as I wait for the minutes to tick by before leaving for the hospital.  Husband is having double hip surgery today.  TODAY.  TODAY!!!

I didn't think I was very anxious about this until it hit me Sunday night.  Then I realized, yes, I am kind of worried about this.  I have no reason to think anything will go wrong, of course.  Excellent surgeon.  Hopefully the hospital will deliver good care -- I've heard things over the years, but perhaps things have changed.  There are other hospitals I prefer, but the surgeon prefers this hospital.  I hope he can come home tomorrow.

I feel that I am back on track, eating and exercising.  I try really hard to take an evening walk around the neighborhood after dinner (around 30 minutes). I find it helpful for digestion, especially when one has overindulged with second helpings of chili (ooops).

Trying to keep everything together as I get over these hurdles one step at a time...

 UPDATE:  Mr. Donkey had a successful surgery, and I will visit him this evening.  I'm anxious to see him but did not want to see him come out of anethesia, so I came home to get things in order at home (for the kids) and then I will go back to visit for a couple of hours tonight.  I'm very grateful and relieved.

Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/29/2017:
Wow, prayers for a successful surgery for your DH. Double replacement - sounds daunting. My DH had a single knee replacement and was immobile for about a week. Good luck.

Donkey on 11/29/2017:
Thank you! I confess that I am worried that rehabilitation might take longer than usual, because of his compounding back & neck issues. I'm taking it one day at a time :-)

horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2017:
It sounds he is good hands. He will overcome the surgery. It's a common surgery, so remind yourself and hubby that the prognosis is good as long as he continues to follow doctors follow-up procedures / physical therapy.

Good luck to your hubby....best wishes to you both.

You sound good!

Donkey on 11/29/2017:
He had some complications, so everything has taken a little longer than expected. But he made it and that's the important thing. I fear we have a long road ahead of us though, but maybe not.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2017:
I am glad to hear that he is alright after surgery...remember to take one day at a time.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/29/2017:
oh, and i'm proud of you for being by his side and helping your hubby today and everyday!

Donkey - Sunday Nov 26, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.0

(I commented on comments in yesterday's entry.  Thank you!)

My husband made a very helpful observation this morning.  When I mentioned the 4-pound gain, he said, "If you had been able to workout like you do, you wouldn't have had a problem."  I thought about that, and he's right!

It's hard to step out of my comfort zone, but had I made it a point to be more active (e.g. walk around the block every hour or so) or use the elliptical crosstrainer, if I had stayed in a hotel, I'm *SURE* that things would have been different.

That got me thinking about things I could have done differently.  I could have asked my mom to get me raw vegetables ahead of time.  OR I could have gotten my own raw vegetables when she and I went to the grocery store on Tuesday, even.  

So I'm more in control of my destiny than I am admitting to myself.

Side notes:  I'm afraid kitty isn't long for the world.  She is having problems with eating & drinking now.  So we are all doing our best to make sure she is as comfortable as possible.  Also, while I was in Vegas, found out that my husband needs a walker with front wheels (ONLY) for after surgery.  Oh my...  I'm so grateful that I found a nice lady on Facebook that was giving one away -- for FREE.  What a relief!

Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/26/2017:
Sounds like you guys figured things out.....and how lucky that you and the lady with the walker found each other....Karma at work there I think....and your poor kitty...I'm sad for all of you...I kind of figured that may be the problem...since you mentioned facebook...I would love to connect with you there.

horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2017:
But also, part of a vacation is exactly what happened on yours: a break from routine (either wanted or no, it's usually a full or semi-break from routine).

Do not regret or wish you had done anything different, because, you are back here now. Now is time to make all the opportunistic and positive choices that you can or want to.

Also, you've learned from this Vegas vacation - and perhaps on next vacation you'll plan to have more veggies somehow - like by shopping one time when you go there.

Either way, that vacation has passed, and once again I mean it when i say you looked beautiful with glowing skin in your pictures. Just Beautiful. So, focus on the "NOW" and your goals now, and let the vacation rest :)

horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2017:
I mean actually, let the CHOICES on the vacation you made rest, you can still be happy about the vacation! :)

Donkey - Saturday Nov 25, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 134.0

Back from visiting family from Vegas....  My weigh-in this week is a disaster.  Up 4 pounds.

My brother's family eats NO vegetables.  It's ALL carbs.  Might be lucky to find some protein in there.  Oh. My. Goodness.  I love them to pieces, but if I had to live with them, I'd be huge.  And what just KILLS me is that all of them are very thin and tiny.  I just don't get it.  I had dinner with just my folks a couple of times, which was easier, because Mom fixed some frozen vegetables for me, but she cooks with no salt.  Yuck.  And while I did try to remain active, it was obvious to me that I did not reach my normal levels of achievement.

I'm glad I left my Fitbit at home.  Maybe it would have been helpful to see the lack of steps I was taking, to get my butt up and moving.... but my fear was that it would be frustratring for me to see goals unmet.  

It was nice to see everyone though.  And my poor step-father... as good as he looked, and as well as he did, he is at the end of his life.  When we said our good-byes on Thursday, it was kind of crazy because it was Thanksgiving and my brother's 5 kids were there making a bunch of noise.  So I felt kind of bad that I didn't say good-bye like I wanted to, but looking back, I think my good-bye on Wednesday, when it was just him and my mom and myself, was a better good-bye. 

So now I am back home, returning to the stress that is my life.  Some but not much was cleaned or cleared.  My husband has hip surgery this week and, surprise, we need to find him a walker that has wheels.  I'm going over to Goodwill to see if there is anything cheap.  Otherwise, I'll be ordering one online for $30, which isn't too bad.  I've seen many on Facebook Marketplace going for $75, $80 --- what the heck?  It does not help that we only have my salary coming in now, and this month, we have to pay our own insurance premium.  All I see is money going out and not much coming in.   And so much needs to be done to the house...  And I'm getting little to no help on that from anyone.

I'm just done.

PS  The cat is still not using her litter box.  And now she's spitting up all over the place.

Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/25/2017:
Take a breather before you have to go back to work and carve some time in for relaxing during this weekend !

Welcome home you were missed here !

Aim to counteract your recent weight gains by doing what you did to loose. If I were in your boat, I'd make a goal to get back to whatever weight you were by January or February If needed :-)

Instead of looking at the negative, try to challengr yourself now to get back on track and be your best JDonkey!!!

bearcountrygg on 11/25/2017:
That is a lot of stress to carry around with you. To begin with I'm sure your step father got the message from you during your time with them and I;m sure he was happy that you came to visit. You have a rough week coming up too now so please just try to let things happen as they will until your husband is home....the house can wait. I'll be thinking of you as you go through the next few days...and hope that your husband heals well and quickly.......don't sweat the 4 pounds...I have a feeling that you will be working those off in the near future....Stay strong Donkey.

Donkey on 11/26/2017:
Thank you for helping me put things into perspective, priority-wise. I may need you to do this again for me in the future :-)

A lot of times, I lose my objectivity when overwhelmed (which seems to be happening a lot these days), which then leads to crabbiness. I did get some stuff done this weekend, in spite of it all...

Horn_of_plenty on 11/26/2017:
your fb photos look AMAZING, YOU in particular look beautiful! everything you have been doing - paid off exponentially bc you look terrific and beautiful! def never stop!

Donkey on 11/26/2017:
Thank you! Now that I'm back in familiar surroundings, I'm confident those 4 pounds will go away soon enough. And if not, hello 2018 goal, LOL...

Horn_of_plenty on 11/26/2017:
i agree with all BCGG said....especially STAY STRONG. you have to! there's really no other good option than that other than letting life take you down...and from experience, it's really not worth going that way.

Donkey - Saturday Nov 18, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.5

Gained another half pound!!! I've gained 3.5 pounds this month!!! What the heck???

Progress as of today: 56 lbs lost so far, only -6 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2017:
I wish you a good trip coming up to Vegas which the weather i hope is nice and warm for you. Much warmer than Chicago, like you said!

I wrote you on your entry yesterday, too.

Do not focus only on the weight, you have been doing well.

While in Vegas, make sure to take care of yourself. Perhaps someone out there will want to walk with you, maybe.

Make sure to sleep well there.

And of course spend time with your father-in-law :)

Take care and wishing you a safe trip and return back :)

You will be missed here, also.

Donkey on 11/19/2017:
Hi there -- it's actually my step-father who is failing. He and mom were married when I was 16. We lost my step-father earlier this year... It just has not been a good year for the men in our family :-(

Thank you for your kind words of support. That's a REALLY good idea about writing a list of positive things as well. :-)

bearcountrygg on 11/20/2017:
Hope you enjoy your time away, it sounds like it will be a trip mixed with sadness and family.....looking forward to your return.

Maria7 on 11/21/2017:
Hope you are doing well.

Maria7 on 11/22/2017:
Wishing you and yours a happy, blessed Thanksgiving.

Donkey - Friday Nov 17, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 130.0

Feeling some anxiety before weigh-in day.  I hold no high hopes at a favorable weigh in this week.

The cat is still struggling with using her box, even though tonight will be 72 hours of taking an antibiotic.  I went to the store to buy the training "pee pads" that they use for puppies.  These things are WONDERFUL for my kitty's problem.  They are so absorbant of wetness and odor.  If this is our future, I can live with this.  My boss generously donated all of his used newspapers for this cause, once I mentioned to him that we were having a problem.  He likes cats too.

With everything going on, I thought that this cat thing would surely push me over the edge of sanity.  No, I wouldn't go insane, but just that kind of sadness where you start crying at odd times because it all gets too overwhelming.  I thought about making a list of all of the things that are totally stressing me out -- just for myself.  I wouldn't publish it anywhere, but keep it folded up in a pocket or a drawer.  I wouldn't use it to beat myself up with either, but rather, as a way to physically "put aside" my worries.

Up this weekend:

Saturday:  weigh in, legal clinic in the morning, grocery shopping in the afternoon, laundry in the evening, packing.

Sunday:  morning exercise, finish packing, leave for the airport at around 1:30p to fly out to Vegas for the week.  I've decided to give myself permission to leave the Fitbit at home.  I would not be going if my step-father wasn't coming to his end.  He's home now with hospice care.  I'm hoping he can hold on until my son and I get there.  (Husband and daughter staying behind.)  What an odd holiday this will be. Oh well, at least it will be warmer in Vegas than it is in Chicago...  And I will have the chance to rest and catch up with family.

I'll be gone Sunday through Friday.  Back just in time for another weigh-in on Saturday!! 

Progress as of today: 56.5 lbs lost so far, only -6.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 11/17/2017:
So the cat will use the pee pad but not the litter box? huh.....that's interesting. Sad about your step Father, My Dad was on hospice as well as my father in law. They are good and help make it easier on everyone, but it is still very hard. Have a relaxing trip as much as it can be, I'm glad to hear you are leaving the fitbit at home.

Horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2017:
It's good you found something to help your kitty. I am sorry the cat is still not doing well.

If you make the list of things that stress you, can you also make a list of things you are doing well at? Remember that you get one life, and not to live this one in struggle only. It's not healthy, you know this!

Yes, while you are in Vegas, please do not overdo. Try to get outside and take a little time for you, even though you are visiting father in law, you can go out and get some exercise, PLEASE. Try to rest and sleep good hours there, please take care of yourself.

I look forward to your return!

And remember the good work you do, at work!

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