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Donkey - Saturday Mar 04, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 142.5

Oh yes, I think I have found the secret to sucessful weigh-ins:  the night before weighing in, have screaming sessions with my husband before eating so that neither one of us feels like eating much.  There you go.  Not good for the marriage but very good for the scale.

Truthfully, I think my success this week had more to do with eating raw vegetables, more than anything, and consistent exercise.

I finally got honest with myself and decided on a final weight loss goal:  I want 50 pounds total off in this journey.  So that will leave my goal weight at 136.5 and then I will shift into maintenance at +/-2 pounds either direction.  That feels right and honest to me.

I would appreciate feedback from other DD'ers regarding the daily eating routine I mentioned in my previous entry, re: eating all day.  Thoughts, feedback, constructive criticism are welcome.

Thank you for visiting my diary today :-)

Progress as of today: 44 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 03/06/2017:
Good goals. You've done so well so far!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 03/06/2017:
i can see how the raw veggies will help as they also offer nice amounts of liquid (water) which is GREAT for weight loss!

You are doing great...sorry about the screaming...but happy you are doing well.

Keep up the great work and positive thinking! PS - it's almost Spring & Daylight Savings :) We can enjoy extra sleep!

Donkey - Friday Mar 03, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 145.5

Weigh Day is tomorrow, but as I am taking the train into the city to meet up with my favorite aunt and my mom, I may not have time to write until Sunday.

I did relatively well at dinner tonight, so I'm hoping to have a good weigh in tomorrow. 

I did well at dinner because it was a complete disaster, part of which I touched on in my comment to InnerPeace and museumgirl.  The husband is supposed to lose 50-60 pounds so he can have hip replacement surgery, and to help him with his AS disease.  (It's hard on a body that is already completely inflamed to carry around all that extra weight.)  So we've all been bending over backwards to help him, but today he had a good day at work, so he comes home and finishes my daughter's panchki from yesterday and makes himself a pepperoni pizza for dinner.  WTH!!!!

I get that he wanted to celebrate, but not with CRAP FOOD like that, and not for just having a good day at work.  WTH!!!

So he throws a huge tantrum and goes down into the basement without eating and plays computer games.  I come home to THIS after dealing with attorneys and clients throwing the same kind of tantrums all day long.  Seriously!  Regarding one of the attorneys I was fighting with, I finally told my boss, this guy is being ridiculous, please call him and see what the problem is.  WTH!!!

One thing that I have realized this week -- that I briefly mentioned to Jayhawkjen is that I eat ALL.THE.TIME when I'm at work. 

  • It starts when I get to work.  I drink my protein shake until about 10:30a or so. 
  • Then I have cottage cheese with flaxseed. 
  • Then lunch - or if I can't hang on until lunch, I'll have about a dozen almonds. 
  • Then lunch. 
  • Then I come upstairs from the lunchroom and start eating raw vegetables or fruit. 
  • Then around 3:30p I'll have 12 almonds. 
  • Then if I'm desperate, i'll have 1-2 rice cakes. 
  • Then I come home and have dinner.

I have 1-2 cups of coffee during the day, and about 48 oz (700mL?) of water throughout the day.  This cannot be a healthy way to be.  I don't want to be eating all the time, but most of the time I feel genuinely hungry, except for the raw vegetables -- that's usually anxiety.

BUT - there was one good news today:  the house, all clean and beautiful, appraised much higher than we had even dared hope to hope for, and that helped reduce our new monthly payment about $60.  We close on Wednesday.  Thank you all for your positive thoughts & energy, prayers, and good vibes.  Much appreciated, more than I could ever express here...


Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

Donkey - Saturday Feb 25, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 145.5

As I had feared, predicted, and anticipated, my weigh-in was not good this week:  a GAIN of 2.5 lbs -- even after going to the bathroom!

A couple of things weight related:

The fact that I delay my day and weigh-in on Saturday until I go to the bathroom in the morning is ridiculous.  Just get up and weigh-in and get going!  Take note, fellow DDer's, this falls under the category of "Don't Let This Happen to You - Ridiculous Rituals".  No more of this!

Ate too much last night for dinner.  Was not stuffed but pleasantly full.  But I knew that it would show up on the scale and it did.  Oh well.

I started the month at 146.5 and ended at 145.5 so overall lost 1 lb.  I'm in the "last 10 pounds" stretch, so I will have to fight for every pound I take and keep off.  Am I ready for this?  Truly mentally for this undertaking?


On to Regular Life now:

We should hear about the appraisal this week and what the terms will be for the refi. 

Unlike last weekend when the weather felt like late Spring, today it is snowing out.  I am going to walk this morning - no stationary bike.  I need a break.

Lots of errands to run, but I hope to catch my daughter's band ensemble thing today at 12:30p, and I also hope I get the opportunity to relax and enjoy the things I like to do:  knit, read, watch TV -- there's a documentary on Netflix I want to watch called "Minimalist" which I hope will motivate me to continue to clean and declutter.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/25/2017:
Don't let the scale screw with your mind...you have been doing GREAT this year and as of late you are in the best spirits. Keep it up, lady.

I hope that your walk was good despite the snow...our weather is still feeling sorta Spring like, we are supposed to get some rain but like you - tomorrow i will go walking, hopefully with the 'rents back at their house tomorrow afternoon!

It's good to go out & get some fresh air. Today i did what i said i'd do - relaxed like all day. sometimes it's what the body needs...lol...i want to relax all night...but i am going to gym so that for tomorrow night i can sleep early before a week of work .... lol that work/life balance ;)

Your daughter plays flute? I am not sure you ever mentioned the intrument...i used to teach band...i have a master's in music ed...you probably knew that already...

try to "plan in" for one or a couple or all the items...i have learned that i must plan for these things, or they do not happen...like i plan to work out, if it's not planned for, i just waste time on the web...lol.

enjoy your weekend, stay happy & keep on charging J-Donk - it's the ONLY WAY :-D you got it girlfriend!

Donkey - Thursday Feb 23, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 143.0

Another midweek entry...  I had spaghetti last night for dinner and I noticed that it seemed as though I had more energy and less muscle fatigue today.  Usually by Thursday I'm just dragging.  I don't think I've been carb cutting that much, but maybe I was, or maybe just not eating enough.

At any rate, I feel better but I'm not expecting a good weigh-in on Saturday.  Oh well...

Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2017:
AGREED Donkey. I also eat more carbs these days. Carbs do provide energy we need. you can always experiment with bean spaghetti or whole wheat...i am also experimenting still and still have the increased carbs. I am feeling also way better this time of year (mid winter) and perhaps it's the spring weather we are having (totally out of season) but as i have been eating better, my energy is up also.

it's not healthy to be too low carb...i remember when i dieted and actually followed a severe low carb diet...i was exhausted all day and could hardly complete my workouts. i did it for around 3 months i think? long time ago - i think i was around 23 or 24yrs old. no good. and i binged a ton after the diet was over bc i was craving carbs so much!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2017:
weirdly enough i've been eating a hair more over the past month & didn't gain weight. like, on avg, more than 100 cal more per day! seeing how it goes.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/24/2017:
Lol, it's only me & you writing....everyone's prob busy and running around :)

can't wait to relax tonight and a large portion of tomorrow!

Donkey - Tuesday Feb 21, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 143.0

Just a quick update to let you know that the appraisal is done.  The house looked and still looks so nice and clean.  16 bags and 1 full can of garbage, plus 3 recycling bins and 2 collections of cardboard boxes (also for recycling) to the curb.  That's still not all of the garbage, but there are a lot of leftover computer parts that I have to figure out how to dispose of those correctly....

My goal is to have the house on the market by the end of the year, which is when I figure my husband will not be able to work any more...

And I managed this WITHOUT stress-eating!  Very proud of myself.  Even if things don't work out well, at least I know that I did my very best, and I know that my husband also tried really, really hard and my kids went above and beyond my expectations.

Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/21/2017:
I will commend you for not stress eating...and for more writing something that sounds very resolute, logical, and sensible.

You are remarkable and you are smart and resilient.

You are empowering and you have inspired me by reading this post this morning. Thank you.

Donkey - Saturday Feb 18, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 143.0

This is a quick entry today because I should be cleaning in order to prepare for the appraisal.

I'm not sure I entirely trust the number on the scale.

Have made a decision not to participate in any more Fitbit challenges this week or next.  Then I will re-evaluate.

This was a stressful week at work.  If my daughter didn't have Monday off, I would be going in this weekend to open up contracts.  But since she DOES have Monday off for President's Day, she can come to my work and open the contracts for me.  There are 5 of them waiting for her...

So I am definitely going to have to start thinking about how I'm going to maintain a work/life balance this season, because this seems very early on to be having to come in on weekends.  Nevermind that my boss took 3 days off this week and 3 of my other co-workers either didn't come in at all or left early on Friday, leaving me and one other co-worker who doesn't answer the phones.

Progress as of today: 43.5 lbs lost so far, only 2.5 lbs to go!

Donkey - Wednesday Feb 15, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 146.0

Random thoughts for a midweek log-in:

Am I becoming too obsessed with the number on the scale?

Just realized that I've been sober since July 2016.  WOW!

Today was a hungry day, and probably not because I was actually hungry, but rather because of the stress at work and overall fatigue.  NOT GOOD.

After this week, I'm going to take a break from Fitbit challenges with co-workers.  There's one guy that gets so many steps that it's not even fun or motivating.  He's always 20,000 steps ahead of me, and then I'm usually 10,000 steps ahead of everyone else.  I don't want to win, but I want a competitor that pushes me to do more.  Nobody in these challenges is doing that.  And so it's just added stress -- and more numbers to obsess about.

House is getting appraised on Monday.  Please wish us luck.  Major cleaning over the weekend.

New gym has opened up down the block from me.  Too far to walk but a nice bike ride.  Wish I could afford to belong to a gym.  I might go check it out just to see what the terms would be... *sigh*



Progress as of today: 40.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/15/2017:
Good luck on house! Might be a new member discount at gym. Check it out.

innerpeace on 02/16/2017:
I was thinking the same thing. I am going to lock my scale up and only let it out once a month.

Good luck on your house appraisal.

Horn_of_plenty on 02/17/2017:
Congrats on breaking away from using alcohol. There's nothing good to it, and it's def had a positive effect on your weight. Way to go! That's a reason i hardly drink.

I do understand your need to break away from the fitbit challenge and i would have prob done the same at this point. yeah, no need to keep on when you got what you wanted out of it. Take the break. I always like mixing things up...when it's always the same, it's boring.

You never know, maybe the gym is in your future. Especially if you were to be committed to go..

Donkey - Saturday Feb 11, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 146.0

As I prepared to step on the scale this morning, I started to think:  What if this is it?  This might be the number I'm meant to be at.  Again, still hoping to see 145.0 on the scale, I was somewhat pleased to see that I am back down to 146.0 again but it's not the 145 that I was hoping for.  Isn't that silly?  It's really all the same thing, but just seeing that 5 on the scale would be great...

One thing I changed this week was having a protein shake in the morning, after my morning exercise, rather than a carb breakfast.  I still have my container of oatmeal at the office, just in case I felt that the shake wasn't enough to hold me until lunch, but I haven't touched it this past week.  I'll stay on the protein shake until I've used up the whole (big) container and then re-evaluate.

Weight training did not happen this week, mostly because it is not yet an established habit with me, and this week was just too stressful.  I canceled the "fashion intervention makeover" with my co-worker this week as well, and she was actually fine with that too.  We're supposed to go (resale) shopping this coming up Thursday.

So my husband is trying to lose weight.  Last night I made a take-and-bake pizza for the kids, and the Mr. had beef for dinner.  I had a slice of pizza and raw vegetables to go with it.  That's pretty much been my approach to meals (except breakfast) thus far:  regular meals with more vegetable options so that I eat more vegetables and less other stuff.

BUT now we're faced with making menu changes for my husband -- to lose weight (low carb) and also to reduce his inflammation (gluten-free).  I don't know that he'll be able to do either plan 100% all the way, but right now, for where he's at, any modification in either direction will help, I believe -- we have to start somewhere.  Anyway, I have some anti-inflammatory cookbooks waiting for me at the library to pick up today to learn more.  (Going to the library is one of my greatest pleasures in life.)

I read somewhere that 80% of weight loss is what you eat (20% on exercising).  It is my hope and belief that by modifying my diet to be more compatable with my husband's, that will help me get my numbers down into the 130's, which is where I ultimately want to be and maintain.

Progress as of today: 40.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/11/2017:
Yes, we are slaves to the scale!

Donkey on 02/12/2017:
I don't want to be a slave to the scale! Do you think I'm being too obsessive about numbers? I tend to be very OCD, so it's a slippery slope.

Maybe I should only weigh in once a month... Hmm...


jayhawkjen on 02/12/2017:
Ah, the scale. I am a nurse and last week I weighed someone who was quite thin and I said her weight and she said, "I don't have a scale at home." And I thought... wow. She doesn't even think about her weight. What is that even like? I would have a lot more mental space and freedom if I could say the same!

Donkey on 02/12/2017:
I'm wondering if the closer I get to goal, the more focused (i.e. edging on obsessing) I get about the numbers. More "food" for thought...

PS Nurses are so cool!

Horn_of_plenty on 02/13/2017:
LIsten - if you want to see 145 on scale, you WILL see it. just keep going. don't give up. Don't give in. Love yourself and the process. No, it's not silly. I understand.

Protein def helps me with hugner and cravings. On the days I eat more carbs at work, i get hungry so much faster. But lately, it's all I want (higher carbs). I am just giving in lately ... it's still healthy, just higher carb - like my cooked cranberries with peanut butter on a wrap. light on the protein, but def not as satisfying as when i have cream cheese on a wrap with turkey pepperoni - that's higher fat and protein and more satisfying.

Your approach for reg meals with more veggies is the same approach i use. It works for me. I can say, 100%, this will (as long as it remains in my control) my way of eating for life. this has been the only way for me to eat large quantities and not gain loads of weight.

as far as your hubby, please remember something that you had to learn also and so did i - LITTLE CHANGES little at a time...your hubby will have a very hard time making all changes at once. So, maybe you do NOT have to make all these changes for him at once...if he were to just eat more veggies and less of the other stuff - JUST LIKE YOU DO! - he CAN lose weight...and this i am sure will help with inflammation.

veggies are amazing. perhaps your husband is open to learning this.

Donkey - Tuesday Feb 07, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 146.5

A midweek post from Donkey, but I just HAD to share:

So Mr. Donkey and I went to the orthopedic surgeon today to get a consultation about hip replacement surgery.  I think my husband thought he'd get the go-ahead and be scheduled for surgery.

Doctor walks in and says, "Lose 50-60 pounds and come back and see me.  Then we'll do the surgery. It will be easier on me, it will be a whole lot easier on you."

OK that's not the only thing the doctor said, but fellow DD's, I have been telling my husband to lose weight for YEARS.  I know what it feels like to carry a baby in the 9th month and how difficult everything -- sleep, sit, walk, stand -- becomes... and that's what my husband has been doing for the last 5 years or so, and then complains about how much pain he's in.  HELLO!!

So I think he might do it --  or at least try.  Well... maybe.  My husband uses food for everything:  enjoyment, pain management, depression, you name it.  It's his drug of choice :-(

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/07/2017:
Great! Hope this motivates him enough to do something. And it will be great for his healthy all around.

Donkey on 02/11/2017:
Amen!!! He seems to be very motivated to get the hip replacement.

Horn_of_plenty on 02/08/2017:
This is good....i think the weight loss will help with his pain like you said. He can still eat but has to change the types of things he eats - YOU KNOW HOW. maybe you can help him. if he wants your help...

have a wonderful day.

thank you for the mid-week update D-J!

Donkey on 02/11/2017:
I want to update more often!!

innerpeace on 02/08/2017:
My DH has been in knee pain for over a year now. He had orthoscopic knee surgery last February, but it didn't help so now he is getting partial knee replacement. He had to have his sugar under control before the surgeon would schedule his surgery. We have cut out tons of sweets and just now received the go ahead to schedule his knee replacement. The doctor said he would heal faster if the sugar was under control.

I hope your Mr. Donkey can find an exercise that isn't too painful that will assist in weight loss besides just watching what he eats. I'm sure every little bit of weight loss will help. Good luck.

Donkey on 02/11/2017:
Thank you -- I think that even if he just walked a little bit more, it would help. The thing with arthritis is that you have to keep moving through the pain, because not moving just makes it worse.

Donkey - Sunday Feb 05, 2017
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 146.5

Well, at least the numbers are headed back in the right direction...  I was so hoping to see 145, but that didn't happen. 

It was a crazy week, but I am happy (?) to announce that I won the "Workweek Hustle" Fitbit challenge at work.  I have a co-worker who really pushes me to exercise more (because of his numbers).  Unfortunately he had a death in the family this week, so he didn't go to the gym for a couple of days. Otherwise he would have totally won the challenge.  But that's what I need is someone whose own performance challenges me to step up my game.  Too bad it's only cardio...

So a couple of major things that happened this week:

After submitting our paperwork to one lender, I found out that we really don't qualify for any refinancing programs that will solve our problem.  So now we are back to working with our current lienholder (bank) to find a solution.  This sucks becasue we've already tried that once and the guy basically told me that our house isn't worth anything, so give me all of your savings and we'll charge you an insane interest rate for a new loan that basically keeps us right where we are now - except with higher mortgage payments.  No thanks.  Why would I give you all of my money, just so that you can charge me a bunch of more money AND you can take what little money we have to save a house that you're telling me is worthless?

  • So we're still trying to work with our bank, but now with a different person.  I predict that this new person's "solution" will be just as painful.  Except that now we'll be out of time and obligated to accept whatever they try to shove down our throats.

Secondly, fed up with the medical treatment he's been getting, my husband decided to see a new rheumatologist for his Ankylosing Spondylitis.  I went with him.  I think we were both relieved that she was very frank in saying, You're not going to get any better.  You are beyond the point of trying to slow down the AS, regression is now out of the picture, no more biologics (Humara, Embrel, etc. - which are VERY expensive and such a hassle to get approved by the insurance company), now we're in a new phase of the disease, which is more symptom & pain management, rather than active treatment.

  • We have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon on Tuesday to discuss a double hip replacement for him. 
  • Then he got mad at me when I asked him if this could be delayed until Fall, when the real estate season has slowed down a little bit.  I understand that he wants to stop working and go on disability, but you know, somebody has to work and bring in some money!!! >:-[ 
  • I mentioned, though, that he might not even be at the point yet where joint replacement is called for.  I don't know.

So I am taking Tuesday afternoon off to go with him to THAT doctor's appointment -- I have tons of questions if we're going with the surgery -- and then to my own doctor's appointment with the eye doctor.  My daughter has an appointment too, because her eyes have been bothering her a lot, with strain and headaches.

Of course, this means that I will fall behind at work in emails, deadlines and opening up time-senstive contracts.  Great, just freakin' great.

So it will be a very difficult week ahead...

Progress as of today: 40 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 02/05/2017:
Looking at your progress bar you are doing amazingly well!!

Congrats on winning the Fitbit challenge!! Hope you can work out a good rate for refinancing. Seems like everybody's house has declined in value. :(

innerpeace on 02/06/2017:
Housing and financing all sucks. I hope you have a solution that is beneficial to all. Great job on your fit bit challenge win!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 02/06/2017:
Some def challenging things going on for you. Please continue to think as you have been which is MUCH more positive and proactive. I think that if your husband didn't have these unfortunate health complications that your family would be better off...i am sorry that he and you have to experience hardship like his...but...you do good. You are a good worker in general. Never give up or give in. You are too smart and too special a person so do not give up on your health and keep doing the good work all around with your health, eating, activity and positive actions like with your house and husband.

Also, a big congrats to winning the work challenge! that's awesome! It means that fitness is pretty important to you!

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