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Donkey - Sunday Mar 20, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Stayed up a bit late again - not good for me - and then didn't want to get up this morning.  Both are completely mental hurdles - or perhaps I should say "mental slumps".

Yesterday was my eating-relax day, and I would say that happened.  It's a good thing we didn't have cake or cookies in the house, because I probably would have had a food fit, I'm sorry to say.  As it was though, I just had a higher calorie count than I normally would have allowed.

I went to the gym yesterday to use the elliptical, which I did, but I did not use any of the weight machines.  Just not feeling it.  So I did upper body weights at home, and that's OK.  I think I may do the same thing today with lower body weights tonight.

I'd also like to take a longer walk outside, today, in my neighborhood.  I'll save treadmill walking for later this week, when we are expected to have rain (and cold) 2-3 days straight.

I have a call planned with my mom today.

I have some bills to pay and checks to deposit.  I've set those aside so that they get taken care of today.

I'll be working on Baby Kitty's butt today, LOL.  Honestly, this stuff doesn't bother me.  So we'll start with a nice warm bath (helps relax the colon) and perhaps a water enema, and a lower body massage. 

I'm not sure I'm ready for yoga yet.  Because it's one-on-one, it's a rather personal experience, and I haven't told my teacher yet about my Son.  I'm not sure I'm up for the mental part of a yoga class.  I know that the stretching would be good -- all of this has really manifested itself in my muscles and joints.  Also, I'm still trying to get back into the swing of things at work - still having problems focusing - and I feel like maybe the last thing I need is pressure to wrap things up quickly so that I can rush home for dinner and yoga.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/20/2022:
Well...I guess if you are going to stay up late...at least it was the weekend....after last weekends time change I think most people are still a little mixed up sleep wise. We had the rain yesterday but bright and sunny today....you must have sidewalks or paved streets? We have mud...LOL....looking forward to that drying up.

You sure do put in the work for baby kitty.....Does she fight the bath?

I would say that focusing will take a while....and be gentle with yourself regarding that......you will know when the time is right.

Donkey on 03/21/2022:
Yes, we have sidewalks and asphalt park trails, and I do realize that I'm fortunate in that, when it comes to the Spring Thaw.

Baby Kitty protests the bath by meowing very loudly, but she does not fight it so much. She relaxes in the warm water quickly.


horn_of_plenty on 03/20/2022:
i left a few comments below..just a reminder in case you missed them.

Donkey on 03/21/2022:
I'm glad you posted this here, because I don't always go back to older entries. Thanks for your comments :-)


Maria7 on 03/20/2022:
Try not to be so hard on yourself...give yourself all the time you need to heal...I am still healing, too...We are doing the best we can. That is all we can do. Hugs! Maria

Donkey on 03/21/2022:
I will have to, because I feel that if I push too hard, it will only backfire on me. Thank you for sharing some of your mourning with me, because I find it helpful -- and comforting, which I hope that doesn't sound too weird. That might not be the correct wording to express what I'm trying to say. Please do not take offense.


horn_of_plenty on 03/21/2022:
past few weeks i've been also pushing back a bit on weights and exercises...listening to body somewhat; i guess. i mention it as you said you just did elliptical, no weights..

lately, i have more days between weights exercises too. haven't lost strength yet or i'm already regaining, as i'm making sure when i do work out, that it is a meaningful one...but soon i'll need to head back to 3x a week instaed of 2...

isn't it great we can deposit checks on our phone apps? i assume that's what you may have done, because it's Sunday and banks are usually closed..

yes, take it one thing at a time; no need to add everything back into your life at once xo.



Donkey - Saturday Mar 19, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

A very late entry today!  I went with Daughter to a 5K race that she signed up for months ago.  She was supposed to run it with a co-worker, who ended up getting sick.  Daughter wasn't sure if she'd run it it at all, since the weather is really, really crummy here today.  But I got a text from her (LOL) at 6:30am saying she was going to run it if I wanted to come with.  I had slept in, so I got up and got ready in a hurry and went with her to cheer her on.

When we got home, Husband was already up and then life kind of took over.  But now everyone but me is sleeping/napping, so I am writing here today.

Even in the rush of getting ready today, I did weigh in.  I'm surprised.  I'm really surprised.  My body really likes this number, 139, with no change.  

I may or may not go to the gym soon, after I finish here.  IDK I need to get steps in, and it's very cold, rainy, slushy out, so going to the gym would help with the step-count.

Baby Kitty is backed up again (constipated).  We cannot keep shelling out money every month or so for enemas at the vet.  I don't know if I could handle having to put down a cat, on top of all the other sadness we're living with right now.  I mean, in the big picture, I know it's "just a cat" but ... well, it would still be very difficult.

Work was hilarious yesterday.  I was trying to think of tactful ways that I could ask New Guy if he'd like me to call our Qualified Candidate.  Turns out, Male Co-Worker was thinking the same thing!  And Mistakes Girl even offered already to do so!  But it didn't matter because QC has an interview on Tuesday.  New Guy's concern is that she might not be fluent "enough" in Spanish, but if you ask me, I think we are beyond that point.  

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/19/2022:
Sounds fun cheering your daughter on...How long did it take her to run it?

YEAHHHH....No wt gain!!! Good for you.....staying there is just fine.

That is sad about baby kitty.....is there anything you could feed her to prevent that? I'm thinking a little bit of butter daily...or olive oil?

Donkey on 03/20/2022:
She ran it - with no training - just under 40 minutes. If she had had the time and willingness to train, I know she could have gotten a better time. The course was unexpectedly hilly and, with the poor weather, it was quite challenging.

In a way, Baby Kitty's problems are a diversion from grief, so we're all quite involved with trying to get this kitty to poop. We've changed her diet, she gets a stool softener 2x a week. I think we need to up the stool softener and start doing enemas if she misses a day of pooping.

Donkey on 03/20/2022:
And yes, right now, it's OK that the weight stay the same. It's OK.


horn_of_plenty on 03/20/2022:
that's great daughter did race, i didn't even know she jogged! that's nice you went to support her! she will be happy you did.

i cannot believe you are getting such bad weather still :(

i do agree, you'd think your boss would be trying to get anyone at this point....it's so crazy to think that so many people need jobs, yet it is so hard to get someone working at your company! funny how it works out like that, always!

Donkey on 03/20/2022:
The uncertainty of the weather is very typical for Illinois. We will vacillate between cold and warm/nice for the next few months, and then probably switch to blazin' hot for the summer. I don't even think about putting away my long heavy winter coat until the end of May.

She can jog/run, but she doesn't really keep up with it. Her current position is so active, working in the warehouse, that going to work is a workout in itself.


horn_of_plenty on 03/20/2022:
re your comment back to me re my entry yesterday; your comments helped, i just need to keep my mind away from the negativity and also no need to re-hash it too much as the negative thoughts / confusion isn't something that i need to keep reminding myself about bc it's over things mostly that are not going to change or i do not care enough to change OR i have made bad decisions recently of my own that caused the negative situations to happen and i am not adult enough to want to change it...so i need to live with it...sorry it's not detailed; the content is a bit too much to write about (but i am OK!!!!!!) thank you. sorry so confusing. thank you for your time on my entry, you know it's appreciated very much. i'm just trying to write that i had some upset feelings due to both my own poor decisions as well as someone else...and i guess i had to face the consequences. can't just blame it on myself or someone else...it's just a mix.


horn_of_plenty on 03/20/2022:
i semi follow a younger lady on facebook not now but in the past, she also works in a warehouse and works out...extremely fit because of that....yes, i can see working in a warehouse is a workout. :)



Donkey - Friday Mar 18, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Feeling very anxious today, so I will do my best to get through today.

We finally received an experienced applicant to interview to replace Mistakes Girl.  Instead of handling it himself, he gave the resume to New Guy, who seems very hesitant to reach out to this lady.  OMG if we lose this one due to not acting quick enough, I am going to be majorly pissed off.  What is WRONG with the Boss that he won't work any more???

As I mentioned in a comment to Bear, I am a little hesitant to weigh in this weekend.  Oh I know that I need to be kinder and gentler with myself -- that is exactly what I would say to me if I were counseling myself.  But boy oh boy, I do NOT want to have to deal with taking off 10 pounds again.  I am truly hoping that I am still in the 130's.  It seems to me that once I get into the 140's, it's harder to lose weight.

I hope that makes sense.  I'm not being down on myself, but just saying how I feel.  If it turns out that I'm back in the 140's, then so be it. I won't quit, but IDK I may need to step away from the scale a litlte bit. 

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/18/2022:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. This is what came to my mind when I read about your feeling anxious, which we all do, sometimes. Just do what you can at work and try not to be a perfectionist (I know I was). Sounds like they might need to hire 2 instead of 1. As for weight...I am up 2 pounds, myself. Not happy about that, but not gonna let it get me down, either. I'll get it off. Just so much going on these days. Hubby got a splinter in his eye yesterday and I took him to the eye doctor and they got it out. Now, I am fixing to leave to drive upstate to check on Daughter, who is injured from one of the horses she takes care of...she said it knocked her over and hurt her back. Take care of yourself. Take 'time outs' to relax.

Donkey on 03/19/2022:
I hope your daughter is OK! I'm not a horse person, but Nice Lady is. She's been bumped by one or 2 horses in her time. Even her gentle giant - meant no harm but is so big that she was hurtin' for a week or so.

Well, I have to say, it HAS been very helpful to know that I am not the only one who sees this change in the Boss. He has not prepared himself for retirement.


bearcountrygg on 03/18/2022:
Had to rewrite this because of a typo I made...it might have been funny if it wasn't so crude....added an extra s when I shouldn't have mistakenly.....I'm surprised that they run the office so loosely....I'm with you...they should have gotten back with the experienced candidate. If you aren't comfy weighing in then don't do it....you are the boss!!! We usually feel it ( clothes) so just do what you want for another week and then consider a weigh in. If you are back into the 140's then you can work on it when you are ready.....no time line for that.

Donkey on 03/19/2022:
LOL, that's funny about the typo.

I will write more about stuff you have commented on in today's (Saturday's) entry.



Donkey - Thursday Mar 17, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

When Mistakes Girl returned to work after the loss of her baby, I told her that if she ever needed a place to forget about the sorrows of the world and focus on things that are completely unimportant in life, the law firm was the place to be.   Little did I know that I would be needing my own advice a year later, but I was right.

Oh my goodness, work is so busy right now.  And it was super busy for me, because I was so lost with all of the files.  There were 2-3 that I never got a chance to look at because I just didn't have time.  It did not help that we had no internet for about 2 hours so that the modem could be replaced to upgrade to 5G.

Around noon, I just started feeling like I was under a huge wave (grief, anxiety, exhaustion) that was about to come crashing down on me, so I tried to wrap things up and go for a walk.  It took about 30 minutes more before I could actually get outside to walk, but it really helped.  And unfortunately, I stayed about 30 minutes late too, which I REALLY did not want to do.  I'm hoping that today will be easier.

I'm not sure if I really want to endure another busy real estate season.


Eating was good, but I could have done better, to drop some of the fluff I have developed.  I know I've gained weight because when I had to try to find clothes that fit for the memorial service, the slim fit pants that I loved to wear no longer fit properly (a little too tight). So this is a head's up to me that my summer wardrobe (pants, capris) might be too tight without some extra effort.

But like I said yesterday, right now my main focus is to just return to "normal" eating after all that eating out and comfort eating.  Looking back, I could have avoided having 2nd helpings of taco meat (beef) and didn't have to have those frozen banana slices after my evening bike ride.  If I were trying to lose weight, I would have definitely refrained from the extra meat.  The frozen banana might have been OK. 

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 03/17/2022:
will read your entry later, but yes, i am aware that your eating at work is different than mine in terms of stress eating whereas my stress eating is most often only at home..

Donkey on 03/18/2022:
Well, to be open and honest about it, I do have stress eating issues at home, too. Not all the time, but I do, as I'm sure everyone here is all too familiar with my after-dinner food fits in the past.

An interesting thought though, that I've never thought about the comparison between home vs. work stress-eating. Hmm...


horn_of_plenty on 03/17/2022:
and so i understand that being at work is not providing the same eating reinforcement for you as me xoxo.


bearcountrygg on 03/17/2022:
You made the walk work for you...good job!

Donkey on 03/18/2022:
What I've learned in the past year or so is that the midday walk has become ESSENTIAL, even under better circumstances. I just get to a point where I need to step away from everything and get outside.

I remember the one day very clearly a few years ago, when Queen Bee literally, did not get up from her desk ALL DAY except to use the bathroom. It was shocking to me to sit ALL day like that.

In fact, sitting all day was one of the reasons why the person we had hoped to hire didn't work out. She was used to being on her feet all day, and just couldn't handle sitting in front of a computer all day.



Donkey - Wednesday Mar 16, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Well, today I go back to work - or at least try to.  I think I will be busy trying to get my bearings and catch up, but if I can leave early, today I think I will.  However, I can't set my expectations on that, and in fact, I must take care not to push myself too hard today.  It's hard to come in cold turkey to files, to find out where we're at in every transaction. I know that the "spring rush" has already started but hopefully there aren't too many new files.  (And hopefully Queen Bee didn't leave things in too much of a state of disarray.)

Also, I guess the newest lady, hired to replace Mistakes Girl, has already quit.  No surprise there, but that's very unfortunate.  We were really counting on this person (the wife of New Guy's best friend) to be the solution to our staffing problem.  So see - some things never change.  But I've changed. 

I'm back to protein oatmeal for breakfast. It seemed to be the easiest thing to do.  Daughter commented to me yesterday that I have a very strong sense of routine & structure to my time.  I guess I never thought about it -- at least not in a positive way, but I think she makes a good point.  Whether I work or don't work, I structure my day productively.  She is rather unproductive when she is not at work.  Why get up if there's no reason to?  I figure that she just needs to rest (which is true) on her day off, physically & mentally.  The "need" to exercise gets me out of bed most of the time.

I did well with eating yesterday, trying to get back on track.  First I want to get off of the comfort eating roller coaster I've been on for the past 2 weeks.  So first just get back to better eating.  Then I can start looking at either losing weight, protein packing, carb cutting, whatever.  I'm not focused on dieting right now, but rather just returning to a more balanced, healthier food intake.

Today is supposed to be the first absolutely *beautiful* day, and I'm already looking forward to my lunchtime walk.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/16/2022:
Hope your day at work goes well.......what a bummer that the new girl has already quit. I agree...I think you do really like a routine....and there is nothing wrong with that.....routines take a lot of planning out of the picture and that is a time saver. Do you buy a protein cereal or make your own?

Donkey on 03/17/2022:
I make my own protein oatmeal, which is basically, just plain ol' oatmeal with a scoop of vanilla protein powder and water. I could add more protein if I prepared it with milk, but that adds more calories, and I prefer oatmeal made with water.


horn_of_plenty on 03/16/2022:
I'm wishing you a positive day back to work. the time went so quickly...

I guess this new job wasn't up the New Guy's friend's wife's alley. your place of work does sound quite challenging and busy...and maybe the type of work as well wasn't what she was looking for. you never know.

you def have a good stucture to your lifestyle. i think as i've grown as an adult, i yearn for more and more structure as from experience i have seen how fast the days pass; and how in the blink of an eye, if you let those days pass, it is easy to get nothing done at all - unless you work to plan it in.....

your daughter may change as she gets older...i had the least structure to my lifestyle in my youngest adult years and it got better over time. only time it got worse was during a change of careers back in my mid-20s when i got sorta lost, gained back all my weight, stopped exercise routine, etc. sorta got stuck.

One thing that work will provide is the constant structure. that's one thing that has mostly always helped me in weight / calorie intake. i am good at eating mostly what i bring to work - and bringing good choices to fill me up for lunches; to help the afternoons go by.

and recently the last year especially, i have learned to enjoy small amounts of whatever treats are in the office, which is nice bc i am not buying them; they are always alternating; change of pace, easy, convenient, etc! remember, small amounts of things are reasonable. it's in large quantity that starts to pose a problem.

today is also a beautiful day here. the forecaster mentioned it..i won't be walking much, but i'll make sure to at least get out for a short amount of time. 60F here.

I also wrote you a little comment below on your previous entry bc i hadn't commented previously, so it's down there too.

Donkey on 03/17/2022:
I did read and respond. Although my response(s) yesterday were brief, they are deeply appreciated.

True enough about work providing structure, most of the time, although you know about my struggles with stress eating at work. So it's not a total solution.


horn_of_plenty on 03/16/2022:
lol i just stayed home the whole day. and it was GREAT! but i do hope you enjoyed the weather!

Donkey on 03/17/2022:
That's wonderful! And I did manage to enjoy some of the beautiful day outside.



Donkey - Tuesday Mar 15, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Thank you all for you rkind thoughts and prayers. I cannot begin to express the level of my appreciation of the love, support, friendship, & kindness.  I'm still processing the grief, and while I may write about some of it here, I also do not want it to change the essence of this diary here, especially since there are others here that are also still processing grief & loss.  I do not wish to burden anyone with additional sorrows. 

I'm glad that we went out to Montana for the memorial service.  I've had a lot of second thoughts about some of the decisions that we had to make in the middle of the shock or loss, second thoughts that started fermenting into regrets.  But going to meet my Son's team was helpful and healing.  It was nice to see and meet that part of his life that I did not have access to beforehand.  Initially, we just wanted Son home as soon as possible, but now I'm glad that we waited a little bit and went to honor his memory with his unit. The old advice of waiting 6-months to make any major decisions (usually associated with the death of a spouse) has been helpful to keep in the back of my mind.   

I've been asking myself over and over, when will I get to the other side of this grief?  I'm realizing now that it doesn't really work that way, it would seem.  The chaplain said, "Some things can't be fixed, but are carried instead" and I think that summarizes it very well.  Happy mentioned that her mother would give her hope, but now Happy has to make her own hope.  My Son was my hero, overcoming some really difficult obstacles, even as a little boy.  Honestly, he was the bravest person I knew.  And after reading Happy's entry, I see that I will need to be my own hero.  

 

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/15/2022:
I so glad that you are home and I also agree...somethings seem to end up in regrets after a loss......BUT....The healing will begin......It will be slow and I also agree...you will learn to live with the loss. You had him for 20 plus years and I know you will treasure the happy memories that you all had with him.....Your pride in his accomplishments is truly a precious thing. He worked so hard to achieve his place in the service and you can take some comfort in also working at achieving what you want to accomplish. Whatever that may be. You are one of the people who taught him that tenacity....

Donkey on 03/16/2022:
Thank you for this. Truly.


innerpeace on 03/16/2022:
My heart aches for your loss. I just cannot even imagine what you are going through, however, you are getting through it, you are still living your life, though it may seem so incomplete and pointless right now, you are still doing it! You are getting it done and you are a hero! Continued prayers for strength and comfort.

Donkey on 03/17/2022:
Thank you so much. It does feel incomplete; there's a piece missing. So putting things back together seems a little more difficult, at least right now.

I really do appreciate the prayers :-)


horn_of_plenty on 03/16/2022:
your loss was very recent and you will not burden us if you need a place to talk it out; or looking for comfort.

Being your own hero is indeed a good approach and way to step thru life at this point. If i could also relate, you make me say it for myself, that i choose to be my own hero also at this point in life...(maybe not for everything, but for more aspects of life as we learn and grow-always).

Donkey on 03/17/2022:
Thank you...



Donkey - Saturday Mar 12, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Hard to believe that after last night's depression eating, that I weighed in at the same number.  Cheez-Its and chocolate.  (Oh, and some peanut butter - just remembered.)  Not only was I up all night feeling like a furnace, but this morning I woke up feeling inflamed all over, but especially on my right side, the hip/knee/foot (arch). As I mentioned to Maria, it's not bad enough to be hurting on the inside. I made sure I was hurting on the outside, too.  Yes, I did.

And I had a plan for last night, after dinner, for myself, so that I would keep busy, but I didn't want to be busy. 


Went to the gym yesterday and did the elliptical and lower body weights.  No hot tub or anything extra like that.  In fact, towards the end of weights, I just wanted to come home and hide.  However, I do plan to go again today, to do the elliptical.  Sunday and Monday will be mostly sedentary, and I want to be very tired tonight so that I can fall asleep reasonably early.  I plan to walk on the treadmill at home, to finish up the episode of Downton Abbey I'm currently in the middle of.  (That was supposed to be last nights "keeping busy" but I was just done with the day.)  I wish it were just a tad warmer out, so that I could walk outside.  It won't start to warm up until tomorrow, when I'm gone. (Figures, doesn't it...)  Sleepytime Tea for sure, tonight.


We are flying out to Montana very early tomorrow morning.  I think we are leaving the house before 6am.  Plus, tonight we turn the clocks an hour ahead.  So not only am I already losing an hour of sleep but then I have to get up much earlier than usual (and much much earlier than I have since I haven't been going into work).  It is dificult to post from my phone, so I may not write here until Tuesday, but I do plan to read your entries.

Well, I won't have much to pack, but I think the hotel has a hot tub, and if so, I plan to use it Sunday night. 

PS I thought I'd mention it here, but Tuesday night is the "Side Hustle" webinar that was previously canceled.  I think it will help to have that to come back to, to do, but if I don't feel like it, then I don't have to do it.  

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/12/2022:
Oh, no! Not the clocks (we have a dozen) turn ahead! Ugh! Could be worse (turning them back). Why can't they leave it as is??????? Honey, I will be praying for you while you are gone to your Son's Memorial Service in Montana. I know others here on DD will, also. We all love you and send BIG HUGS to you and to your family. Love you!!! Will be thinking of you! Did you get my email addy yesterday before I deleted it later yesterday? I put in in your comments. Anyone else would like it, all they have to do is let me know. I just don't leave it up too long, is all. Cheezits and chocolate are my weaknesses...lately I ate a BIG BOX of the Extra Big Cheezits in 2 days...for real...took some doing to get that off...mainly working it off. Do whatever you can to distract yourself from your grief. I am doing likewise over here. It's hard, I know. I grieve every day. Take good care of yourself. Love, Maria


bearcountrygg on 03/12/2022:
We will be praying for you and your family as you make this trip tomorrow. Sending love and hugs. Hopefully you do get to use the hot tub and relax a little. ((HUGS))


Jacky82020 on 03/12/2022:
Xtra special hugs and love to our Dear Donkey


horn_of_plenty on 03/13/2022:
Re Friday's entry, i'm also glad you made it to the gym! The gym hot tub must be soooo relaxing. Nice perk to being a gym member! That's nice the older man says hello to gym members,going out of his way to be hospitable. i think people like that are wonderful :) i'm glad you could handle it well - you are doing ok, Donkey!

also great your hubby is doing his exercises. have a good day :)...


horn_of_plenty on 03/13/2022:
When you fly out and are out, maybe there'll be some good food choices to make; although i KNOW that's not the point of this whole event. but try to eat well for yourself, you have to love yourself and take care of yourself too. you really do! as time goes by, i think your eating will get better...especially as warm weather approaches and you can walk more, be more active.

I wish you a safe flight early today to Montana. I wish you courage and warm thoughts on the memorial? funeral? service for your son with many people around. you can do it.

if you get a chance for hot tub, why not. if hubby can handle it, maybe invitte him - but i know the hot tub can have very strong effects on the body; it once made me very sick as a kid after staying in too long...so, who knows ;)

hot tubs are so relaxing...

warm thoughts go out to you, like Jacky says, Our Dear Donkey!


Maria7 on 03/13/2022:
Praying for you today, Donkey. Hugs to you and lots of love.


KathyBlue on 03/14/2022:
sorry about my lack of comments...now taking some time to catch up... :-( I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Hugs and lots of love from me, too, in these hard times.


horn_of_plenty on 03/14/2022:
Hope you are doing alright...

by the way, my father still regrets decisions he made regarding his mother's care. she past away in her 90's. it is so sad to see that he cannot think of his mom with happy thoughts, rather blame himself for things still. so my nephew prob never hears about his great grandmother, bc my dad still can't bear to think / talk about her. horrible. i tried to tell my dad she'd want you to be happy...and she passed away in her 90's and my dad still regrets things just unbelievable. he wouldn't listen to me to try to understand he's wasting his energies being negative about it. hardly related to you and your family, but not a way to live life after the passing of someone dear.


legcramps on 03/14/2022:
Safe travels Donkey, take care.


innerpeace on 03/14/2022:
Thinking of you dear Donkey - and passing all of God's blessings along for safe travels. Take care of you.


bearcountrygg on 03/15/2022:
Hoping that you made it back home okay. I think about you daily. ((HUGS))



Donkey - Friday Mar 11, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

I suppose I should say that I'm proud of myself for going to the gym yesterday and being able to handle it.  Suffice it to say I surprised myself.  It seemed insurmountable, but I did it.  And I think - that's right, I'm not exactly sure - that I'm glad I did it.

I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical, did a few upper body weight machines -- the ones I like to do.  Didn't do anything I didn't like to do.  Didn't try anything new.  I still hadn't reached 10,000 daily steps so I walked on the treadmill for about 10 minutes.  That STILL didn't do it, but close enough.  Being the middle of the day, I figured I still had time to pick up enough steps to meet this goal (and I did).  Then I went to soak in the hot tub - something I hadn't done in AGES - and came home.

I was able to "lose myself" in the exercising, but when I was soaking in the hot tub, there was an old man (white hair) who works there, maintaining the pool area, it seemed to me.  There were no more than 4 people in the whole pool/spa area, and yet he went up to just about all of us to talk.  Oh Lordy...  If you remember me saying before, the nice thing about the gym is that while familiar, nobody really knows me, so I don't have to talk to anybody.

So anyway, this old guy comes up to me, I'm sitting in the water, and makes some small talk about the temperature of the water, how relaxing it is, enjoy, etc., and I was able to handle it well, I think.  I don't want you to think that I would have blown up at this guy or be mean - no, no no, not at all.  But I'm so glad that I was able to respond normally, with light talk, and even "laugh" (ha ha) a little bit.  I appreciate him trying to be hospitable and cheerful.  I really do.

Eating is still not the shining example.  I'm feeling a little fluffier, and I can see in the mirror that I am not as lean as I had been a couple of weeks ago, but this is on the back-burner for now.  Especially with traveling this weekend, for the memorial service, eating will be a little chaotic for a little while longer.

I relate to what Inner Peace said, about trying but slipping, and then avoiding measurements because why on earth would i want to see my failings and short comings in empirical data, flashing on a screen?  But I do plan to weigh in tomorrow, because I know that, for myself, I can't make changes if I continue to deny that they need to be made.

I need to log off now, so that my Husband can sign on for his Move! (weight-loss) meeting today.  I'm so proud of him for going through the 16-week class again.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 03/11/2022:
Wishing you and your Hubby a good day. We are busy over here, doing some work outside. Take care.


bearcountrygg on 03/11/2022:
You handled the gym very well.......and I'm happy that it was a success.


horn_of_plenty on 03/11/2022:
sorry about my lack of comments...now taking some time at work for a break and to catch up...

re Tues/Wednesday's entry: yes, i do agree 100% just to take the time you need off work; but not make a rash decision to leave work. I am also a person who gets very sick of breakfasts after awhile...and they start to leave me unsatisfied due to boredom/getting used to them. i hear you on that!


horn_of_plenty on 03/11/2022:
also re those entries, you have to do for you; not just what hubby wants. he prob is happy to have you home...wants to use you (in a good way) to jointly go places. but you do for you, too. and if it's too much, i do not blame you.


horn_of_plenty on 03/11/2022:
re yesterday, all you need is an egg or so in the small wrap. maybe add a slice cheese for more fat/protein mix. it can be toasted up nice/melted cheese.

also, the longer you stay away from things; the harder it can be to get back into them.

however still, its good for you to take your time and do what you want; including relax. I stand by my statements of doing what makes you feel better; not just what your hubby wants ONLY.

Your son would def want to see you doing what makes you happy, no doubt. remember it is important to heal or continue to heal.

some people remain broken and i do not want this to happen to you - there is no reason for you to suffer always. so remember to think about him with love; and slowly get back into life as you can...being involved and having things to do is also good for you mind.

will try to comment on today's entry tonight.


horn_of_plenty on 03/11/2022:
i didn't read your entry above just yet.



Donkey - Thursday Mar 10, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Tried having eggs and a tortilla wrap this morning for breakfast.  The change was good.  I'm not sure how the eggs would hold me at work. 

I'm going to try to go to the gym today.  I don't really want to.  This may sound strange, but I'm having problems doing things I used to do.  Honestly, nobody at the gym knows me, so it's not like I would be confronted with anyone that I'd have a conversation with, or anything else on a personal level, like that.  OMG, I can't even begin to think about going back to work.   But I know it won't get any easier; life goes on, and so must I. I'd rather not, but we don't always get to do what we want to do. 

I feel that going to the gym would be a good place to start "getting back" to the world of the living.  It's familiar, but not personal.  IDK... I've always seen the gym as a "happy place" with people working on themselves, upbeat music, bright lights.  It's exercise - a celebration of the body.  IDK.  I feel like I'm the only one here (at my house) that feels like this.  I guess we all have our own ways.

 

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/10/2022:
Sounds like eggs in a wrap would make a breakfast option for you...I like those too. Could you add cheese for more protein?...aveggies are always another.

I don't think it is strange at all that you are having problems doing what you used to do...I think it is very normal. You are correct...everybody handles things differently.

The gym probably would be a good place to start when you are ready.

Work I'm sure will be a different thing. Is work pushing you to go back? If they are that is very selfish of coworkers.....if not then they are honoring you need for time to deal with things right now.......and you deserve time to do that. ((HUGS)).....We continue to pray for you and your family.

Donkey on 03/11/2022:
Work is not pushing me to go back to work, but I'm on paid leave, and I feel like I can't take advantage of that for much longer. It seems overwhelming right now, still.

I had a chance to talk to Daughter last night, to see how it really was for her to go back to work. Nothing she said surprised me, but it was very helpful to hear that even someone as mellow as her found herself being short and impatient with people. These are definitely not my strong suits, so I would have to be even more careful when speaking to people at work.


Maria7 on 03/10/2022:
You'll make it. Just be kind to yourself. Grief takes a lot of time. I am still grieving over my Mama.

Donkey on 03/11/2022:
(((hugs))) I can't even imagine ever getting to the "other side" of this.


Jacky82020 on 03/10/2022:
The gym sounds good. Give it a try and leave if it’s not working.

I’ve been eating tortilla for the first time in years. Putting cheese and chipotle sauce in mine. Love the Taco Bell chipotle sauce, but very high in calories, so found a low cal copy cat recipe online. Mostly reduced fat sour cream, lime juice & powdered chipotle chili pepper. Ok, but fatty sauce better! Compromises, compromises, compromises!

I agree with Bear re work.

Donkey on 03/11/2022:
Chipotle sauce is high in calories??? Ugh... I don't think I would have guessed that. :-(


innerpeace on 03/10/2022:
The gym does help relieve stress though, I hope you decide to go, just to see.

Donkey on 03/11/2022:
I did, and I will write about it today. It was... interesting.



Donkey - Wednesday Mar 09, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Yesterday was not a good eating day, but I kind of knew that it wouldn't be an ideal day anyway.  I've had my fill of movie popcorn and milk chocolate.  I'm ready to move forward on a better path today.

My Husband keeps wanting to do things; I would rather stay home.  He says he'll be alright on his own when I go back to work.  It probaby helps that Daughter is usually home until noon (sometimes later, if it's her day off), even if she is sleeping or getting ready for work.  Anyway, I guess we might go to a couple of plant stores today.  I'm finding plants to be very comforting right now - even looking at pictures of them, lol. I guess I'm eager for Spring and green to return.

I found out that the gym has chair yoga classes on Thursday mornings.  Under other circumstances, I would probably want to do this with him tomorow.  I'm not sure I want to go back to the gym, to do anything, right now.  

I am realizing that my protein oatmeal breakfast isn't working for me any more.  I am ready for a change, but I'm not sure what the next switch will be.  Maybe I will switch to an egg breakfast, like Bear.  I can't have just eggs though, so what to have with them would be a question.  Vegan meat substitute?  Some kind of bread?  Partial, but real potato?  I'm not sure.  But it's funny how you can really tell when something is no longer working for you.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/09/2022:
Follow your heart....it will let you know when you are ready to do things.....Plants right now feel right...then plants it will be. There is something so calming about planting. Are you vegetarian? I didn't know that. Maybe egg salad would be good for breakfast...in the past when I wanted a breakfast with a little more flavor that was good. Spring is surely welcome now...I think we have all had enough of snow and ice. The clocks get turned back this weekend....That is a good sign that daylight is changing. I think potato would be a really good addition to eggs....I may have to try that myself.

Donkey on 03/10/2022:
I'm not vegetarian, but meat products sound too much for my tummy in the morning. I'm going to have to rethink this. Today I had a high fiber, low carb wrap (70 calories) with my 3 eggs. That should be 340 calories. Might have been 430 though... and it's later in the morning that I had this, so it's easier to stomach than at 6:30a-7am in the morning.

I forgot about the potato option.

The last weather forecast I saw had you guys getting another snow, maybe over the weekend? Who knows... the added daylight really helps.


bearcountrygg on 03/09/2022:
We like omelettes.......A omelette or some spinach or peppers or tomatoes, salsa are all good with omelettes. At a restaurant I remember D ordering a western omelette and it had potatoes in it.....

Donkey on 03/10/2022:
Interesting -- no, I didn't mean mixing the potato in with the eggs. I can't recall ever having an omelet with potato in it. That's a thought.


horn_of_plenty on 03/10/2022:
wrote you back below; will need to comment here tonight or so.

Donkey on 03/10/2022:
OK :-)



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