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Donkey - Wednesday Oct 17, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Exercise: 35 min elliptical + 42 min running; Weight training: None, push-ups and or crunches maybe later; Calories: 1660

Two running days that sucked. No motivation to get out there. Could not build up speed. I think I need a break from it, but honestly I am not running that much! So today was a short run at 3.65 miles.

I have other things weighing heavily on my mind and spirit and it's sapping all the energy out of me. I'm frustrated at my inability to work yet the need and desire for a little extra money is ever-present. Also, I haven't talked about this yet, but next week on Tuesday, my Husband is going to get his GI system scoped. So on Monday, he starts purging and fasting. Get this: He IS allowed to eat ice cream the day before surgery. So I get to sit and watch him eat all the ice cream and sherbert he wants. Of course, what goes in will come right out and that is most unpleasant (i know because I had this procedure done myself last year).

And the whole time he is in surgery I will be worrying about my kids coming home to an empty house (and behaving and being ok) until we can come back home. Ugh.... It will be a bad day all around I think. Thankfully it's not a running day LOL!

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/17/2007:
awwwww. would it be really difficult to not think sooo negatively about Monday? Perhaps talk to your kids about it. Maybe have them plan to be somewhere else that day. Have them go over to a friend's house? Or maybe ask someone to "watch your house" while your kids are also there (instead of babysitting, since they're too old) if you really do have concerns about not being home.

Your advice was good yesterday. I feel as though I must continue to count calories. I had tried not doing so at the begninning of the year, but it backfired! :(

fritters on 10/17/2007:
You are doing a really good job getting in your exercise. I hope all goes well with your husbands trip to the G.I.

workingit2 on 10/17/2007:
I bet your exercise funk is short lived and you'll be enjoying it again in no time! Good luck with the GI procedure, mom had that done last year and I remember her saying it was awful. We are all falling apart!

mylifechanges on 10/18/2007:
i agree with you that when other issues are on your mind, it's easy to lose your energy to those things. i'm sure you'll have a better run later in the week. perhaps try to put all of your stress into your run to pound it out? and I agree with HOP's advice- see if your kids can go home with friends after school or something? they're usually anxious to hang out with friends anyway, and it would be a good excuse to keep them out of the house!!

hollybelle on 10/18/2007:
I get so bored with the same type of exercise all the time. Would you be able to do something besides run? That may help motivation??? I know when I do anythng on a regular basis over time I find myself short on motivation. Just an idea. Bike, skip rope, stair climbing, aerobic dance or step aerobics? Any of those sound accessible or interesting - just until you get your mojo back for the running, of course.

Regarding the kids in the house on Monday - maybe they will rise to the occasion - maybe your husband could "mention" to them how much it would mean if they were to act responsibily while your all are gone......also just an idea.

legcramps on 10/18/2007:
Yup, change up that routine! There are so many options out there besides running (not that running isn't working for you, but sometimes it's good to change it up a bit).

Hope your husband does well!!

Donkey - Tuesday Oct 16, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Exercise: 65 min elliptical (steep hill) + 13 min stationary bike; Weight Training: 25 min lower body (machines); Calories: 1402

I do not know if I am feeling any thinner but I feel stronger (physically) today and not so bloated (fat). I lost a half inch on my waist and gained a half inch on my chest. I forgot to measure my thigh, but my neck measures at 12.5 inches (whatever that means).

Once again, trying to stick to my program and focus on water water water. I tried a spiced chai tea today that was very very good. The herbal teas may save me from myself now that the cooler weather is coming in. Today was nice -- went outside without a jacket -- but Friday it will turn chilly once again. Great, just in time for running outdoors.

EVENING EDIT: Not much else to say right now.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

fritters on 10/16/2007:
Congratulations on all that hard exercise - you are doing great!

workingit2 on 10/16/2007:
I heard the chi teas were really good lately...may have to check those out! Congrats on the progress!

Donkey - Monday Oct 15, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Exercise: 35 min elliptical + 62 min running; Weight training: 20 min upper body (machines); Calories: 1620

Not much to report except that changing my Day of Rest from Saturday to Sunday did NOTHING to improve my running on Monday. I was so unmotivated to run. I debated whether to run indoors or outdoors. Decided outdoors since it's a nice day. Then realized it was landscaping day. Decided to run a boring route. Just very unremarkable... And I didn't enjoy it either. Bleah.

EVENING EDIT: This was another one of those days where I felt so hungry. So I did the usual "tricks" of drinking more water, chewing gum, staying busy. This time, I drank herbal tea, per Horn of Plenty's recommendation, and that seemed to help too, although I did not make a good cup of tea. Today was a vanilla red tea, which I did not particularly care for (the vanilla part). Tomorrow I will use my old tried and true green tea.

I spent most of the afternoon carrying (lugging), trimming and tying branches that Husband trimmed from our trees in the backyard on Sunday. I did not account for this in my daily exercise, but I am sure that it burned more calories than it would have driving the kids to some activity, which is what I normally do in the afternoons. My daughter helped me, which she *loved* doing. We managed to move all of the branches from the backyard to the front. And I trimmed and tied half of the batch for brush (garbage) pick-up tomorrow. I ran out of twine, but since I did not finish the job, I have more workouts ahead of me :-)

I am feeling fat today, as I have been all weekend. I do desperately want to reach my goal weight soon. I would like to have some validation for all my hard work. If I do not reach it this week, I need to work on making a mental adjustment so I don't throw in the towel and go totally off the deep end.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

fritters on 10/15/2007:
But you did it! Good for you!!!

workingit2 on 10/15/2007:
A shame you didn't enjoy it..but you did it! =)

workingit2 on 10/15/2007:
Yardwork is great exercise, I sometimes wish I had one of my own lol.

mylifechanges on 10/16/2007:
what a fun project!! At least you got some great exercise. That has to be good work on your muscles. I still find it funny for some reason that it's cold in the states, because it's so warm here. I haven't been able to grab ahold of the concept yet. But it does help me push myself towards health when all I see are skinny bikini clad girls all day. :) Thanks for all of your encouragement, I wouldn't be able to push through all of this without it!

Donkey - Sunday Oct 14, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Exercise: NONE (Day of Rest - much needed); Weight training: Push-ups and crunches; Calories: Around 1500

After I wrote last night's entry and turned off the computer, I proceeded to overindulge in my calories. I had 2 dishes of ice cream (2 cups) and 2 Go-Gurts and another Fiber One bar. So my daily calories came out to be more like (600 + 160 + 150) 2600-2700 calories. Hmm, well, that's not so good. I thought it would be more like 2400, which would be more palatable.

So I am human and have weaknesses too. Today is a new day and a new opportunity to make healthy choices. Back on the wagon, so to speak. Thankfully today is my day of rest from any cardio, but I might try to take a walk later on to clear my mind, just to do something.

EVENING EDIT: Please pardon this edit if I sound completely insane. I feel so stuffed, yet, if you see how many calories I have eaten, I should probably only feel "comfortable" or even "slightly still hungry". Yet I feel like I"m going to explode. I would like to say that this is due to the fiber that I ate around dinner time (broccoli, both raw and steamed, watermelon, carrots). This is such an awful feeling.

I am also experiencing what may or may not be an irrational feeling that I have completely sabotaged my weight loss and that I must surely weigh close to 135 (AGAIN!) and that I've blown reaching my weight goal. I probably feel this way emotionally because I am so stuffed right now. I feel more stuffed NOW than I did last night when I had all that ice cream and go-gurt.

I'm driving myself crazy with this. At this point, I do not even want to weigh myself on Friday because I am too afraid that I will be even farther away from my goal weight (130) and that I will be crushed. Crushed enough to go on a binge? Egads, I'd like to think not, but the way I'm feeling right now, I couldn't say for sure.

I don't know what to do except to focus on drinking water (haven't been doing a good job with that) and my workouts. There's nothing else I can do at this point....

This is such an uncomfortable feeling!! It really bothers me :-(

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/14/2007:
well, i do know one thing: you will definitely have some extra energy today for your workout. Whenever I overindulge, I always have some extra stored energy the next day, as long as I don't restrict calories the day after. So, have an awesome workout. we are in fact all human! :)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/14/2007:
oh, and if you do rest, Monday's workout will be awesome as well! :)

workingit2 on 10/14/2007:
Thank you for the continued, wonderful support. I know how it feels to get ready for bed, only to find myself eating something comforting. You have so very few days that you go over! Your dedication is great!

fritters on 10/15/2007:
Sometimes, in the evening, when I really want to eat, I will sit down with a bowl of ice that I put in the food processor and sprinkled with a little chrystle lite drink mix - no calories and it takes a long time to eat. By the time I am done with it, the need to binge has usually passed.

Donkey - Saturday Oct 13, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Exercise: 65 min elliptical (single hill) + 45 min mowing the lawn; Weight training: None (push-ups and crunches later on); Calories: 2610 (after giving into cravings late at night)

I'm changing my rest day from Saturday to Sunday, this week. It will be interesting to me to see how this affects my running on Monday, assuming I will be running on Monday because they are forecasting rain, starting tonight and going into Tuesday.

Right now, I am very peeved at my spouse. A person more reluctant to move physically or get any sort of exercise never existed, so it seems. He's always like this, it's just some days it drives me nuttier than usual.

Nuttier... peanut butter... Oh I must resist. I hate having conflicts with my Husband. A total food trigger.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

Donkey - Friday Oct 12, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Exercise: 35 min elliptical (resistance 13) + 48 min running; Weight training: 30 min lower body (machines); Calories: 1745 (5 calories above limit)

Well, as you can see my weigh in was not very successful. I gained 0.5lb to bring me up to 131.0. This is not a big deal, but it would have been so nice to have reached my goal weight (or more!) this week. Sadly, it was not meant to be.

I cannot think of anything I did differently this week, except that for once, I stayed within my calorie range all week, without any overeating. And perhaps that worked against me. The other factor could the old TOM, and that may play havoc with water retention, etc.

Now that the weather is turning cooler, it is getting harder for me to drink all of my water. So far, I have managed to drink 12 glasses (cups) a day (3L) but it gets hard, and I am not doing so well today with water.

EVENING EDIT: I meant to dedicate this entry to crategrl, because I was feeling like I was going to have a number UNDER my goal weight, and yet, here I am, one pound over.

Today has been a hungry day. Just one of those days where I am feeling much hungrier than usual. I don't like days like that. I also had a lot of coffee today. Colder weather does this to me. But maybe I am more tired than I thought. I'm not sure.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

greengirl on 10/12/2007:
My money is on the water retention because you are doing everything right. You are my hero, Donkey !!! You are setting a great example for the rest of us. I am struggling with the water too, especially at weekends. At work I have a bottle with me at all times, that I continue to fill up all day, but at weekend its down to me to remember to pour a glass, and I do forget!!! Have a good weekend :o)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/12/2007:
hmm, maybe just drinking water will get rid of the 1/2 lb, like you said. continue with the exercise, you've got it all down pat!: )

shadetree on 10/13/2007:
What is it about the weather turning colder that makes us want to eat? I haven't figured that one out yet...It's not like I don't have enough padding to carry me through the winter! I've avoided the scale all week, because despite my good choices eating-wise, since it's TOM, I don't want to even see what kind of water retention I've got happening. I know that it will get back to normal this weekend, so hopefully I'll see some good numbers tomorrow...

You've been great with the exercise, and you've been keeping calories under control, so I wouldn't stress about it too much. Keep up with the water, and it'll all be good.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/13/2007:
i forgot to mention, to help you get more water in try drinking tea. there are sooo many good flavors. Licorice tea is great and usually the flavor is so nice there's no need to add anything additional. With most teas I drink, i don't add a single thing! :)

yeah, part of my issue with eating is being afraid of the future, to grow up. I agree with your analogy to a kid in a candy store. the other half of my problem is filling an empty void.

Donkey - Thursday Oct 11, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 130.5

Exercise: 65 min elliptical (gluteal #1 prog.); Weight training: 25 min upper body (machines); Calories: 1500

Weigh-in is tomorrow!

Progress as of today: 13.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!

Sandra aka Soul on 10/11/2007:
Looking good D.

greengirl on 10/11/2007:
Keep my fingers crossed for your weigh-in. Whatever the outcome you are doing great :o)

crategrl on 10/11/2007:
I love the questions and the support that you have given me. Don't you dare stop being Donkey!!!!

shadetree on 10/11/2007:
Glad the Thanksgiving dilemma seems to have resolved itself!

cutiee23 on 10/12/2007:
good luck to your weigh in!

Donkey - Wednesday Oct 10, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 130.5

Exercise: 35 min elliptical + 62 min running (5.25 mi); Weight training: 5 min core; Calories: 1465

My son was home from school today. My poor daughter, I had to send her to school because she had no temperature and her cough had improved. I still managed to go to the gym and get my run in too. I tried a new route and it was fantastic! Also, the weather here has turned *significantly* cooler, and while it was chilly starting out, it felt very good once I was running.

I found out from my mother that she was rather hinting that I would host Thanksgiving for our immediate family, but didn't want to actually come out and ask me if we could host. So today, I extended an invitation and I guess I am hosting. So my daughter will have her big family "party" and I don't have to be with my b****y aunts and grandmother. I think that is a fair deal.

Progress as of today: 13.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!

workingit2 on 10/10/2007:
Happy to read that your daughter is feeling better and hope your son feels better soon! AND that you get to host the family Thanksgiving. If my place were bigger, I'd host it every year. I love Thanksgiving!

workingit2 on 10/10/2007:
Oh yeah I know he is still using me and trying to play some kind of game....I would be VERY surprised if he did take his cat to the vet next week...I honestly think he just wants me to let her out of the room.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/10/2007:
what a GREAT deal! Thanksgiving really shouldn't be stressful when it comes down to having to spend time with family. I'm glad you'll be spending it with the positive people and not the you know what people!

I am going to keep trying :)

rae_regenbogen on 10/11/2007:
Thanks for the flex points idea. I think that this week I'll try the "old" system of banking points. That will probably help me eat more fruits/veggies too.

It sounds like you were pretty much conned into hosting your family Thanksgiving. I've told my entire family that I won't ever host Thanksgiving again. The last time I did, my brother threw a shoe at me when I changed the channel while he was sleeping. lol.

Anyway, it sounds like you're a good mother for thinking of your daughter. Good luck with the preparations!

Donkey - Tuesday Oct 09, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 130.5

Exercise: 65 min elliptical (double hill); Weight training: 20 min lower body (machines); Calories: 1525

Last night I did not have a final snack, so my calories were 1640.

My kids are home from school today with low fevers and horrible coughs. I think I might be getting sick too. Am very tired...

EVENING EDIT: I took a decongestant in the afternoon and that helped a lot. I still have less of an appetite and I don't know if that's because of sick (when things don't taste as good as they usually do) or if it's the medicine, which also doubles as an appetite suppressant.

Progress as of today: 13.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!

Sandra aka Soul on 10/09/2007:
Sorry to hear about your kids and you. Take care of yourself and get better.


jon'smom on 10/09/2007:
I hope you all start to feel better soon!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 10/09/2007:
ahhh, lovely exercise!!! keep it up and you'll be looking hot come spring! :) ugh, that sounds soo strange since spring is far away. perhaps you'll be going on a warm winter vacation? you'll look good for that!

you're right...to eat balanced throughout the day. I find that with more carbs, it helps me retain energy throughout the day. But, i realize I need the protein as well - just not a lot of it because it doesn't give me energy at all! I find it actually slows me down and doesn't make me feel good. i've realized that sometimes i'm "afraid" to have all the carbs i need and i'm slowly trying to eat more of them - hence the cheeze-its.

The peanut butter m&ms did make me feel better than usual though. I had like a 3-4 of them every period of teaching and then when i was in the lunch room i ate the rest. It was a good boost while the other kids were eating and made me feel like i wasn't denying myself anyhting. as usual, i did get pretty hungry before lunch...like 45 minutes before. But, honestly, i don't think anything will help. beceause, i have no other breaks. and, being on call from 8:20-1:55 is just a long time in general! :)

hollybelle on 10/10/2007:
Hope your illness clears up rather than gets worse. Hang in there.

rae_regenbogen on 10/10/2007:
Thanks for the comment! I'm impressed. You exercised even when you felt tired and congested! Bravo. :) I hope you feel better soon.

biscottibody59 on 10/10/2007:
Hope you get to feeling better soon! Get some rest!

Donkey - Monday Oct 08, 2007
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 130.5

Exercise: 35 min elliptical (resis. 14) + 43 min running; Weight training: 25 min upper body; Calories: 1740 if I eat everything that I logged in. Otherwise it's more like 1680. We'll see....

It was SO HARD not to reach for a very much wanted glass of wine last night. But I didn't! I told myself I was going to stop at 1530 calories and I did. I stopped.

I woke up at 4:30a this morning, right before the alarm went off, and went to the gym to get in my exercise, since the kids are off of school today. I had told myself that I didn't have to do any weight training but I was enjoying the music on my XM radio so much that I decided to do weight training before going running on the treadmill (i don't run to music because my XM Tao is too heavy so I plug my headphones into the treadmill and can listen/watch TV). And then I went running. Because I was on the treadmill, I could increase my speed and know exactly how fast I was going. So I pushed it a little bit and ran faster than I normally would if I were out on the street.

My mother is emailing me about Thanksgiving (US) plans. It is already stressing me out. My mother does not like me very much. She makes her own plans and then if I wish to join in, that's fine, but everything revolves around my brother, my step-father, my grandfather. I have no problem staying at home for Thanksgiving and just chilling out, but my Daughter gets very unhappy without a big party to-do to go to. Then I feel angry and resentful towards my daughter.

Any insight or advice or psychotherapy would be much appreciated.

EVENING EDIT: Apparently, I misunderstood what my mother wrote to me -- because she was not very clear and I believe that she does that deliberately to confuse me -- because she was rather hoping that I would "take the bait" and offer to host Thanksgiving dinner for our family (parents, sister, bro & SIL & twins, my family). I have not decided if I am up to it, but at least I don't have to put up with two-faced aunts and crazy grandparents. And I get to serve what I want.

Yes, can you imagine that? Thanksgiving at Donkey's house. "Who gets to carve the eggplant?" "Somebody please pass the Beano will ya?" We shall see. I'm going to step back, wait and see how this plays out.

Struggling to stay at the top of my recommended calorie range. Well, can ya blame me? What a Donkey Day this has been... My nerves are shot.

Progress as of today: 13.5 lbs lost so far, only 0.5 lbs to go!

Sandra aka Soul on 10/08/2007:
I have a "glass of wine" now each night, they are my cacao beans, lol. The chi machine, I will try to explain this in tomorrow's entry...too much to go into here.

Can you let your daughter go to your mother's for Thanksgiving and you stay home? Might or might not work.

shadetree on 10/08/2007:
Last year my husband and I decided we were tired of the whole hassle of it all - everyone arguing over whose house it was going to be at, who was bringing what, then you get the other family (mine, as I'd much rather be with my husband's family than my own) complaining because you aren't going to spend time with them...So we stayed home and had lasagne. completely boycotted anything traditional. It worked for us, even my son said he preferred it that way. But if he did have an issue, I suppose I'd just send him off to wherever to join in with the others.

Good job on the exercise today! Glad you could get it in early enough to spend the day with the kids!

workingit2 on 10/08/2007:
Seriously, you are my idol with all that exercise. As far as the family thing...I WISH i knew how to handle family. If I ever discover the trick to it, I'll let you know! lol

biscottibody59 on 10/09/2007:
Not really enough info to comment in a detailed way, but I will say that if your daughter has a good relationship with your mom and they enjoy each other's company (despite the fact that you may not have any of that), don't stand in the way of her spending as much time as possible with her grandmother.

And I'm not one of those who thinks we should force ourselves to spend time with people we can't stand--even for one Thanksgiving Day, even for the sake of "family" and "keeping the peace," etc--if you don't want to do it--don't. If you're going to complain and be bitter every step of the way--it's not worth it. At least I wouldn't think it would be. Pack up the kids and volunteer at a Thanksgiving dinner for the homeless and have what you want for dinner when you get home. On the other hand, if you can put all those negative feelings aside and enjoy the whole process--go for it!

I've found that when you set ground rules, people either respect them AND you and move on with a relationship with you or not (including FAMILY). I'm 48 and I just don't have the stomach for crap like I used to. And I still have some long-term friends who totally understand me--haha--so I must be living my life right to some degree:-) I also have a very long-term friend who totally became an ex-friend and I can't tell you how much resentment I have for the time I invested in that "friendship." I am great friends with others in her family. Go figure!

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