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Donkey - Saturday Jan 21, 2012

Weight: 170.0

Today was weigh-in day -- I weigh in once a month when I volunteer at the legal clinic. My philosophy is that since I see these people only once a month, they will be sure to notice any weight I've lost.

Of course, with only 2.5 pounds lost, nobody noticed today -- ha ha -- but I was glad to get the 2 pounds OFF that I had added back ON after a week of stress eating.  I want to look forward to being in the 160's at next weigh-in.

I started classes this past week.  I hope that this semester is less depressing than last semester.  Last semester I cried every night.  Seriously.  This was situational and not depression, although the situation was very depressing, if that makes sense.  I leave work early 2 of the 3 days that I am there so that I can get to class on time.  Monday night will be the first test of my nerves because I go from the law firm directly to school and don't get home until 10:30p.  So I am away from home from 8am-10:30p.  I don't like that.

I was very heartened to receive a phone call today from the teacher of the ESL class I have been volunteering with.  I like her a lot and I think she likes me; we work well together, that is.  But she understands that I am busy with my schooling, so she asked me if I would be able to help with her classes this semester.  I told her that I did not receive any sign-up sheets so I guess I was out of the volunteer program.

Let me tell you, it really hurts when you are REJECTED from VOLUNTEERING. 

The teacher told me, though, that I was already signed up for Wednesdays.  Well, I cannot make it Wednesdays, but I could make it Thursdays.  So even though I had chalked it up to "God's Will" when I thought I was rejected, I am happy to be re-included and agreed to help out.  Do I have the time to do this?  Not really, but I figure if I am more disciplined with my time, spending LESS time on Facebook, I should be fine.  The problem is that now I'm addicted to Words With Friends, thanks to Alec Baldwin.

Anyway, being busy keeps me away from the refrigerator, hopefully, and keeps my spirits up >>> very important for weight loss.

Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/22/2012:
yup, in regards to being busy, it keeps me generally happier and out of the fridge too. however, working the OT is lately just getting my exhausted by the weekend. so i'm not sure that working so many extra hours in one place is healthy...but volunteering and doing other short-term and more "giving back" types of things is sure to help you and most people feel good and stay occupied, out of the fridge. i'm glad you get to do that...and speaking of fun activites, I will be judging some music students on Saturdays during the month of March and maybe a Saturday in May. I'll be doing this all day on those Saturdays,but it's a project i've given myself. similiar to your volunteering but we do actually get paid which is awesome! the activity overall is very rewarding and will be good for my wellbeing.

Maria7 on 01/22/2012:
Congrats on your lower number. :-) Happy for ya!

WII on 01/25/2012:
Congratulations! See what not giving up does for you?! Awesome work!!

glycrina on 02/02/2012:
Hey Donkey -- I must have missed you when you came back. It is good to see you back. It's funny how when I read your posts I think "I am exactly like that!" -- like the whole thing about getting rejected from volunteering -- I would have felt the same way but it turns out they did want you! and who wouldn't? Congrats on the loss!

thinnside40 on 02/28/2012:
I have read a few of your latest entries and will say that I can hear so much more positive from you.... I am happy for you & hoping things continue to have a positive outlook as well ;o)

Donkey - Thursday Jan 19, 2012

Weight: 172.0

I have not given up!

I've been trying to get a handle on the stress eating, and I think it's been working a little bit.  Probably relying on that evening glass of wine (or 2) a little too much though.  So that's the next thing to cut out, and more water is the thing to bring in. 

I will weigh in this Saturday.  I volunteer at a legal clinic that meets once a month on a Saturday.  This Saturday is Legal Clinic Saturday.  Since I see these people only once a month, I thought it would be cool to monitor my progress that way.  But with the recent rise in stress eating last week, I don't think I will have lost any weight.

Classes have started.  I think I will be OK.  If nothing else, it gets me out of the law firm early.  On the other hand, there's less time to get work done at the firm.  It's always a double-edged sword...  They are forecasting a snow storm tomorrow all day, so I anticipate that my 1 hour commute home will be extended to around 2 hours.  Isn't that a joy to look forward to?

I've been having problems with my foot with plantar fasciitis again.  This is even WITHOUT being active :-(  I wish I could keep this in the forefront of my thoughts before I reach for something to eat.  The extra weight I'm carrying around cannot be good for my poor foot.  

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 37 lbs to go!

Kati on 01/19/2012:
The other day me and man had an evening glass of egg licor, and it tasted so delicious. There's a certain fun in having a glass of something classy in the evening. :-) I wouldn't be able to get used to it though. It remembers me of Dallas, how the Ewings started/ended the day with a glass of whiskey and most of them turned alcoholic... LOL

grannyannie on 01/19/2012:
I had plantar fasciitis last year and year before. Not fun! I got rid of all my shoes with no support and stopped walking around the house w/o supportive shoes on. Feet are fine now and I'm back to walking around in socks.

As long as you don't give up, that's what matters. Have a great day.

grumpy on 01/19/2012:
Chin up and let's do this. I know exactly how it feels and I was very discouraged. But you girls keep pushing me forward!

supercheese on 01/19/2012:
We all start at a high! Keep it going!

hollybelle on 01/19/2012:
I have been discouraged, too, but feeling better. You can do this and I hear it in your post when you say it seems to be working a little bit. Also - I tend to agree with annie - I can no longer go barefoot around the house, etc. - must have support under my feet at all times. I have even put old athletic shoe inserts in my slippers!!

greengirl on 01/19/2012:
Hey Donkey, sorry to hear about the plantar fasciitis. I suffered with it a couple of years ago and it can be damn painful. Hope you get some relief soon.

WII on 01/20/2012:
Have a great weekend!

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 10, 2012

Weight: 172.0

I do not expect a good weigh-in.  I am amazed how quickly the stress eating has come back with a vengence.  The mindless nibbling to cope with anxiety....  Not good, not good.

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 37 lbs to go!

Kati on 01/11/2012:
stress eating sux :(

supercheese on 01/11/2012:
everytime u want to eat something because of stress, grab a drink instead. like a diet coke or water. that works for me!

Umpqua on 01/11/2012:
Good advice from supercheese - also, St. John's Wort helps me destress, I have it in capsule and tea form for those super tough days.

h82bfat on 01/11/2012:
Curses stress eating! Oneof my downfalls as well. Hang in there! I was so mad at my "friend" yesterday, I found myself with a piece of OPENED Laffy Taffy in my hands & I didn't even remember picking it up.....

grumpy on 01/11/2012:
Donkey, I am back too, but private for now. But it's nice to read about you ladies. I was thinking it's funny that your current weight is my goal weight. :) Keep your chin up, girl. Love, grumpy!

WII on 01/12/2012:
I know all about stress eating! It does more to underpin us than anything. Saying prayers for ya!

moogy on 01/12/2012:
Anxiety is a sure fire trigger for eating the stuff that we know will satisfy the little monster inside. However, feeding him will not help the weigh in go any easier:) I am sorry about the snow, growing up in England I know about snow, digging in out, trying to get to school in it. Snow is lovely for holidays as is hot weather. I hope you have a better day donkey:)

Donkey - Sunday Jan 08, 2012

Weight: 172.0

My weigh-in day is Saturday morning.  I did not lose any weight this week, BUT....

Friday night I came home from work and was so tired and stressed.  My husband was upstairs having a bad day -- didn't even see him.  He didn't come down to meet me and then he went to bed about an hour after I came home.  And I was very hungry.

So I had a larger dinner, but it was very very salty.  I think these two items combined, plus the fact that I weighed myself after having 2 cups of coffee and toast for breakfast, led up to the bad weigh-in.

This week is a more "normal" week as it is a full work week, so I can space out my 3 work days M/W/F instead of Tu/Th/Fr.  Those consecutive days zap out my energy for sure.  Now they want me to come in on Saturday OR Sunday mornings to do misc. work on the foreclosure files???  I don't know if I can justify that with a 2 hour round trip commute....  PLUS, with classes starting in 1.5 weeks.....  But the extra money sure would be nice.

But all of this is an example of why I am working at losing weight this year:  Because stress will always been there.

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 37 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/08/2012:
I usually weigh BEFORE coffee and breakfast...much more encouraging! :-D Hope you are having a good day today.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2012:
lol...i also weight BEFORE always or I skip weighing in. I weigh in about once every 1-2 weeks. :-) and usually i only weigh-in when i feel like i've lost! lol.

i hope that you are feeling better than you did on friday, after this weekend! wishing you the best, always!

biscottibody59 on 01/09/2012:
Hope you have a good week! Yep to the stress--but we're only human!

liza36 on 01/10/2012:
Have a good week.

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 04, 2012

Weight: 172.0

I didn't get the job.

Needless to say, I was disappointed.  I was so looking forward to a short, local commute.  And more independence and responsibility.  I have to think that this was for the best, for whatever reasons it worked out this way. 

I was very upset last night, though.  Not so much that I didn't get the job, but more so because the interviewer told me (on the voice mail message she left me) that she felt that I belonged at a large firm.  I really resented that.  And I think that just proves that she either wasn't listening to me or didn't understand me at all, because I've already done the "large law firm downtown Chicago" thing and I'm done with that.

But this was my first major "diet test" of the year.  This exemplifies my purpose for "starting over" and trying again.  I could not keep putting off trying to get back to a healthier life --- or remain at the point where I continued to GAIN weight -- as a response to the stressors in my life.  If it's not school and tests, it will be the internship/commute, or the learning a new job with new responsibilities, or whatever.  

Believe me, after listening to that voice mail, and then sitting down to dinner (probably not the smartest choice of order to do things), I wanted to eat seconds and thirds of dinner, topped off by an ice cream dessert.  And I ain't talking about no Skinny Cow dessert either! 

But I didn't.  I had a little extra cabbage and then I called it an early night.  I'm glad I did. 

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 37 lbs to go!

h82bfat on 01/04/2012:
Sorry to hear about the job. I hear what you're saying - the not listening part - I left a job over 3 years ago to be with my family (marriage on the rocks, dghtr getting an attitude) & now I only want to work part-time, Yet, on the rare occasions I hear back from anyone, they think I'd be better suited as such & such, which is me full-time... it's like, I don't want to be "in charge", I don't want that stress, etc - that's why I applied for the part-time position!! Anywho....I'm very impressed with your dinner restraint. Sounds like your head is in the right place & THAT is 50% of "the battle". You go girl!

V on 01/04/2012:
That is kinda lame that she did all of this via phone message, that really lacks professionalism :( I am sure you will find a more suitable place to work, never let this get you down! Have a good day Donkey :)

~WI~ on 01/05/2012:
Congratulations on the weight loss...and I don't think I'd want to work for someone like her who thinks so little of someone that they hide behind a voice mail. The Lord will provide :)

Donkey - Sunday Jan 01, 2012

Weight: 172.0

I had a good day today, a great way to start off the new year...  Mostly drank more water and watched what I ate.  The wind was just wickedly cold here today; I  had to cancel my gym membership for financial reasons last year.  But I'm OK with starting off with small steps.

Tonight my husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary by going out to dinner.  Our anniversary was a few days ago, but this was the best day to really have time to go out and enjoy ourselves.  Unfortunately, I spent most of the evening talking about my job dilemma.  I'm glad I did though because I felt better afterwards, like we were on the same page.  I realize that I have more questions to ask if I am indeed offered the job.  And if I'm not then I will be content with where I am at right now.

"Things that must be done are best done cheerfully."

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 37 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/01/2012:
Happy anniversary to you and your Hubby! :-D (I also commented a little while ago to your entry below.) Hope you have a good evening. :-)

Umpqua on 01/02/2012:
We went out to dinner last night too :) I hope you have a great week!

h82bfat on 01/02/2012:
Thanks for your support! You guessed right - she didn't go yesterday or today! I too find myself back at my start weight (minus one whole pound) - However, I'm looking at it as: This time I'm SERIOUS, so I'm starting from scratch so I can see what kinda "damage" I can do to the scale and my pants size when I'm TRULY focused!! Are ya with me!

greengirl on 01/02/2012:
Good way to start the year. Start as you mean to go on !! I must drink more water this year too!

starfish on 01/02/2012:
Happy New Year and Happy Anniversary :-)

Donkey - Saturday Dec 31, 2011

Weight: 172.0

Most disappointed but not surprised with my weigh-in today.  I knew that it was going to be bad by the way my clothes were fitting on me.  Frankly, with the holiday, I did not do much to continue the direction of the scale.  Actually I'm OK with this in respects that it brings me (almost) to my Start Weight, and if this is going to be my journey in 2012 then at least I'm starting at the very beginning (minus 1/2 poumd).

It has not been a good week.  It has been very stressful.  And this is the time where I should be relaxing and recharing in between semesters.

I had a job interview this week, and it went well.  I would say that I think I am going to be offered the position.  The problem is that it is with a lawyer who is just starting to grow her practice.  I currently work part-time at a small law firm, but they are well established.  They have a solid base, more benefits, etc.  The problem is that I'm not very happy there.  I really need to sit down and write out a list of pros and cons and then pray on the matter. 

The details are not important.  It's been stressful trying to decide which is the path for me.  I think I would be happier in the new position, but then, maybe not, as it could end up being just as stressful as the job I'm at now.  I have to be careful that I am not changing jobs because I am afraid.

Progress as of today: 0.5 lbs lost so far, only 37 lbs to go!

greengirl on 12/31/2011:
It's an important decision so it's bound to be stressful. You have got the right idea that you need to weigh up the pros and cons of each position and choose the best one for you, Donkey. You are the only one who can decide that. I wish you good luck with all your choices in 2012 !

V on 12/31/2011:
Man tough decision, but i am sure you will pick the more suitable one :) Happy New Year!!

biscottibody59 on 01/01/2012:
Good luck and Happy New Year!

Maria7 on 01/01/2012:
I will be praying for you to make the right decision as well. Happy new year to you. :-)

Donkey - Wednesday Dec 28, 2011

Weight: 170.0

Donkey is making a comeback! :-)

LOL, OK, it's been a tough year, which by the looks of the scale, you can probably see that.  Most of the stress-eating has come from being in school.  This is an excuse, because it didn't have to be that way, but that's how I chose to deal with the stress, and I'm owning that.  There have been ups and downs this year besides, but the main constant seems to be a couple of really tough semesters and an internship that feels like I've been thrown into the deep end of the water. 

I started trying to get back on track about 2 weeks ago, and it worked, but the the holidays came so I've indulged again.  I came to the point where I realized there was gonna be stress all my life -- probably constant, since I've chosen a stressful career to jump into -- and that stress could not become a permanent reason for being overweight forever. 

It's very uncomfortable for me, physically, to be this overweight.  However, psychologically and emotionally, I like it.  Maybe I even love it.  Which is quite a switch for me, because I used to judge my self-worth on what I weighed.  I'm thinking it's another step forward in the positive journey of self-acceptance.

Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!

Donkey on 12/28/2011:
Thank you all for your well-wishes back! I've missed this site. I've missed caring about life. I'm hoping to utilize this site to chart my progress (?), hold myself accountable, and get the wonderful support I've found here in the past.

~WI~ on 12/28/2011:
Welcome back!!

Kati on 12/28/2011:
You're BACK!!!!!!!!!!! :o) i'm so happy you're back!!! :o) I am KathyBlue ya know :) and I am in the middle of a U-turn (hopefully) on the road of my weight-loss journey... yes, I'm struggling with binge-eating, compulsive eating after a difficult back surgery. I'm 22 pounds heavier as of July, maybe I can blame 4 pounds on the 12 screws and 2 titanium bars I have built-in in my body... well, I'm looking forward to read you on a daily basis! :)

Umpqua on 12/28/2011:
Welcome back and I look forward to seeing more entries!

Maria7 on 12/30/2011:
Glad you are back! Yayyyy! :-)

Donkey - Monday Dec 26, 2011

Weight: 170.0

Progress as of today: 2.5 lbs lost so far, only 35 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/26/2011:
hey donkey! I commented below, take a look! welcome back!

V on 12/27/2011:
Welcome Back!!! :)

Maria7 on 12/27/2011:
Welcome back. :-)

greengirl on 12/27/2011:
Hi Donkey, I have been wondering if we would see a post from you, and thinking about old DD friends. Hope to hear from you again in the New Year and I hope 2012 is a good one for you !

biscottibody59 on 12/28/2011:
Is you is or is you isn't back:-) Have a safe and cheery new year!

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 04, 2011

Weight: 159.0

I took a sneak peek at the scale this morning, and I can see that the holiday bloat (water weight) is gone.  Now it's time to buckle down and get the actual WEIGHT off.

People.com (People magazine online) has an interview with Drew Carey about his weight loss journey.  It's very short, but he spoke briefly about not obsessing about the number that he weighs but making permanent changes to his lifestyle.  I know that he does a strict low-carb diet but he has diabetes so maybe he needs to do that.  But what he said about not focusing on the numbers is exactly how I'm looking at my journey now too.

I want to thank everyone who stopped by to welcome me "home" after a long hiatus.  I can't tell you how encouraging and inspiring it is to know that there are people here that care, who are willing to forgive (me) and accept me for who I am. 

I recently came to the revelation that a LOT of my depression over the past couple of years, stemming from a legal incident involving a motor vehicle accident, is not because I think that I am a bad person who doesn't belong in society.  No, most of the depression is a manifestation of my disappointment in my fellow neighbor and human being, in their quickness to judge and condemn, rather than to seek it within themselves to forgive.  Now I know what Jesus meant by saying that it's easier to ask a dead man to walk than it is for people to forgive one another.

I see now (thanks to an episode of the Sopranos) that "good" and "bad" are really the same thing, and not polar opposites.  That is to say, that we all have good and bad (yes) within us, and that we are not "good people" or "bad people" (contrary to what my neighbors think) but part of a flawed humanity.

What the heck does this have to do with losing weight?  Well, a lot of it, for me, is about forgiving oneself.  Not so much absolution but rather acceptance.  So think about that when you "slip up" or binge.  And another part that has to do with diet is that the concept of no "bad" or "good" foods, but rather, a tasty array of cuisine that exists in the world and that we have to learn to co-exist with and accept within ourselves.

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 24 lbs to go!

legcramps on 01/04/2011:
Oh, I hear 'ya girl. I have moments where I think to myself "really? really? is this really what people are like?".

I like how you compared good and bad between people and food. How imaginative! As soon as I read "tasty array of cuisine" I imagined a plate of the most colorful combinations of foods; made my lower lip tremble a bit, it did.

Have a great day today Donkey!

V on 01/04/2011:
Amen! have a great day!

loveray on 01/04/2011:
i love this entry and so glad you are back with us!!

chidogs on 01/04/2011:
Wise words, thank you. And a new way to see things. I agree with you, as I've gotten older I have noticed a lot of that in people. Take care!

liza36 on 01/04/2011:
As V says, Amen! It's good to see you back, and wish you all the success this year!

moogy on 01/04/2011:
Ah! I see that you are getting wisdom. Good for you. Forgiving other people for real hurtful things is one of the hardest things we have to do. We have to do it for ourselves not for them. It is tough work and I am so pleased that you have worked out that all of us have the capability to be both 'good' and 'bad'. Interesting that we can use spiritual teachings as a window into other areas of our lives, like food. Have a great day.

biscottibody59 on 02/13/2011:
. . . was here:-)

shadetree on 03/20/2011:
Glad to see you're still out there Donkey. (Saw you wishing Biscotti a happy birthday) You helped me a lot when I was on DD the first go around, sorry that you've been having some problems. Hope you are doing okay!

loveray on 03/20/2011:
i hope things are okay with you. we miss you!

biscottibody59 on 03/20/2011:
Thanks for the BD greeting--hope you'll start posting wherever you are right now! Take good care of yourself Donkey!

greengirl on 03/21/2011:
Hey Donkey, nice to see you are still around here Too :-0)

greengirl on 07/11/2011:
Hi Donkey, I hope you are still hanging in there somewhere out in the ether !! It would be lovely to hear from you :-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/26/2011:
hi donkey! welcome back!!! I also loved reading this entry. I think it is one of the best and most insightful entries regarding people, humanity, culture, forgiveness, forgiving ourselves. You said it well and the points you highlight are so true. The way you are perceiving others and the world is dead-on. Don't let anyone knock you down, because you have a solid grounding & view of what is decent, what is humane.

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