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Donkey - Saturday May 15, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

I replied to comments on yesterday's entries - thank you!

Good morning!  Oh how nice it is to be at HOME!!!!  I'm loggin in late today, because I've already been very productive here at home:

  • Slept in a little later - ahhhh, so nice!
  • Longer morning bike ride on my indoor recumbent -- broke it up in 4 sessions. Also very nice!
  • Filled my birdfeeders
  • Cleaned cat boxes
  • Mopped main floor & basement floor
  • Had breakfast

I'll get started on my laundry soon.  I'm not sure if I will sign up for today's virtual museum tour.  It's the Art Institute of Chicago - which I think I'd really enjoy - but I also want to visit a farmstand in a nearby town AND I want to go to the gym.  The farmstand is open only 11a-4p. However, I might be able to get Husband to come with me to the farmstand, and it would be nice to spend some time with him.

I also have to stop by the library sometime this weekend to pick up a book I requested through the inter-library loan network.  If I don't pick it up in time, they send the book back and charge me a small fee.  If weather permits, I may work on picking up fallen branches in the backyard, cutting them up, for pick-up on Tuesday, for the lawn waste pick-up.

I know it may seem counter-productive to talk about work on my day off, BUT a couple of things that happened that I want to write about, because it's really about the work-life balance and emotional processing.

  • Rather than taking my lunch-time walk yesterday, I drove away to get gas for my car.  I mostly did this, because we were expecting 2 people to come in to have documents notarized, and frankly, I just didn't want that extra work.  I had 2 choices:  stay and do the extra work, or leave to take my lunch break.  So I left.
  • After getting gas at my preferred gas station, I decided to stop at home; Husband was having a cat problem, and I didn't want that to wait until I got home.  I think I'm going to start going home for lunch more often.  Unfortunately, it uses more gas in my tank to do this, but I think it might be worth it for my sanity.  When I get home, I get my full hour of time off. Also, with the exercise that I already do, I'm not sure I need another walk every day -- that is to say, maybe "active rest" would do me better.


  • Male Co-Worker told me yesterday that he was taking a lunch with his wife.  I told him, "How nice, why don't you make it a long one?" since the Boss was out.  He said he might.  Then he confessed to me that it was the first time EVER at this job (and he's worked at the firm for 17 years) that he didn't want to come to work.  The feeling really startled him, because when he feels this, it usually signals the end  of that job for him - either that day, or a near inevitability.  WOW.  WOW.  At least I know that I'm not the only one thinking and feeling the way I have been recently.


  • Secretly, I've told myself that I'm just waiting for Mistakes Girl to come back so that I can quit.  This thought has popped up a few times this week.  It would never play out like that, of course, but the feeling is there, REALLY there.

Anyway, I know this: 

  • I'm not alone -- it's not just me that is seeing these things at work and feeling objectionable about it.
  • The work-life balance is essential, and what has worked before is not working now.  

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/15/2021:
You had a great start to your day! It's too bad that your work place is deteriorating so quickly......The boss surely can make or break a company. If there isn't a good flow between employees is also makes it harder....I have to wonder how long they will be open......

Donkey on 05/16/2021:
I think the remainder of this year AND the month of January 2022 will determine a lot. I say January, because that's when the Boss and his wife go down to Florida for the whole month. (They've done this for YEARS, except this year, because of COVID.) This time, he is taking the longest time off at 6-weeks.

Donkey - Friday May 14, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

I responded to yesterday's comments.  Thank you!

Slept too well -- very hard to get up, so I got a very late start to my day.  Just wanted to record here that there is no more Daughter's birthday cake left.  So that war is over.  I lost.  (Ha ha ha...)

After eating the cake last night, I kind of wimped out on my 2nd leg workout. 

I dunno, it was like the whole brunt of this work drama caught up with me last night and I fell apart.

And even though we are extremely short-staffed, the Boss is leaving at around 10am? to leave for a 5 hour drive downstate Illinois to attend a distant family relation's graduation on Saturday.  So now we will be so short-staffed that everything is just going to wait or be extended until next week.  It just gets to a point where there is nothing I can do until we have more help.

I mentioned the Boss' trip to Husband last night, and his response was, "The Boss just doesn't care any more."  So why should I? 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/14/2021:
Sounds like the boss has had it....not a good sign from someone who is supposed to be running the place. You probably won't have to deal with him much longer....but who will take his place? Apparently the boss is the owner?

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
The Boss is the owner. We're a small firm. As long as he's alive, the Boss will be the owner, putting up a show that he's "working" when what he's really doing is just talking, reading the paper, talking on the phone, maybe write a couple of letters.

They're trying to get the New Guy up to speed, so that he can manage most of the Boss' files. He's got a ways to go, though.

Jacky82020 on 05/14/2021:
Just do what you have to and don’t get stressed out and work harder on behalf of others not carrying their fair load.

Are you still considering the other job? Wasn’t it Walmart?

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
Yes, still strongly considering Walmart. In fact, I can no longer vent to Husband, because the only response I get is, "WALMART!" However, I know that Walmart isn't a nirvana either.

I actually did take this advice yesterday. The new contracts just kept coming in! I think I ended up with 7 of them. I opened up the 2 purchases, and left all of the sales files for Queen Bee to open up on Monday (if she comes in).

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2021:
so, male coworker is another legal assistant in addition to you?

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
Yes - sort of. I'm the only one that has a paralegal certificate. Male Co-Worker, Nice Lady, and Mistakes Girl are all "legal assistants". The Boss is our HR person (ha ha ha ha ha ha -- he NEVER manages anything. Doesn't want to face any conflict or bad things).

Associate Attorney and New Guy are attorneys, but sometimes they have to manage their own files if the legal assistant/paralegal is out.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2021:
that is good that the boss wants his firm to continue...basically it means your job will continue....

why will associate attorney be fired possibly?

and new guy, so young, i doubt he could run the company / keep it above water without learning more first. I'd say he needs a couple years...at least you may have a job for a longer period than i thought then....you could maybe change in your role a bit also, sort of be an office manager and train a paralegal in the future, just saying...you could be a big asset to the continuation of the firm.

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
Because he's a complete disappointment. 7 years later and he still can't handle anything too complicated and relies on the decision-making of the Boss. That's not what we need. We need someone who leads and can make these difficult decisions. If the Boss is gone or incapacitated, Associate Attorney would not be able to handle the real problems.

The Boss wants someone who can make decisions when the tough ones need to be made, "if I were in the hospital or something"....

Maria7 on 05/14/2021:
Hope you are having a nice day.

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
Maria - I gotta tell you. It was a really rough day. I wasn't the only one having a rough day, so there was some small comfort in that.

And it felt really good to come home and know that I had 2 days' respite from all of that. I'll write a little more about that in today's entry.

Jacky82020 on 05/15/2021:
Well, if you left for Walmart & didn’t like it, could you return? Or take a similar job at another firm?

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
What I think I could do, if Walmart didn't work out, is offer to come back like Queen Bee does - when they're short staffed or very busy. So maybe, but it would be in a different capacity. It could very well be likely that I might not be able to come back.

Also, I have some issues that make work against me as far as employability, so... leaving ANY job is a huge risk.

Donkey on 05/15/2021:
What I think I could do, if Walmart didn't work out, is offer to come back like Queen Bee does - when they're short staffed or very busy. So maybe, but it would be in a different capacity. It could very well be likely that I might not be able to come back.

Also, I have some issues that make work against me as far as employability, so... leaving ANY job is a huge risk.

Jacky82020 on 05/15/2021:
Hmm.... Big decision. But my guess is they’d welcome back a competent employee such as yourself.

Donkey - Thursday May 13, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Still struggling with after-dinner eating.  Oh that last piece of cake was calling to me STRONG... but I was stronger.  Instead, I had a dessert/snack that was about 250 calories (I counted) and that was that.  That was much better than diving into the last of the cake --- it's a BIG piece.

We're getting through work...  Today is a Queen Bee day, which I actually appreciate because she DOES help answer the phones.  However, her lack of knowledge on how to do ANYTHING else than what she used to do is just jaw-dropping.  I stayed an hour late to do open a new file, which in theory, she should be able to do, but doesn't know how to...  I got overtime AND the file was opened correctly.  My Daughter wasn't home for dinner, and Husband wasn't feeling well and wanted to take a nap -- so no family pressure to be home early for dinner.  None tonight either, since tonight is "Boyfriend Night" for Daughter. 

I just need to not get involved with QB any more than I have to.  She's so loud and obnoxious... and she's a backstabber too.  Just gotta get through it.

I just realized that Male Co-Worker had a birthday yesterday, and NOBODY said anything about it at work.  (This is how he prefers it, I'm 100% sure.)  We are an aging firm:

  • Nice Lady - 73 yrs old
  • Boss - 72 yrs old in October
  • Male Co-Worker - 67 yrs old
  • Associate Attorney - 56 yrs old
  • Me - 51 yrs old in July
  • Queen Bee - I think she turns 50 this year.
  • New Guy - 29 or 30 I think?
  • Mistakes Girl - turned 28 this year 

I asked Male Co-Worker why he hasn't retired, and he said he can't stand the thought of being home all the time.  I said, I don't see you being home.  I see you volunteering, doing community theater, traveling, grandkids, etc.  His wife, who was forceably retired when COVID hit,  is a serious germaphobe, and with COVID, won't/can't do anything.  So he'll be with the firm for another 3 years at least, if his health can bear the stress.


My yoga teacher just proposed that perhaps we resume yoga in June.  I'm going to give that a serious consideration, in spite of the benefits I'm getting from yoga.

Also, I've thought about changing up my weight training routine.  I still want Saturday to be upper body and Sunday to be lower body at the gym, Monday to be a rest day (yoga), as well as Friday.   So that would leave Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, where I could focus more on certain body parts, rather than just upper or lower.

For example, Tuesday might become back & bicept day, rather than upper.  Wednesday could be leg day.  Thursday might become chest & tricepts.  I might try this in June, or maybe the last week of May after Mistakes Girl comes back.


Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/13/2021:
You have quite the age range at work...looks like a few will be retiring in the near future......maybe Mistakes Girl is the youngest there...that may be why they give her so much slack.....she has some learning to do.

Donkey on 05/14/2021:
Frankly, I don't think her age is an excuse for the number of mistakes that she's making.

Maria7 on 05/13/2021:
Looks like you are managing quite nicely at work...happy for you. I know it can be tough at times but you persevere. I remember the days...was quite tough for me at times, also, when I was still working. You do have quite a few of retirement age working with you. But, maybe they love working and will be able to continue for a good while longer. Lots of people do, as they are happier working or their finances require they do to maintain their standard of living they are accustomed to. You are very knowledgeable at your job. Valuable employee! Hope you are having a good evening.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2021:
i am behind on your entries, but what do you mean when you say everyone is streaming things at work? on the work computer?

personally, i do not think people can check what you do all day on a work computer unless it's emails sent, but, i will still use the ipad when it comes to do some of my personal internet stuff instead of all on the work laptop...as i write this at work on the laptop to you ha!

Donkey on 05/14/2021:
I stream news on my work computer throughout the entire day. CBSN has news all day long. I was streaming the Chauvin trial on Court TV through Plutotv.com on my work computer.

Male Co-Worker has an Alexa but also uses his work computer.

Mistakes Girl streams through her phone.

Nice Lady streams through her phone and sometimes her computer, depending on what she's listening too. Cubs baseball games during the summer.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2021:
In regards to your entry yesterday, you are young in comparison to your boss...just make sure you are thinking about what will happen in the next couple years as your boss gets even older...that and then just riding our your job.

hey, it sounds ok to me that the boss is giving some of the "work that you see as potentially yours" to someone else as a way of divvying it up? ...that would sound good to me.

yes, i do not think it would be bc he is firing you.

same as my job, where my boss isn't good at delegating work and i'm left with no work bc he is keeping it all himself to do (very un-managerial style!)

Donkey on 05/14/2021:
We have a major problem with how work is divvied up at between us legal assistants. It's been the topic of conversation at work, but Boss won't do anything about it. He's an awful manager.

Believe me, and especially with the Boss' recent demonstration of declining mental ability, I *HAVE* been thinking about my work situation in the next year or so.

horn_of_plenty on 05/14/2021:
i didn't even read this entry today from you - and now i see you listing the ages. yes, you've got an even older base at your place than i do at mine (50-60yrs is prob the most common age at my place).

i've been struggling lately with after dinner/very large dinners. at first, i was enjoying it. but i seem to have now approached binge-mode. it may be because i am not eating enough earlier in the day, except, it's also because i think dinner isn't planned out and i keep reaching for extras after.

so my goal / your goal may be / is to plan your after-dinner treats and not leave it totally up to chance. anyways, i will need to do this with my dinners as it finally got out of control with me last night as i kept reaching for more and the calories became excessive.

in terms of your 67-yr old male coworker, that's an age where anything can arise in these years. my dad is 68 and i cannot even imagine him still having to work past when he retired this past october. at that age, people start to become totally incapable (not all, some) of continuing to work....due to health, etc.

who is going to buy the firm? who will lead it after the owner cannot?

Donkey on 05/14/2021:
YES, I will do this - I will plan my after-dinner treats and STICK to it.

The law firm is owned by a corporation that will be owned by the Boss' daughter once he dies or gives it up. She is not a lawyer (she is the physical therapist who works on the 1st floor), so she can't own the law firm by law. But as the owner of the corporation, she can hire/fire/reorganize the firm as she sees fit. I'm told that one of the first things she will do is fire Associate Attorney.

I think the plan is for New Guy to purchase the firm or perhaps the corporation will hold onto it until one of the grandkids is old enough, if they decide to be lawyers. The Boss does want the firm to continue onward after he dies as his legacy.

Donkey - Wednesday May 12, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

I continue to make gains (?) in my weight training goals.  I am actually starting to really like weight training!  I'd like to see more definition in my arms and back, but in order to do that, I have to lose some of the fat I'm carrying around. 

After last night's weight training and bike session, I had a few sips of protein shake. I was going to have graham cracker(s) too, but then I realized I wasn't really hungry, I just wanted a reward.  I made sure that I had enough protein at dinner, and I did.

My work situation will improve soon.  Mistakes Girl is supposed to be coming back to work next week, Tuesday, and that will help a lot.  I realized this morning that in spite of being really stressful with all of these absences, we've done a really good job of taking care of things.

One thing that I'm noticing at work -- for several weeks months now - is that I'm being bypassed at work, for tasks.  I'm not sure if it's because people think I'm so busy, or if it's something personal or what, but the Boss usually goes to Mistakes Girls to ask her to do extra tasks.  And Male Co-Worker is handling the New Guy's files while he's gone.  I find it incredibly odd that I wouldn't be tasked with his files, since I work on purchases.  Yesterday, Male Co-Worker said, "I guess I'm learning how to do your job" and I guess he's right. 

I should take an example from Queen Bee and not do anything more than is necessary, and yes, I am quite busy enough with what I have.  I have no fear of getting fired - that's not really something my Boss does - but it is a little unnerving to see that I'm no longer the "go to" person.

Yesterday we were confronted with a mistake on a deed we prepared several months ago, which we will need to correct and pay $$ to be re-recorded.  After talking it out, we discovered that the problem came with the file was initially opened with Mistakes Girl.  My Boss' response?  "If that's the worst mistake we make, then we're doing pretty good."  WHAT????  I kid you not.

I also caught my Boss making some more cognitive errors yesterday.  One might catch up with him when the file closes in a week or 2.  The other one wasn't bad, but if you, as a tax return preparer and tax wiz, can't interpret a W2 form correctly, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate things. 

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/12/2021:
Mistakes will happen for sure.....The boss does sound like his age/or health is catching up with him. I'm sure they feel that you are plenty busy so may be trying to ease your work load where they can. It really doesn't hurt if more than one person can do any or all jobs....that gives you some back up if needed. But...I also get that it is a little unsettling that that guy said he was he was learning to do your job...they may suspect that you are considering leaving them...hopefully all in all it will come together in a way that makes the office run smoother.

Donkey on 05/13/2021:
Everyone except New Guy attorney and Mistakes Girl are much older than I am. I will write about this today. It'll be fun :-)

Jacky82020 on 05/12/2021:
How old is this boss? Is he getting ready to retire? Or cut back?

Donkey on 05/13/2021:
Boss is going to be 72 this year. We always thought he'd die at his desk when he's 90, but since he's had a heart attack 2 years ago... I'd say that was a turning point in his health.

innerpeace on 05/12/2021:
I once thought I wanted to be the go to person...but I change my mind after our conference a few weeks ago. No thank you! I have enough to do as it is.

Donkey on 05/13/2021:
You are SO right! Now I'm sitting here, saying to myself, What have I been thinking?

happy-1 on 05/13/2021:
If the pay is the same whether you are the go to person or not... "Not" is better.

happy-1 on 05/13/2021:
If the pay is the same whether you are the go to person or not... "Not" is better.

Donkey - Tuesday May 11, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Well.....  my little May experiment of not weighing in isn't going to work if I keep having nights like last night.  The problem was - as it usually is - that I didn't get enough protein.  Take that and mix it in with an extremely stressful day at work, and my stamina to "stay strong" just faded away with the sunlight... To summarize:  half of a protein shake, many sugar free licorice twists, and then a big ol' piece of Daughter's birthday cake in the freezer.  NOT GOOD.

The stress was from work.  Queen Bee did not show up today - just "couldn't make it" - and the phones were crazy and the new contracts were many.  I stayed about an hour late, so that I could start today in a better place.  I was so busy that I did not get to take my walk at lunchtime -- that's right, I basically worked through lunch, ate at my desk.  NOT GOOD.

I've come to the realization that it's not just me, but my Boss is truly sliding into a mental decline.  Nice Lady brought it up, Male Co-Worker finally agreed with me that it's getting in the way of doing efficient and correct work.  And in the legal profession, doing "correct" work is really important!  NOT GOOD!

I am starting to have concerns about Male Co-Worker too.  I'm not sure he's reading all of his emails, or the ones I forward to him.  Maybe it's just "email overload", which it definitely well could be.  Yesterday he missed an email that came in at 8am, which affected a sale closing yesterday, that will affect my purchase closing today.  My Boss got REALLY lucky that the title company saved his butt -- and that was only because they were running behind and didn't send out the wire transfer of funds.  So now this morning, the funds will go to the RIGHT place and we can close on the purchase.  Sending money to the wrong place --- THIS IS NOT GOOD, in case you didn't know that.

If this keeps up, I do not see myself working here for much more than another year.  I don't want to work for New Guy -- I just don't like the way he works.  I cannot work for Associate Attorney - at least not while Nice Lady is alive, because she is his everything and he is hers.


I cut my morning bike ride, so I'm really short on steps -- didn't even make the 10,000 mark.  BUT I had a really good upper body weight-training session.  I can make up the steps today or tonigh, and I will do other upper-body weights tonight -- mainly chest presses and back exercises.

Work should be better, too, because it's not a busy Monday, and we'll have extra help with the phones (Queen Bee is coming in today - she'd better!).  

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 05/11/2021:
Sugar free licorice treats may be increasing your hunger and sabotaging food choices… affects brain chem and hormones.

Donkey on 05/12/2021:
I think you're right. I really should toss what's left.

horn_of_plenty on 05/11/2021:
Happy is right...maybe have the sf with some real sugar. i have to do this...almost always when i have no sugar things, i have some sugar along with them.

Donkey on 05/12/2021:
Well, I did -- unfortunately, the real sugar was a big piece of cake!

I think it was just an overwhelming day that I could not cope with. There's that too.

horn_of_plenty on 05/11/2021:
but i'm more satisfied bc i'm having more food - like a seltzer with stevia AND some fruit...is a bigger portion than just a seltzer or just fruit.

horn_of_plenty on 05/11/2021:
i didn't mean to be satisfied at your weight forever (regarding your comments back to me yesterday. i mean being comfortable for a little while, before delving back into weightloss...).

you may have went to the cake bc you really wanted some sugar - both your brain and body. so, next time, have something WITH sugar to complement the licorice and protein shake. like a fruit. or a granola bar. or a cookie or two. i find a little sugar relaxes my body and mind, especially in the evening.

maybe new attorney and you will get better at possibly working together...it's always hard to learn to work with someone new...honestly, YOU are probably the MOST reliable person in terms of keeping up on emails - because you are organized. (like me, we are organized).

you do a FANTASTIC job on getting in steps. i'm so glad that i do some steps on my commute. otherwise, if i drove, i'd get no steps ever (unless i added in all my cardio).

i was able to take a walk at lunch bc i have literally hardly any work this afternoon...so weird.

seems my boss is catching up on his work and doesn't want me to help him?

i am not worried about being fired, i heard my boss literally practically snoring...he had fallen asleep before...so i think he's just catching up.

i wish he'd ask my help for something, but i am honestly not going to ask him as he seems not to be able to give me work as he's just doing his work....and i don't find him so organized to give me work as he organizes his own...

Donkey on 05/12/2021:
Well, I've been at 145 for a little over a year. I put these 10 pounds on last April during the COVID shut-down.

The way the workload is structured, I don't really work with New Guy. I would never work closely with him, because I don't speak Spanish, and his assistant needs to be able to communicate with his Spanish-speaking clients as well as his English-speaking clients.

I'm thinking of - one day - telling Associate Attorney to call me when Nice Lady can no longer work for him. Ugh...

I've had similar things happening to me at work. I'm not worried about getting fired either, but I will write more about this in my own entry.

Jacky82020 on 05/12/2021:
Sounds like an unbearably stressful work situation. Hope the situation improves. You deserve a huge raise for running that place.

Donkey on 05/12/2021:
Thank you! I just realized this morning that we've done a pretty good job of getting through this mess.

Jacky82020 on 05/12/2021:

Donkey - Monday May 10, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Trying hard to find enthusiasm for the day.  I had such a nice weekend...  who on earth would want to go back to the office?  Especially since I know today has some difficult files to deal with.  Well, either it happens or it doesn't.  Queen Bee will be there today...  At least I do not have yoga tonight, so I don't have to worry about having to leave exactly at 5pm.

I need help with my nutrition.  Last night, I was really wanting some kind of feedback or direction on eating.  Well, I realized that if I tracked my foods, I could get that feedback right away.  I tried using the tracking feature on my FitBit a few months ago, and could NOT get it to record the correct amount of rice that I was going to eat.  I just gave up from there.  I know a lot of people use My Fitness App to track their food, especially for those who are tracking "macros".  I don't like to use apps if I can avoid it.  

I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon and did lower body weights with no issues.  Came home and had a delightful dinner with my family, and then a relaxing evening.

 Well, I'd better get the day started.  Hoping for the best.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/10/2021:
Mondays are tough.....good idea to use the tracking feature to get things back in line. That is one thing I do like about WW...it reminds me to eat more veggies. Have a good day!

Donkey on 05/11/2021:
I'm going to try the tracking app Fat Secret, but some others I'll check out are Lose It and Carb Counter, although I'm not counting carbs.

horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2021:
i do agree that having a personality like mistakes girl is a nice thing for the office. i'm sorry she just makes so many mistakes. perhaps you can work on training her...maybe she can now improve, it may get her mind off her loss, to do some training now..remind her of certain things to check again. ask her to dble check like if she says she does something, ask her to review it a second time. i thinking she needs to slow down, dbl check?

sorry you gotta see QB.

you can always list your foods here, you know "HOP will comment!"

I'm really glad you ended your weekend effectively to start the week well. on that note, you are on a roll. You are in a good place, despite everything you feel.

also, your chart: you are doing a GREAT job maintaining for 6 months straight. you do not have to do much to have any decline as you are very used to your weight now, believe it or not.

perhaps, just work on maintaining your current weight, in your mind, it may put you at ease? see if you can keep your current weight for a couple more months, knowing that you basically have it done well already. see what it takes to maintain just as you are. take notes (mentally) of what can be done in the future to lose, based on your maintenance. maybe see what could work, see what works for us here, and use it later.

maybe less pressure to lose weight, as you aren't in any sort of unhealthy place.

one thing that is helpful you know i'll say is cooked veggies at mealtimes to fill up a larger portion of the plate. also, less protein at one time (half portions) if you want to save on calories - and this is something i picked up from my friend once - who gained weight a lot over a time that was stressful, but now she's on the decline (thanks to ME! as her guide!). she eats are usual meals but at dinner she does low carb, but i did that just at first with her, since the rest of her day is high carb...and because i knew she'd see an immediate drop in calories bc she was eating bowls of pasta for dinner...and i wanted to see her eat vegetables....and protein.

Donkey on 05/11/2021:
I came to the realization about a year ago that Mistakes Girl isn't trainable to improve. Believe me when I say that we've tried. We all have.

Donkey on 05/11/2021:
I just don't feel comfortable at this weight. I can feel the extra 10 pounds. I don't know. I mean I know you're right but I'm not ready to give up yet. BUT maybe this is something to really think about. Being satisfied with where I'm at, on a long-term basis...

happy-1 on 05/11/2021:
Cronometer is the gold standard for nutrition tracking.

Donkey - Sunday May 09, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms -  Kid moms and Pet moms :-)  We celebrated yesterday, and I had a very nice day.  Nothing too eventful, nice a quiet.  Went to the gym and had a nice workout.  Had nice dinner with my family.  Had a quiet, relaxing evening.  Slept for nearly 9 hours.

I'll be calling my mom sometime today.  We sent her flowers, since we can't visit in person.  My mom and I aren't really on the same wavelength (so to speak) on many things in life (never have been), but it's been a while since we've spoken on the phone.

I would like to go to the gym and do lower body weights, BUT I went to bed with a tight right hip and woke up with hip pain persisting, even though I took 2 12-hour Aleve.  While I was riding my bike, I was feeling some slight lower back spasms, so I'm not sure that I should be doing leg weights today...  I'll do some stretches when I'm done here and re-evaluate how I feel this afternoon, before making a final decision.

I went to the gym yesterday and did well with the upper body weights.  Still struggled with night-time eating.  This seems to be a consistent vulnerable time for me. I stayed strong, having 1 sheet of graham crackers (75 calories) and the last of the vanilla protein shake (30 calories?  50?).

In 2 weeks, the Disabled Veterans program is having an outdoor hike at one of the local forest preserves.  However, the Conservation District is also offering a "Beginner's Cross-Fit" excursion at a different forest preserve.  I've been toying with the idea of doing Cross Fit, to amp up my weight training goals. Obviously, though, I cannot be in 2 places at once.  I think I have to pay for the Cross-Fit excursion, so I don't want to sign up if I can't show up.  Husband really wants to try to do the Veterans hike though, and I definitely need to support him in that.  Plus it's nice to have a few activities that we can share together.  With his limitations and our different interests, there aren't many things that we do do together.  The thing is that if Husband isn't feeling well or the weather is the slightest icky (wet = slick), then either he won't go or the event will cancel.

I've been chipping away at the "cat in the library" puzzle.  It's a picture of a black cat surrounded by stacks of books.  The problem is, all that is left are all black pieces for the cat.  So now, it's a matter of analyzing by shape and size.  LOL!  I was quite pleased that I was able to find 5-7 pieces that fit, BUT I took one piece out of its place because I don't think it belonged there.  I'll spend a few minutes today, too, to see if I can make more progress.

Just trying to relax before the next workweek starts.  The Boss is leaving early on Friday, to attend a family graduation downstate.  Nice Guy will be out.  So that will leave us with just 1 attorney.  Great.


Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 05/09/2021:
Happy Mother's Day!

Yesterday sounded like a full day, i'm sure that's why you were able to sleep so well last night!

maybe stretch it our massage the body part that is tight/stressed.

the hike is what i'd do...because with crossfit there's a lot of "snatching and jumping" in my opinion and easy to injure oneself (my opinion).

i hope you'll share a photo of the end-result of the puzzle once you finish!

A little hunger, unless unbearable, shouldn't be necessary, you are right. also, veggies at meals will help. especially when you are home, if you need to feel very full (i still do). (regarding your entry below). congrats on not needing the scale.

it's too bad mistakes girl will come back...just to make more mistakes. i really think your office needs someone else...(and perhaps pay them something more...? - like a newly graduated paralegal or someone with an associates ?)

oh, i hope your keto pizza was nice! yum! you just reminded me, i can have that for dinner after work tomorrow! (i have two frozen ones in the freezer).

Donkey on 05/10/2021:
Yes, I will do the hike, not the Cross-Fit. You are right.

I looked at my step-count for Saturday and Sunday. You are right - I was busy! 35,000+ steps on Saturday and 30,000+ steps for Sunday. That's a lot for me.

I don't disagree with your comments about Mistakes Girl. She has told me that she's asked for a raise twice. She doesn't get raises because she makes so many mistakes! I don't think she realizes this. Yes, she has taken on more responsibilities, but the quality of her work has not improved, pretty much from the day she started.

There are 2 advantages to Mistakes Girl coming back:

1. Won't have to spend the time and energy to train someone new.

2. We all like her, and she DOES help keep me calm by setting a good example.

Donkey - Saturday May 08, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

It felt strange not to weigh in this morning, but letting my body settle into its proper weight is the purpose/goal for this month.  Since the beginning of May, though, I've been struggling more with hunger.  Maybe I'm more aware of it?  Maybe I'm eating less so I actually do feel hungry? It's not a strong hunger, but just a nagging hunger.   It's been so crazy this past week though that I haven't had time or energy or awareness to really sit with the hunger, feel it for what it is, embrace it, perhaps, and appreciate more what I do have in life.  AFter all, a lot of humans have to live with hunger -- and much worse hunger -- than I do, for much longer. 

I think this little hunger is a sign that I'm doing things right.  I read on a fitness FB group that to get lean(er), you need to have a calorie deficit, but that it doesn't need to be a painful experience.  That probably best describes what I've been feeling.  I hope I'm not wrong about my hunch; time will tell.

Mistakes Girl will be coming back to work in 2 weeks.  It is becoming SO obvious in our files that she was not really clearly thinking the past 1-2 months or so.  Files that she had worked on are closing, and the mistakes and omissions are causing  a lot of problems.  New Guy is on vacation in Mexico for 1.5 weeks, next week.  So no one to take of his files.  He never connected with me at the end of the day yesterday, so I have no idea where he has left off on his files.  

Anyway, what this means for me is that it's important to rest up and relax this weekend, because next week may be a real struggle.  I'm glad I took next Monday off from yoga; the last thing I need is another time commitment.

It is cool and sunny this morning, but it looks like we might get some rain this evening.  Daughter has to work tomorrow, so we're celebrating Mother's Day today.  My daughter got me some flowers and lovely, fun gifts.  Keto pizza tonight for dinner, which I will have in moderation, with a green salad.  It has been determined that we do not need any more cake in this house.

I'm hoping to get to the gym today or tonight, with an upper body weights workout.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/08/2021:
Guess she won't be training someone now?

Donkey on 05/08/2021:
Correct. Since she has said she would like to come back, and maternity leave is no longer an issue, we won't need a replacement.

Good question though. My Boss did say something to the effect of, Do we want her back? Male Co-Worker got mad at him.

Jacky82020 on 05/08/2021:
I have been experiencing the same hunger. Most unpleasant! To call it pain or not for people like us (not truly famished ppl) may be semantics, idk. But it sure does suck!

Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!

Donkey on 05/08/2021:
Thank you! Yep, just gotta push through the nagging hunger. Thank you for confirming in not alone.

Donkey - Friday May 07, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

 Well, I did well with eating last night because I was not home.  However that also means that I did not get my 2nd leg weights without either.  However,  I'm glad that our errands last night are out of the way,  so that I can enjoy a relaxing weekend. 

I was out late,  so I was up late,  and did not get much sleep. Thank goodness it's Friday. Work should be manageable.  I don't have a lot of tasks.  Associate Attorney will be out at closings all morning.  Boss and New Guy will be out at closings all afternoon. No Queen Bee.

We're celebrating Mother's Day more on Saturday,  because Daughter has the day off. I'm looking forward to working on my puzzle, going to the gym, a virtual tour of the Illinois Holocaust Museum - something I've wanted to visit in person,  but with COVID,  that has been delayed... 

Can't wait for the weekend!

NOTE:  I edited my entry to correct some grammatical error(s), but I wanted to let you know, too, if you're reading my entries, that I replied to comments to yesterday's diary entry too.  You may want to read those, too, if you like :-)

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 05/07/2021:
thanks for your advice, i wrote you back on it from yesterday and will comment here later.

Donkey on 05/07/2021:
Great! I'm just sorry my comments came so late. Seriously, it was a crazy day/evening/night yesterday.

Jacky82020 on 05/07/2021:
Congrats on doing well on the eating!

Virtual tour of museum sounds interesting.

happy-1 on 05/07/2021:
Aaaaaw. Good happy plans.

Donkey - Thursday May 06, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.0

So yesterday was a sad day.  We're all grieving about the loss of the baby.  Mistakes Girl was something like 22 weeks along, maybe 23?  Last week, when she was on bedrest, she told me that even though she was bored, it was nice to just sit and feel the baby kicking, and he kicked a LOT!  The doctors told her over the weekend, when she started having more difficulties, that if the baby could hold on for 8 more days, that it would be a viable fetus, and they could try to save it.  Anything less than that, and they would not try.  So.... what, 5 or 6 more days and the story would have been completely different.  Really heart-breaking... Little Noah, you were much loved by all of us.

My Boss was like, "When do you think she'll be able to come back?"  WHAT????  Well, I said, that most women, after giving birth, leave the hospital the next day, and "take it easy" (ha ha ha) for a few days.  So physically, Mistakes Girl might be ready to come back on Monday.  But emotionally?  Who can tell?  And this may have been so life-changing for her that she may not ever want to come back to this office, and seek her happiness elsewhere. 

  • Now this part, I did NOT say to him, but between you and me, I mean, they were asking her to hire her replacement, train her replacement, and pay her replacement $3-$6 more than what she makes now! I mean, would YOU want to come back to that truth?

Last night was cardio only - no weights.  I had a few sips of the 170 calorie vanilla protein shake that I've been working away at.  (I only keep them open for a week at the most.)  I opted not to have my "treat" of graham crackers, because I felt that I was more TIRED than actually HUNGRY.  The protein shake was sweet enough to keep my cravings still.

The past couple of nights I haven't had my "treat" and while I don't wake up hungry, I'm finding that my breakfasts aren't holding me as much.  Maybe it's the stress from work.

Speaking of which, I broke the 11th Commandment yesterday - Thou shall not eat thy Boss' food - and had a very small amount of nuts that were in the pantry.  Less than 20 nuts, so approximately 100-120 calories.  I just needed something more substantial than fruit to get through the morning.  

And oh how I was TEMPTED to continue to break more eating "rules" later on in the day --- that freezer cake calling to me --- but I stood strong and rational.  Just because I broke 1 eating "rule" doesn't give me a reason to go off the deep end.  Even the ploy of "eating out of grief" (for Mistakes Girl) did not work this time, last night.  

So major victories, I think, in the dieting world.  But each day is a battle.  I know that it could have easily been a very bad eating day yesterday, too.

Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 05/06/2021:
It's great that you were able to STOP YOURSELF!!!! You did really well...and nuts are a good source of proteins and good oils...that help keep you full....good job!! It must have been so hard for your coworker to hear that they would not even try to save the baby.....(I'm sure they know where to draw the line but it must have been so hard to hear)

Donkey on 05/07/2021:
Yesterday, I sent her a text just to let her know I was thinking of her, told her she didn't need to respond.

But she did respond, telling me that she had spent the morning making cremation arrangements for little Noah. She said it was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. I can't even imagine.

So this was weighing heavy on my heart for most of the remainder of the day...

horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2021:
regarding your comment back to me, if you are eating well all day, i still think carbs are the best recovery if choosing between carbs v protein. my opinion...do the research and you will see i have a point...it's not like you are "low on protein."

will write more later re your entry here later! also i wrote a question to you in response to your comments on my entry.

Donkey on 05/07/2021:
What I've heard - which granted, might be out of date - is that recovery from cardio is carbs, recovery from weight training is protein.

My thing is portions and calories. ALWAYS, it seems. Perhaps it was a good thing to have a mix of carbs and protein, since I always do a bike ride in the evenings, to stretch out my lower back, before any weight training. So that needs carbs.

I've recently read that one should do weights before cardio. I don't see that ever happening to me, but never say never.

horn_of_plenty on 05/06/2021:
well, boss shouldn't tell her about the paycheck/salary of her replacement...and now that she didn't have the baby, it may not be right to have her train a replacement...i honestly think YOU should train the replacement (in all honesty).

you know, grahm cracker and protein shake sounds to be a good snack after workout.

Donkey on 05/07/2021:
Now that she's not having the baby, we anticipate that she'll come back to work. So we won't be hiring a new person at this time.

My thing was, just why the heck would she want to come back to this kind of treatment? If this were me, I'd come back and then start looking for another job immediately... unless I thought I was going to try to get pregnant again, soon. Then I might stick around at our company for a little longer.

Actually, it's really hard to tell what I would do in her situation. I'm so sad for her and her husband.

Jacky82020 on 05/06/2021:
Atrocious that boss would expect her to train her replacement under the circumstances! Unless he knows she’s moving on and made the offer herself.

Donkey on 05/07/2021:
Well, it kind of burns me - and Nice Lady said this too - that we're supposed to be a "work family" but then we all get mistreated. Don't even get me started on what happened to our insurance.

I guess that's the reality of it. The Boss is a nice fellow, but at the end of the day, he's a capitalist and a business man, and a money-maker. And each one of us is replaceable.

Jacky82020 on 05/07/2021:
A shame. Wonder if a baby that premature would have had birth defects.

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