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Donkey - Wednesday Nov 28, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

I've been so tired lately.  Monday, shoveling the wet, heavy snow really wiped me out for the rest of the day.  I woke up at 4am so that I'd have enough time to get everything done, and I did, but by 10am at work, I was really wiped out.  I told myself I would sleep really well that night, but I didn't.   Last night was the first night, from how I feel this morning, that I think I got enough QUALITY sleep.  

Work is rather busy for being December with a foot of snow on the ground...  Even my boss mentioned it to me.  I said that I'm OK with the workload though.  I didn't tell him that I feel like I've been fighting off something - sinus infection? - the past few days.  I still get the strong sense that something is up at work, changes are coming or something like that.  I'm completely out of the loop.  I could ask my Male Co-Worker, but I'm not going to.  I made the mistake yesterday of chiming into someone else's conversation, and realized it immediately.  Kept my mouth shut after that.  I MUST NOT DO THAT AT WORK.  It just really stokes the fires for dumping on Donkey at work.  

I haven't made any real changes to what I'm eating or what I'm doing.  My wedding ring is no longer loose on my finger, so I think I'm going to stop using that as a way to monitor myself.  It's just disappointing.  About once a week, I look at the back of my legs - around the knee area, which is so ugly on me because I'm knock-kneed - and today I realized that depending on which leg I rest my leg on, or if I turn my foot out slightly (which is unfortunately, my normal step), then my legs look almost straight up and down, rather than having this bulging knee that moves up to a fat inner thigh, rather than tapering in for a more slender looking thigh.  Seriously, my legs look like this:  VV.  I'd rather they look like this: ||

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

innerpeace on 11/28/2018:
I'm glad I sit away from the operations floor, just for this reason. I would end up saying something that would upset those tender souls who work here.

Aren't we our own worst critic when it comes to our body? I hope you get better sleep.

Donkey on 11/29/2018:
...upset the tender souls who work here." Ha ha ha ha! Isn't that the truth?


horn_of_plenty on 11/28/2018:
like you, i'm once again shutting up at work also. it sucks, but, ever since my other project manager mentioned me getting fired before other female coworker, i can't seem to have any energy to say much more.

like you, i've been a hair too busy and not getting enough sleep. emotionally i'm beat...actually it's all emotoinal that has been very DOWN!

listen, you are putting yourself SO DOWN! there's no reason for it.

it's the Winter Blues, i think :(

i feel you, i've cried two days in a row, at work! not in front of everyone.

keep your head up.


BearCountryGG on 11/29/2018:
The wedding ring test seems to be more about water retention than anything....Mine can be loose one minute and an hour later be snug. One thing I have learned about my legs...is that somewhere along the line I started turning my left foot out a little...and later realized it was because I sit on that foot...over time...the left hip started to be painful.......and still is a problem today....I still too often automatically sit on that leg...I still automatically turn that foot out...and the hip still hurts...but when I force that foot back into place where it should be...the hip pain goes away...I did it to myself with the sitting on that leg problem.........unfortunately it is such a feflex thing...that i don't even realize I'm doing these things...until they are already done.......years and years of bad habits....do come to bite us later...UGH!



Donkey - Sunday Nov 25, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

So I did a bad thing...  I know I'm supposed to be downsizing and getting ready to move in a couple of years...  But I just couldn't resist getting more Christmas lights.  Now both front and backyard have beautiful LED multi-colored lights!  I was on the fence about this yesterday, about to take what I had put up in the back down, when my daughter mentioned that in all the 11 years we've lived here, we've never decorated the back for Christmas.  So now all of the patio railing has lights, not just the one section I did.  And when you look out our supper table, you can see some of them now, which will be really nice in the winter.  

I also had enough lights to light our front porch railing as well.  So now the deck in back has lights, the porch has lights, and our little mis-shapened evergreen-y tree in front has lights.  I also have a string of lights bordering the ceiling in the kitchen, to keep on at night as a nightlight for anyone who has to work late or come down for a midnight snack.

Just as I finished putting up all of these outdoor lights, it started to rain, but it was like a freezing rain or something because it was very loud.  Now it's doing something else.  I can't tell if it's snowing or like ice-raining.  I'm going to call it snow because that sounds better to me. 

We're supposed to get anywhere from 6-12 inches, so the rest of my day will probably be spent inside.  I bought myself an early Christmas gift at the resale store on Friday.  (Again, very bad of me.) I bought  a small, heart-shaped silicon baking tray so now I can make sugar free gummies for myself.  I love gummies!  I also have all of the ingredients to make my low-carb, Paleo gingerbread cake.  I'll probably do a little walking on the old treadmill and then ride the bike later on as well.


EVENING EDIT:  Went out to shovel less than an inch but because it is such a heavy, wet snow, it was really hard shoveling.  Looks like most of the snow is coming tonight (starting about a half an hour ago), so I'll have my work cut out for me tomorrow morning.

Made sugar free gummies, but I'm not happy with the recipe.  Once they stay room temperature, they become essentially Jello.  I didn't use enough gelatin for my recipe modification.  Next batch should be better.  They're good out of the fridge.

Also baked keto gingerbread cake which I plan on having a small piece of after dinner, which I think is the last of the leftovers.  

Then more shoveling...

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/25/2018:
Your house sounds so FESTIVE! I love to sit at the table and see outside lights....Looks like a lot of us are into doing some kitchen prepping lately....this weather makes it easier to get into cooking/baking I think!!! Looks like you guys are seriously getting ready for Christmas!


Maria7 on 11/25/2018:
Our chicken house in the back yard has multi-colored lights across the top in the front...but our house has none, ha. Bet your lights are so beautiful! Smile!


Horn_of_plenty on 11/25/2018:
wow you got a ton done! I'm sure the lights look wonderful on your house! How nice that'll be to always be coming home to! How inviting. I think it's worth it.!!!! You can always give the lights to one of your kids when / if they need them or want them! (down the road!)

sorry about this snow! our NYC weather was sun and decently warmer! sorry i cannot send it to you!

so keep these sf gummies in the fridge, no? will they be good in fridge? oh, i just continued to read, you said they are! :)

how did you like this gingerbread cake? that's a nice flavor for a cake!



Donkey - Saturday Nov 24, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Let me say that I'm completely shocked at my weigh-in this morning:  no loss but NO GAIN. I thought for sure with the dinner I had yesterday (more about that to come), no evening bike ride session, and hormone/TOM issues that I'd be up a few more pounds.  Right before I weighed in, I put on my wedding ring to see if my hands were swollen (with excess salt from dinner, plus monthly bloat) and they weren't.  The Ironman scale (the better scale) showed me up about 0.5 pound, but muscle/water/bone stats were also up a little bit, so nothing I'm worried about.

I had a lot of fun with my husband last night, but my dinner was OOF!  I ordered a "bang bang shrimp" salad -- and it was one of those salads that ends up being like one of the highest calories on the menu, I think...  Or at least that's how it felt.  It wouldn't have surprised me.  I also overdid it with the tortilla chips and hummus & guacamole we ordered for an appetizer.  Not a binge by any means, but this all sat very heavy in my stomach all night.

We went shopping afterwards, to visit the kids.  First we went to Target (son's job), didn't see him there, but I bought hooks for hanging Christmas lights and LED lights to hang in and out of the house.  Sadly, I've been looking for LED lights at second-hand stores and haven't been able to find any.  So I bit the bullet.  I like having lights up all year round.  I have some on an upper bannister that act like a night-light throughout the year.  I'd like to have the same thing in the kitchen, and in the backyard.  It cheers me up to see the little lights in the dark. 

Then we went to Walmart, and did run into my daughter.  I had some food items to pick up for my stash at work.  It was good to walk around too, but I was like, "I gotta get home and get some Tums."  But when we got home, my husband had a huge slice of apple pie!  Oh my goodness.... I don't even know what to say.  (shaking my head sadly...)


We are expecting 5-7 inches of snow tomorrow, into Monday morning.  Kind of excited about it, but also dreading the shoveling.  Right now, because of the hormones, my back is in a very precarious position.  I don't know if the kids will be around to help shovel.  Husband cannot, of course.


On my list of things to do today:  laundry (already started, run errands (pick up protein bars, visit Goodwill to see what they have), find old Christmas lights I have packed away somewhere to hang, start hanging lights :)

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/24/2018:
The tummy knew it was different food...but really...other than the tummy troubles...it sounds like you had a good time...and it's nice to know that sometimes....we just need to kick up our heels a little.......Hope you feel better quickly. The lights sound fun...I like that year around idea!



Donkey - Friday Nov 23, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

I did NOT want to go to work this morning.  I slept through both of my alarms and then slept in for another 45 minutes.  Got out of bed and my legs felt so fatigued (this is hormones, not actual fatigue).  I *almost* talked myself out of riding my exercise bike this morning, but I'm glad I got up and did it, because it's just so much better when I do it.  

I left work at 1pm, as I ran out of stuff to do.  The boss had said he was going to come in, but he never did.  Because he did not come in, I ran out of work to do.  Things at work might be changing and if they do, it will affect one of my co-workers (one of the nicer ones, unfortunately) in that she may lose her job.  Because she is so stressed out about it, she is in the bathroom all the time.  She also keeps talking to me about it, which I appreciate that she feels that she can talk to me about her worries.  But on the other hand, the whole subject is worrisome and depressing to me.  She is me in about 20 years is how I look at it.  We'll have to see, I guess, what the boss wants to do.  He might very well decide not to make any changes.

It's too bad that this isn't happening to Male Co-Worker or Queen Bee.  However, if Male Co-Worker does follow through with his intention to retire in 2019, it will definitely change things, and I cannot say for the better at this time.

On the bright side, I have figured out what I want to do for my next step, because I have a strong feeling that my position will be changing within the next couple of years as well.  The bright spot is that this will work whether we stay here or move out to live closer to my family or some place else.


Today is Friday, so I am wearing my tighter pants in anticipation of weighing in tomorrow.  The tighter pants are a constant reminder to me today not to overdo it, for weigh-in tomorrow.  However, Mr. Donkey wants to go out to dinner tonight, and I kind of do too.  So weigh-in will be dangerous tomorrow, due to a number of factors:  Thanksgiving dinner, Friday night date, hormones, 

I'm a little envious of the few of you that have spoken about reaching benchmarks in 2019 and 2020.  I do not have any of those for myself.  I still do fully intend to have the "Year of Remodeling" but have no benchmark to measure myself with.  I do not measure inches, and I'm not sure for what I want to do, that would be helpful to me at all.

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/23/2018:
Well....do do have plenty of time to make a resolution......I think it's great that you have lost and kept it off.......you are in the position that I hope to be in over the next few months to a year......sounds like a great place to be...to me.

Donkey on 11/24/2018:
Yes, I agree, thank you! I just need to figure out a way to make my 2019 goal definitive. Measureable? Not sure what I'm looking for, I just know that I'm looking for it! (LOL) ;)


Horn_of_plenty on 11/24/2018:
but aren't you glad that you do not have to lose the weight again and be totally uncomfortable in your clothes again!? ohhh, i am so so glad that i am at a comfortable weight for myself. i still need to watch not to overeat constantly, but it feels so good to make better choices and feel better! i am NOT jealous of those that still are learning the process. me and you, we have learned a lot more in this journey.

also the one at work talking to you, try not to let her drain you regarding the fact she may lose her job. remember that this is her scenario and you cannot control that. keep on with you, put yourself first, and remind yourself it's ok to smile and realize you are in a good position now, bc you do the work and can be counted on! this is an amazing thing!

Donkey on 11/24/2018:
Yes, I *am* glad :) :D And most glad that I've accomplished this in a healthy way. Maybe I'll write more about this thought in my own entry...

My husband had a similar perspective regarding my co-worker's predicament. There are a lot of people out there that need prayers.



Donkey - Thursday Nov 22, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Happy Thanksgiving!!  And to those who do not celebrate American Thanksgiving, please know that I am truly grateful for your support and friendship here every day.

The brisket is in the oven and it smells so good!  I've made the whole-cranberry jellies (one with sugar, one sugar-free).  My keto baking ambitions have once again been thwarted because I do not have any granual Swerve (sugar substitute); I thought when I ordered confectioners, that I also ordered granular, but alas, my memory has failed me again.  Ha ha, you should have seen me looking around for a bag of Swerve that I don't have.  So the gingerbread cookies will have to wait again, but I'm thinking... maybe it just wasn't meant to be, at least for today.  

So for dessert, I will probably have the sugar-free cranberries with whipped cream, rather than pie.  Not that I can't have a bite of pumpkin - which I might - but it's more of making a conscious decision of where to spend my calories.  That's all. 

Now that the jellies are cooling off, I'm going to go for a walk outside to clear my head a bit, so that I can focus on the positive things in my life today, right now.


EVENING EDIT:  I was amazed that even though my husband ate so much more than I did at noon that he was ready to eat again at 5pm!  I said "OK, maybe a little later" which to him meant 5:15p - LOL! 

I wasn't full but I wasn't hungry, but did that stop me from having a full plate?  Of course not!  Granted, most of my plate - for noon and supper - was vegetables, but still!  Oh hard it is to resist!

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/22/2018:
Thappy Thanksgiving to you and yours today........Maybe just maybe things do happen for a reason....cranberries are good for you anyway....THANKFULLY!!!!


horn_of_plenty on 11/22/2018:
We are thankful for you too!

I totally forgot all about cranberries this year not buying even one bag yet ! Great idea to make it two ways ! Do they taste vet different ?

Did you use confectioners for the sugar free ?

I will hopefully bake a pumpkin cheesecake soon :)

Nice job on your baking and eating :)

I may have indulged but really watched my eating today and am happy overall with my ability to not binge on the holidays as much as I had in the past !


graindart on 11/23/2018:
I made a small portion of the cranberries for myself with stevia instead of sugar. Didn't really taste all that great. Maybe it's not really the cranberries that I normally enjoy. Maybe it's just the cranberry flavored giant bowl of sugar sauce that I enjoy.


Horn_of_plenty on 11/23/2018:
let us know how your day at work goes! :) i hope it's going ok!



Donkey - Wednesday Nov 21, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Survived the class...  Actually, it wasn't too bad.  Most of the subjects were at least a little interesting, and I did learn something that I can use at work.  I don't really use my license at work, because my job is different, but what I learn helps me be better at my job.

I fell short of getting 250 steps for 2 of the hours during the Webinar; thank you FitBit, for keeping track.  I always try to get 12 hours of sufficient steps, every day, but oh well, sometimes it just doesn't work out that way.  Once I knew that my step streak had been broken at around 3pm, I was able to relax, mentally, about it.  I *was* pretty much glued to my home desk while watching the webinar.  I didn't have enough confidence in my WiFi or my logged in status with Adobe Connect to disconnect the internet cable and roam around the house.  So, in order to compensate, I ended up doing several sets of lunges, sitting on my yoga ball on and off, doing a lot of squats, etc.  My legs are only *slightly* feeling that this morning.  

I anticipate that today will be a full day, even though the lady co-worker was checking on my emails.  I think she doesn't have a lot to do... so she might choose to keep the files moving forward, hard to tell.  I really left it up to her, since I'm going in on Friday to catch up.  I might end up doing Sudoko most of the day, and that would be fine with me too. 

Oh, and I'm not throwing out any romaine lettuce.  I'll take my chances.

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

graindart on 11/21/2018:
Glad to hear the webinar didn't put you in a coma. The only thing I liked about the old "live" courses was that there weren't any tests. As long as you were alive at the end of the day, you passed.


Horn_of_plenty on 11/23/2018:
yeah, it's hard to throw out good looking veggies right!? despite the warnings as of late due to the contaminations!

also, nice job getting thru your class and you couldn't have known exactly what to expect in regards to getting in your steps...but, you did what you could in the moment and this is what matters most! nice job to you, this is a positive and well thought out entry! i'm glad you got to work from home :)



Donkey - Tuesday Nov 20, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

So here I am at home getting ready for the webinar.  I should have emailed the PDF course "book" to myself at work to print out there.  It's 159 pages!  Yikes!  So I'll be bouncing between webinar screen and PDF booklet screen, I guess...  

I'm trying to stick to my regular eating schedule though, and holding off on breakfast until 9am.  Since I am at home, I will have eggs, rather than a protein bar, though.  Perhaps my daughter will go for a lunchtime walk with me. The webinar lunch break is from 12:45p-2pm.  Oh my...  I'd rather have a shorter lunch break and get out earlier, but folks attending the actual class have to have enough time to drive somewhere (and back) for lunch.  I have plenty of fresh vegetables, fruit, and gum if I get munchy, just like at work.  And my FitBit will make sure that I take at least 250 steps every hour.

My husband started rattling off the menu for Thanksgiving and I realized that I need to coordinate with him the vegetable side dishes I would prefer.  I do plan to make my keto low-carb gingerbread, but I am allowing pumpkin pie and one other pie of the kids' choice in the house.  I am strong enough to resist pie, I think. 

I'm actually looking forward to going into work on Friday. It should be quiet, except for emails.  My boss said that I don't have to work the whole day.  Yeah, what he doesn't realize is that because I'm hourly, if I don't work the whole day, I don't get paid the whole day.  That's kind of important.

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/20/2018:
you know that "Ctrl f" by pressing those two keys, you can jump around the PDF and FIND any type of word / phrase you search for (by pressing CTRL f)


horn_of_plenty on 11/20/2018:
always nice to go into work when most people are not there...i prefer it also. but for my company, we are given friday off...in exchange for Election Day :)


happy-1 on 11/20/2018:
yum... ginger bread


happy-1 on 11/20/2018:
yum... ginger bread



Donkey - Monday Nov 19, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Making a little time for myself this morning and logging in.  Regardless of what happens at work this week, I will be saying "GOOD-BYE" to a couple of very difficult transactions that have made my days miserable.  They are closing today and out of my hair for good. 

Also, tomorrow I will be working from home to attend the online live webinar for my licensing.  As boring as the webinar will be, I'm looking forward to being home.  The kids are home too, so that will be very nice.  To be away from the office, away from Queen Bee, the phones... To be able to look out a real window as the day progresses... Yes, I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow, but first I have to get through today, LOL... 

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
awwwww, this is nice! take care of yourself tomorrrow...prepare some nice coffee and drinks while you do the webinar...have veggies and all ready to enjoy :) i sure would :)

enjoy the change of pace tomorrow...well deserved for you!



Donkey - Sunday Nov 18, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

Nothing too much to mention today.  Making it a lightly active day rather than a restful day.  I've done well with food and water. 

I ordered myself a Christmas gift.  Is that bad?  It was a fundraiser for a small animal shelter that rescues cats and horses.  They were selling "Snap It" jewelry, which is like interchangeable gems/pendants or "snaps" (some are metalic, some are made out of glass).  So I bought a necklace and some fancy, shiny snaps to dress up my work wardrobe.  This past Spring, on the very first really nice day, all these office workers were out walking on their lunch break and I saw a cute little petite lady who  was wearing black capris and an orange sweater with 3/4 sleaves - and had a necklace, and I was like, "What a nice touch to her cute little outfit!"  So now I can be like her, at least with the necklace.  The "cute little petite" thing...  maybe not so much.

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/18/2018:
At 126 pounds I do think you are a cute little petite thing!!! The new jewelry sounds interesting...I will have to look that up!


horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
awwww, how cute!!!! yes, i'm smiling you got it for yourself :) way to go to doing something nice for yourself!!



Donkey - Saturday Nov 17, 2018
(Reduction of processed carbs & wishful exercise)
Weight: 126.5

As anticipated, numbers were up.  My fancy scale says that I gained a pound of muscle...  It also registered a 1 pound gain rather than a 2 pound game as my cheap, but favorable scale.  So whatever this number is, it's temporary.


Your comments to me on my last entry were so helpful - thank you!!!  I really thought about what you all said.  

My weigh-ins can be around this number for the holiday(s). I think a slightly higher weigh-in will help me more with maintaining sensible portion control & food choices than depriving myself and suffering the consequences (crabby, sad, tired, aches & pains, no energy, etc.).  Moderation will be the most forefront goal, rather than restriction.

Still intending to reduce weigh-ins in 2019.  This is a definite goal of mine this year.  

I've reached and surpassed my goal number, although, like Gains said, I'm not even sure what number my body is happy at.  But it is worth a couple of extra pounds or pound-fluctuation range, if it means feeling better, having more energy, and being of good cheer.  I might need reminding of this, but I know it is true.


I realized this morning that I am at the weight where I was when I was in 7th grade.  I'm also pretty much at the same height that I was when I was 12.  I distinctly remember this, because I struggled to fit into my size 7 blue jeans that had this very pretty vine/flower embrodery pattern on the back pockets.  And I was "fat" back then.

Well, here I am at the same the numbers... am I still "fat"?  Here I am, lately thinking I'm at "goal", victory achieved!  Other people have acknowledged my weight-loss and call it successful..... And then it really hit me, Wow, I'm pretty much back where I started!  Why was it not OK then but now it's OK 36 years later?

I'm so confused...

 

 

Progress as of today: 60 lbs lost so far, only -10 lbs to go!

BearCountryGG on 11/17/2018:
I remember "thinking " I was fat in 11th grade...lost a few pounds...and was too thin for years........I wasn't FAT...I was normal...but to teenagers who are going through all kinds of changes....their body image is pretty confusing. I can say for sure..that I never want to be stick thin again......women are supposed to have curves, womens fat distribution is different from mens and that is no mistake....viva la difference!

Donkey on 11/18/2018:
Ironically, at age 12, at this weight and height, I struggled to fit into a size 7. Now, my pants are size 8 (and stretchy, because of my back issues, I can't have a ridged waist-band), and they fit fine. I thought about your comment and my comment, and why on earth am I using clothing sizes to gauge anything? We all know that vanity sizing

Donkey on 11/18/2018:
... lies to us.

(My computer or DD is acting up... sorry for the disjointed response.)


horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2018:
I'm sure your body has changed a lot, hips-wise and all, since 7th grade...even if you were totally developed then, i am sure you have changed a bit.

also, for sure, your metabolism is prob slower than it used to be...

also, your muscle mass will be different i'm guessing.



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