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Donkey - Monday Mar 07, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

So I haven't been eating optimally. Perhaps I've been eating more than usual at dinner, with not ideal choices.  Perhaps my food choices are not the best or usual.  Funny how I transitioned from not being able to eat much of anything to now longing to comfort eat.   I don't mean drowning my sorrows in chocolate, but rather, chosing foods that make me feel better.  (That sounds odd, doesn't it?)  For example, rather than having my usual protein oatmeal for breakfast, I had sourdough toast this morning.  I've also been somewhat focused on finishing up leftovers.  Last night, I consented to pizza for dinner, at Husband's request. I think that's his comfort food.  

It is snowing here this morning, from overnight, and some benefits person is driving up all the way from St. Louis to meet with us this afternoon.  I'm not really up to this meeting but it is what it is.  What I'm really saying is that I hope the meeting isn't delayed or rescheduled due to the weather.  Also, I feel kind of bad for this person having to drive up in horrible weather. I know it's his job, and that's fine, but still.  

I did not go to the gym yesterday.  Not only do I not want to deal with annoying people, but also, a lot of the members are young men, and it just felt like it might be overwhelming.  IDK... I know that the only person who is putting pressure on me to get to the gym is me, and I know that I'm doing that which I can do.

My Daughter has gone back to work already.  She went back on Friday and worked Saturday but had Sunday off. She said it was difficult because people keep saying things, but also because thoughts and memories would keep coming to her as she was working.  But I think she made a good decision for herself.  

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
I left you a few extra comments on your previous entry..

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
OK, I'll take a look :-)

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
I did leave replies :-)

Jacky82020 on 03/07/2022:
Don’t give what you eat or don’t eat a second thought in these sad times. Treat yourself good & do what you can.

I’ve had the experiences of not losing when dieting stringently & hardly gaining when I overeat. Guess it’s water retention or lose, but seems to catch up with ya eventually.

Take all the time you need to return to work. There’s no set timeline for grief. We all react differently.

I have a new book on my library wait list. It’s by Jamie Raskin, a congressman from I forget where. He worked on one of the impeachments and was scheduled to lead the 1/6 Insurrection committee . His 25 yr old son killed himself a few days before the committee convened. He had a history of depression, but seemed to be coping And was a second year law student at Harvard. Pelosi told him fine if he bows out, but he felt forging ahead was the best thing in his case.

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
I might look into that book at a later point. Thank you for letting me know.

bearcountrygg on 03/07/2022:
I wouldn't worry about what you eat right now..just eat what you feel like eating.....you can deal with that when things settle a bit. I have also had times where I didn't eat much and gained and on the other hand ate more and lost wt........( WW used to say that sometimes it takes 4 days for overeating to show on the scales....)......I agree with what you had said earlier......things get put into perspective sometimes and now they just don't seem so important......little things are just little things and bigger things need to be tended to....you will be very busy for a while and you should only do what you want to do.....be kind to yourself. ((HUGS))

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
Just kind of thinking out loud here, but not only will I be busy very soon with the memorial arrangements and stuff, but also in a larger and longer sense, we'll be busy with the real estate season too. Ugh...

Maria7 on 03/07/2022:
Sending hugs and love to you. Still praying for you and your family. It is good you are able to eat. Take good care of yourself and know you are loved by many.

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
Thank you so much.

horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
yuck! snow! ugh! supposedly we may get some Wednesday, but i'm doubting it...

in times of really high stress, i also resort to more nutrient dense foods. maybe it's easier for the body to digest?

i totally understand you not wanting to deal wtih annoyances/people at gym.

i think your daughter also made a good decision about work.

you do what you need to do for you. <3

thanks for stopping by DD today xoxo.

Donkey on 03/08/2022:

horn_of_plenty on 03/09/2022:
yes, try not to make sudden / impulsive decisions now to leave work....just take your time off as needed. return after however long you need...money is money.

Donkey on 03/10/2022:
Yeah, it seems to me that my husband and I aren't really on the same page in this respect, with not making any impulsive decisions. I'm going to remain firm in this, though. Maybe not so literal, but definitely need some time to pass first.

Donkey - Saturday Mar 05, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

A late entry today.  It was a difficult day today, probably because we weren't expecting too much to come in, as far as information, etc., to happen today.  So I would like to focus on some nuts-and-bolts in this entry, in a more light-hearted way, if I may.

So how in the Sam Hill do I end up weighing the same dang number after 2 days of not much eating and meeting 10,000 steps?  How does that happen?  Ugh, I'm so done with my scale. I need a training program like legcramps that give me visible results, rather than scale numbers.  I'll file this for future reference.

I hadn't been lifting any weights this week, unitl yesterday afternoon (Friday).  I just didn't have it in me, and perhaps being a cardio queen, just did more walking and biking to deal with nervious energy and anxiety (and sadness).  But Friday afternoon, I kind of didn't have anything to do and just wanted to feel something different.  It actually felt GOOD to pick up some weights.  I didn't go as heavy as I usually go, but it felt good to just move again in that way.

I thought I would be ready to go back to work on Tuesday, but I realized yesterday (Friday) late afternoon that maybe I'm just not quite ready yet, and I think after today, I'm not ready to do that yet, pretty sure.  Not just for myself - but mostly for myself - but also for Daughter and Husband.  Also, there will be calls and texts coming in, regarding arrangements, and perhaps the investigation, too (although I doubt it), and I know that it would be very difficult to deal with these while working.  

I did not go to the gym today.  I really did think about it, but I just wasn't in the mood to deal with an annoying cast of gym people today (Make-Up Lady, Mr. Q, Dad Bod, Serial Killer - I have names for all these regulars I see.)  So maybe tomorrow morning, early.  Or maybe not at all this weekend.  I'm not quitting, but maybe just not this weekend is all.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/05/2022:
I think you will know when you are ready.....for now just do what you feel like doing. In home scales really are not the most reliable way to judge weight.....The big heavy clunky ones at the doctors they say is the most accurate...but then again.....inflamation, prior food intake etc. shows up on those too. They will manage at work.....when you decide to go back you are there 5 days a week again....with all of the office issues ......it probably is better to deal with things at home for the time being. ((HUGS))

Donkey on 03/07/2022:
Yes, life will be there for me when I ready to rejoin. Right now, it seems overwhelming to do so.

Also, everything at work right now seems utterly ridiculous and trivial to me, so I would probably not be the most receptive person so any b*llsh*t from anybody, from clients with leaky toilets to co-workers who are upset that someone is using the wrong color on the calendar.

innerpeace on 03/06/2022:
I have names for the regulars I see at the gym too...so funny. Today a little lady came in and hung her purse on the side rail of the treadmill, it was too cute. Like who brings their purse to the gym. I chuckled when I saw her pink purse hanging on the side...ergo Purse Lady! Just know the job and the gym will be there when you are ready to go back! Continued prayers for you.

Donkey on 03/07/2022:
Purse Lady -- I LOVE this. This made me smile - thank you. Go Grannie!!!

horn_of_plenty on 03/06/2022:
in terms of weight, your body is prob holding water weight. maybe you are in that flight/fight mode and bloated / haven't gone to the bathroom much?

If you feel you aren't ready to go back to work bc of the things you wrote; i wouldn't go back until you are feeling like it's time...like the others have said being why...

everyone at work should def be able to understand and wait for you...

if you want to share anything else with us or are feeling upset and need to write it out; we are here.

instead of rushing back to work, take the time to work on your health if you are able. do your walking. do your weights. (when you feel up to these things). rest if you need.

then go back to work.

when a coworker's father passed away last year; he is 55yo,he took off two weeks being that he was the head of family and needed to make more arrangements...he did not rush back. of course, that's an extreme example - the 2 weeks - but your case is the type that may warrant that kind of thing.

Donkey on 03/07/2022:
Mistakes Girl took 2 weeks when she lost her baby. I'm not so sure that's an extreme example, though. What I mean to say is, The thought of rejoining the living right now seems insurmountable right now.

legcramps on 03/07/2022:
Donkey, if you want me to write something up for you I will. I just need to know what your goals are (i.e. if there is anything specific you need to include in your workouts, like your morning bike rides).

I can't coach outside of the gym, but I can start you off with something and give some tips if you think that might help get you into a routine.

Donkey on 03/07/2022:
Thank you for your generous offer. I might take you up on that in the near future. Thank you.

horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
2 weeks after losing baby does sound extreme to me. 2 weeks is a long time.

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
Well, I'm wondering if there wasn't some physical healing that had to be done as well.

horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
your loss seems greater than that of losing a baby in many ways. xo.

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
I appreciate this. I hesitate to say greater, but I know where you are coming from. After all, we are left with many questions, especially with our circumstances, far more regrets for sure. Many more memories, missed opportunities....

I think it probably takes about 1-2 weeks to take care of things administratively with a funeral home, even for the loss of a newborn. I don't know if that brings some closure. I know for myself that I do not want to be at work and have to take some phone call about anything, so LOGICALLY that was my main reason for taking this week off.

horn_of_plenty on 03/07/2022:
yes, if you do not want to be "rejoining the living right now," you take your time. this is time that is for you to do what you need, so you are ready later to "rejoin.." do not rush it....it's not like you love the job....you were thinking to leave anyways, so i'd suggest take care of YOU because you are important..

Donkey on 03/08/2022:
Really good point about work. Yesterday, when I was talking with my brother on the phone, I said brutally honest that I really did not want to return to work at all, mostly for the reasons I've already mentioned here at DD.

At least I said it, said it out loud, and said it to someone other than myself.

I can't really think that far ahead yet. I told myself, too, that I shouldn't make any sudden changes right now.

Donkey - Friday Mar 04, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

I want to thank you all for the prayers.  Thank you for thinking of myself and my family.  I truly appreciate this place of friendship and support.  It may seem odd to post these sorts of things on social media, but it's hard when you're waiting for answers, so you ruminate and speculate and try to figure out what has happened, especially so far away.

I don't want to dwell here on my emotions too much.  I will tell you, as it relates to diet, appetite, hunger, that for about 48 hours, I was living on adreneline, first waiting to hear more from the military representatives, and then dealing with the information and emotions.  Physiologically, I was in a stage of "flight or fight" and the body could not eat.  Last night, I was feeling some soreness in my muscles, like the day after a heavy workout, and I couldn't figure out why, until I realized it was chemicals breaking down, relaxing a little bit, physically, at least.

Suicide leaves so many unanswered questions, and yet, do the answers even matter...  I don't want to dwell here too much on the weight of infinite regrets.  It will take a week or 2 to wrap up things administratively.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

legcramps on 03/04/2022:
I hope this is a safe place for you. Know that we are all thinking of you and praying for your family. I can't imagine what you are going through and I just don't know what to say - but you know how much we care about you <3

Please take care of yourself.

Jacky82020 on 03/04/2022:
I am so sorry, Donkey. You’re right, many unanswerable questions.

Be good to yourself.

bearcountrygg on 03/04/2022:
We love you and are your family too. I'm sure that handling things from a distance is difficult at best. I am glad that you are able to talk here if you want or need to.....We will continue to pray for you and your family and we hope that you will take care to see to your own health and well being. I'm glad that you are beginning to relax a little and acknowledge that you do need to eat. We are here for you. ((HUGS))

innerpeace on 03/04/2022:
Prayers to you dear Donkey. Please take care of yourself.

horn_of_plenty on 03/04/2022:
Like the others are saying, we are continuously here for you; even if we may not be in the same state; we are there in spirit and will be here as you deal with this. we will be praying and we will support you through it as best we can.

also, like some have said above, there are questions and they are unanswerable at best. they aren't meant to be answered and shouldn't be. the what ifs and the what should have been....are not questions that will solve the loss. there should be no blame on your part on yourself or anyone. hopefully someone didn't upset your son...i do hope you can learn some things about it; what the situation was, i don't know. but, on your part,your family, there should be NO BLAME. it is not a fault of yours or your family. i want you to know this, if you've started to wonder.

remember i went thru an episode; and i always had thought if something did happen to me; i would only want my family to remember the good things about me....i would want my family close to me. this is the important thing.

maybe it is just more of a closeknit family thing right now for your son. he may not have wanted a big thing with many people or the news spread; i don't know.

i'm just giving input based on what i thought about in my head.

anyways, that is not important either, really.

please continue to work through this and we are always, always here for you.

just remember, your son down the road will have wanted you to remmember him with love and warm thoughts, later, that is.

it is important to know that.


we are all here to listen.

horn_of_plenty on 03/04/2022:
the answers, generally, do not matter at all with suicide.

I only hope that something didn't happen badly to him or someone was bad towards him at the AF. but i have no idea and could never even guess. maybe he was upset for his own reasons...

...but what is important is to remember the love and the good...and we sure know how proud of him you were.

Maria7 on 03/04/2022:
So sorry you and your family are going through this. We are continuing to pray for you all. You have our love and support here at DD, always. Sometimes there are no simple answers, search as we may for them. I believe that you were a good Mother and that he knew how very much you loved him. Sending a hug to you. Please take good care of yourself.

Donkey - Wednesday Mar 02, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

My Son has died.  I don't have much information yet.  We're waiting for a telephone call from the commanding officer.  We had 2 officers visit our house last night at 11:41pm to deliver the news.  

Please pray for my son.  Kind thoughts and peaceful energy offerings to the universe are also appreciated.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 03/02/2022:
Oh my gosh. I am so, so, so incredibly sorry. I know you were not expecting anything of this sort to come your way and it must have been a huge shock to everyone. I am sure you are in shock over this. I can only say we are here with you. Please feel you can reach out to us at this extremely unfortunate time. We also understand if you will need time away from here to focus on this event. It's truly hard to believe.

Your son is in my prayers; as well as everyone's here on DD.

horn_of_plenty on 03/02/2022:
Please stay strong, for yourself, your family & your daughter. It is ok to release your feelings; but please keep your health as you go thru this time.

bearcountrygg on 03/02/2022:
I am so sad to hear this....Our prayers are with all of you. I was just thinking about him yesterday and was hoping that all was well with him. ((HUGS))

happy-1 on 03/02/2022:
Omg, I’m so sorry. I wish I knew the perfect thing to say… All my prayers and support. I believe we all meet up on the other side.

Jacky82020 on 03/02/2022:
My heart aches for you,my friend. I have no words. I’m so sorry

legcramps on 03/02/2022:
I'm so sorry. This is so heartbreaking; my thoughts and prayers are with you.

coffee&calories on 03/02/2022:
I just logged on to catch up and saw this horrific news about your son. I’m immediately sick to my stomach and can’t even fathom what you wrote. From another part of the world, I cry with you. You shouldn’t have to go through this, how can I even begin to express my most heartfelt condolences? There aren’t words. No words. I’m so sorry. I will genuinely be thinking of you. My heart is absolutely broken to read this.

innerpeace on 03/03/2022:
I am so sorry, I cannot even imagine. My prayers for comfort.

Maria7 on 03/03/2022:
So sorry to read this! Will be praying. I love you.

horn_of_plenty on 03/03/2022:
thinking of you, hugs.

Donkey - Tuesday Mar 01, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Happy March!!!  Happy Fat Tuesday!!!

With a new month, I have no new goals for myself.  I may sign up for step or mile goals with my Garmin again.  (I'm still enrolled in the 365 miles in 2022 challenge.)  Anyway, I'm just glad for the warmer weather, although today is cloudy, which is kind of blah.

UGH just took a look at my graph - NOT GOOD.

Did not sleep well.  Had problems drifting off to sleep, and then I felt like I never quite got that deep sleep.  I haven't checked my sleep scores yet on the Garmin and FitBit yet.

Yesterday was OK.  I had extra white rice at dinner, so no sugar cravings afterwards.  Skipped the chocolate, and had no chocolate at work either.

I had trouble with last night's yoga - something isn't aligned right, so it was harder to either get into a correct pose, or maintain a correct pose.  I think in a way, yoga had relaxed me so much that I was re-energized, which is why I may have had problems falling asleep???  I'm not sure. 

New Gal is out today, so today should be NICE.  However, I will be alone with her on Wednesday, because Mistakes Girl will be out.  Mistakes Girl has high blood pressure now so the doctor wants her to take urine samples for an entire day.  She'd rather not do that at work, so she's taking a day off.  I think in some ways, MG is just not destined to be pregnant, with all these issues that she has with this pregnancy, and the difficulties she had the last time, too.  Oh my goodness. 

Her replacement starts on Wednesday.  It is not clear to me who will be training her, since it was supposed to be Mistakes Girl, but isn't since MG is taking that day off.  Well, at least we've got someone starting, because next Friday (next week, not this Friday), I will be the only assistant at the office, if Mistakes Girl goes on bedrest.  Nice Lady will be there, for company, but she is separate from our firm, and only works on Associate Attorney's sales files & bankruptcy.  She's not really supposed to be answering phones either.  Regardless, there is no way I can be checking emails for Male Co-Worker (vacation in Pittsburg), Mistakes Girl (maternity leave), and New Gal (vacation day), plus keeping up with my own files and emails!

Anyway, let's just concentrate on getting through today.  Today may end up being just cardio.  I have chores to do this morning, and tonight Husband wants to watch the State of the Union address on TV, which I'm hoping we can do together.  If not, though, then I will watch it while exercising, maybe.  I don't know, kind of depends on what I have left in me by the end of the day.

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 03/01/2022:
Sounds like you will have lots to do but with less people there you probably won't be bothered too much.....Could be a very productive day!

horn_of_plenty on 03/01/2022:
i've been sleeping HORRENDOUSLY since Sunday night. just waking up all night to pee/hungry/leg cramps. ah well. interestingly, i am still doing pretty well at work despite the sleep.

sometimes the rice or real carbs can be a good thing. that's why i have so much candy (not good) and carbs these days. i feel that protein and fat just doesn't do it for me, usually. it could be also convenience factor (like chips, etc) of carbs; but also i have had skinny friends. and when looking at how ALL of them ate, they all snacked on carbs, ate more carbs. interesting, right?

lol. at work, there's the 44yo who has a 20-something year old and 2 12yo twins. not a lot of time to herself but she goes to the gym when she can. before her twins, she had abs! she was really fit as she used to be a dancer. but now she def has a lot of fat on top of her muscle, though shapely. thick sorta. life. but she still works out. but it's funny to hear her give all these tips on sugar free this and that...how sugar is just so bad...and telling people her secrets. she tends to lose fast and gain fast. not a lifestyle i could deal with (possibly many size jeans? not sure). it's not like she visibly gets HUGE or SKINNY, so i don''t know...maybe she just loses 10lbs over the seasons (summer, thinner).

OMG. i didn't even though there was a state of the union address tonight. i haven't been watching the news,like, at all the past few days....

also, lots of changes in your workplace re MG and all...

...i had a friend, Jenn, who wanted to get pregnant....many issues there too. lost two (at the early point i believe). she had one when she was very young, teenager, but this time around in 30s it isn't the same for her.

horn_of_plenty on 03/01/2022:
(older teenager, like 18 or 19)

Donkey - Monday Feb 28, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Yesterday was another good eating day, I think.  I may have had too much rice at dinner, but I was not tempted to have ANYTHING sweet after dinner, so no chocolate, no peanut butter cravings.

It was another relaxing, restoring day.  I did not start a new jigsaw puzzle, but rather took an hour-nap with Baby Kitty on the sofa.

I changed up my routine this morning, by shortening my bike ride and walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes.  This is to help get in my daily steps so that I do not have to walk after yoga tonight.  Next Sunday, coming up, I will reserve a spot for the "Root" yoga class Sunday morning at 9:15am, after my regular Sunday workout.  I haven't made up my mind about the Tuesday night yoga class at the gym yet.  But that would be NEXT week, and right now, I need to focus more on THIS week.

I just remembered that I should probably try to get to work early.  There is a 10am closing, and as I left the file on Friday, the buyers were still trying to decide if they want to purchase the property or not.  We just learned that there are major issues with the septic system that could be very expensive to deal with.  If you ask me, the house is a dump, but the land itself is worth the purchase price.  Anyway, I suppose this means I should try to finish up my time here on DD. I refuse to rush through eating my breakfast though.  I'll take it with me if I have to.  This just BURNS me because these buyers were jerks and then to have them compromise my own time just really stinks.

I found a really nice job listing over the weekend.  Lots of benefits - including dental insurance!  BUT the law firm is in a town about an hour away with no easy way to commute. I used to work in this town before I moved to this firm.  The commute almost wore me down to a flat eraser on a pencil.  So no can do.  It seems as though the really good paralegal jobs demand an unpleasant commute.  

As this is the last day of the month, I am pleased to let you know that I have completed my push-ups challenge this month, WITH the EXCEPTION of Friday, February 25th, when I just completely forgot to do the push-ups.  I remembered several times throughout the day, saying, "Oh I'll do them as soon as finish this" and then forgot to do so once "this" was finished.  I haven't inspected my arms yet, but I know that they are coming along nicely.  This  may have to do more with the increased weights I've been using, rather than the push-ups, but I'm glad that I did this challenge this month.  

I'm ready to say hello to March and to Spring!

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/28/2022:
see my comment for your prev entry ;) have a great day!

Donkey on 03/01/2022:
I think I replied too :-)

bearcountrygg on 02/28/2022:
The Push Up Queen Reigns again!!!! Amazing!!! I don't blame you for not wanting to drive an hour to work...I wouldn't either...maybe in a warm climate but with winter roads.....nope!!!

legcramps on 02/28/2022:
Great job on the pushup challenge! I bet those muscles are coming along nicely!

Donkey - Sunday Feb 27, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

Yesterday was a successful day, for the most part, in relaxing.  I'm not sure if I completely "reset" my mind, but I didn't have any food fits, so that's something.  Actually, that's a HUGE something for me.  This is a good way to go back into another work week tomorrow!

I woke up early for a weekend day, and even for a regular day, because Daughter had to be at work at 7am. So when I woke up at 5:06am (on my own), I got up to make sure that she was up, and she was, so I just decided to stay up too, and get to the gym as early as possible.  Resisting the temptation to go back to bed was not easy, and I wasn't throughly convinced that going to the gym this morning was a good idea - I was tired.  But I went anyway, because when would have the opportunity to see what it's like to get there before 8am?

I'm glad I went to check it out.  It's a perfect time to go - the earlier the better, at least on a Sunday morning.  Can't say it was the BEST workout, because I was tired, so I didn't do anything extra, but I lifted heavy (upper body), so that is good.  There is a 9:15am yoga class on Sunday mornings that I would like to try, but this class today was filled, so maybe next Sunday.

I plan to do more to restore myself today, mostly more of the same that I did yesterday, including a nap.  I plan to start a new jigsaw puzzle, too.  This week promises to warm up a bit, and if this actually happens, then that will make my lunchtime walks at work much nicer and more enjoyable.  So I remain hopeful for that.

I spoke to Husband about how we would coordinate life - mainly dinner, LOL - if I were to try one of the other yoga classes that is offered during the week.  I would probably have to leave work a little early (4:30p or 4:45p) to eat before class.  Neither one of us is keen on eating dinner after class at 8pm.  I would like to try this, but if I am, I probably need to do it SOON because we're getting busier, and if Mistakes Girl is out after 3/8, we will be short-staffed.  I don't even want to THINK about what THAT will be like right now...

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/27/2022:
I can see getting to the gym early...I get my best work done in the morning. I get tired in the afternoon and then rally again around 5 P.M.....I like an afternoon nap but I'm slow to wake up from that...until about 5......whenever your strongest time is during the day would likely be your best time to exercise (or do yoga).

Donkey on 02/28/2022:
I took a long nap yesterday afternoon. This is quite unusual for me. I guess I really WAS tired. It was lovely though.

horn_of_plenty on 02/28/2022:
You sound GOOD. Early bird gets the worm. There is something good to getting out of bed and pushing it. It's something prob very useful to do every so often bc otherwise; like i am; you get used to a slower nature that will be hard to overcome..

Donkey - Saturday Feb 26, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 139.0

"Your relationship with food is a reflection of your relationship with yourself" -- someone posted this on one of the FB weight training groups I belong to.  So I would say that my relationship with myself is that I don't know how to comfort myself other than with food.  Also, "letting go" of things that I can't control is all fine, but those things still remain out there unresolved.  Bottom line is that I feel quite "out of balance" emotionally and spiritually, so this weekend, I'd like to refresh and reset myself, as much as I can.

My weight is at a point where it is unacceptable.  Logically, I know that it needs to stop here. Oh how I don't want to have to re-lose 10 pounds, like those I gained during the COVID shutdown and fallout.  

Progress as of today: 47.5 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 02/26/2022:
This is a REALLY proactive journal entry. I was reading something, sorta similar which is why i will mention it, on how [mostly] single people have become touch-starved even more bc of the pandemic. being touch starved, not actually being able to hug or even touch another human much, has caused them to become very "out of balance" emotionally and spiritually too - like you feel. I am reminded to bring this concept up to my french friend, as i think that's her been her issue that she doesn't realize! but, what i'm getting at, is if you have some issues with self care, to also maybe reach out to your hubby - cuddle with him lol....or if not that, talk to him about it...it seems he is always a decent soundboard for you....

as for your weight, if i were you i'd also get more serious on it...seems you have enjoyed your fair share of indulgences,, so maybe make a promise with yourself to get back on track until you are at 135 again? - just an idea here.

re yesterday's entry - sounds quite excellent. a great end to your week. :) i ended the week well, too. ended up going home and bed very early on my end - was a tiring week and was good to be in bed for 12/13 hours! like 8-9am with a couple pee breaks during the night...

back to you...i think a great two entries today and yesterday. weight does fluctuate; so it's something you'll always be watching time and again.

mine might be up a little bit too, though not completely sure bc i don't weigh all the time, just when i want to see if there's a change usually; and when i weighed last, it was up but could have been bloating/extra veggies, etc.

Donkey on 02/26/2022:
Thank you. I'm not sure that I saw it or felt it as being pro-active, but I'm just trying to be very honest with myself and you folks.

I know exactly what you mean about "touch-starved" because I experienced this in my 20's, when I was single. It's not something one is necessarily aware of until it's brought to his/her attention.

My weight is up 100% because I have been indulging and overeating. Believe me, I considered other possibilities, but I *KNOW* that this is because of overindulging on foods that are honestly no good for me. No excuses.

You're right - I need to "reconnect" with myself. In trying to push through all of the crap during the week, I've actually neglected myself quite a bit.

Maria7 on 02/26/2022:
We are both 6 pounds over our goal weights.

Donkey on 02/27/2022:
I had not noticed that. I'm glad that you pointed that out, actually. Let's get through this together!

bearcountrygg on 02/27/2022:
It's easy to try to use food to deal with other things.....food is easy to get and doesn't talk back......No wonder so many use it as a calming source....Been there.

Jacky82020 on 02/27/2022:
One sure reads a lot of crap on FB!

But you’re on the right track. Not allowing weight to get out of hand. Aim for 135 like HoP suggests & then shoot for 130. Increments are good.

Donkey on 02/27/2022:
That's a good idea, to break it up into increments. My priority is to get back down to 135. My next increment would be to be a consistent 133. This may seem silly to you, but I think I need that little step in between 135 and 130 to pause.

Jacky82020 on 02/27/2022:
Not silly at all! Great idea! Donkey smart!

Donkey on 02/27/2022:
:-) Also, I should add that 133 is a number that my body likes, once it gets there, so that also is a good reason to settle there for a bit before moving on.

Jacky82020 on 02/27/2022:
Listen to your body!

horn_of_plenty on 02/27/2022:
I agree with you and Jacky...about the extra solid 133 increment...i would also prefer more of a breakdown when losing 5lbs...as efficiently/slowly/comfortably and easily as possible.

Donkey - Friday Feb 25, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.5

Yesterday was a better day overall.  I managed my time much, much better yesterday.  I had a lovely evening, with a square of dark chocolate, cup of decaf, a bike ride, TV and conversation with Husband.  Met my steps, stayed away from food fits, did upper body weights last night.

I'm so glad today is Friday.   There was work drama yesterday, that didn't involve me directly, but I was asked for my recount of an incident that happened about a month ago, and my input.  The problem really stemmed from there being NO attorney available to finish up some closings, so Male Co-Worker did the best he could, but got overwhelmed and didn't handle it very well.  I can so relate.  Unfortunately, I feel like the situation is irreparable - that bridge is burned.  It's whatever.

Actually, though, I'm hoping that this may be one more impetus to get Male Co-Worker to retire.  There are really good things on the horizon for he & his wife, which, if they happen, might make him realize that it's time to put negativity like this work drama behind him.

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/25/2022:
Sounds like you had a good productive day. There just seem to be so many incidents on job sites now......everyone is feeling the pressure.

Jacky82020 on 02/25/2022:
Glad you had a nice evening!

Does your place mostly do residential real estate? I find the contracts so boilerplate. I’ve purchased them online & have bought & sold houses myself. Did have an attorney review the contracts as I was out of the area & did not want to drive to file the deeds. He had a nice paralegal lady file them for me.

Donkey - Thursday Feb 24, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.5

CAKE is a four-letter word.  But I think I have everything out of the house now that I could reach for, other than dark chocolate - and I can only have a little bit of that - for after dinner.  *sigh* Yes, DD friends, last night was another fail.  Not Emotional Eating Episode but just flat out rebellion and/or indulgence.  Not sure which word describes it best.  However, all was not lost because I actually realized a few things that will help me do better.

The problem started when I saw that the Garmin had me at 8500 steps, which meant that I'd have to walk a bit on the treadmill after dinner, which I did not want to do.  I much prefer to spend my evenings in the basement with Husband, riding my bike, watching a little TV, sitting with the cats, etc.

So I'm not getting enough steps in the day.  This is partly because I'm busier now, so I don't have as many opportunities to get up and walk around.  The other part is that Associate Attorney hogs up the conference room, to walk around (and get steps) while talking on the phone.  I'm talking 1-2+ hours.  I can only go up and down the stairs so many times; the weather is not condusive to stepping out for a quick walk around the building.

Also, I'm at a point where I can't have goodies in the house, so I've cleared those out.

My Garmin was also very helpful in showing me that my morning bike rides aren't the best use of my time.  And I was quite pleased last night to see that I met the February step challenge (100,000 steps) AND the February walking-miles challenge already. Finally, last night, I congratulated myself for keeping up with my push-up challenge this month so far (3 sets of 20 modified push-ups a day).

So really, it's not all that bad, even with last night's eating.  I feel that I'm in a good spot for moving forward, making changes,

PS  No weights this morning, so hoping to get in enough steps today, so that I can do weights tonight. Hard to say - we're supposed to be getting a big snow (5 inches is "big" to shovel) this afternoon/tonight, so not sure. 

Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 3.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 02/24/2022:
I've only read your first 2 lines so far...but last night wasn't a fail.....We always want what we can't have.......Try to find something to replace that instead. I'm not a promoter of jello or pudding but could you replace something with a SF version...or a SF version of chocolate...( you already know how artificial sweeteners make you feel..)...it could at the very least force you to eat less. Back a few years ago I was waking up at night and considering getting up and doing something else.....but I didn't want to create another bad habit.....so I told myself ( self talk...LOL)....that sure...I could get up...but if I did...I had to wash the kitchen floor!!!!!! Funny how that choice was easy...either go back to sleep or wash a floor at 1 in the morning...easy choice and I stopped waking up at 1.

Donkey on 02/25/2022:
I forgot to try Maria's suggestion of SF hot cocoa. That was an excellent suggestion.

I have to chuckle at your floor suggestion, but I totally get what you are saying. I've used this approach before. I will think of some accountability step. Time to use that trick again, I think.

bearcountrygg on 02/24/2022:
Push ups....WOW!!! I will now consider you the push up queen!!!! I never picked up on that before. I wonder who decided that 10,000 steps was necessary....does that mean that if you "ONLY" get in 9,999 you failed??? I don't think so! You still did great with 8,500...and then found you had surpassed your Feb goals early!! Happy that turned that frown upside down!!! YEAH YOU!!!!

Donkey on 02/25/2022:
I hadn't thought about steps in that way, but you're completely correct. 9,999 steps isn't any less of an accomplishment just because I didn't meet the 10,000 goal.

I read an online article - maybe it was CNN? - a while back on how they came up with the recommendation for 10,000 steps a day. There's also the "250 steps an hour" goal.

You're right though, that I've done pretty good this month, and I shouldn't discount those accomplishments.

Jacky82020 on 02/24/2022:
Don’t be hard on yourself. Your scale numbers are holding steady.

Did you ever hear Joan Baez’s song: Love is just a four letter word? Great song. Your post called it to mind.

Donkey on 02/25/2022:
Ooo, I'll have to listen to her song at work today. I haven't heard it, but I love Joan Baez's voice. So clear.

horn_of_plenty on 02/24/2022:
i really agree wholeheartedly with Bear in what she says at the beginning.. it's like, yeah, who determined that 10k is a win and anything less or 8500 is not a win!? you generally do really well with your exercises. and you still got 85% of the steps. that really good! and you probably burned similar cals in the day compared with a 10,000 step day. really.

you've been having a pretty busy winter. sometimes, it is ok to do less than do more...it may help you with stress. however, this is my advice and what works best for me as i'm also an introvert; but enjoy taking my time and not rushing with most anything when i can. i like a slow pace. so, i'm not sure it's the best advice to give you as it's good to be efficient..

Donkey on 02/25/2022:
Thank you! The numbers can be a blessing but also sometimes a curse. Every day has victories and fails, and I must remember to celebrate the victories, too, and not just dwell on the shortcomings. Obvious, right? But I actually forgot that until just now, from your comment.

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