Trying hard to find enthusiasm for the day. I had such a nice weekend... who on earth would want to go back to the office? Especially since I know today has some difficult files to deal with. Well, either it happens or it doesn't. Queen Bee will be there today... At least I do not have yoga tonight, so I don't have to worry about having to leave exactly at 5pm.
I need help with my nutrition. Last night, I was really wanting some kind of feedback or direction on eating. Well, I realized that if I tracked my foods, I could get that feedback right away. I tried using the tracking feature on my FitBit a few months ago, and could NOT get it to record the correct amount of rice that I was going to eat. I just gave up from there. I know a lot of people use My Fitness App to track their food, especially for those who are tracking "macros". I don't like to use apps if I can avoid it.
I did go to the gym yesterday afternoon and did lower body weights with no issues. Came home and had a delightful dinner with my family, and then a relaxing evening.
Well, I'd better get the day started. Hoping for the best.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Happy Mother's Day to all the moms - Kid moms and Pet moms :-) We celebrated yesterday, and I had a very nice day. Nothing too eventful, nice a quiet. Went to the gym and had a nice workout. Had nice dinner with my family. Had a quiet, relaxing evening. Slept for nearly 9 hours.
I'll be calling my mom sometime today. We sent her flowers, since we can't visit in person. My mom and I aren't really on the same wavelength (so to speak) on many things in life (never have been), but it's been a while since we've spoken on the phone.
I would like to go to the gym and do lower body weights, BUT I went to bed with a tight right hip and woke up with hip pain persisting, even though I took 2 12-hour Aleve. While I was riding my bike, I was feeling some slight lower back spasms, so I'm not sure that I should be doing leg weights today... I'll do some stretches when I'm done here and re-evaluate how I feel this afternoon, before making a final decision.
I went to the gym yesterday and did well with the upper body weights. Still struggled with night-time eating. This seems to be a consistent vulnerable time for me. I stayed strong, having 1 sheet of graham crackers (75 calories) and the last of the vanilla protein shake (30 calories? 50?).
In 2 weeks, the Disabled Veterans program is having an outdoor hike at one of the local forest preserves. However, the Conservation District is also offering a "Beginner's Cross-Fit" excursion at a different forest preserve. I've been toying with the idea of doing Cross Fit, to amp up my weight training goals. Obviously, though, I cannot be in 2 places at once. I think I have to pay for the Cross-Fit excursion, so I don't want to sign up if I can't show up. Husband really wants to try to do the Veterans hike though, and I definitely need to support him in that. Plus it's nice to have a few activities that we can share together. With his limitations and our different interests, there aren't many things that we do do together. The thing is that if Husband isn't feeling well or the weather is the slightest icky (wet = slick), then either he won't go or the event will cancel.
I've been chipping away at the "cat in the library" puzzle. It's a picture of a black cat surrounded by stacks of books. The problem is, all that is left are all black pieces for the cat. So now, it's a matter of analyzing by shape and size. LOL! I was quite pleased that I was able to find 5-7 pieces that fit, BUT I took one piece out of its place because I don't think it belonged there. I'll spend a few minutes today, too, to see if I can make more progress.
Just trying to relax before the next workweek starts. The Boss is leaving early on Friday, to attend a family graduation downstate. Nice Guy will be out. So that will leave us with just 1 attorney. Great.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Yesterday sounded like a full day, i'm sure that's why you were able to sleep so well last night!
maybe stretch it our massage the body part that is tight/stressed.
the hike is what i'd do...because with crossfit there's a lot of "snatching and jumping" in my opinion and easy to injure oneself (my opinion).
i hope you'll share a photo of the end-result of the puzzle once you finish!
A little hunger, unless unbearable, shouldn't be necessary, you are right. also, veggies at meals will help. especially when you are home, if you need to feel very full (i still do). (regarding your entry below). congrats on not needing the scale.
it's too bad mistakes girl will come back...just to make more mistakes. i really think your office needs someone else...(and perhaps pay them something more...? - like a newly graduated paralegal or someone with an associates ?)
oh, i hope your keto pizza was nice! yum! you just reminded me, i can have that for dinner after work tomorrow! (i have two frozen ones in the freezer).
I looked at my step-count for Saturday and Sunday. You are right - I was busy! 35,000+ steps on Saturday and 30,000+ steps for Sunday. That's a lot for me.
I don't disagree with your comments about Mistakes Girl. She has told me that she's asked for a raise twice. She doesn't get raises because she makes so many mistakes! I don't think she realizes this. Yes, she has taken on more responsibilities, but the quality of her work has not improved, pretty much from the day she started.
There are 2 advantages to Mistakes Girl coming back:
1. Won't have to spend the time and energy to train someone new.
2. We all like her, and she DOES help keep me calm by setting a good example.
It felt strange not to weigh in this morning, but letting my body settle into its proper weight is the purpose/goal for this month. Since the beginning of May, though, I've been struggling more with hunger. Maybe I'm more aware of it? Maybe I'm eating less so I actually do feel hungry? It's not a strong hunger, but just a nagging hunger. It's been so crazy this past week though that I haven't had time or energy or awareness to really sit with the hunger, feel it for what it is, embrace it, perhaps, and appreciate more what I do have in life. AFter all, a lot of humans have to live with hunger -- and much worse hunger -- than I do, for much longer.
I think this little hunger is a sign that I'm doing things right. I read on a fitness FB group that to get lean(er), you need to have a calorie deficit, but that it doesn't need to be a painful experience. That probably best describes what I've been feeling. I hope I'm not wrong about my hunch; time will tell.
Mistakes Girl will be coming back to work in 2 weeks. It is becoming SO obvious in our files that she was not really clearly thinking the past 1-2 months or so. Files that she had worked on are closing, and the mistakes and omissions are causing a lot of problems. New Guy is on vacation in Mexico for 1.5 weeks, next week. So no one to take of his files. He never connected with me at the end of the day yesterday, so I have no idea where he has left off on his files.
Anyway, what this means for me is that it's important to rest up and relax this weekend, because next week may be a real struggle. I'm glad I took next Monday off from yoga; the last thing I need is another time commitment.
It is cool and sunny this morning, but it looks like we might get some rain this evening. Daughter has to work tomorrow, so we're celebrating Mother's Day today. My daughter got me some flowers and lovely, fun gifts. Keto pizza tonight for dinner, which I will have in moderation, with a green salad. It has been determined that we do not need any more cake in this house.
I'm hoping to get to the gym today or tonight, with an upper body weights workout.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Good question though. My Boss did say something to the effect of, Do we want her back? Male Co-Worker got mad at him.
Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
Well, I did well with eating last night because I was not home. However that also means that I did not get my 2nd leg weights without either. However, I'm glad that our errands last night are out of the way, so that I can enjoy a relaxing weekend.
I was out late, so I was up late, and did not get much sleep. Thank goodness it's Friday. Work should be manageable. I don't have a lot of tasks. Associate Attorney will be out at closings all morning. Boss and New Guy will be out at closings all afternoon. No Queen Bee.
We're celebrating Mother's Day more on Saturday, because Daughter has the day off. I'm looking forward to working on my puzzle, going to the gym, a virtual tour of the Illinois Holocaust Museum - something I've wanted to visit in person, but with COVID, that has been delayed...
Can't wait for the weekend!
NOTE: I edited my entry to correct some grammatical error(s), but I wanted to let you know, too, if you're reading my entries, that I replied to comments to yesterday's diary entry too. You may want to read those, too, if you like :-)
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
Virtual tour of museum sounds interesting.
So yesterday was a sad day. We're all grieving about the loss of the baby. Mistakes Girl was something like 22 weeks along, maybe 23? Last week, when she was on bedrest, she told me that even though she was bored, it was nice to just sit and feel the baby kicking, and he kicked a LOT! The doctors told her over the weekend, when she started having more difficulties, that if the baby could hold on for 8 more days, that it would be a viable fetus, and they could try to save it. Anything less than that, and they would not try. So.... what, 5 or 6 more days and the story would have been completely different. Really heart-breaking... Little Noah, you were much loved by all of us.
My Boss was like, "When do you think she'll be able to come back?" WHAT???? Well, I said, that most women, after giving birth, leave the hospital the next day, and "take it easy" (ha ha ha) for a few days. So physically, Mistakes Girl might be ready to come back on Monday. But emotionally? Who can tell? And this may have been so life-changing for her that she may not ever want to come back to this office, and seek her happiness elsewhere.
Last night was cardio only - no weights. I had a few sips of the 170 calorie vanilla protein shake that I've been working away at. (I only keep them open for a week at the most.) I opted not to have my "treat" of graham crackers, because I felt that I was more TIRED than actually HUNGRY. The protein shake was sweet enough to keep my cravings still.
The past couple of nights I haven't had my "treat" and while I don't wake up hungry, I'm finding that my breakfasts aren't holding me as much. Maybe it's the stress from work.
Speaking of which, I broke the 11th Commandment yesterday - Thou shall not eat thy Boss' food - and had a very small amount of nuts that were in the pantry. Less than 20 nuts, so approximately 100-120 calories. I just needed something more substantial than fruit to get through the morning.
And oh how I was TEMPTED to continue to break more eating "rules" later on in the day --- that freezer cake calling to me --- but I stood strong and rational. Just because I broke 1 eating "rule" doesn't give me a reason to go off the deep end. Even the ploy of "eating out of grief" (for Mistakes Girl) did not work this time, last night.
So major victories, I think, in the dieting world. But each day is a battle. I know that it could have easily been a very bad eating day yesterday, too.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
But she did respond, telling me that she had spent the morning making cremation arrangements for little Noah. She said it was the hardest thing she's ever had to do. I can't even imagine.
So this was weighing heavy on my heart for most of the remainder of the day...
will write more later re your entry here later! also i wrote a question to you in response to your comments on my entry.
My thing is portions and calories. ALWAYS, it seems. Perhaps it was a good thing to have a mix of carbs and protein, since I always do a bike ride in the evenings, to stretch out my lower back, before any weight training. So that needs carbs.
I've recently read that one should do weights before cardio. I don't see that ever happening to me, but never say never.
you know, grahm cracker and protein shake sounds to be a good snack after workout.
My thing was, just why the heck would she want to come back to this kind of treatment? If this were me, I'd come back and then start looking for another job immediately... unless I thought I was going to try to get pregnant again, soon. Then I might stick around at our company for a little longer.
Actually, it's really hard to tell what I would do in her situation. I'm so sad for her and her husband.
I guess that's the reality of it. The Boss is a nice fellow, but at the end of the day, he's a capitalist and a business man, and a money-maker. And each one of us is replaceable.
Let me get the logistics out of the way first....
Had an awesome upper body workout last night. Drank 1/4 of a protein shake to recover, and then went upstairs to get ready for bed. However, as I was setting up to turn off the light, I felt hungry again. I was so tempted to get up and walk all the way downstairs to the basement to finish the shake, but just went to bed instead. I did not wake up especially hungry this morning, but now that I've finished my morning bikeride, I'm hungry. I'm not sure breakfast will be able to hold me for long, so I'll pack extra fruit for my morning snack at work.
Worked out last night in spite of going car shopping after dinner until almost 8pm. I give myself credit for being self-disciplined, especially since - for me - it's so easy to talk myself out of doing weights.
Work was not too bad yesterday. Manageable, let's say. Queen Bee was easier to deal with, I felt, and actually helpful for me. I won't go too much more into what happened yesterday, because this morning I received a text from Male Co-Worker that Mistakes Girl lost the baby last night. I haven't had time, really, to process this, so I can only imagine how she must be feeling. I still have no expectations of if or when she will return. Part of me thinks that now that she knows how she would have been treated had she had the baby, I'd be looking for another place to work.
No Queen Bee today, because she could only come in Tuesday and Thursday this week. I really just need peace & quiet today, but I'm expecting Nice Lady to go on and on and on about the miscarriage. I think we're all going to be grieving a little (a lot) today...
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
How many calories did that protein shake have? I keep meaning to drink a warmed 110-160 cal protein drink before bedtime. I’m back to my waking up starving at 3 AM and eating a dessert. Last night it was a peach cobbler topped by whip cream. This has to stop!
Yes, you are very self-disciplined on your workouts.
they do say the best recovery is some carbs...don't be afraid to have a small amount before bed with your protein shake. or a choc or something to calm your sweet tooth.
it's really nice & quiet today here at work :)
Plans have changed unexpectedly at work. Mistakes Girl is gone. Her pregnancy has turned suddenly very high-risk, and she is home for 8 days on bedrest and then she will be at the hospital until the baby is born, which, after the 8 days at home, could be days, weeks, a couple of months. It's very ironic: we want her back, but then that would mean that she lost the baby. If she has the baby, then she won't be back.
So as you can imagine, I was very miserable at work. I didn't really have time to process all of the emotions. The phones were quite busy. Nice Lady was not very helpful. It was all I could do to keep up with my workload, much less anything that Mistakes Girl might have had to do. Male Co-Worker and New Guy, I think were handling her emails - I hope so because it wasn't me! New Guy was working his own files (instead of Mistakes Girl helping him keep track). When I heard that Queen Bee was coming back to the office, though, I just wanted to start crying.
Obviously, I'm quite upset at all of that, but I may be almost upset with my Boss. He took my monthly statistics worksheets and lost them over the weekend. He also lost the login and password for the job ad website that he set up -- Mistakes Girl already had to reset the password once last week. The password and login were written in BIG letters on a BIG sheet of paper on Thursday. He lost them. I don't know how I will recover my stats. It would take me 2-3 hours to try to reconstruct the data for April. Male Co-Worker helped him with the online ad, but then the Boss still couldn't get the password to work.
So my work-life balance is about to take a HUGE hit. I'm taking a break from yoga for 1 week, to see if things will even themselves out at work. Then, I am switching to Yin yoga, which is more stretching rather than movement, to focus on relaxing and destressing. GOOD.
My May focus will become a challenge. I must remember not to eat when what I really am is fatigued. I must remember not to eat when what I really am is stressed. I can do this. I got this - as long as I can stay focused on my goal. GOOD.
I'm anticipating longer work hours. I could have stayed until 6pm if I didn't have yoga tonight. This is one reason why I don't want to stay away from yoga for too long. Maybe I need to be a little more firm about how late I stay. This may greatly depend on how the workload shifts AND how quickly we can find a viable replacement.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
I will try to share a screen shot of my Fitbit sleep stats soon. I'm not the swiftest when it comes to technology.
Can you call the company of that product you did to make your files ? Maybe they can help you recover them? How can they just be gone....maybe they can give you a temp password - there is usually an ability to do these things ....fingers crossed for you.
I see you think you can hold down the fort - but the fort needs a replacement for mistakes girl. I hope your boss can figure it out and hire someone better than her - and soon...
Remember to rest and get your sleep and try to take care of of yourself. I’m rooting for you.
Very short on time - I shouldn't even been logging in, LOL. Have to drive my husband to drop off the minivan at the detailers before work. We're looking to trade her in for something newer with more safety features, since Husband can't turn his neck to check for blindspots any more. Plus, the minivan is going to need some major repairs soon. As much as I hate it, now is the time to let her go...
Had a GREAT weights workout at the gym. After 15 mintues (plus 5 minute cooldown) on the elliptical, I did 8 weight machines, 4 upper body and 4 lower body. I didn't register as many steps on my Fitbit as I thought I might, but the steps that I had were really productive. That's why step-counts can be quite deceptive; they don't tell the whole story of how hard you've worked.
Slipped up a little bit with my evening treat. My muscles felt really depleated, so even though it was after dinner, I had half a protein shake. This may have been triggered by having mostly carbs for dinner, but I had some leftovers I wanted to finish up and clear out of ther refrigerator. THEN I had my 2 sheets of Graham crackers (130 calories). I'm struggling with why I can't seem to limit myself to only 1 sheet (4 rectangles), especially last night since I had the protein shake sips too.
Must log off now... Just remembered that I have a broken copy machine to look forward to today at work...
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
I kinda knew when I was eating dinner last night (Sunday) that my meal was too carby and not enough protein and fat to keep me satisfied. The protein shake was a good fall-back. Could have gone a totally different direction --- being nighttime calories and all.
Great job at the gym, as you may have noticed, someone asked me to tell them my exercises, so i listed all the weight training exercises i do, including my situps. i think it came out to 5 upper body and 4 lower body. that's it!
i'm onto a similar thing to graham crackers, animal crackers are what i'm into now. there was a tub on sale at the supermarket :)
I didn't even think about the soccer mom thing, but you're right! Husband and I were talking, and he's like, We don't even take road trips any more. We don't because I have driving issues and also my back hurts when riding for more than 3 hours.
Another warm beautiful day -- even better than yesterday, because yesterday was a little too windy.
I did well with eating yesterday. I got hungry around 4pm, but refrained from eating (much - had a couple of strawberries) because we were having dinner at 5:15p, when Daughter comes home from work, for her dinner break. I was very tempted to have a small glass of wine to relax and enjoy, but didn't because I was plannig to drive to the gym later. I didn't have second helpings, but did reach for a couple more Brussels spouts. Second helpings on vegetables and fresh fruits are always OK.
However, I did *not* go to the gym last night. I realized that I am out of the habit of going to the gym --- wow, that didn't take much to fall out of that habit! - so I need to re-establish this habit. Like Happy said, Sometimes the answer is do more not less.
I ended up having my evening treat at around 8:30pm when I started feeling hungry again. 130 calories in Graham crackers. Perhaps I should have tried to skip it and just go to bed. I did not have this as dessert, earlier, because I was still feeling full from dinner. I'll have to think about this. 8:30pm might be too late to eat, unless, of course, I had gone to the gym in the evening. UGH!!!
Still I have no regrets about skipping the gym. I felt it was important to focus on relaxing, especially since I was stressed and anxious earlier in the day. My dear Husband called and got an estimate for a fence. I think he has a couple of more fence people coming out for comparison estimates. I'm just so sad that it's come to this... but like I said yesterday, climbing the trees is where I draw the line. I mentioned to Husband that this year, it seems as though the trespassing has become worse. Just total disregard for respect of one's private property -- mostly kids, but some adults too! Goodness gracious!
My plan is to go to the gym today. I can either do an upper body weight training session or try to make it a full body workout, depending on time. With the weather so nice, I'm hoping the gym will be emptier than usual.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
It's a delicate balance between the need to rest and inertia. It's not laziness that I struggle with but inertia. Reading your words though helped frame this in a different way. It went from a "I should go" thing, but became "I want to go" thing.
Responding to your Saturday entry: I guess you can put up a fence / gate so people do not come thru (but that is money) another thing is the planting of bushes, another "road block" of sorts...
I like that you are reducing your cardio when you do weights...like a give and take so you do not feel so torn to fit things in. i support that thinking.
LOL, we have Konica machines at work too. they seem to mostly work very well :)
Is it a good morning? I'm not sure. My husband and I are having a difference of opinion over a problem we're having with people cutting through our yard to access the neighborhood part. This started last night, and we haven't had any productive conversations about a resolution. I think I'd rather just be quiet about it - and everything - for a while today, perhaps this weekend.
I do not want this to overshadow my time off, which is very precious to me - at least right now. My days off are very important to de-stress and re-set myself mentally. I don't need friction with my husband to interfere with that.
Anyway, happy May! Happy new month! I was surprised, actually, to see a little weight loss this morning. This will be my last weigh-in for May -- I haven't decided if I will weigh in on May 29th (the last Saturday of the month) or if I will just wait until June 5th. The idea, the goal, is to focus on healthy habits -- I know what I need to do -- and see what kind of results I get at the end of the month.
I think those will work for me. Well, it's just for May. In June, I can change things up again.
Something was up with Nice Lady at work yesterday. She was SO chatty. She would go from the Boss, to me, to Mistake's Girl , to Male Co-Worker, all day long to chat. I mean, she would go back to her desk in between chat sessions, but oh my goodness. I could tell in the later afternoon that this was REALLY getting on Male Co-Worker's nerves. He gave a look that said, "WTH?!" but I kind of just ignored that --- that is to say, I didn't feed into that.
Then she broke the main copy machine where several people in our office print from. I don't even know why she was using THAT machine, because she has her own delux copier/scanner/printer. I think she expected someone else to call the repairman, but we made her do it. Monday, someone from Konica Minolta will call us to let us know when the tech guy can come out to fix it.
Taking a cue from my observations earlier this week, I tried hard to not let her neediness get to me. Breaking the copier/printer/scanner kind of was my breaking point, but it was at the end of the day, so I just went home.
Progress as of today: 41.5 lbs lost so far, only 10 lbs to go!
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Mondays are tough.....good idea to use the tracking feature to get things back in line. That is one thing I do like about WW...it reminds me to eat more veggies. Have a good day!
I'm going to try the tracking app Fat Secret, but some others I'll check out are Lose It and Carb Counter, although I'm not counting carbs.
horn_of_plenty on 05/10/2021:
i do agree that having a personality like mistakes girl is a nice thing for the office. i'm sorry she just makes so many mistakes. perhaps you can work on training her...maybe she can now improve, it may get her mind off her loss, to do some training now..remind her of certain things to check again. ask her to dble check like if she says she does something, ask her to review it a second time. i thinking she needs to slow down, dbl check?
sorry you gotta see QB.
you can always list your foods here, you know "HOP will comment!"
I'm really glad you ended your weekend effectively to start the week well. on that note, you are on a roll. You are in a good place, despite everything you feel.
also, your chart: you are doing a GREAT job maintaining for 6 months straight. you do not have to do much to have any decline as you are very used to your weight now, believe it or not.
perhaps, just work on maintaining your current weight, in your mind, it may put you at ease? see if you can keep your current weight for a couple more months, knowing that you basically have it done well already. see what it takes to maintain just as you are. take notes (mentally) of what can be done in the future to lose, based on your maintenance. maybe see what could work, see what works for us here, and use it later.
maybe less pressure to lose weight, as you aren't in any sort of unhealthy place.
one thing that is helpful you know i'll say is cooked veggies at mealtimes to fill up a larger portion of the plate. also, less protein at one time (half portions) if you want to save on calories - and this is something i picked up from my friend once - who gained weight a lot over a time that was stressful, but now she's on the decline (thanks to ME! as her guide!). she eats are usual meals but at dinner she does low carb, but i did that just at first with her, since the rest of her day is high carb...and because i knew she'd see an immediate drop in calories bc she was eating bowls of pasta for dinner...and i wanted to see her eat vegetables....and protein.
I came to the realization about a year ago that Mistakes Girl isn't trainable to improve. Believe me when I say that we've tried. We all have.
I just don't feel comfortable at this weight. I can feel the extra 10 pounds. I don't know. I mean I know you're right but I'm not ready to give up yet. BUT maybe this is something to really think about. Being satisfied with where I'm at, on a long-term basis...
happy-1 on 05/11/2021:
Cronometer is the gold standard for nutrition tracking.