Day 56:
I finally remembered to weigh in. I had intended to do this over the weekend, but kept forgetting. Still maintaining!
I went to Yin Yoga yesterday. This is a slow class, where we hold seated or lying down poses for longer periods of time. It's a wonderful stretch, but this morning I woke up with a sore neck.
I did a "gentle yoga" session later in the afternoon, at home, using the app on my phone. I was startled when I actually fell over during a position where I was on my hands and knees (with a twist). That was sobering. Losing my balance on my hands and knees???
I see now where my struggle lies. I've pushed this off to the side for a while, moving forward in denial. But one way or another, I WILL have to face the limitations of my body.
I try to do too much. In trying to achieve the position or sequence, I overdo it, to show that I can do it. This means that my practice is ego-driven, and that's not good. (Basically, I'm showing off, to others, perhaps, but mostly to myself. )
My limitations may be due to the body I've been given, they may be due to age. They are difficult to acknowledge, much less to respect.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Day 54: Intention: Today I honor my body's abilities.
I think I will skip going to Slow Warm Yoga class today, and just pratice at home. I want to see my daughter before she goes to work, and my hips are still sore.
Low-Key Voice-Over: Recap of Thursday night's new yoga adventure...
(cue LOUD dramatic music)
DONKEY'S YOGA DISASTER 3: ONE HOT MESS
Let me preface this by saying that I was the only student there. There is something to be said to being in a larger group of people, even if I'm the only one there floundering like a walrus. When you're in a group, you can kind of hide. You can look at other students (who know what they are doing) to see what you should be doing. Being the only one there kind of puts all of my flaws and errors right out there in the open.
So, I walk into New Yoga Studio, and I am greated warmly by instructor Jeanne (Jean), who is 66 and has had a double hip replacement. She is not familiar with me, so she asks me what my yoga background is. I tell her about my Yoga Disaster in September, when I took that free class (and paid dearly for it, physically and with humility). Jeanne asks me who taught that class. I say, "Marianne". She says, "Oh, Marianne is one of the hardest yoga instructors in the area. She was MY teacher."
She then goes on to say: "I'll modify my program tonight so I don't work you too hard. " Um... "This class is normally taught at a 2+ level, so I'll bring it down to a 2, maybe a little under." Uh... I must have misread the class description that said all levels welcome. I just checked and it says, "This is a faster-pace all levels class." That would be a big NO -- fast means more advanced, I don't care what they say. All levels may be welcome, but the newbies like me are gonna end up being big sweat balls by the end of the class.
One of the positives of her class is that she DOES correct form, so she made some verbal cues and actually helped me physically adjust some of my poses so that I get the true benefit of the position. THAT was MUCH appreciated. I know that yoga is all about honoring your body and doing what your body can do (and respecting what it cannot do), but it's important to me to know the proper form, and then THAT can be modified.
Although it's not the fastest yoga class - remember, she said she'd tone it down - I was struggling to keep up, and by that I mean, literally huffing and puffing. I found that positions that I can do when I just do them, say like when brushing my teeth or standing in front of the TV, I cannot do when motion is involved - as in, part of a movement sequence. Also, my extra cushion-y mat is counterproductive to achieving balance on one leg/foot. A harder, firmer surface is better. Whatever this class may have been, it was DEFINITELY a learning experience for me, and that's another huge positive for me in my journey.
So I'm struggling - yes, really struggling - to keep up with the sequence, follow her cues, execute proper form. This isn't Hot Yoga, but I'm starting to sweat. I thought I was doing OK though, until at one point, she says, "Do you want water? (doesn't wait for me to answer) I'm going to get you a bottle of water, because I don't want you to pass out on the floor!" LOL! I figured that I must truly look a hot mess to prompt her concern. Oh dear... oh dear Donkey...
EPILOGUE: I really did like this class, and I REALLY appreciated all of the insight and the perspective from the teacher. I do want to do this class again - after all, everyone has a Beginning. However, the soreness in my hip joints yesterday and today have me wondering if I'm ready for this, if I'll EVER be ready for this. (I'll explain)
See, after class, Jeanne says to me, "In my own personal yoga practice, I only do the slower paced Yin Yoga because of my own limitations." WHAT???? That's like me coaching you to do a milllion sit-ups while I sit on my butt.
So I don't know. This is the class and venue (small & private) I've been looking for to advance my yoga practice. But I do not know if my body is up for this advancement. Next week is Thanksgiving, so no class, thankfully (no pun intended). I would like to try this again, and if I can keep up, incorporate it as a regular class that I attend, if my body will permit it. See, I don't know if I'm sore just as it was a different workout, or if I'm sore because my body can't handle it.
It would be interesting to see what I think and how I feel if there are others in attendance. Believe me when I say that when there are others in the class, it changes the whole dynamic and experience (for me, personally). Additionally, at New Yoga Studio, it's only been women. I realized about a month ago that if/when there are men in any given yoga class (i.e. Cat Yoga), it definitely changes the experience for me, and not necessarily in a positive way. I've looked online at other yoga studios, and when realizing they had male instructors I was like, "Not ready for that." So what's that all about?
DRAMATIC VOICE-OVER: Stay tuned for upcoming previews of Donkey's Yoga Disaster 4... (lol)
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
I want to write more about this. You've really made me think.
then, after all, you were going for the Yin Yoga too. you said it yourself, you like the slower yoga. so i do i DO think you are ready for it - you are just trying all the types and finding what you like.
go you, a private less. I DO hope your soreness subsides and i DO think it will.
at least you got your money / time's worth with this private lesson.
that's prob why they advertise it...to build up the practice.
if you struggle, you will not be the only one struggling. it's not like you don't exercise at all! so, i am quite sure there would be others in the same predicament as you if they had gone there!
i have had a private lesson in pilates once. she pushed me very hard bc it was a private lesson and i was sore for a few days from that...made me never want to do it again lol. but bc it's so expensive and i myself am not interested in going anywhere except my home for exercise right now, i pilates is not on my mind either. (plus i would never stick to something that needs such a lot of outside heavy equipment like that ...not now anyways.)
I will also (try to) respect my body's limitations. THIS is what I'm really struggling with, I realize.
Day 53: Intention: Today I will remain focused in a quiet calmness. Mantra: Let it roll.
The boss is back at work today - a day early - so that will change the office dynamics for sure. He popped in yesterday afternoon. I tried to seem interested in his trip to Italy, which I am and was, but after Chair Yoga, I was kind of tired, and he wanted to get stuff done, too. I'm sure there will be more chatter about it today.
In a way, this is a good thing that he's back early, because there are 3 files that need immediate attention and frankly, Associate Attorney just didn't manage his time wisely enough to get it done. So at least my boss can determine if he wants to address these 3 files today OR let Associate Attorney finish it up this afternoon. That is to say, at least **I** am not the one making that determination - either way is fine by me, because I'm letting it roll.
I keep choosing this mantra because there is a song by the old band Wings (Paul McCartney after the Beatles) called "Let It Roll", so I sing this to myself throughout the day, and it helps keep me focused on just letting things go... I thought about changing the mantra to "Roll With It" but the music cue helps me more, I think. And I love that song.
Library Chair Yoga was good - challenging in some respects. At one point, the teacher had us standing for a few poses - some of them requiring balancing on one foot, which I thought was VERY challenging for chair yoga. Anyway, we're standing up and all I could think about is how much I wanted to sit down. I think I'm battling off getting sick, because yet another co-worker (Mortgage Guy) is sick. We're all taking turns getting sick, and so far, I've been pretty lucky. So maybe that's why I was feeling "tired"???
So, I was rather surprised at myself for wanting to sit down so badly because normally, at work, that's all I do is sit, and I'm eager to get up and walk around. (Fitbit reminds me to do this every hour.) I'm not sure where that feeling of fatigue was coming from...
My husband commented to me that out of all 3 chair yogas that we do, the library one is his least favorite. It's more exercise - focusing on posture and body dynamics (e.g. how to get up off a chair correctly) - rather than focusing on the principles of yoga (breathing, dissolving into the stretches, etc. - NOT in a religious aspect at all). But I think that's why I like this teacher (Allison); it's DIFFERENT. She's about 15 years older than I am. I want to be like her when I grow up. Not that I disagree with my husband, but just saying that it's good to have a different perspective.
Misc. Random Thoughts:
it's good your boss is being efficient and coming into the office to see how everything's going...
i like your mantra and def the extra song association. very creative of you and GREAT to sing to yourself the lyrics! how constructive and motivating is that!?
whenever i'm about to get sick, i recognize the "tired" feeling also - when my body just wants to sleep and sleep. right now my dad has a sore throat which i hope he'll get over soon. i think he got run down a little bit.
all your yoga plans are thoughtful of course...perhaps the yin yoga would be cool to try. can you just go one time to see if you like it?
Day 52: Intention: Today, I choose to relax and chill. Mantra: Let it roll.
The boss is back in town but not coming in until Friday, discovering, although there is the strong possibility that he'll pop in before then. I hope not.
Yesterday, Male Co-Worker took Mistakes Girl and Queen Bee out for lunch. I seized that opportunity to go shopping during my lunch hour. When I shop, it usually takes a little more than an hour, so I got my treat too! And I consider it an extra treat because this is something I can do while the boss it out. Who the h*** wants to go out to eat with those people? I truly got the better deal.
Today is Library Chair Yoga with the husband at 2 pm. Rather than work a short day, I will go on my lunch hour and meet him there. Looking forward to this, in hopes that it makes me FEEL the urge (or craving) for more yoga.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
I could go home for lunch but I would only have 20 minutes of the hour to do anything.
you totally DID get a better lunch hour! you also go to move around rather than sit out to eat. if i were in your place, i'd choose what you did too ;)
Let us know about the chair yoga. I've been asking for it, at the group therapy i'm attending, but, it hasn't been implemented yet. Meaning, they are trained, but they need to add it into the schedule as i do not think it's a "regular" item...so, it's sorta up to them if we get to do it!!
Day 52: Intention: Today I devote to focusing on my own well-being. Mantra: Take care of yourself.
I am repeating my intention and mantra today in order to re-enforce my efforts to rebalance myself. My weekend was whack, but yesterday (Monday) was better. I put forth more mental energy into remaining calm, staying on task, getting back my sense of balance and well-being. I do not see this as selfish but rather necessary, as I cannot take care of others or deal with others with kindness and patience if I myself am all over the place. So please do understand that my thought/focus is not a selfish endeavor but as charitable as I can be. After all, nobody wants to work with a crabby or deal with a mom/spouse who is unpleasant.
I am trying to remain serene and positive, but last night, when I was in bed, I realized that someone had decided to pee on the bed. Oh my word... And at 9pm and very tired already, I was not going to be able to stay up for another 2 hours to clean and dry the bedding. So I just flipped everything over, so that the top of the blankets,etc. - where the odor was eminating from - to the bottom of the bed. Right now, I've got my weighted blanket washed and air drying, and the comforter is in the washing machine. The sheets and pillowcases - not affected but need to be washed anyway - and probably a good idea to do that, just in case - will have to be done by my husband or daughter, I guess.
Stress Reduction Yoga is canceled for tonight because the instructor is out of town. For where I'm at today, that's just fine. I miss yoga, I need yoga, but I'm also OK with being home on Tuesday night. My daughter has Sunday, Monday, Tuesday off - that is the only time I get to see her, and that's if she's not out with friends, or I'm out at work or sleeping. If she decides to keep this schedule, I may not sign up for the next Tuesday night yoga series.
Next week my son comes home for Thanksgiving leave!
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
Glad to hear you will be seeing your son soon!
sorry your yoga anticipations have all been cancelled / not completed. when this happens to me, i start to CRAVE the thing i haven't done! do you feel this way now? are you craving yoga?
i do think it's totally ok to take care of yourself. we discussed this a little too at my therapy today too.
Day 51: Intention: today I devote to my health and well-being. Mantra: Take care of yourself.
Looking back over the weekend, finding or feeling a balance was definitely a struggle.
I could not get myself to do yoga at home. This is a mental block that I have to work through. My practice is suffering, and I can feel this suffering my well-being, mentally and physically. This weekend was evident of this.
I struggled all weekend with eating. Sunday was peanut butter (again) and cheese. Not feeling 100% because I wasn't eating 100%. Also, not resting enough. Just overall not taking care of myself.
On the plus side, I found 2 TV shows to watch while exercising in the evenings. For bike riding in the basement, The Crown seems like it will fit the bill. For using the treadmill in the living room, Superstore will work quite well.
I relate so well to Superstore. It's like The Office for retail workplaces. I've never worked retail, but since daughter fights and shares her stories, the show really hits well.
It's nice to have something to look forward to at the end of the day. I'm not so sure that it should be TV shows that are my only glimmer of hope, but for now, I'll take it.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
sorry about the eating. we spoke a bit about eating in my therapy group. some people struggling more than i ever had, but they are young and i think will be better someday - just like me and you have seriously learned tons about managing our eating, we def have!
Day 50:
Today I am going to try the Downward Dog yoga app on my phone, because I didn't make it to Yin Yoga at the New Yoga studio this morning. I need to return to my yoga practice, although this week, Mr. Donkey and I have Chair Yoga on Wednesday, and then I'm going to try a new yoga class (vinyasa) at the New Yoga studio.
I also want to return books to the library this afternoon. I'm torn as to whether I should go to the store to get yogurt and creamer for my workweek breakfasts/coffees. Nice to get it out of the way and be all set, but I tell ya a trip to Walmart can test one's hopes for humanity. Just sayin'... I could save this for a lunchtime trip on Monday, too, so there are options.
Volunteering at the legal clinic was interesting, and although I didn't have much to do, because the new people were being introduced and trained, I still found some joy in it. The main thing was that the other established co-volunteer has been feeling the same way as me. EXACTLY the same way - and we didn't even know this of each other!
She needs a volunteer activity in order to maintain her ministry certification with her chruch, and while I don't need to volunteer for anything mandatory, volunteering is something that I feel I need to do as a good citizen (for myself). So if it's not the legal clinic, I would have to find something else, which I'm OK with doing. Long story short, I told my co-volunteer that with prayer and thought, I've decided to ride these changes out, to see where they go. The changes may or may not be permanent, and I value my friendship with Co-Volunteer and Leader Lady (also a volunteer, but she's our leader) that I'm willing to ride this wave, at least for now.
So while I realize that legal clinic has become more of a "sixth workday", I'm not quite at the point where I'm ready to leave. Plus, I really like the new people! So why not partake in this opportunity to become friends with these people too?
Went out to dinner last night with my husband. I did alright, except that he couldn't finish his dessert, so I helped him out with that. With all the talk about salmon, I had a beautiful salad with broiled salmon on top. Overall, it was very nice, but kind of expensive.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
Also I love fried food but being keto or low carb, trying to avoid breading.
If I should leave my job and find employment outside of the legal field, this would be even more appreciated.
thanks for your comments regarding that i'm never alone, i appreciate it!
That's a wonderful idea to get a yoga app for when you do not have time to go to yoga. For busy working people, it really seems (to me) that the only way to really get things done is to have something at home to help you for the times i'd rather not head out...ever since changing from driving to work to taking public transport, i have totally ended my gym membership as you know. it was too much for me to come home only to leave again (and a waste of time during the week) to get to the gym! So your app for yoga must be very helpful to you. i think it's great. let us know!
.....let me send this before it gets deleted!...
Day 49: today I choose to focus on things that bring me joy.
Posting on my phone, which I hate doing, but seeing as I have legal clinic this morning, this is probably the only time I'll have to post until later today, if even...
I love volunteering at this legal aid clinic, but even though it's only once a month, lately I've been feeling like it's more of a burden than a blessing. It may be time to move on soon. I'm just tired.
It's odd that I feel this way, since it was a short work week for me. Why am I feeling so dragged out and stressed after a vacation? Not sure what this is about.
Slipped up a bit last night after dinner. I think I was craving sugar... Diverted myself with other activities, but ended up indulging in some peanut butter.... and then some whipped heavy cream (out of the can - real cream, though, not that yucky Cool Whip).
Felt somewhat satisfied after that, not stuffed, not disgusted. But my tongue feels a little funny today.
Baby Kitty is ok, and the vet bill was manageable. She's had some trauma to her eye, whether from a fight or if she scratched herself. She got a shot, and then we have to put ointment in her eye twice a day. She will be ok, but we may not survive having to get this stuff in her tiny eye.
To reduce the overall cat stress in our house, we've gone back to keeping New Kitty segregated in his own room. Kind of sad because he's so friendly to us.
I'm finding myself floating away from my yoga practice. Can't go this morning, obviously because of legal clinic, and kind of grateful that I don't have to make that decision. There's yoga tomorrow morning, but not sure I want to take that class, with the owner.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
I've done some praying over this and have come to a slightly altered conclusion on my next step. I will discuss this in my entry today, but I feel that your support has helped me arrive at the point where I'm at.
Sometimes that dragging feeling (as in my case) can be a sign of anxiety or depression. try to be on top of yourself and push yourself to feel better. if not, then maybe it is time to drop things that aren't giving you any happiness.
I do think it's wonderful you volunteer and i do think it gives you extra experience outside of your day job.
Keep us up to date with your yoga explorations. I hope i get to try chair yoga at some point, at this group therapy program i am attending. i think i have just over a week left of it.
Some day, I shall expound on my thoughts on Miracle Whip versus mayonnaise.
But finally, i caught up and have responded and commented on all DDer journals! woohoo!
Anyways, i appreciate your comments and they have helped me greatly, so thank you!
One thing this yoga journey has taught me - or shown me - is that I am not alone in how I feel. And I assure you, that whatever you may be feeling at any given time - negative and positive, too, - you are not alone. Ever.
Day 48: Intention: Letting things roll off my back. Mantra: Just trying to be a blessing.
I thought I'd have enough time to finish my entry on my laptop, but sadly time is slipping away.
Today's Challenges:
I really wanted to go to yoga last night, but talked myself out of it. Next week, the teacher for the Stress Reduction Yoga series is out of town, so no yoga on Tuesday. I thought that next week Thursday, then, would be a good time to try this new yoga class (& teacher). I have a 10-class pass and felt that this would be a better use of it.
Trying to be a blessing, just trying to be a blessing.... and not eat my weight in food.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
although there is some stress, your journal entry still sounds healthy and good. you sound good especially with your mantra and countdowns. Up to how many days will you do it for, i'm thinking it was until the end of the year, 100 days total for you?
with questions for the family and the fact they are sleeping, could you leave them handwritten notes on like post it's at the kitchen table that they see and then they can text you?
or of course, you could also text them ?
i like the handwritten notes idea if you had time...
Day 47:
Logging in from my phone which I hate doing, but I refuse to use my work computer, and I just ran out of time this morning. It was either DD or shovel.
Cat knocked over my breakfast yogurt onto the floor, and the keto lunch I had planned to take has been ruined by dinnertime who added rice to it.
So not the best way to start my day.
I'm not sure I will continue my 100 day countdown to self enrichment. I can't seem to prevent life from imploding my well-being or serenity.
Might try to go to yoga tonight. It would be a new class, new teacher that I haven't tried before.
Just something to get me out of this little funk I'm in today.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
For where I'm at, I must be intentional with being positive - or if not positive, at least not crabby or negative or down.
I find myself being pulled down, meaning I've lost my focus on being intentionally positive in thinking. That is to say, I find myself switching back to "glass half empty" thinking.
It's a work in progress. Ok I won't give up yet.
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First off...YEAH...for maintaining!! Those limitations.....know them well...at first it's a shock...and then denial...and then acceptance....and then life goes on...and it's OKAY!!! Don't be hard on yourself....yoga is about stretching and having a zen mindset to me...I'm of course not sure what it is for others....it is graceful and beautiful and a good stretch for muscles.....it helps me to think of a swan and peacefulness, and an ocean when I'm doing yoga.......of course these days...the swan is more like a penguin, and the ocean is more like a flood and the peacefulness is interrupted by a cat that thinks I should be petting him.....but I carry on....the usefulness of the poses is still there.....and I fall over sometimes myself....( you know...if trees don't bend...they break...be like a tree...don't break)
Your description of your yoga sounds a lot like mine, minus the cat wanting pets. None of my cats seem to be remotely impressed or interested in my yoga sessions...
It's just hard when you want to be able to do something and you find that you cannot.
Horn_of_plenty on 11/26/2019:
I feel ya when it comes to respecting your body's limitations as that has always been hard for me too, especially in terms of walking and how long the distance i choose. (re your comment back below)
Isn't it great to maintain!? sometimes i forget how far i've come, but it's simply the best - to put on clothes and they fit and no worries in that dept !!!
well, back to limitations- with more practice, you may probably just improve in your yoga abilities!
That is my hope, that the more I practice yoga, the more flexible and balanced I will become.
It's good to have a dream.