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Donkey - Saturday Jan 30, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 149.5

 I am running out of time to post this morning, as I need to leave soon to take my husband to the VA hospital to get his first dose of the COVID vaccine.

Once again, I went to bed early, but woke up at 1am, and had difficulty getting back to sleep.  When I woke up this morning, I felt so bloated and not right in the stomach.  I feel like there's a war going on in my stomach.  At least it doesn't burn.  And the scale is up FOUR pounds!  How does this even happen????  Especially since I had that "bathroom moment" Friday morning.I thought that would have "emptied me out", but I pretty much feel the same as I did before the "bathroom moment".  

Well, this is completely unacceptable.  I am almost 150 pounds, and that is far too heavy for my height.  And now I have almost 15 pounds to lose.  AUGH!!!!

AFTERNOON EDIT:  It took longer to drive to the VA than the whole procedure took *at* the VA.  There were a lot of people getting vacines, pretty much all older than my husband, who is 9 years older than I am.   These are vets, so it was mostly men, but there were a few women there.  My husband said that his first shot was painless and he feels fine.  He did take a nap in the afternoon, but he usually does.  And he's been having some neck and upper back pain from his disease (AS), which he usually rests for anyway.  So I don't correlate the nap with the shot at all.

I've taken today rather easy.  My stomach feels like its reconciled itself, I think.  I'm trying hard not to be discouraged by today's weigh-in.  I won't be deterred, but it's hard to see.

I've got a Zoom meeting with the 2 gals that I do legal clinic with - I think it's just to catch up with each other and see where we're at, but perhaps the one lady has more news about us re-opening the clinic.  As I've said here before, if they want to do it virtually, then I am not the person they need for that. 

So because of the Zoom meeting, I won't be doing any working out tonight either.  That's OK.  I also plan to go to bed a little later tonight, to see if that helps with waking up at 1am.  So I will try to go to bed a little closer to 10p tonight.

I'm hoping to wake up recharged and motivated.

Progress as of today: 37 lbs lost so far, only 14.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/30/2021:
Hang in there. You'll take it back off.

Glad husband is getting first vaccination.

Donkey - Friday Jan 29, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

I did manage to go to bed early last night - head was bobbing at 9pm, so the lights went off shortly after that.  However, I woke up at 1am to awful nausea and abdominal discomfort.  I almost got out of bed to see if I should try to expel whatever was causing me problems, but the feeling never got to the point of "I need to get to the bathroom NOW" so I stayed in bed and maintained a fitful state of semi-sleeping, dreaming, and discomfort.  This means that I was very tired when my alarm went off at 5:15am, and I slept in until 6am.

After spending a lot of time in the bathroom, I was able to get my day started, and now I feel fine.  So I don't think this is flu or even food poisoning - which was my main concern  Just something my body needed to deal with in its own way.

I did a slow flow yoga session yesterday, which I quite enjoyed.  The pace was just about right, not too fast, but not too slow.  This time, I didn't get frustrated with myself when I couldn't do certain poses.  Rather, I mentally embraced myself - seriously, it felt like a mental hug - and really appreciated where I was, with respect to position, balance, and flexibility.  I don't know how to explain it other than to say, that I was OK with where I was at.

I did not get around to jump roping but I will try to do this today, if for no other reason than to try something new!  

I'm kind of eager to see what the scale says tomorrow.  I'm sure that you agree that I've got the activity aspect of weight-loss down.  So it's the eating part that I struggle with.  I no longer have a morning snack, mostly because I'm not hungry enough to have one.  (Horn had asked this question a couple of days ago, with respect to hard-boiled eggs, and I kept forgetting to answer her!)  My eating at work definitely differs from my eating at home.  I think the morning "snack" is more to take a break and calm my nerves.  Or perhaps all of that brain activity - with emails and phone calls - burns more calories?  IDK. It would be interesting to see if I could replace that morning snack with a morning break, instead.

Also, one thing that Maria mentioned about maybe actually NEEDING this break from work, got me to thinking about how to approach my work more passively.  I don't have to be so personally involved.  I don't need to have an answer, just a direction to find the answer.  When a client emails or calls (especially the phone calls), I feel a tremendous sense of pressure/stress to have the answer.  No, that's not my job.  My job is to facilitate communications.  I've been working on establishing boundaries for myself.  I can do this better with emails than I can with phone calls.  I can't tell you how many emails I respond to but don't actually send out my response.  

One of my HUGE pet peeves is files with Associate Attorney.  He doesn't do email, really, so Nice Lady monitors his emails.  When people email him instead of me, not only does it delay things, but it's kind of like people are disrespecting my place in the transaction.  And yes, it irritates me that it goes to Nice Lady, rather than to me, but this will not change as long as Nice Lady is still with us, and she will be with us until the very end. 

I can't change that relationship, and I can't change that people may choose to email AA, and leave me out, but I CAN change my reaction and approach for myself.  So someone emails Associate Attorney - oh well, it's not on me if our response is delayed.  Let it go...  Just take the emails as they come in to me.  I will continue to set boundaries for myself,  



Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/29/2021:
Wonder what caused your illness if you're sure it's not food poisoning?

Sounds like you feel you need to take on more responsibility at work than you actually have to.

Yoga session sounds like it went well.

horn_of_plenty on 01/29/2021:
Speaking of using the bathroom, i do not think i had a "BM" this entire work week...as soon as I get home, i'm sure that's what i'll be doing.

nice to hear about you doing yoga. stretching and flexibility are something i do a little of also because once you lose it, it's gone! (flexibility).

personally, i could not do jump roping...it's too much stress on my joints and would cause me ankle pain. i stay away from jogging/jumping/running now. beware that jumping rope would be a lot of stress on your joints, at least in my own opinion.

in regards to breakfast and morning eating at work, just like you, i find i am much hungrier and eat much more on working mornings than home also (hard boiled eggs comments, etc).

Like your job at work, mine here is very similar. I am also a facilitator to get things paid. I do NOT make the checks or anything like that, but my job is to review notarizations and documents, make sure they are correct or get them correct, and forward them to all the correct individuals (6 different people, at six different points in the procedure)...until everyone approves and then a check gets made out...not sure what you do or if it equals someone getting a check in the end?, but that's what i do!

Honestly, the AA's emails should all be CC'd to you...why can't that change be "facilitated" by you....that's an important change to make sure you see all correspondance. and i totally agree with you.

Maria7 on 01/29/2021:
Thanks for including me in your today's post regarding my comment to you yesterday. I am happy that it is helping. We all help one another here and I hope you are feeling better today and just enjoying your current freedom to be home from work. Hope you think of something fun just for yourself today. Smiles.

bearcountrygg on 01/29/2021:
If the emails eventually get to you then I guess it's not something to get too stressed about....You can only deal with things that cross your desk.

Donkey - Thursday Jan 28, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

It is probably just as well that I'm home for several days, as I have been feeling that I've been fighting something off, last week and still this week.  As I mentioned to my Boss on Friday, as he left for the weekend, my plan was to just rest up because I felt like I've been fighting off something (e.g. the cold sore, but I didn't mention that to him).  I had very odd vivid dreams last night, and this morning, woke up congested and coughed up a wad of phlem.  I feel much better now, physically, after some hot coffee and my bike ride.

Yesterday was a good day.  I was very productive!  Walked & jogged on the treadmill for 2 miles, did an hour of Yin yoga to stretch out afterwards. Husband and I tackled the chicken he had bought last week.  He was afraid that it was spoiled, so he was avoiding the package of meat, which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy if you will.  If you avoid the meat for long enough - because you think it might be spoiled - then surely it will be spoiled by the time you gather up the courage to see. DUH!  The chicken was fine.  So he made a big batch of chicken noodle soup, and I prepared a buttermilk marinade for the remaining chicken breasts for dinner tonight or tomorrow.

Also yesterday, I thought, Wouldn't it be nice if I came back from quarantine to a noticeable weight-loss to my co-workers?  Then I promptly decided to have a piece of cake for dessert.  This was the last of the frozen Promotion Cake, from my daughter's promotion late 2020.  Glad it's gone!

I stayed up a little too late last night, albeit reading, which is good, and so I woke up later than I like, this morning.  I'm trying to keep my sleep schedule.  I don't want to think that because I'm not working that I can stay up until all hours.  NO.  So my goal is to be in bed by 9pm.  I can read or watch the news or check my phone, but in bed at 9pm.

I woke up to feeling anxious.  Guilty for sleeping in late (6:30am).  Paranoid that they will realize they don't need me at work.  Worried that I'm fighting off something.  Anxious to get as much done as possible today, and yet, always feeling like I'm not getting anything of real substance done. 

To shake things up today, I want to try jump roping in the garage today, thanks to inspiration from GrannieAnnie.  I also want to do a more challenging yoga flow today.  After I'm done here, I plan to work on the puzzle a bit.  Then the yoga, I think.  This afternoon, jump rope?  Or the yoga, if I don't get to it this morning.




Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/28/2021:
Sometimes I have found that if I overthink something....it ends up not working........one trick I use is.....when I begin to make a plan to do something easy......I stop myself and instead...decide...NOT TO THINK ABOUT IT...and just go do it....that seems to be the beginning of getting a lot of those little nagging things done.....if it's a bigger chore that will take more time than I have......I just go gather the items I will need and put them where they are handy to do it when I get the time......I just get a lot more done that way...and sometimes I get started and just don't want to stop....

Donkey on 01/29/2021:
I think the main source of my stress yesterday was this notice I received from the county Dept. of Heath. We have a new law that cats have to be registered, and it hadn't clicked in my mind that I needed to do something about it. I shouldn't have, since this is something the vet SHOULD have taken care of, but with COVID and all, it didn't go smoothly this year. My husband stepped in and took care of it.

Maria7 on 01/28/2021:
I hope you feel better. Might be good that you are off a couple weeks...they will see how much they need and appreciate you and you will be welcomed back with hugs when you go back, I bet. I know you are a hard worker. Just try to 'relax' (yes, I know...easier said than done) and get some extra rest. Take care.

Donkey on 01/29/2021:
I think you're right! Last night, I was thinking that when I go back to work, I'm going to try REALLY hard not to let the small stuff stress me out. It's not for me to judge whether or not a client is being difficult; it's just up to me to keep track of where things are at in a transaction. It's not up to me to have an answer or a solution, but to evaluate the question or problem and then channel it to the attorney for resolution.

So stepping back may help me manage my stress in the future, when I return.

grannyannie on 01/28/2021:
I'm a worrywort but it's really destructive and doesn't help. Hope you can chill out.

Hope you feel better soon!

Jump rope is great! I bought one years ago and cut it to my size so it's perfect. I have to do it in the hallway as the lights in my 'gym' are too low. 25 reps at a time. Definitely good for increasing bone density.

Donkey on 01/29/2021:
I did not get around to jumping rope, but I'm going to try to do it today.

I recently read a quote from some famous person that he disliked worrying because it doesn't go anywhere. (Picture a tire stuck in the mud, spinning to no avail.) If only it were easy to take that emotion and set it aside. But that's what I need to do.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/28/2021:
speaking of coughing and/or sneezing...i heard at my work that they are getting rid of the carpet! yes! i sneeze often and regularly at work. should be better without carpet!

wow! the marinade and the chicken soup sound SO SO SO GOOD!

of all the people i know, you are the winner in terms of who likes cake the best!

they need you at work! :)trust me!

Donkey on 01/29/2021:
Oh yes, I do love cake!!!!!

I bet that carpet is suspect! I've had similar experiences with household objects that were causing me some kind of respiratory distress. Such a relief when they are discovered (as the source) and removed!

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 27, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

 My test came back after I was already in bed, asleep.  The text notification woke me up but not enough to check my phone until this morning.  I have tested negative. 

I will get ready for work this morning,  but won't go in until I speak to my Boss first,  so hopefully he's available to take my call. I think it best to take this approach,  rather than to just show up at the office. 

I have no strong desire to return to work to do work,  but it will be nice to feel productive again. This was an interesting experiment to see if I felt ready to retire,  and I feel the answer is No.  However,  should I ever get that winning lottery ticket,  I wouldn't object to doing something else with my time.  Honestly,  I don't know how my husband stands it, like this. I know part of it,  for him,  is necessary because of the daily pain and chore of pain management. My experience at home would have been completely different had I been symptomatic.

Did upper body weights yesterday. No yoga,  did not read. Spent 2+ hours resting with 2 cats on my lap. 

AFTERNOON EDIT:  So I spoke with my boss, and he said that the CDC is recommending, for circumstances such as mine (living with a COVID positive person), that I must quarantine for 15 days after the fever broke.  So I will be off this week and next week.  It took me about an hour to come to terms with this, to accept that I will have this "down time" of not doing too much with the outside world.  I was not offered a "work from home" option, but the boss said that he would give me a week of paid time off.  So this week comes out of my combined "vacation-sick" time pool, and next week he will pay me.  Okay I guess... It feels so weird not to work.  Well, maybe now I can buckle down and get to that reading I keep talking about but never seem to get to!

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/27/2021:
Good to hear!

Good idea to check with boss first.

I've had no problem with boredom in retirement, and I've been retired 13 years. The past 10 months has been a big challenge though. I mean, I've done 17 jigsaw puzzles - mostly 1,000 pieces. Reading. Having to workout at home.

Donkey on 01/27/2021:
I should keep a proper perspective in mind, that if I were retired, it would not be like this.

Jacky82020 on 01/27/2021:
Hey, terrific the result was negative! I knew it! And even so most ppl I know who test positive are asymptomatic. Looking like I won’t have a vaccine for 6-12 months at best.

Donkey on 01/27/2021:
Yes, this is good news! Although if I were positive and asymptomatic, then that would mean I have the antibodies and would be protected for a little bit (3-6 months?).

bearcountrygg on 01/27/2021:
Great test result.........I love retirement.....I love not having to drive in the ice and snow..I didn't mind the working part and do miss that sometimes but the freedom of retirement is wonderful to me.

Donkey on 01/27/2021:
I'm glad to hear you say this, and Annie too. It's very encouraging.

horn_of_plenty on 01/27/2021:
glad you are ok and returning to work!

in regards to resting with your cats, I rest for long periods of time with my guinea pigs on my lap. in the mornings, before i leave for work, i generally will have one of the pigs on my lap for 5-10 minutes also.

they haven't contacted me in regards to approval to be a pig foster parent...fingers crossed...they are hard to reach, purposely. so i'm just using facebook messaging and email - not calling. don't even know the number!

Donkey on 01/27/2021:
Thank you!

IDK, I felt like I was "wasting" a lot of time just lying around with cats on me. Logically, I know it's not. It's so nice to spend time with my cats.

A lot of places these days don't take calls but rely on FB messenger. Who would have thought?

Jacky82020 on 01/27/2021:
Not sure on the antibodies but some studies showed sick ppl who recovered only had antibodies for a few months

Donkey on 01/28/2021:
That's OK! Right now, if daughter has ANY immunity, that's great, since she is normally exposed to many, many people at work. And not just co-workers, but customers too, from time to time. I'm hoping that corporate will be able to provide their workers with vaccines as part of an "essential worker" thing.

bearcountrygg on 01/27/2021:
Well.....you will have plenty of time to do the things you have been wanting o do!

Donkey on 01/28/2021:
This is true. And knowing that I won't be going into work the next day has given me some freedom in the flexibility of my time.

horn_of_plenty on 01/27/2021:
WELL...enjoy the time off.

maybe you can't go to the gym, but you can sign up for yoga stuff a hair more often...

you can figure out if you can do those donations of clothes...

why not watch some tv.

or cook something you like.

enjoy the time off...try to sleep in!

Donkey on 01/28/2021:
Yes! Yesterday, I walk/jog on the treadmill and then stretched out with a nice Yin yoga session. Today, I would like to do a more challenging Flow yoga.

I totally took your advice yesterday! Husband and I made homemade chicken soup together. Well, he made the soup, and I prepared a marinade for the remaining chicken, that we will enjoy probably tomorrow, for dinner. The soup - with extra egg noodles - was quite good, considering that it's cold and we're all fighting to stay healthy.

And I re-joined watching "The Crown" (about Queen Elizabeth). It's very good! My goal is to finish Season 1 by the time this quarantine is over.

KathyBlue on 01/28/2021:
Yay to reading! Actually I bought a 1-year premium app called Asana Rebel, and I want to do their workout routines at home. I was looking at them but still couldn't find the time / opportunity (motivation?) to actually do one of them. Eventually I will, though. I work like that, if I pay for something, it will bug me not to use it and I will end up using it. haha...

Donkey on 01/28/2021:
I'm like you, if I pay for it, I will do it. That's where I struggle with yoga. I do the once-a-week yoga I pay for, but doing free yoga on YouTube is a harder step to take.

legcramps on 01/28/2021:
Take care! This is a great opportunity to get some well deserved rest and relaxation in, as long as you can shut off the work or guilt over not being at work. You are where you need to be right now!

Donkey on 01/28/2021:
Oh yes, the guilt. And then there's the paranoia that they at work will realize that they don't need me and I'm overpaid, meaning they can get someone to do my job at a lower wage.

I'm not so sure I'm resting more... Well, mentally resting more, but not doing so well on the sleeping habits. Tonight's goal is to be under the covers by 9pm.

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 26, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Quite a bit of snow last night, and there's still a light snow (flurries) coming down.  This is one morning I'm glad that I don't have the pressure of having to go to work!

My routine is off this morning, because I had to shovel first thing, rather than ride my bike.  I had to shovel, you see, because today is garbarge & recycling pick-up, so I had to get the cans to the curbside, but had to shovel first.  It took me a little over an hour to do.  Afterwards, I was hungry, so now I'm eating breakfast, rather than riding my bike.  Because I have no work today, waiting for my COVID test results, I can ride my bike later this morning.  It's just unusual to eat before I ride the bike.  My back is a little achy from shoveling, so I will take some Aleve and then ride the bike to stretch out the ache.

Yoga last night was wonderful!  I was able to keep up and stay coordinated.  I was trying to connect my movements with my breath, and stay in the moment.  I had a little trouble remembering the sequences, so if I didn't have the verbal cues, I wouldn't know what move to do next.  Well, that's what the teacher is there for, right? 

I do not have high ambitions for today.  I'd like to work on the puzzle, READ, upper body weights (maybe), looks like I'll have to shovel again, perhaps.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/26/2021:
Wow, shoveling is a lot of hard work...that is exercise, itself. Hope you have a good day.

bearcountrygg on 01/26/2021:
Hope your test comes back okay! Is your daughter still staying in her room?

legcramps on 01/26/2021:
My lower back always gives me a little trouble when I shovel. Must not be using proper body mechanics; I do tend to only throw snow on one side of my body rather than switching it up and using both sides.

horn_of_plenty on 01/26/2021:
I'm so glad you are home too..

the storm is coming down here but not sticking due to warmer than freezing temps, thankfully.

grannyannie on 01/26/2021:
Shoveling is a good workout.

Glad you had a good yoga session. Hope your test is negative.

Donkey - Monday Jan 25, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

It feels odd to be at home today, and I imagine that this feeling will only increase as the day progresses.  Even though I've been tested before, I'm still a little anxious about my appointment today.  I'm also feeling a little edgy about the anticipated snow storm we're supposed to get this evening into tomorrow morning.  

I did so much laundry yesterday.  I asked daughter for ALL of her laundry, which ended up being something like 5 or 6 full loads.  I did not sweep.  I did not do any yoga.  Opted to watch football last night instead, while doing laundry.  I read last night, but stayed up a little too late to finish the chapter I've bene chipping away at.  I do not want to spend whole my day today watching TV.  I can see myself sinking into re-watching Great British Baking Show or reruns of Midsomer Murders.  

I have yoga class tonight.  I would like to do upper body weights.  I would like to do treadmill.  

I think it will be a quiet day.

EVENING EDIT:  Feeling quite a bit anxious. Is it because my boss texted me to see how I was doing?  Is it because Nice Lady got rapid-tested today and I don't have my results yet?Is it the impending snow storm we're supposed to be getting (which I think we will indeed get a ton of snow)?  Is it the tightness in my left hip?  Everything?  Nothing?

Funny enough, I don't feel stressed about yoga tonight.  I'm looking forward to it.  I did walk on the treadmill, but no jogging - just my "usual" lunchtime walk.  

I decided not to do any weights today.  I decided to conserve my energy instead.  It's hard to explain, but the efforts to weight train differ than the efforts involved with walking or riding on the recumbent bike - at least for me they do.  I did sweep the floor, did a litlte reading, and took what felt like a much needed nap.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/25/2021:
I used to watch Midsomer Murders years ago and have watched the baking show. But the goodies make me crave sweets! Husband used to watch the Saturday cooking shows but has stopped. They would make my hungry, usually for something I shouldn't have!

Hope you enjoy the yoga class.

Hope you and especially your husband avoid catching Covid from daughter!

Donkey on 01/25/2021:
That's a good point about seeing all those desserts and savory treats. I've seen all these shows, so they are mostly comforting background noise, more than anything else, while I ride my bike, or in this case, walk on the treadmill.

Jacky82020 on 01/25/2021:
The only cooking like TV show I ever liked was when Gordon Ramsey was swearing and yelling at everyone. It was hilarious!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/25/2021:
we are learning more about ourselves everyday. i'm 38 and i also haven't figured out exactly who i am...but i DO know right now that both myself and you...we are worth it. we are nothing less than anyone else. we do not have to yearn to think we should be better. i like how you put it in your comment back to me today...a dissatisfaction...you are right...and that's a good word...we should work to always be satisfied with where we are, as long as we have tried our best. if we haven't, well then we should reconsider...but if we try...that's all we can do...and we should be satisfied. good adjectives for that...

naps are ok on your day off...lol, i haven't napped so much in a long time...on the weekend, i napped both days which is not like me...but i'm still getting used to my job/commute...

good luck on your covid test....it is nice your boss checked in on you :) and nice lady...LOL....hopefully her test is negative.

rest up while you can and don't overdo on the time off....unless you want to overdo!

Donkey on 01/26/2021:
Last night, I found a bit of that satisfaction during yoga. I was able to keep up, and on the Zoom camera, I thought that I didn't look too bad in the lower body. I really dislike how chunky my legs are, from the cankles up to the thunderthighs.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/25/2021:
the place for guinea pigs is an hour away and i'm unsure if i will get chosen as a foster...i hope i do get chosen bc i know i would make a good piggie mom for two more pigs...we'll see :)

Donkey - Sunday Jan 24, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Good morning!  Happy Sunday!

I accomplished almost everything on my list yestserday with the exception of the following:

  • Read
  • Nap
  • Cat Laundry
  • Yoga

I plan to accomplish these things today, except for the nap, unless I need it. 

Let me just get all of this out there:  I'm sad that I did not do any yoga yesterday.  Why is it so hard for me to do?  Last night I could have done yoga in the evening, but I was a little full from dinner and opted to walk on the treadmill (no jogging) instead.  I think I'm a person that needs to be in-person.  The Zoom yoga I do on Monday nights has to be live or I'm inclined not to do it, even if I pay for it.  I've been very tempted to say, "Screw COVID", buy an annual class pass to the local yoga studio, and attend as many in-person classes as I can.  But then I see posts on FB from the yoga studio and realize that there are too many people there for my comfort level.  PLUS, then I struggle with paying for yoga that I can get for free if I would just get my butt to the gym that I belong to and already pay for!  Am I trying to be someone I'm not?

My daughter's sense of smell returned yesterday afternoon.  Her temperature has been normal since Friday night.  Having said that, last night she received her COVID test results, and she is positive.  I'm kicking myself that we weren't more careful with her and with ourselves on Thursday and Friday.  I feel fine; husband feels fine.  I will need to call my boss to see what he wants me to do, as far as work is concerned.

Today's List

  • Cat Laundry
  • Yoga - gonna try again
  • Sweep main level
  • Shovel the dusting of snow that we have on the driveway because husband is a fall risk
  • Read
  • Puzzle

AFTERNOON EDIT:  I am scheduled to have a COVID test tomorrow morning.  My boss asked me to stay home until I at least get my test results back. So that would mean I'm off Monday for sure, probably Tuesday, and maybe a little on Wednesday.

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

grannyannie on 01/24/2021:
So glad to hear your daughter is doing better! You and husband should quarantine.

Maybe you should hold off on yoga until it's safe to go to a studio?

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
I think that I will have to hold off on any kind of in-person yoga until it's completely safe. I'm thinking 2022, unfortunately, because there are too many fools out there. And yoga is so breath-focused. There's actually a practice of exhaling loudly through the mouth. Um, no thanks!

grannyannie on 01/24/2021:
Yea, I wouldn't go to a yoga class or to the gym or anything like that until it is very safe. Hoping to go to Thailand next January and I will join the gym there as I intended to this month.

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
Yes... I think my thoughts stem more from my frustration than rational thought. It felt good to say it.

innerpeace on 01/24/2021:
Sorry you were exposed. I pray you get no systems. Stay active.

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
Thank you! I'm not worried so much for myself as I am for my husband.... and, believe it or not, for my more vulnerable coworkers.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2021:
i'm glad you will have this deserved time off from work....LOL>...but seriously, be safe and healthy!

next, you asked a question above saying "am i trying to be someone i am not" or something like that.....don't even attempt to question yourself like you don't deserve to be someone you want to be, etc....you do you and never think you aren't good enough....because you ARE GREAT! listen to me, i'm telling you the truth!...i have been starting to have a lot more confidence in myself, too, despite all my "failures," or learning experiences, like i was saying the other day i finally feel much more mature and experienced with a lot in life...and i'm not going to give everyone the credit that i used to give....and i am finally understanding the fact that what i do, the choices i make, what i do, IS WORTH IT being me. and that i'm not going to try to consider the fact that i'm not living up to the standards of society...i am trying to move on from this and it's what i suggest you do. life is too short to debate if we are good enough.

Donkey on 01/25/2021:
You're 100% right. I'm very guilty of wanting a life that is not mine. I often think, "Why can't I (do this)? Why can't I (be that)?" A perpetual self-dissatisfaction with who & what I am. Why can't I just be content with where I'm at, what I am, and who I am, right now in this moment? Ugh... 50 years old and still trying to figure it out.

Donkey - Saturday Jan 23, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 145.5

Happy Saturday!  I seem to be swaying between 148 and 145 this month.  Nice to see that I shed most of the bloat from TOM, at least.  

One thing I've noticed this month is that I really enjoy dessert after dinner.  I'm done fighting this craving or need or whatever it is.  It is who I am.  I love dessert, and want to make peace with this aspect of myself, rather than to be at a perpetual war, which sometimes implodes into a food fit.  So, I've decided that life is too short, and I need to find a way to incorporate a "dessert" into my life that is compatable with my goals. I've been able to be satisfied with 2 Hershey's kisses, or graham crackers.  I think I can expand on options, with the help of my food scale.  

I"m not giving up on my weight-loss goal, though.  I'm still very motivated to reach a more comfortable weight of 135.  

My goal for this weekend is to rest.  Last weekend, I felt so busy with chores.  Even though it was a great weekend, I need to rest until I feel back to 100%.  I want to do some of the following today:

  • Read
  • Puzzle
  • Nap

I still have things to do today, though:

  • My laundry - wash & dry
  • My laundry - fold & put away (UGH)
  • Husband's laundry - wash & dry
  • Cat laundry 
  • Mop main level - an unfortunate necessity thanks to kitty.  Thankfully I don't have to do the basement floor too.
  • Fill bird feeders
  • Spend time with plants - water, have a chat, maybe sing to them
  • Yoga - if I don't put it on the list, I just won't do it.  This is not good.
  • Upper body weights

Hmm, that doesn't look too relaxing, does it?  The laundry chores, is a relatively passive activity, except for folding & putting away (a chore I detest, so it's just better to get it out of the way)

Next weekend will not be so relaxing because I have to drive Husband to the VA hospital to get his 1st COVID vaccine shot.  Very, very glad that he is able to get this sooner, rather than later. This will take up my entire morning next Saturday, unfortunately, but it's totally worth it.  

Progress as of today: 41 lbs lost so far, only 10.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/23/2021:
Love desserts too. Easy does it. Like the 180 cal M&M tubes, but getting kinda tired of them. Filled bird feeders too! Lots of jays, cardinals, juncos and woodpeckers around. The peckers love suet.

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
I find that when I get tired of a dessert, that I start to eat more of it, maybe just to finish it off? IDK, this time, now that I have a food scale, I can mix things up without overdoing it and KNOWING that I'm OK.

I got a hook for a hummingbird feeder from Santa. I put a birdseed thing in the shape of a bell, and the little birds love it. I'm going to get another birdfeeder for either seed or maybe a suet holder (to hold the block of suet & seed) to use when it's not hummingbird season. :-)

grannyannie on 01/23/2021:
Glad husband is getting his shot. How is your daughter?

If you need dessert you can find some lower calories treats. Or smaller amounts of higher cal ones.

I'm seriously missing my popcorn, and if I could stick to one bag a day I'd buy more.

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
My daughter's fever broke and she has regained her sense of smell. I will write more about this in my own entry today. Her appetite has remained consistent. Hard to tell about her energy levels, because she naps a lot when she's not working anyway.

You nailed it on the head about portions. Like you with popcorn, I really struggle to keep it down to 1 portion. I struggle with this at work, I struggle with this at home. Most days I'm OK, and then I'll have a day where I want to eat the whole thing.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2021:
YES!!!! my support is 100% in your resolve to enjoy your desserts! yes!...there's a way. you can have a light cooked dinner of veggies and just a little grains like rice or something...and have your dessert...i did this for lunch yesterday but i also had some calories to spare from not eating much earlier in the day...but i will say, it's all possible. your goals are GREAT regarding this. they are the same as my goals - to enjoy all the food i like in moderation as best as i can...i still rely on veggies for a full feeling here and there, especially this weekend since Friday night.

Rest is so important. I am doing that this weekend too. I have saved both laundry and weights for today, because of changes to the day yesterday :) and I have a nature walk...but i'm planning so that the day is actuallly very enjoyable and not rushed :)

Donkey on 01/24/2021:
I'm going to keep trying with the desserts. I think it was yesterday that you mentioned that you are an all-or-nothing person (we were talking about goals, I think?). I have the same issue, and perhaps desserts is my key to learning to moderate these tendencies in myself.

I saved cat laundry for today, in case there was more to clean up on the floors today. It's never-ending.

Donkey - Friday Jan 22, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 148.5

Last night, as I was cleaning the thermometer after taking daughter's temperature, I just felt I was at a breaking point. At that point, all of my goals just seemed so overwhelming and impossible. This doesn't feel like what goals are supposed to do. What is the point of goals,  when I'm doing all I can do to keep it together?  

My family has no idea I had this storm inside my head last night. Had a pleasant dinner, the evening was fine... but I stayed up a little too late to make sure that I was exhausted and would drop off to sleep immediately. 

I did a couple of leg weights, and I actually did 2 miles on the treadmill!  So maybe that's the point of goals,  to nag you and eat away at your conscience until you get them done. 

It's easier to say what I didn't get done: I didn't read,  I didn't write in my journal,  no yoga (home or work). And I did have a small slice of that frozen cake,  which actually didn't taste all that great so maybe it's time to toss the rest. 

I don't want to edit my old post from yesterday,  so let me correct it here and say that my daughter can't SMELL. She can still taste.  This is typical of a sinus infection.  However,  she has a fever,  so she is getting a COVID test today. Her boyfriend is also sick. She will isolate in her room until we know. I feel relatively fine,  just the usual winter complaints. My husband felt fine last night.... wait and see. 

Progress as of today: 38 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/22/2021:
I’m glad your daughter is getting the test. But probably it’s the sinuses. I suppose one benefit of goals, so far as weight, is to maintain & not let it get out of hand. I’m glad I bounced up and down for years. I would have preferred dropping only, but had I not yo you’d, I may have approached 200. You’ll get back on track and the sun will come out.

Donkey on 01/23/2021:
I think so too, but I do miss her. Whatever she has, it hasn't affected her badly, and she has improved since Thursday.

legcramps on 01/22/2021:
I try not to make detailed goals anymore; I find the specificity to be overwhelming and seemingly impossible to accomplish sometimes. Instead, I make "goals with holes" that allow me to change and shift focus if I find that I am not enjoying the current path; it allows me to do things I enjoy doing right now, while still moving towards my main goal. Like a tangent LOL.

Donkey on 01/23/2021:
"Goals with Holes" - LOL, love it! But this is true - having goals tends to make me push myself a little more (good), but then I have those days when I feel like I "just can't", and that kind of leaves to negative self-talk (bad).

I think I need to step away from the "checklist" mentality. That would give me more flexibility.

grannyannie on 01/22/2021:
Hope your daughter and bf are negative or have mild cases.

I think everybody is struggling for this past year so don't beat yourself up for sometimes losing motivation.

You'll get back on track. You've come a long way.

Donkey on 01/23/2021:
Yes, you are right. I need to acknowledge to myself that I'm not "off the track" if I'm still moving forward, even if I have a bad day or hard week. It HAS been a hard time. I don't think I give enough respect to that.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2021:
i read your yesterday's entry that you put off exercise to conserve energy...smart. it's better than gettin geven sicker which is what happens. i do agree, and so do the experts, that when your body craves sleep / rest, that is what you should give it!

when your goals feel unreachable, you can cut them, think smaller. you have a tendency to have HUGE goals...with this virus pandemic, give yourself a break. do what you can do. it's ok. you've been working the whole time thru it. and you are doing a good job.

on a side note, i have felt very sad the past 2 days and the only reason i can really think it is because is lack of sleep. perhaps this adds to your seasonal depression? i have realized that lack of sleep has always hindered me emotionally....will post this and keep commenting before i lose these comments...

Donkey on 01/23/2021:
I need to be able to wrap my head around the fact that I don't NEED to check off everything on my "to-do" list. It's such a satisfying feeling to cross an item off, but at what expense?

Also, I still do not think I am allocating my free time correctly. I just wish I did not need as much sleep, I guess. But you're right - not enough sleep leads to other problems. I wouldn't doubt that your feelings of sadness are related to the lack of sleep. See if this improves over the weekend, when you are able to rest up more.

Horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2021:
when goals seem unattainable, lessen them and break them down so that they are achievable.

i'm also someone who wants it all or nothing...but it's ok if you reach half the goals...there's always something more to attend to. try to be OK with not reaching all the goals...especially if your list is a long one..

i crossed my fingers to pray for your daughter not having covid.

take care, sleep is very important. i think if both you and I could sleep more, we would both be emotionally happier in general.

Donkey on 01/23/2021:
Correct. I'm seeing the two-sided aspect of having goals. They are good when I can use them to try a little harder -- pushy myself, if you will.

Goals become counter-productive when I push myself too hard or feel disappointed in myself at the end of the day. WOW, I'm going to work on that!

Donkey - Thursday Jan 21, 2021
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 148.5

 I've been fighting off something this week. I can tell because I have a cold sore flare up,  which means that my immune system isn't as strong as it might otherwise be.  I put off treadmill, weights, and yoga to conserve some energy. Even with this tactic,  I still woke up late this morning.

I'm not sure what I'm fighting off. Daughter has had a sinus infection and lost her sense of taste,  but can still smell.  If course,  we're very worried about COVID,  but I figure if she had that,  the husband would REALLY have it since his immune system is suppressed.

I don't like living in this state of paranoia and high alert all the time. 

Progress as of today: 38 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

Grannyannie on 01/21/2021:
Hope you and daughter don't have Covid. Losing sense of smell is worrying. Can you both easily get tested?

Donkey on 01/21/2021:
No, it is not easy to get a test. That's the thing. Takes too long.

Jacky82020 on 01/21/2021:
Terrible about that sinus infection. How difficult is it to get a covid test where you live? It’s not all that easy here in Pennsylvania. I know someone in Iowa who got one very easily simply because a relative thought she may have been infected. Neither had any symptoms. Here, you have to get your PCP to approve it, based upon several symptoms. The one in Iowa only had to contact the state health dept online & they told her to go to a nearby place the following day. Got a negative. No cost either.

Donkey on 01/21/2021:
No cost as far as has been my experience, but you have to make an appointment 1-2 days out, and then wait for test results 2-3 days. WTH, how does that help???

Jacky82020 on 01/21/2021:
Wow, that friend in Iowa had her results the next day. The test takes 6 hours to run, but only hi profile ppl get results that quickly

Donkey on 01/22/2021:
I thought I overheard the Boss saying that one of his grandkids might have it and the schools aren't accepting the rapid test results. I've had both tests.

innerpeace on 01/21/2021:
No taste! Definitely would get tested. Everyone is different and have different systems. My PCP did say sinus affected taste as well so if you are for sure it is sinus... Definitely hostile environments, I stay home as much as possible.

Donkey on 01/21/2021:
I mistyped that!! She can taste but she can't smell, and we think that's because of the sinus infecting!!!

If it were the other way around, I'd definitely be more concerned!!!!

grannyannie on 01/21/2021:
I sometimes get sinus headaches, normally from allergy to something scented. Can't recall losing sense of taste, but don't really feel like eating anyway with the pain of sinus headache.

Hope you are both okay!!

Donkey on 01/22/2021:
Thank you! Honestly, until she spoke a low fever last night, I was not too concerned. We also learned that he boyfriend is sick and has a higher temperature of 101F. That's not good.

legcramps on 01/21/2021:
I hope you are not too sick! Losing your sense of taste is certainly something to be concerned about regardless of whether it's covid-related or not. Feel better soon, both of you!

Donkey on 01/22/2021:
Thank you! It was actually the sense of smell that left her, which if you have had congestion makes sense. She says she can still taste but everything tastes off, which is also typical of a sinus infection (cold). It's only when she had a temperature that I started to worry a little bit more.

Maria7 on 01/21/2021:
Bless your heart. Praying for you to feel better.

Donkey on 01/22/2021:
Thank you! I plan to rest this weekend. I usually push myself to do a lot on weekends, but maybe not this time. (((hugs)))

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