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Donkey - Wednesday Jan 28, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 134.0

Now I know what I weigh....

Needless to say, I am conflicted.  It is very unusual to see ACTUAL changes in one's body for the better and yet have some stupid scale tell you something negative.  However, logically, I was prepared for this.  I told you when I started my new weight training program that I anticipated gaining around 5lb.

I have a scale that tells me my body fat %.  My % is around 21 (would like it to be lower so that my muscles are more defined).  BUT the more important figure is my muscle weight, which supposively -- according to this scale -- says is 99lb.  So 99lb of me is muscle. 

So I have concluded logically (of course) that the only way for me to really lose any more weight is to have my liver and possibly a lung surgically removed.  Perhaps my uterus too.  I figure that should take around 15lb off of the scale.


Progress as of today: 10 lbs lost so far, only 4 lbs to go!

loveray on 01/28/2009:
aww it looks like you are doing a great job, and muscle really does weigh a lot more than fat...sux though sometimes! i hope you have a peaceful day. xoxo

thinnside40 on 01/28/2009:
Sounds like you have all the #"s figured out to a "T"...... I say hang onto what ya got and live happy healthy!

Thank You for your "sympathy".. I feel like it would of felt better to be dismembered than to look in my dad's eyes as I asked....

Have a great day!

mama_nurse on 01/28/2009:
You are doing awesome, :) have a good day

panda22 on 01/28/2009:
LOL @ getting your body parts removed to lose weight! Omg I was rolling when I read that! lol. Anyway, thank you for the comment! It's not too late! =D have a great night!

WI3 on 01/28/2009:
LOL I had my uterus taken out and lost nada! I know you don't advocate anything unhealthy, I was just worried 'bout you =)

Have a great Thursday!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/29/2009:
so congrats! congrats on all of your progress....especially the muscle part! wow. nice job. keep it up. :) more commenting to come...

oh, and muscle is VERY important. you probably look better now than before the shift to weight training!

Donkey - Sunday Jan 25, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

I have no idea what I weigh.  Last Sunday, I had a binge, and then I struggled again on Wednesday.  I think Wednesday was worse, but I can't remember.  All I can remember thinking was "If this binge had a title, it would be "Pop Tart Party"."  Each Pop Tart has 200 calories EACH.  And I can tell you, I had more than one.

But that was last Sunday, and this is THIS Sunday.

My weight training program is going well.  Cutting down my excessive cardio to 1 hour is also a good thing too.  But it seems now that I have replaced the excessive cardio with more weight training, and now --- if I do everything I WANT to do at the gym --- I am there for 3 hours.  If I don't allow myself to do all the weight training, then I can cut it down to 2.5 hours.  Which is still too much time, in my opinion, but nobody seems to mind, so, so what?

And then I do another 15-30 minutes of training at home in the evenings.

You would think I would be chiseled or buff, but unfortunately, I am not.  I have so much leftover fat and skin from my pregnancies and prior abuses in weight.  It's like I have this thick layer of blubber covering up all the muscle.

I've tried going low carb to bring out the muscle definition, but all that has lent me is an offensive smell of ammonia when I workout (because my body is burning protein for energy, not carbs or fat).  This is not right.

I was so angry and disgusted with my therapist on Friday that I've decided that I will probably not do much more work with him.  We've been working on the issue of "Forgiveness".  He seems to think that crimes committed against children are indeed forgiveable.  I told him he was a sick, sick man.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

WI3 on 01/25/2009:
If you are exercising so much, it is no wonder you are eating so much. And you are right...it isn't right. You know how I feel about this. I won't beat you up over it, but I sure don't agree with the excessive exercising. I still, however, care a lot about you.

thinnside40 on 01/25/2009:
Thanks for your comment on the "graphics".. I feel like that momma with the hipster baby sometimes.. She "hit home" with me when I saw her!... I enjoy the homelife.....

Sorry to hear of your difficulties with the therapist... Forgiveness is a HUGE word!... God will take care of those that have been the offender... They will have to deal with Him ultimately either way...

Have a good evening.... Take Care!

mama_nurse on 01/25/2009:
Have a great day:)

selina on 01/26/2009:
Hi Donkey! It sure sounds like you are doing a lot of exercise, WOW! I can't exercise that much, I don't think, but, that's just me... How old are you, if I may ask? Maybe I would be able to do all of that if I were younger, not in my mid forties... I didn't know that burning fat as opposed to protein did smell differently... living and learning!

Thanks for the comments on my cats, they are indeed a lot of fun!

panda22 on 01/26/2009:
Thank you for the comment! It brightened my day =D. I think you are on the right track with realizing the exercise could be a little too much and I hope you are able to find a happy medium. It sounds like it may have become an "addiction" of sorts in your life, maybe to deal with emotions, and things like that are never beneficial in the end no matter what form they present themselves. On the other hand, exercise is a healthy thing, and even though 3 hours is a lot, if you compensate it with eating more to keep your body going then it won't take as much a toll on your body. If it's something you feel you need to do, then just give yourself those extra calories and energy each day so that you stay healthy! Sorry to hear about your therapist. Personally I've never preferred them and find them hard to work with as opposed to talking to someone I care about such as my family or friends, but I hope you are able to take care of that situation and maybe change therapists because it definitely won't be beneficial if the one you are seeing has different ideals than you and expresses it because then that will become the main focus of your feelings and it's not beneficial to you at all! Hope you have a good day today! Smile! =)

skinnyjeans on 01/27/2009:
LOL - Pop Tart Party! That is funny and made me smile. :) Happy Tuesday!!

YepItsMe~ on 01/27/2009:
Hey Donkey~thanks for the welcome back! Wowee, I didn't realize you worked out so much~I say do what feels right for you, just listen to your body.

Wishing you a great week!

Donkey - Friday Jan 16, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

Finished Week 1 of my new program.  :-)

My upper body feels slightly sore, and only temporary.  So I know that some progress is being made.  I'm also *itching* to make the transition from weight machines to more free weight exercises.  I'm wondering if this is reflective of my internal struggle as well.  Of not wanting to stay restricted into other people's ideas of what should be, but rather doing my own thing.  Hmm, that's something to think about, eh?

Another lesson learned:  Just because you use lighter weights on lower body exercises, if you go SLOW enough, you will start to shake and ache just as much as if you were using much heavier weights.  Again, to me -- a sign of progress.

OK, and last...  Should I tell you?...  OK, I will because I'm *so* excited!:

12 days without bingeing!!!!


I know I'm not out of the woods yet.  I did have 3 days where I went above my calorie level by about 300 calories.  But that's not the same thing.  If I'm wrong about that, please let me know.

And the compulsion to weigh-in this morning was VERY STRONG.  I'm glad I didn't.  Just.... too risky at this point.  My weigh-in days are Wednesdays -- LEAVE IT.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

skinnyfatgirl on 01/16/2009:

greengirl on 01/16/2009:

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/16/2009:
congrats on the sum of all of your accomplishments. and you are smart to not get obsessed by the # on the scale and start weighing yourself all the time. it's good to stick to your schedule!

grumpy on 01/16/2009:
You are not wrong about that at all! Congrats on your 12 days! Going over around 300 is very different than binging. xo

WI3 on 01/19/2009:
I am always impressed with your exercise! Keep up the great work!

Justine6Robert3 on 01/20/2009:
Great job on the 12 days with no binging! Sounds like your enjoying the change in your exercise routine and being a little sore is a good sign of something happening for you :0)

I think your right about the "winter blues".....I do seem to feel this way in the winter.....particularly after Christmas.

Donkey - Wednesday Jan 14, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 131.0

(Ignore that "Current Weight" number.  It will be back up to 135 tomorrow if I weigh in.  My calories were a little on the low side the past 2 days but I am within range today, so I assume my weight will increase as well.)

OK, DDer's here's a question for you:

What is a "butter face"?  For example, people commenting on pictures of celebrities and they say "she's a total butter face".


My new weight training program is going very well.  I cut down on the cardio, going slower and harder, and doing intervals (either low/high intervals or low/medium/high intervals, which I call "steps"). 

Then I started lifting heavier on the upper body to build up and lighter on the lower body to "lean out".  I want to go out in a sleaveless shirt and hear gasps or see eyes pop.  ;-)


EDIT:  I can't remember if I mentioned this in my last entry.  I want to be completely honest with you all.  I plan to gain 5  pounds with my new weight training program.  (It's my own program of my own design, not something from an infomercial or a book.)

Which will put me up to 140. 

I don't know why I'm doing this.  Honestly, I have no idea where the motivation to do this is coming from.  Logically (or illogically perhaps), I would tell you to your face 100% truthfully that I want to be thinner & lighter.  Yet I feel driven to do this.  Not in a pathological sense, but ... well, it's just weird.  I don't know why I'm doing this.

I just do it.

Progress as of today: 13 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

panda22 on 01/14/2009:
Hey there! Was browsing diaries and thought I'd stop and leave a comment. Sounds like you're doing a great job with everything, and your new goal to weight train and gain 5 pounds isn't crazy. I feel like it will give you more energy and be better in the long run because it'll make you stronger as well.

Good luck with it!

Ps - A butter face means that "everything looks good...'but-her-face' "...I've heard of it before. In my opinion it's completely rude and whoever thought of it is messed up in the head, but that's just me.

Have a great night! =D

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/14/2009:
i am beyond stressed right now. lots of tests but i'm trying to balance going to yoga EVERYDAY with school. it's a bit of a rush to sometimes get there and always a rush to get home...i live really close though, like 5 min or so away. however, i get home around 7:30 which leaves time for a shower, late dinner....and then i'm constantly studying too little and going to bed too late.

but this isn't my stress. my stress is school with studying not enough for the things that are MOST important...not that i'm doing badly because the tests have been put off till next week....but just hoping that things go right. but really a couple students in my class are pissing me off completely.

so i've made no sense just now.

i've GOT to get out of this stressed state of mind and body. i know yoga won't be possible tomorrow as i'll be on my feet all day. hopefully i don't pass out due to all the swelling/food in my body and trying to be physically agile. i know i'll be fine but it'll be tough tomorrow. lots of sweating for sure due to the excess food and calories in my system.

thanks for supporting me.

see what happens with the muscle. perhaps we build a little muscle and then it's easier to lose the weight?

WI3 on 01/14/2009:
If you are planning on gaining because of building muscle, I don't see where that is a problem because we need to build muscle while we are younger, which also helps our bones. I looked at Oprah who says she is 200lbs and she doesn't look like the SAME 200lbs she used to look like...her body is in better shape this time. Interesting.

Have a great evening!

omahagrl on 01/15/2009:
Dear God: The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, She will always be safe. Love you Girl!!!! Now you're on the clock!!!! In 9 minutes something will make you happy. ;-) But you have to tell 9 sisters you love them, including me. Go!!!!

greengirl on 01/15/2009:
Hey Donkey, I used to know a girl who was quite well muscled and looked really good, and I couldnt believe it when she told me how much she weighed. Definately weighed more than you would have guessed, so I think if you put weight on building a little muscle instead of fat, you could still end up looking slimmer and in better shape. Good luck with your efforts girl :)

Maria* on 01/15/2009:
I love you!

Donkey - Saturday Jan 10, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 135.0


I have been at 135.0 for the past 3 days without much trying.  That is to say, if I don't binge, and I don't restrict, and I just stay within calorie range and exercise like I do, I stay at 135.

If I could do this at 130, I'd be more pleased. 

I started my new exercise program today.  I am very excited about it!!!  I have learned that I NEED to do some cardio every day or my back starts to tighten up and it hurts.  So the weekends are for light, fun cardio, 1 hour.

I'm going back to weight training on Monday, focusing on heavy weights on my upper body to build it up, get definition and increase strength.  Lower body will be lighter weights (more reps, performed slowly), to decrease the "bulk" of my legs.

I've changed ellipticals at the gym, and I prefer to do a slower, harder workout on the machines that have the moving handlebars.  So I will do that M-F.

I'm decreasing my cardio, if I can.  I think an hour a day is enough.  Of course, I think I can do this because the weather is so crappy outside.  Once it warms up and the snow and ice melt away, and I can start running outside again....  Well, look out, here we go again.

Progress as of today: 9 lbs lost so far, only 5 lbs to go!

grumpy on 01/10/2009:
I wish I could do that and stay at 155! it would be enough for me! Just saying this for you to really think what a different those 5 pounds would really do in your life and body. Sounds to me like you do great at exercising, so I am sure these extra 5 pounds are mainly muscle and look great on you! xo.

grumpy on 01/10/2009:
You are totally right. And even if now it's all flowers for them, I know soon enough it won't be. I think he will only settle if he finds someone who will put up with everything. I did longer than I should have, but in the end I didn't and that's why we're not together. All the fights we had in the past few months I started, because I stopped putting up with crap. So if this is smart, at some point she will let him go too. And when he does find someone who will put up with all his nonsense, I am sure he won't be happy. So yea, I see what you're saying. It's just hard for me right now and will be for a little while. I was thinking of my comment to you also. I think it's great not to give up from losing your last few pounds. But it's good to make peace with them and think of them for what they are. 5 pounds. I don't know what's the highest weight you've ever been at. So maybe your experience is very different than mine, but I was at 202lbs at some point. And I have to say, that did not feel good at all. In any way. Im sure if you think of your highest also, and think that now you're at a place where you only 'have' to lose another 5. Think of that process and be thankful to where you are now. ALL this is much easier said than done. And it also works for me. I keep complaining about me, how i look, and my thighs, and all that, but I could be still at 202. And If i am not, it's only because of my effort and work. So we have a lot to pet ourselves in the back for. Thanks so much for your support, really. I love thinking that they're having a horrible time and he's hiding his phone from her so she doesn't see txts from other girls and that he is looking over her shoulders for other women, and that hopefully she is smart enough (i dont wish her bad at all) so stand up for what she deserves and put him into his place. ARGHHHHHHHHH! haha. Xoxo

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/10/2009:
i'm so pleased to read this entry and see how much more positive it is than the last one, which is a good thing for you! you sound confident and in control of your actions.

as for me, thankfully, i have done everything in my power to NOT fail. this includes taking an extra yoga class so as to prevent too much time on my hands and binge! of course, i also did another class because it is a challenge and, if done right, it is really, really good for my body.

luckily, i don't believe a need cardio everyday. well, i believe i do actually, but because of time and commitment, i don't do it very much. only when i have some extra time. if i weren't studying or in school, i would definitely fullfill the recommeneded at least 30 minutes of cardio a day.

i'm impressed to read how much cardio you do. just make sure you stretch and that your being careful with your body. if you go to a gym, and they offer free classes, see if there's a yoga class. it may help you to take it once a week or so. especially to relax your joints and muscles from the cardio you do!

selina on 01/11/2009:
Happy New Year to you!

greengirl on 01/13/2009:
It's great to see you writing so much like your old self Donkey. Good for you! Go, Donkey, Go !!

Donkey - Tuesday Jan 06, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 135.5

Yesterday, I had a very bad Fat Day.  Some days, I am able to contain my disdain for my body, but yesterday, I was so frustrated that I am stuck inside this large body that I couldn't keep quiet about it any more.

My husband thinks I'm nuts.

I stopped weight training for the week.  For my new routine, I am going to focus on defining the muscles in my upper body:  a strong back, defined shoulders, firm triceps and biceps, maintain the chest to counterbalance the back.  Less emphasis on the lower body:  light weights, many SLOW reps.

I will see if I can mold my body more so to the proportions I would like, mainly a smaller "donkey", if you know what I mean....

Progress as of today: 8.5 lbs lost so far, only 5.5 lbs to go!

SkinnyFatGirl on 01/06/2009:
you sound like me! how tall are you?

I just started this 12 week program.. I'm really trying to do some body sculpting too.. I do weight training.. and I go through off seasons and on seasons.. this winter

I went way off!.. now I'm trying to get back in it!.. trying to get to 16 percent body fat in 12 weeks..

What does your program look like.. looks like you have had a lot of success so far

skinnyjeans on 01/06/2009:
Don't feel bad! You weight 135! That is fantastic! My GOAL weight is 179. Ha. But anyway, good luck with your goals! You can do it...just stay positive!

greengirl on 01/06/2009:
Donkey, my husband has thought I was nuts for the last 25 years !! Good luck with your efforts, Sweetheart :)

grumpy on 01/06/2009:
I know what you mean, I wanna see it. You should start posting Donkey pics for us! Xo.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/08/2009:
LOL. you CAN totally mold yourself. at least i think so. i don't think its possible for the general population to be perfect with their body in every proportion. meaning, there are times when we concentrate on some things most but there needs to be leeway with other aspects of our bodies. unless, of course, it were your full time job to perfect yourself.

like me with yoga. i'm spending my time doing that, not cardio. and it's what i like and actually helping me enough to stick with it.

so for you, concentrating on upper body, is a great idea. therefore you can put that emphasis on it and get results.

WI3 on 01/08/2009:
I would like a smaller backside as well! It is freaking HUGE lol. Well, no such luck, my behind will always be ROUND *sigh* oh well, at least I have one and don't have to buy padded undies, eh?

I think the most wonderful thing is to see that definition in the upper body. I cannot wait to be back there again! You will do fine!

Justine6Robert3 on 01/08/2009:
My husband knows I'm nuts lol....he's even told me I have "LTD" which he said stands for "Loony Toon Disorder"! He loves me just the same and God bless him for putting up with me! Switching up your work-out might be just what your body needs to give you more results, it sounds like a good plan to change your focus with your exercises! I just love reading your entries, even on your bad days your sense of humour still shines through :0) I know that a "smaller" Donkey is completely obtainable for you because you are determined and you always stick with it! Hang in there Donkey!!!

Justine6Robert3 on 01/08/2009:
....and yes PMS is brutal!!! I can't even stand myself sometimes a day or two before it comes, I get so cranky....and HUNGRY, ugh!

Donkey - Saturday Jan 03, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 137.0

Down a pound but I had to fight my scale for that.  It just AMAZES me that it is SO EASY to put ON the weight but takes FOREVER to get it off.

I have decided that this year, my focus is going to be on my eating issues.  I guess this would make me the anti-Jolt (hi Jolt!) because I'm working on the opposite issues as she.  Last year, I got a real handle on the fitness:  running, weight training, changing my physique while she worked on the food issues.  Now we'll switch places, I guess.

I have to do this because it seems that whenever life throws me a curveball -- and I feel like I've been thrown so many curveballs in 2008 that it's like a game of dodgeball, except that I'm like 1 against 1,000,000 -- whenever life throws me a punch in the gut, I start to have food issues again, either too much or too little.  So this is something that I really NEED to learn how to get a handle on.  I'm not saying "cured" or "overcome", but I need to learn to cope.  Basically, that's what it comes down to.

(Note to self:  Don't play Dodgeball with God; you know who will win.)

You know, this just occured to me too, but I have issues with exercising too much.  I ...um... don't know what to do or how to deal with that.  How do you know when it becomes a problem?  Hmm....

Progress as of today: 7 lbs lost so far, only 7 lbs to go!

WI3 on 01/03/2009:
Happy New Year!!

I was sorry to read about your December. My sympathy on the loss of your grandfather.

I don't know how to tell when too much exercise becomes a problem. Except maybe if you are working out and then start beating yourself up because an hour a day isn't enough, or whatever time you spend on exercise doesn't seem good enough. I do remember having a worry for you two years ago when you were really really pushing yourself. Not because of the exercise but because you hated yourself and came down really hard on yourself when you could only exercise for half an hour on some days. But then I don't know.

thinnside40 on 01/03/2009:
I know that I'm no work-out enthusiast...BUT, when I have exercised, walked, etc... I do feel like going more right away, cause I REALIZE that the problem was just with "getting started"... Feeling eager to get this done is the trouble with me.... but, it can't all be done in one day and to realize that stinks... Ugh.... I WANT it GONE NOW!

Donkey - Friday Jan 02, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 138.0

I did not do well yesterday at all. 

I can't think of anything else to say, except that I do want to thank everyone who wrote yesterday for their support.  I have to say, I am grateful for the support and encouragement that you all offer here.  Thank you so much...

Progress as of today: 6 lbs lost so far, only 8 lbs to go!

biscottibody59 on 01/03/2009:
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. I know you've mentioned him in the past.

As for legal problems. No matter what side you're on it's taxing on your psyche. Don't let anyone tell you you shouldn't feel a certain way; they're your feelings, you're the one going through it!

BTW, are you still working out, running, shoveling snow, etc?

Hang in there--hope you start seeing the light at the end of the tunnel soon! Though it may seem so, these things CAN'T go on forever!

As for the weight, you had lost way past your goal there for awhile, perhaps you can see that it's not as bad as some of us are doing:-)

Horn_Of_Plenty on 01/03/2009:
so i read your entry from yesterday. many people make "new year's" resolutions. don't worry about the date you resolve to accomplish or work on a goal. January 2nd or 3rd is just as good for making a goal as January 1st.

I also want to let you know that when i read "donkey was here" i smiled!

sorry to hear that life is not how you ever would have planned it to be right now. i really do wish you didn't have to go through a lot of those issues. It's amazing how much we can intertwine weight and eating in the process. As far as we're concerned, I try to love other things in life more than food. yoga is what i try to put more time into, taking my mind off food. how are you doing with your pushups? i've slacked off slightly, but still do them on and off. they were one of the best suggestions you gave me. lol, nah, you gave much better suggestions than that to me. but i'll never forget who motivated me to do them! :)

Donkey - Thursday Jan 01, 2009
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Wow, I gained almost 10lb since the last time I posted.  And believe it or not, my weight was as high as 140.0 at one point in December.

December was a horrible month.  I don't know if I should even rehash what happened.  My grandfather died.  My legal problems got worse.  My depression reached rock bottom.

Thing is, the legal problems, the weight and the depression aren't going away just because it's a new year.  So ....  I'm obviously carrying issues from 2008 into 2009.  Not exactly the "Fresh Start" I was hoping for or needing, but we don't always get what we need or want in life.

I do hope though to post more regularly here.  I want to shed this extra weight.  I hate it. It's very uncomfortable to be carrying around such heavy burdens.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 6 lbs to go!

grumpy on 01/01/2009:
Hey Donkey, I hope 2009 is the year you overcome your problems! You go through so much and you're hanging in there, so you can do it! I was so depressed about all the J crap that I was thinking the only thing that will make me feel better is to lose weight. So let's do that and things will be brighter. Xo

greengirl on 01/01/2009:
Good to hear from you Donkey, but I wish your news was better. I know it's not much comfort but we are here to support you as best we can. Condolences on the death of your Grandfather and I will be praying that your problems will become easier to bear in the coming year. Keep your chin up, kiddo. 'HUGS' from Manchester, UK coming your way !

Justine6Robert3 on 01/01/2009:
Hi Donkey, it's been a really long time.....sorry to hear your struggling right now. My condolences on the loss of your Grandfather. I'm really sorry that your depression has been such a struggle. I also suffer from depression and it seems to be something that I'm battling particularly hard right now. I know there have been many triggers and alot of tough things that have happened this past year for me although there has also been alot of good things as well. For some reason it's been harder for me lately to just focus on the good. I know alot of my weight gain is from emotional eating and really just not liking myself to much....I'm working on that....well, always working on that one :0)

What ever your struggles may be, just know that things will get better and you are worth it and therefore you deserve to be healthy and happy. I'll be thinking of you and I really hope this year things get better for you!

loveray on 01/02/2009:
im so sorry to hear about your loss- i lost both of my grandparents on the same day about 2 years ago and i think i am still grieving. it is so hard to not turn that pain and sorrow inward, but loving ourselves enough to seek help, feel the pain and be with the loss are so much more rewarding in the long run than wallowing in the pain with food. i wish you a happy and healthy new year! xoxo

skinnyjeans on 01/02/2009:
So sorry to hear about your crappy December. I hope you have a wonderful 2009.

Donkey - Monday Dec 08, 2008
(Calorie Counting & Exercise)
Weight: 127.5

How does a person forgive herself?  Especially when the transgression is something that is totally incompatable with how she identifies herself with?

Ideas?  Insight?

Progress as of today: 16.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!

selina on 12/08/2008:
Hi Donkey! I'm so glad you found my comment to HoP helpful to you, you are most welcome and thank you for mentioning it to me - You made my day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/09/2008:
a person forgives themselves easily if they do not want to be putting up a fight with themselves every time they look in the mirror. that's my answer today at least. going to yoga, i'm about to murder myself with every glance i take (which is for almost 90 minutes straight). i am personally at arms with myself and i know that i'm better off NOT being that way. for i will reach happiness faster...and success. i feel this is a good strategy for anyone.

grumpy on 12/21/2008:
Hi Donkey, came to check on you. Let us know how you are doing. As for your question, I am trying to do that too. I think of what a DDer wrote once, and it made a lot of sense to me. She said once that she would start treating herself like she treats her daughter. She gave a good example about how if the little girl said she ate some candy in school, she would never say to her "oh great, you already f***ed up, so eat this bag of cookies" which is what we do to ourselves. Her example was great, I think. And also can be applied to forgiving yourself. Because we're so much more forgiving to other than ourselves. So use the example on another person and see how you'd react towards it. Hope it helps. Xo

thinnside40 on 12/22/2008:
Donkey~ Thank You!...... Not being one to comment on my posts usually, then to get the hug from you today totally brought tears to my eyes to know that people I don't really know other than reading/commenting on their diary feel compelled to just be nice for comforting reasons..... Haven't cried all day til now and for that I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart, cause I have been fighting it all day... I'm alone now for a bit and this was a great tie to be able to let go...

Blessings to you & yours this season!

biscottibody59 on 12/23/2008:
Thanks for your support--it makes all the difference in the world:-) The "usual suspects" like BTC and geevee and a bunch of others you wouldn't remember are long gone from here and I probably should have moved on long ago too. If I'd known I was going to be nostalgic about a stupid website, I probably wouldn't have ever logged on here, but I would probably weigh 400 pounds by now too!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/24/2008:
i hope all is well donkey. i read what biscotti wrote above. but i think its perfectly fine to stay on this site. lots of people need support and that's the point of this website!

thinnside40 on 12/31/2008:
Best of wishes in ringing in the New Year.... Take Care & Keep Safe!

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