After the week that I've had, I'm surprised that the numbers on the scales aren't higher. I was truly expecting to see 136 this morning. My focus this week is to focus on eating. It's always the eating part that trips me up, LOL. Yesterday, and specifically, last night, was the best I've done all week, with respect to sweets, nighttime eating, etc., so hopefully, I'm back on track. I think I had better luck with low-carb eating than keto eating. Well, weight-wise, I did better with low carb, but having the extra fat and protein with keto, the numbers on the scale are a bit higher, but I feel much better.
So Horn has been asking a couple of times when it was that I decided that I'm on maintenance. I went back and looked at previous entries, to find that I reached my goal at the end of June 2017. The "problem" was that after that, I went on to lose another 12 pounds. I think my lowest weight this time around was 124 or 124.5, and even then I wasn't really thinking maintenance. And now I am gaining weight back, still under goal, but...
It's like I keep moving the carrot (reward) from the Donkey (me) so that I never reach my end-goal. Maybe I'm gaining back weight so that I can keep the "gotta lose weight" mentality, because I don't know what it feels like to say, "I've accomplished this, way to go." Most keto dieters shift from strict keto to low carb once they reach goal weight. I seem to have done the opposite, but not with maintenance in mind. Well... what I'm going for is a leaner look, to shed the puffiness that comes from eating carbs.
So while I've been at goal or lower for almost 2 years, I haven't changed my weight-loss mentality. I would like to change this outlook. Part of that is focusing on the weight training more. So for the remainder of this month, I want to focus on getting back on track with eating (emotional eating, etc.) and changing my mentality to maintenance. Really, this is it. So that when we start April, I will start keeping a diary about maintenance, not weight-loss. **this may end up being boring reading material for y'all but hang in there with me!
Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only -2 lbs to go!
This has been a REALL. TOUGH. WEEK. At least eating-wise. I think "thinkpositive" said it best where it's been difficult to keep my eye on the prize. I've had a couple of things really stress me out, and my response has been to eat. The sugar-free chocolates are gone, and most of the keto chocolate cake is gone; the rest is in the freezer not to be touched AT ALL. I still have a batch of fat bombs, but I didn't make those as sweet this time, so they don't really do it for me as far as binge-eating on sweets.
In a nutshell, these are the things that have really thrown me off the deep end this week:
It's been a struggle all week, mostly eating 4+ sugar free chocolates. However, last night, I just gave up; it was my son's news (which is a fantastic thing for him!). Finished up the last 2 chocolates, had 3 fat bombs, and then a huge piece of keto chocolate cake.
The bright side is that I had loads of energy this morning, and I did not eat breakfast until 10:30a. But this is not good for me, nor is it the way I want to live.
Speaking of which, I've decided that I've been eating too many artificial sweeteners. (This is NOT what has sent me off the deep end, as my weight loss was achieved using sweeteners. That is 100% an emotional response.) So I've stepped away from the protein bars I usually have for breakfast. I'm trying not to drink water with added flavor packets, etc. That's one reason why I packed away the keto cake in the freezer... just need to do better, but it's hard. REALLY HARD.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
once you start eating sweet things, you want more sweet things. so it's always good to pull back, yeah. i'm Queen of sweet things, i am sure you know! "stevia to the rescue!"
you can always freeze the fat bombs.
i totally relate to you that eating is used as a "bandaid" over the emotional situations. i do the same but work at it too. at least we know how to make healthier choices than we used to and binges are no longer as terrible in general. you've come a long way.
do you remember when you "decided" you were in Maintenance or when you reached the maintenance numbers on the scale?
Logging in from work, because I have time here that I didn't have this morning, and I have things I want to talk about.
Completed my 2nd lower body heavy weights workout last night. So one week under the belt, and I'm so glad I'm doing this. I've decided pretty much that I am not going to get any more refills on the amino acid supplements I was taking for "muscle recovery". I think it would serve me better to just eat or drink some source of protein after weights. Now that I know that the muscle fatigure I was feeling is more likely due to being so anemic, rather than just depleted.
I finally mentioned this to my husband last night, but I don't think he really heard me, and so now I'm mentioning it here: I'm rather stressed out about these medical issues. I know that I don't need to be, at least not right now because for now we don't know anything. And if it's just anemia, that will be OK. I mean to say, it's not like I have cancer. I know this logically; however, emotionally, I'm really struggling with keeping calm on the inside. So what did I do to try to calm myself down? Eat almost an entire bag of sugar free chocolate candy. DO NOT DO THIS. Even if malitol does not cause you gas or diarrhea, this is NOT a smart thing to do. I am REALLY regretting my actions from last night this morning.
Today is picture day at work, and of course, I feel just awful:
With the bloat, the overeating, and heavier weight training, I do not anticipate a very good weigh-in this Saturday. However, I took a look in the mirror: very pleased with arms and legs progress - coming along quite nicely!
Well all I can do is try to do better today. So that is what I will do.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
I've planned for a "sick day" and will NOT prob do a full exercise or long walk, but, i WILL walk to all appointments (they are all around 1/2 mile away, that's it and it's only 2 different locations!) that day...i'm not sure i'll be walking more, depends on weather..
i plan to GO TO LIBRARY :) and research Paris more between on the appts...we shall see if i change my mind!
I feel like i got to maintenance maybe a full year or so before you decided you were at maintenance...that whole first year i was still learning how to maintain especially bc i think the week into the wedding i was eating rather low cals and low cals all that last month i'm sure so i remember after reaching maintenance i was quick to gain after my sister's wedding in april 2016 (now already 3 years ago!). since then i have maintained (so 3 years i've been in maintenance - HOW LONG FOR YOU IN MAINTENANCE??). what i'm trying to say is, when you add in the weight training stuff and starting to eat diff foods, these are variables that will affect your maintenance of course!
Malitol DOES cause me gas and of course worse things!
even if you are bloated, it will NOT show in picture day ;)
I hope you feel better soon. I am glad you are noticing change in your body already, i am sure there is!
Made it through yesterday. I just realized that my upper body workout was the best part of yesterday, so that's saying something!
The ultrasound was not so bad, but I am glad that it is over, and also glad that I do not have to do this on a regular basis. Even drinking the 32 ounces of water an hour before was not so difficult. Unpleasant, but not difficult. My husband came with me, and I'm glad that he did. Moral support was very helpful.
I actually had 2 ultrasounds: one was on my pelvis, and it was so neat to see my insides: uterus, ovaries... At one point, the tech was taking measurements of something, and without thinking I said, "OH MY GOSH IS THAT WHOLE THING A FIBROID???" She said, "We're not allowed to say anything about the ultrasound," to which I replied, quite embarrassed, "Yes, of course, I understand, I'm terribly sorry." I think what I was seeing was actually my entire uterus.
The second part of the ultrasound was transvaginal. I could not see the screen for that part. I had to work hard to relax, but I did it quite well. If you relax, the procedure is not painful or nearly as uncomfortable as it would be if you are not relaxed. She kind of walked me through what she was doing ("Now I'm looking at your right ovary..."). Fascinating!
My doctor should have these results by the end of the week. I see a GI doctor in 2 weeks (from yesterday) to (probably) set up a scope. THAT preparation will be difficult. I am not looking forward to that at all. I do not think I need a GI scope other than I'm getting old.
Getting to work an hour late was like being thrown into the deep end of a cold pool. Phones ringing, lenders with questions, email overload.... Not the best way to start one's day under any circumstances. In retrospect, I probably failed to set boundaries for myself (I'm not ready, I need coffee, take a message). However, I sit right outside my boss's office, and if I say, "Take a message" then that sounds like I'm not trying, or that I'm anti-social or not available to our people. That's the thing about my job is that I really have to be at everyone's mercy and demands. It's incredibly unfair, but we're a service industry and that's how it goes.
Tonight is lower body weights. I am so glad that I am challenging myself with these heavier weights. I have also caught myself looking at pricing/offers for the local gyms, for my next step! The best deal is in a totally inconvenient location. The closest cheap place (I could ride my bike there) is Anytime Fitness, which is only staffed 10am-7pm. The other really close place is too expensive and on my "Lottery List" if I ever win the lottery. The gym with a punch-card system is farther away and not convenient. Well, there's time to make this sort of decision later on.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
I work at two Anytime Fitness gyms, and even if they are not staffed, you should still be able to access the gym at 'Anytime'. So unless you need the staff for a specific reason, you can go whenever you want.
The other good thing about Anytime Fitness, here anyways, is that when you become a member you get access to their workout app that you can download for free to your phone. This app shows you a MILLION different exercises you can do - it even provides programs for you to follow for strength workouts - and has a short video for EVERY exercise to actually show you correct form and how to do the movement pattern. It's AWESOME and I highly recommend it - although I am slightly biased!
It's great your husband joined you. That's a good partnership you have with him and as long as he can join you, i think it's the best option too.
Not sure if you remember, but i have training in the field of Xray tech which is similiar to sono tech. That's their typical reply to any questions about what they are looking at. Don't be embarassed, they must say that statement all day long! They might also answer something like "The dr will be the one to share any details with you, etc etc..." Believe it or not, they only take the photos, but they don't diagnose...that's the pay scale / training.
next time, if you have to, pick up a coffee on the way to work if you are coming late? even though you are spending money, it's a way to have it with you...or, just quickly come in and make a coffee first thing, so you don't have to think about it. this is what i do in mornings everyday at work (it works for me). you are allowed a coffee at work, even if late, there's no sign saying otherwise, if it is going to help you get your work done ;) I understand what you feel about it seems like you aren't trying - remember you are your WORST critic and that for 15 minutes people can take calls until you are settled...i think it's ok, but that's just my opinion.
I will not have timem to post tomorrow morning, most likely, as I am leaving for the hospital for my ultrasound at around 7am. I guess I will be drinking water the whole trip down there. Then I am coming home and getting ready for work -- not going to rush getting to work AT ALL.
Today, I felt a nice muscle ache in my lower body from Sunday's weight training. I'm really looking forward to seeing results - if any - to using the 15lb dumbbells. Have to keep the eating in check, though. *sigh*
So even if I'm not posting myself or replies, I am keeping up with your entries.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
Yes, you will see results though it may even take a few months. Yes, the eating needs to be in check too...which YES is hard especially in Winter since (at least in my case) cardio isn't that big yet especially on weekends.
good luck at your appointment today and take your time on the commuting.
I know you will see results with your progression in strength training if you stick to it; just keep trying to follow along with your plan!
Not too sore this morning from working out with the heavier weights (upper body) yesterday. Hmm... With the heavier weights, I find that I have to utilize my workbench more, to help stabilize my arms, or rather, joints, to isolate the movements. Need to take my "before" pictures this morning...
This week, at work, we're supposed to be having a photo session for the firm's website, because since the last photo, 3 people have left, 1 person is new, and the person who was excluded last time (Nice Lady - yes, excluded because she's not part of our firm, but rather paid by Associate Attorney) will be included this time. My hair is normally dark brown, but I have a patch of gray/white hair at my face where my part is. It's not a solid patch, but there's quite a bit of gray there. So I decided that this would not photograph well and want to project a more professional image for something that will be online for the next 5 years. I chose a lighter brown hair color at the store, thinking a lighter brown would look warmer. I was taking an online political quiz when I was letting the dye set, and ended up keeping the dye in my hair way too long.
When I finally got in the shower to rinse it out, I came out of the shower only to find that my hair had turned a bright color of burnt orange. Yes. This morning, now that the hair is dry, it looks more like light brown, but not all of the gray is covered -- I've read that some people's gray hair cannot be colored. For whatever reason, it rejects or cannot absorb the dye. The gray that is left blends in more with the lighter brown, and I'm OK with that. I was not happy about having to color my hair though. The instant I rinsed it out, I missed my gray hair. >>>This could also be a reaction to the hideous orange outcome though, hard to tell what my emotions were other than horrified.
I made the decision to stop dying my hair and go natural because the chemicals are very harsh, and my hair is thin enough already. I didn't feel like I lost that much hair this time around, but I could tell when putting on the dye that my hair really is thin - that I'm not just imagining this. It may be the anemia. I'm hoping that's what it is... It might just be part of getting old.
Speaking of which, on Tuesday, I'm having an ultrasound which will be evaluated by a GI doctor to see if I need to be scoped. Yikes! I'm probably due for another scope anyway. I had one in my early 30s, and there was 1-2 polyps that came back benign. Now that I am approaching 50, it's probably time for another scope, but if I don't need one, I'd be OK with that. It's a very unpleasant, uncomfortable process to cleanse the day before. On the plus side, though, that might help me lose a few pounds, LOL.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
lol to losing a few more pounds bc of the scoping procedures LOL...
i always find that dying hair makes a person look so much younger, but, if you don't want to dye it, it's your preference! they do sell more natural products...
i'm glad you are doing the heavier weights, you will NOT be disappointed. as long as you don't just eat to gain weight, there's no way that lifting will bulk you up as muscle takes up less space than fat! :)
We hate what's good for ourselves, sometimes.
i like feeling young, though the expense for highlights is sorta pricey (i do go the cheapest route but it's still an expense)....but like i said, i do like to do certain things with my appearance to feel young and this hair thing helps me a LOT!...so highlights it is until i start to gray in the back...then i'll prob go back to brown for awhile even though i prefer to be blonde it's too harsh on my head to really do that overall, i'm thinking.
I am home and it feels good to be back. This weekend getaway mini-vacation to relax was just what I needed. I will do this again with Mr. Donkey, probably in the Fall, once the real estate season comes down from the Spring/Summer rush. It was nice to spend time with my husband just "being", with no agenda or plans, other than 5:30p dinner reservations last night. (And we didn't even really need them that early in the evening.)
A few observations:
Today was my first day of heavy weights for upper body. I am going to take a "before" picture so that I have an "after" picture at the end of the month - or maybe when the 15lb weights get too light for me. I never take "before" pictures, because I don't want to remember myself THEN, just NOW. Makes no sense, and then after progress is made, it's like, Wow, I wish I had taken a picture! (DOH!)
I was encouraged to read on one of those keto Facebook pages a post from a woman who gained about 4 pounds but toned up her arms fantastically - I mean, one of those before/after photo shots where you say "WOW". I just have to be able to wrap my head around higher numbers on the scale. But really, now it's more about looking in the mirror and liking what I see and feeling good, from inside to out, rather than relying on the scale for feedback. I'll still weigh in, but it's a different approach.
Part of the reason I wanted to get away was to have time and quiet to think about my future, especially with the prospect of moving in the not-so-far future. I came to a few conclusions:
So nothing really confirmed except that I need to keep working and we need to re-evaluate many more times before our direction becomes clearer.
In the meantime, I need to take care of myself more and not let myself get sucked into all the toxicity around me.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
I'm glad you did the before and after photos. I didn't take many photos when i was unhappy with my body (the before) and now i have no comparison photos. i wish i had the proof of the work i put in! but i'm also just glad i reached this point!
although you don't have answers to everything, at least you have given these questionable topics some thought. is your husband the same age as you, or is he a few years older?
Logging in from my phone so this will be short.
This afternoon, husband and I are going away to a bed and breakfast for a couple of days of relaxing (for me) and thinking. I'm not sure this is what my husband has in mind but oh well. I feel like I need to recharge and center myself, because work is already getting busier, and I will get busier before I get slower...
So staying keto strong will be a challenge, but hopefully not too stressful for me. Just have to make the best decisions for myself that I can. Won't be exercising, but I've been feeling some"heaviness" (fatigue) in my legs, so it's time for a rest. I do plan to walk, if I can but only as a means to relax and decompress.
So no weigh-in this weekend, but will be starting with heavier winds when I get back into town on Saturday.
Going into work an hour earlier to get stuff done. Was on my bike at 5:02a. It's harder to get myself out of bed earlier, but I really do appreciate getting started with my day earlier. It's a good thing.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
no matter what, enjoy the time away. and realize you have a lot of options / choices and you can choose whatever you want (with food) and if you cannot find someting, you can go get it... :) ENJOY! :)
Not feeling so great today. Still feeling the effects of Friday night (DARN IT), and woke up to my back and left-butt really sore and achy. Riding my bike this morning didn't help relax the muscles any, so I was going to take Aleve. But I started with the higher doses of iron pills -- 2 pills on an empty stomach: BIG MISTAKE. Felt so sick to my stomach. So I might take an Aleve later on, once I think my stomach can handle it. I can tell that something's "off" because I absolutely want NO coffee whatsoever. I'm also way behind in drinking water -- which is also probably why I'm not feeling good, but IDK if my stomach can handle even THAT. I'm trying wataer right now, so I may be on my way to feeling better.
My left eye has been bothering me too, so I put in some moisturizing gel in it. It feels better now, but working that gel into dissolving was unpleasant.
Gosh I feel like I'm falling apart here today! But I'm glad that I tried the higher iron dosage today, because I won't do that again. I'll take the pills at night, so that I can sleep through the nausea, because no way could I go to work feeling like I did this morning.
I hope to do a little keto food prep for the week today.... I don't know if I'll get to it.
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
You can do this, J donk! :)
Good idea to help the eye along before it gets worse? does it feel better??
Don't worry, try to rest this weekend a little extra if you can :)...group outtings lol, never what you expect them to be! :)
i have to improve my cardio so much but i feel if i just try to train, for just under a year, i can reach the minimums...i hope.
otherwise, i'll just stay in the electrical union and continue my own training as i always have. i'd rather not think this way, but, it's so hard to improve right now...however, if i use my vacations and sick days more as a purpose to train and not travel, it can be done :) if i use the sick / vacation days for training, i'd miss far less workouts due to planning problems and busy schedules. so, that's the plan after Paris...when the vacation / sick days come back in April & May. less travel, more effort for physical training...i'll see what kind of dent i can make in this cardio. back to training for the 2 "obstacle" race types of courses involved...well, speed tests i mean.
Making this a quick entry this morning. I plan to update later on today. I was only OK with today's weigh-in. I mean, yes, I'm glad that I had a lower number, but for not having a proper dinner last night due to last night's work-related bowling party where they had a million non-keto pizzas, and being more disciplined and not having to deal with so many hormones, I had TRULY hoped to see something like 129.0.
OMG last night's bowling party for work... I know I can't let this get me down, but it seems like this one event has already totally thrown off my whole weekend. I desperately need my weekends, and now this. Stayed up way too late, because we HAD to bowl 3 games. Didn't get to bed until 11pm. Woke up late and tired. My throat is very tight, like I'm getting sick. Not good. I am glad that I went, but a fine example of too much of a good thing. And I did not appreciate there being only pizza. WTF. I had a baggie of cheese, lunch meat, and then baby carrots, so I did eat something, but that's not really a dinner. *One thing I learned though is that for whatever reason, Queen Bee *really* has it out for Associate Attorney. I do NOT know what her problem is but it's like she never misses an opportunity to get out her stinger.
This afternoon, Mr. Donkey and I are going to the movies with his veterans group. It is free for us, but it's not a movie I really wanted to see. I seem not to enjoy many movies any more. I don't have the attention, and I start taking apart dialog, camera shots, lighting -- rather than experiencing the movie overall. But maybe I'll get a nice nap. Or maybe I will end up enjoying the movie. It's about a disabled veteran played by Bryan Cranston (from Breaking Bad). But then there's the overwhelming smell of popcorn to deal with...
Ya know, I feel like I owe a HUGE apology to my fellow DD'ers who have struggled, because I am really feeling and living it right now. I feel like maintenance is more of a struggle than the actual weight loss!
EVENING EDIT: I promised I would update again, so here I am. The movie was actually a good time, and my husband really liked it, so that made me double-happy. In fact, I think just sitting and relaxing for 2 hours was MOST helpful for me. I went into the movie feeling drained, emotional, anxious. I came out feeling rested, happy, and relaxed -- even though I didn't fall asleep at all!
Dinner was keto except for the 1/2 banana that my daughter didn't eat because it was "too brown" (not really). Because today is my relax day, I had 2 dark chocolate squares (about 130 calories) and about a dozen almonds. Now I am going to do my upper body workout and then get ready for bed. (I'll start the heavier weights in March - ready to see some poppin' muscles!)
The kids just left to go get frozen yogurt, so I'm going to sign off and get upstairs, started on my workout, so that I don't have to be around it.
ADDITIONAL EVENING EDIT: Just wanted to add that my left butt is so sore from overusing it at bowling last night - enough to the point where sitting down becomes a slight challenge, LOL...
Progress as of today: 54.5 lbs lost so far, only -4.5 lbs to go!
I'm glad you brought some food with you to bowling. I gotta tell you, whenever going to group events or even get togethers (like with my cousins last week), it's like you can always plan to be out later than you would have liked. Me and you, who like our alone time and time away from crowds, i understand why we like to leave and just get back to our home lives. but, it's great you went!
and for instance the chocolate things i made, the pb cups, they have a lot of cals since they are simply made with chocolate, peanut butter, and coconut oil. all such heavy stuff. but the good thing is they don't rocket your blood sugars.
i find though, in the mornings, that i prefer some real sugar these days at work. that i need it to get me going...so i may start experimenting with some other items. just gotta think what i want to make...
i know what you mean about movies. i don't like all genres. action = no way jose! really i just like the documentaries, some comedies, and romance.
i have even, last summer, stopped a movie close to the end bc it was so BORING! lol.
when i used to watch movies with ricky at his apt, we'd take breaks every 30min-1hour so we didn't have to sit still for too long! lol
I completely get wanting to have real sugar. I really do. Today, on the drive to the theater, I was thinking how really addicted I am to sugar.
I have a recipe for flaxseed crackers that I REALLY want to make soon - sounds yummy for when I want something crunchy.
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Friday night can be a time a lot of people slip up, so nice job on making Friday night a time for better decisions!
When i first reached "goal" for my sister's wedding, that Spring in April, i did gain easily before summer just under 5 lbs and i realized i was going to have to watch it. I have only had just under 5lbs or so a gain during maintenance of my weight. I know from past experience that it wouldn't be wise to try to maintain any lower a number..
i do not believe in a puffy look when eating carbs bc the only "lean and mean" look is less body fat, IMO.
nothing you write will bore me!!! :) i love to read what you write! :)