Checking in, but not too much to say...
Monday I was very sad, still, so I did not post. Yesterday... what the heck happened to yesterday...
I've been struggling with the eating part, feeling that I am eating too much... yet I am not feeling (over) stuffed. Maybe it's my food choices? This is really bothering me.
I suspect, as Horn (?) suggested, that this could all be related to the change in seasons. If so, then next week, when we change the clocks back, may be another difficult adjustment -- on top of all the other changes I've had to cope with these past couple of weeks.
Today is Halloween, but I'm already looking ahead to Christmas. Maybe that's a good sign :)
Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!
I find that when I am more active on weekends, I eat more. Wow, last night, did I ever go off plan. My daughter and I had fun carving up our 2 pumpkins, and I roasted the seeds. Way too salt, but that didn't stop me from eating way too many! While I had those, I helped myself to several slices of salami. Problem was that I had an early dinner, I think, which was because my lumch was too light. I'm hoping that the salt will work itself out.
I do enjoy being more active. The weather is perfect for me for walking: cloudy, colder, maybe a little windy.
Contemplating what to do about weight training, inspired by Happy and her love of yoga, I thought that maybe I would do just the push-ups, planks (if my back can handle it), and some mild resistance & balance exercises. I might make this a November goal, I think, to give me some more time to make it through this week... or at least through Monday.
I went to the library yesterday - my "go to" place to cheer myself up - and checked out a book that I am really enjoying. Another task that I accomplished yesterday - without the kids' help - was chopping up the last big branch from the storms we had a month ago. Chopping wood is the best form of therapy, I think. Sadness, anger, frustration -- all of it can come out with the swing of the axe.
This week is Halloween. I probably bought too much candy. I know that I don't have to be tempted though because I can get sugar-free candy if I feel that I'm craving something sweet. I'm tempted to try some keto baking but that might not be a good idea this weekend, as I am feeling vulnerable, emotionally. The point isn't necessarily to eat atlernatives but rather, not to eat, period.
EVENING EDIT: Rather than doing some keto baking or anything to do with food, I worked on cleaning and re-organizing litter boxes, now that we are down to just one cat. I also realzed that I needed to clean up kitty's food dish, since she was on special food for her kidney condition. I just finished doing that as welll; the food dish contraption is drying in the kitchen. So now she really is gone.
I went for a short walk after dinner. I'm actually glad to be going to work tomorrow, because it will help me get "back on track". I feel like this weekend was way out of control with eating and choices. Logically, I do not think this is so, with the one exception of those roasted, salty pumpkin seeds. But it FEELS that I ate too much, too bad all weekend. Some of this is hormones. I know, though, that being at work, as much as I do not like being there, will help.
Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!
The book I'm reading is "The Best Land under Heaven" about the Donner party trekking out to California. I find true-life stories about traveling adventures gone wrong to be fascinating. This is not the first book that I've read about the Donners, but it's been a while.
also, nice job going out for you walk too! When i exercise more, I also do get hungrier too!
Also, I have also been eating tons last week as it was hormonal stuff going on...
there's somethign good about the keto stuff, the high fat and low sugar tends to "stick to you" and you can be satisfied more easily, i think, from less.
i'd say it's best to have a dessert iwth a coffee or unsweetened almond milk or something, to fill your stomach.
some of my keto recipes are good, some were not as good.
one of mine, a simple one of 4 ingredients, my coworkers loved. it was only cocoa powder, coconut oil, erythritol sweetener and ...why can't i remember?...eggs.
i doubt they'll like what i made this weekend - the pumpkin pie cream cheese fat bombs / and the avocado brownies.
however i'll say i do like the avocado brownies because they are so moist. so i'll eat them no worries for breakfast.
Using the protein bars for breakfast was successful. That is probably the only successful thing that happened this week.
I took a look back at my written log for the Ironman scale - the one that measures fat%, water %, muscle %, and bone density. It's telling me that I've lost mostly muscle, which makes sense since I haven't been doing weights for about 3 weeks. So what do I do? Do I start weights up again and gain weight? (Don't talk to me about good weight versus bad weight, muscles weighs more than fat, blah blah blah. It's all about the numbers.) If I do start up weights, do I keep it light and low? Or focus on the heavier weights? Maybe just push-ups and planks for something different?
In order to cheer myself up at work, I started listening to Christmas music on my computer. I keep the volume low, with my speakers at around 25 9out of 100) -- but of course, you know my co-workers: critical comments abound.
In my efforts to downsize and pack to move - which now isn't happening for another few years - I do not have the usual Halloween decorations this year. I'm kind of sad about that, but decided to get 2 more pumpkins to carve, for a total of 3. Each one can go in a flower pot that I have in the front yard. I'm hoping that carving pumpkins will help cheer me up a little bit.
Monday, the daughter is driving out to Iowa to meet up with the Boyfriend (who is no longer the Boyfriend, I guess), to get some personal property and maybe talk things out in person. This was the weekend he was supposed to be here for a visit. I'm still grieving, I guess.
Progress as of today: 61 lbs lost so far, only -11 lbs to go!
will you please post a photo of your carved pumpkins!
i wonder if she really has much at his place...hmmm...
Taking a little time for myself before I leave for work, rather than getting to work early...
I'm so sad. My daughter seems to have broken up with her boyfriend, so he will not be visiting us this weekend. I understand why she's breaking up, but I'm just so sad for both of them, individually. He is such a nice young man, if somewhat unambitious. They are both young though, so ... maybe it wasn't meant to be. There is another young man that has been in my daughter's life since they were in 6th grade together, and I would be OK if that came to fruition, but for now, they are just friends. He's in college in Iowa and she's here trying to figure out her next step.
Is it possible to accept something on a logical level, and yet feel a lot of grief and sadness on an emotional level?
This month has had way too much sadness in it for little Donkey....
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
My friend type relationship with R has plunged for the worst. Without going into detail bc it's just so stupid a situation, he threw a very light package at my feet because i didn't leave his apt lobby fast enough bc he wanted to speak with someone and i didn't oblige his command to get outta there...public humiliation and embarrassment aren't acceptable. this is one of the reasons i cannot date him. He's extremely unpredictable and i think he's bipolar. either way, i'm done with him for the time being....as it upset me so much that he'd ever embarrass me, in public, in front of other people. not acceptable behavior. and i'm embarrassed.
I know your daughter is really young and just starting out her real adult life...you, J donk, are a person that actually feels others' feelings...you understand people on a really deep level, more than the avg person i think! so, let your daughter continue and move forward, please don't be too sad....life has to have ups and downs so we understand and live a little...time to learn from relationships to improve on them in the future and learn what we want in them. so, your daughter is living life i'd say :) if anything, maybe i can suggest you smile about it...because you see your daughter moving forward, making decisions, changing :)
Bless you, J donk, for your deep connection emotionally to people. I think you really do have a gift! :)
Along similar lines of what happened to you, she had a change of heart when they had an argument about a month ago.
Taking a little time for myself this morning to write in DD...
I ended up going to work yesterday afternoon from abou 1:30p to 5:15p. My co-worker did a fabulous job of keeping up, although I did find a few things that she hadn't followed through on. Had I been gone for longer, they would have popped up though. So I am completely caught up.
The final push to go to work yesterday was that my husband was in a lot of pain and very crabby with everyone. He was snapping at everyone and throwing tantrums and yelling. After he finally snapped at the last person in the house, I said, "Are you in a lot of pain today?" and when he admitted it, then everything made sense (unfortunately).
So today starts a short-term experiment with having protein bars for breakfast. I bought a box of Quest bars in chocolate fudge brownie, which was rather expensive, if I do say so. I thought I might not have enough, though, for both myself and husband (if he should happen to get desperately hungry, which he did), so I bought a box of peanut butter chocolate crunch variety, from Aldi. They don't have a brand name -- Evolution, maybe they're called? IDK... The Quest ones were awful - you could totally tell they were sugar free, but my husband, who is picky about sugar free, thought they were good. He must have been VERY hungry. I have one bar left.
I thought the peanut butter ones were better, and they were cheaper too.
I usually have 2 breakfasts: one at 9am and one at 10:45a or 11am. Lunch is usually at 1pm at my desk, after my walk. Snack at 3pm.
I didn't weigh in when I returned from Vegas (because it wasn't Saturday), so I won't have a numbers measurement of success, but this is experiment isn't really about numbers, but rather finding a breakfast that works for me. I DO NOT LIKE "fake" food, and since these are kind of expensive, I don't see this as being a long-term thing, but let's see how they work for a week. :)
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
i like many bars too...i find they hit the spot at certain times of day :)
i hate fake food too..it's gotta taste good / real
most bars i ate are more natural than other protein brands...like my atkins bar of coconut is mostly the coconut! :)
Oh how nice it is to get up in the morning and exercise! How I missed my bike 
But I do not regret my little vacation, because it was time for a break from the routine, for sure.
How nice it was to put collagen in my morning coffee! Last night, I was really looking forward to that this morning. However, unless I see significant improvement in my hair, I will not buy another cannister of this stuff. Just not my thing...
I'm going to finish unpacking, fold laundry, pay bills, and then try to get out there and pick up branches for tomorrow's garbage/yard-waste pick-up. I still want to get some kind of walk in today, if I can. Chilly but sunny and clear out.
Athough I have to run this by Mr. Donkey, I've decided that if we are going to move out to the Vegas area to be closer to family, we should take a trip out there in the summer to see if either of us can tolerate the heat. Chicago summers are generally hot and HUMID and very buggy, which is not good for my husband's medical condition -- but I do not know if I could stand the temperatures that they have out there in the summer, like that. Also, I think I would really miss Midwestern winters, even if they are miserable.
On the plus side to my plan, by then, my brother might have his swimming pool installed. Double win for Donkey. The problem with this plan is that July/August is super busy for real estate, so taking ANY time off puts me hopelessly behind.
If I win the Power Ball or Mega Millions lottery though, this is all moot (LOL)...
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
Sounds like that would be a big move for you guys, and kind of exciting! If you make the decision to move, I know you will be able to work through the obstacles :)
it's not my thing either with the collagen...i never got hooked. i once made sugar free jells...they were good! but i sorta ruined the pot!
i hope you got a walk in!?
well, you can take a WEEK off maybe early in the season...right before you get busy...or with time still to catch up!? you gotta enjoy the swimming pool!
my office all put in the for lotto!
I'm home - and so happy to be home! Even though Vegas was nice & warm and I came home to cold and windy. I couldn't wait to get back to eating vegetables - LOTS of vegetables like I like to eat them. And definitely needed to get back on my exercise bike. SO tired of eating out, eating big breakfasts, and so tired of spending large portions of time just SITTING. For example, my mom drove me to do something somewhere, and the ride was an hour and a half! My poor Fitbit kept notifying me that it's time to move, and I just wasn't in a position to do so, which in turn kind of made me a little said at each 10-minutes-to-the-hour until 7pm when the Fitbit notifications turn off. I did get some walking in, and a great hike up Mount Charleston, but it's not the same thing as being consistently active throughout the day.
As I was packing last night, I said to myself, "I can't wait to get home and lose weight!"
I took tomorrow off too, but I'm thinking I might go in around 1pm to use the afternoon to catch up on my files, which would make Tuesday a real work day, i.e. back on track. I have a little unpacking left to do and some bill-paying. I want to get back into my exercise routine and maybe go for a morning walk, before I go back to work.
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
So today was very difficult, as we said good bye to our beloved kitty. This was a difficult day.
As hard as this was, it was not particularly conducive to restrictive eating. Exercise was helpful, as a diversion.
Finally, just wanted to say that it seems that collagen in my hot coffee seems to be the solution to my dilemma for the remainder of my supply.
I'm glad today is over.
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
next, sorry about your kitty. she's in a better place now, thankfully! i do hope you will be a kitty mom again because you show them the love and care they need.
also, i wanted to tell you, i'm contemplating a cat. however, with my inability to know what the future holds with work, it seems i cannot get one?
should i wait till i know what's happening in 2020?
or should i get one and possibily have to give it to someone else and/or give it to a shelter then?
I want to thank you all for being patient with me and allowing me to vent some of my feelings this past week (or 2). Even though it wasn't diet-oriented, I think that it shows that no matter what comes our way, consistency is the key.
There's a lady I follow on Facebook who says she's on a weight-loss journey. She spends a lot of $$$ on Advocare products, although now she gets a discount because she's a distributor. I'm not sure why she spends the money on these products because she continually falls off the plan whenever something happens, and with 4 kids, a husband, and a large extended family, something is always happening. For example, her middle-school son broke his leg, so she couldn't handle the stress and quit for 3 weeks, sliding back on any progress she had made before then, since the last drama in her life. She's trying to grow her Advocare business - and now trying to become a certified personal trainer - but I don't think she's made the connection that she's her best advertisement!
I'm not quite sure why I follow her, because it frustrates me so...
Speaking of supplements, I can tell you that I most likely will not be buying any more collagen powder. I cannot seem to find a medium what it mixes well in. Horn suggested using a blender, but if I have to use a blender, then I won't use the powder. Too many dishes to clean afterwards! I've tried a few things to mix it with:
So unless I see a major improvement in hair, I'm not buying more. I'll finish what I have though.
Taking this week off of weight training too, I think. Monday and Tuesday are the only normal days I have this week. OK, I'm calling myself out on this: Donkey cannot even do 5 minutes devoted to weights????? (Just like that Facebook lady I talked about up above!)
I was chopping up (with an axe) large branches that fell in the backyard from the last 2 storms we had, and hurt my back. I got most of it done before I decided to start listening to my back and rest. How foolish of me!!! Have I already forgotten how AWFUL it was the last time I hurt my back? I think I caught myself in time, though, because this morning, only my arms felt that muscle ache, and my back felt fine during my morning bike ride. Thank goodness for recumbent bikes.
Good health is everything. Can't buy it, and once it's gone (whether temporary or permanent), everything changes.
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
Life is give and take...don't be so hard on yourself for not doing the weights...i have the same problem with cardio...but i will DEF get it in today!
glad you are in better spirits....don't force the collagen.
http://www.poppiesandpapayas.com/2016/03/the-collagen-latte.html
Thank goodness for dreams about McDonalds because it sure has been a sad and stressful time for Donkey.
So, I've been very frustrated/angry/sad/defeated about life in general. But then, to add to that, my step-father's brother (Uncle John) passed away last week. So last weekend was his funeral, which suprisingly, seemed to hit me harder than my step-father's death, although I was not particularly close to Uncle John. At the funeral, though, there were a lot of stories about Uncle John and my step-father, so maybe that had something to do with it? Or perhaps because his passing was sudden, even though he had been sick for so long.
Then, I learned that one of my daughter's classmates committed suicide this week, and the funeral Mass is today. I'm not sure if I'm going. I didn't know this boy personally, but my daughter had a class with him, and would tell us stories about him at dinner. He was kind of a square peg in a town of round holes, so I really felt his pain in these stories. Also, he performed in several high school drama events, so I have seen him perform....
IDK, I'm so angry with the Catholic church (my faith) right now. I haven't been to Mass since December 2016. I'm not sure I can bring myself to do this. If my daughter wanted to go and would go, then I'd go with her, of course, but she has to work. I just don't know.
Then, to top eveything off, my beloved kitty cat has been in the final stages of renal failure for about 2 weeks. She doesn't seem to be in pain, but watching her decline (literally waste away) has not been easy, not to mention all of the clean-up that is involved, because she's no longer the tidy cat that she used to be. I don't especially want to put her down because she does not seem to be in pain, plus, the trauma of taking her to the vet would make her last moments in this world, scary and painful, and I do not want that for her, if it can be avoided.
When I weighed in this morning - successfully shedding all of the bloat from last week - I realized that next Saturday, there won't be a weigh-in because I'll be out of town visiting my mom. And while this is anticipated to be a happy trip, it's still quite stressful for me, as I am not a good traveler. Plus, my family dynamics are always a little touchy on the toxicity.
But the stress of the upcoming trip hasn't even hit me yet, because the day before we leave, I will miss a full, extra day of work to take my husband to the VA hospital for more medical evaluations. And that's not stressful either, right????
Thank you for letting me just get that out.
Progress as of today: 59 lbs lost so far, only -9 lbs to go!
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Thank you for checking in today, Donkey. Sometimes that is the only thing we should expect of ourselves when we are going through difficult times/feelings. Take some time to give yourself a break.
happy-1 on 11/01/2018:
Hugs. Someone needs an epsom salt bath and a soundtrack of happy music.