Day 66: I think I miscounted. We are already into December so there are less than 33 days left for the "100 days" challenge... none of this went the way I had intended anyway.
I was driving to work the other day, feeling like my life is a mess: not keeping track of finances, off track on diet, off track on yoga, just feeling a mess.
I stopped myself and thought, maybe this is exactly where I'm supposed to be, maybe this is how I'm supposed to be doing things for me at this time. Maybe things aren't a total reason wreck. I'm not sure what that's all about, but it helped me feel better.
Stress yoga was ok. Got confused at one point about left- right, so the teacher had to help me out. Also, could not maintain balance on a one-legged position. It was hard to let go and relax at the closing meditation (savasana).
Tonight is Vinyasa yoga, and I'm quite divided about going. Why am I afraid?
Sick Kitty is taking her medicine, and eating and drinking more. This is good except that now she's peeing all over her bedding, because she is still too weak to get off the bed and use her box. So that's not good. We clean her and her bedding, to keep her dignity intact, but it's stressful.
Today, Mistakes Girl and I are going to a 2.5 hour luncheon to watch Associate Attorney's inauguration as Treasurer for a local realtor group. He initially joined this group (even though he's not an attorney) for networking purposes. Becoming treasurer is the last thing he needs on his plate right now, but that's his drama, not mine. Hard to watch a train leaving the station knowing what wreck lies ahead. Nice Lady will end up doing all of his work on this.
I hope I can make good choices. I'm hoping it's a buffet so that I can load up on vegetables, lol...
And I hope I can make up my mind about scary yoga tonight...
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Day 64:
Up early to get in my morning bike ride before catching the 8a train into Chicago. My mom is in town for a quick visit, and we are meeting her downtown for lunch. Initially, it was going to be my husband coming too, but he has opted to stay home. It's quite a bit of walking, too much, for him. In addition, he thought someone ought to stay home to take care of Sick Kitty, as her medicine is supposed to arrive today. Plus, he woke up with a cold this morning, which rather sealed his decision.
I'm a little behind in this, but I've been thinking about switching back to low carb rather than keto - to revert for about a month. It would have been grand to start this on December 1st but missed that opportunity.
I realized this morning that I missed Library Yoga last night. This is only offered once a month, so I'm rather disappointed with my forgetfulness.
(This is the class with the teacher who had weight loss surgery.)
Library Yoga is Yin Yoga, which I find so relaxing... a missed opportunity indeed.
Oh well, tonight is Stress Reduction Yoga so perhaps I will enjoy that even more.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
Also, hoping you make it to yoga.
What was for lunch!?
Day 63: Just going to get through it.
I did no yoga. I'm keeping a hand-written yoga journey in a planner that my daughter bought for herself and then decided she wasn't going to use it. It's been 4 days without yoga, and today will probably be day 5 without yoga. There are a million excuses, but primarily, I'm so worried about my poor cat.
Her medicine is supposed to arrive tomorrow, and we will be downtown for most of the day, visiting my mom in Chicago. (Mom came out from Vegas for this.) It's a tradition with her to go to the Walnut Room dining room at Macy's (the old Marshall Fields). My heart just isn't in it.
Oh and gained 2.5 pounds over the holiday. Well... the pie is completely gone now, so hopefully this means I can get back on track. I do not want to go over my Goal Weight.
On the positive side, I was very proud of myself for weight training on Saturday.
Progress as of today: 50 lbs lost so far, only 0 lbs to go!
also, you can totally keep maintaining, how could you not!? you've come tooooo far to quit. :) i'm totally with you xoxoxoxo
even though your heart is not in it with your mom, try to enjoy her company as it's limited and you don't get to see her always. <3
that's what i'll be doing tonight, with my dad for dinner. the weather is so bad, he should just drive home but wants to have dinner with me after he gets outta work!
Day 62: Intention: Today, I allow myself to feel sorrow and grief. Mantra: Just get through today.
Well... my son is off. He managed to avoid delays and bad weather, thank goodness. That is how getting up at the butt-crack of dawn is rewarded. It was very foggy when I got up and wet outside. It has just now started to rain again, and this will soon become a snowy mix. I shouldn't have to shovel.
No yoga at the Yoga Studio today. I slept in a little, because I was up all night doing laundry. If it's not one cat losing her bladder control (Baby Kitty aka Sick Kitty), it's the New Kitty, voicing his frustration. Oh well, it's a nice day to stay at home and do laundry.
Poor Baby Kitty is still sick, but at least she is still eating wet food; she will not drink water any more. Not using her box any more as she has little control with her legs. I do hope that she can bounce back, when her medicine gets here on Tuesday. And so help me Jesus if somebody steals the box of meds off the front porch, they will have Kitty's death on their hands.
It's a lot of work and a lot of stress.... and just sadness. Some of the sadness is hormones, I get that. So I'm just going to allow myself to feel everything I need to feel.
I plan to do yoga at home today with New Kitty. Even though he pees on my bed, I do really like him. My daughter, though, told his former owner (her co-worker) that co-worker needs to find a new home for Jack. I hope not. I really do like him a lot.
glad your son got back despite the bad weather which we are having, too. it's not sticking much, yet...
Day 61: Intention: Mantra:
It's almost 10am and I'm the only one up. Our poor kitty with the eye problem was not doing too well this morning. So bad, in fact, that my daughter texted me that she thought the cat would die today. Her eye tumor is caused by a rare fungal infection, and the custom made medicine won't get here until Wednesday or Thursday. However, she is not drinking enough water, and that is dangerous for cats. So I will be tending to her regularly today, to see if I can get her to drink and eat wet food. Hang in there, Kitty!
I plan to spend most of today at home.
Today is the last day with our son. His flight leaves early tomorrow morning, so we have to get him to the airport even earlier. I am hoping that by leaving early, he can avoid the rain/snow mix and high winds that is supposed to affect the Chicago area.
I did pretty well on Thanksgiving and then yesterday - with the sole exception of PIE. Oh my goodness, BOTH pies have got to GO. Anyway, I did pretty well but have not weighed myself, so who really knows.
I have not heard back from the Hard Yoga studio that offers Friday night yoga - regarding a promotional 10% off. Perhaps it is not meant to be. Well, with the holiday and all, perhaps the owner just hasn't gotten back to me yet.
Any yoga I do today will be at home, and I'm not so sure I'll do any today. I feel like I need a reset, a refocus.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Because our homes are an expression of our minds and every corner has to be in order to feel whole.
I hope your kitty feels better, i'm really sorry you and the kitty are having to deal with this upsetting situation!
I'm so glad you were able to spend time with your son! so how is he doing!?
It might be difficult for the yoga studies to return your call so soon due to the holiday? perhaps? also, isn't it great to be able to exercise at home? boy is it easier for me than going out to the gym!!!! for myself i plan to do legs!...i must write what i do in my entry today for a legs routine.
Day 59: Today I honor my blessings. Mantra: Happy Thanksgiving!
I am enjoying a quiet morning. Everyone is still sleeping. I checked on my kids and our poor little sick kitty. Old Kitty has said her good mornings. New Kitty is still in his room, where he stays overnight, so that our house can rest without the possiblity of major cat battles during the night. I had a handful of walnuts and a smaller handful of almonds. I am drinking coffee.
Because my daughter has to work today, we are planning on having a Thanksgiving breakfast brunch. I know there will be yogurt, fresh fruit, and some kind of blueberry French Toast casserole dish.
For dinner, which will be myself, Mr. Donkey, and Son, because nobody here is a big turkey eater, we're having shepherd's pie instead, with spiced baked apples, (possibly Brussel spouts, otherwise green salad), and then 2 types of pie for dessert, apple and pumpkin.
I will do the best that I can do.
I had a very nice Stress Reducing session on Tuesday. Yesterday, Mistakes Girl and I tried "Gentle Yoga", to give it a test run before recommending it to Male Co-Worker. I personally felt that this class is exactly what he needs - easy, gentle, relaxing - to help him with his anxiety. I was a little disappointed though, because usually Danielle teaches the class, and I wanted to meet her and try out her teaching style. She's in Vegas visiting family for the holiday - which kind of stabbed me, because this is what *I* should be doing - so the teacher was the owner, Sarah. I like Sarah, but I did want to meet someone new.
So I didn't get out of it what I wanted.
I've been struggling with return to Vinyasa Yoga (see Donkey's Yoga Disaster 3). Love the challenge, appreciate teacher Jeanne, but I don't know if I'm ready for it... I like the challenge, but is it honoring my body's limitations? I was thinking, because I have hip alignment and lower back issues, perhaps balance poses will never be a possibility for me. Like the Library Yoga teacher, who is also physically limited (weight loss surgery), perhaps this is me, too.
I'm thinking of going back to the first yoga studio (see Donkey's Yoga Disaster 1), because they offer a Friday evening "Let Go" class. That is the only class I would plan to take with them. I received an offer for a 10% discount because I attended that awful free class. I was thinking of getting a 10-class ticket. They are discounted for "newbies" - a one-time deal.
IDK, lately I've been experiencing discouragement in my yoga journey. I suppose even with that which we love, there are difficulties...
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
But do I subject myself to the physical effort and humiliation/frustration in the meantime? I guess there's no improvement without struggling with the process...
hmmm...even though you didn't get out of yoga to meet the teacher, you still did an entire full session of yoga practice :) that to me is the bigger accomplishment and wow! - you brought your coworker!? how cool!
why with weight loss surgery is the teacher limited? do you know? (curious)
for your yoga, realize (perhaps) that to get what you want from it and learn what you like, you're checking out everything to also see what is not for you. it's all know to you, so i guess it's not all roses.
once, i was VERY into hot yoga. for over a year, maybe more like 2 years. with the hot yoga, i didn't like it at first, but it grew on me...
you are just learning what you like and don't like with yoga and it makes sense for you not to like everything but in your exploration, i guess you are going by trial and error!
True, I am still testing the waters. I am much more into Yin Yoga - slower paced, holding positions for 5-10 breaths - than any other kind of yoga. I still want - or think I want - the challenge of a faster paced class. I'll give it a little more time to see if I can improve. If not, then I'm going to focus more on what I CAN do.
The Library Yin Yoga teacher said that she used yoga as her physical exercise component to her weight-loss surgery. She still has quite a bit of excess skin and fat, so she may not be done losing. And I don't know if yoga is the ONLY thing she does - she may do some walking too.
I find for myself that being larger in the legs and having extra flab in my gut interferes with faster yoga. The legs are kind of double-edged: I have amazing strength that I didn't even know, but being larger, some of the positions are not attainable because the muscle gets in the way. And my gut - well I've had that since I was 20, but the extra skin is from having 2 HUGE babies!
Day 57:
The soreness in my neck lasted until the afternoon yesterday, but is no longer bothering me this morning. Yay!
I did not sleep well at all. My husband was up all night with GI and bathroom problems. He did not sleep at all, so at least I'm better off than he is.
I found out yesterday that myself and Nice Lady will be the only ones in the office on Friday (Thursday is American Thanksgiving). Everyone else is taking the day off.
Tonight is Stress Reducing Yoga. If you couldn't tell, I've been very discouraged about yoga lately. Sunday, I was so down in the dumps about it.
It's funny how this one thing (yoga) is bringing up so many unresolved issues that I've been carrying around with me: body image, gender issues, performance issues, aging issues...
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
Will Friday be easier ?
I do not have much to do at work on Friday. I plan to stay until 11am, to be frank. Oh... I just realized that I should try to be home when my daughter is awake right before she goes to work at noon.... Well, I do not think that part will work out.
Day 56:
I finally remembered to weigh in. I had intended to do this over the weekend, but kept forgetting. Still maintaining!
I went to Yin Yoga yesterday. This is a slow class, where we hold seated or lying down poses for longer periods of time. It's a wonderful stretch, but this morning I woke up with a sore neck.
I did a "gentle yoga" session later in the afternoon, at home, using the app on my phone. I was startled when I actually fell over during a position where I was on my hands and knees (with a twist). That was sobering. Losing my balance on my hands and knees???
I see now where my struggle lies. I've pushed this off to the side for a while, moving forward in denial. But one way or another, I WILL have to face the limitations of my body.
I try to do too much. In trying to achieve the position or sequence, I overdo it, to show that I can do it. This means that my practice is ego-driven, and that's not good. (Basically, I'm showing off, to others, perhaps, but mostly to myself. )
My limitations may be due to the body I've been given, they may be due to age. They are difficult to acknowledge, much less to respect.
Progress as of today: 52.5 lbs lost so far, only -2.5 lbs to go!
It's just hard when you want to be able to do something and you find that you cannot.
Isn't it great to maintain!? sometimes i forget how far i've come, but it's simply the best - to put on clothes and they fit and no worries in that dept !!!
well, back to limitations- with more practice, you may probably just improve in your yoga abilities!
It's good to have a dream.
Day 54: Intention: Today I honor my body's abilities.
I think I will skip going to Slow Warm Yoga class today, and just pratice at home. I want to see my daughter before she goes to work, and my hips are still sore.
Low-Key Voice-Over: Recap of Thursday night's new yoga adventure...
(cue LOUD dramatic music)
DONKEY'S YOGA DISASTER 3: ONE HOT MESS
Let me preface this by saying that I was the only student there. There is something to be said to being in a larger group of people, even if I'm the only one there floundering like a walrus. When you're in a group, you can kind of hide. You can look at other students (who know what they are doing) to see what you should be doing. Being the only one there kind of puts all of my flaws and errors right out there in the open.
So, I walk into New Yoga Studio, and I am greated warmly by instructor Jeanne (Jean), who is 66 and has had a double hip replacement. She is not familiar with me, so she asks me what my yoga background is. I tell her about my Yoga Disaster in September, when I took that free class (and paid dearly for it, physically and with humility). Jeanne asks me who taught that class. I say, "Marianne". She says, "Oh, Marianne is one of the hardest yoga instructors in the area. She was MY teacher."
She then goes on to say: "I'll modify my program tonight so I don't work you too hard. " Um... "This class is normally taught at a 2+ level, so I'll bring it down to a 2, maybe a little under." Uh... I must have misread the class description that said all levels welcome. I just checked and it says, "This is a faster-pace all levels class." That would be a big NO -- fast means more advanced, I don't care what they say. All levels may be welcome, but the newbies like me are gonna end up being big sweat balls by the end of the class.
One of the positives of her class is that she DOES correct form, so she made some verbal cues and actually helped me physically adjust some of my poses so that I get the true benefit of the position. THAT was MUCH appreciated. I know that yoga is all about honoring your body and doing what your body can do (and respecting what it cannot do), but it's important to me to know the proper form, and then THAT can be modified.
Although it's not the fastest yoga class - remember, she said she'd tone it down - I was struggling to keep up, and by that I mean, literally huffing and puffing. I found that positions that I can do when I just do them, say like when brushing my teeth or standing in front of the TV, I cannot do when motion is involved - as in, part of a movement sequence. Also, my extra cushion-y mat is counterproductive to achieving balance on one leg/foot. A harder, firmer surface is better. Whatever this class may have been, it was DEFINITELY a learning experience for me, and that's another huge positive for me in my journey.
So I'm struggling - yes, really struggling - to keep up with the sequence, follow her cues, execute proper form. This isn't Hot Yoga, but I'm starting to sweat. I thought I was doing OK though, until at one point, she says, "Do you want water? (doesn't wait for me to answer) I'm going to get you a bottle of water, because I don't want you to pass out on the floor!" LOL! I figured that I must truly look a hot mess to prompt her concern. Oh dear... oh dear Donkey...
EPILOGUE: I really did like this class, and I REALLY appreciated all of the insight and the perspective from the teacher. I do want to do this class again - after all, everyone has a Beginning. However, the soreness in my hip joints yesterday and today have me wondering if I'm ready for this, if I'll EVER be ready for this. (I'll explain)
See, after class, Jeanne says to me, "In my own personal yoga practice, I only do the slower paced Yin Yoga because of my own limitations." WHAT???? That's like me coaching you to do a milllion sit-ups while I sit on my butt.
So I don't know. This is the class and venue (small & private) I've been looking for to advance my yoga practice. But I do not know if my body is up for this advancement. Next week is Thanksgiving, so no class, thankfully (no pun intended). I would like to try this again, and if I can keep up, incorporate it as a regular class that I attend, if my body will permit it. See, I don't know if I'm sore just as it was a different workout, or if I'm sore because my body can't handle it.
It would be interesting to see what I think and how I feel if there are others in attendance. Believe me when I say that when there are others in the class, it changes the whole dynamic and experience (for me, personally). Additionally, at New Yoga Studio, it's only been women. I realized about a month ago that if/when there are men in any given yoga class (i.e. Cat Yoga), it definitely changes the experience for me, and not necessarily in a positive way. I've looked online at other yoga studios, and when realizing they had male instructors I was like, "Not ready for that." So what's that all about?
DRAMATIC VOICE-OVER: Stay tuned for upcoming previews of Donkey's Yoga Disaster 4... (lol)
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
I want to write more about this. You've really made me think.
then, after all, you were going for the Yin Yoga too. you said it yourself, you like the slower yoga. so i do i DO think you are ready for it - you are just trying all the types and finding what you like.
go you, a private less. I DO hope your soreness subsides and i DO think it will.
at least you got your money / time's worth with this private lesson.
that's prob why they advertise it...to build up the practice.
if you struggle, you will not be the only one struggling. it's not like you don't exercise at all! so, i am quite sure there would be others in the same predicament as you if they had gone there!
i have had a private lesson in pilates once. she pushed me very hard bc it was a private lesson and i was sore for a few days from that...made me never want to do it again lol. but bc it's so expensive and i myself am not interested in going anywhere except my home for exercise right now, i pilates is not on my mind either. (plus i would never stick to something that needs such a lot of outside heavy equipment like that ...not now anyways.)
I will also (try to) respect my body's limitations. THIS is what I'm really struggling with, I realize.
Day 53: Intention: Today I will remain focused in a quiet calmness. Mantra: Let it roll.
The boss is back at work today - a day early - so that will change the office dynamics for sure. He popped in yesterday afternoon. I tried to seem interested in his trip to Italy, which I am and was, but after Chair Yoga, I was kind of tired, and he wanted to get stuff done, too. I'm sure there will be more chatter about it today.
In a way, this is a good thing that he's back early, because there are 3 files that need immediate attention and frankly, Associate Attorney just didn't manage his time wisely enough to get it done. So at least my boss can determine if he wants to address these 3 files today OR let Associate Attorney finish it up this afternoon. That is to say, at least **I** am not the one making that determination - either way is fine by me, because I'm letting it roll.
I keep choosing this mantra because there is a song by the old band Wings (Paul McCartney after the Beatles) called "Let It Roll", so I sing this to myself throughout the day, and it helps keep me focused on just letting things go... I thought about changing the mantra to "Roll With It" but the music cue helps me more, I think. And I love that song.
Library Chair Yoga was good - challenging in some respects. At one point, the teacher had us standing for a few poses - some of them requiring balancing on one foot, which I thought was VERY challenging for chair yoga. Anyway, we're standing up and all I could think about is how much I wanted to sit down. I think I'm battling off getting sick, because yet another co-worker (Mortgage Guy) is sick. We're all taking turns getting sick, and so far, I've been pretty lucky. So maybe that's why I was feeling "tired"???
So, I was rather surprised at myself for wanting to sit down so badly because normally, at work, that's all I do is sit, and I'm eager to get up and walk around. (Fitbit reminds me to do this every hour.) I'm not sure where that feeling of fatigue was coming from...
My husband commented to me that out of all 3 chair yogas that we do, the library one is his least favorite. It's more exercise - focusing on posture and body dynamics (e.g. how to get up off a chair correctly) - rather than focusing on the principles of yoga (breathing, dissolving into the stretches, etc. - NOT in a religious aspect at all). But I think that's why I like this teacher (Allison); it's DIFFERENT. She's about 15 years older than I am. I want to be like her when I grow up. Not that I disagree with my husband, but just saying that it's good to have a different perspective.
Misc. Random Thoughts:
it's good your boss is being efficient and coming into the office to see how everything's going...
i like your mantra and def the extra song association. very creative of you and GREAT to sing to yourself the lyrics! how constructive and motivating is that!?
whenever i'm about to get sick, i recognize the "tired" feeling also - when my body just wants to sleep and sleep. right now my dad has a sore throat which i hope he'll get over soon. i think he got run down a little bit.
all your yoga plans are thoughtful of course...perhaps the yin yoga would be cool to try. can you just go one time to see if you like it?
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It's such a busy time of year....and life in general is in such a turmoil....it affects us...all of us.....and probably the best thing we can do is try to just keep calm...and think about how really so few things in life will matter a year from now...deal with things as they come up...and deal with ourselves in a way we would deal with a dear friend. Try to treat yourself kindly and be you...you deserve to treat yourself kindly. I'm so happy that kitty was able to get her meds....and glad that she is eating and drinking....sounds positive for her.
Very wise and helpful insights - thank you!!
Maria7 on 12/05/2019:
I agree with BC...Just keep calm...If we can do that and don't be hard on ourselves, we have won half the battle. That is nice that you and Mistakes Girl are showing your support to your fellow colleague, regardless. Everybody needs to know they have friends...we all do...that is one reason why I LOVE DD...You all are my friends here and you are each one very dear to me. Have a good day, chill out, and RELAX. Love, Maria
I'm very glad that I went to support the attorney. Had I not, I think I would have regretted it.
legcramps on 12/05/2019:
glad to hear kitty is feeling better, even though she is still weak; hopefully soon she will be back on track
Thank you... I hope so too. She's trying, I know she is. And I keep telling her to hang in the and fight this.
Horn_Of_Plenty on 12/05/2019:
I'm reading a book....we are driven of course as you know towards what we are used to, towards habit.
HOWEVER, if we want change or if we want anything else, we must get UNCOMFORTABLE. you want some change, you want new things in your life...that is the uncomfortable part.
the more you can get uncomfortable, the more chances you'll have also at change and for good things to come out of what you are learning.
not everything may be good right now, but you are learning from all of your experiences. so, although sometimes everything feels wrong and you get upset over it, there's things to learn and grow from these points of feeling uncomfortable and it's during this time that you learn...even yoga too!
I'm telling you, we're psychically connected. I'm reading a book about what happens mentally during yoga. He writes that saying yes welcomes opportunity and opens doors. I kept this and what you wrote about your book in mind as I worked myself up to going to class.
It worked!
happy-1 on 12/08/2019:
"I was driving to work the other day, feeling like my life is a mess: not keeping track of finances, off track on diet, off track on yoga, just feeling a mess."
I think that's the point of meditation and prayer rituals... Like going to sit in your meditation spot... Putting on an essential oil... Opening the space by lighting a candle... Saying some specific intention... Chilling and doing the meditation, then closing the space... Snuffing the candle... etc. It's about putting your mind back in order so you can do the next thing. Staying calm in the midst of chaos is power. I read this off of pinterest the other day and found it soothing:
https://afamuche.com/80-rules-to-kick-ass-in-life/
"First, Things To Remember During Moments Of Inner Turbulence And Tough Emotion; Do not hide from what you are feeling: This current discomfort is not permanent. Rest is an important way to calm the mind. The struggle can be a space of deep growth."