Day 52: Intention: Today I devote to focusing on my own well-being. Mantra: Take care of yourself.
I am repeating my intention and mantra today in order to re-enforce my efforts to rebalance myself. My weekend was whack, but yesterday (Monday) was better. I put forth more mental energy into remaining calm, staying on task, getting back my sense of balance and well-being. I do not see this as selfish but rather necessary, as I cannot take care of others or deal with others with kindness and patience if I myself am all over the place. So please do understand that my thought/focus is not a selfish endeavor but as charitable as I can be. After all, nobody wants to work with a crabby or deal with a mom/spouse who is unpleasant.
I am trying to remain serene and positive, but last night, when I was in bed, I realized that someone had decided to pee on the bed. Oh my word... And at 9pm and very tired already, I was not going to be able to stay up for another 2 hours to clean and dry the bedding. So I just flipped everything over, so that the top of the blankets,etc. - where the odor was eminating from - to the bottom of the bed. Right now, I've got my weighted blanket washed and air drying, and the comforter is in the washing machine. The sheets and pillowcases - not affected but need to be washed anyway - and probably a good idea to do that, just in case - will have to be done by my husband or daughter, I guess.
Stress Reduction Yoga is canceled for tonight because the instructor is out of town. For where I'm at today, that's just fine. I miss yoga, I need yoga, but I'm also OK with being home on Tuesday night. My daughter has Sunday, Monday, Tuesday off - that is the only time I get to see her, and that's if she's not out with friends, or I'm out at work or sleeping. If she decides to keep this schedule, I may not sign up for the next Tuesday night yoga series.
Next week my son comes home for Thanksgiving leave!
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
Day 51: Intention: today I devote to my health and well-being. Mantra: Take care of yourself.
Looking back over the weekend, finding or feeling a balance was definitely a struggle.
I could not get myself to do yoga at home. This is a mental block that I have to work through. My practice is suffering, and I can feel this suffering my well-being, mentally and physically. This weekend was evident of this.
I struggled all weekend with eating. Sunday was peanut butter (again) and cheese. Not feeling 100% because I wasn't eating 100%. Also, not resting enough. Just overall not taking care of myself.
On the plus side, I found 2 TV shows to watch while exercising in the evenings. For bike riding in the basement, The Crown seems like it will fit the bill. For using the treadmill in the living room, Superstore will work quite well.
I relate so well to Superstore. It's like The Office for retail workplaces. I've never worked retail, but since daughter fights and shares her stories, the show really hits well.
It's nice to have something to look forward to at the end of the day. I'm not so sure that it should be TV shows that are my only glimmer of hope, but for now, I'll take it.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
sorry about the eating. we spoke a bit about eating in my therapy group. some people struggling more than i ever had, but they are young and i think will be better someday - just like me and you have seriously learned tons about managing our eating, we def have!
Day 50:
Today I am going to try the Downward Dog yoga app on my phone, because I didn't make it to Yin Yoga at the New Yoga studio this morning. I need to return to my yoga practice, although this week, Mr. Donkey and I have Chair Yoga on Wednesday, and then I'm going to try a new yoga class (vinyasa) at the New Yoga studio.
I also want to return books to the library this afternoon. I'm torn as to whether I should go to the store to get yogurt and creamer for my workweek breakfasts/coffees. Nice to get it out of the way and be all set, but I tell ya a trip to Walmart can test one's hopes for humanity. Just sayin'... I could save this for a lunchtime trip on Monday, too, so there are options.
Volunteering at the legal clinic was interesting, and although I didn't have much to do, because the new people were being introduced and trained, I still found some joy in it. The main thing was that the other established co-volunteer has been feeling the same way as me. EXACTLY the same way - and we didn't even know this of each other!
She needs a volunteer activity in order to maintain her ministry certification with her chruch, and while I don't need to volunteer for anything mandatory, volunteering is something that I feel I need to do as a good citizen (for myself). So if it's not the legal clinic, I would have to find something else, which I'm OK with doing. Long story short, I told my co-volunteer that with prayer and thought, I've decided to ride these changes out, to see where they go. The changes may or may not be permanent, and I value my friendship with Co-Volunteer and Leader Lady (also a volunteer, but she's our leader) that I'm willing to ride this wave, at least for now.
So while I realize that legal clinic has become more of a "sixth workday", I'm not quite at the point where I'm ready to leave. Plus, I really like the new people! So why not partake in this opportunity to become friends with these people too?
Went out to dinner last night with my husband. I did alright, except that he couldn't finish his dessert, so I helped him out with that. With all the talk about salmon, I had a beautiful salad with broiled salmon on top. Overall, it was very nice, but kind of expensive.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
Also I love fried food but being keto or low carb, trying to avoid breading.
If I should leave my job and find employment outside of the legal field, this would be even more appreciated.
thanks for your comments regarding that i'm never alone, i appreciate it!
That's a wonderful idea to get a yoga app for when you do not have time to go to yoga. For busy working people, it really seems (to me) that the only way to really get things done is to have something at home to help you for the times i'd rather not head out...ever since changing from driving to work to taking public transport, i have totally ended my gym membership as you know. it was too much for me to come home only to leave again (and a waste of time during the week) to get to the gym! So your app for yoga must be very helpful to you. i think it's great. let us know!
.....let me send this before it gets deleted!...
Day 49: today I choose to focus on things that bring me joy.
Posting on my phone, which I hate doing, but seeing as I have legal clinic this morning, this is probably the only time I'll have to post until later today, if even...
I love volunteering at this legal aid clinic, but even though it's only once a month, lately I've been feeling like it's more of a burden than a blessing. It may be time to move on soon. I'm just tired.
It's odd that I feel this way, since it was a short work week for me. Why am I feeling so dragged out and stressed after a vacation? Not sure what this is about.
Slipped up a bit last night after dinner. I think I was craving sugar... Diverted myself with other activities, but ended up indulging in some peanut butter.... and then some whipped heavy cream (out of the can - real cream, though, not that yucky Cool Whip).
Felt somewhat satisfied after that, not stuffed, not disgusted. But my tongue feels a little funny today.
Baby Kitty is ok, and the vet bill was manageable. She's had some trauma to her eye, whether from a fight or if she scratched herself. She got a shot, and then we have to put ointment in her eye twice a day. She will be ok, but we may not survive having to get this stuff in her tiny eye.
To reduce the overall cat stress in our house, we've gone back to keeping New Kitty segregated in his own room. Kind of sad because he's so friendly to us.
I'm finding myself floating away from my yoga practice. Can't go this morning, obviously because of legal clinic, and kind of grateful that I don't have to make that decision. There's yoga tomorrow morning, but not sure I want to take that class, with the owner.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
I've done some praying over this and have come to a slightly altered conclusion on my next step. I will discuss this in my entry today, but I feel that your support has helped me arrive at the point where I'm at.
Sometimes that dragging feeling (as in my case) can be a sign of anxiety or depression. try to be on top of yourself and push yourself to feel better. if not, then maybe it is time to drop things that aren't giving you any happiness.
I do think it's wonderful you volunteer and i do think it gives you extra experience outside of your day job.
Keep us up to date with your yoga explorations. I hope i get to try chair yoga at some point, at this group therapy program i am attending. i think i have just over a week left of it.
Some day, I shall expound on my thoughts on Miracle Whip versus mayonnaise.
But finally, i caught up and have responded and commented on all DDer journals! woohoo!
Anyways, i appreciate your comments and they have helped me greatly, so thank you!
One thing this yoga journey has taught me - or shown me - is that I am not alone in how I feel. And I assure you, that whatever you may be feeling at any given time - negative and positive, too, - you are not alone. Ever.
Day 48: Intention: Letting things roll off my back. Mantra: Just trying to be a blessing.
I thought I'd have enough time to finish my entry on my laptop, but sadly time is slipping away.
Today's Challenges:
I really wanted to go to yoga last night, but talked myself out of it. Next week, the teacher for the Stress Reduction Yoga series is out of town, so no yoga on Tuesday. I thought that next week Thursday, then, would be a good time to try this new yoga class (& teacher). I have a 10-class pass and felt that this would be a better use of it.
Trying to be a blessing, just trying to be a blessing.... and not eat my weight in food.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
although there is some stress, your journal entry still sounds healthy and good. you sound good especially with your mantra and countdowns. Up to how many days will you do it for, i'm thinking it was until the end of the year, 100 days total for you?
with questions for the family and the fact they are sleeping, could you leave them handwritten notes on like post it's at the kitchen table that they see and then they can text you?
or of course, you could also text them ?
i like the handwritten notes idea if you had time...
Day 47:
Logging in from my phone which I hate doing, but I refuse to use my work computer, and I just ran out of time this morning. It was either DD or shovel.
Cat knocked over my breakfast yogurt onto the floor, and the keto lunch I had planned to take has been ruined by dinnertime who added rice to it.
So not the best way to start my day.
I'm not sure I will continue my 100 day countdown to self enrichment. I can't seem to prevent life from imploding my well-being or serenity.
Might try to go to yoga tonight. It would be a new class, new teacher that I haven't tried before.
Just something to get me out of this little funk I'm in today.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
For where I'm at, I must be intentional with being positive - or if not positive, at least not crabby or negative or down.
I find myself being pulled down, meaning I've lost my focus on being intentionally positive in thinking. That is to say, I find myself switching back to "glass half empty" thinking.
It's a work in progress. Ok I won't give up yet.
Day 45:
Came back from an interesting little vacation with my daughter. It was so very cold to go hiking, but we dressed appropriately. I did not feel much cold at all. My daughter did not dress as well as I, but did pretty well, and only felt a little cold towards the end. It was lovely to be near the lake and in nature, walking. Spent time in the hot tub each night, and I swam in the pool the last night. Aside from the outdoors and the pool area, we hung out watching ridiculous "realty" shows on TV (90 Day Fiance, Say Yes to the Dress - OK, that's not ridiculous) and cartoons (Family Guy).
Tried to stay low carb as best as I could, but the cold weather just brings out the carb cravings. I did my best, and that's all I can do.
Tonight is Stress Reducing Yoga. Looking forward to that, I guess, but not looking forward to going out in the cold and dark. And I mean COLD. "Feels like 2F" - that's cold. I've officially switched to my long winter coat, which can withstand temperatures of -40F.
Mistakes Girl took over my desk because Nice Lady said she wasn't going to do it any more, because she makes mistakes and then gets in trouble. Well, yes, Nice Lady. The last time you worked at my desk, I was paying for one mistake you made for about a week. And while you complained to my boss, believe me sweetie, he already knew about it because I complained to him about you too.
Just gonna let it roll off my back. >>> I think that's going to be my mantra for the rest of the year. AMEN.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
Enjoy yoga x
Day 42:
I picked the best time to go on a long weekend away from work, because Mistakes Girl is getting sick, and I do not need to be around that. My husband's medicine lowers his immune system, so he's very vulnerable to getting sick. When he gets a cold, he'll have it for weeks on end. So it's very important that I do not get sick or bring home sickness to him.
On the other hand, I picked the worst time to go on a long weekend away from work, because that file with the awful agent who was so rude to me is closing on Wednesday, so I won't be able to prepare the file for closing. Oh well.... maybe that's just as well.
Yoga classes were canceled this morning at the New Yoga Studio, which is a little disappointing, but in a major way, probably better for me, because I didn't have to feel conflicted about going or not. I may try to go to the Yin Yoga class taught by the owner, tomorrow morning, but I'm not sure I like her teaching style much.
Also, I downloaded the Downward Dog app on my phone, and set up the settings, so that I can practice at home. I might give that a go today. There is a 30-day series on YouTube (Yoga with Adrienne) that sounds tempting, but more so because it's a 30-day challenge, more than the yoga itself. Adrienne is a non-annoying YouTube Yoga teacher. So there's home options.
I hope to update this entry later today...
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
Day 41: I celebrate my own gratitude today.
Posting on my phone, which I hate doing, but time has been so tight this week that it seems this is the only time I have to post, since I insist on NOT using my work computer to write. Too bad, too, as it's kind of slow at work and I would have time to post at work...
I'm so grateful that work has slowed down. I mean, it's good to be busy, and it's good for business to be busy, but the boss doesn't seem to care about working any more. IDK, if he is pulling back, is it MY responsibility to pick up the slack? I don't think so, but maybe I'm misguided in this opinion.
Last night was Cat Yoga. My husband said that Daughter seemed kind of disappointed that she couldn't go, because now she's on 2nd shift. But to be honest here, it was I who was a little disappointed with the class. I love the instructor and her method and routines, but it felt like something gratifying or satisfying was just missing...
If she taught classes at a studio, I would seriously consider following her, but I didn't have the opportunity to ask her after class.... and I thought that my question might seem rude towards the cat shelter, since this is a regular fundraiser for them.
Mistakes Girl was kind enough to observe that I have a 4 day weekend (from work), since daughter and I are going to Wisconsin for Monday and Tuesday. Somehow though, to me, it feels like I only have Saturday off, because the vacation feels like a lot of work, even though we're just relaxing and hiking.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
My boss LOVES vacations. That's how he recharges his mental battery - and this just drives me nuts. I feel like a failure every Monday when he says, So what did you do this weekend?
Um... most weekends, I find rejuvenation in small, mundane tasks: laundry, library, yardwork, outdoor walking, knitting, etc.
Day 39:
Work on Monday was not too bad. I went in with my guard up, so it may have come across as being grumpy. I talked about the incident with the rude agent with Mistakes Girl (on Monday) and then Male Co-Worker again yesterday. I feel better about it.
The boss has left for a long vacation in Italy, and I'm so glad he's gone. I'm finding him difficult to work with lately, mostly because he's pulling back, without really admitting or telling anyone that he's pulling back. So it comes across more like being lazy or reckless.
Associate Attorney is not doing anything to step up and take charge.
Last night was the beginning of a new yoga series at the New Yoga Studio. This is called Stress Reduction Yoga. I had mixed feelings about the overall experience:
I walk into the studio, and there are a million little girls for a Girl Scout outing - all chatting, moving, wiggling, etc. Oh my, how adorable! I remember those days fondly! I went into a corner, to warm up and watch the friendly chaos. Even though the noise and everything was a bit overwhelming - definitely not stress-reducing to walk into - I loved the energy.
After the Girl Scout Troop left, there were 2 other women who were there for the series. So now I have company! The Self Love Yoga series was just me. So it was Jenna, who knows of the teachers from a different yoga studio in another town (I guess they all defected and opened their own studio in my town!) and her mom, Linda. The mom says to me, "I'm so stressed out at work - I think this will help!"
Again, someone who is completely stressed out. I think there are a lot of us out there. I can't tell you how tempted I was to ask her if she worked in a law firm or real estate office.
The class was slow, held positions, and focused on releasing tension in the lower body. I felt good, but I think I was in the mood for something else. Or maybe it was not being alone in the class. Or maybe just recovering from the Girl Scouts. Not sure... I think it's the first reason. But I'm still glad that I signed up.
Cat yoga on Thursday!
I received 2 lovely complements yesterday that just made my day:
These just made my day!
FOOD: Believe me when I say that on Sunday, I had every intention of returning to keto, watching portions, eating better. I noticed after dinner last night that I was not very mindful of that for the entire Tuesday. Still eating way too much. It's the weather, I'm sure.
Progress as of today: 54 lbs lost so far, only -4 lbs to go!
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You know, even if repeating your intention and mantra WAS for selfish reasons, that would be ok too :)
Glad to hear you will be seeing your son soon!
Horn_of_plenty on 11/19/2019:
wooohoooo!!! i cannot wait for your son to be home either!
sorry your yoga anticipations have all been cancelled / not completed. when this happens to me, i start to CRAVE the thing i haven't done! do you feel this way now? are you craving yoga?
i do think it's totally ok to take care of yourself. we discussed this a little too at my therapy today too.
I'm not so sure that I'm feeling the craving FOR yoga. What I'm feeling is the absence, but not quite feeling the urge. I believe this is because my practice is not strongly established. So it's like, I know something is missing, and logically, I know what's missing, but emotionally, I'm not making the connection yet.