So I realized that by the end of the week -- end of tomorrow, actually -- all of my recent worries will be resolved:
Making tomorrow morning very difficult to get up and face the day.
My dear daughter's birthday is Thursday, but we are celebrating Friday. So I think I will try to weigh-in Friday morning - if I can remember - because dinner is sure to be salty. I will do my best.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
All of my recent stressors will be resolved by week's end.
I thought I'd come back from the bridal shower all b****y, wanting to kick some workout butt and WOW everyone with arm muscles and shapely legs at the wedding in 6 weeks.
Instead, I left feeling sad that we're all getting older, regretting some of the choices I've made in my life that would have made things easier or better now. Just sad.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
I saw a girl at the gym yesterday. She had the most negative sad face on. It never changed. I saw her arrive and saw her again later. I almost wanted to ask her what was wrong. But i didn't because she didn't look approachable..
It is up to you how you choose to represent / present yourself. Seeing her at the gym reminded me that I SHOULD put a smile on my face. I should attempt to look my best (lol, i totally don't on this end clothing wise and based on what i wear, no way...).
but, what i'm saying is, you are saying you are sad about things that you cannot even change, literally: you are feeling sad you are getting older. you are regretting PAST choices. This is not healthy bc you CAN'T change those things.
You can ONLY change the now and the future.
So, try to continue with the things that DO make you happy now. Those things do include exercise and you DO want to change your appearance you've said a little bit...the nails, the clothes. This is good and you are on a good path.
Your mind i think is looking to the past as a habit as what you've always done. Try to see yourself at the preset. At the present, you are successful! You look beautiful! You are improving your fitness! Keep this.
Perhaps you do not love social gatherings? For me, they are stressors more than not...perhaps (i may be wrong here) you were stressed by the gathering, people getting older - made you think of the past - and perhaps that started your self reflection on the past in general.
But that is NOT you now!
You DO look good now.
You are kicking the workout butt ...
Maintenance is another beast, yup!
Being negative is a hard habit to break. I've actually let it seep in a little bit into my workouts - by thinking i cannot get better or that the possible has certainly become impossible.
Try to lift yourself up a bit by remembering the success you DO have now.
You have to give yourself credit for your success not only think of your failures!
Ok...you cannot change things completely in 6 weeks. and you do look good now...
you are already at maintenance...pretty much same for me.
I think the wedding is a good goal, but perhaps instead of only a weight focus, also focus on your happiness and plan things to do to make yourself feel better...like other rewards.
i'll have to give this more thought later. i'm in a similar boat as you.
but i guess happiness is all of life..not just weight and workout goals.
i think you have to try to get out of a rut by doing something different :) but also balancing that with some time to relax (for me, i need this).
perhaps by planning your next day off from work.
Argh I forgot to weigh in again today! I realized it after I was mid-way into my workout, already having had a fully cup of coffee and halfway through my 24 ounce water bottle (3 cups, 750 mL), so no weigh-in this week. I'm OK with that.
Yesterday.... I finally took a step forward and bought some pants for work that actually fit me. Before yesterday, I have the sport-knit jersey pants with elastic waist from Lands End that are now way too baggy. My co-workers have commented several times --- especially the Queen Bee who feels that she needs to voice her opinion about everything -- that my clothes don't fit any more.
So I dragged my dear daughter to Goodwill to help me discern if the pants I chose actually fit or not. I truly cannot be objective about this any more, especially in fitting rooms where the mirrors and lights play tricks on my perception. She was sort of laughing at me because she could see that my judgment is impaired when it comes to clothing on myself.
I am short, so petite sizes are best length-wise, but I am not small, so I have wide hips and thick thighs. Petite clothing is cut for a short AND smaller frame. I think I need to start a line of sizes called "Petite Plus" for us solid shorties. Also, because my pelvis is misaligned, I cannot wear anything that isn't flexible, so like the stiff waists that you find in jeans are totally out, because the constriction causes the misalignment to affect my back.
I pulled 5 pairs of "stretch" petite 8's, 2 black, 2 grey, and 1 beige (for warmer weather). I THINK they all fit -- so hard to tell because they are form fitting around the thighs and seat, but I think that's how work slacks are supposed to be. HOWEVER, I just could not bring myself to buy the beige pants... Too revealing, I think. I have completely mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I'm proud that I did not spend money on something that would most likely sit in my closet unworn. On the other hand, I feel like I lost a little of the battle of body-image. IDK -- my daughter said, There will always be a pair of beige pants you can buy at a later date. Honestly, I know she just wanted to get out of there, but she's so right. I raised a smart, wise girl.
And the whole time, I'm thinking of Queen Bee at work making comments -- and she always talks SO LOUD: "OH ARE THOSE NEW PANTS?" "WOW WEARING PANTS THAT FIT!" etc., etc. I mean, how do I answer that? What am I supposed to say to that?
Anyway... on to today. I am leaving soon to attend a bridal shower for my husband's niece, so another food challenge. I had a volunteer appreciation breakfast yesterday, which I think I did pretty well at, choosing protein and fresh fruit, stayed away from pastries - but I've been there before, so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect and planned appropriately. I'm compeltely out of my element with this party though. I won't know many people, and those that I do know, I don't like and they don't like me. I'm rather fascinated by my niece. While she is beautiful, she is quite overweight. And yet, the extra weight didn't impare her from finding a nice, handsome man to marry. I will write more when I return from the party, as I have several thoughts about how this will relate to food, goals, exercise, and overall mental well-being.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
That's so true about bodies changing over the years. The young couple is very lucky to have found each other -- they both seem so nice.
As for the queen bee, she reminds me a little of my sister's husband. He's a big man, literally he's prob around 6'2" and a decent build muscularly. he just has a big ego and thinks he does no wrong. he'll say things to people and not really care what effect he has on them or their feelings. he can act like a little kid and somehow people take him like a man. it doesn't really matter what he says or does - people listen.
Well, regarding him, he recently pissed me off (well he always does) but this week i was thinking a bit too much how i'm not friends with my sister's husband on facebook! and when i go to take pictures of the family sometimes just to have because we do not take photos together too often, he says "don't take any of me." and i have to listen of course! but i do not like mostly that he will not consider being my friend on facebook. i think i was friended him, i am not sure, and he didn't accept! for a long time, i was so annoyed i blocked him. he's friends with other people...but me - i just have to be the one not on his list and i'm the sister of his wife. Ricky told me to just turn my head to it. but my coworker, who i shouldn't speak to but of course i do (he's 70 and retiring and it's only us working together in a small room)...well i told my coworker who said it's this simple: your brother in law just doesn't like you! so my brother in law, by not wanting photos taken by me or posted by me and not wanting to be my friend on facebook - means he doesn't like me which made sense once my coworker put it that way....
what i'm saying is, i let the stupid things get to me. and shouldn't have. next time he tells me not to take photos..or of him, what i should do is act like a big guy myself and say - "i'll take photos when i want to."
he tried to actually get me in trouble at a dinner recently one week ago. when i was taking extra veggies that my mom didn't want me to take, when parents weren't looking - he called me out on it! he tried to get my parents to actually notice and get annoyed! i couldn't believe it! I should have said quietly to him later, "I can eat what i want when i come here, whether you like it or not, Peter..."
so, with your pants and the coworker....
i'm not saying pick a fight, oh no...and i'm not saying to be rude to her.
if she comments...just say, i'm glad you noticed i bought new pants. ??????
or i guess you can say...you've gotta say something that shows you just don't care what she thinks or feels about what you do.
you can't let her see or know that what she says bothers you. and it should also try to put her in her place...but i doubt it will bc people like her don't get phased...
I'd just say something like, yes, nice you noticed! and just go back to work. just end it. like, a short reply a smile and just move on....
don't worry so much.
some people are just J*erks.
PS I'm sorry about your BIL... I would just ignore what he says and do what you want when you are with your family. If it helps, my BIL completely ignores me. Not one word in over 10 years.
some people are so nasty. no care in the world. it's like they think they are gods.
but those people, they don't seem honest to me. I think they are the fake ones.
remember that a lot of people don't realize their affects they have on your feelings.
Actually, one thing I do appreciate about her is that what she usually says IS true. It's just not always kind, and most of the time it's hurtful on some level. So I know though that if I ever need the truth about something, she is the person to go to. Maybe I should have taken HER pants shopping with me - HA HA HA! ;-)
Kohl's has a line of petite plus wear, but why waste money on retail?
You should look for pictures of what you want to look like and make a vision board. Then whatever you see out there you will gravitate to and have a goal for and not be stressed by human pigeons.
I FORGOT TO WEIGH IN TODAY --- I think this is a good thing, too. I mean, I really wanted to know what my number was, but I love that the numbers, the ritual, isn't so enmeshed in my brain that it's compulsatory.
As I was getting dressed, though, I could hardly put on my wedding band. Decided to take off the rings, and couldn't get them off without soap and water. So only wearing the engagement ring with the thin band. Ah, so maybe weighing in today wouldn't have been a good idea, anyway.
I'm kind of in dangerous territory today, because I don't have anything that I MUST do. I'm fighting the compulsion to see if I've gotten in my 250+ steps every hour -- NOPE, not gonna do it, not gonna sync the FitBit until the end of the day. Yesterday, even though my stepcount was lower (but still over goal), I managed to reach the 250+ steps every hour for 12 hours.
My daughter says now I have to start bulking up, by eating more, lifting weights, and doing squats. Lower body exercises are a hard one for me because of my back/hip/knee/feet issues, but also because I tend to bulk up instead of slim down in the legs.
And then, if I gain weight because of the extra muscle, that's not very positive or morale boosting either.
EVENING EDIT: I didn't throw away any of the remaining pastries at work because I was not the last one to leave the office -- at 6pm! -- and didn't want to be blamed for anything.
The co-worker that I bought the air fresheners for seems very thankful for my gift, LOL! I think she's being sincere, but she was so pleased with the one scent that she was telling everyone what I had did. (Now I'm wondering if she was being sarcastic, but that would be mean, and she is a very nice person.... so hopefully not.) I'm looking forward to her trying out the other scents when she gets to them, personally speaking.
I did buy a nail buffer yesterday and a nice nail strengthener polish (clear). I'm not impressed with the buffer, because its shape makes it hard to use. Also, it seems like I'll go through the buffer's usefulness quickly, but it did do the job. My nails are almost all the same length. I'm not sure if I will apply a color or not.
Too bad my fingers are too swollen to wear my rings, though -- oh the irony!
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
I love it on days when I wake up early on my own and can get my butt out of bed without debating for 45 minutes on whether or not I have the strength to face another day...
I'm in a funk. I don't know if it's hormonal, or seasonal/weather related, or the stress with my son, or what... We're supposed to have warmer weather at the end of next week, and by then, we'll know our son's fate, so that will just leave hormonal, which also might work itself out by the end of next week. So I think I can hang in there for one more week :-) Otherwise, once my card for new crappy health insurance comes in, I'll make an appointment to see a doctor.
Yesterday afternoon, I was getting really frustrated with my co-workers. I was sitting with the gal who makes a million mistakes on each file, to watch how she orders title. I don't think she knows how to type, because she's constantly making a bunch of mistakes and going back to correct what she's typed out. Considering how many mistakes when she's entering in data, it's amazing the number of errors that she DOES catch and correct. But that's why there's a million mistakes on each file --- everything she types has errors that she has to go back and correct. What a waste of time... But she speaks Spanish, and that's why we hired her, so oh well. Not my place, so let it go...
Anyway, that's not why I was frustrated. I was frustrated because this gal's desk is by all the snacks, and I swear, what's not gone today is getting tossed. Seriously. Nobody at work needs this ****, and I'm sick of seeing it every time I go by the fax/scanner, which is a million times a day -- helps me get in my FitBit steps, but it's counterproductive to keep walking by all the pastries to do so.
At least it's Friday. I'm going to reward my successful bid at no nail biting by purchasing a nail buffer this weekend and maybe a bottle of clear coat nail polish.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
Oh, nail buffer is the best to give them the shine. My male fried just bought one, his nails looked GREAT when i saw them.
It's difficult to always stay motivated - i have that same wavering pattern as you. But, you will have to keep motivation to keep the weight down - same as me right now - and not cave into everyone's temptations...Ricky last night was angry i didn't order a whole heavy meal from Applebee's and in the end i luckily ordered what i wanted but did end up trying a few bites of his appetizers. Luckily not too much damage. no regrets. It's good i stuck to my plan basically. otherwise things get so out of hand. I think being an adult includes making decisions that are best for us, not to always please others! As well as finding lower cal solutions so we can indulge with far less consequnences.
I'm praying for your son so hard...i think he needs a mental shift in the game. They would have tossed him by now if he couldn't pass. He needs to change his vision...tell him to "Just do it" like Nike. that he will have a safe future if he does!
Really rough day.
Started out real bad by waking up to more ******* snow. WTF it's freakin' April already. And I know what's going to happen, just like Keri from another title company told me today: we're going to go straight from winter -- which is what we have here, essentially -- to summer, with maybe a week for Spring if we're lucky.
Back still sore, but not as bad as it had been. A couple of Aleve helped a lot. Hormones are still not right, out of balance.
It did not help one ******* bit that my co-workers are bringing in desserts for breakfast! Monday, Lyn brought in Italian cookies (my weakness), Tuesday my boss brings in giant muffins, today Terry brought in leftover carrot cake/cheesecake combo (bottom layer is carrot cake, the top layer is cheesecake, and then iced with cream cheese frosting and topped with walnuts), and then Dave from the title company brought in 2 boxes of cookies, a cherry kringle (Google: Racine kringle to know what I'm talking about), and yogurt smoothies (shakes, really). So I had a very thin slice of the carrot cheesecake thing, and only ate the cheesecake part.
Then I got the really disappointing news that my son did not pass the Air Force push-up test AGAIN....
So he has one more chance next Wednesday to pass. If he does not pass, he will be deemed physically unfit for service and discharged. While I miss him immensely, he cannot come home. There is nothing for him here for his future. He is not an academic, not very motivated career-wise, as we thought this would be his path.... I'm not sure what he will do if he has to leave.
After that, I had an Italian cookie (110), hot chocolate (80), and whole fat vanilla yogurt (180). Felt gross, but came home and had dinner anyway, which was BLT's.
Oh well, at least I know that after this week, it's over, one way or the other. He either moves on or comes home. Nothing else to do or say about that.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
YOu need to talk him into just getting it done and working through the pain. but i think he also needs a day or two off. ???
and that sucks with all the sugar at work. no good.
sorry about the snow...there's still time for a Spring - it's only April...I wonder what May will bring??
Very unmotivated today... waking up to fresh snow covering the ground just... no words. I guess it's pretty, but just so discouraging especially regarding my we weight loss journey.
I know that the weather should not have that much influence on my ability to ... reach my goals.
You know, I don't even know what my goals are any more. I'm just blah.
At least the jelly beans are gone now. *sigh*
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
KEEP ON...!
A bunch of things, with no theme to them:
When I woke up this morning, I wished I could have a "non-participation day" and go back to bed. I fought this feeling until I got to work, only to discover that I was the only one there at 9am to take phone calls and answer the attorneys and get the office started. So I had to participate. Wow, was I busy! 7 contracts --- on a holiday weekend!
I've decided that at least for a while, I have to stop updating my FitBit during the day, because I become way too obsessed with getting 250+ steps every hour to make the "12-hour active day" goal. I said I wasn't going to do that this weekend, and I did - even though I had a sore back Saturday morning. I wasn't exhausted this morning, like I was last week after doing the same thing over the weekend, but my back is still sore, and I would have been better served had I just RESTED.
So yes, still dealing with a sore back. When I go upstairs for bedtime, I will take Aleve... and maybe one of my husband's pills. I hate to do that, because those zonk me out. I'm not sure the pain is that bad -- it's just persistent. I think the soreness might be hormonally related. Best to just manage the pain if I can.
In celebration of Easter, I bought myself a bag of jelly beans. I know, what was I thinking, right? Anyway, I had a hankering and wanted to celebrate the holiday. As far as candy goes, jelly beans are manageable for me -- especially since I bought the "spicy" beans, not the regular flavors, so I can only eat so many. I've been having 10, to cap off a meal, to satisfy my dessert need. Except that tonight I had 15. So I moved the bag upstairs in a drawer, rather than on my desk, because it gets far too easy to eat candy while online. And it's completely contradictory to be eating jelly beans while writing to you all. Say it again: What was I thinking???
Doing relatively well on the nail biting. I had a couple of lapses with my pinkie fingers, so I painted them with color. I'm just waiting for all the nails to even out, so that their relatively the same short length, and then buff them smooth and maybe put on a nice neutral color or Heavy Metal Green.
Tomorrow night, my daughter (if she doesn't back out) and I are attending a seminar at the public library about recycling. I'm looking forward to this and to spending time with her. And I decided to bite the $ bullet and keep my dentist appointment even though I no longer have dental insurance.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
usually i cut my nails when they get long, i also have files. lately, i've had to do some assignments / work where i've caught myself lately playing with my nails when i'm stressed...they are extra short lately but still i'm so glad i no longer pick my nails...i used to do that in hs...they looked bad and embarassing and i quit so they'd look better :) it helps to have a nail scissor or clipper handy so you are only tempted to care for them when you get the urge...and files. and also a cuticle clipper for any skin that is needing a quick snip. i keep these things also in my bag now so i can take them out wherever i am if something on my nails is bothering me...instead of having to pick / pull.
Happy Easter!!
Hip still a little sore today... It's been a busy morning with little chores here and there. My daughter had to work this morning, so I had her Easter gifts waiting for her this morning. It was so nice to see that even at age 17.9, she can still be surprised with a gift :-) It wasn't much really -- two Lindt chocolate bunnies, Burt's Bees chapstick, and a bottle of mango Snapple for her enjoyment.
I've been remembering whistfully the Easter mornings we used to have when the kids were little. My husband would almost always have to work, so I would take the kids up to Wisconsin with my folks. I'd bring the plastic eggs, get up super early, and hide them outisde in their big country backyard. The real eggs that we dyed with Grandma-Nana and Papa would be hidden in the family room. Then we'd have a nice midday meal before the kids and I would have to head on back to Illinois. These memories made me miss Papa... My mom (Grandma-Nana) will be spending Easter with my brother and his family -- the kids are still young enough for this stuff, at 11 and 6. Gotta grab these memories while you can, because kids grow up too fast....
Once my daughter returns from work, we'll have Italian beef sandwiches for dinner. We are all hammed out, I would say for the next year at least, maybe 2 before we need to be seeing another ham in this household.
Speaking of gift-giving, I did think of something to give my co-worker who covered my desk. She suffers from IBD, and even though we have 2 wax warmers in the small bathroom at work, I think she gets very embarrassed if she has a flare-up at work, which can sometimes run all day (no pun intended). So I bought her 4 spray air fresheners to use at work. She's mentioned several times that we're out of spray, and we've both discussed how we "keep forgetting" to bring spray. So this weekend, I was determined that this would not be a problem for her any more, at least for a while. Maybe not as usefull as a gas card would have been, but I think a little more appropriate on the price range, perhaps.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
I will be writing more tomorrow :) ty for your extra sweet Christmas moments <3 I hope you are enjoying this day and even the weather is cooperating here - I think it is by you too?
Lately i poop all the time at work...and pray nobody comes in when i'm in...bc if they do come in, i can't go...lol. usually, my kombucha early in the AM and then coffee later at work, does the trick. today though, due to hormones, it may not be the case...lol.
Logged on last night because I was feeling anxious & edgy -- the whole dessert wars thing again -- but couldn't think of anything inspiring to write. So I commented on entries instead...
Maintained my weight this week. I guess that's OK. I'd love to be 10 pounds lighter, but I don't think that's ever going to happen. Maybe it shouldn't ever happen at a healthy level. Please bear with me as I try to work my mind around maintenance issues...
Today is rainy and then temperatures will drop so that we have the coldest Easter in Chicagoland in the past 10 years. Great. Next week, there are several days where snow is forecasted. Double great. One thing this weather has shown me is that moving to Wyoming probably isn't what I'm looking for - at least weatherwise. So Wyoming is in the cards only if Daughter ends up moving to Colorado.
Like yesterday, for the most part (except for dinner, which it felt like I ate a lot of), I'm not real hungry this morning. This is how I prefer to be. One of the drawbacks being more active has is that I do get more hungry (DUH). Then that's when sugar levels and food intake get a little shaky for me. I find that I also go through phases where there are Hungry Days and then Not-So-Hungry Days. As part of maintenance, I have to learn to ride these waves out.
Unlike last weekend, my plan is to get my errands out of the way and then relax for the rest of the day. I pushed myself too hard last week, so that by the time Monday morning came around, I was exhausted. FitBit has this tracker where I can achieve 12 hours of 250+ steps. I tried that last weekend, making 11 of 12 hours so I missed the goal, and then was wiped out. So not this weekend. It's off my radar. I've done my morning exercise, so I will require nothing else of myself. If I want to do weights, great. If I want to walk, great. If I want another stationary bike ride in the afternoon, great. But I'm not pushing anything else other than my usual weekend errands.
EVENING EDIT: I changed the range of active hours on my FitBit from 8a-8p to 7a-7p and that seems to be a much better fit for my reality.
Started having some back issues this morning in the parking lot of the grocery store. This was AFTER taking Aleve for my achy hip after my morning workout. I will be monitoring this carefully.
Progress as of today: 55 lbs lost so far, only -5 lbs to go!
Once the weather WARMS UP, my after dinner habit will be to go for a nice walk. It is just taking forever to get to that point.
I'm going to explore other things to do after dinner to avoid future dessert wars. The decaf coffee was a step in the right direction, but I think I can probably do better than that.
It's been a long winter here too. Record snowfall and we finally got a 1 week reprieve, but now just got more snow yesterday. Hard to stay motivated here when the weather has been crappy for so long this winter.
I think I'm going to adjust my activity range from 7a-7p, rather than 8a-8p. I think that will be more conducive to my schedule, especially if I elect to go to bed earlier.
I'll tell you a secret though: I would really love to upgrade to the FitBit Blaze, which looks like an Apple watch. It definitely has the reminders.
What's stopping me? For one, it has a heft price, especially since I already have a FitBit that works. For two, and more sentimentally, Mr. Donkey and the kids got me the FitBit I have now as a birthday gift. So there's an emotional attachment to it as well.
What can I say? I'm a softie at heart.
I know that I have to get to the point where I'm done with the scale and embrace the body I'm given.
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Sometimes its easy to wish future days away...I'm doing that myself right now.....I guess they will come soon enough. Hang in there.
Maria7 on 04/10/2018:
Glad you at least are looking forward to having relief of your worries. Stress is not fun. Hoping all goes well for everyone.
horn_of_plenty on 04/11/2018:
My fingers are crossed for your son. Is it easy to be in touch with him?
Always proud of you!
Maria7 on 04/11/2018:
Hope you are having a good day. Getting closer to Friday! :-)
bearcountrygg on 04/11/2018:
I'm sorry to hear that your son didn't pass...but when 1 door closes...another opens.....hopefully there is a job/occupation that will be a better fit for him...I firmly believe that what happens is what is supposed to happen...and we don't always know why...but over time...the reason will show its self. He will figure it all out. Hugs to you...I know you were hoping that he would find himself there...