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Donkey - Thursday Jun 07, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 33: After today, everything changes. Today was the last day of school, and tomorrow the kids are home all day. So Donkey will be waking up EARLY to workout at the gym as close to 5a as she can manage, to workout before the husband goes to work and the kids wake up. Throughout the summer the kids will have activities in the morning that will prevent me from going then anyway, so it's best for me to get into the early routine now. The sooner the better. *yawn*

We managed to get in the girls' softball game despite terrible storms headed towards IL. I did not pitch, but I still got in a lot of exercise. I hope that once softball season is over to continue getting in a second workout in the evenings 2-3 times a week, as I do now with the softball stuff.

I am starting to think that I am going to need some assistance in getting to my goal weight (or lower; lower is fine too). I just "met" online a woman who is 144lb and is using Medifast to get down to 120. Isn't Medifast what Oprah used to lose all of her weight that one time? I thought you had to be obese to use that program. Yes? No? I emailed the woman to ask her questions about her experience.

I also heard an ad on the radio for some man who lost 35lb using lap band surgery. That would bring me down to around 105 or so. For my height that's not insane. 35lb is lot a lot of weight to lose for something as drastic as surgery to lose weight. (I could be wrong on that, so correct me if I'm wrong.)

I would love to get liposuction but first of all, I don't think the doctor would take out enough fat, and secondly, that would prevent me from doing any cardio for a few weeks and then I'd have to start all over again, building up my endurance. I don't want to do that.

But some of the conversation (see Amanda8419 for reference) that we've had about getting assistance to lose weight (other than portion control and exercise) has started me thinking. I think that this healthy eating and dieting is futile for me. Look at where it has gotten me - same weight or maybe a bit higher than I've been before. That stinks.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

MyJuneWedding on 06/08/2007:
Donkey, it's not the numbers on the scale alone! Your measurements in inches, how your clothes are fitting, your increased cardio endurance and improved overall health, THOSE are the big indicators of improvement!! Don't get flustered, stay true to yourself and your course! Humans are by design seeking balance when it comes to our metabolism and bodies, try shaking things up a bit, change you exercise, increase your weight or decrease you weights and do longer sets. Like not eating the same foods or the same amount of calories, we have to change our activities and intensity to keep our bodies fired up and guessing!!! You are doing so well!! =0)

Donkey - Wednesday Jun 06, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 32: No weigh in but I measured my hips and I lost 1/2 lb. I'm still a fat Donkey (or other word for donkey), as I carry all my weight from my knees to my waist.

Last night I pitched for girls' softball (ages 5-7). The pitching itself was fun, but the coaches are such jerks. If we're going to let people who are "out" stay on base because we feel sorry for them, then we totally deserve to lose every game that we do that. So there I am, thinking that the inning is over and lo and behold it's not because we're giving free passes. Then the **dads** from the other team start heckling me. Thanks. We give your girls a free ride and you go and put me down. Thanks. My jerk of a coach (another MAN) said, "it's not worth it." Yeah, I can tell, my feelings aren't worth it. And it's nice to know that you don't think the final score of the game is "worth it" either, even though our girls work their donkeys off. Thanks again. (Men and PMS do not mix well, methinks.)

I met a couple of cute little girls from the other team, though. One was Savannah, who I kept thinking was going to get beaned in the head with the ball, as they kept throwing the ball back to me after the play and she's right next to me. She had some funny things to say, like "Wow that pitch almost hit her face!" (Oops!) and "Is this where I should stand?" (Ask your coach) and my personal favorite "Where do I throw the ball to if I get it?" (You should throw it to first base.) (Eh, what the heck? if we're giving away outs, then I'll give away advice.)

Then another cutie I met was Chloe, who was wearing a Navy sweatshirt given to her by her brother who just returned home from duty somewhere. I kept calling her "Navy". "Hey, Navy! Way to go, Navy! Good play, Navy!" Her brother flies planes on the Navy carrier ships. My brother flies planes out of Air Force bases. So this was kind of a cute dialog, considering that there's nearly a 30 year age difference between the two of us.

So Donkey's feelings weren't totally crushed by the end of the game. But those feelings of resentment and hurt came back to me today during my workout --- which I *HATE* because it ruins a perfectly good workout, to contaminate a good thing with awful feelings like that.

That's why I'm so glad I have Diet Diaries to come to. I keep a journal on Sparkpages too, but I try to keep that one light and fluffy. This here is the real Donkey, manure and all.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

hollybelle on 06/06/2007:
I am hoping that the "f_t donkey" talk is the PMS!!!! I was dying laughing at your post. Too sad in spots NOT to laugh! You hang in there Donkey and keep coming here as your real self - manure and all! We are crazy about you! (That or we are all just crazy - period) LOL!

greengirl on 06/06/2007:
MEN!!! They could not organise the proverbial p*ss up in a brewery!!! Why bother having rules to a game if you can make them up as you go along!! Typical men. Donkey, I hope you never change. Just tell it like it is, girl!!!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/06/2007:
i just wanted to respond to your comment. lol, sadly, i DO have a little of that mindset: "if i don't fit into X size, I must be a terrible person." you're right, its not about that...its such a hard thing to overcome? or, its so hard to change...to change a body shape, to rethink what a picture of health is... :)

biscottibody59 on 06/06/2007:
Above--didja mean 1/2 inch? That's great!

So does this softball stuff all tie in with the "everyone's a winner--no one's a loser" thing? If so, how frustrating. Crazy at any rate--but you're in there doing it, which is more than alot of parents do!

It would be so much more fun to teach 'em the fundamentals and let them have at it on their own. And work out their own arguments, while still watching just in case something dangerous is going on. If they're all going to get the same prize at the end anyway . . . When do kids just PLAY anymore?

Oh, we used to play scrub (softball, but you rotate, so everyone gets a chance to do it all) and that game where you just catch fly balls (can't think of the name) at recess twice a day sometimes. I'd play it today if I could.

I'm sounding old and crotchety, so I better go:-)

Scruffy on 06/07/2007:
Scruff was here :) He's a guy and true, PMS and Men don't mix well.....LOL

Donkey - Tuesday Jun 05, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 31: No weigh in today. Woke up feeling "heavy" in the stomach. I was mad at Husband last night so I put a LOT of raw garlic on my dinner salad. He ate half a pizza; I had one slice and a big garden salad (with the garlic). Donkey needs not fear any vampires, that's for sure. Of course, with breath like that, Donkey can hardly stand smelling her own breath.

Garlic is one of those flavors (onion too) that "causes" me to eat more because I'm trying to get the taste of the garlic out of my mouth. Coffee seems to be the only effective thing I have found. But last night, I enjoyed the taste of garlic (repeatedly) in my mouth, and then used the coffee "mouthwash" this morning. Enough is enough, after all.

I had a great workout at the gym, but the rain showers that we've had in IL are keeping me from seeking a second workout outdoors. I haven't given up on being a regular runner yet!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

mcwoo40 on 06/05/2007:
Hi, i love garlic but it does'nt like me!!Gives me cronic heartburn.It is worse if only one of you has had the garlic as you don't want to get too close.The weather here in England is improving, but it can quickly change.Bye 4 now,Julie

greengirl on 06/05/2007:
Mmmm garlic. Can we take it that Mr Donkey is a vampire?? My hubby is not keen on it either so I have been there, done that when I have been annoyed with him, too!!!

Scruffy on 06/06/2007:
Scruff dropped by :)

Donkey - Monday Jun 04, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 30 --- Husband's day off and he's driving me nuts. I gotta try really hard not to eat in reaction. Ergh....

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 06/04/2007:
i know the feeling! thank you so much for the encouraging comments. i also eat in reaction...and i learned that my 67 year old colleague does it too. i always thought she had NO food issues...well, i was wrong. its something we can work on!

Donkey - Sunday Jun 03, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 29 --- somewhere I lost count and today is the REAL "Day 29"

I find that on days that I have to wake up early (because I don't get up early unless I have to), I want to eat more. I'm not sure if this is because I am tired or because the day is longer or what. Both Saturday and Sunday (today), I had to wake up and get going earlier than usual (for a weekday, and much more so for a weekEND).

Saturday I went to watch my friend run a race. Sunday I worked at a ministry table at church for the earliest Mass. Had more coffee than usual too, but I find myself fighting the "munchies".

That's ok though because I am determined to stay on track and committed to my diet and weight loss program. So far, I'm still within calorie range for being after lunch and so if dinner is reasonable, which it should be, then I should be just fine.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

greengirl on 06/03/2007:
Keep strong Donkey. To your own self be true !!!!

MyJuneWedding on 06/04/2007:
When you get up early do you start off with something for breakfast first or just head out? I've found easpecially on my days when my morning will be long and possibly tempting, starting my day off with oatmeal and something and having my balanced breakfast really helps me say no (especially to donuts omg I love chocolate cake donuts!) I also bring my mid snacks with me and take bee pollen int he a.m. which is suppose to help with appitite supression I've read. :-)

Donkey - Saturday Jun 02, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 29: You know, I may not even go to that stupid dysfunctional family reunion on Day 50, but I continue to count down anyway...

Had a great game today at girls' softball! It was so hard at the end, hot and tired, and the girls get those Hostess cupcakes (and a juice box) for their treat. Oh my, I can't even remember the last time I had a Hostess cupcake. So I came home and had a Fiber One bar instead. Probably about the same amount of calories, maybe a little less, but the FO bar has 9g of fiber! BornToCry would be proud. *sigh* I miss her here on Diet Diaries.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

greengirl on 06/02/2007:
I miss her too!!! Sounds like you had a good time at softball!! Keep up the good work!

Donkey - Friday Jun 01, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 28: Totally feel back on track and super motivated to STAY on track. Focusing on vegetables and fruit and fiber.

I see that gas prices will be affecting the price of milk (all dairy products) and meat soon, so I may be switching to vegetarianism just because that's what we can afford to eat!

Exercising is going so well. I've been focusing on doing slower workouts with more resistance on the elliptical, to get those super toned (skinnier) legs that I so long for.

AND I started weight training my upper body again! Yesterday was the first day since the April challenge ended. I've been having some shoulder/arm aches so I stopped doing that for a while. But now thanks to my new close and personal friend, Tylenol, I'm able to do some weight training with light(er) weights.

Rock on, Donkey!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

jshawstad on 06/01/2007:
I left you a reply on my journal, please feel free to check it out.

hollybelle on 06/02/2007:
Good being back on track. I understand about the aches and pains - at 52, I am wondering if it is just going to be a fact of life from now on! Ah, my squandered youth! LOL

Soon2BThin on 06/02/2007:
Yes, rock on, Donkey!! The weights really help develop those muscles and help burn more fat. So keep it up. You're doing great!

biscottibody59 on 06/02/2007:
Oh, I love the little dramas that happen on here;-) In your defense I don't think you're too harsh--just realistic--and most of all genuine. You go Donkey! And keep up the good work!

maria777 on 06/02/2007:
Good on being on track! YAAAAYYYY!

Donkey - Thursday May 31, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 26: I did pretty good yesterday until after dinner when I had a dish of sherbert. I'm thinking about cutting out sugars like that altogether. Seems as though many people dieting do that, the all-or-nothing routine. And I think this might work better for me because having sugar in moderation just doesn't seem to to work.

The weight is still coming down from my visit with my mom. Just not as quickly as I packed it on. I'm just not feeling as motivated as I have been in the past. I don't know why. I'm wondering if it's because I am unable to maintain my losses. So eventually it becomes "why bother?" because somewhere in my mind I "know" it will come right back on.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

denashope on 05/31/2007:
I know how you feel about the motivation problem. Just think of how good it will feel to get to your goal weight! You can do it!

Donkey - Tuesday May 29, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 24: Up, down, up, down... that's how my weight goes.

I went to my mother's over Memorial Day weekend and I swear, the minute I walked in the door, I started to eat and I could not stop. So I essentially put on everything I worked so hard to get off. However, I'm giving myself a week to recover (weight-wise, emotionally) to weigh in again.

My daughter was sick with a fever all weekend long. Very frustrating.

I felt all out of sorts until I went to the gym this morning. That really seemed to set things "straight" in their place (my routine) and now I feel much stronger and back on track. I can't continue to let myself get derailed by changes in routine. That's part of life, so why do I have such a hard time dealing with change?

I also realize I need to be more vigilant with my Diet Diary. I can't believe I went a whole 7 days without an entry. That's bad. If I'm serious about losing weight, then I need to be accountable and that's why I'm here in the first place!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

greengirl on 05/29/2007:
Hey Donkey. I'm exactly the same. If I am off work, and out of my usual routine everything goes of track. I know I've said this before but we definately are creatures of habit. Hope you get back in the swing if things soon. Also hope your daughter is feeling better too, there's always something to worry about isnt there?? Kids!!!

maria777 on 05/29/2007:
Glad to see you back!

Donkey - Tuesday May 22, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 17: I am back down to my "current weight" after Sunday's Day of Eating.

Donkey is having a great day today!

I have decided to take Borntocry's advice and steer myself towards more fruits and vegetables and then to moderate and measure the other food groups. Can't really go wrong with eating more fruits and vegetables - especially the vegetables.

After my Day of Eating on Sunday, my appetite seems to be back to normal. I try to focus on being aware of hunger. And if I ask myself "Do I feel hungry?" I'm surprised to find that I am often not hungry. I've gotten into such a habit of eating and eating and eating and given times throughout the day. But am I feeling hungry? Not necessarily (though sometimes yes).

Should we eat when we are not hungry?

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

borntocry on 05/22/2007:
Another interesting question from Donkey! I believe the answer is "no". But it's complicated. When I was growing up, we had fixed meal times and everyone had to sit at the table and eat something, hungry or not. I remember crying and complaining that I wasn't hungry, and not being allowed to leave the table until I had finished what was on my plate. I always envied my friends who had more "relaxed" households where everyone was expected to just go into the kitchen and fix themselves a snack whenever they wanted. I always thought that's how things would be in MY household. But now of course now I see the value of family meals and how my friends missed out on that. And to be honest, today, those friends are all struggling to lose weight. So they can't be all that much more attuned to their bodies' hunger signals than I am.

Maybe a good compromise would have been for my parents to insist on everyone's presence at the table without necessarily forcing us all to eat whatever was on the table, too. Because I still think it doesn't make sense to eat when you're not hungry. I used to think that it helped ward off hunger pangs later, but it doesn't. You digest the food at the same rate whether you're hungry or not. And it tastes better when you're hungry.

greengirl on 05/22/2007:
i always do better if I fill up on the vegetables!!! I dont think I always eat when I am hungry. I have to fit in eating with my daily routine at work. I know that I'm not always hungry when I actually overeat in the evening. It's just eating for the sake of it at times. I think I will just eat when I am hungry at weekends to see if it makes an overall difference to what I normally consume. OOH an experiment!!!

sweetpea1977 on 05/23/2007:
Great question! I totally agree with every single word that BTC said about her fixed meal dilemma and her solution. I also agree with her and you on filling up on fruits and veggies while moderating the other food groups. Its a great way to fill yourself up without going crazy on the calories.

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