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Donkey - Tuesday May 29, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 24: Up, down, up, down... that's how my weight goes.

I went to my mother's over Memorial Day weekend and I swear, the minute I walked in the door, I started to eat and I could not stop. So I essentially put on everything I worked so hard to get off. However, I'm giving myself a week to recover (weight-wise, emotionally) to weigh in again.

My daughter was sick with a fever all weekend long. Very frustrating.

I felt all out of sorts until I went to the gym this morning. That really seemed to set things "straight" in their place (my routine) and now I feel much stronger and back on track. I can't continue to let myself get derailed by changes in routine. That's part of life, so why do I have such a hard time dealing with change?

I also realize I need to be more vigilant with my Diet Diary. I can't believe I went a whole 7 days without an entry. That's bad. If I'm serious about losing weight, then I need to be accountable and that's why I'm here in the first place!

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

greengirl on 05/29/2007:
Hey Donkey. I'm exactly the same. If I am off work, and out of my usual routine everything goes of track. I know I've said this before but we definately are creatures of habit. Hope you get back in the swing if things soon. Also hope your daughter is feeling better too, there's always something to worry about isnt there?? Kids!!!

maria777 on 05/29/2007:
Glad to see you back!

Donkey - Tuesday May 22, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 17: I am back down to my "current weight" after Sunday's Day of Eating.

Donkey is having a great day today!

I have decided to take Borntocry's advice and steer myself towards more fruits and vegetables and then to moderate and measure the other food groups. Can't really go wrong with eating more fruits and vegetables - especially the vegetables.

After my Day of Eating on Sunday, my appetite seems to be back to normal. I try to focus on being aware of hunger. And if I ask myself "Do I feel hungry?" I'm surprised to find that I am often not hungry. I've gotten into such a habit of eating and eating and eating and given times throughout the day. But am I feeling hungry? Not necessarily (though sometimes yes).

Should we eat when we are not hungry?

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

borntocry on 05/22/2007:
Another interesting question from Donkey! I believe the answer is "no". But it's complicated. When I was growing up, we had fixed meal times and everyone had to sit at the table and eat something, hungry or not. I remember crying and complaining that I wasn't hungry, and not being allowed to leave the table until I had finished what was on my plate. I always envied my friends who had more "relaxed" households where everyone was expected to just go into the kitchen and fix themselves a snack whenever they wanted. I always thought that's how things would be in MY household. But now of course now I see the value of family meals and how my friends missed out on that. And to be honest, today, those friends are all struggling to lose weight. So they can't be all that much more attuned to their bodies' hunger signals than I am.

Maybe a good compromise would have been for my parents to insist on everyone's presence at the table without necessarily forcing us all to eat whatever was on the table, too. Because I still think it doesn't make sense to eat when you're not hungry. I used to think that it helped ward off hunger pangs later, but it doesn't. You digest the food at the same rate whether you're hungry or not. And it tastes better when you're hungry.

greengirl on 05/22/2007:
i always do better if I fill up on the vegetables!!! I dont think I always eat when I am hungry. I have to fit in eating with my daily routine at work. I know that I'm not always hungry when I actually overeat in the evening. It's just eating for the sake of it at times. I think I will just eat when I am hungry at weekends to see if it makes an overall difference to what I normally consume. OOH an experiment!!!

sweetpea1977 on 05/23/2007:
Great question! I totally agree with every single word that BTC said about her fixed meal dilemma and her solution. I also agree with her and you on filling up on fruits and veggies while moderating the other food groups. Its a great way to fill yourself up without going crazy on the calories.

Donkey - Monday May 21, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 16: I must have forgotten about my mean family (aunts, grandmother) and the upcoming reunion yesterday. I made a conscious decision to eat more yesterday but I went a bit overboard as the night progressed. Therefore, no official weigh-in today (or yesterday).

I'd been eating lower in my calorie range all throughout the week, with the exception of one day and then yesterday. I don't think it's a good idea to eat the same calorie level every day. Maybe I'm just making excuses and feel free to call me on that. So I think 4 days of lower calories and then 2 days of higher calories (but not 2 days in a row).

I dunno. Maybe I'm thinking about this too much and should just focus more overall health. Donkey must think this over...

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

borntocry on 05/21/2007:
No, no, I think you're absolutely right. I don't think one can or should stick to a really low calorie limit day after day after day. I never actively plan on higher-calorie days, but that's only because I know that some days will inevitably be harder than others (meals out, stress, etc.) so I prefer to let circumstance dictate which day is which. I try to stick to 1200 calories every day, but at the back of my mind the aim is for each week to balance out with 4 days at 1200 calories, 2 at 1500 and 1 at 1800.

In my opinion, focusing on your overall health is obviously the best thing to do for your health, but not necessarily the most effective way to lose weight, and I think geevee and Umpqua (two people with very healthy diets) will back me up on this. A few healthy lifestyle changes can be a great way to jumpstart the process for people who have a lot of weight to lose, but for someone like you, who is already in the healthy range, I fear it won't be enough.

I suppose what you could do is go for a healthy, low-carbish diet. If you concentrate on filling up on fruits and vegetables, you can't go wrong. It's just that for me, I can so easily overdo it on "healthy" foods like nuts, whole grains, etc. that I can't give myself the green light to eat anything I want as long as it's healthy!

GG on 05/21/2007:
No, its good to vary your calories every day because it keeps your metabolism guessing! I read that somewhere but I live by that because I know my calories vary from day to day! there are so many different foods out there with different calorie counts, how can you eat the same amount every day unless you eat the same thing over and over again?!

maria777 on 05/21/2007:
Yeah, I heard it's good to mix up the calories range some days...

weightlossyoyo on 05/21/2007:
You are doing great! A few days low and the 1 or 2 in the higher range mixes it up, it is awesome!

foreverfrosting on 05/21/2007:
Thanks for your comment on my diary. I read yours with great interest since we have the same goal weight, are about the same height and current weight. I really look forward to reading more of your diary entries. Keep up the great work!! P.S. I too have heard alot about mixing up your calories every day--keeps your body guessing and your metabolism moving. GG had a great point--the only way it could ever be exactly the same is to eat exactly the same foods every single day and how boring would that be? I liked borntocry's advice too--4 days at 1200, 2 at 1500 and you know maybe that one day at 1800. Excellent advice that I will use myself.

hollybelle on 05/22/2007:
Good advice above on focus on health not so much food and "the numbers". I believe if we do that our goals will happen. Also - I read what you wrote about not liking tight clothes. Me, either! Also I really related to the fact that you weren't sure exactly how much they "didn't fit" before. I think once we lose weight, after awhile, we forget the old self and get use to the new size pretty quickly. I know I used to be much bigger but I "feel" big now. It helps to sometimes put on an old pair of pants or something to remind me how far I've come otherwise I become very discontent very fast. Just an observation.

Donkey - Saturday May 19, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 14: Doing very well with the diet and exercise. Most of my summer clothes fit now. I don't like my clothes to fit tightly. I wonder if it's a sensory issue. One of the problems with this is that baggy clothes make me look bigger than I am (shapeless). So I am wondering... when I felt that my clothes did not fit me before, did they REALLY not fit me, or was it just that they were snug, and tighter than I like but that they "fit" by society norms?

Did that make sense?

Anyway right now, I"m kind of pissed off (pardon my vernacular usage of language here). I had thought that we'd take the kids out for an informal dinner (and probably not too nutritious either), but I found out that Husband took the kids out for ice cream on his afternoon errands. Without me! :-( Not that I really *wanted* Dairy Queen, but I feel very left out. So of course, I did not want to go out to dinner with him. So we had tacos for dinner instead. I could not finish mine, because I realized that we could have been having a nice evening out, but instead had to settle for Husband's crappy tacos.

I hope the scale will reward me tomorrow.

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

borntocry on 05/19/2007:
That's funny - I find that baggy clothes make me look thinner. I guess mainly because they make me look flat-chested. And hide my hips a bit.

Maybe you husband was trying to be considerate and helping you avoid temptation by taking the kids out for ice-cream without you? Not very likely, huh?

Thanks for your comment. I guess the binge started because I was just really hungry. But after realising that a mere two bowls of cereal had already put me at 800 calories for the day, I gave up and thought I might as well indulge in a whole bunch of cookies as well. (My brother gave me a hamper of gourmet treats for my birthday - my fault, I asked him to get me something to eat for my birthday!)

Good luck on the scale tomorrow!

Donkey - Thursday May 17, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 136.0

Day 12: Made a recovery from my frosting encounter, as you can see by my current weight.

Today was the last day of assessment testing for my son. I am so relieved. I do think that we will be getting a second opinion. Neither my husband nor I have a very high opinion of the testers or their qualifications, but we decided to finish the procedure anyway. We will not receive the results in time to help my son this year in school, however, which is unfortunate.

But not having to go back to this clinic is a huge relief. Every time I go, I get into some kind of confrontation with the staff. And I think my son is happy that it is over too. While he was in testing today, as a treat, I bought him a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper (we do sugar-free here) to celebrate. I got myself a cup of coffee as I had the worst headache and I thought it would help.

After dropping Son back at school, I went straight to the gym - NO LUNCH. I did pretty well considering I had an empty "tank" and a headache. I so wanted to leave after my usual 65 minutes on the elliptical, but I knew that I needed to do weights too, because chances are I would not have time to do them tomorrow (Friday). (Husband is off of work on Friday and when he is home, my schedule and routine are hopelessly thrown off.)

I hope it will be a nice weekend. Husband has the whole thing off so he can go to my Daughter's softball game, go to church with the Family (us). All that usual family stuff that we often do without him.

I don't want you all to think I skipped lunch. Skipping meals is a very bad thing to do to your metabolism. I just finished a big salad and a deviled egg (oops). Now I will shower up and wait for the kids to get home from school.

I am looking forward to this evening. The kids have Tae Kwon Do, then we come home to a hamburger dinner that Husband will cook (he likes to cook) and then Son and I will head on off to the public library for his Chess Club. He really likes that, and I think that is just great! :-)

Progress as of today: 8 lbs lost so far, only 11 lbs to go!

greengirl on 05/17/2007:
Hey Donkey, great job on the weightloss. I knew all your exercise would pay off. Keep up the good work!!!

borntocry on 05/17/2007:
An hour on the elliptical, AND weights, on an empty stomach? That's dedication. Maybe if I had just one tenth of that, I could lose a couple of pounds too!

Donkey - Monday May 14, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 138.0

Day 9: everything was going well, with the exception of not getting to the gym today, until this evening when I ate some frosting out of the container. Now my stomach feels sooo upset. Not nearly as upset as I am with myself though.

Progress as of today: 6 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

CharlieAngel on 05/14/2007:
forgive yourself and move on.

weightlossyoyo on 05/14/2007:
CharlieAngel is right. It is not a big deal, you know you should not have and it is over. Don't worry too much about missing a day at the gym if you have to, most of weightloss comes from what you don't put in your mouth. Tomorrow is a new day and it will be better.

borntocry on 05/15/2007:
Poor girl! Come on, think of those mean aunts of yours! Only 40 days to go!

Actually I also have 40 days left until a half-marathon which I may be doing next month. So maybe I can jump into the 50-day plan myself! Not that I feel like doing anything quite so enthusiastic at the moment...

hollybelle on 05/15/2007:
I have had days when I have done well until the very end and then eaten something so bizzare (like icing out of the container), too. Usually I will eat something like 3 slices of toast with lots of butter and jam and a big glass of milk - for some reason I usually chose that late at night. Don't know why we do it. Oh well, long as we don't do it every day......sigh!

biscottibody59 on 05/15/2007:
I have never been able to do that eating just by itself frosting out of the container or peanut butter. Now I have made bizarre little appetizer thingies with triscuits--I put a blob of mayo + horseradish. That's when there seems to be just about nothing else in the house to eat!

Have a good one!

Donkey - Sunday May 13, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 138.0

((Edited because I had Day 11 instead of Day 8)

Day 8: So far, so good, dietwise, anyway. Last week, we were dealing with some of my son's emotional issues (he's just having a really hard time), and I had no appetite.

I also haven't had much to contribute as far as comments to people's diaries. I hope you can understand.

Progress as of today: 6 lbs lost so far, only 13 lbs to go!

maria777 on 05/13/2007:
Happy Mothers' Day to you! Hope you have a much better day today! Big Smile!

greengirl on 05/13/2007:
Everyone understands that family has to be your priority. I hope you are able to help your son with his issues. Good luck with that.

Justine6Robert3 on 05/14/2007:
Hi Donkey, I'm sorry that your feeling down. Ofcourse your son should be your first priority, I hope you can help him to work through some of his emotional issues. Take care of yourself and your family Donkey, everyone understands.

borntocry on 05/14/2007:
Hi Donkey! I'm sorry for what you're going through. Hope it gets better.

Donkey - Wednesday May 09, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 138.5

Day 3 (Tuesday) was very successful. However, Husband came home with some big stick up his donkey and said maybe 10 words to me that weren't yelling. And then when I spoke to him about some financial things that needed to be taken care of, he totally jumped down my throat. I apologized but said that he hadn't talked to me at all that night and this was stuff that I wanted to get finished up for the day.

Why am I mentioning this here? Because i have found that i often eat in reaction to his words/actions. Sad but true. Well, I'm not going to let this happen this time. If he wants to act like a 3yr old, then he can go ahead and do that. Eating to comfort myself won't change the fact that he is one big donkey.

Day 4 will be successful today.

EVENING UPDATE: Yes, today was another successful day. I got up early to exercise at the gym for an hour. Then after the kids were in school, I went to our house that we're (STILL) getting ready for sale and worked my butt off there. Came home and mowed the lawn and did laundry. A highly productive day.

The only things I have left to do at the old house is to wipe down the kitchen one more time and scrub the basement floor (in spots, where the cats left hairballs). Husband has to clear out some furniture, get the carpets cleaned and we're good to go!

Progress as of today: 5.5 lbs lost so far, only 13.5 lbs to go!

jon'smom on 05/09/2007:
Sorry to hear about your day. I used to eat when my hubby and I would argue. Good for you for not going back to your old ways!!!

maria777 on 05/09/2007:
We all need to 'let it out' from time to time...that's what I like about DD...it's not STRICTLY only about what we eat or how much we weigh...it's about REAL PEOPLE caring for one another! Good for you on not allowing yourself to give in to emotional eating! YEAAAAAAAA! Have a happy day!

sweetpea1977 on 05/09/2007:
Wow, Im sorry about the crappy day you had. Good for you on not relying on food for support. Always remember you can vent your frustrations on here...its much more helpful than fat laden junk food! Plus, its guaranteed that you'll have a few people on your side!! :o)

Have a good Day 4!

halley on 05/09/2007:
Sorry you are going through that. Not eating in response is fantastic! Way to go.

hollybelle on 05/10/2007:
Wow to identify an emotional trigger - what a discovery. I find that I eat in response to stress about daughter's school work, schedule, etc. It is so hard not to. But I am getting better. Thanks for sharing.

greengirl on 05/10/2007:
MEN !!!

Congratulations on your successful day. Sometimes the cleaning seems like it is just never ending!!!

Donkey - Monday May 07, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 140.0

Day 2: So far, so good.

I actually managed to get my butt out of bed early and head on over to the gym. I exercised on the crosstrainer for an hour and then I came home and got the kids off to school. My Husband and I had an appointment in the morning (very stressful, about my son's problems in school) and afterwards, I went to the gym to "relax" (actually, to work out all of my anxiety and stress). I did the stair stepper for 30 minutes and then I did the weight training for the lower body.

So yes, 2 trips to the gym today. Insane? Perhaps, but tomorrow I may only get in one workout and it will have to be the early morning one.

Tonight I have my daughter's softball game (I pitch and coach). Ugh, get this. Husband wants pizza for dinner and then ice cream after the game. Ooof! Stay strong, Donkey!!!

Progress as of today: 4 lbs lost so far, only 15 lbs to go!

borntocry on 05/07/2007:
So you really went to the gym twice in one day? I'm impressed! I must confess, I didn't think that was ever really going to happen (and now we're even, for that time you didn't think I was going to do a long run, if I remember correctly!).

Hope the school appointment went well. Good luck with the pizza and ice-cream after softball! You could try what I did last time and have a couple of big bowls of salad or vegetables along with your pizza - it helped me stick to one slice. And maybe get your husband to pick a flavour of ice-cream which you don't like as much?

Thanks for your comment. Yeah, I'm in Paris. I didn't see any sign of rioters yesterday but this morning I heard that the police used tear gas on them. I think it was right around where I live, too.

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/07/2007:
whoa! Busy! Have a wonderful day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/07/2007:
Thanks for you comment today :)

liza36 on 05/08/2007:
I hear exercise is good for stress and anxiety, but I haven't experienced that yet. I get stressed just thinking about exercise and how I'm going to fit it in! I'm highly impressed you went to the gym twice. Now that's true dedication!

biscottibody59 on 05/08/2007:
Re: the previous entry

Do it for yourself as much as for trying to show up your relatives. Your success will be more sustained, at least from what I've seen of people on here over the years who lost for some event. I remember someone losing just a moderate amount for a HS reunion, she promptly gained at least twice as much back as she had lost. Of course life is more complicated than that, but I wonder if she hadn't just approached it selfishly and patiently would she have had a better long-term outcome.

Hope you're having a good day!

Horn_Of_Plenty on 05/08/2007:
hi donkey, thanks for your comments lately. thanks for telling me my calories are ok! LOL. its good support!

sorry to hear about your current issues with your son in school, but....schools almost out for summer!!!!

maria777 on 05/08/2007:
Oh, my! Stay VERY strong with that pizza and ice cream! Good for you on working out at the gym, too!

Donkey - Sunday May 06, 2007
(Portion control & Exercise)
Weight: 140.5

DAY 1: It's Crunch Time. (No, not the candy bar.)

My aunts & mother are having a party for my grandparents in June. These are family members who have never thought well of me to begin with (including my grandmother who pretty much made my childhood very hellish). But last summer they really got me good by excluding me from a cousin's wedding.

So I don't particularly want to go to this, but the party is at a really good seafood restaurant. And while I may or may not go, I'd like to have the option of attending. And if I attend, I want to look my best. My aunts are very large, unhappy women (not that being large makes them unhappy but they happen to be both). I would love to show up look trim and toned. Of course, they would probably ignore me and my family even more so, but I would have the satisfaction of knowing that I got to them.

And since I have been struggling to get back on track since moving, I am hoping that this will be the impetus I need to start losing weight again. I have 50 days until the date of the party.

Weight loss should always be for yourself, not for anyone else. I acknowledge this, and I think for me it still holds true. However, a little revenge in my motives wouldn't hurt, either, especially if it does get my numbers moving in the "down" direction again.

Progress as of today: 3.5 lbs lost so far, only 15.5 lbs to go!

borntocry on 05/06/2007:
Well, you know what I always say: there's nothing like a petty childhood grudge to get you going. Seriously, I am all in favour of this plan. I know, I know, fitness and weight loss should be about ourselves and no-one else. But surely we'd be lying if we claimed that the way others see us doesn't affect us at all? Also, it will be good for you to look and feel your best at this event, not just to arouse the envy of your relatives, but also so that you'll be confident and self-assured enough to deal with their barbs. I find that when I'm around my relatives I feel just like a teenager again - and it's not a good feeling. Once I left home, I always dreamed that I'd return too cool for school - free at last from the inadequacies of youth. So far that hasn't happened but this summer it looks like I'll be going back after a 5-year absence, and hopefully things will be different this time!

girliegirl6486 on 05/07/2007:
I'm all in favor of this plan too : )

Yes, I told the annoying roommate about my internship but she fired back with how her PAID internship just moved her from part time to full time. I wanted to smack her.

geevee on 05/07/2007:
I know EXACTLY what you're saying!

For me, it was a high school reunion. Every couple of months I'd get an annoying call from a girl who used to be my best friend and was fortunate enough to stay slim all her life, unlike me.

Well, that was what got me to join DD's and lose 40 lbs.

End result: No, I never went to the reunion. The price was outrageous and most of the people there I didn't know. So, the question was WHY?

My friend never relented and insisted upon meeting even though I wasn't going to go. At that point I was about ten pounds above high school weight, so I felt that was acceptable. You know what? I'll never forget my friend's comment: "Why, you look just like Gail!" It was as if the few times she had seen me over the years when I was FAT disappeared, and for me, not going to the Reunion for the reasons I stated, made sense. It wasn't because I was too fat!

It sounds crazy, but that's really the way it is.

SO, you have all the motivation in the world that you need to lose weight. You CAN do it!

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