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Donkey - Monday Jan 24, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

I was about to step out to shovel what snow fell overnight, when I looked up to see that it has started to snow again - quite a bit.  I do NOT want to drive in falling snow.  IDK this year, I'm just not feeling very brave about it.  In the past, I've been more of the "I'll do what I need to do."  Not this year.  I guess I'm getting old.

I am finishing up breakfast, because I was too hungry to go out to tackle the shoveling before eating something (and after my morning bike ride).  TOM arrived last night, so I was up all night with cramps.  Had a hard time getting up early this morning, only to discover that I hadn't set up the coffee maker to brew.  So everything was a little late today.  And now it is snowing....

I did not go to the gym yesterday.  Instead, I walked on my treadmill and did some lower body weights, but not as much, because my back was hurting. 

I think I did a very good job with eating yesterday.  Snacking and late night eating are tough spots.  Personally, I am OK with snacking as long as they are healthy.  On weekends, though, I sometimes skip the morning snack and just have an early lunch. 

Well, no sense in putting off the day any longer.  I'd better get dressed and get out there to shovel.  I feel bad about going in late.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/24/2022:
Good job with healthy snacks.......It was quite the snowfall...I suspect that you got the same one we did......Hopefully you feel better today..


Maria7 on 01/24/2022:
Our snow is almost all melted here. It was pretty but glad it is melting. Have a good day.


Jacky82020 on 01/24/2022:
Seems like you did great on your own without going to the gym. Way to go, Donk!

Speaking of snacks, I saw some 100 cal bags of cashews at Aldi. Reasonably priced, 7 per box. Quickly dismissed them and now wished I hadn’t & will get some next time. Was thinking had to be very small quantity of nuts, but that’s not stopping me with the 100 cal yogurt dipped pretzels. Only 22 gms, so I usually eat half the box. Makes me feel kinda piggy, but geez, they are like mouse size servings. LOL


Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2022:
oh no, do NOT feel bad about going into work late, you do have to take care of your property / manage it....you've got a lot of snow so far this year. we had on storm only; which mostly melted the next day.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2022:
we both dyed our hair last night. nice job on your shoveling yesterday as well and getting more exercise on your bike! so great! you are very strong with your cardio and lower body muscles. that is awesome!!!! :) hope your back feels better.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2022:
yeah, the book i'm reading is the same as the movie you saw... it's weird about fly fishing and some is very unrelatable. i wouldn't have chosen the book, but it's short, and coworker gave it to me to read, so i will continue. the storyline part is great, but not the flyfishing haha. it was the author's first novel he wrote, he was in with intellectual groups; but this was his first novel and he wrote it at 70yrs old! he was able to make headway and get published def thanks to being in his networking circles. it's interesting, he sure has a LOT of knowledge about life back then, it's storytelling basically about certain skills...but storyline like i said is decent too. if not plot, etc, i would not have been able to continue reading it!


Horn_of_plenty on 01/24/2022:
but yes, it's a very unique type of book and that's prob why it left you confused seeing the movie.



Donkey - Sunday Jan 23, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Good morning...  Well, an early gym day today wasn't going to happen at all.  Stayed up too late (for me) watching *exciting* football so I woke up just before 6am.  Looked outside and we had gotten about 5 inches of snow overnight, so shoveling would be required.  And my street didn't look as cleared as what I'm comfortable with, so I knew pretty much right away that gym wasn't going to happen early.

Fortunately for me, the snow is light and fluffy - not good for snowman building - so I could manage to shovel it by myself.  That took about 40-45 minutes.  Also, TOM is about to start, so I'm already experiencing lower back pain (started yesterday).  Oh I know my body better.  Best not to push my luck with my back.  If I can just behave until TOM starts, I should be OK.  But once the back is out of whack, then it's much harder to reconcile/fix.  Shoveling was already pushing my luck, but like I said, it was the light stuff, and I don't need Husband, with his disabled back, trying to clear out snow -- even the light stuff!

My car does not handle wet roads very well at all -- it tends to slide and skid.  So I don't want to chance it until the main roads are salted and cleared really well.  BUT I just might skip today.  I got stuff to do at home, and I don't think it's worth the stress and tension (especially for my back) to chance it.  This might be one of those "better safe than sorry" situations.  If I had a better vehicle, like a Jeep or a Subaru, then maybe.


Eating yesterday went quite well, from what I can remember.  I know that by staying up later, I got hungry/munchie, but I did not eat.  Normally, I would just go to bed, but I kept having things to do.  Then it was like 2 minutes left in the football game, so I stayed up.

Most of my day yesterday was CONSUMED with dying my hair.  I kid you not.  I tried the new vegan henna dye.  It's not like regular hair dye, so there was a lot of waiting to let the dye sit.  The application was not easy either:  it's oil based cream, and the directions say to dilute it with water to a 50-50 solution.  Well, oil and water don't mix so that really didn't happen.  Then, the directions were not clear as to whether or not I was supposed to shampoo at the end.  Long story short, I did end up figuring it out, and I like the results a lot!  Next time, though, I'll use the cream differently - and I have about half a tube left. 

  • I will use the option to shampoo the color in, by combining it with my shampoo, for a gradual color change.
  • I know now that you have to use conditioner, and then shampoo, and then conditioner to completely rinse the henna gel paste out of the hair.
  • If it's healthier for my scalp and hair, then I'm happy to keep using this.

We're expecting more snow overnight, so I'm not sure about staying up late for football tonight.  

Monday night is yoga.

On Tuesday, I signed up for a free Zoom webinar on how to develop a "side-hussle".  I'm looking forward to it, although I hope I can ride my bike while watching it, because it's 1.5 hours after sitting all day at work.  I don't have any passions or ideas for a side-hussle, but I thought maybe it might be interesting to hear about anyway.  Husband was less than supportive, suggesting I clean homes.  Sure.  With my bad back, that's a great idea.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/23/2022:
Have you ever considered doing some selling on Ebay? I've been thinking about that lately. Looks like you got a really good workout with shoveling snow this morning. Ours is melting, down here in SC. Glad, too, although it did look pretty yesterday.


innerpeace on 01/23/2022:
Side hustle - are you a notary? We closed on a loan and they sent a notary to our house to get the papers notarized - that would be a side hustle for you - if you don't want to go to their home, meet them at the library or something....just a thought - maybe it was HOP who is the notary.


bearcountrygg on 01/23/2022:
I had a car once that was really bad on wet pavement.....scary...I got rid of that one just as soon as I could. Great that you like the new hair color...


happy-1 on 01/23/2022:
But do you like the result?

Donkey on 01/24/2022:
I DO!!!! I really love it.



Donkey - Saturday Jan 22, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 134.5

Good early morning!  I decided to try something different this weekend, and get to the gym much earlier than usual.  I'm not sure if I'll be able to do this tomorrow, if it's snowing, but looks like I can do it today.  I'm just waiting for it to get a little lighter outside, for easier driving.

I called the endocrinologist's office yesterday - yay, me! - and was told that this doctor was not accepting new patients.  So now I have to go back to my primary care physician and see if there is anyone else she can refer me to.  I have a PPO insurance, so I don't think I need her formal referral for insurance, but I'd like to go to someone she knows.  If I have to go at this on my own, I have 3 doctors I can call, but I've already been forewarned by others that I should expect a 4-6 month wait.  I'm glad I didn't sit on this for too long, because it will take a while.  Thank goodness I feel fine and don't have immediate symptoms or problems that I need to cope with while waiting.  I am very grateful for that.

I did well with eating.  I resisted ALL chocolate covered nuts.  Dinner was on the lighter side ("breakfast" with eggs w/lots of vegetables and some Italian sausage on the side).  Drank more water, and had an extra cup of coffee rather than reaching for something else to eat.  I just FELT more focused on my goals and my efforts yesterday, even though I would say that work was a little on the busier side.  

I was quite pleased with the scale this morning.  Definitely heading towards the right direction.  I came to a realization earlier this week that because this is winter, and in the upper midwest, it is difficult to endure our winters, that I should focus on just maintaining everything right now.  Oh, if I lose, great.  Oh, if I try something new, great.  But the main goal for winter is to maintain activity level and food.  Then, when the weather gets warmer in the Spring, I can smash out any new goals I want for myself.  I don't really think that I'm putting myself "on hold" - because maintenance is a goal unto itself - but rather, just being realistic and perhaps kinder to myself in being honest about things (holidays, weather, darkness, etc.).

OK, it seems to be getting lighter outside, so I'll get ready to go to the gym.  I do plan to update this entry and comment on yesterday's entries for everyone, later today.


MORNING EDIT:

Wow, going to the gym early is a good thing to do if you can do it!  And I'm glad I tried it!  In fact, a whole bunch of people were arriving just as I was leaving at 8:30am-ish.  So glad I left before the morning rush started.  In fact, if I had been able to leave even 10 minutes earlier, I would have had less to deal with.

The remainder of the day will be spent doing laundry, watching football, and dying my hair.  I'm using a natural henna product ("all vegan"), which comes in dark brown. I thought henna rinses were only the bright red color from Lucille Ball (I Love Lucy) but apparently there is a kind for dark brown.  The process takes at least 4 hours, and I have to wear a shower cap.  So I'm waiting for Daughter to leave for work before I get started.  And I have football to help me pass the time, so hopefully it will turn out OK.

However, I am also mentally prepared on what to do if it turns out like I Love Lucy.  I'll just tell everyone at work that I'm the new employee.

Progress as of today: 52 lbs lost so far, only 1.5 lbs to go!

Horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2022:
hey donkey! Kathyblue posted some good info on yoga apps she's been using, you may want to take a look later today / this weekend at her post :)

Donkey on 01/22/2022:
I saw that :-) I will have to check those out! I'm not a big app person, but I WILL check these out. I'm so glad she posted them!


Horn_of_plenty on 01/22/2022:
i gotta tell you, re below, a choc covered almond or two or 5 or 10 will not damage your overall diet. so, if you want a tatse, remember it's just a taste. perfect after lunch or after you've eaten, so you aren't too hungry. or a few right before you drive home or before or after exercise ;) and free $ haha!

good luck to you on finding another endo. maybe also google and see reviews / ratings on any by you...i know, more work for you to do!

ty for reminding me about eggs. been skipping them for awhile. maybe awhile longer, then i'll have an appetite again for them :) great eats. low cal pretty much, a nice dinner!

i'm doing the same main goal as you thru winter....to just maintain the exercise/activity levels to the most part and decent eating. i also have no goals to increase activity or raise the bar until warmer weather when it's easy to be out for longer periods of time and the sun sets even later.

Donkey on 01/22/2022:
This is an astute observation. Yes, even 10 chocolate covered almonds, while not ideal, is not enough to derail my true progress. Oh sure, I might have a day or 2 of bloat.

I guess my issue is that I use those almonds for stress-relief, and not as a treat. Stress-relief eating feels a lot like bingeing.


Maria7 on 01/22/2022:
Congratulations on your new lower number!

Donkey on 01/22/2022:
Thank you!!!


bearcountrygg on 01/22/2022:
D is a diabetic and as his treat he allows himself 2 dark chocolate hershey kisses every day after lunch.......He keeps them in his drawer...and has become very disciplined about that....it's okay to have things....quantity can get in the way I know.......but setting a limit and sticking to it at a specific time of day is really working for him.

Donkey on 01/22/2022:
I do similarly to D, with my square of chocolate after dinner, and I could probably do the same with the nuts, if it were at home. The problem is that I get stressed at work and use these to calm my nerves. And it seems that once I start with 2-3, it is a slippery slope after that, if it does get stressful.

Yesterday at work had drama -- that difficult file that I needed to close, did NOT close. Plus, the other closings we had, also became very difficult at the closing table. So not a good idea to go down that road.

When I am done with this Lindt chocolate bar, I may go back to Kisses again, for after dinner.


jacky82020 on 01/22/2022:
Scale numbers looking great!

Donkey on 01/23/2022:
Thank you! I am coming into my "mental" comfort zone. My body likes to be at 145 or 136, but I usually feel best about myself in the lower 130's. I would love to settle at 127, but that's probably not sustainable for me, so I've learned, at least with how I'm living now.


happy-1 on 01/23/2022:
A little indulgence prevents a big blow out. You did good!



Donkey - Friday Jan 21, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

So JUST as I had finished up those chocolate-covered candy-coated almonds at work, AND weaned myself out of the chocolate covered peanuts --- a rep from another title company dropped in and brought the office a belated Christmas gift --- a full big tin of chocolate covered almonds.  And these are of a higher quality than the previous ones, which had some kind of crunchy candy coating under the chocolate.

I had 7 or 8 of them.  But I am declaring to you all here and now that I will not be eating any more of these in the near future - or perhaps ever, if someone else eats them.  This resolve is strengthened by New Gal's comment to me yesterday that she was surprised that I was eating them.  She was surprised, I guess, because she sees me as being very self-disciplined in what I eat.  I consider that a compliment.  So I will live up to that compliment. 

I need to call the endocrinologist.  Husband asked me last night if I had made an appointment, and I said not yet.  I tend to put off these things for a couple of weeks or longer, especially when it's health-related.  However, I know that I cannot do this, because I know of this doctor.  Husband had seen her a few years ago for a problem they thought might be related to glands, but was not.  This doctor is popular and was working part-time, at least a few years ago.  So I realized that it may be a few months before I can be seen.  Therefore, I must really call sooner, rather than later, because there will mostly likely be a long wait time.

Today should be a good day.  No attorneys at the office -- the 2 associates will be at closings all day.  And one of my most difficult files will be closing today, so I'll be done with that.  This file has caused a huge butt hurt for a lot of people, not just me, this week.  

We may be getting some snow this weekend, so I have already prepared myself mentally that my gym visits may or may not happen.  It's important for me to remain flexible and "go wiht the flow".  Other than that, looking forward to watching some really good football.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/21/2022:
You and I both love chocolate and almonds...I had some yesterday, too.

Donkey on 01/22/2022:
Yep, something about that combo -- irresistible -- although yesterday, I was able to resist, LOL. It's kind of like an all-or-nothing thing, with me, I guess. I could easily eat a LOT of them.


jacky82020 on 01/21/2022:
Yeah, make that call today. I once had to wait 3 months for a cardiology. Maybe that’s good, meaning not a pressing issue.

Donkey on 01/22/2022:
I'm really glad that I did call, so that at least I know what's what.


happy-1 on 01/23/2022:
You’ve got this.



Donkey - Thursday Jan 20, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Yesterday was not a bad day, either, even with New Gal there and Associate Attorney kind of driving me nuts.  I can't tell you how many times I started walking towards Male Co-Worker's new office to complain about AA, but decided not to go in, and instead, either turned around or went downstairs (to get some steps), to step away for a little bit.  Going to Male Co-Worker just stokes an angry fire and sometimes I get burned by it too.  I DID GOOD.

I did my lower body weights yesterday, increasing the weights on some exercises, and staying the same or decreasing on others.  That's OK.  I wish I could start seeing some definition in my legs, like I am in my arms.  Also, I've noticed I have pancake butt, and I'm wondering if I should do something to build up my gluteal muscles a bit, to fill out the loose skin and prevent a sagging bum.  Such things are vanity, I know, but I'm also thinking about this on a functional level too.  Think of horses and donkeys that have large gluteal muscles to help them move fast(er).

So... I'm not sure where to talk about this, or what to do with this, so I'll start here with you trusted friends.  I've thought about the sage advice from other members here who have said that previous generations didn't really talk about their feelings or emotions, but just put on a stiff upper lip and carried on, rather than being more outwardly emotional.  So that is why I want to talk about this HERE and not really with anyone in person yet.

I didn't receive the news I wanted to from the doctor yesterday.  My parathyroid levels, from the blood tests, came back high, and she wants me to see an endocrinologist.  She referred me to a specialist.  Of course, being Dr. Donkey, I did a quick Google (lol), and discovered that it's usually treated with surgery to remove nodes (something like that).  There are some prescriptions that don't really treat the problem but rather address the side effects of having an overactive parathyroid (PTH).  Bleah....  I don't like either of those options.  Besides, I feel great, right?

AND why - oh WHY - when it comes to these medical issues, WHY is it that I *never* have the side effect of "unexplained weight loss"?  Hello????  If I have to have a gland problem, could I at least get the weight loss with it????  Is that too much to ask for????  Apparently so.  Hmpf. 

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

happy-1 on 01/20/2022:
HUGS… you did a very good job of keeping your ass out of the fire and working it at the gym. Yes! You need a bubble butt, lol. The thyroid thing is scary. See a naturopath?

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
I'm not sure about a naturopath. That was actually one of the first thoughts I had, but after doing my research, I saw that there's no natural way to reverse or "cure" this condition. It's genetic apparently, although my mother does not have this problem.

So I think I will see the endocrinologist first, and hear what she has to say, and then go from there.

There are foods that I should avoid.


Jacky82020 on 01/20/2022:
You should definitely see the endocrinologist & take it from there.

Forget details, but this is a common noninvasive surgery, but no need to get ahead of yourself.

Matt had unintentional weight loss & most common reason is cancer, but images & tests ruled that out & the problem disappeared.

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
Right - it's not an uncommon or rare medical mystery thing, so for that I'm grateful.

I guess I need to come to the realization that treatment will be needed. Oh I just hope it's not estrogen.

Apparently, the parathyroid isn't really involved in weight-related metabolism, but rather how the body processes calcium and vitamin D.


bearcountrygg on 01/20/2022:
I have the complete opposite situation with hashimotos.......I have a friend that had Graves and radiation and will now take the meds for life.......but have never heard the words parathyroid involved with either hers or mine.....looked them up and they are apparently 4 tiny spots on the thyroid......I have zero knowledge of those........I would see the endocrinologist....and was in a total thyroid fog while I was at his office........He will give you more info.

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
I am hoping that my Husband can come with me to the appointment, in case I miss something, or if he has questions. However, with COVID, everything is restricted and limited.


happy-1 on 01/20/2022:
Or a Naturopath with a background in endocrinology... Here's one I googled that I might go check out. I dunno what city you are in or I would google it for you...

https://pasadenanaturalhealth.com/about-us/our-doctors/dr-barker/

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
I will do a Google on this, so that if I feel that I need/want a 2nd opinion on treatment, I will have options to explore. Thank you!


Maria7 on 01/20/2022:
Praying for your healing. Love you.

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
Thank you so much :-)


legcramps on 01/20/2022:
Well, that's not great news. Hugs. See the endocrinologist. Go from there. There's no reason to sweat it until you know what you're sweating. One step at a time.

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
Absolutely. In fact, as I was responding to comments today, I realized that I need to come to an acceptance of some kind of intervention will be needed. I was kind of in a denial yesterday thinking that maybe this will just all go away, or the doctor might say, Let's wait and see what happens. I don't think it will play out that way.

I'm not worried, just trying to be realistic and keeping my emotions grounded.


legcramps on 01/20/2022:
/ I take back the whole sweating/not sweating part. If it sounds gruff, it was not my intention!

You have to be worried about what might come, and that's completely natural. I only think if you can slow down and take it one thing at a time, it might not become too overwhelming.

Donkey on 01/21/2022:
I completely understood what you meant and where you were coming from. No sense in worrying myself up into a tizzy until I have more information and facts. Worry is wasted energy.


Jacky82020 on 01/21/2022:
Keep in mind PCPs etc err on the side of caution to cover their asses, spread the wealth & last but not least to see if treatment is required. Nothing need be done in most cases



Donkey - Wednesday Jan 19, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

I had a GREAT day yesterday!  I can't remember the last time I had a workday that I felt really good about.  Maybe it's because I made myself a priority and left at 1pm to get in some gym time before going to the doctor's office (the gym is on the way to the office) for further blood tests.  Really GOOD idea...

I got to the gym at around 1:30pm and it was not busy at all.  I will have to recommend this time to Husband, if he ever decides to start going on his own during the week.  Did 25 minutes on the elliptical (includes a 5 minute cool-down), and then some awesome upper body weights!  I have gone up in weights on the machines and am quite pleased with my progress.

When I pulled up my sleeve to give blood, I was pleased to see some definition in my arms.  Yes, goals!  #DonkeyStrong !!!!

Came home early and walked on the treadmill for a little bit, while dinner was put together.  Finished up weights at night at home.  A great day!

Also, eating was spot on.  I did not feel hungry at all during the day. In fact, I had to remind myself a couple of times to eat something.  Wow, I wish I could replicate this day more often!

I'm not even worried too much about what awaits me at the office this morning.  My own (mental) health was my #1 priority yesterday.  I'll deal with whatever when I get to the office.  Part of the reason I may have been happier at work yesterday, besides knowing I would be leaving early, is that New Gal was not there.  Ahhh, peace at last - at least for a day.

Maria was right:  I need to focus on what makes me happy outside of work, because I'm sure not going to find it at the office. 

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Jacky82020 on 01/19/2022:
Go DonkeyStrong! Yay!


horn_of_plenty on 01/19/2022:
re your last comment back to bear below: and if boss doesn't care; neither should you at this point at a job that you do not know even how much longer you will be there. take it all with a grain of salt. you can't fix it if the boss doesn't care it's broke.


horn_of_plenty on 01/19/2022:
re your last comment back to bear below: and if boss doesn't care; neither should you at this point at a job that you do not know even how much longer you will be there. take it all with a grain of salt. you can't fix it if the boss doesn't care it's broke.


bearcountrygg on 01/19/2022:
Donkey is stronger than even she knows!!!! You can do it!

Donkey on 01/20/2022:
Believe it or not, I was actually telling myself this, as I drove to work on Tuesday (the morning after my Disaster Day on Monday). I was like, "You're stronger than this. You can get over this. You are stronger than this."

I think it worked!


innerpeace on 01/19/2022:
Donkeystrong!! Bumper Sticker for sure! Hope today is just as good!

Donkey on 01/20/2022:
Maybe a t-shirt, too ;-)


Horn_of_plenty on 01/19/2022:
sounds like you made a great day out of yesterday! a good change of pace to work up your spirits and mood :) so glad to hear it. you do deserve it, #donkeystrong !!


happy-1 on 01/19/2022:
I love everything about this post.

Donkey on 01/20/2022:
:-)



Donkey - Tuesday Jan 18, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

So yesterday was a really bad day.  I can't remember the last time I ever felt so disrespected at work.  And there's nobody I can talk to about how I'm feeling.  Oh, I vented a little bit to Husband and Daughter (she was home!) at the dinner table, but it didn't really help, because Daughter has her own work drama to deal with, and Husband doesn't focus on how I'm feeling -- he focuses on how he feels in reaction to what I say.  LOL...  he's a "fixer", wants to fix things.

I was so upset that I took my lunchtime walk at 11am.  I had planned to take another walk at around 3pm, but I confused myself and ended up just coming back to the office after picking up the weekend mail, rather than going around the block.  Don't kid yourself -- the Force of Habit is strong with this one.  (Ha ha, gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Use the Force" with this here Donkey...)

Most of this stems from Associate Attorney and his lack of ability to look outside of his assistant, Nice Lady, rather than to try to assimilate more into the firm.  I've been dealing with this inability for something like 8 years.  I've voiced my frustration to the Boss, to Associate Attorney, to Nice Lady --- nothing changes.  

I'm not sure if I should talk to Associate Attorney about why he circumvented me - TWICE - and went to Nice Lady instead, or if I should just let it go.  That's why I went for my walk, to help me keep my mouth shut, which I did the first time, but then he did it again in the afternoon.

Part of me wants to confront and reconcile this with him.  But a big part of me says to just keep quiet.  Why on earth would I be complaining about having less work to do?  And the less I have to do with Associate Attorney, probably the better it is anyway.

But I surely felt all of the D's:  disrespected, defeated, demoralized, depressed, done.

The only way to cure this is by eating 3 large white chocolate macadamia cookies leftover from Christmas, of course.  I did feel somewhat better after eating those, but then I was a little too full for yoga at 7pm.  Why would I let something so stupid as WORK interfere with something that is so important to me like yoga?


So after that awful day, it was really hard to feel motivated to get up early this morning, so that I'd have time to do upper body weights.  No time -- BUT since I am leaving work early to get more bloodwork done, I will leave even earlier and go to the gym.  Then I promise to myself that I will do some upper body weights at home tonight too, even if it's just lighter weights.  I owe this to myself.

 

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

horn_of_plenty on 01/18/2022:
i only read one sentence here, skimming, it was whether you should let it go or not about associate attorney going to nice lady...without reading any more, i'd always recommend letting it go....

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
Definitely. Most definitely.


Maria7 on 01/18/2022:
I agree with HOP...if you confront AA, you will get it out of your system (until the next time) and maybe nothing changed. Look at this in the 'big picture'...one day when you are no longer working there, you may look back and think that it was not worth your mental energy to feel all of the 'ds'...although I do not doubt that you have justified reasons for feeling them...and that it would have been better to just let it go and get on with your day avoiding conflict. I look back on things I went through when I was working before I retired and I am glad I learned to not have confrontations because they never once did any good. Yes, I sometimes spoke up when I was wronged or when I saw things happening that were wrong in the office. No...it did NO GOOD. NEVER. Just be happy with where you are in life and be thankful to be alive and able to work. Find more and more happiness outside of work and make work a smaller part of your life instead of high priority. Hope I haven't said too much. If I have, please forgive me. Love you! Take care.

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
You're absolutely right. Confronting him - even just so I understand why he acted the way he did for my own understanding - would not serve any productive purpose. That is to say, yes, he might understand what he did and that I'm upset, but it won't change him from doing the very same thing next week.

Actually, Maria, you've helped me a lot by realizing that since I will be leaving soon, that I should do my very best to leave as many people as possible with a positive impression/feeling about me.

I don't think AA was even aware at how offended I was, actually. For being a public defender attorney, he's actually quite naive sometimes in reading people.


happy-1 on 01/18/2022:
What city are you in? You need a women in business networking group. A sisterhood.

And, honestly, a second career in geriatric care management.

And he can probably tell you don't like him. Men always look to whoever is nice to them to do stuff.

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
I'm in a far northwest suburb of Chicago -- it's a suburb, but I'm within walking distance of corn fields.


Jacky82020 on 01/18/2022:
I’m with everyone else. Blow it off. Confrontations seldom resolve anything. I avoid them at all costs. Let this associate attorney do what he sees fit. I fail to see why his preference for the other assistant diminishes you in any respect. You can’t bend people to your will, one has to respect their choices & not take it personally.

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
I will let him do what he sees fit. Exactly the approach I need to take or it will just drive me crazy - like, literally. Depression is no fun, and for me to invest so much emotional energy into all of that? Big waste. No more. Please gently remind me of this, if it happens again.

And you're also right in your observation that his relationship with Nice Lady (almost 20 years now) does not diminish what I have. It's like comparing apples to oranges. I have my own gifts and talents.


horn_of_plenty on 01/18/2022:
the guy that is blowing you off for the other person - he knows what he's doing, he's an adult and he knows it. you do not need to confront him.

i would just go with this flow, for now.

if it seems like you are being "ousted" for the new lady, etc, then you may speak up but perhaps the workload was too much all on your shoulders, let it go for now.

try really hard not to take it personally, as being stressed EVERYDAY at work is prob not worth it...meaning, being overloaded EVERY DAY at work is too much...so take a relaxer for the time being and just do your work is my real suggestion... like everyone is saying.

it's not personal with his choice, just his choice at this time.

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
Oh absolutely, I WON'T and I CAN'T let this eat away at me any more. It's another blaring example of how we tried to bring in an Associate, and he never did quite get the hang of it. He'll be back to being on his own sooner or later. A couple of conversations I've been a part of, either directly or indirectly, have indicated to me that the Boss knows that this arrangement did not live up to expectations. That's a BIG reason why we got New Guy.

Am I jealous of Nice Lady? I asked myself, If I already know and have said that I just can't work with Associate Attorney, then WHY would I get so upset when he just proves my point --- that's just crazy.

And no, since I get paid whether I'm busy or not, why on earth would I ask for extra work? I got my own stuff to work on, even if it's organizing file folders or deleting old emails.


horn_of_plenty on 01/18/2022:
it's great you will have some inserted gym time instead of work time. what a good fix! ha!

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
YES, THIS WAS THE BEST THING THAT HAPPENED TODAY. I will write about it more tomorrow (Wednesday), but going to the gym was an EXCELLENT idea. Kind of like taking my walk at 11am on Monday. Really, really helped.


bearcountrygg on 01/18/2022:
Some people just like to stir the pot ........They like a reaction...I think it's best to not react at all........takes all of the fun out of it for them.

Donkey on 01/18/2022:
This is true, and more true at my work, for sure. However, I'm not sure if Associate Attorney was trying to stir the pot intentionally, or if it just never occurred to him to go through the proper procedure.

Both Male Co-Worker and I are really struggling with this right now. We used to have a proper procedure - for years - and now we don't, so everything's a guessing game now. Who's working on what? Who did what work? What work needs to get done? Who will do the remaining work?

Not a good way to run a business, but the Boss doesn't care.



Donkey - Monday Jan 17, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

I wish I had today off.  Title companies are closed.  Banks are closed.  However, I suppose I'll have a few contracts to open.  Now that New Gal is busier working on New Guy's files, and I have not much to do, I've been opening up my own files.  Might as well.  Still, I'd much rather be at home.

Eating was OK yesterday.  Husband and I ate lunch and dinner while watching football.  I did struggle a little bit with my sweet tooth.  Had a spoon of peanut butter, a chocolate, and one of those Christmas cookies I put in the freezer.  These were not eaten all at once but steadily through the day starting after lunch, taking bits here and there.

It's the eating part that is my weakness, that's for sure.  I was reading on a Facebook thread for a fitness group different mottos and sentences that members had for themselves for 2022.  One guy posted "Dietary Discipline".  BOOM!  This is so not me, but that's what it takes in a nutshell.  Aw shucks...

Tomorrow (Tuesday) is my follow-up blood draw at 3:30p.  If I leave from work, I would leave at 2:30pm to ensure I arrive on time, with traffic and all.  However, I was thinking of maybe leaving at 1pm and stopping at the gym, before heading over to the doctor's office.  That's a thought.

Before I have to make up my mind about that, though, I have yoga tonight.  It's getting time for me to purchase another class ticket.  I think after tonight I have 1 more class left.  It always seems like such a pain in the butt to get everything done in time for class, but I do enjoy the class, and it's so helpful to have that time to really relax.


I was talking to Male Co-Worker last week about how different our lives have become since COVID, and how we've managed to cope or not cope.  For me, being an introvert and homebody, it hasn't affected me all that much.  However, he was telling me how he and his wife used to go out almost every single night to do something.  They were very involved in their church, so right there was at least 3 nights out.  Then they would have dinner & and movie night on Friday -- even if there were no good movies, they'd go see something. And then there would always be something else they'd want to do or check out.  So really, most nights they'd be out.

He has taken up painting, so he's adapted and is doing OK/well in the age of COVID, but his wife is terrilbly lonely and depressed/anxious.  She needs work to interact with people.  Well, now she's working from home and miserable.  She needs to be out and about, and now she doesn't have that.  So she sits in front of the TV if she has nothing to do and just sits.

How do people do this?  How do they come home from being at work all day only to rush off to do something else?  Doesn't anyone need down time after work?  Relaxing time? Sleep?  Here I am struggling to be able to Zoom one night a week FROM MY OWN HOME, and there they are (or were), going out every night.  How do they do that?  

I mean, I could do things at night too if I could:  go to the gym, take a class at the gym, go to yoga in an actual studio, shop a little, go to the shooting range... IDK, a whole bunch of things.  My life could definitely be more exciting if I could stand to step outside my home.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

legcramps on 01/17/2022:
Some people find their energy by doing things, and some people find it by not doing things. I am also an introvert, and find when things encroach on my home time, it makes me terribly grumpy. Yes, I'd rather make a hot chocolate and do some reading than go out shopping or out to dinner somewhere. No, it doesn't mean i'm anti-social, it just means this is how I gather the energy that I need to get through the next day.

I have been learning to just do what I need to do for myself, and not compare my lifestyle to someone else's. However - I have noticed that those busy people sure let me know they are busy!


Maria7 on 01/17/2022:
I guess I am what is called an extrovert...I always loved being in everything about church...playing the piano and singing...teaching Sunday School, etc...Hubby and I ate out at least once a week...had friends over for coffee or dinner occasionally...and we'd go shopping once in a while...things like that...but now, being home most of the time, we still find pleasure in doing at home things instead and enjoy each other's company. Everybody is different.


bearcountrygg on 01/17/2022:
I am a homebody too.....I make a great phone friend but a lousy friend to go out and do things with. I always loved to get home and kick back......I now look back on our nights out to dinner ( we weren't into fancy restaurants)....and we were usually so tired after work that he was still in jeans and work boots and I was still in scrubs...we were too tired to even shower and change....which I guess worked well with the diners we liked... I always liked the busy days the best because time flew........the long days were the ones I was searching around for something to keep busy with.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/17/2022:
hahha....for yesterday, good for you on getting to the gym and getting one of the "good ellipticals!" First come, first served! go you!


Horn_of_plenty on 01/17/2022:
awww, sorry also that you had to go in today! but it will go fast i am sure.

i think it's a good idea to leave early to go to the gym also tomorrow besides just the doctor. just make sure you have enough time for both so you do not have to rush too much :)

i'm also mostly a homebody. love my single time. love my alone time. I also do not like coming home to just go back out. but i know plenty of people that like to also do what your coworker does. we are just different.

there are people that like to dress up and go out drinking (not a lot, but she is social with it) / dancing even at 44. (my female coworker). she still likes to dress up and go out late. her lifestyle is the exact opposite is mine. plus she has two twins that are 12 and then a 20yr old. she is pretty high energy for all that....i'm so the opposite. i also wonder how people do it, but it seems we are just differently wired...


happy-1 on 01/18/2022:
What do your sleep stats say for the last 7 days? Post a pic?



Donkey - Sunday Jan 16, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Good morning!  I will update this entry later today, because I need to get to the gym ASAP.  Yesterday, I waited until Daughter left for work at around noon, and the gym was PACKED.  I'm not doing that again.  I missed one of the machines I wanted to use, because this one guy monopolized the machine the entire time I was doing the other weight machines - like 20 minutes!  I almost had to wait for the machines that I did use, just because there were so many people.

Inner Peace - congratulations to your Bengels!  They played a good game, definitely a better game, and I'll be cheering them on at their next game.


Post-Gym Update:

I arrived at the gym around 8:30am, and realized that if I had gotten there maybe 15 minutes earlier, it would have been even emptier.  I will try to do this next weekend.

The gym was certainly less crowded than yesterday (Saturday) afternoon, BUT the ellipticals were busy.  There was another lady there who uses these 2 particular ellitpcals.  Well, some guy was using 1 of them, and I hopped onto the other one, because all of the other available ellipticals - and there weren't many - have issues with them.  I felt kind of bad, because I knew why she was there, but I "beat" her to the machine (unintentionally).

Today was lower body weight machines.  I noticed that many of the cable machines were not being used, but still not quite brave enough to walk through a sea of weight training men to get to those machines.  I may do some more weights here at home this afternoon or evening.

The only football game I'm really interested in is tonight, but I may tune into the others, especially If I exercise more at home.

Right now, I'm finishing up a load of cat laundry.  The dishwasher needs to get emptied.  The birdfeeders need refilling.  And hopefully I'll get to see a little of Daughter before she leaves for work.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 3 lbs to go!

Maria7 on 01/16/2022:
Hope you have a good day today. Sorry you missed using the exercise machine you wanted to use yesterday. I guess Hubby and I won't be getting in our walk in the neighborhood this morning with it being Icicle Winter Wonderland here. Trees are covered in ice. Thousands already out of power in my state and county. Take care.

Donkey on 01/16/2022:
I love going to the gym early-ish on Sunday mornings, so that I have the remainder of the day.

No walking, no driving in your neighborhood, I would say. Ugh...


bearcountrygg on 01/16/2022:
Hope your early trip to the gym worked well for you. It's probably less germy there first thing in the morning too.

Donkey on 01/16/2022:
Less germy and was able to socially distance myself from non-mask wearers. It would have been even BETTER if I could have gone earlier, even, but I just can't seem to get myself to leave the house before 8am.

That's funny, I just realized that when I go to work, I leave the house around 8:30am too. Why is it so hard to leave the house earlier than that, especially if I don't have to work?


Maria7 on 01/16/2022:
I used to have an elliptical...also a treadmill...(but not at the same time)...what I miss most is the treadmill.

Donkey on 01/17/2022:
Me too -- I had a refurbished gym elliptical at home at one point, but ended up selling it. Took up too much room and just wasn't the same using it at home.

The treadmill I have now was a gift from Mom when she and step-father downsized and moved to Vegas. Otherwise, I never would have had one. However, especially in these winter months, I'm glad that we do have one. I think I would miss it.


bearcountrygg on 01/16/2022:
The nice thing about getting there earlier is that it's done and you can be proud all day that you did it!!! The earlier I get started on anything the better it makes my entire day...a late start for me just seems to drag the entire day down.

Donkey on 01/17/2022:
EXACTLY! And for some reason, more so on Sunday than any other day.


Jacky82020 on 01/16/2022:
Ever thought of getting an elliptical? We have a nice one that Matt uses regularly. I’m too short for it, annoying, but have come to accept it.

Donkey on 01/17/2022:
I have, and at one point, we did have a Precor at home, but for several reasons, we sold it, and I never considered having one at home again. That's definitely one piece of equipment I'd rather use at the gym.


happy-1 on 01/16/2022:
Good job on the workout!

Donkey on 01/17/2022:
Thank you! I definitely feel more accomplished once I've done it.


Maria7 on 01/16/2022:
We need to get some birdseed for our bird feeders.

Donkey on 01/17/2022:
I love mine (2 of them), especially on weekends, when I am home to enjoy them.



Donkey - Saturday Jan 15, 2022
(Low carb eating w recumbent bike, yoga, weights)
Weight: 136.0

Nice to see the numbers coming down a bit.  The 0.2 scale weighed me in at 137.8, which is about right for the difference in the 2 scales.  

I just didn't have it in me to post yesterday, but it did end up being an OK day after all.  I'm seeing the changes happening at work and feeling OK about them. I have no doubt that Mistakes Girl will need to go on bedrest - and maybe soon - and that the baby will come prematurally.  She's not to climb stairs or over-exert herself.  She's been making it work, working at home - which she can do now because the Boss is gone.  He is deadset against us working from home.  Maybe she can convince him to let her do this (and get paid for it).  In the meantime, I guess we'll be hiring the New Guy's best-friend's wife to come in.  Why is it that our firm cannot hire outsiders like most businesses?  At any rate, the important thing to me is that I feel at peace.

Eating went OK yesterday.  There are chocolate covered peanuts at work, now, and I confess that I had about 10-15 of them, in little handfuls of about 4-5 each.  The afternoon is when it gets really hard to resist.  I have a plan for myself next week, to try to combat this:  minty mouthwash.  I will rinse with mouthwash before reaching for the peanuts.  Let's see if this works.  Other than this bump, I was able to resist eating after dinner, after treadmill.

And I didn't even need to use the treadmill last night, because I had already reached 10,000 steps on the Garmin.  (Yay!!)  However, I wanted to watch more Downton Abbey so on the treadmill I went.

I had this burst of inspiration on Thursday, I think, that I want to be a serious walker.  That is to say, I want to dedicate more of my time to walking.  I'm not sure what this means with my relationship with my recumbent bike (LOL), but I really felt this "revelation" or decision, rather, on an emotional level. I'm not sure how to describe it, other than to feel some sense of hope or purpose.  Maybe this will pass, kind of like yoga has passed.  I haven't given up on my yoga journey yet, but that just hasn't materialized like I thought it would, for various reasons.

I'm looking forward to a weekend of gym and football.

Progress as of today: 50.5 lbs lost so far, only 1 lbs to go!

bearcountrygg on 01/15/2022:
10,000 PLUS steps......Great walking day!! And down on the scale...always a good day...Walking sounds like a great choice....Chocolate covered peanuts are hard to resist!!!

Donkey on 01/15/2022:
My problem with the peanuts is that I start thinking, "Well, having 3 or 4 of them won't hurt and will satisfy my sweet tooth." But then I start to think this 2 or 3 more times....


Maria7 on 01/15/2022:
Congrats on your lower number!!! Yayyyy! Happy for you!

Donkey on 01/16/2022:
Thank you!!! I would love to get into the upper 120's, BUT I think maybe hanging around the lower 130's would suit me and my build better.


innerpeace on 01/15/2022:
Check into a volksmarch club in your area. I did it in Oklahoma but have only done a few in Ohio - I may look into it more this year - ava.org - there may be a club near you.

Donkey on 01/16/2022:
Thank you so much for this suggestion! There is one that is in driving distance, but not very easy to get to. I might do better to look at the one in Madison, Wisconsin, even though that's about 2 hours away.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/15/2022:
hi there donkey!

re below a puppy is a nice distraction indeed. but you have your cats now right? maybe in the future. a puppy is nice tho. i would do it when i'm a bit older and in a different job situation and/or retire? lol. always love dogs just know it's not my time. would hubby also walk the puppy? haha that could be an incentive to walk...

nice job not finishing the fries re below. it's good to have the other parts of the meal to fill up on so fries become less necessary to fill up on as if no veggies were present at the meal...

nice job with sleep on time thursday too.

i had a most annoying TOM this week. Cramps were bad leading up to it, with waking up in the night and needing pain meds. I also took quite a bit of pain meds at work as my right thigh was bothering me enough to think about it / annoy me...which is not a good thing at work. glad it's all over. hormones did get me overall this time; with the sadness, etc. I'm over that now as the biggest lessons a person can learn from my past experiences is to not take life so seriously ...those were the words of a coworker to me on Friday; or maybe it was Thursday...he told me not to take life so seriously...and that is the gist of it all - life has quite a bit of upsetting things that can happen, they DO happen...and we just have to be thankful for what we do have. MOST of us do not get everything we always wanted, we must learn to be happy with our life as is, not just always want more; or wish it were different. to be content with the present. kind of like weight! to be content at where you are at with your weight (not necessarily you, but in general); to learn to be content with yourself. they say that if you don't love yourself, how can you learn to love someone else? (now i'm NOT talking to you; just fully emphasizing my point about being realistic in life and in general satisfied).

Donkey on 01/16/2022:
With the cats that we have, and Husband's physical limitations, there is no way we can do a dog right now - financially, if nothing else.

Your co-worker has excellent advise not to take life too seriously. The biggest change for me in living to learn with depression is that, for me, hormones seem to play a bigger role than I had thought when I was in my teens. If I'm having a day where I feel like I'm drowning in sadness, I wait it out a couple of days, to see if things have improved.

I am almost always aware that things could be worse, and I am grateful for what I have, who I have in my life, and where I'm at.

You make an excellent point with being content with oneself. And as I commented to Maria above, I'm starting to realize that being in the lower 130's is a better place for me all the way around, than trying to strive for a goal of 120's that's just not sustainable.


Horn_of_plenty on 01/15/2022:
really glad to hear you feel at peace.

re hiring the new guy's best friend's wife, it happens a lot. especially in my industry with the admin assistants. it is fully who you know.

the choc cov peanuts sound great. a little goes a long way. plus a little extra healthy fat/protein.

i hope you continue to have a good weekend! :)

Donkey on 01/16/2022:
It was the strangest feeling, to be at peace with everything that was going around me --- I can't say that this has ever happened to me in this work environment before.

Like Bear mentioned, having a new person to replace Mistakes Girl could actually be better in the long run, i.e. less mistakes, a more professional work product, etc.



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